Well, it would seem that after our season of ease of transition, which I told you guys I was prepared for anything in, we're now settling into a season of "hard times."
Fortunately, as I mentioned, God is growing me leaps and bounds and for the first time in my entire life I'm not flipping out like I normally would be which means that---gasp-- I might just have matured a little! Yay.
Yesterday was the coldest day we 've had so far, getting down into the thirties. We were so psyched, until we discovered our heater wouldn't work! We called Wayne's dad for backup space heaters and, in the process, called our HVAC guy to come out and fix it. Turns out there is a good reason it doesn't work-- it's a gas pack. Which is ironic, since the reason we rented this house in the first place is that it was supposedly all electric and thus, we could afford it. (see, the gas deposit, for us, is $300. Yikes!)
Last year, you'll remember, we had a similar incident when Winter struck and we decided to tough it out with space heaters, baby and all. Annika survived, althought I admit we had some fever scares that probably could have been avoided by being warm. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE being cold. Anyways, so it looks like baby Ishod is going to be born into a cold world too, because there is simply no way we can afford to pay the deposit. Even if we could, we wouldn't be able to afford the monthly gas bill, so it's just stupid. And that's ok.... I am not feeling like it's the end of the world. Wayne, on the other hand, is pretty upset, and I can see why. But I just feel like I need to learn something here, so I'll just have to do without. We are never promised an easy ride.
Anyhoo.... so as all this is happening, we are praying steadily about circumsizing our little guy. We REALLY want to do it. Well, me more than Wayne, because without the snip we could be preventing him from later identifying with his Jewish heritage, etc. It's a REALLY big deal for me. That being said.... the Word is clear that it is no longer a necessary issue, and fewer and fewer kids are being circed, so he won't be the wierd one if he stays here in America. If we do end up in Israel, though, I 'm going to be feeling bad. I want my kids' identity to start at birth, you know?
It costs about $400 to do it medically, about $200 to do it "religiously," but we are having a TERRIBLE time finding a mohel who would even consider performing the ceremony for two people who are total Jesus Freaks, much less for no money. But pray I will.. and I'd love it if you joined us.
In related news, we've been hit with a stack of "final" bills from our stay in Cali which is pretty appalling...considering that most utility companies we've dealt with here end up sending US money back, and a couple of bad decisions on my part (I caved in and got us cell phones, which was super stupid, because now our comm bill is gigantic each month... duh.)
Satan is totally attacking us on the financial front, as are the consequences of some poor stewardship (what?? I really NEEDED that yarn!) which is the scariest place to be when you're about to pop with bean number two. And about to pop I am.... I'm effaced and dilating away.
So, meanwhile, I'm not stressing out, because I'm relaxing in the promises of my Lord to prosper us in His timing and in His way. We've been in the scary place before, and He's always pulled us out. We've repented of our poor stewardship in the cell phone and yarn and sword area..... and now we've just got to sit tight and watch God work.
We still don't have a car seat, a bouncer seat, or diapers.
In the same breath, though, I can say that He has been totally present and active in our lives in every other way... I had a knitting student today who really blessed me. Good conversation, fun knitting times, and a believer with a really interesting world view and tons of things to talk about. It was great to be able to contribute to my family's needs too.
I've been getting deeper and deeper into the Word lately, even though I haven't slept in four days (and when I say "haven't slept," I mean I slept for about fifteen mins each hour while Annika wasn't coughing or barfing from 9 pm to 5 am) I'm still getting up and doing my devotional. I feel like a soldier again--- It reminds me of BCT when we survived just fine off three or four hours of sleep each night for weeks on end. Sleep is a crutch. There's a war going on.
So, that's my news. No baby yet, but I'm expecting him any moment. I don't really have a plan for what to do with Annika when I'm in the hospital. My mom doesn't get here until Nov 16. We are so excited to meet him. I feel like there are forty thousand things to do before he gets here, so I've been spending more and more time overexerting myself on loads of laundry, housework, filing papers, and enjoying the things i wont be able to do once he's here, like cooking dinners and reading books and knitting like a maniac.
I'd appreciate any prayer to help us through this season! Let us learn what must be learnt and let our way of life be sustained... and most of all, let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus :)
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Birth, Control, and Building Character.
I heard something on the radio this morning on my way to the doctor's which totally made me think about the whole AP vs Ezzo parenting thing.
In fact, it all tied into a sermon I heard on Sunday too, where the pastor made a claim that if you were born BEFORE the baby boomer era, you were born into a world where people "did right" because it "was right." That is to say that their feelings about doing the right thing, their emotional world, wasn't really validated. They knew that emotions could mislead you, and that it sometimes took some backbone and a little personal pain (sometimes a lot) to do the right thing, but that it was worth it because it was right.
POST baby boomers were raised in the "I'm OK, You're OK," mentality...believing that how they felt about things was relevant to whether or not they should do it, despite the fact that those very things may not be "right." It was a time when absolutes got blurred and everybody's reality became "acceptable" to a certain degree.
Fast forward to this morning's radio show, which challenged Christians not to build their identities as parents on their kids' perceived achievements.... that is to say, these days a "good kid" is a kid who gets straight As, is captain of the cheer squad and plays a mean accordion.... but wait! What about the kid's character? What about their morality or their kindness? These are the things on which we should be basing our children's successes... not the things of this world. And I TOTALLY agree.
Anyways, food for thought.
In other news, I went to the doc's today. My doctor is hilarious. He's a Presbytarian and super young and nice.... he's always warning me that I'm going to go into labor when I'm too "in the Spirit like you Charismatics do... I see it all the time." It makes me laugh to think of the number of times I've been at church worshipping the Lord with all my strength and I go.... "uh oh! Is this it??" Haha. He's totally right. So for all of you trying to bring on early labor--- get you a good sized Charismatic church and worship the Lord and let the Holy Spirit use you for a while. :P
Anyways, I'm no more dilated than I was last week, but I am pretty effaced, which means.... dun dun dun..... time is short.
I'm pretty excited. last night Wayne and I played classical music for the baby and then entertained him by shining a flashlight into my belly. He squirmed and kicked and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it. We can't wait to meet little Ishod.
I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone, but then again, I can't tell you how ready I am to move on to the next stage of life.
For those of you who are interested, we are having a serious and major prayer upheaval in the area of birth control vs. no b.c. and we'd love to hear all about your different experiences. We definitely believe that children are a blessing from the Lord and we for sure believe that having a "quiverfull" is a good thing. On the other hand, we are more and more broke and I'm totally flipped out in desperate prayer about where we are going to get the money to circumsize this little guy (can you BELIEVE it costs up to 400 bucks??? I mean, shoot, we could just do it!) and everything in the world (mostly our parents and concerned friends and family) are like... ok, two is enough. Stop now. We're pretty conflicted, because that's definitely not what the Bible says. We'd love to have a clan of ten kids, but I mean, I don't even drive and we don't own a car. How in the heck would we do it? And if I thought I was sleepy now---- haha.
yeah, haven't slept in three days straight, because Annika has been up all night coughing and wheezing. this is week six of her being sick. boo. SO probably this blog will come out sounding as delirious as I am. I'm now going to sink into the couch and do some knitting--- I cast on for Knit1's raglan boatneck sweater yesterday... woah! I'm on a roll.... and I may only have two more weeks of knitting, reading, and everything else before the world is upheaved again. Ah!
In fact, it all tied into a sermon I heard on Sunday too, where the pastor made a claim that if you were born BEFORE the baby boomer era, you were born into a world where people "did right" because it "was right." That is to say that their feelings about doing the right thing, their emotional world, wasn't really validated. They knew that emotions could mislead you, and that it sometimes took some backbone and a little personal pain (sometimes a lot) to do the right thing, but that it was worth it because it was right.
POST baby boomers were raised in the "I'm OK, You're OK," mentality...believing that how they felt about things was relevant to whether or not they should do it, despite the fact that those very things may not be "right." It was a time when absolutes got blurred and everybody's reality became "acceptable" to a certain degree.
Fast forward to this morning's radio show, which challenged Christians not to build their identities as parents on their kids' perceived achievements.... that is to say, these days a "good kid" is a kid who gets straight As, is captain of the cheer squad and plays a mean accordion.... but wait! What about the kid's character? What about their morality or their kindness? These are the things on which we should be basing our children's successes... not the things of this world. And I TOTALLY agree.
Anyways, food for thought.
In other news, I went to the doc's today. My doctor is hilarious. He's a Presbytarian and super young and nice.... he's always warning me that I'm going to go into labor when I'm too "in the Spirit like you Charismatics do... I see it all the time." It makes me laugh to think of the number of times I've been at church worshipping the Lord with all my strength and I go.... "uh oh! Is this it??" Haha. He's totally right. So for all of you trying to bring on early labor--- get you a good sized Charismatic church and worship the Lord and let the Holy Spirit use you for a while. :P
Anyways, I'm no more dilated than I was last week, but I am pretty effaced, which means.... dun dun dun..... time is short.
I'm pretty excited. last night Wayne and I played classical music for the baby and then entertained him by shining a flashlight into my belly. He squirmed and kicked and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it. We can't wait to meet little Ishod.
I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone, but then again, I can't tell you how ready I am to move on to the next stage of life.
For those of you who are interested, we are having a serious and major prayer upheaval in the area of birth control vs. no b.c. and we'd love to hear all about your different experiences. We definitely believe that children are a blessing from the Lord and we for sure believe that having a "quiverfull" is a good thing. On the other hand, we are more and more broke and I'm totally flipped out in desperate prayer about where we are going to get the money to circumsize this little guy (can you BELIEVE it costs up to 400 bucks??? I mean, shoot, we could just do it!) and everything in the world (mostly our parents and concerned friends and family) are like... ok, two is enough. Stop now. We're pretty conflicted, because that's definitely not what the Bible says. We'd love to have a clan of ten kids, but I mean, I don't even drive and we don't own a car. How in the heck would we do it? And if I thought I was sleepy now---- haha.
yeah, haven't slept in three days straight, because Annika has been up all night coughing and wheezing. this is week six of her being sick. boo. SO probably this blog will come out sounding as delirious as I am. I'm now going to sink into the couch and do some knitting--- I cast on for Knit1's raglan boatneck sweater yesterday... woah! I'm on a roll.... and I may only have two more weeks of knitting, reading, and everything else before the world is upheaved again. Ah!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Fall into fall
There's a ghost in the house!
Wayne is forever gliding back and forth in the hallway when I'm in the living room like the grim reaper.
It makes me laugh so hard I always manage to drop stitches or lose my place in my knitting-- argh.
I finally caught him on film:
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Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Hehe.
Anyways, we had our first heavy rain today. It was so refreshing to wake up to the pitter patter of raindrops on our roof... and Annika must have thought so too because she woke up at 5 am with me just to enjoy the weird air.
Wayne took her out to experience rain. It was too cute to watch them...
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Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
and then, of course, we all came inside and wrapped up in blankets:
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Thank God we've got a ton of those! :P
Anyways, I let Annika watch WAY too many Veggie Tales yesterday because I was caught between the phone dealing with Wayne's mom's stuff and trying desperately to clean my own house and get my stuff in order. So I noticed that it made her super weird and cranky by evening-- in fact, I dont think she slept well BECAUSE she had so much TV time yesterday. I wont be making that mistake again any time soon.
Today she and I cuddled on the couch and read some books most of the morning-- that was so nice and a fabulous change from having to get up and DO stuff... I think I needed the rest. The wind and rain are slowly stopping, but I've really enjoyed this Fallish morning.
Here in North Carolina, the Fall is amazing. Trees change to these deep reds and auburns. The air goes from stifling to crisp and interesting. The bugs go into hiding and instead you can enjoy long walks and clean smelling air. I love it.
I love all the seasons, but every time they change I'm reminded how each one is incredible and different and exciting. Soon it will be Halloween and then Thanksgiving, which I am really looking forward to. Little Ishod will be welcomed into the world during the holidays, which makes me excited for him-- the holidays are so much fun and such a good family time to be together and enjoy each other.
I was talking with Wayne's dad last night on the phone and was recounting the conversation to Wayne this morning when I realized I had tears in my eyes. He has been so kind to us and I see in him how proud he is of his son and his son's family-- it is just such a blessing to know that we are a blessing to him. I told Wayne just how awesome it is to have a father who loves him so much. Of course, he's far from perfect, but aren't we all? Wayne just smiled and said: he's your dad too and he loves you that much.
It was nice to recognize that God's ways work... that our "slice of heaven" was greatly due to the fact that we had inherited a blessing and not a curse. Awesome.
Anyways, I'm off to make Annika's little lunch (she eats the cutest lunches... all colorful and full of variety and they all have interesting textures to keep her learning... it's so fun!)
Wayne is forever gliding back and forth in the hallway when I'm in the living room like the grim reaper.
It makes me laugh so hard I always manage to drop stitches or lose my place in my knitting-- argh.
I finally caught him on film:
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Hehe.
Anyways, we had our first heavy rain today. It was so refreshing to wake up to the pitter patter of raindrops on our roof... and Annika must have thought so too because she woke up at 5 am with me just to enjoy the weird air.
Wayne took her out to experience rain. It was too cute to watch them...
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
and then, of course, we all came inside and wrapped up in blankets:
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
Thank God we've got a ton of those! :P
Anyways, I let Annika watch WAY too many Veggie Tales yesterday because I was caught between the phone dealing with Wayne's mom's stuff and trying desperately to clean my own house and get my stuff in order. So I noticed that it made her super weird and cranky by evening-- in fact, I dont think she slept well BECAUSE she had so much TV time yesterday. I wont be making that mistake again any time soon.
Today she and I cuddled on the couch and read some books most of the morning-- that was so nice and a fabulous change from having to get up and DO stuff... I think I needed the rest. The wind and rain are slowly stopping, but I've really enjoyed this Fallish morning.
Here in North Carolina, the Fall is amazing. Trees change to these deep reds and auburns. The air goes from stifling to crisp and interesting. The bugs go into hiding and instead you can enjoy long walks and clean smelling air. I love it.
I love all the seasons, but every time they change I'm reminded how each one is incredible and different and exciting. Soon it will be Halloween and then Thanksgiving, which I am really looking forward to. Little Ishod will be welcomed into the world during the holidays, which makes me excited for him-- the holidays are so much fun and such a good family time to be together and enjoy each other.
I was talking with Wayne's dad last night on the phone and was recounting the conversation to Wayne this morning when I realized I had tears in my eyes. He has been so kind to us and I see in him how proud he is of his son and his son's family-- it is just such a blessing to know that we are a blessing to him. I told Wayne just how awesome it is to have a father who loves him so much. Of course, he's far from perfect, but aren't we all? Wayne just smiled and said: he's your dad too and he loves you that much.
It was nice to recognize that God's ways work... that our "slice of heaven" was greatly due to the fact that we had inherited a blessing and not a curse. Awesome.
Anyways, I'm off to make Annika's little lunch (she eats the cutest lunches... all colorful and full of variety and they all have interesting textures to keep her learning... it's so fun!)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
No sensible person would come to these conclusions.
There's this particular woman in the Ravelry threads who is just fascinating to me.
She's the same one who mentioned that she thought I was using Nazi recruiting tactics to convert people to Christianity by posting controversial topics and then setting myself up a soapbox. I've now bowed out of the two ravelry threads (there's now one on spanking--- imagine that. ) because I don't feel that they are very productive anymore, but I can't stop thinking about what she is saying. (Wayne assured me that bowing out was a good idea. Upon some reflection, I realized everything he was saying was right-- WWJD on Ravelry's Pinny Porn thread? He would take the time to explain the truth, and if they didn't receive the message, then He would take His own advice and shake the dust of his feet and move on. In fact, sometimes He would eclipse himself under a shower of falling rocks, which is kinda how it feels to just stop posting in there right now. )
I mean, it's really an interesting phenomenon. When you are a person who holds an opinion different than the norm, people get offended. That's to be expected. If everyone liked bananas and then I came in the room and declined to eat a banana, they'd be like... you're weird. I have no problem with that. Where it gets bizarre is that I am forever feeling like people want me to like the bananas anyways. If I say "I choose to submit to my husband," people are like... it's archaic! barbaric! revolting! no way! You must change your mind!
If I say, " I spank my kids using a method that I believe in, never in anger," people are like.... oh my gosh! abuse! Call Child Protective Services!
If I say," I think the UN is evil," people are like no! surely not! you're a dingbat!
Then they try to deconstruct my theories based on either how stupid they can make me look (most try to go the route of accusing me of being a know-nothing hillbilly, based on the fact that I live in North Carolina and am a Christian, which is hilarious.) If they can't make me out to just be "dumb," then I'm a victim. (In this case, for example, I can't tell you how many people think I'm in an abusive relationship and just don't realize it... that I'm manipulated by my husband and my pastor and probably in a cult, etc.)
If that doesn't work, then I'm suddenly dangerous and they get all up in arms. If that doesn't work, then I'm crazy. In this particular thread, one of the posters was trying to deconstruct my psyche (Why were you so violently rebellious in high school?) and I mentioned that I had been diagnosed with BPD. This, of course, sends them into a flurry of Ohs and Ahs.... that's why she's believing all these things! She's totally nuts! Well, no use debating with a crazy person... she obviously can't reason.
As a last and final affront, they accuse you of trolling when you prove that you can create a coherent train of thought. Basically? You're doing all this because you want attention.
I mean, it really shouldn't matter, but it does drive me nuts. The reason is so simple, I can't believe that it makes no sense to them. Why can't I just be a thinking, feeling, reasoning woman like them and still come to these conclusions? Why is the normal and rational train of thought ALWAYS going to lead to what they believe and CANNOT logically lead to what I believe? I'm starting to feel like Ann Coulter, here.... it just makes no sense.
In order to believe the Bible, according to the world, I have to be either a victim of abuse, emotionally unstable, crazy, a liar, an idiot, in a cult, or just plain looking for attention. What?
Of course, this should be my first indicator that God is maturing me.... not only because I've come a long way from the early days of R&P threads where I just hammered on people for not getting it. I've really been amazed at how calm I've remained throughout this entire infuriating conversation-- I haven't even resorted to sarcasm, which is shocking for me. To top it off, I've noticed that God has given me a real heart for a lot of the people in the thread.... people who I normally, to be honest, am just kind of like... "Well, I'm not going to see you in heaven. Oh well. That's why it's Heaven." I mean, I hate to say that, but it's true that I am sometimes tempted to forget that God Himself loves every single person just as much... from Adolph Hitler to Osama Bin Laden and everyone in between. Lord, help me to love people the way you do.
So I've been surprised to find myself genuinely caring about some of the people in there who I normally would be, well, just over. Even some of the ones who haven't demonstrated an ounce of respect during the entire course of the debate. It's amazing, but I really do think that my sobbing, frustrated prayers for more mercy for people as a result of the R&P debates have been answered. I'm not anywhere NEAR as compassionate as I think Jesus would have been towards a lot of these people. But I'm seeing some improvement, and I KNOW that's God's work and not mine. It's exciting.
I'm definitely going to be praying for more of it.
Anyways, that's it really. I'm reminded that being a Christian means the world will hate you. I haven't encountered a lot of situations in life which drive this point home as well as the internets do, but that's really just because when, in life, do you have the opportunity to round table a topic with people from all different backgrounds?
I'm also reminded that the point of it all is to glorify Christ.
The thing that's bizarre is-- how does one glorify Christ by appearing crazy, stupid, angry, abused, etc? Maybe it's better if Christians acted like Latter Day Saints or Jehova's Witnesses, and just went around baking everybody baskets of goodies and doing their laundry for them.
But when I ask God about that, He ALWAYS reminds me that
The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God.
Sure, I could stand to bake an extra cake once in a while and bring it next door. In fact, I think I'll do that this afternoon. But the more I pray, the more I'm convinced that it's OK to be looked at as crazy, dumb, ignorant, evil, etc. by people who's standards of judgement and whose measuring stick is not the Bible, whether they call themselves Christians or not. It's OK, because I know where I stand and to whom my allegiance is. I know the power and the glory of my God. And I know the reality, that this world is but a passing flash, but that His Glory will endure forever and ever. I think if I would have given one inch in that debate, that I would have dishonored my God by saying that there MIGHT, POSSIBLY, MAYBE be a chance that the God of the Bible isn't who He says He is and doesn't mean what He says He means. And the bottom line is....
our God is an awesome God,
He reigns from heaven above
in wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God.
And I'm reassured that because His Word does not return void, I somehow, in some way, may have been used to bring His Word to a searching heart.
She's the same one who mentioned that she thought I was using Nazi recruiting tactics to convert people to Christianity by posting controversial topics and then setting myself up a soapbox. I've now bowed out of the two ravelry threads (there's now one on spanking--- imagine that. ) because I don't feel that they are very productive anymore, but I can't stop thinking about what she is saying. (Wayne assured me that bowing out was a good idea. Upon some reflection, I realized everything he was saying was right-- WWJD on Ravelry's Pinny Porn thread? He would take the time to explain the truth, and if they didn't receive the message, then He would take His own advice and shake the dust of his feet and move on. In fact, sometimes He would eclipse himself under a shower of falling rocks, which is kinda how it feels to just stop posting in there right now. )
I mean, it's really an interesting phenomenon. When you are a person who holds an opinion different than the norm, people get offended. That's to be expected. If everyone liked bananas and then I came in the room and declined to eat a banana, they'd be like... you're weird. I have no problem with that. Where it gets bizarre is that I am forever feeling like people want me to like the bananas anyways. If I say "I choose to submit to my husband," people are like... it's archaic! barbaric! revolting! no way! You must change your mind!
If I say, " I spank my kids using a method that I believe in, never in anger," people are like.... oh my gosh! abuse! Call Child Protective Services!
If I say," I think the UN is evil," people are like no! surely not! you're a dingbat!
Then they try to deconstruct my theories based on either how stupid they can make me look (most try to go the route of accusing me of being a know-nothing hillbilly, based on the fact that I live in North Carolina and am a Christian, which is hilarious.) If they can't make me out to just be "dumb," then I'm a victim. (In this case, for example, I can't tell you how many people think I'm in an abusive relationship and just don't realize it... that I'm manipulated by my husband and my pastor and probably in a cult, etc.)
If that doesn't work, then I'm suddenly dangerous and they get all up in arms. If that doesn't work, then I'm crazy. In this particular thread, one of the posters was trying to deconstruct my psyche (Why were you so violently rebellious in high school?) and I mentioned that I had been diagnosed with BPD. This, of course, sends them into a flurry of Ohs and Ahs.... that's why she's believing all these things! She's totally nuts! Well, no use debating with a crazy person... she obviously can't reason.
As a last and final affront, they accuse you of trolling when you prove that you can create a coherent train of thought. Basically? You're doing all this because you want attention.
I mean, it really shouldn't matter, but it does drive me nuts. The reason is so simple, I can't believe that it makes no sense to them. Why can't I just be a thinking, feeling, reasoning woman like them and still come to these conclusions? Why is the normal and rational train of thought ALWAYS going to lead to what they believe and CANNOT logically lead to what I believe? I'm starting to feel like Ann Coulter, here.... it just makes no sense.
In order to believe the Bible, according to the world, I have to be either a victim of abuse, emotionally unstable, crazy, a liar, an idiot, in a cult, or just plain looking for attention. What?
Of course, this should be my first indicator that God is maturing me.... not only because I've come a long way from the early days of R&P threads where I just hammered on people for not getting it. I've really been amazed at how calm I've remained throughout this entire infuriating conversation-- I haven't even resorted to sarcasm, which is shocking for me. To top it off, I've noticed that God has given me a real heart for a lot of the people in the thread.... people who I normally, to be honest, am just kind of like... "Well, I'm not going to see you in heaven. Oh well. That's why it's Heaven." I mean, I hate to say that, but it's true that I am sometimes tempted to forget that God Himself loves every single person just as much... from Adolph Hitler to Osama Bin Laden and everyone in between. Lord, help me to love people the way you do.
So I've been surprised to find myself genuinely caring about some of the people in there who I normally would be, well, just over. Even some of the ones who haven't demonstrated an ounce of respect during the entire course of the debate. It's amazing, but I really do think that my sobbing, frustrated prayers for more mercy for people as a result of the R&P debates have been answered. I'm not anywhere NEAR as compassionate as I think Jesus would have been towards a lot of these people. But I'm seeing some improvement, and I KNOW that's God's work and not mine. It's exciting.
I'm definitely going to be praying for more of it.
Anyways, that's it really. I'm reminded that being a Christian means the world will hate you. I haven't encountered a lot of situations in life which drive this point home as well as the internets do, but that's really just because when, in life, do you have the opportunity to round table a topic with people from all different backgrounds?
I'm also reminded that the point of it all is to glorify Christ.
The thing that's bizarre is-- how does one glorify Christ by appearing crazy, stupid, angry, abused, etc? Maybe it's better if Christians acted like Latter Day Saints or Jehova's Witnesses, and just went around baking everybody baskets of goodies and doing their laundry for them.
But when I ask God about that, He ALWAYS reminds me that
The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God.
Sure, I could stand to bake an extra cake once in a while and bring it next door. In fact, I think I'll do that this afternoon. But the more I pray, the more I'm convinced that it's OK to be looked at as crazy, dumb, ignorant, evil, etc. by people who's standards of judgement and whose measuring stick is not the Bible, whether they call themselves Christians or not. It's OK, because I know where I stand and to whom my allegiance is. I know the power and the glory of my God. And I know the reality, that this world is but a passing flash, but that His Glory will endure forever and ever. I think if I would have given one inch in that debate, that I would have dishonored my God by saying that there MIGHT, POSSIBLY, MAYBE be a chance that the God of the Bible isn't who He says He is and doesn't mean what He says He means. And the bottom line is....
our God is an awesome God,
He reigns from heaven above
in wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God.
And I'm reassured that because His Word does not return void, I somehow, in some way, may have been used to bring His Word to a searching heart.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
So many things, so little time....
I'm doing the new mommies cell again this cycle. I'm going Thursday for the first time since returning to NC, and I can't wait.
I feel like it's the Lord because part of me struggled really hard with wanting to go. Not that I don't LOVE the girls in there, but because I am in such a hurry to get past this "young moms" thing, and into a place where I'm just doing "women's" stuff.
But yet, here I am, about to be a mom again... I can't just ignore that. It's the place He has me and the season I'm in.
So as I was praying about it, I really felt compelled to pray especially about the marriages of all the women in there. Imagine my surprise when I called Katie to tell her I was going and she told me the book they are doing is "the Power of a Praying Wife (not mom!)
I was so excited.
I'm further stoked as I read this week's chapter and it totally confirms everything I have been saying in the Ravelry thread about laying down your life for your husband...
I'm sure none of them can consider Stormie O'Martian "extreme" in the sense they consider me, or Debi Pearl, or Martha Peace extreme. I'm sure that quiet little Presbytarian small groups and the ladies over at the Christian Unitarian church probably study her books too.
But here it is, in her own words....
"This whole requirement (our hearts being right before our prayers for our husband's change to be answered) is especially hard when you feel your husband has sinned against you with unkindness, lack of respect, indifference, irresponsibility, infidelity, abandonment, cruelty, or abuse. But God considers the sins of unforgiveness, anger, hatred, self pity, lovelessness, and revenge to be JUST as bad as any others. Confess them and ask God to free you from anything that is not of Him. One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness. The most effective tool in transforming him may be your own transformation."
Exactly what I've been trying to describe when talking about some of the ideas behind being a committed and submissive wife.
As she so eloquently puts it... "is it painful? yes, dying to yourself is always painful. Especially when you are convinced that the other person needs more changing than you. But this kind of pain leads to life. The other alternative is just as painful and ultimately leads to the death of a dream, relationship, a marriage, or a family."
Ironically, as I'm praying about all of this and pondering it I get an email from my dad, who I apparently offended a bit over a general email I sent out in which I described our goings on. He objected to my name appearing as "Mrs. Wayne" rather than "Mrs. Barbie." "Careful, or you'll disappear altogether," he warned.
Isn't it amazing how when God deals with you about certain issues, He really DEALS with you. It's unrelenting. I think Beth Moore said she felt like when He was teaching her something it was EVERYWHERE she turned. I get that, completely. It's in Ravelry, its on my voice mail, its in my email, it's in my AP group, it's in my bedroom, it's in my neighbor's house, it's in my pastor's sermons.... I mean, yes! I'm listening :)
Anyways, I've had next to no energy over the last three days and I've overspent most of it trying to be heard and understood over in Ravelry, so I need some times of refreshing and I'm off to get in the Word. It's been amazing in there, especially now that they are all chanting "abuse" at me because I choose to spank my daughter.
God forbid I take some responsibility as a parent and decide to figure out what is the best way to mold her into a good and virtuous woman, you know?
I started a really sweet little shawl:
And I have a foxy husband :)
Enjoy the evening, guys. I need some quiet time.
I feel like it's the Lord because part of me struggled really hard with wanting to go. Not that I don't LOVE the girls in there, but because I am in such a hurry to get past this "young moms" thing, and into a place where I'm just doing "women's" stuff.
But yet, here I am, about to be a mom again... I can't just ignore that. It's the place He has me and the season I'm in.
So as I was praying about it, I really felt compelled to pray especially about the marriages of all the women in there. Imagine my surprise when I called Katie to tell her I was going and she told me the book they are doing is "the Power of a Praying Wife (not mom!)
I was so excited.
I'm further stoked as I read this week's chapter and it totally confirms everything I have been saying in the Ravelry thread about laying down your life for your husband...
I'm sure none of them can consider Stormie O'Martian "extreme" in the sense they consider me, or Debi Pearl, or Martha Peace extreme. I'm sure that quiet little Presbytarian small groups and the ladies over at the Christian Unitarian church probably study her books too.
But here it is, in her own words....
"This whole requirement (our hearts being right before our prayers for our husband's change to be answered) is especially hard when you feel your husband has sinned against you with unkindness, lack of respect, indifference, irresponsibility, infidelity, abandonment, cruelty, or abuse. But God considers the sins of unforgiveness, anger, hatred, self pity, lovelessness, and revenge to be JUST as bad as any others. Confess them and ask God to free you from anything that is not of Him. One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness. The most effective tool in transforming him may be your own transformation."
Exactly what I've been trying to describe when talking about some of the ideas behind being a committed and submissive wife.
As she so eloquently puts it... "is it painful? yes, dying to yourself is always painful. Especially when you are convinced that the other person needs more changing than you. But this kind of pain leads to life. The other alternative is just as painful and ultimately leads to the death of a dream, relationship, a marriage, or a family."
Ironically, as I'm praying about all of this and pondering it I get an email from my dad, who I apparently offended a bit over a general email I sent out in which I described our goings on. He objected to my name appearing as "Mrs. Wayne" rather than "Mrs. Barbie." "Careful, or you'll disappear altogether," he warned.
Isn't it amazing how when God deals with you about certain issues, He really DEALS with you. It's unrelenting. I think Beth Moore said she felt like when He was teaching her something it was EVERYWHERE she turned. I get that, completely. It's in Ravelry, its on my voice mail, its in my email, it's in my AP group, it's in my bedroom, it's in my neighbor's house, it's in my pastor's sermons.... I mean, yes! I'm listening :)
Anyways, I've had next to no energy over the last three days and I've overspent most of it trying to be heard and understood over in Ravelry, so I need some times of refreshing and I'm off to get in the Word. It's been amazing in there, especially now that they are all chanting "abuse" at me because I choose to spank my daughter.
God forbid I take some responsibility as a parent and decide to figure out what is the best way to mold her into a good and virtuous woman, you know?
I started a really sweet little shawl:
And I have a foxy husband :)
Enjoy the evening, guys. I need some quiet time.
wierdest thing ever
While I"m frantically ravel-ing in the Pinny Porn thread, (which is where I've been all week... I just am fascinated!)
Wayne has been shining annika's flashlight on my face and making my silhouette. Turns out I look EXACTLY like him in it. It's creepy. Back in a minute with a pic to prove it. :P
Bye.
Wayne has been shining annika's flashlight on my face and making my silhouette. Turns out I look EXACTLY like him in it. It's creepy. Back in a minute with a pic to prove it. :P
Bye.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Let the brainwashing end...
So I'm in the middle of the twilight zone. Of course all of these profound things are going to happen this week when I'm not sleeping, eating properly, or even functioning. Gah.
First off, I have just made the most amazing discovery. I was in Annika's room tonight, reading her some stories, and I came across this book, Minou, that I had and loved when I was a child. Wayne had come across it about four months ago and told me he didn't like the message, but I had waved him off with a "whatever," and kept the book. Tonight, as I was reading, I was literally floored to discover several things. There not only is an underlying message to the book, but the message is blatantly spelled out in the rear in a section for parents. The section also includes sample activities to do with your young girls as you share the message with them. It also includes guidelines for raising your daughters to agree with the message.... which basically states that girls MUST learn how to work and take care of themselves because boys will no longer do it.
Some of the advice given to parents was absolutely appalling. To quote a few: "Avoid rescuing girls, help them become problem solvers. Use gender neutral labels. Encourage risk taking in girls and care-taking in boys. Read what children are reading and point out sexist messages. Write protest letters together. Try role reversals at home. Let dad do the dishes, son bathe the baby and sister take out the garbage and mow the lawn. Introduce women to the workplace early."
Basically everything my favorite ministry, Vision Forum, is fighting against.
(If you are unfamiliar with them, you can and should read their statement of beliefs about biblical patriarchy here)
I realized also that the woman who wrote the book is the Executive Director of the Girls Club of Santa Barbara, where I spent a great deal of time, and who also wrote this sort of unspiritual devotional, called "Choices: A teen woman's journal for self awareness and Personal Planning."
I thought back on the YEARS I spent reading a portion of that book every night and planning and plotting my way into failure as a biblical wife and mother, filling myself up with information and knowledge based on lies the feminist agenda put forth and which I swallowed up with relish. Unbelievable. I felt cheated! Most of all, I felt fascinated.... I know that my parents believe the best solution is not indoctrination but EXPOSURE to ensure that their children are able to make decisions with the whole picture in mind, but I can't help but wonder if I HADN'T been exposed to all this crap early on, would I have suffered as much or been as out of control? Probably not. I think there is a definite case for protecting your children, and for training them to recognize right from wrong (though this doesn't have to mean living in a bubble at all.)
Now I have tons of spiritual work (prayer) to do for release from all these lies I've been holding on to for ever. Yippee.
I'm ever so grateful to have discovered this stuff BEFORE Annika was able to read it for herself. I mean really, I feel like I wasn't even given a fighting chance to be a Proverbs 31 woman from the start with my head full of this kind of garbage.
Also, in my stepford wives group here on myspace, I've been learning some amazing truths about the sexual relationship between husband and wife that have just been GNARLY. Ones that have really left me encouraged and also hit me hard.
Anyways, I was going to do section two of the submitted wife topic tonight, but as you can see I was sidetracked by a book about a cat and I can no longer think of anything else :P
I'm off to work on my Aracunia Patagonia Cotton Shawl, I am LOVING knitting that baby up. Pics soon.
First off, I have just made the most amazing discovery. I was in Annika's room tonight, reading her some stories, and I came across this book, Minou, that I had and loved when I was a child. Wayne had come across it about four months ago and told me he didn't like the message, but I had waved him off with a "whatever," and kept the book. Tonight, as I was reading, I was literally floored to discover several things. There not only is an underlying message to the book, but the message is blatantly spelled out in the rear in a section for parents. The section also includes sample activities to do with your young girls as you share the message with them. It also includes guidelines for raising your daughters to agree with the message.... which basically states that girls MUST learn how to work and take care of themselves because boys will no longer do it.
Some of the advice given to parents was absolutely appalling. To quote a few: "Avoid rescuing girls, help them become problem solvers. Use gender neutral labels. Encourage risk taking in girls and care-taking in boys. Read what children are reading and point out sexist messages. Write protest letters together. Try role reversals at home. Let dad do the dishes, son bathe the baby and sister take out the garbage and mow the lawn. Introduce women to the workplace early."
Basically everything my favorite ministry, Vision Forum, is fighting against.
(If you are unfamiliar with them, you can and should read their statement of beliefs about biblical patriarchy here)
I realized also that the woman who wrote the book is the Executive Director of the Girls Club of Santa Barbara, where I spent a great deal of time, and who also wrote this sort of unspiritual devotional, called "Choices: A teen woman's journal for self awareness and Personal Planning."
I thought back on the YEARS I spent reading a portion of that book every night and planning and plotting my way into failure as a biblical wife and mother, filling myself up with information and knowledge based on lies the feminist agenda put forth and which I swallowed up with relish. Unbelievable. I felt cheated! Most of all, I felt fascinated.... I know that my parents believe the best solution is not indoctrination but EXPOSURE to ensure that their children are able to make decisions with the whole picture in mind, but I can't help but wonder if I HADN'T been exposed to all this crap early on, would I have suffered as much or been as out of control? Probably not. I think there is a definite case for protecting your children, and for training them to recognize right from wrong (though this doesn't have to mean living in a bubble at all.)
Now I have tons of spiritual work (prayer) to do for release from all these lies I've been holding on to for ever. Yippee.
I'm ever so grateful to have discovered this stuff BEFORE Annika was able to read it for herself. I mean really, I feel like I wasn't even given a fighting chance to be a Proverbs 31 woman from the start with my head full of this kind of garbage.
Also, in my stepford wives group here on myspace, I've been learning some amazing truths about the sexual relationship between husband and wife that have just been GNARLY. Ones that have really left me encouraged and also hit me hard.
Anyways, I was going to do section two of the submitted wife topic tonight, but as you can see I was sidetracked by a book about a cat and I can no longer think of anything else :P
I'm off to work on my Aracunia Patagonia Cotton Shawl, I am LOVING knitting that baby up. Pics soon.
When thinking is bad for you
I'm reading the first fiction I've read in literally years right now. It's called the Effects of Light, and it's soooo good.
Wayne reads me a lot of classic lit in the evenings, but I'll be honest-- for someone who used to always read three books at a time, lately I just haven't been into fiction. Ever since Jesus happened to me, really. I still read a TON, don't get me wrong, but now my morning and evening reading is always the Bible, and I spend most of my leisure reading time (haha-- ok, when i have some) reading Practical Christian Living books.... Bible studies, etc. So this was something I've been wanting to do, to see if I've outgrown fiction and to see if I could still gain something profound from it.
The story line is about a girl who grew up in intellectual, artsy circles, and who, as a result, had her life documented on film to make a statement. Interestingly, the photos show her and her sister au naturel, if you will, which causes quiet a ruckus amongst critics... namely.... "is it art? is it child porn?" The younger sister dies and the girl tries to move on, only to discover she needs to go back and explore her family and the roots of the pictures in order to move on. It's really well written. I think the author was only 25 at the time of writing it and I admit I'm pretty engrossed. (I'm nearly finished iwith it.)
The book raises some really amazing questions. My first reaction to the pictures was to think of Metart, which you can find on any pornographic search engine. (Not that you should!) It's no secret that many a photographer, "artist" or not, has successfully taken erotic photos of children. Setting aside the question of what constitutes pornography (Is it the nudity? Is it the eroticism? etc) I was particularly fascinated with a different aspect of the story.
Like me, the author (and consequentially the main character, Myla) grew up in a family of intellectuals. And the profound effect this had on her was to light her brain on fire and force her into some sort of thinking hurricane state... one which I'm all too familiar with. Intellectuals have this fascination with the act of thinking that, as a Christian now with a whole different perspective, can frankly drive one to the point of insanity.
I recall last week when I was conversing with my dad about some of the words Annika is now using. He brought up the fact that he had tried to teach her to say "I don't know."
"You see, " he told me, " You guys were only teaching her "yes," and "no." I had to give her the third option... the one that allows her to think."
My dad was really happy about this, but it was weird that I reacted poorly to it. I want my daughter to know YES and NO. I don't want her to have that third option now. It seems too dangerous.
After all, thinking ALWAYS gets me into trouble. I've spent most of my life in a flurry of brain activity... constantly searching for meaning in the things I experience. I'd lay awake at night pondering the existence of thought itself and wondering just how intricately connected different parts of my life may be based solely on associations my MIND could create. As a child, I was writing thesis papers for my parents, presenting ideas about the state of the world and the meaning therein. I remember being in 7th grade and taking 1st place in a State Optimist's Club Speech Contest. My speech topic? Female Circumcision in the Third World and their effect on the Western Feminist Viewpoint. What kind of seventh grader feels the urge to find meaning in THAT??
It was thinking that got me, once I was diagnosed with BPD, into the most trouble. All of a sudden it was like my brain broke and the thinking couldn't stop. It created a propensity towards self pity in me all on it's own.... and delved me deep into craziness.
I remember reading "Girl, Interrupted," (Susanna Kaysen, the author, also suffered from BPD) and finding myself in it at the turn of every page. In one chapter she discusses dwelling on her body parts. The line she reads says "which brings me to the tongue. You've been here before, and it's bad. Why is it so big? What are those bumps on it?" (etc, etc.) I related to that so well because, like her, I'd lay awake sometimes and wonder about things like that....even the tongue! I remember thinking, after reading it, that Susanna Kaysen had only become crazy the day they had forced her to think about wether or not she was crazy. It was the ACT of thinking that drew her into insanity and the act of letting go that brought her back out.
The book seems to do what every intellectual I have ever met does. It praises the use of thought and reason to determine what matters in life and to determine on what we should dwell. And within that lies the inherent danger of creating our own realities and getting lost in the worlds our minds create.
It affects Myla, the main character, because she cannot escape her mind and the effect of her family on it. It affects my father, who like billions of professors the world over, lies in hermitage in his book filled study, pen and paper in hand, pouring over work after work and thought after thought to determine their intrinsic value both as art and to the cause of humanity.
I guess what I'm saying is that being thrown back into the heart of the collegiate universe in which I was raised by reading this book, it has brought only one "thought" to the forefront, and that's gratitude that I escaped the curse of intellectualism that was placed on me. Because I can STOP thinking once I've reached the answer.... I believe that there IS an underlying answer. With God, whose mysteries are infinite and who I can "study" and ponder and meditate on all day long, I'm taken outside myself into the infinite world that holds deeper a meaning that ANY I can glean from my own personal thought processes. That's why I love conversation.... that's why I can't keep away from forums. I love to hear about the larger world and think, and put it into context with the tangible reality of what I KNOW is true. It's the minute I step outside of that into trying to personalize the meaning of the universe and human thought based on what I know and what I experience that it takes me deep into a danger zone...
Art is interesting, relevant, and important. But to place meaning in something that, ultimately, does nothing for humanity but ExPRESS a thought, and to hold it as an idol... that I am so glad to be free from. I am so glad that I can pray with total freedom: Lord, give me YOUR eyes for this situation and YOUR thoughts. Help me to have the mind of Christ for this.
It's soooooo liberating sometimes NOT to think.
Wayne reads me a lot of classic lit in the evenings, but I'll be honest-- for someone who used to always read three books at a time, lately I just haven't been into fiction. Ever since Jesus happened to me, really. I still read a TON, don't get me wrong, but now my morning and evening reading is always the Bible, and I spend most of my leisure reading time (haha-- ok, when i have some) reading Practical Christian Living books.... Bible studies, etc. So this was something I've been wanting to do, to see if I've outgrown fiction and to see if I could still gain something profound from it.
The story line is about a girl who grew up in intellectual, artsy circles, and who, as a result, had her life documented on film to make a statement. Interestingly, the photos show her and her sister au naturel, if you will, which causes quiet a ruckus amongst critics... namely.... "is it art? is it child porn?" The younger sister dies and the girl tries to move on, only to discover she needs to go back and explore her family and the roots of the pictures in order to move on. It's really well written. I think the author was only 25 at the time of writing it and I admit I'm pretty engrossed. (I'm nearly finished iwith it.)
The book raises some really amazing questions. My first reaction to the pictures was to think of Metart, which you can find on any pornographic search engine. (Not that you should!) It's no secret that many a photographer, "artist" or not, has successfully taken erotic photos of children. Setting aside the question of what constitutes pornography (Is it the nudity? Is it the eroticism? etc) I was particularly fascinated with a different aspect of the story.
Like me, the author (and consequentially the main character, Myla) grew up in a family of intellectuals. And the profound effect this had on her was to light her brain on fire and force her into some sort of thinking hurricane state... one which I'm all too familiar with. Intellectuals have this fascination with the act of thinking that, as a Christian now with a whole different perspective, can frankly drive one to the point of insanity.
I recall last week when I was conversing with my dad about some of the words Annika is now using. He brought up the fact that he had tried to teach her to say "I don't know."
"You see, " he told me, " You guys were only teaching her "yes," and "no." I had to give her the third option... the one that allows her to think."
My dad was really happy about this, but it was weird that I reacted poorly to it. I want my daughter to know YES and NO. I don't want her to have that third option now. It seems too dangerous.
After all, thinking ALWAYS gets me into trouble. I've spent most of my life in a flurry of brain activity... constantly searching for meaning in the things I experience. I'd lay awake at night pondering the existence of thought itself and wondering just how intricately connected different parts of my life may be based solely on associations my MIND could create. As a child, I was writing thesis papers for my parents, presenting ideas about the state of the world and the meaning therein. I remember being in 7th grade and taking 1st place in a State Optimist's Club Speech Contest. My speech topic? Female Circumcision in the Third World and their effect on the Western Feminist Viewpoint. What kind of seventh grader feels the urge to find meaning in THAT??
It was thinking that got me, once I was diagnosed with BPD, into the most trouble. All of a sudden it was like my brain broke and the thinking couldn't stop. It created a propensity towards self pity in me all on it's own.... and delved me deep into craziness.
I remember reading "Girl, Interrupted," (Susanna Kaysen, the author, also suffered from BPD) and finding myself in it at the turn of every page. In one chapter she discusses dwelling on her body parts. The line she reads says "which brings me to the tongue. You've been here before, and it's bad. Why is it so big? What are those bumps on it?" (etc, etc.) I related to that so well because, like her, I'd lay awake sometimes and wonder about things like that....even the tongue! I remember thinking, after reading it, that Susanna Kaysen had only become crazy the day they had forced her to think about wether or not she was crazy. It was the ACT of thinking that drew her into insanity and the act of letting go that brought her back out.
The book seems to do what every intellectual I have ever met does. It praises the use of thought and reason to determine what matters in life and to determine on what we should dwell. And within that lies the inherent danger of creating our own realities and getting lost in the worlds our minds create.
It affects Myla, the main character, because she cannot escape her mind and the effect of her family on it. It affects my father, who like billions of professors the world over, lies in hermitage in his book filled study, pen and paper in hand, pouring over work after work and thought after thought to determine their intrinsic value both as art and to the cause of humanity.
I guess what I'm saying is that being thrown back into the heart of the collegiate universe in which I was raised by reading this book, it has brought only one "thought" to the forefront, and that's gratitude that I escaped the curse of intellectualism that was placed on me. Because I can STOP thinking once I've reached the answer.... I believe that there IS an underlying answer. With God, whose mysteries are infinite and who I can "study" and ponder and meditate on all day long, I'm taken outside myself into the infinite world that holds deeper a meaning that ANY I can glean from my own personal thought processes. That's why I love conversation.... that's why I can't keep away from forums. I love to hear about the larger world and think, and put it into context with the tangible reality of what I KNOW is true. It's the minute I step outside of that into trying to personalize the meaning of the universe and human thought based on what I know and what I experience that it takes me deep into a danger zone...
Art is interesting, relevant, and important. But to place meaning in something that, ultimately, does nothing for humanity but ExPRESS a thought, and to hold it as an idol... that I am so glad to be free from. I am so glad that I can pray with total freedom: Lord, give me YOUR eyes for this situation and YOUR thoughts. Help me to have the mind of Christ for this.
It's soooooo liberating sometimes NOT to think.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Some child training advice I picked up today
Hey ladies!! I have FINALLY gotten a hold of Rich and I'm sooo grateful that I did. He had a plethora of wonderful information and solid biblical counsel that I'm sure you can use (I totally can!)
If you don't know their family, they are my heroes: He is an officer in the army and she is a stay at home mom to NINE incredible, wonderfully behaved girls between 1 year and 19 years old. :)
Basically, he had a series of questions he asked about each case (and rest assured, I described the situation but nothing else :P)
Here is a summary of his thoughts. I'm going to blog this also because it's SO relevant for almost any Child Training issue... not just toddlers who bite!
1. What is the state of the MARRIAGE in the biting toddler's home?
Is the couple unified? Loving? Do they put each other first? Do they have challenges in the marriage or things that go unsaid and need to be addressed? The Enemy, first of all, wants to attack the marriage. He gets a double bonus by winning the children when he attacks the couple. In cases like extreme, angry biting, always check first to see what needs to be rectified in the marriage that the child can perceive.
He said he had recently heard Micheal Fletcher's teaching on Eros (Romantic Love) in the Bible and that it had served to remind him of the importance of maintaining first a watchful eye on the marriage~ that often there is misplaced love/affection from a spouse to the children that should be re-directed to the spouse, not the children. Children can sense a lack of unity within the parents' couple and WILL exploit it.
2. How consistent are the parents REALLY?
Are the parents agreed on the punishment and manner of punishment for the problem? Is the problem being dealt with in the same exact way EVERY time? Is the problem ever going uncorrected?
Sometimes it may take a week, a month, even a year! But persevere, parents, because it's that consistent response that will make a difference. This is the obvious answer, but it helps to be constantly reminded of it (consistently even) for US as well!
3. Is there a possibility of inherited ancestral sin?
In the case of angry biting, does the father or mother, or perhaps one of the grandparents, suffer from an unaddressed anger problem from which they have not been delivered? the child is under the covering and protection of the parents both physically and spiritually--- which means that where there is undealt with sin in the parent or parent's lineage, the child will also be affected. For more on this, ask me about getting a hold of some deliverance counseling.... it's complex but worth looking at if you've never done so. It could be life changing.
4. What are some of the appropriate responses to this particular problem?
He recommends trying other things first before "biting back, " and even said spanking may not be the solution here.
If the biting happens over a toy, then make it clear to the child/ren that WHEN there is a fight over a toy, the toy will be removed. Then remove it, every time. Ask the child to repeat the punishment and the crime to you verbally to ensure understanding.
The Bible says in proverbs that we should not ExASPErATE our children. We do so by creating environments where there is a surprise punishment. This is why Christians don't just wack a kid with their hand the very instant they do something wrong. There is a PROCESS to our corporal punishment, which I'll spare you because I've said it a million times. In the same way, sit and talk to your child to ensure they understand the parent is trying to do something to HELP them understand... if all else fails, take the child through the PROCESS of a spanking (establish the rule -- no biting. Once the rule is broken, have the child explain why they are being punished and what the punishment is. Then administer the punishment. Then pray in a positive manner over the child and comfort them and forgive them completely.)
If this does not take effect, the next step may be to take then through the EXACT same process, only with BITING BACK as the corporal punishment. You need to take her through it to show her that it isn't an anger response out of you at all. Sit down with her and say: "Now, (name) I want you to experience/ feel what it does to (name) when you bite him/her."
You should only ever have to do it once.
His finishing thought really warmed my heart and spoke to me profoundly. He asked me how my motherhood experience was going and I shared some things. He said to me:
"see, I think one of the things we need to know, " he said, " is that we are just soooo selfish. Isn't it amazing how when you're married, the minute you are married, you begin to lose some of that selfishness. You lose it again when you have children. And it's God's plan for us to marry and have children, because it teaches us so much how to lose ourselves in Him."
And like I said in my blog... all I could say was "amen!"
Hope that helps, girls :)
If you don't know their family, they are my heroes: He is an officer in the army and she is a stay at home mom to NINE incredible, wonderfully behaved girls between 1 year and 19 years old. :)
Basically, he had a series of questions he asked about each case (and rest assured, I described the situation but nothing else :P)
Here is a summary of his thoughts. I'm going to blog this also because it's SO relevant for almost any Child Training issue... not just toddlers who bite!
1. What is the state of the MARRIAGE in the biting toddler's home?
Is the couple unified? Loving? Do they put each other first? Do they have challenges in the marriage or things that go unsaid and need to be addressed? The Enemy, first of all, wants to attack the marriage. He gets a double bonus by winning the children when he attacks the couple. In cases like extreme, angry biting, always check first to see what needs to be rectified in the marriage that the child can perceive.
He said he had recently heard Micheal Fletcher's teaching on Eros (Romantic Love) in the Bible and that it had served to remind him of the importance of maintaining first a watchful eye on the marriage~ that often there is misplaced love/affection from a spouse to the children that should be re-directed to the spouse, not the children. Children can sense a lack of unity within the parents' couple and WILL exploit it.
2. How consistent are the parents REALLY?
Are the parents agreed on the punishment and manner of punishment for the problem? Is the problem being dealt with in the same exact way EVERY time? Is the problem ever going uncorrected?
Sometimes it may take a week, a month, even a year! But persevere, parents, because it's that consistent response that will make a difference. This is the obvious answer, but it helps to be constantly reminded of it (consistently even) for US as well!
3. Is there a possibility of inherited ancestral sin?
In the case of angry biting, does the father or mother, or perhaps one of the grandparents, suffer from an unaddressed anger problem from which they have not been delivered? the child is under the covering and protection of the parents both physically and spiritually--- which means that where there is undealt with sin in the parent or parent's lineage, the child will also be affected. For more on this, ask me about getting a hold of some deliverance counseling.... it's complex but worth looking at if you've never done so. It could be life changing.
4. What are some of the appropriate responses to this particular problem?
He recommends trying other things first before "biting back, " and even said spanking may not be the solution here.
If the biting happens over a toy, then make it clear to the child/ren that WHEN there is a fight over a toy, the toy will be removed. Then remove it, every time. Ask the child to repeat the punishment and the crime to you verbally to ensure understanding.
The Bible says in proverbs that we should not ExASPErATE our children. We do so by creating environments where there is a surprise punishment. This is why Christians don't just wack a kid with their hand the very instant they do something wrong. There is a PROCESS to our corporal punishment, which I'll spare you because I've said it a million times. In the same way, sit and talk to your child to ensure they understand the parent is trying to do something to HELP them understand... if all else fails, take the child through the PROCESS of a spanking (establish the rule -- no biting. Once the rule is broken, have the child explain why they are being punished and what the punishment is. Then administer the punishment. Then pray in a positive manner over the child and comfort them and forgive them completely.)
If this does not take effect, the next step may be to take then through the EXACT same process, only with BITING BACK as the corporal punishment. You need to take her through it to show her that it isn't an anger response out of you at all. Sit down with her and say: "Now, (name) I want you to experience/ feel what it does to (name) when you bite him/her."
You should only ever have to do it once.
His finishing thought really warmed my heart and spoke to me profoundly. He asked me how my motherhood experience was going and I shared some things. He said to me:
"see, I think one of the things we need to know, " he said, " is that we are just soooo selfish. Isn't it amazing how when you're married, the minute you are married, you begin to lose some of that selfishness. You lose it again when you have children. And it's God's plan for us to marry and have children, because it teaches us so much how to lose ourselves in Him."
And like I said in my blog... all I could say was "amen!"
Hope that helps, girls :)
Updates from the little nazi jewish recruit :P
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Thanks so much for the prayer support! Little Annika is sleeping right now, which is awesome, and after I'm done writing this blog I'm going to take some much needed rest too. This is what she's been doing pretty much every day.... and if you know anything about toddlers you know that's bad. The doctor today said that basically, either we'll end up at the ER tonight or we wont.... she didn't want to give her any meds pre-emptively because the epinephrine and steroids are so hard on her little body (my brother says they use Epinephrine in NBC in the Army! Woah.) she did say her lungs are clearing up a bit. One thing I did want to say was that the advice everyone gave about the steam is dead on. Kids with croup need to be steamed up (like, run the hot shower and hold baby in the bathroom with all doors and windows closed) or in the cold air (but bundle baby up)-- the reason we were so worried is that her croup doesn't respond to ANY of that... and those are the only known treatments. I guess it was crazy severe and we feel blessed that she's ok right now!! So thanks for the emails and prayers, and if I didn't get back to you.... I took ALL of your advice :)
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Wayne and I took some time today to take a pic so you can see the belly. Ishod is getting bigger every day and we can't wait to meet him. He has dropped since yesterday (probably a result of all the strain) which means I can't really make it across a room in less than two minutes. I'm a big waddling mess. But he is super active and seems to be doing really well. He's also freakishly strong, like his daddy.
I know I keep blathering on like an idiot about this Ravelry thread, but it is always on my mind. In the morning, when I check my mail I have letters from women who either strongly disagree and want to talk about it, or (the ones that really touch my heart) are from Christian women who felt convicted when reading and want to know/hear more about being a submissive wife. It's been amazing.
Because the poopstorm has reached an all-time high in there (they are actually discussing whether I intentionally used Nazi recruiter techniques (OH, sweet irony!) in my posts to dismantle the conversation and turn it towards biblical living for the female gender!) I've decided to write a series of blogs which hopefully describe what I feel impressed to convey without stepping on any more toes. It's wierd to say that... I've never been afraid of stepping on toes before... but I really like Ravelry and as much as I hate to say that I'm allowing that to impede my right to free speech, I don't want to lose the priveledge to talk knitting with these amazing women because I just don't know what kinds of mods their forum has. (My experiences in the MADB board have left me sour!)
So, todays' installment. I'm going to address three things:
1. The idea of submission, it's relevance, and what it REALLY means.
2. The role of the wife in a biblical marriage.
3. Modern day lies women believe.
Consider this kind of an overview, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit these again in the near future and much more in depth (as it is, I can barely see the screen I'm so sleepy!)
today? The idea of submission.
Ephesians 6 describes the husband / wife relationship, and tells us (commands us) to be submitted to our husbands. Lots of women today simply refuse to believe it. They rationalize taking entire passages of scripture out of the Bible for millions of reasons, the most prevalent being that they don't want to listen to Paul (who, as they say, was "just a man.") I'll skip the -- obvious-- fact that Jesus Himself was FULLY man, and I'll just say that if you want to pick and choose passages from the Bible, that's on you.
When I first heard the word "submissive," in church, I looked around with lowered eyes. To my limited understanding, submissive was something you did in the bedroom, not in public. :P I can still remember trying to explain to my friend Colleen on our way to breakfast why I loved this one guy so much and how crazy he made me. She practically screeched the car to a halt to look me in the eyes and shouted it like it was a dirty word : "oh my gosh! you're submissive!"
At the time, that was something I hadn't really examined, but somehow it dawned on me that it might mean more than I just liked to be on the bottom. :)
Years later, in church, I heard a pastor's wife preach on being a submitted wife. It literally blew me away. What in the heck does that MEAN? I thought.
When I started to look at the passages in the Bible she was dealing with, I was literally floored. I read each one, incredulous that modern women could read this and agree. After all, here it said that I should be quiet. Modest. Discreet. Covered. and Submitted to the authority of a man.... things I had always perceived as barbaric and frankly... opposite to my character. I' was the loudest, most immodest, non-discreet, wide open and rebellious person in every room.
But I stemmed from the idea that there WAS a God, that His Word WAS true, and that I was (ironically) submitted to His authority in my life. If I wanted to be more like Him, I had to listen to Him and try to understand Him, and shape my life around what HE thought and not necessarily me. So I prayed on it, and I spent time in the Word, and little by little He showed me what He meant.
See, we have to start at the beginning... with our basic understanding of sin. Before you can be a wife who is submitted to a husband, you have to be a human who is submitted to God. When I realized what my sin really was and how it worked... (and, more importantly, that as a Christian, I no longer HAD to sin. It may happen, but I would have chosen it, as opposed to it being a part of my nature before I was a Christian.) that's when I saw what it really meant to let God be Lord in my life, or an authority. HE had the right to say yes or no to me. To guide me, and to protect me how He saw fit. And He had a system of checks and balances set up, of which my husband was a major part.
At the time, I wasn't married. But one I wrapped my head around the concept of authority (and believe me, it took years!) He released me to marry. During that time he dealth with me most about my rebellion. One of the ways He did this, as you know, is through teaching me about head covering. When I was covered, I was under a physical protection that mimicked the spiritual protection over my head. It helped me to visualize it and to maintain submission to it. And that led me to the Army.
There, I met and married my husband, having spoken to him a handful of times and having known him a total of five weeks. And full of excitement, I set out to be the stepford wife. Wayne always looks back with major fondness on those days. I admit, because I didn't know him yet, it was my natural reaction to puff him up.
I spoke proudly of him, I did everything he asked and a million things he didn't. I spiced up the bedroom every way I could. I kept an immaculate house and made delicious meals (hey, I didn't have kids :P) and most of all, I always told him that I was sure he knew best and told him that I trusted him completely. We were soooo in loooooove. :P
then we got to know each other, and let's just say we found out that we didn't like each other as much as we originally thought. A gnarly year ensued, which was peppered with various joys like the experience of pregnancy and all that. By the end of that year, I had discovered the book Created to Be His Helpmeet (and recently, The Excellent Wife) and they changed my life--- all of a sudden it was like a lightbulb went off in my head that would stop all the fighting and misery... I needed to get over myself!
see, this is a lesson every Christian should learn FIRST and foremost, upon recieving salvation. Unfortunately, it's often the one we learn last. God calls us to service, not to lounge around. And when that happens, He is going to use us, not pet us.
It wasn't until I figured out just how selfish I really was that I went and prayed "OK, Lord. REALLY make a submitted wife."
I'm no where near being perfect, but I can tell you this: I achieved perfect freedom on that day. It was the first day I realized that no matter WHAT my husband did, said, or thought, I was deeply and profoundly protected in God's system, and what's more--- He was doing things with me that I never thought possible. He was changing me and making me better! And that blew me away.
Ironically, as I finish this blog I've been on the phone with a dear brother who was counseling me on something totally off topic. He happened to mention to me something that I had never really reflected on, but that is just so fitting here:
"see, I think one of the things we need to know," he said," is that we are just soooo selfish. Isn't it amazing how when you're married, the minute you are married, you begin to lose some of that selfishness. You lose it again when you have children. And it's God's plan for us to marry and have children, because it teaches us so much how to lose ourselves in Him."
All I could say was "amen!"
Monday, October 15, 2007
Haha!
I read today in my little WIC pregnancy handout that this month I'm supposed to get between 10 and 11 hours of sleep per night.
I found that pretty amusing.
I found that pretty amusing.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
The deadly C
Man, the fun never stops around here , folks.
It's almost 3 pm. Wayne and I are waking up from a nap since I didn't sleep last night-- at all. I went to bed at 11 (which is already super late for me) and Annika awoke at 12 and didn't go back down. Turns out she has a really bad strain of croup. We had to take her to the ER this morning because she wasn't breathing, was wheezing and the steam and cold air were doing nothing for her.
At the ER, it was pretty traumatic for her. They had to give her an oral dose of steroids, which she promptly threw up when she stressed out from the respirator device they had to put her on. It was TERRIBLE having to wrestle her into submission (my daughter is freakishly strong-- it's a family thing :)) so we could mist her with this oxygen mask filled with epinephrine to allow her to breathe. Then they gave her another big dose of steroids to open her throat by shot in the butt.
The whole night was really stressful and scary for me. There is nothing worse than knowing your baby is hurting and scared and that you can do nothing. To make it worse, a few times during the night she literally could not catch her breath at all. Her breathing was so labored I was certain it was just going to stop... but it always started up again. Usually, by about 6 pm I'm completely exhausted and unable to move, which is why I relish sleep so much lately-- it's like in the morning I feel like a new person again and I'm ready to face the day.
Not last night~ and I had to spend the whole night carrying her around, soothing her, and helping her every way I could, which usually meant sitting in a super uncomfortable position. I even peed on myself at one point because I couldn't put her down since she wasn't breathing, but I was unable to control the pressure from both babies on my bladder and stomach. Yay!
Anyways, here's the interesting part. I've been following the vax vs. don't vax debate very closely since having her. I didn't end up vaxing her because I listened to people who said it was unnecessary and what not. I thought, since I stay at home and we're homeschooling, vaxing isn't important. Turns out that could have killed her last night! The vaccines for measles, Haemophilus influenzae (Hib), and diphtheria protect children against some of the more dangerous forms of croup... including the kind Annika has right now. If she had been vaxed, this cold probably never would have turned into a croup, and if it did, it would have been mildly uncomfortable at worst. The viral strain she caught is this bad because I decided not to vax her. That makes me feel like the worst mother on the planet, for one thing, and for another.... is so mind numbingly stupid only I could have done it.
Anyways, I really wanted to share that because it could happen to any baby who isn't vaxed but goes outside and catches something as simple as parainfluenza, just the flu.
When we got home~ ta da! We had a flat tire AGAIN! What a week this is turning out to be.
Please continue to pray for us.
It's almost 3 pm. Wayne and I are waking up from a nap since I didn't sleep last night-- at all. I went to bed at 11 (which is already super late for me) and Annika awoke at 12 and didn't go back down. Turns out she has a really bad strain of croup. We had to take her to the ER this morning because she wasn't breathing, was wheezing and the steam and cold air were doing nothing for her.
At the ER, it was pretty traumatic for her. They had to give her an oral dose of steroids, which she promptly threw up when she stressed out from the respirator device they had to put her on. It was TERRIBLE having to wrestle her into submission (my daughter is freakishly strong-- it's a family thing :)) so we could mist her with this oxygen mask filled with epinephrine to allow her to breathe. Then they gave her another big dose of steroids to open her throat by shot in the butt.
The whole night was really stressful and scary for me. There is nothing worse than knowing your baby is hurting and scared and that you can do nothing. To make it worse, a few times during the night she literally could not catch her breath at all. Her breathing was so labored I was certain it was just going to stop... but it always started up again. Usually, by about 6 pm I'm completely exhausted and unable to move, which is why I relish sleep so much lately-- it's like in the morning I feel like a new person again and I'm ready to face the day.
Not last night~ and I had to spend the whole night carrying her around, soothing her, and helping her every way I could, which usually meant sitting in a super uncomfortable position. I even peed on myself at one point because I couldn't put her down since she wasn't breathing, but I was unable to control the pressure from both babies on my bladder and stomach. Yay!
Anyways, here's the interesting part. I've been following the vax vs. don't vax debate very closely since having her. I didn't end up vaxing her because I listened to people who said it was unnecessary and what not. I thought, since I stay at home and we're homeschooling, vaxing isn't important. Turns out that could have killed her last night! The vaccines for measles, Haemophilus influenzae (Hib), and diphtheria protect children against some of the more dangerous forms of croup... including the kind Annika has right now. If she had been vaxed, this cold probably never would have turned into a croup, and if it did, it would have been mildly uncomfortable at worst. The viral strain she caught is this bad because I decided not to vax her. That makes me feel like the worst mother on the planet, for one thing, and for another.... is so mind numbingly stupid only I could have done it.
Anyways, I really wanted to share that because it could happen to any baby who isn't vaxed but goes outside and catches something as simple as parainfluenza, just the flu.
When we got home~ ta da! We had a flat tire AGAIN! What a week this is turning out to be.
Please continue to pray for us.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
He's changing me!
Wow! If you prayed for me, thank you so much! I feel so much better today :)
Many of you may have heard of Jane Brocket's book the Gentle Art of Domesticity. A recent interview about it on BBC's A woman's hour is creating quite a poopstorm on her blog, yarnstorm, which I read frequently, and on the BBC forums where, to be brief, women who are perhaps more than a little put off by her ability to be domestic when they are not have attacked her and attempted to smear her for taking women "a step back," so to speak.
As you guys know, I'm fascinated by this subject and I'm rabidly interested in speaking my mind about it, so when I noticed a thread on my new favorite site-- Ravelry (sorry, I can't link, I'm a beta tester and you're not~ and if you are, you rule! :P) about the social acceptability of the use of the term "pinny porn" in ref to her stuff, or "yarn porn" in ref to pics of beautiful yarn, I simply couldn't control the urge to put in my two cents.... which rapidly turned into two million cents as person after person questioned what I was saying.
We started off discussing the terms "pinny porn" and "yarn porn." I brought up the fact that I tried to keep my life as separate from porn as possible (to include lusting or coveting over objects) and thus that the term was not one I'd use. I mentioned that calling things which are not "porn" cheapens and makes common pornography which I don't think should be made common. The word should connotate something shameful and uncommon, not something we do every day.
This offended people greatly, and I got a few responses about why women liked porn. Then somehow the conversation got turned to gender issues IN pornography and IN domesticity. Ie. whether porn was male driven and whether domesticity was only a female thing. I explained my views on the male and female purpose as per the Bible, described how I believed the household should be run, and explained what I thought about porn being male driven. (none of which is new to blog readers here, I pretty much rant about it once a month.)
Anyways, the MINUTE you use the word "Submitted" in reference to a woman or "Leader" in reference to a man people completely flip... that's to be expected because as we know from the Bible, it's a super worldly reaction. Pretty soon the poopstorm is revolving around my idea that a wife should be a helpmeet, which people think is some kind of disease, and that I didn't believe men should be encouraged to knit these days.
Not to go too deep into the knitting thing, but long story short, I made a case for knitting being culturally (regardless of it's history) a predominantly female thing. Nowadays, for a guy to fellowship in a knitting guild he's surrounded by women, which does nothing for his manhood. This encourages in him female qualities which, to be blunt, men frequently have too much of these days. I truly believe men have forgotten how to be men. (This is nothing new, I've been saying this for years. I realized a while ago that that's not the case everywhere, sometimes you have to move out of California to find a guy who knows what manhood is. I keed, but still. )
Now, if a guy went to an all male knitting group, I'd be less reluctant to say it might hurt his manhood. But as it is now, let's be honest, most guys who knit are sensitive, cry at chick flicks, and kinda make me want to puke. I can think of a few exceptions to this rule (Greg if you're reading, you're one of the manliest men I know, knitting needles in hand or not :P) and that's why Wayne says: it's ok for guys to knit. It's not ok for SOME guys to knit.
Anyways, this led to a psychotic three pages of nasty comments about how sad it was that I wanted to be a doormat or wanted men to be all powerful.
Some girls said that I was still embodying feminism because I had CHOSEN to be a housewife. Others said I was the enemy of feminism. One guy who not only knit but cried often was particularly upset that I was causing him to question his manhood. One woman with a husband who did tons of "domestic" work around the house BECAUSE she had three children tried to make a case for why she wanted her man to be those things. Actually, quite a few women did... they wanted men who were, for all intents and purposes, like them.
THEN it got into the deeper reason of why I believed these things. I cited biblical examples and said that I had needed to adjust the way I thought about things when I decided to make Jesus Lord of my life... that once I determined that I believed the Bible, I had to change my mind (or rather, let God change my mind) about the way I viewed things like women's roles, or gender issues, or how to be a wife, or mother.
This blew the conversation into a gigantic mess of people misquoting the bible and telling me that if I was going to follow the whole bible, then why did I wear clothes made of two types of fiber, or not stone people. These questions kill me because they always come from people who have no idea how to examine the scriptures in context of what Jesus did for them.... and to be honest, you just can't explain that contextually to someone who doesn't understand what that sacrifice truly meant.
Anyways, it became a debate about the value of living biblically, which I was totally not expecting but was delighted to participate in. It was like my first days in the Myspace R&P all over again, with everyone being completely shocked and freaking out at everything I typed.
What blew me away was this: people started sending me PMs. And lots of them. And they were so amazing! Mostly, they were from people who disagreed with what I was saying but wanted to "pat me on the back" for keeping my cool and being patient and kind and loving with everyone who was "Attacking" me and my ideas. This was a HUGE shock to me... I realized that God has really been answering my prayer for mercy because instead of just creating a dividing line, which I still believe is something we are supposed to do, I was able to make people feel heard and individually cared for instead of stepped on. Praise Jesus! It was such a nice change from getting hate mail for stating biblical opinions. :)
On top of that, I had three emails which really warmed my heart, from Christian women who hadn't taken their relationship with Christ to the point where they could surrender their sense of self, their views on gender, or their idea of right and wrong to Him. These really blessed me because they added me as friends and thanked me for bringing this stuff up in a way that spoke to them!! I am so grateful for those emails, because after all, that is what this is all about~ helping people to experience God's best for them, and part of that means we have to learn to die to ourselves, as painful as it is.
I think I'm growing! wow.
Many of you may have heard of Jane Brocket's book the Gentle Art of Domesticity. A recent interview about it on BBC's A woman's hour is creating quite a poopstorm on her blog, yarnstorm, which I read frequently, and on the BBC forums where, to be brief, women who are perhaps more than a little put off by her ability to be domestic when they are not have attacked her and attempted to smear her for taking women "a step back," so to speak.
As you guys know, I'm fascinated by this subject and I'm rabidly interested in speaking my mind about it, so when I noticed a thread on my new favorite site-- Ravelry (sorry, I can't link, I'm a beta tester and you're not~ and if you are, you rule! :P) about the social acceptability of the use of the term "pinny porn" in ref to her stuff, or "yarn porn" in ref to pics of beautiful yarn, I simply couldn't control the urge to put in my two cents.... which rapidly turned into two million cents as person after person questioned what I was saying.
We started off discussing the terms "pinny porn" and "yarn porn." I brought up the fact that I tried to keep my life as separate from porn as possible (to include lusting or coveting over objects) and thus that the term was not one I'd use. I mentioned that calling things which are not "porn" cheapens and makes common pornography which I don't think should be made common. The word should connotate something shameful and uncommon, not something we do every day.
This offended people greatly, and I got a few responses about why women liked porn. Then somehow the conversation got turned to gender issues IN pornography and IN domesticity. Ie. whether porn was male driven and whether domesticity was only a female thing. I explained my views on the male and female purpose as per the Bible, described how I believed the household should be run, and explained what I thought about porn being male driven. (none of which is new to blog readers here, I pretty much rant about it once a month.)
Anyways, the MINUTE you use the word "Submitted" in reference to a woman or "Leader" in reference to a man people completely flip... that's to be expected because as we know from the Bible, it's a super worldly reaction. Pretty soon the poopstorm is revolving around my idea that a wife should be a helpmeet, which people think is some kind of disease, and that I didn't believe men should be encouraged to knit these days.
Not to go too deep into the knitting thing, but long story short, I made a case for knitting being culturally (regardless of it's history) a predominantly female thing. Nowadays, for a guy to fellowship in a knitting guild he's surrounded by women, which does nothing for his manhood. This encourages in him female qualities which, to be blunt, men frequently have too much of these days. I truly believe men have forgotten how to be men. (This is nothing new, I've been saying this for years. I realized a while ago that that's not the case everywhere, sometimes you have to move out of California to find a guy who knows what manhood is. I keed, but still. )
Now, if a guy went to an all male knitting group, I'd be less reluctant to say it might hurt his manhood. But as it is now, let's be honest, most guys who knit are sensitive, cry at chick flicks, and kinda make me want to puke. I can think of a few exceptions to this rule (Greg if you're reading, you're one of the manliest men I know, knitting needles in hand or not :P) and that's why Wayne says: it's ok for guys to knit. It's not ok for SOME guys to knit.
Anyways, this led to a psychotic three pages of nasty comments about how sad it was that I wanted to be a doormat or wanted men to be all powerful.
Some girls said that I was still embodying feminism because I had CHOSEN to be a housewife. Others said I was the enemy of feminism. One guy who not only knit but cried often was particularly upset that I was causing him to question his manhood. One woman with a husband who did tons of "domestic" work around the house BECAUSE she had three children tried to make a case for why she wanted her man to be those things. Actually, quite a few women did... they wanted men who were, for all intents and purposes, like them.
THEN it got into the deeper reason of why I believed these things. I cited biblical examples and said that I had needed to adjust the way I thought about things when I decided to make Jesus Lord of my life... that once I determined that I believed the Bible, I had to change my mind (or rather, let God change my mind) about the way I viewed things like women's roles, or gender issues, or how to be a wife, or mother.
This blew the conversation into a gigantic mess of people misquoting the bible and telling me that if I was going to follow the whole bible, then why did I wear clothes made of two types of fiber, or not stone people. These questions kill me because they always come from people who have no idea how to examine the scriptures in context of what Jesus did for them.... and to be honest, you just can't explain that contextually to someone who doesn't understand what that sacrifice truly meant.
Anyways, it became a debate about the value of living biblically, which I was totally not expecting but was delighted to participate in. It was like my first days in the Myspace R&P all over again, with everyone being completely shocked and freaking out at everything I typed.
What blew me away was this: people started sending me PMs. And lots of them. And they were so amazing! Mostly, they were from people who disagreed with what I was saying but wanted to "pat me on the back" for keeping my cool and being patient and kind and loving with everyone who was "Attacking" me and my ideas. This was a HUGE shock to me... I realized that God has really been answering my prayer for mercy because instead of just creating a dividing line, which I still believe is something we are supposed to do, I was able to make people feel heard and individually cared for instead of stepped on. Praise Jesus! It was such a nice change from getting hate mail for stating biblical opinions. :)
On top of that, I had three emails which really warmed my heart, from Christian women who hadn't taken their relationship with Christ to the point where they could surrender their sense of self, their views on gender, or their idea of right and wrong to Him. These really blessed me because they added me as friends and thanked me for bringing this stuff up in a way that spoke to them!! I am so grateful for those emails, because after all, that is what this is all about~ helping people to experience God's best for them, and part of that means we have to learn to die to ourselves, as painful as it is.
I think I'm growing! wow.
Friday, October 12, 2007
The deadly D
The deadly D
When I was in Army Basic training, we did this thing every night where we all lined up with full canteens, heard the end of the day announcements, and force-hydrated ourselves by finishing an entire canteen of water ASAP, proving it was empty by holding it over our heads. We called it "hydration formation."
Once I was out, I still did this every night, as a habit, because it honestly made me feel better, sleep better, etc.
Last night I had a 103 fever. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong. I had had a scratchy throat the day previous and taken some zinc tablets, but that's about it. No symptoms, signs, or anything to let me know what this fever was all about. Along with it I had a smashing, horrible migraine and the worst chills... I was totally freezing.
Anyways, I had a doctor's appt this morning at 8. I didn't want to go because I felt so awful but I thought it wise to do it anyways. I was supposed to get the glucose test today, so I had to fast before the appointment from food AND drink. Which I did.
Anyways, I got there today, did my urine sample, and yeah, turns out I was super dehydrated! I had to go get an IV and everything.
I thought back on the last day's worth of hydrating and realized I had drank about 5 small glasses of water.
So yeah, be aware: dehydration really happens-- and when you least expect it!!
Anyways, that's why 'm not around right now. I'm too sleepy and feel awful. I'll be back when I'm back on my feet. :) (it may be tomorrow if I can get enough fluids.)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Harumph
Harumph
I was going to blog about the state of feminism in relation to the "domestic arts."
Instead, Wayne (he wants me to say "we") thought it would be romantic to fill out e-harmony questionnaires and see how compatible we are.
turns out seven women want his bod. Garg.
And one of them was ON THE PROWL (diana in South Carolina, babe, you can't have him.)
Anyways, the thing was so long and boring I don't think I can do one now. And so much for my interesting blog.
Now I'm off to shine my engagement ring.
Peace out.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Park.
Park.
It's my lunch break (yay!) and as my stew heats up I'm quickly checking emails and getting some things done.
I didn't go to work today. It's been on my heart all week that I was being pretty unfaithful by working every day.
I mean, I really enjoyed getting up, going to work, having important things to do that didn't involve changing diapers or that kind of stuff. I enjoyed dropping Annika off because it made me feel rested and in control of my own day and productivity. It gave me time with my husband and quiet time with the Lord.
But, like I said, I felt sooo convicted about working outside the home that it just wasn't worth it to me. Annika's behavior went STRAIGHT down the drain from the first day we left her in the daycare because she had no one there tell her right and wrong in a way she would retain it. We would get her back and then spend the entire evening disciplining her for one thing or another. She had previously been so well behaved that it was a shocking change
.
As for me? I really enjoy working, but a lot of that is just for me. My job right now is to parent these kids, and that's really my first priority. No matter how much I liked the quiet time away from the daily ruckus of toddlerhood, it just isn't worth it to me to let Annika regress to being just like "everyone else's kids."
I'm not saying she's any different, but I do want to know that I did everything in my power to make homemaking my first priority-- to train up good, well behaved, obedient, joyful children, and to keep a beautiful, clean home in which the king of this castle can rest and be rejuvenated from his daily tasks while he and his queen enjoy their time together. None of that was happening very well with me working every day. I get up at 5 am to do devotions and I don't finish my chores and things until 9 pm when I work, which leaves me with exactly one hour to be relaxing at the end of the day before it all starts again.
Instead, I have arranged to go in ONLY on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which makes really full days those two days (everything from accounting to mentoring at risk kids happens then) but time for me and Annika on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday to rest and to be diligent around the house, working on the things that really matter.
I hope this will go well, particularly because this season's cell groups are starting and I can't wait. I'm going to do the new mommies group again this cycle, and also a Women of Vision type one with Christy in which we are going to start off by studying "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," (FINALLY!) by Barbara Hughes.
Britt Merrick gave me that book when I first got saved and it's been an integral part of my walk since that day, but I never really studied it, just kinda "noticed" it.
Wayne is doing his Sunday 6 am men in ministry cell with Pastor Fletcher and I think he's going to be co-leading an --get this--- XBOX cell with David. :P Men.
Christy just came over this morning for a few hours with her boys and we took the kids to the park. It was SOOOOO nice to have someone to do this with, and I really enjoyed myself, even though it is always a little crazy when the kids get together because our conversations have to be peppered with interjections of "no!" "stop" and "come here!"
Spending ten minutes with her is always uplifting to me because she is so open and willing to talk about everything. Her love for God and her family always inspires me.
That's all for now. I'm off to knit like a maniac and rest on the couch til the bean awakens again. We've had a productive morning, let's see if we can keep this going til evening! hehe.
The war against the impending darkness continues.
The war against the impending darkness continues
I'm doing dishes tonight and BOOM! A gigantic spider just erupts into the house from under the backdoor, literally as if it was thrown in here. I freeze, my heart stops, and I wonder what to do. We stare at each other. Time stands still. I'm barefoot, I realize, and he has WAY more hiding places available to him than I do. I go for the best option: my husband.Wayne comes strolling in casually and says : "it's just a wolf spider."
Just. It's JUST a palmetto bug. It's JUST a cockroach. It's JUST a man-eating cephylopod.
Garg.
"Watch your husband work," he gloats, as he pulls out his best weapon. My mop! I scoff. Then I run for the dining room and watch from atop a chair.
He rails down on it with the end of the mop as if he's going to hit it, and then we both watch in dismay as the spider heads for the stove. Oh no! I think, he's going to miss it. I almost tell him to get out of the way, but he, looking resolved, grabs a spray bottle filled with some ORange Cleaner and, making loud laughing noises, sprays the crap out of the underside of the stove where the spider has now neatly escaped to. Wayne turns the mop around and uses it to mop up the cleaner, which is puddled all over the kitchen floor. I seriously consider smashing him with a mop, and then sigh, resigned.
They're out to get us, you see. First the roaches. Now wolf spiders. Wayne says the good thing is that wolf spiders aren't poisonous. "You'll just get a headache," he says, as if I should be reassured that when that hairy, disgusting, gigantic jumping monster is crawling on me in my sleep and sinking it's fangs into my leg, I won't die.
He stops my rant about the bug attack and tells me: Wolf spiders eat roaches.
"no way," I say. "Roaches have no natural enemies. I read that on google."
"Barbie, " he sighs. "I work under houses all day, and I can tell you that all I saw down there were huge roaches caught in spider webs.
Hmm. That sounds good to me... except... oh yeah. Roaches, as filthy and revolting and hellsent as they are, don't bite. The worse thing they can do is crawl on you really fast. Spiders, on the other hand, are fast, disgusting, and painful. Some can actually kill you. "I'll take a roach over a spider." I groan, settling into the rocking chair, keeping a suspicious eye on the floor by the stove, and imagining in what horrible scenario this spawn of Satan will next appear in my life.
Will I be reaching into Annika's toybox? Will I be gathering up a load of laundry from the floor? Will I be sitting at the desk, doing my morning devotional, when suddenly.. there it is in all his furry atrociousness?
I'll be surprised if I sleep a wink tonight, and God knows I need it.
Determined not to allow fear to overcome THIS daughter of the King, I set my jaw, put some (closed toe) shoes on, and headed for the kitchen to take out the trash.
I stepped outside gingerly, wondering how many more of his friends were around. I realized then that a box of oreos had somehow not made it into the trash, and leaned over to pick it up. Right then, a HUGE cockroach jumped directly into my face! I screamed bloody murder. All the neighbors on their porches looked at me like I was from mars, and I ran back inside, shaking out my hair and shivering. I'm telling you, they are out to get me. Once inside, I ran to my man to relate the story, and he laughed.
"You didn't know they can fly?" He asked.
When will it end, God?? When will the battle with southern vermin cease? Oh that's right, when I'm in heaven. Sheesh.
I read today that most UFOs are actually swarms of cockroaches. It also appears that I was right about them surviving nuclear warfare-- they can stand radiation up to 15 times better than humans. They do have two natural enemies: wasps and centipedes. I can't decide which of those I would rather have in my home.
I also discovered there 's a name for what I am: verminophobe. Ha. Alright, I'm off to the cockroach behavior forum
Gargling. I don't know, I can't think of a title
Gargling. I don’t know, I just can’t think of a title.
So, God is laying the new mommies on my heart lately because it seems everyone is having new babies and asking for advice and I know God has given me a gift of teaching, particularly to this group of women: young moms, young wives. He's given me a heart for helping with heavenly families.
I've also been thinking alot lately about getting together with a girlfriend and going door to door. This is wierd, I know, and I'm not sure if it's from God yet. But basically I see so many Morms and JDubs going door to door each week, and I see them going in for their bible studies to the housewives in my neighborhood, and I think... well, most people would pray. But I have a teaching gift! So naturally I want to use it... and then I'm like, why wouldn't a Christian go door to door too? Someone out there will want a bible study, and will welcome it. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but that's what God did to me to get me to pay attention to the Bible, so why not someone else?
Also, I've come to this realization after a lengthy discussion with Wayne over breakfast about the AP parenting board and the so-called "gentle Christian moms" site.
Wayne said it, and I was like -- OMG! (he's so wise :P)
these women were converted, but they were never discipled! That's why they have no foundation, and that's why while loving the Lord, they still remain lord over their own lives. it's so obvious.... but I had never seen it that way. It's why I have such a heart for discipleship, because when I got saved I didn't know HOW to be a Christian, and I didn't know how to HEAR from God-- I could be them so easily, but for the grace of God.
I'm so grateful that He surrounded me with passionate, strong, annointed leaders! My whole Christian walk has been one amazement after another. I've had to shift my way of thinking so many times I can't even begin to describe how broken I had to get.
I'm STILL there. And every time I think I have it right, pshhhhh.
Today TWO old friends called me, who I hadn't spoken to in a long time. BOTH of them just happened to mention that they were calling because they wanted to be better wives and they felt like I may be able to help them. Actually, technically, three people called and said this, only one is not really a Christian looking for mentoring.
The point is, I was totally knocked on my butt- I've been a TERRIBLE wife lately. My home is in disarray, my daughter is acting up because I've been working, my nagging is getting out of hand, my frustrations have been building up. I've really been mean, cold, and unsubmissive in many, many ways. So why would God use me when I'm in this state? I think exactly for that reason-- it causes me to look with lazer sharp eyes at my own life to see where I am not being an example, and to deal with it immediately because these women will be scrutinizing every aspect of my own wifehood.
Anyways, God is moving, but I'm just standing still-- waiting to hear from Him about a million things, and totally floored about most of the things He is speaking to me about these days.
Life is nuts.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
More on cloth diapers and victory
More on cloth diapers and Victory
I've been experimenting with cloth diapers more and more. A dear friend sent me a box of different types of cloth diapers to try... so sweet! I admit, when I first opened the box I was at a loss for what to do, but I'm getting the hang of it pretty quickly!
Right now annika is wearing a little Bumgenius one size, which I really like.
My other favorites right now are the "Mommy's touch" all in one one sizers. Cloth diapering is actually really fun! They are snuggly and soft and they clean up great. They look ADORABLE, which I love, and they really are easy to use. I like cloth diapering better than g-diapers now because the g's clog up my old toilet :(
Here are the calculations they have available for cloth diapering vs. disposable diapering:
Disposable Diapers
Average 7 per day @ $0.35 each = $2.45 per day
$2.45 X 365 days = $894.25 per year!
Over three years that's a total of $2,682.65. That does not even count the cost of disposable wipes or pull-ups!
Mommy's Touch One Size Pocket Diapers
$16.95 Each + Insert $5.00 = Total cost of Diaper $21.95
12 diapers, washing once per day: $263.40, or
24 diapers, washing two times per week: $526.80 total cost of diapering a baby.
That's pretty impressive, especially considering that it's also a MAJOR help to the environment and to the child, because disposables contain toxins that are super gross.
Anyways... I think I'm going to stick to cloth diapering from now on, especially with the washing machine in the house. They are pretty expensive, but I am just going to ask for people to get me some when the baby comes instead of other gifts, and thanks to my friend I already have quite a few in the large sizes. With the all in ones.. I may not need that many!
In other news, Gloria and Kenneth Copeland
from the Believer's Voice of Victory broadcast on TBN, etc. are in town, and my MIL and I are going to their conference at 2 pm today.
Let me say first of all that I think this whole "prosperity gospel" word of faith junk is absolutely preposterous... I mean, just really, really absurd. But I'm fascinated by this TBN world and very interested to go and to pray for people and see what it's all about and like in person and in the Spirit. So... I'm really looking forward to it. I'll blog all about the experience when I get back.
Wayne's cert class is finally here! He's there right now (yay!) and I had my first OBGYN appt yesterday--- thank GOD. And guess what? My doctor is CHristian!! Yay.
Raising those hands high... amazing.
Raising those hands high.... amazing
Just a quick note to update on my experience at the "World Explosion Conference."
When I first got saved, I had a really hard time making friends with Christians because -- to be perfectly honest-- they were just too judgemental. I didn't KNOW what was expected of me as a believer because I had never been one, I had never been around other ones, and I had no idea what the Word of God said about many, many things. Most things.
So I resorted to watching TBN a lot to get some extra "feedings" in.
There were four shows I really liked to watch: Paula White, Joyce Meyers, Marilyn Hickey, and Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. Later on, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned the bogus factor of the Word Of Faith movement and cast aside the "Prosperity Gospel" B.S. that inherently came with many of the TBN broadcasts.
But tonight, I had the opportunity to attend a day long conference with KCM, Kenneth Copeland Ministries. I was super excited to see what would happen and just what my impressions were, and to pray for people at the event.
It was held in a huge coliseum, which was awesome, because it reminded me of Jehova's Witnesses when they have their big conventions. Everyone dressed in their "Sunday best," sporting huge floppy bibles and neatly organized briefcases full of Bible literature and new pens, flowing in and out of the arena to the soft sounds of soulful worship music.
We got seated and then it began. The whole thing was incredibly well organized, with TV, sound, and ushers everywhere prepared to deal with whatever natural or spiritual events might occur.
Worship began, and in true North Cakolaki style, they brought out a choir of super hard worshippin' black folks, some in suits that look like Jim Carrey's in the movie "The Mask," and some in long, african style robes. The music was so encouraging that Annika was swaying and lifting her hands with the best of 'em.. .hehe. We sang old hymns and gospel songs, mostly ones I was familiar with.
When the first chorus of "Praise Him... Praise Him and lift him up!" got accentuated with a hearty clap from all the people present, even I started to appreciate that these people around me genuinely LOVED to worship God.
After a couple more songs, they brought out a Pastor who was supposed to introduce the speakers and take up a love offering for the speakers. Now, keep in mind that I have no beef with taking up an offering for a speaker. Most of the time they provide their own transportation and hotel to the event, and I think it's right to help them out.
What got my feathers ruffled was that this particular guy compared giving an offering TO A SPEAKER to giving your money to doing God's work in such a way that He even equated it with tithing. He actually brought up the whole "million dollar seed" thing and then encouraged everybody to give to the Kingdom of God and build it up. He quoted from 1 Cor 9 about reaping sparingly when you sow sparingly... the whole bit. Then he made a big whoopla about the buckets getting past around, in one of those rolling baptist preacher voices.... "Fill em UP-AH! Fill em UP-AH! Let the GLORY of God come into your life-AH!"
I'm not trying to be judgemental, but it was all I could do to keep from giggling as people eagerly jumped to the big donation buckets, expecting to go home and find Ferraris in their driveways.
See, this type of stuff reminds of 95 percent of the churches around here... Wayne and I stay up late at night giggling about what we would do if we were called to one. There's either a hardcore baptist church which hammers hellfire and freaks if you tap your feet when you hear a beat. (You know, "Come on down to Calvary Hill baptist church, just on your left after the K-and-Double-yew. Turn, BEFORE you burn!")
Then there are the Word of Holiness Faith Tabernacle Burning Bush of Shekinnah Glory Churches... you know the ones. They call each other "sister so and so" and "brother so and so." They talk about million dollar seeds-AH. Their pastors are called "Bishop" Cleary and they inaugurate the pastor's wife "First Lady" Cleary. (what IS that?) They get so worked up during the sermon they are sweating and fanning themselves and the little old ladies in the huge hats in the front jump up every minute shouting:" AMEN!" and "Preach it!" In the back, people are speaking in tongues and running back and forth.
Now, I'm not saying God isn't in these churches, and if that sounds like your church, please don't misunderstand me... it's just culturally a little hard for people like me to swallow, because it's a VERY southern thing. From a visitor's perspective, or from the perspective of one who goes to a church that doesn't preach that we deserve to be rich as God's children or that we deserve to be healthy as God's children, it seems a little much.
The rest of the event was just the Copelands speaking. I was really excited to see Gloria because I noticed that there were about twelve women in the crowd with short blonde haircuts who were wearing pastel colored suits with perfectly done nails. I never knew she had such a following!! It was hilarious to watch.
As a teacher, she definitely has an annointing. It didn't take her but four minutes (yes, I 'm a geek and I counted) to get on a roll, and when she did, it was really good.
I didn't hear her saying anything expressly unbiblical, but the depth of the subjects she was touching on was TOTALLY outweighed by the emphasis on finances and how to recieve wealth, which really isn't a godly topic.
Don't get me wrong, I believe people can and do prosper by the Word of God. I believe God wants SOME people to be rich, but not everyone. I don't think there's anything WRONG with wealth at all--- Christianity NEEDS rich Christians, otherwise we can't advance the Kingdom effectively, and God knows that. But I do believe that there is more to the Godly life than just health, wealth, and healing. You know?
The good points she brought out were REALLY good. She preached on the absence of fear from a Christian's life, which is one of my favorite topics, and she taught on the human fear of death in a way that really demonstrated how, as Saved Children of the Most High God, is totally absurd. There is nothing we need fear, death the least of anything. I agree with that completely. She talked about the days being evil ,and gave some pretty compelling examples from the Word on how to deal with that fact.
When we got to the end and she was preaching on deliverance from fear, she said a couple things that really got my attention--
She told everyone that if they were on meds, get off. I love the way she said it: "If you are taking drugs, learn to use the power in your life to get off them TODAY. Well, I shouldn't be saying this. But that's what I would do."
I laughed so much because that's how I approach the subject... I don't know that you have the faith to get off your meds, but if you do, get them as far away from you as you can.
She said that she thought ADHD was a joke. "YOU were hyperactive when you were a kid," she said. "Nowadays they drug children for being hyperactive. Back in the day, we gave them a good wallup." I couldn't help but jump up and cheer for that one :P
One of my favorite things was that she referred to people in the world, that is... the lost, as "TRYING as hard as they can to get to hell."
I've never looked at it like that, but she did give some pretty compelling evidence to show that people today aren't just going there, they are trying as hard as they can to get there faster. I thought back to the number of times people in the R&P made threads about the big party they thought they were destined for. She was totally right about that---most people think hell sounds better than heaven these days.
Made me rethink a lot of the ways I go about evangelizing!!
On the way back into the conference we literally ran smack into this guy who was leading another man inside. The man he was leading was blind.. he had a cane and his eyes were completely clouded over.
At the end of the conference, Gloria began to pray for the healing of various things in the room. She obviously has a healing gift as well, because healings were happening to the left and to the right of me. What REALLY blew me away, though, because I'll admit that I frequently experience skepticism as miraculous events, was this:
at one point, almost as an afterthought, she began to speak to the blindness of someone in the audience and pray deliverance for him from blindness. I had retained where the man was sitting and reached my hand out to him to pray with her because he was heavy on my heart.
When I looked up, the man was jumping around and yelling---- his EYES WERE COMPLETELY HEALED. I could see them, clear as day, and the cloudiness was completely gone!!!! I've seen a great many miracles in my day, but I was definitely encouraged by this one more than most.
I pondered the event and prayed, asking God if it was HIS presence or the presence of demonic signs and wonders, and He asked me if His name was being glorified by this. Yes, I answered, eyes turned towards the huge sign on the wall that read: "Jesus is LORD!"
I left the conference with a renewed sense of awe at how much I still have to learn about the way God works, and how often we try to put Him in a box. It's easy to say that the word of faith folks simply "aren't" Christians... just as much as it's easy to say that if you believe X, or Y doctrine (like the Pearls , who believe in instant sanctification at salvation-- that they NO LONGER SIN) that you are dead wrong. And you are. But that doesn't change the fact that in all our imperfections, we are being changed from glory to glory as we see all the ways in which God moves. If we stay focused on Him, and quit trying to make each other look like US, I see the Kingdom coming far faster than ever before.
When I first got saved, I had a really hard time making friends with Christians because -- to be perfectly honest-- they were just too judgemental. I didn't KNOW what was expected of me as a believer because I had never been one, I had never been around other ones, and I had no idea what the Word of God said about many, many things. Most things.
So I resorted to watching TBN a lot to get some extra "feedings" in.
There were four shows I really liked to watch: Paula White, Joyce Meyers, Marilyn Hickey, and Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. Later on, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned the bogus factor of the Word Of Faith movement and cast aside the "Prosperity Gospel" B.S. that inherently came with many of the TBN broadcasts.
But tonight, I had the opportunity to attend a day long conference with KCM, Kenneth Copeland Ministries. I was super excited to see what would happen and just what my impressions were, and to pray for people at the event.
It was held in a huge coliseum, which was awesome, because it reminded me of Jehova's Witnesses when they have their big conventions. Everyone dressed in their "Sunday best," sporting huge floppy bibles and neatly organized briefcases full of Bible literature and new pens, flowing in and out of the arena to the soft sounds of soulful worship music.
We got seated and then it began. The whole thing was incredibly well organized, with TV, sound, and ushers everywhere prepared to deal with whatever natural or spiritual events might occur.
Worship began, and in true North Cakolaki style, they brought out a choir of super hard worshippin' black folks, some in suits that look like Jim Carrey's in the movie "The Mask," and some in long, african style robes. The music was so encouraging that Annika was swaying and lifting her hands with the best of 'em.. .hehe. We sang old hymns and gospel songs, mostly ones I was familiar with.
When the first chorus of "Praise Him... Praise Him and lift him up!" got accentuated with a hearty clap from all the people present, even I started to appreciate that these people around me genuinely LOVED to worship God.
After a couple more songs, they brought out a Pastor who was supposed to introduce the speakers and take up a love offering for the speakers. Now, keep in mind that I have no beef with taking up an offering for a speaker. Most of the time they provide their own transportation and hotel to the event, and I think it's right to help them out.
What got my feathers ruffled was that this particular guy compared giving an offering TO A SPEAKER to giving your money to doing God's work in such a way that He even equated it with tithing. He actually brought up the whole "million dollar seed" thing and then encouraged everybody to give to the Kingdom of God and build it up. He quoted from 1 Cor 9 about reaping sparingly when you sow sparingly... the whole bit. Then he made a big whoopla about the buckets getting past around, in one of those rolling baptist preacher voices.... "Fill em UP-AH! Fill em UP-AH! Let the GLORY of God come into your life-AH!"
I'm not trying to be judgemental, but it was all I could do to keep from giggling as people eagerly jumped to the big donation buckets, expecting to go home and find Ferraris in their driveways.
See, this type of stuff reminds of 95 percent of the churches around here... Wayne and I stay up late at night giggling about what we would do if we were called to one. There's either a hardcore baptist church which hammers hellfire and freaks if you tap your feet when you hear a beat. (You know, "Come on down to Calvary Hill baptist church, just on your left after the K-and-Double-yew. Turn, BEFORE you burn!")
Then there are the Word of Holiness Faith Tabernacle Burning Bush of Shekinnah Glory Churches... you know the ones. They call each other "sister so and so" and "brother so and so." They talk about million dollar seeds-AH. Their pastors are called "Bishop" Cleary and they inaugurate the pastor's wife "First Lady" Cleary. (what IS that?) They get so worked up during the sermon they are sweating and fanning themselves and the little old ladies in the huge hats in the front jump up every minute shouting:" AMEN!" and "Preach it!" In the back, people are speaking in tongues and running back and forth.
Now, I'm not saying God isn't in these churches, and if that sounds like your church, please don't misunderstand me... it's just culturally a little hard for people like me to swallow, because it's a VERY southern thing. From a visitor's perspective, or from the perspective of one who goes to a church that doesn't preach that we deserve to be rich as God's children or that we deserve to be healthy as God's children, it seems a little much.
The rest of the event was just the Copelands speaking. I was really excited to see Gloria because I noticed that there were about twelve women in the crowd with short blonde haircuts who were wearing pastel colored suits with perfectly done nails. I never knew she had such a following!! It was hilarious to watch.
As a teacher, she definitely has an annointing. It didn't take her but four minutes (yes, I 'm a geek and I counted) to get on a roll, and when she did, it was really good.
I didn't hear her saying anything expressly unbiblical, but the depth of the subjects she was touching on was TOTALLY outweighed by the emphasis on finances and how to recieve wealth, which really isn't a godly topic.
Don't get me wrong, I believe people can and do prosper by the Word of God. I believe God wants SOME people to be rich, but not everyone. I don't think there's anything WRONG with wealth at all--- Christianity NEEDS rich Christians, otherwise we can't advance the Kingdom effectively, and God knows that. But I do believe that there is more to the Godly life than just health, wealth, and healing. You know?
The good points she brought out were REALLY good. She preached on the absence of fear from a Christian's life, which is one of my favorite topics, and she taught on the human fear of death in a way that really demonstrated how, as Saved Children of the Most High God, is totally absurd. There is nothing we need fear, death the least of anything. I agree with that completely. She talked about the days being evil ,and gave some pretty compelling examples from the Word on how to deal with that fact.
When we got to the end and she was preaching on deliverance from fear, she said a couple things that really got my attention--
She told everyone that if they were on meds, get off. I love the way she said it: "If you are taking drugs, learn to use the power in your life to get off them TODAY. Well, I shouldn't be saying this. But that's what I would do."
I laughed so much because that's how I approach the subject... I don't know that you have the faith to get off your meds, but if you do, get them as far away from you as you can.
She said that she thought ADHD was a joke. "YOU were hyperactive when you were a kid," she said. "Nowadays they drug children for being hyperactive. Back in the day, we gave them a good wallup." I couldn't help but jump up and cheer for that one :P
One of my favorite things was that she referred to people in the world, that is... the lost, as "TRYING as hard as they can to get to hell."
I've never looked at it like that, but she did give some pretty compelling evidence to show that people today aren't just going there, they are trying as hard as they can to get there faster. I thought back to the number of times people in the R&P made threads about the big party they thought they were destined for. She was totally right about that---most people think hell sounds better than heaven these days.
Made me rethink a lot of the ways I go about evangelizing!!
On the way back into the conference we literally ran smack into this guy who was leading another man inside. The man he was leading was blind.. he had a cane and his eyes were completely clouded over.
At the end of the conference, Gloria began to pray for the healing of various things in the room. She obviously has a healing gift as well, because healings were happening to the left and to the right of me. What REALLY blew me away, though, because I'll admit that I frequently experience skepticism as miraculous events, was this:
at one point, almost as an afterthought, she began to speak to the blindness of someone in the audience and pray deliverance for him from blindness. I had retained where the man was sitting and reached my hand out to him to pray with her because he was heavy on my heart.
When I looked up, the man was jumping around and yelling---- his EYES WERE COMPLETELY HEALED. I could see them, clear as day, and the cloudiness was completely gone!!!! I've seen a great many miracles in my day, but I was definitely encouraged by this one more than most.
I pondered the event and prayed, asking God if it was HIS presence or the presence of demonic signs and wonders, and He asked me if His name was being glorified by this. Yes, I answered, eyes turned towards the huge sign on the wall that read: "Jesus is LORD!"
I left the conference with a renewed sense of awe at how much I still have to learn about the way God works, and how often we try to put Him in a box. It's easy to say that the word of faith folks simply "aren't" Christians... just as much as it's easy to say that if you believe X, or Y doctrine (like the Pearls , who believe in instant sanctification at salvation-- that they NO LONGER SIN) that you are dead wrong. And you are. But that doesn't change the fact that in all our imperfections, we are being changed from glory to glory as we see all the ways in which God moves. If we stay focused on Him, and quit trying to make each other look like US, I see the Kingdom coming far faster than ever before.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
"Gentle" Christian parenting... ugh.
Gentle "Christian" Parenting.... ugh.
I came across this website in a conversation in the AP group I can't tear myself out of.
www.gentlechristianparenting.com
I'm nauseous just typing the URL.
Here's my review of it from a forum on spanking:
that kind of website, to be honest, makes my skin crawl. I spent ten minutes peeking at the various "resources" which are articles based on people's opinions of parenting styles that "gentle" discipliners don't believe in.
As a Christian, it is my life's work to share biblical messages that will change people's lives and help them live for Christ in a way that truly glorifies Him and shows that they understand the point of all of this we call "life."
I spend my whole life teaching and learning on topics such as biblical child training, biblical wifehood, and biblical womanhood. I'm passionate about it!
Aside from their skewed theology, which is the ONLY thing people should be worried about when reading a book by the Pearls, their family advice is dead on. I know countless families who live by the Love of God, the Rod, principles of forgiveness and God-centered family lives, who have upwards of eight kids apiece who are -- quite simply-- a joy to be around, whether 3 or 18. These kids are respectful, disciplined, honest, hard working, and pleasant. They are interesting, joyful, and.. most of all, they love Jesus. I can only hope my kids will grow to be these same types of children. That's the example and goal I have set for my kids, and what I expect to come of my training them. The children I know who are "gently" disciplined are neither disciplined at all, nor are they bearable. I don't want my kids to end up like them, so I don't practice "gentle" discipline. Or rather, I am always gentle with my kids, but I will still correct them with corporal punishment because I believe the Bible.
I have heard time and again so-called "Christian" people making excuses for not using the rod, including making up Hebrew roots and inventing stories about the "real" traditional use of the rod. As I said before, it's a choice people have the right to make. But I will neither concede nor compromise on this issue because out of my experience and my heart I believe that the truth is that the use of the Rod is biblical, good, and life changing for my children.
I don't expect my own opinions to count, I mold my life around what I see that God has to say about a matter, and make changes accordingly. That's why I'm so passionate about these issues, because I had to change alot of what I believed about being a wife and mother, and that has made the most positive change in my own life as a wife and mother.
As I said in the other thread, I know children who REMIND their parents to bring the rod when they go on vacation. When you ask them about it, they say that they hope it won't get used, but they know it is the best thing to teach them right from wrong. Praise the Lord that these children have wisdom at such a young age!!
That website also attacks the principles in Created to Be His Helpmeet... another biblical concept people hate to believe because it hurts our prideful hearts. I would buy the entire world a copy of that book if I could.... there are MILLIONS of marriages that could be saved as a result of laying down their rights and allowing God to be Lord over EVERY part of their lives, including their marriage.
In the chapter by chapter deconstruction of To Train up a Child, here, the author begins by saying: "God doesn't conquer our wills, he gave us free will to do what we choose."
She says this in response to the Pearl's advice to conquer the will of your child.
If you are a saved, born again Christian, you KNOW that your will is your worst enemy. You want that bad boy conquered immediately. You pray for it, you ask Him to make you more like Him and less like you, on your knees, tears running down your cheeks. You are BROKEN by His greatness.
WHY in the name of all things holy would you not want to teach your kids to conquer their will????? It's the FIRST thing I would want to teach my kids.
My soul is my enemy.... until it is sanctified. Any student of the Bible knows this.
So the pretense of this website being "Christian" just because it says it is by name has just been made void in my eyes. These people do not believe that God is God, and have not laid down their lives. The entire article goes on to describe an endless list of things I find appalling. Of course a newborn is self-centered. That is the very nature of a baby. Why is that offensive? Of course we want our children to be under our authority and in subjection and obedience to us. Why is that offensive? One hundred years ago, these things were never questioned... nowadays, we overanalyze every little word we use. It's absurd.
I get soooo steamed when I see websites like this which basically just tear down all the biblical foundations that God has laid, and consequently destroy families, and the lives of children. It really hurts to see that, and I will be praying fervently that the Enemy's stronghold over modern parenting "styles" will be broken by the power of God.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Song of Hope
Song of Hope
All things bright and beautiful you are
All things wise and wonderful you are
In my darkest night you brighten up the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
All things new, I can start again
Creator God, calling me your friend
Sing praise my soul to the maker of the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing
(I will) sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
--Song of Hope, Robbie Seay Band
I'm continually amazed at the depth with which my God can love me.... the personal way He reaches me and lets me know He is there.
Yesterday was kind of a weird day at church. It was the last in a four part series on the four types of love-- Storge (familial), Philia (friend), Eros (Romantic), and finally Agape.
Modern psychology tells us there are three natural loves, but the Bible speaks of four-- and any Christian who has spent more than a day in church is familiar with Agape love and aware of it, so I was expecting to be... placated. Maybe a little bored.
Instead, I got a heavy dose of brokenness and a renewed vision of what my salvation means and how good my God really is. Unlike the four previous sermons, which were excellent, wise, and practical, this one knocked me flat on my butt as He described what Agape love is, what it really means when we hear "God is love," and how to grasp what that means for us and for Him.
I was particularly moved when it came time to examine the truth of the situation. None of us, by ANYTHING, can add one thing to God, who is perfect and complete. It's easy to think that He made us because He needed some part of Him fulfilled or completed. It's easy to think He needed the companionship. But the fact is-- He doesn't. He is Lord, God of all, and He experiences perfect companionship within Himself because He is complete... Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He was not lonely or bored--- He was LOVE.
And the kind of love He was and is and will be is the kind that, by human standards, makes no sense. It's the kind that needs no return. It's the kind that loves your enemies-- those who hurt you. I thought back on all the times I snapped at Wayne because he hurt my feelings, or stopped talking to someone because they wronged me in some major way. God would have loved them anyways! I thought of all the times, even in the previous week, when someone frustrated me and I breathed a sigh of relief that I could just write them off.
In this train of thought, it really brought home to me the fact that we DESERVE nothing but hell. That when Jesus returns and we are on our knees, we will VOLUNTEER for hell when we face His holiness-- as He is. That over and over again in the Bible those who caught a glimpse of His glory were forever changed by it.
It reminded me that when we lift Him up in worship, we are not doing ANYTHING to Him-- we are doing it because it puts US in right mind TOWARDS the God of the universe who created heaven and earth, who breathed us to life and whose eyes go to and fro across the earth. It absolutely floored me to face the reality of the choice I made when I said YES to God: The love that I needed to give was not NATURAL, which is why an "enemy" was so hard to "love."
And when we love them, we are allowing God, who lives in us, to work. Amazing! How has this profound truth not affected me more until now?? It makes me think what a shallow Christian life I was living until yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't know until yesterday that I was supposed to love my enemies, or that I was supposed to be kind to those who frustrate the hell out of me.... it's that I finally understood WHY.
Recently, a friend called and asked me to explain to her just what in the heck was the matter with me, recommending the book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" to people.
Any wife who has read it has been challenged to the core by the things therein--- the biblical challenge to love, serve, respect and honor your husband NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. (yes, occasionally you may have to put him in jail, or move out, but you must still honor, serve, and respect and love him.)
Everyone who reads it has a strong reaction: either they tear it to shreds or they frame it and put it on the wall because it changed their lives forever. I'm in the second crowd, but most wives I'm around just can't comprehend it. I like to think that's because they don't have husbands like mine :P When I apply the biblical principles of loving wifedom and servanthood to my marriage, it WORKS... like never before. My marriage becomes glorious.
BUT, there are days where, frought with frustration, I end the evening crying out to God that there MUST be something more. Though I know the principles and how they work, there are many times where, in my fleshly nature, I just don't want to do them. I want to snap back, to throw dishes, to put my foot down. I want to yell and nag and shame him. I wonder WHY on earth God does this to me, when He knows that it is hard-- and that's what I realized yesterday!!!
I never have an answer for people when they ask me WHY God set things up this way. It's the only thing I'm at a loss for-- but now I do. Because God's AGAPE determines His nature, and we are being molded into the image of God, then I must learn to ALLOW Him to respond with a fresh infusion of agape into every situation, starting with my marriage. It's not ME who must respond in love, it's God IN me. If I am grateful for my salvation, then I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to an unfairness in AGAPE.
I'm a fan of the saying: "It's a choice to be offended," but I never realized WHY until yesterday.
From now on, Lord, let me CHOOSE to respond in love... the same love you gave me that snatched me out of hell and into your loving arms. No matter what the wrong, no matter what the cost.... let me always allow you to shine through me.
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