"Gentle" Christian parenting... ugh.

Gentle "Christian" Parenting.... ugh.

I came across this website in a conversation in the AP group I can't tear myself out of.

www.gentlechristianparenting.com

I'm nauseous just typing the URL.

Here's my review of it from a forum on spanking:

that kind of website, to be honest, makes my skin crawl. I spent ten minutes peeking at the various "resources" which are articles based on people's opinions of parenting styles that "gentle" discipliners don't believe in.

As a Christian, it is my life's work to share biblical messages that will change people's lives and help them live for Christ in a way that truly glorifies Him and shows that they understand the point of all of this we call "life."
I spend my whole life teaching and learning on topics such as biblical child training, biblical wifehood, and biblical womanhood. I'm passionate about it!

Aside from their skewed theology, which is the ONLY thing people should be worried about when reading a book by the Pearls, their family advice is dead on. I know countless families who live by the Love of God, the Rod, principles of forgiveness and God-centered family lives, who have upwards of eight kids apiece who are -- quite simply-- a joy to be around, whether 3 or 18. These kids are respectful, disciplined, honest, hard working, and pleasant. They are interesting, joyful, and.. most of all, they love Jesus. I can only hope my kids will grow to be these same types of children. That's the example and goal I have set for my kids, and what I expect to come of my training them. The children I know who are "gently" disciplined are neither disciplined at all, nor are they bearable. I don't want my kids to end up like them, so I don't practice "gentle" discipline. Or rather, I am always gentle with my kids, but I will still correct them with corporal punishment because I believe the Bible.

I have heard time and again so-called "Christian" people making excuses for not using the rod, including making up Hebrew roots and inventing stories about the "real" traditional use of the rod. As I said before, it's a choice people have the right to make. But I will neither concede nor compromise on this issue because out of my experience and my heart I believe that the truth is that the use of the Rod is biblical, good, and life changing for my children.
I don't expect my own opinions to count, I mold my life around what I see that God has to say about a matter, and make changes accordingly. That's why I'm so passionate about these issues, because I had to change alot of what I believed about being a wife and mother, and that has made the most positive change in my own life as a wife and mother.

As I said in the other thread, I know children who REMIND their parents to bring the rod when they go on vacation. When you ask them about it, they say that they hope it won't get used, but they know it is the best thing to teach them right from wrong. Praise the Lord that these children have wisdom at such a young age!!

That website also attacks the principles in Created to Be His Helpmeet... another biblical concept people hate to believe because it hurts our prideful hearts. I would buy the entire world a copy of that book if I could.... there are MILLIONS of marriages that could be saved as a result of laying down their rights and allowing God to be Lord over EVERY part of their lives, including their marriage.

In the chapter by chapter deconstruction of To Train up a Child, here, the author begins by saying: "God doesn't conquer our wills, he gave us free will to do what we choose."
She says this in response to the Pearl's advice to conquer the will of your child.

If you are a saved, born again Christian, you KNOW that your will is your worst enemy. You want that bad boy conquered immediately. You pray for it, you ask Him to make you more like Him and less like you, on your knees, tears running down your cheeks. You are BROKEN by His greatness.
WHY in the name of all things holy would you not want to teach your kids to conquer their will????? It's the FIRST thing I would want to teach my kids.
My soul is my enemy.... until it is sanctified. Any student of the Bible knows this.

So the pretense of this website being "Christian" just because it says it is by name has just been made void in my eyes. These people do not believe that God is God, and have not laid down their lives. The entire article goes on to describe an endless list of things I find appalling. Of course a newborn is self-centered. That is the very nature of a baby. Why is that offensive? Of course we want our children to be under our authority and in subjection and obedience to us. Why is that offensive? One hundred years ago, these things were never questioned... nowadays, we overanalyze every little word we use. It's absurd.

I get soooo steamed when I see websites like this which basically just tear down all the biblical foundations that God has laid, and consequently destroy families, and the lives of children. It really hurts to see that, and I will be praying fervently that the Enemy's stronghold over modern parenting "styles" will be broken by the power of God.

Song of Hope

Song of Hope

All things bright and beautiful you are
All things wise and wonderful you are
In my darkest night you brighten up the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

All things new, I can start again
Creator God, calling me your friend
Sing praise my soul to the maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing

(I will) sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

--Song of Hope, Robbie Seay Band


I'm continually amazed at the depth with which my God can love me.... the personal way He reaches me and lets me know He is there.
Yesterday was kind of a weird day at church. It was the last in a four part series on the four types of love-- Storge (familial), Philia (friend), Eros (Romantic), and finally Agape.
Modern psychology tells us there are three natural loves, but the Bible speaks of four-- and any Christian who has spent more than a day in church is familiar with Agape love and aware of it, so I was expecting to be... placated. Maybe a little bored.

Instead, I got a heavy dose of brokenness and a renewed vision of what my salvation means and how good my God really is. Unlike the four previous sermons, which were excellent, wise, and practical, this one knocked me flat on my butt as He described what Agape love is, what it really means when we hear "God is love," and how to grasp what that means for us and for Him.

I was particularly moved when it came time to examine the truth of the situation. None of us, by ANYTHING, can add one thing to God, who is perfect and complete. It's easy to think that He made us because He needed some part of Him fulfilled or completed. It's easy to think He needed the companionship. But the fact is-- He doesn't. He is Lord, God of all, and He experiences perfect companionship within Himself because He is complete... Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He was not lonely or bored--- He was LOVE.

And the kind of love He was and is and will be is the kind that, by human standards, makes no sense. It's the kind that needs no return. It's the kind that loves your enemies-- those who hurt you. I thought back on all the times I snapped at Wayne because he hurt my feelings, or stopped talking to someone because they wronged me in some major way. God would have loved them anyways! I thought of all the times, even in the previous week, when someone frustrated me and I breathed a sigh of relief that I could just write them off.

In this train of thought, it really brought home to me the fact that we DESERVE nothing but hell. That when Jesus returns and we are on our knees, we will VOLUNTEER for hell when we face His holiness-- as He is. That over and over again in the Bible those who caught a glimpse of His glory were forever changed by it.
It reminded me that when we lift Him up in worship, we are not doing ANYTHING to Him-- we are doing it because it puts US in right mind TOWARDS the God of the universe who created heaven and earth, who breathed us to life and whose eyes go to and fro across the earth. It absolutely floored me to face the reality of the choice I made when I said YES to God: The love that I needed to give was not NATURAL, which is why an "enemy" was so hard to "love."
And when we love them, we are allowing God, who lives in us, to work. Amazing! How has this profound truth not affected me more until now?? It makes me think what a shallow Christian life I was living until yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't know until yesterday that I was supposed to love my enemies, or that I was supposed to be kind to those who frustrate the hell out of me.... it's that I finally understood WHY.


Recently, a friend called and asked me to explain to her just what in the heck was the matter with me, recommending the book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" to people.
Any wife who has read it has been challenged to the core by the things therein--- the biblical challenge to love, serve, respect and honor your husband NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. (yes, occasionally you may have to put him in jail, or move out, but you must still honor, serve, and respect and love him.)
Everyone who reads it has a strong reaction: either they tear it to shreds or they frame it and put it on the wall because it changed their lives forever. I'm in the second crowd, but most wives I'm around just can't comprehend it. I like to think that's because they don't have husbands like mine :P When I apply the biblical principles of loving wifedom and servanthood to my marriage, it WORKS... like never before. My marriage becomes glorious.
BUT, there are days where, frought with frustration, I end the evening crying out to God that there MUST be something more. Though I know the principles and how they work, there are many times where, in my fleshly nature, I just don't want to do them. I want to snap back, to throw dishes, to put my foot down. I want to yell and nag and shame him. I wonder WHY on earth God does this to me, when He knows that it is hard-- and that's what I realized yesterday!!!

I never have an answer for people when they ask me WHY God set things up this way. It's the only thing I'm at a loss for-- but now I do. Because God's AGAPE determines His nature, and we are being molded into the image of God, then I must learn to ALLOW Him to respond with a fresh infusion of agape into every situation, starting with my marriage. It's not ME who must respond in love, it's God IN me. If I am grateful for my salvation, then I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to an unfairness in AGAPE.

I'm a fan of the saying: "It's a choice to be offended," but I never realized WHY until yesterday.

From now on, Lord, let me CHOOSE to respond in love... the same love you gave me that snatched me out of hell and into your loving arms. No matter what the wrong, no matter what the cost.... let me always allow you to shine through me.

Uh oh.

Uh oh

Um, so I FINALLY got an invite to Ravelry and.... well..... I don't want to do anything else EVER.
It's like myspace, but so much worse.... because it's ALL knitting. Omg.
You probably will never hear from me again.

Of roach battles, heatstroke, and hormones

I am SOOOO, so sorry that it has taken me so long to update you guys. Our internet keeps fading in and out, alongside our home phone, making it difficult to chat when we have the time. To top it off, we've both been working a lot which means no time to be on Myspaz.

Let's see. Last week, I started having contractions. Bad. I noticed the first ones when we were having dinner. Our friend Andy is on leave from the Marines and is pretty much living at our place. He and Wayne were joking about who Wayne was going to "wife" if I died in childbirth, and I was laughing so hard that I started contracting.
Two days later, I was still contracting. No labor pain, no "crampy" feeling, but definite, strong, regular contractions.
Come three days later, they were every twelve minutes. After much of the usual pre-labor frenzy, we discovered all I had to do was to lie down on my left side, pound as much water as I could, and sit them out. They have come once in a while since then, but just enough to make me stop talking and sit down, not enough to send me speeding off to the hospital again.

My belly is huge. Unlike my last pregnancy, in which I regressed to childhood and was forced to remain in bed and vegetate, bored, watching Friends DVDs, this one has been insanely active. I spent the first two trimesters entertaining foreign and local visitors, as you well know, walking ten miles plus a day and chasing a hyperactive toddler.
Now, in the last phase, I'm still chasing Annika around, but I'm also twice as uncomfortable as I was in my last pregnancy and twice as busy.

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(annika wearing my bra... hehe)



I'm in major nesting mode cleaning house and making things nice, I'm working AND I'm taking care of the baby. Because of my Monica-on-friends-type-OCD-about-all-things-clean, I literally cannot rest if something is not done. That means that if I'm in bed, and wayne comes in late and leaves his shoes in the living room, I will jump out of bed and get them to put them where they go instead of leaving it until morning. Wierd, I know. But it soothes me.
You'd think with that type of nothing-(not even a drop of water)-left-in-the-sink-after-meals, frequently-oiled-floors, window-sills-scrubbed-daily type of cleanliness, that my house would be spotless. But nope, because I have a toddler and a husband who I sometimes think is a toddler in disguise. Yesterday, I spent a half hour cleaning and scrubbing the bathroom sink, mirror, and cabinet. When I left the bathroom, he went in, shaved his beard, and walked out. I walked back in, finding a 1/2 inch layer of beard hair all over the freshly cleaned sink. Men, I'm telling you: you suck.
Of course, he cleaned it up, and of course, he apologized, but what's weird is that he REALLY didn't notice. How is that possible, when I can't even sit down on the couch at night until AFTER I've laid out the breakfast table for tomorrow morning AND placed the pan I'm going to cook the eggs in on the stove? Some say, I could, but I'm just not going to. It calms me to get into these habits. And sometimes, just sometimes, when Annika is sleeping and Wayne is out playing video games on guys' night.. I look around my house and I just breathe deep this huge, contented sigh. I love it.
And yes, I do still have a creepy junk drawer, just like Monica had her closet. People laugh, but it's true.... it's the place to put all the things you just can't organize.
Yikes. Imagine what it would be like if I had money!! I can't tell you how many rubber bins with labels and coordinating binders with colored index tabs indicating placement I would have lining my closet. I'm nuts.

All of this is made worse by the fact that I'm working now. I've taken on a role as personal assistant to my Mother in Law in the family business. She runs a nonprofit that parents my own, and part of her business is a large daycare. Wayne does the maintenance and rennovation as he prepares to hop full time into his personal training, I do the paperwork and administrative and technical stuff, and Annika plays with the kids and eats crayons. It's a win-win situation, because I'm present and active in her life and so is Wayne (we take regular moments to do activities with the kids) but I'm able to walk away and get work done when I need to, which I love.


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(Wayne and Tamara teaching the kids how to play nice)

It also enables Wayne and I to take lunch dates and things like that... something we had never done without Annika.
AND I love that we work together, because we get up in the morning, have breakfast together, get ready together, leave together, work together, take breaks together, and come home together. Who knew the Pearls would be SO right.... a family business is the key to a healthy and happy home. We fight less, laugh more, and really enjoy ourselves. It's a huge blessing. I know it wont last, so we're soaking up as much of it as we can. It has really been amazing!

The clean house, however, is not enough to keep the curious, God-forsaken roaches out. I'll spare you a repeat of my last blog from the Roach Warfare trenches, but lets just say I'm still in the throes of battle. I swear, it's like as soon as the heat starts to settle, hell just opens up under my house and spits them into my vents. Suddenly you're seeing dark shadows scurrying across the walls at your three a.m. bathroom break and no amount of anything is going to destroy these bastards. I swear, the other night I smashed one as hard as I could with my clog against the wall.... We're talking a roach the size of my fist (note: Wayne says they are "just" palmetto bugs. I say.. if it looks like a roach, and acts like a roach....) and it splattered everywhere. Unable to clean it up without turning on lights and waking up the family, I left it for morning. When I got up at 5... no trace of it. Just a splatter of it's innards all over the wall. I'm telling you, those things are out to get us--- and they are invincible. Worse than zombies.

I've been getting up at 5 am every morning to spend time with God. I used to have my "quiet" time after Annika was awake, and while breakfast was happening, but this way I feel more focused and able to hear from God. It's been amazing how much clearer He speaks when we stop to listen. It's rough getting up that early when I barely get six hours of sleep a night and it's only two months til I wont' be sleeping more than two or three, but you know... it's worth it. God is amazing, and I haven't slept a whole night since 2006, but I'm not dead yet.

On the knitting front, I'm teaching some beginner classes for Tribes. I'm also enjoying learning toe-ups... I LOVE them!!! (I'm using a pattern from this months' interweave)


As for yoga, I can barely get into a down dog these days. I am motivated for fitness but frustrated by my body's discomfort and inability to move the way I want to.
I bought some kettle bells because of my husband's obsession and those are WAY fun.

Tribes has a building now, which enables us to move forward with a TON of projects. It's been pretty amazing. We're rennovating as we speak:

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That's it!! Liza's coming to visit in a month and then my mom. The rest of you need to make it out here, especially when the baby gets here, I could use the help and I miss you!! (yeah, you!) Oh, and we got a HUGE TV to make up for the 13 inch we used all year. It fell straight from heaven.
So that's been really fun, watching movies on the big screen :)

OK, that's all for now. Much love!

We're here! We did it! Yay!

hah! We finally have internet and phones-- took forever, our house was wired wierd, I guess, and it took us a couple weeks to find the house we liked.

I want to start off by saying: Yay! I am so happy here. Which is super wierd, and I never thought I'd say it, but true. We found a great little house, in our favorite neighborhood. Wayne is living his dream life (He's training to be a personal trainer-- a major goal of his, and he's working on the side for his mom's business, which enables her to fulfill her goal of having her business be a family affair and him to have the flexibility he needs for the training stuff as it gets off the ground.) We see each other ALL the time now, he even comes home for lunches and gets off work at 4. Annika and I have a really fun routine and the house is starting to feel like home after MANY hours of hard work (I really have been overdoing it, but I'm in total nesting mode.)

The move went great-- we were able to fly here and have our stuff shipped which in itself was a total miracle. We have a new car (YAY!!!!!! THank you JESUS!) and a house near the greatest park and a job and everything we needed. The only thing missing in our house is a crib, a TV and a couple dressers, which should be super easy to come by. We were so excited to come back to this church and so happy to be a part of all the exciting things God is doing here. The weather is insanely hot and I'm having a hard time believing it's normal, but it is.

I've got over 50 pics of the last two weeks so I'll just say that we are here and that you can click the thumbnails for the full story with commentary on my dropshots site.
So much love! Now I've got to get back to answering the 294 emails and 197 myspace emails I've just discovered. Yikes.


Click for the pics.

Serious Problem

Serious problem

So, all my bras are digging into me and really uncomfortable. I went to order some new maternity bras today... and went to look at this website to figure out my bra size.
Let's see. Before Annika happened I was a comfortably huge 36 C.
After her, I was a 38 D.
So guess what. According to the six different websites I've now checked, I'm a 38 F!!!!! Or DDD or E, which is the same thing.
Are you freaking kidding me???? Now I'm destined to wear those creepy bras in the boxes that no one dares to look at in white eyelet with seven straps to "hold" the weight, and I'm left shaking my fist at the sky and screaming in agony: Why, God, why????

Wayne says it's because i have to feed the world. Ha.

Anyways, just thought I'd share the moment.

Extraordinary Breastfeeding

A couple days ago I came across this video.




Most of you know I'm pretty passionate about breastfeeding, but the truth is, my initial reaction to this was to completely freak out. I've now watched it about twelve times, trying to gauge my reaction and asked for other's opinions about it. I'm still not sure what I think or believe. I do know that some people REMEMBER breastfeeding at older ages and blame it for things like oral fixations, breast attachment, and even some for a sexual obsession with breastfeeding. One need only peruse the free porn pages where "fetishes" such as women breastfeeding or expressing breastmilk abound (no, don't do it!) and that should be proof enough.

On the other hand, the benefits of breastmilk, and scientifically, of extended breastfeeding, are astounding. It truly is amazing.

I think if my kids wanted to continue drinking breastmilk past two, I would express it and give it to them in a cup. Not quite as good, I know, but they would get the benefits nonetheless. The mother's rebuttal to the video is here:



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Written by Veronika Robinson, Editor, The Mother magazine ~ as seen on Richard and Judy, Channel Four, February 1st, 2006
Extraordinary Breastfeeding
Channel Four

On February 1st, Channel Four aired Extraordinary Breastfeeding. It was a sensitive portrayal of long term breastfeeding and showed the stories of four families. Sophie weaned her two year old twins. Dolores, who was breastfeeding four year old Tristan, adopted a Chinese girl who she hoped to breastfeed. Kirsty runs a breastfeeding support group called Little Angels which has doubled the local breastfeeding rate. Kirsty goes into the local hospital and teaches new mums to breastfeed.

My family's story is simple. We chose to let our daughters wean themselves when they were ready. They both weaned at a similar age. Bethany was seven (despite stating on the documentary that she was five) and Eliza was a couple of months shy of her eighth birthday. Bethany drew huge media attention by the fact she requested to breastfeed for a 9th birthday present. The media played on her statement that breastmilk is better than a million melons. Better than mango, even.

In the media frenzy around the publicity, there were many factual errors. The Daily Mail, to whom I gave an interview, fabricated quotes left, right and centre and in one particular quote, wrote the exact opposite of what I said. They hounded me for a family photo on the day of my mother in law's funeral. Not only was my story fabricated, but the other two women involved also had their stories altered in favour of how the Daily Mail thinks their stories should be! In Sophie's case, they stated (wrongly) that breastfeeding caused the break-up of her first marriage.

I also gave an exclusive interview to NOW magazine by email, but they too, sadly, managed to misquote and change the tone of what I said, despite it being written in black and white.

It was an honour to be a guest on the Richard and Judy show a few hours before the documentary went to air. They publicly stated that they could find no medical or psychology expert to come out against full term breastfeeding. Of course they couldn't! Studies show that it is psychologically beneficial to breastfeed this way.
Extraordinary Breastfeeding had 3.9 million viewers! More than the population of New Zealand.

So, for the record, here is what I really feel about extended breastfeeding. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Firstly, let's get rid of the term extended breastfeeding, for it suggests that we are doing something beyond a normal or natural timescale. The appropriate words for describing a situation where a child is allowed to self-wean is called full term breastfeeding. This is regardless of whether a child weans at 2 years of age or later. From my perspective, the age is irrelevant. What is important is that the child is welcomed to the breast and that the relationship is mutually enjoyable for mother and child. Not all children would breastfeed beyond five or six years of age if allowed to self wean.

So why would a woman choose to breastfeed her child for years on end?

When I began breastfeeding I never gave it a thought as to when I would wean my child. I had an infant in my arms who needed my milk. I seriously didn't plan ahead to when she would stop having this milk. When Bethany was a year old, I was dining in a friend's café. The niece of this friend was heavily pregnant. Upon seeing me breastfeeding, she snapped, "I will be weaning my child when it is nine months old!"

It was the first time it occurred to me that I might be doing something a little unusual. Sadly, this woman never did breastfeed her child, but chose to raise it on goat's milk. She was proud that her child would be raised on goat's milk just like her mum had been.

When Bethany was fifteen months old, I became pregnant with my second daughter Eliza. Again, it didn't occur to me that I might be doing something odd because I was breastfeeding while pregnant. I even had one elderly lady suggest my breastmilk would be poisonous to my toddler! I can assure you, breastmilk made during pregnancy is NOT poisonous.

When I gave birth to Eliza, Bethany was 22 months of age. She breastfed during my labour and continued again after the birth in a practice known as tandem nursing.

Now, I can tell you, breastfeeding an infant and a toddler is rather a juggling act. In the early days I fed them both at the same time. One on each breast. Bethany stopped eating food altogether. She was in heaven with all this lush new breastmilk gushing forth. As they grew older, I tended to feed them one at a time.

It was about this time that a friend recommended I attend La Leche League (the international support group for breastfeeding families). When I went to the meetings I saw a woman breastfeeding a five year old girl. My eyes nearly fell out of my head! My goodness, I thought, look at that huge child ~ breastfeeding!! Despite my shock (NOT revulsion), something changed inside me that day. A door opened for which I will always be so grateful. My frame of reference widened. I began to study about breastmilk and breastfeeding. I was stunned by what I learnt, and trained to become a breastfeeding counsellor. It is impossible not to be passionate about breastmilk and breastfeeding when you truly know of its benefits. There is no other product on this Earth capable of nourishing our body, brain and immune system like mother's milk. But there was more! So much more to learn. And this is what led me and my family to the place we came to where we let our daughters self wean.

The human body biologically expects to breastfeed for up to about seven years of age ~ the universal age for losing the milk teeth. There is so much anthropological and scientific evidence to show that this is what our body needs and expects, regardless of the culture, climate, race or status we are born into.

People often wonder if full term breastfeeding is 'for the mother' as if we're being selfish. My experience couldn't be further from this way of thinking. If I was looking out for me, I'd have no doubt weaned them years ago. I put their needs first by allowing them to self wean. There is nothing selfish about putting your own needs to one side for a few years in order to give your child the best start in life.

However, there are huge benefits for women who breastfeed for many months and years. Studies have shown a significant decrease in ovarian and breast cancer in mothers who breastfeed long term. Now that's a reason to be selfish! :-)
I can honestly say though, for me, this reason played no part in my decision.

There is also an assumption that mothers like me are smothering - forcing the child onto our breast. YOU CAN NOT FORCE A CHILD TO BREASTFEED.

Breastfeeding in children is initiated by the child. Because breastfeeding involves the sucking 'reflex' you cannot force it. And it is this same reflex that is responsible for self-weaning. As a child gets older, they are so busy with life, playing, running, and all the other adventurous things they get up to, that they simple aren't breastfeeding that often. It varies from child to child. Some will breastfeed once or twice a day, others may go for days without breastfeeding. Some will go weeks and then have a feeding frenzy. The reflex needs to be regularly used in order to work efficiently in extracting milk from the breast. ALL children will lose this reflex as some point, if allowed to self wean.

The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding well into and beyond the second year old life. This is a conservative organisation which is saying two years is the minimum we should breastfeed for, NOT the maximum!

The American Academy of Family Physicians (yet another very conservative organisation) states that weaning a child before two years of age leads to an increase in illness.
The worldwide average for weaning is 4 years and 2 months of age.

I'm no mathematician, but I can assure you that you don't get an average like that if the majority of people are weaning at 6 months of age.

There are so many benefits to breastfeeding and the consumption of breastmilk. I am all too aware that the average person on the street knows next to nothing about breastmilk, and that is why, in Britain, we have such appalling breastfeeding rates. Many people assume formula is an appropriate alternative to breastmilk, no different perhaps than if they were to choose Pepsi over Coke.

Breast milk is a living food. It is constantly changing as the mother's body scans the environment for dangerous pathogens. Her body adapts and produces milk to build her child's body in the way no other food can. No two mothers have the same breastmilk. No mother produces the same milk twice. It is constantly changing to suit the needs of the child.

Formula milk is static!! Formula is not a living food. It cannot build the brain or the immune system. When babies are fed from a bottle, they are denied their birthright to develop right and left hand/eye coordination; the building up of oro-facial muscles which can only happen when extracting milk from a breast; the warmth of giving and receiving from mother to child. A bottle, a dummy ~ these are no replacements for the love and comfort of a warm, comforting breast. The human needs to suck. But it needs to suck at the human breast to have this need met fully. The consequences of not doing this are many. It may be as simple as sucking a thumb, or could manifest later in the shape of cigarette smoking, food addictions, etc.

Animal milks are made for animal babies. Cow's milk is designed to build a calf's body very quickly. Goat's milk is designed for a kid.
In the past few weeks I've been asked many questions that people clearly want to know. I'll do my best to answer some of them here.

No, my sex life has not suffered because of breastfeeding. Nor has it for my husband. Many people suggest that it is difficult for men to be at the back of the queue when kids come along, and goodness me, how did my poor husband cope with not being first in line? Well, I am blessed with an emotionally and mentally mature husband. He has never felt jealous or needy. He knows I love and adore him. That doesn't change because I'm breastfeeding the two children who were created from our love! It is hardly beneficial to parenting if the partner is acting like a needy child.

NO, my nipples have never hurt. Sore nipples are the result of the baby not latching on properly. If a woman has sore nipples, she needs to get help immediately. Nature intended that breastfeeding be enjoyable. If your health visitor or midwife don't know how to help your baby latch on, then please, contact LLL (La Leche League) or the ABM (Association of Breastfeeding Mothers) or , better still, an experienced breastfeeding mother. Many women give up breastfeeding because of sore nipples. Latching on correctly is very easy to address.

I've been asked over and over if I'm concerned about my breasts changing shape because of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding does not change the shape of your breasts, PREGNANCY does! And how could a mother not value her breasts, regardless of their shape, when she has fully nourished her children through them? So what if they aren't a certain size or a certain shape? My kids and husband love them the way they are. Why should I care what the average man on the street thinks of them? I don't!!

Do I care if people think I'm weird for breastfeeding so long?
Nope. To be completely honest, from my perspective, I find it strange that people aren't breastfeeding their children as nature intended.

I was surprised at how many people recognised me on the streets after the documentary aired. Clearly the British public haven't learnt how to be discreet when they recognise someone from television. The pointing, staring, whispering, laughing….are all indications to me of people who just have NO IDEA what they're doing to their children by not breastfeeding.

I've been inundated by supportive emails and cards. I know that for every person struggling with the concept of full term breastfeeding, there are at least two people cheerleading the cause.

Fake milks are relatively recent in human history. A blip in time in the scheme of our evolution. If we continue raising children on fake milk or milk from another species, we will see not only a rapid decline in humanity's mental, emotional and physical health, but I believe humanity would die out if we were to all stop breastfeeding.

I appreciate this is a radical statement from which most people will immediately define me as a 'crank'. But when the scientists raise their heads above the horizon and start saying the same thing, then, I'm afraid, it may be too late to undo the damage we've done to our children. It may be two or three generations from now when we'll see the shocking problems, but they will happen. If we were meant to drink crap from a can, milk from the udder of a cow, goat, camel or horse, then we'd have been born to those animals rather than a mammalian human.

**A very special and heartfelt thank you to Katie Buchanan, Producer of Extraordinary Breastfeeding and a mother who breastfed, for staying true to your goal of a campaigning documentary for the right to breastfeed in public while skilfully grabbing the attention of mainstream Britain.


This web site is updated by Rawcreation Ltd. To contact The Mother Magazine directly, Please email mothermagazine@hotmail.com.



I totally agree with her on a lot of points, but I'm just unsettled nonetheless. Bottom line? I believe that each case is different. I do believe her kids will probably have fond memories of breasts that might grow into something unhealthy. I also believe they were super fed for so long that they will be healthy and strong and smart.

I'm very interested in others opinions.

I am scared of children

I am scared of children.

My next door neighbors are all a little intense.
I live in this condo complex where there are about ten houses. The kids in this complex have NO fear. By that, I mean that when a car comes around the corner, they not only don't move, they obstinately see how close they can get without hitting it. Every single person who has ever come over has "almost" hit one. They just scurry right under the vehicles with no fear.
All of the parents work, and most of the kids go to school and then ditch, coming home, hiding until the parents come home, and then re-appearing again as if they were in school all day. One of the kids isn't enrolled in school, but isn't homeschooled either. He has developmental issues, but he's used to being around little gangsta kids, so from his demeanor, etc, he is indistinguishable from the other kids on the block. He often spends entire days shooting a lonely basketball into a hoop and staring at traffic.
There are two twins. They always wear clothes with holes and no one ever does their hair, resulting in a tangled black mass sitting atop their heads. Their older brother keeps an eye on them, but I've seen him involved in some pretty heavy drug use in the bushes back behind the complex. The whole crew, aged three to about fifteen, is out every single day.
To be honest, they make me uncomfortable. It is wierd to say that about children, but they do.
Many are the times where I walked through their large group with Annika in the stroller and they stopped what they were doing to stare. In the beginning they would throw things at me: walnuts, pieces of wood from the landscaping, footballs. And laugh. When I would stop to engage them and figure out why they did it, they would run away.
These kids have a potty mouth I have never heard on such young children.
Yesterday two of them had it out over a foos-ball game. As they rolled around on the ground, the profanity they were shouting was just... unbelievable. I tried to stop them, not physically because I was afraid I'd get hit in the stomach or something, but by reasoning with them. They swore at me and told me to get lost in so many words.
At about 11 pm last night, Wayne and I were in the bedroom, doing our thing, when we were interrupted by the loud screams of a child. We stopped to listen. He was crying, nervous, and obviously agitated. I recognized the voice as that of one of the nine year olds. His mother was screaming at the top of her lungs and sending all types of murderous threats his way if he didn't get in the car, but he wasn't having it. Suddenly, Wayne and I were both gripped with fear when we heard the other neighborhood kids telling the mom to chill out, get away from him, or he was going to "fire on her."
We looked out the window and saw a chilling and intense physical struggle and realized that the child was probably in possession of a firearm which he was wielding because he didn't want to go wherever she was trying to take him at eleven o'clock at night.
Wayne immediately bolted downstairs to call the police, who (amazing!) arrived within minutes of our call and immediately (albeit slowly.. it took several hours) sorted out the situation and took care of it so that the rest of us could resume our nightly activities in peace.
There are so many things wrong with this situation it's hard to know where to begin. Why is the mom taking him somewhere at eleven, when he should be well into his sleep cycle by then? Why would he have access to a firearm? Why are all the other neighborhood kids up and about and entitled to tell the mom what to do? Why, why, why are these kids such monsters? Why are their parents the most irresponsible people on earth? If you're going to have kids, then what is the point of acting like you don't??

I'll be honest, I'm scared of the kids in my neighborhood. I pray through each encounter with them and I try to maintain composure when the group surrounds me or shows interest in me or Annika. These people are the future of this country. Why do I encounter this over and over again?? We need to pray for the children, that they would be saved at a young age and that they would be changed into the likeness of Christ at a young age. I'm honestly at a loss. It seems like a complete systems failure, from parents to government... but I know God loves these kids!

No time for tea

I have only a few seconds but I wanted to update on the situation with my next door neighbor!
Not only she but her twelve year old daughter have given their hearts to the Lord!!! On SUnday morning they came by and asked for directions to Britt's church, which we happily gave them.
They even attended a baptism at the beach afterwards!
Then yesterday she and her son came over to talk and she shared that she didn't think God was answering her prayers. Her prayer is for her husband to come to know Jesus and to turn his heart to their family.
I was able to share with her just how much God is active in our lives, even when we don't think He hears us...it was awesome! I gave her some books to read and prayed with her and I'm just really excited about the direction her life is taking.
I was especially blown away when she shared that she was Catholic. I asked her about her personal prayer life and she said she would pray to Our Lady of Guadalupe and to all of her angels, and then read the psalms. Thank God I was able to share with her my own personal experiences with regards to praying to Mary or Angels!!
It was such an honor to be able to share with her the importance of getting into the Word and she was totally encouraged by our conversation. I felt like I was able to apply all the lessons I've been learning and it was soo cool. Every time I didn't know what else to say, the Holy Spirit would just come over me and speak to her... it was amazing.
Later that night she brought me a vase full of beautiful flowers and a toy for Annika to say thanks. Wow!

What else? Oh, yeah... the first part of my knitpicks shipment came today and I cannot be more pleased with it:



It arrived just in time, too. I spent from 6:30 am to 10 am this morning cleaning out the garage for the big garage sale, and I was burnt out and exhausted... what a good surprise and a great reward!

This lace is 100 percent merino wool and soooooo soft. I'm going to use it to make the touring wrap from the LYS Tour.



The other lace is baby alpaca / silk. and soooo beautiful!!



That's it for now. I keep wondering what on earth I'm going to do with myself when all this moving stuff is over, I imagine I'll get quite bored... I can't believe how busy I've been!!

Blog Lite

As breakfast sizzles in my frying pan I thought I'd just pop in and shed some light on the craziness that's been going on.
Amidst all the packing, I decided to do something this weekend I've almost never done--- take a complete weekend off from doing any type of work. (well, I did go to the laundromat, but it was hardly work this time... just a couple loads.)

Wayne and I holed up with the bean, took a couple car rides and visited a couple spots, and spent the ENTIRE weekend in each other's company and enjoying Annika... which is rare for us. There always seems to be something to do or somewhere to go, but making this type of commitment was a WONDERFUL way to spend the three days! I was really blessed. Of course, in the midst of it, we also hashed out some pretty serious relationship stuff that had been weighing on us. And despite that--- no arguments! It was an argument free- total sharing experience. Amazing. DOn't get me wrong, it's not that we argue alot, it's that I expect that when we have really serious conversations like these that we get into a mind blowing row at one point or another--- our ideas about life are just so different! But I'm pleased to report I think we are more "one" than even we give ourselves credit for-- I have found it effortless to follow my husband these last few months when it used to be rather trying based on our majorly different life views (I honestly think that if I had been raised Southern, I might have had a better idea of what's important to him than like this-- it's like our cultures are at odds on almost everything. He values hard work and morally upright families and freedom, I value good conversation and the small pleasures in life.. .etc)

It's been so cool that as our marriage has gone on, we have cleaved to each other and developped a "culture" all our own. I'm very blessed to have him.

Um, what else? Oh! This morning Annika and I are getting ready to do an hour of yoga practice and then attack the garage-- which will be a three day job. I'm really looking forward to getting that done, because once it's over, there will be nothing left to do but pack up the truck and go!

Last night as the sun was setting Wayne and I stood at our huge window in our room and looked out at the hills, and we talked about how cute and little Lompoc is. He warmed up to it much faster than I did, of course, (lets be honest, I'm a bit more cosmopolitan than he is!) but I have to admit, every time I spend the day in SB these days I'm less and less enchanted with it. I sat at a restaurant with Annika the other day feeding her apples and raisins while SB locals jetted back and forth around me jabbering on their cell phones about the most menial and ridiculous topics, as if their very lives depended on them:

"No! Mom, I told you, I want the bridesmaids dresses in Mint! Peach totally washes me out. No, you're just going to have to change the order. It's just a few hundred dollars! Moooooooooo----oooom!"

"It's a great little wine bar, right off state. I'm thinking a buy out, up front. It's dying, Joe. I've got a vision. There's some real money to be made here."

"You do what you want, sweetheart. it's always been that way. No, I don't want to hear it. well, fine, but I've got a massage in ten so make it quick. "

As I was eavesdropping on these with (I'll admit) a great deal of revulsion, the Lord reminded me that this was all a part of the human experience, and that these things were truly important to these people... and that I was called to love them, which was intense. The older I get, the easier it is for me to write people off, which is an AWFUL thing to do.
When Wayne and I were first married and were discovering each other, whenever we would fight it would come out that he thought I was spoiled. I thought that was nonsense, but with a little step back it's easy to see how he could think that... I was! Growing up in this town had me believing that it was unthinkable to go to a dinner party without first getting your nails done, that a decent place to eat could not possibly have booths, or that people should naturally do whatever they could to attract attention and be noticed. It makes me want to puke, looking back. But eh, we live, we learn.
And now I'm on the other side of the fence and I have to find ways to love and serve people with that same mindset... it's interesting how life works.

Anyways.... that's all. I'm anxious to get to my yoga.

That moment we've been waiting for

Every so often, God throws something at you that you just can't believe would come from anywhere else but Him. This is one of those times.

Wayne and I packed up our stuff today and then took Annika to the Ocean Park. It's an old abandoned park that has lots of fun stuff, BBQ pits, and stone dolphins to play on, but which is surrounded by a marsh that drowned the road. You have to get there by walking on the train tracks and then climbing down a rock wall. Anyways.... on the way home, we stopped to grab some food.

We were feeding Annika and enjoying a family meal when someone knocked on our door. I was surprised-- no one ever knocks except the UPS man and the next door neighbor, this really sweet woman who always brings me fresh strawberries because she knows that I love them. It was her.

She and I have only talked a handful of times. When I first moved here, she introduced herself. I once asked her for a babysitter when I was in a pinch and she gave me a recommendation, who I was surprised and pleased to learn was a Christian. She asked why we had moved here and I told her that we had come out here to work with a church in IV. I told her we thought we would be starting a house church.
When I saw her again, it was months later, and she was bringing me strawberries. And then again, on her way to work. She just waved and said hello.

As she stood on my doorstep, I could tell immediately that something was wrong. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her I was fine, and then I asked how she was. She responded with: "Not too good. Isn't your husband a pastor? Is he home?"

"Not quite," we both answered, " but come on in!"

We sat her down and she started pouring out her heart to us. She said that her husband just told her he was ready for a divorce. Apparently, he has cheated on her several times. Each time she found out, and each time she agreed to take him back because of the children. But the fighting continued. Finally, a few months ago he agreed to try to work it out. She was overjoyed. But the trial didn't work out and he told her he was moving to his brother's house where he was going to ponder what to do during their separation. He came home to her this morning and said he was done trying to work it out and that he was ready for a divorce. She was crushed. They have two children, and she has been trying to protect her kids from all of this the whole time, and it has been really challenging.
To say that she was heartbroken is an understatement. Wayne and I counseled her for about an hour, after which we prayed. It was INCREDIBLE to see how much she was seeking God's will for her life.
Turns out she was a catholic, but that when she had gone to her priest earlier that day for advice, he had AGAIN just given her solid advice about locking the guy out, giving him no options, and protecting the kids. What she really wanted, she told us, was what Wayne and I were apparently giving her at that moment: a friend, and someone to listen and advise her gently... someone to pray with her and support her and show her that God was there and active.
She said she had been once to a really big church in Carpinteria that she had LOVED, and where the people had supported and prayed for her in a way she had never experienced... and told us she was hearing more from God when she was talking with Christians than Catholics. (that was our friend Britt's church-- yay!)
The Lord had His hand ALL over this situation. It was amazing to see how open and receptive she was to the nature of the gospel, and how broken she was before Him, ready to allow Him to be Lord over all in her life. I was so encouraged by this meeting that I wanted to cry!
And I was so proud of Wayne... he did an amazing job of counseling her and it was totally beautiful.

As soon as she left, Wayne and I looked at each other and instantly, we knew. THAT was why we were still here! God is amazing.

First sock!

First sock is finished!!!! It's super duper cute, and I love it!!! The toe seams were not as hard to do as I had anticipated but when I looped the yarn around at the last stitch to bind off I made a miniscule bump. You can't see it or feel it, thank God, but it made me frustrated that I did it! Anyways, I finished it last night while chatting with Wayne and literally jumped for joy, elated. Wayne had me model it around the house and was certifiably impressed that I was able to make out of the club foot a sock that actually looked like a sock, that was comfy at that. After I was racing around the house taking pics of it he actually went: "OK, well don't walk all over the kitchen tile with it, you'll get it dirty and it will get ruined!"

Haaha! W00t!

Anyways: tada! My first sock:


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I also completed last night a teeny bookbag I was making for my mamma, who is a teacher. She needs cute things like this:


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That's it! Wayne and I are having the most spectacular weekend and are totally in love and amazed at life. We are doing house church again today so I'm looking forward to just spending a fabulous Sunday with my family. My brother got moved to Ft Benning this week til October, so his new wife Jess is going to be alone for a while. I'd like to have her over for dinner, but I dont think she'll want to make the drive alone.
I'm going to try to go into town twice next week to spend some time with her, but I'm sure she would appreciate the prayers for a safe and productive solitude, which is her first as an army wife.

Thats it!

Myspaz is sick of hearing it.

I've decided to restart a blog here because honestly? There are no knitters on myspaz, and so I'm tired of talking to the air in cyberland about my knitting. I want people to give me suggestions, help, and encouragement, and that isn't going to happen in there. So here I am, wondering how to proceed.
I gotta say.... I'm thinking this will be fun.

I'm learning socks and lace these days-- two things I've been deathly afraid to try, and I'm now in LOVE.
We move in a few weeks. We'll see what happens!