My Father in law (protestant) ripped into me about not believing in the Rapture for a half hour before naptime today, because a special about the Apocalypse (written by secular historians and scholars) was on. He came at me sideways about it because for him it was an important salvific issue- - if, as I believe, Christians are ON the earth during the period of tribulation, then how is that fair? He thinks that being saved (certainty of heaven) means that he does not deserve to suffer the tribulation, since Jesus died for his sins. I can't imagine that I WOULDN'T deserve the tribulation, so on that we disagree. He told me that he has been seriously studying it for more than twenty years, and was thus convinced of the certainty of his position. And he didn't like that I said "well, there are a lot of opinions about what will happen, but ultimately, we will have to wait and see." No, to him, it was obvious from the scriptures. Nevermind that theologians have debated the question for ever.
Annoyed at being cornered as an "unbiblical" Christian yet again by a protestant who had no spiritual authority to stand on in his argument of correct interpretation, I went to pray about it and read my bible. I was simultaneously praying for my husband and his brother, Scotty, who he wrote the previous letter to/about.
Lo and behold the Lord spoke through the Book of Romans.
Romans 14:13-18
3 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.
14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who serves Christ in these things[a]is acceptable to God and approved by men.
and alongside this admonition:
Romans 16:17-20
17 Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. 18 For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus[a] Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple. 19 For your obedience has become known to all. Therefore I am glad on your behalf; but I want you to be wise in what is good, and simple concerning evil. 20 And the God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
In other words, we are called to "leave each other alone" with regards to the Faith-- ie, not to harp and hammer on every point of contention in belief with another, but rather to ensure that we ourselves are FULLY CONVINCED IN OUR OWN MINDS on each issue. Simultaneously, we are to avoid interacting too fully with those persons who have no respect for spiritual authority and/or True doctrine.
Simple, really. In a world of spiritual warfare, this is the most important line in that whole passage:
"I want you to be wise in what is good, and simple concerning evil."
Let us exercise charity towards one another, and work towards the betterment of our own souls in silence. Now THAT sounds right to me, in particular if it is true that nothing which is hidden will not be revealed. One day, people will learn the error of their ways and their eyes will be opened. Why not try to make that moment less painful for ourselves?
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
On Christian Unity--- and the Catholic/protestant "thing."
I posted a little note my hubs wrote on his frustration with protestants recently and it occurred to me that a lot of my protestant friends might read it and feel offended or frustrated by his language-- after all, my husband 's strongest points are not always diplomacy and sensitivity :P
That being said, I totally enjoyed his article and thought it was hysterical-- having been in that same position SO MANY TIMES-- the position of having to "explain myself" to a well-meaning but totally off-track Christian in order to secure my own salvation in their eyes. We can and should always have a sense of humor about it, because if we don't laugh, we will cry.
Particularly in the case for Christian unity, when people see Catholics as being so "hard-headed" and unwilling to budge an inch, while the Catholic position is actually far more all-encompassing.
As a whole, the protestant position seems to be: "You must be saved, thus you must do things exactly as I do them or you will miss my boat and heaven will be closed to you." (and remember-- been there! Guilty as charged!)
The Catholic position, on the other hand, is: "Come over here, we have perfect hope that we will see the Salvation of the Lord and that we're doing it right, but if you don't get in our boat, we hope to see you there anyways. You aren't going to get there without Jesus, so we hope you meet Him along the way."
But it got me thinking that I need to do some clarifying about my own position and in my own words so that people don't misunderstand me (or him!) because good communication is always important. Then I got to Mass today and apparently, this is the week we are supposed to be praying for Church unity with protestants and orthodox (irony!) That meant it was definitely time to do some heavy blogging. :)
The Catechism of the Catholic Church has this to say about protestants:
817
In fact, "in this one and only Church of God from its very beginnings there arose certain rifts, which the Apostle strongly censures as damnable. But in subsequent centuries much more serious dissensions appeared and large communities became separated from full communion with the Catholic Church—for which, often enough, men of both sides were to blame."269 The ruptures that wound the unity of Christ's Body—here we must distinguish heresy, apostasy, and schism270—do not occur without human sin:
Where there are sins, there are also divisions, schisms, heresies, and disputes. Where there is virtue, however, there also are harmony and unity, from which arise the one heart and one soul of all believers.271
818
"However, one cannot charge with the sin of the separation those who at present are born into these communities [that resulted from such separation] and in them are brought up in the faith of Christ, and the Catholic Church accepts them with respect and affection as brothers . . . . All who have been justified by faith in Baptism are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers in the Lord by the children of the Catholic Church."272
819
"Furthermore, many elements of sanctification and of truth"273 are found outside the visible confines of the Catholic Church: "the written Word of God; the life of grace; faith, hope, and charity, with the other interior gifts of the Holy Spirit, as well as visible elements."274 Christ's Spirit uses these Churches and ecclesial communities as means of salvation, whose power derives from the fullness of grace and truth that Christ has entrusted to the Catholic Church. All these blessings come from Christ and lead to him,275 and are in themselves calls to "Catholic unity."276
Toward unity
820
"Christ bestowed unity on his Church from the beginning. This unity, we believe, subsists in the Catholic Church as something she can never lose, and we hope that it will continue to increase until the end of time."277 Christ always gives his Church the gift of unity, but the Church must always pray and work to maintain, reinforce, and perfect the unity that Christ wills for her. This is why Jesus himself prayed at the hour of his Passion, and does not cease praying to his Father, for the unity of his disciples: "That they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be one in us, . . . so that the world may know that you have sent me."278 The desire to recover the unity of all Christians is a gift of Christ and a call of the Holy Spirit.279
821
Certain things are required in order to respond adequately to this call:
* a permanent renewal of the Church in greater fidelity to her vocation; such renewal is the driving-force of the movement toward unity;280
* conversion of heart as the faithful "try to live holier lives according to the Gospel";281 for it is the unfaithfulness of the members to Christ's gift which causes divisions;
* prayer in common, because "change of heart and holiness of life, along with public and private prayer for the unity of Christians, should be regarded as the soul of the whole ecumenical movement, and merits the name ‘spiritual ecumenism;'"282
* fraternal knowledge of each other;283
* ecumenical formation of the faithful and especially of priests;284
* dialogue among theologians and meetings among Christians of the different churches and communities;285
* collaboration among Christians in various areas of service to mankind.286 "Human service" is the idiomatic phrase.
822
Concern for achieving unity "involves the whole Church, faithful and clergy alike."287 But we must realize "that this holy objective—the reconciliation of all Christians in the unity of the one and only Church of Christ—transcends human powers and gifts." That is why we place all our hope "in the prayer of Christ for the Church, in the love of the Father for us, and in the power of the Holy Spirit."288
However, lest we all start singing Kumbaya, it also reminds us of who and what Luther and Calvin really were: heretics.
406 The Church's teaching on the transmission of original sin was articulated more precisely in the fifth century, especially under the impulse of St. Augustine's reflections against Pelagianism, and in the sixteenth century, in opposition to the Protestant Reformation. Pelagius held that man could, by the natural power of free will and without the necessary help of God's grace, lead a morally good life; he thus reduced the influence of Adam's fault to bad example. The first Protestant reformers, on the contrary, taught that original sin has radically perverted man and destroyed his freedom; they identified the sin inherited by each man with the tendency to evil (concupiscentia), which would be insurmountable. The Church pronounced on the meaning of the data of Revelation on original sin especially at the second Council of Orange (529)296 and at the Council of Trent (1546)
It is important to remember these two things. As Catholics, we know that we love and serve the SAME LORD Jesus Christ as Protestants. We also know that we will need to work towards unity of belief with these protestants without compromising our own faith. And we know that we must accept that these protestants are lacking in one thing and one thing only: sacramental grace. For example, though the protestant churches do not have the Eucharist, nor any of the graces that come with that, they have been given a special grace for worship, that enables them to be filled with the Holy Spirit in a very special way.
Where there is a lack, God can MORE than make up for what is needed by providing a different type of grace, and thus we find that many, MANY protestants, though they don't have the sacraments, are powerful examples of what a Christian, quite simply, IS.
For starters, I don't regret my time as a protestant. I am not sorry for it and I DO think that God called me TO it and out of the Catholic Church for a moment so that I would be able to appreciate all the better what I had in front of me when I returned. I definitely believe that God has guided this journey. Second, I have no ill-will towards protestants today. Nor do I "hate" any protestant churches-- I have nothing but goodwill and wishes for success -- if we share the definition of success, which in my view is "to accomplish God's will."---towards my previous churches and to any of the Churches in Christ around the globe. I may roll my eyes a bit or poke fun at some of them for the sheer predictability of what they are up to these days, but I do the same for Catholic Parishes, so don't feel like I'm being "hard on you" if you are a protestant reader.
So here's the deal.
One of the major things I DO regret-- and that I have had to repent of-- is the absolute arrogance that grew from my ability to read, internalize, know and teach the Word of God. Because I was my own personal interpreter of "God's Bible Truth" for years and years, I grew to feel entitled to tell others what was and wasn't God's Truth based on that interpretation. I was my own authority, even though I believed I was submitted to my pastor's authority, and in doing so I rejected ACTUAL spiritual authority-- the authority which, in the biblical and apostolic manner, was handed down from Christ Himself to his disciples and their own disciples not only spiritually but by the literal laying on of hands.
Instead I picked and chose a Church which I felt taught what I had decided was "Bible Truth" based on what other people told me it was (and eventually, after studying theology and apologetics, based on what I thought it was) and then expected other people to build and teach doctrine and theology based on what I felt the Bible said.
Now, there is some method to that madness. You will find, as I did, that MOST issues really ARE completely obvious to a person who regularly dives into the Word and that Bible-reading protestants AND Catholics across the board really DO agree on almost everything. And if they don't, it's usually because they haven't looked at their bibles correctly, which means, in light of the correct lens. Because we ALL wear lenses when we look at scripture-- some of us see it through our own experience, or another's. Others of us see it through the eyes of the Magesterium. Regardless of HOW we look at it, some-- even many-- issues are undeniable in light of Scripture. (abortion, or homosexual marriage, I'm looking your direction...) Protestants acknowledge that lens when they say things like "that's legalism," or "that's out of context."
That being said, since the fundamental goal of every person who knows Christ is to share Him with others who need to know Him in order to get into heaven, then we have a conundrum. Because how do we share Him? What do we say about Him? And, as the famous Charles Colson said: "How now shall we live?"
It might surprise you that Catholics and Protestants will tell you the same thing: you must build a personal relationship with Him through prayer and time in the Word. Catholics add another step: you must be part of His Church, because to be a member of the Church is to accept His salvation. Why do we say this? Because within the confines of membership in the Catholic Church are all of those things which are necessary for salvation:
we believe. we are baptized. we proclaim and meditate on the Word of God. We receive Communion. We confess our sins. We repent. We turn from our ways and do penance. We annoint our sick with oil. We die in His good graces.
To be a member of the Catholic Church is to be guaranteed salvation IF (and this is a big IF) we take our membership seriously. If we live our Catholic faith. Not only that, but Christ established a Church, which gives all the more reason to be a part of it.
Protestantism is structureless-- as evidenced by the two trillion different denominations who somehow "all believe the same thing." There are different branches which at their conception were created specifically to do things more or less differently than the Church they departed from. It is an organic movement of people's yearnings mingled with the Holy Spirit's call, and it is amazing to me to see the differences as they evolve. In my last six or so years as a protestant I was more or less a Catholic with protestant skin on: I was a part of the Family Integrated Church movement, the new apostolic reformation, and other groups which essentially BELIEVED virtually everything a Catholic believes with regards to what the scripture says, all the while staying firmly grounded in my reformation stance. But when I look at it objectively-- most of the "95 theses" Luther posted on the door were eventually integrated into the Catholic Church.
I DO believe that the Church was in need of renewal at that time, and in that sense, Luther was a much needed instrument. Renewal, yes, but not Reformation. I don't believe, from reading his writings, that Luther intended to remove himself from the Catholic Church. I think that he was to be used as a much needed instrument of renewal and that Satan was able to subvert his main purpose and that it got away from him too fast for him to really HEAR God's voice in all of it. He is not, then, a hero of the faith but a failure of the faith, for me... an example of how easy we can fall when we fail to discern God's voice from the devil's and from our own flesh.
That being said, the children of the reformation cannot be held responsible for their fathers' actions. Somewhere along the line these children began to seek Jesus for themselves and to build a Church that resembled his own. Since the Catholic Church was "off limits" to them, so to speak, as a source of Truth, they turned elsewhere.
Let me be clear: I do NOT believe that Catholicism is a denomination of Christianity. It is THE denomination. Anything else is a departure from the "Unity" that Christ intended, and one of the most glorious things about BEING Catholic is that you enjoy perfect unity of doctrine with literally hundreds upon hundreds of groups with different WAYS of living out that faith. It is an awesome thing.
On the other hand, this in no way negates the very real participation in the life of Christ that every protestant person is called to by virtue of his "personal relationship" with Christ. I am not denying the strong bond that a protestant person can build with Jesus and the exemplary fruit which can come of said bond.
I spoke earlier of my certainty that Catholicism is a completion of protestantism-- that it is, so to speak, the 'missing link' that so many, disheartened with seeking the face of God in Church, after Church, after Church, are looking for. Being a protestant, simply put, is only half the story, and that isn't because we Catholics add "works" but rather because we add bucketloads of grace which God desires to pour out through the sacraments, which are visible signs of grace instituted by Christ Himself. We don't baptize people because it is an ordinance (Because God said to do it) but because it is a SACRAMENT, because through it certain graces are conferred onto us that will later be used to build up our Spirit-man. It does something. And most protestants, when pressed, will realize that they believe this too-- that it places an indelible sign of grace on the person. They just don't KNOW they believe it, or if they do, they refuse to call it "Sacramental." That sounds "too religious."
Which brings me to the next thing: liturgy. Because "church isn't what we come away with but also what we do when we are gathered. And that's another thing I love about being a Catholic--we don't get together to fellowship. We don't need to, because through the grace conferred by the sacraments we find that we are fellowshipping all the time, only its a natural progression instead of what seems to me to be an artificial encouragement to "love each other" in like, a fifteen minute meet and greet. I see Catholics starting meet and greets in their own parishes and I get annoyed--- it's such an unCatholic concept. These things should naturally BE occurring because we have worshipped together and we will go out into the world and shelter each other... not because we "should" but because we want to.
Liturgy is the messy business of perfecting how we "do" Church, and while there is a vast difference in that all over the world as far as protestantism goes, Catholics have the advantage of being able to worship together in common whether they are on Galapagos or in India, in Cuba or ShangHai... Not only because the Order of Worship is the same but because all over the world Catholics hear and study the same verses from scripture and celebrate and observe the same holy days.
Also, there is no need for so many of the arguments that exist in the protestant world today. Predestination or Free will? Both. Evolution or Creationism? We don't know, both. And either. Church on Wednesday night or Sunday night? How about every day of the week?
At the end of the day, I know why most of my protestant friends don't want to be Catholic. It's usually not because they find it too religious (there's the whole "Traditions of men" thing, but anyone who actually takes the time to look into it understands from a biblical perspective why we do what we do) and it's not because they think Catholicism is unbiblical. It's because they don't want to get behind the Holy Father, our Pope. They don't want to adhere to the "rules" of Catholicism-- like going to confession before receiving communion, or believing in the authority of the priesthood. The thing is, in order to be a good Catholic one must really do all of the things it takes to be a good protestant:
Develop a relationship with Christ, be baptized. Reject sin. Reject Satan. Know and proclaim the Word. Be present at the altar of Christ to worship Him. Confess your sins. Submit to a spiritual authority.
The only difference is that as a Catholic you are consciously and visibly accountable to a higher authority other than yourself.
The biggest obstacle to Unity is the pope, because protestants don't realize that he is the servant of the Church, that we are behind him as leader but because he serves, not because he 'reigns.'
The second biggest obstacle to Unity is what protestants think/assume/have been told Catholics believe, as opposed to what ACTUAL Church teaching is. This leads to GREAT misunderstandings and/or disagreements that could be avoided. Some of the more common ones are confessing to a man, purgatory, "Mary worship" etc.
The third biggest obstacle to Unity is pride. Because of obedience, the Catholic Church does not condone the "celebritization" of persons with large, powerful ministries or individual parishes which are larger than others. We are One, and all glory goes to God and His visible Church on earth. Our monks and nuns give up all worldy possessions to live in community and serve people. They don't build golden toilets, own private "prayer jets" and take ten to fifteen vacations a year. Our heroes wear rope sandals or identical black shirts with a white collar. We don't tell you that you will have nothing but sunshine and rainbows when you give your life to God. We are honest. You will have penance, not parties, and you will have suffering and lots of it.
There are plenty of books that explain the vast theological "misunderstandings" protestants have about the Catholic Church. The four I always recommend are :
"Catholics and Christians."
"95 verses to confound protestants"
"Catholicism and fundamentalism."
"The Catholic answers survival guide."
I also recommend very, very highly anything you can get your hands on by Dr Scott Hahn, who is a brilliant genius when it comes to explaining all things Catholic in light of Scripture (and a former protestant!)
That being said, these books explain with great gusto what the Catechism of the Catholic Church (which no protestants I have found seem to want to read) teaches. So clearly, the best option is the actual source, the catechism.
It has been said that no one "hates" the Catholic Church for what she actually teaches, only for what they think she teaches. I couldn't agree more.
But it has been a devastatingly challenging experience going from die hard "nondenominational" Christian to Catholic. First, because it was a huge blow to my pride to acknowledge that I didn't know a thing about being a Catholic, even though I was raised one. And second, to acknowledge that a big part of what I was addicted to as a protestant was the EMOTIONAL experience of worshipping with other people. It's hard not to feel "God's presence" when you're around other hyped up people and the worship set is good and someone speaks a word to your heart. It's much harder to hear God in silence, like Catholics do in adoration, in liturgy, where responses are already mapped out, or in quiet, humble service for which you get no thanks. And yet in my own life, the fruit that has been produced has been tremendous-- so though I miss the extravagant worship experience very much, I can't say that this isn't better for my soul.
Lastly, it was hard acknowledging that I am not in charge of other people's salvation. As a protestant I AGONIZED over the salvation of souls, doing everything I could to tell people what they were doing right or wrong in order to "save them." I annoyed the heck out of people and quite frankly I judged them incorrectly, because I literally felt that I KNEW intellectually (not with my spirit, but with my mind) what God would say to them at all times. In the past two years since i have returned to the Church it has never ceased to amaze me how many times people assume something -- usually the worst-- about me based on whatever evidence is presented, and I am left only able to hang my head in shame at how many times I must have done the same thing to someone else. It needs to be said that St Francis had the best idea we've ever had when he said:
"Share the gospel always. Use words when necessary."
It bothers me to NO END when my nondenominational friends assure me that I'm part of the body of Christ (really? Gee thanks!) despite my Catholicism. Or that it's fine for me to FELLOWSHIP Catholics, so long as I know "the truth" which is that the Church is just one denomination among many (nope!) The thing that gets me the most is that I guess I feel that people are perpetually asking me one after another question about Catholicism because they want to know if they can count it as "Christian" or not. It seems to be the biggest underlying question: is Catholicism acceptable or not? I shouldn't have to defend myself and my theology to other Christians. After all, they are orphaned children of the Church. These same protestants who use the Bible to make claims that the Catholic Church is "unchristian," "a disunifying factor," the "antichrist" or "whore of babylon" etc have been GIVEN that bible they hold in their hand by the very same Catholic Church they want to denigrate. It's so frustrating. I don't need/want other people's approval to do what I know is right, so I'm not sure why protestants always seem to want to give it or withdraw it.
At the end of the day, though, I absolutely love my protestant brothers and sisters. I admire their enthusiasm and their dedication to the Lord, their willingness to go out and do ANYTHING for Him. I admire their zeal for truth and their passion for seeing hearts turn to Christ. We need more of that fire in the Catholic Church-- it has been sleeping! (which is why we need the Charismatic Renewal, but that's another story.) At the same time, I am so thankful every day that God didn't just make me a Christian, but a Catholic. It doesn't get any better than this. And I have enough common ground with my protestant brothers and sisters to keep us united in prayer. That, really, is the most important thing.
That being said, I totally enjoyed his article and thought it was hysterical-- having been in that same position SO MANY TIMES-- the position of having to "explain myself" to a well-meaning but totally off-track Christian in order to secure my own salvation in their eyes. We can and should always have a sense of humor about it, because if we don't laugh, we will cry.
Particularly in the case for Christian unity, when people see Catholics as being so "hard-headed" and unwilling to budge an inch, while the Catholic position is actually far more all-encompassing.
As a whole, the protestant position seems to be: "You must be saved, thus you must do things exactly as I do them or you will miss my boat and heaven will be closed to you." (and remember-- been there! Guilty as charged!)
The Catholic position, on the other hand, is: "Come over here, we have perfect hope that we will see the Salvation of the Lord and that we're doing it right, but if you don't get in our boat, we hope to see you there anyways. You aren't going to get there without Jesus, so we hope you meet Him along the way."
But it got me thinking that I need to do some clarifying about my own position and in my own words so that people don't misunderstand me (or him!) because good communication is always important. Then I got to Mass today and apparently, this is the week we are supposed to be praying for Church unity with protestants and orthodox (irony!) That meant it was definitely time to do some heavy blogging. :)
The Catechism of the Catholic Church has this to say about protestants:
817
In fact, "in this one and only Church of God from its very beginnings there arose certain rifts, which the Apostle strongly censures as damnable. But in subsequent centuries much more serious dissensions appeared and large communities became separated from full communion with the Catholic Church—for which, often enough, men of both sides were to blame."269 The ruptures that wound the unity of Christ's Body—here we must distinguish heresy, apostasy, and schism270—do not occur without human sin:
Where there are sins, there are also divisions, schisms, heresies, and disputes. Where there is virtue, however, there also are harmony and unity, from which arise the one heart and one soul of all believers.271
818
"However, one cannot charge with the sin of the separation those who at present are born into these communities [that resulted from such separation] and in them are brought up in the faith of Christ, and the Catholic Church accepts them with respect and affection as brothers . . . . All who have been justified by faith in Baptism are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers in the Lord by the children of the Catholic Church."272
819
"Furthermore, many elements of sanctification and of truth"273 are found outside the visible confines of the Catholic Church: "the written Word of God; the life of grace; faith, hope, and charity, with the other interior gifts of the Holy Spirit, as well as visible elements."274 Christ's Spirit uses these Churches and ecclesial communities as means of salvation, whose power derives from the fullness of grace and truth that Christ has entrusted to the Catholic Church. All these blessings come from Christ and lead to him,275 and are in themselves calls to "Catholic unity."276
Toward unity
820
"Christ bestowed unity on his Church from the beginning. This unity, we believe, subsists in the Catholic Church as something she can never lose, and we hope that it will continue to increase until the end of time."277 Christ always gives his Church the gift of unity, but the Church must always pray and work to maintain, reinforce, and perfect the unity that Christ wills for her. This is why Jesus himself prayed at the hour of his Passion, and does not cease praying to his Father, for the unity of his disciples: "That they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be one in us, . . . so that the world may know that you have sent me."278 The desire to recover the unity of all Christians is a gift of Christ and a call of the Holy Spirit.279
821
Certain things are required in order to respond adequately to this call:
* a permanent renewal of the Church in greater fidelity to her vocation; such renewal is the driving-force of the movement toward unity;280
* conversion of heart as the faithful "try to live holier lives according to the Gospel";281 for it is the unfaithfulness of the members to Christ's gift which causes divisions;
* prayer in common, because "change of heart and holiness of life, along with public and private prayer for the unity of Christians, should be regarded as the soul of the whole ecumenical movement, and merits the name ‘spiritual ecumenism;'"282
* fraternal knowledge of each other;283
* ecumenical formation of the faithful and especially of priests;284
* dialogue among theologians and meetings among Christians of the different churches and communities;285
* collaboration among Christians in various areas of service to mankind.286 "Human service" is the idiomatic phrase.
822
Concern for achieving unity "involves the whole Church, faithful and clergy alike."287 But we must realize "that this holy objective—the reconciliation of all Christians in the unity of the one and only Church of Christ—transcends human powers and gifts." That is why we place all our hope "in the prayer of Christ for the Church, in the love of the Father for us, and in the power of the Holy Spirit."288
However, lest we all start singing Kumbaya, it also reminds us of who and what Luther and Calvin really were: heretics.
406 The Church's teaching on the transmission of original sin was articulated more precisely in the fifth century, especially under the impulse of St. Augustine's reflections against Pelagianism, and in the sixteenth century, in opposition to the Protestant Reformation. Pelagius held that man could, by the natural power of free will and without the necessary help of God's grace, lead a morally good life; he thus reduced the influence of Adam's fault to bad example. The first Protestant reformers, on the contrary, taught that original sin has radically perverted man and destroyed his freedom; they identified the sin inherited by each man with the tendency to evil (concupiscentia), which would be insurmountable. The Church pronounced on the meaning of the data of Revelation on original sin especially at the second Council of Orange (529)296 and at the Council of Trent (1546)
It is important to remember these two things. As Catholics, we know that we love and serve the SAME LORD Jesus Christ as Protestants. We also know that we will need to work towards unity of belief with these protestants without compromising our own faith. And we know that we must accept that these protestants are lacking in one thing and one thing only: sacramental grace. For example, though the protestant churches do not have the Eucharist, nor any of the graces that come with that, they have been given a special grace for worship, that enables them to be filled with the Holy Spirit in a very special way.
Where there is a lack, God can MORE than make up for what is needed by providing a different type of grace, and thus we find that many, MANY protestants, though they don't have the sacraments, are powerful examples of what a Christian, quite simply, IS.
For starters, I don't regret my time as a protestant. I am not sorry for it and I DO think that God called me TO it and out of the Catholic Church for a moment so that I would be able to appreciate all the better what I had in front of me when I returned. I definitely believe that God has guided this journey. Second, I have no ill-will towards protestants today. Nor do I "hate" any protestant churches-- I have nothing but goodwill and wishes for success -- if we share the definition of success, which in my view is "to accomplish God's will."---towards my previous churches and to any of the Churches in Christ around the globe. I may roll my eyes a bit or poke fun at some of them for the sheer predictability of what they are up to these days, but I do the same for Catholic Parishes, so don't feel like I'm being "hard on you" if you are a protestant reader.
So here's the deal.
One of the major things I DO regret-- and that I have had to repent of-- is the absolute arrogance that grew from my ability to read, internalize, know and teach the Word of God. Because I was my own personal interpreter of "God's Bible Truth" for years and years, I grew to feel entitled to tell others what was and wasn't God's Truth based on that interpretation. I was my own authority, even though I believed I was submitted to my pastor's authority, and in doing so I rejected ACTUAL spiritual authority-- the authority which, in the biblical and apostolic manner, was handed down from Christ Himself to his disciples and their own disciples not only spiritually but by the literal laying on of hands.
Instead I picked and chose a Church which I felt taught what I had decided was "Bible Truth" based on what other people told me it was (and eventually, after studying theology and apologetics, based on what I thought it was) and then expected other people to build and teach doctrine and theology based on what I felt the Bible said.
Now, there is some method to that madness. You will find, as I did, that MOST issues really ARE completely obvious to a person who regularly dives into the Word and that Bible-reading protestants AND Catholics across the board really DO agree on almost everything. And if they don't, it's usually because they haven't looked at their bibles correctly, which means, in light of the correct lens. Because we ALL wear lenses when we look at scripture-- some of us see it through our own experience, or another's. Others of us see it through the eyes of the Magesterium. Regardless of HOW we look at it, some-- even many-- issues are undeniable in light of Scripture. (abortion, or homosexual marriage, I'm looking your direction...) Protestants acknowledge that lens when they say things like "that's legalism," or "that's out of context."
That being said, since the fundamental goal of every person who knows Christ is to share Him with others who need to know Him in order to get into heaven, then we have a conundrum. Because how do we share Him? What do we say about Him? And, as the famous Charles Colson said: "How now shall we live?"
It might surprise you that Catholics and Protestants will tell you the same thing: you must build a personal relationship with Him through prayer and time in the Word. Catholics add another step: you must be part of His Church, because to be a member of the Church is to accept His salvation. Why do we say this? Because within the confines of membership in the Catholic Church are all of those things which are necessary for salvation:
we believe. we are baptized. we proclaim and meditate on the Word of God. We receive Communion. We confess our sins. We repent. We turn from our ways and do penance. We annoint our sick with oil. We die in His good graces.
To be a member of the Catholic Church is to be guaranteed salvation IF (and this is a big IF) we take our membership seriously. If we live our Catholic faith. Not only that, but Christ established a Church, which gives all the more reason to be a part of it.
Protestantism is structureless-- as evidenced by the two trillion different denominations who somehow "all believe the same thing." There are different branches which at their conception were created specifically to do things more or less differently than the Church they departed from. It is an organic movement of people's yearnings mingled with the Holy Spirit's call, and it is amazing to me to see the differences as they evolve. In my last six or so years as a protestant I was more or less a Catholic with protestant skin on: I was a part of the Family Integrated Church movement, the new apostolic reformation, and other groups which essentially BELIEVED virtually everything a Catholic believes with regards to what the scripture says, all the while staying firmly grounded in my reformation stance. But when I look at it objectively-- most of the "95 theses" Luther posted on the door were eventually integrated into the Catholic Church.
I DO believe that the Church was in need of renewal at that time, and in that sense, Luther was a much needed instrument. Renewal, yes, but not Reformation. I don't believe, from reading his writings, that Luther intended to remove himself from the Catholic Church. I think that he was to be used as a much needed instrument of renewal and that Satan was able to subvert his main purpose and that it got away from him too fast for him to really HEAR God's voice in all of it. He is not, then, a hero of the faith but a failure of the faith, for me... an example of how easy we can fall when we fail to discern God's voice from the devil's and from our own flesh.
That being said, the children of the reformation cannot be held responsible for their fathers' actions. Somewhere along the line these children began to seek Jesus for themselves and to build a Church that resembled his own. Since the Catholic Church was "off limits" to them, so to speak, as a source of Truth, they turned elsewhere.
Let me be clear: I do NOT believe that Catholicism is a denomination of Christianity. It is THE denomination. Anything else is a departure from the "Unity" that Christ intended, and one of the most glorious things about BEING Catholic is that you enjoy perfect unity of doctrine with literally hundreds upon hundreds of groups with different WAYS of living out that faith. It is an awesome thing.
On the other hand, this in no way negates the very real participation in the life of Christ that every protestant person is called to by virtue of his "personal relationship" with Christ. I am not denying the strong bond that a protestant person can build with Jesus and the exemplary fruit which can come of said bond.
I spoke earlier of my certainty that Catholicism is a completion of protestantism-- that it is, so to speak, the 'missing link' that so many, disheartened with seeking the face of God in Church, after Church, after Church, are looking for. Being a protestant, simply put, is only half the story, and that isn't because we Catholics add "works" but rather because we add bucketloads of grace which God desires to pour out through the sacraments, which are visible signs of grace instituted by Christ Himself. We don't baptize people because it is an ordinance (Because God said to do it) but because it is a SACRAMENT, because through it certain graces are conferred onto us that will later be used to build up our Spirit-man. It does something. And most protestants, when pressed, will realize that they believe this too-- that it places an indelible sign of grace on the person. They just don't KNOW they believe it, or if they do, they refuse to call it "Sacramental." That sounds "too religious."
Which brings me to the next thing: liturgy. Because "church isn't what we come away with but also what we do when we are gathered. And that's another thing I love about being a Catholic--we don't get together to fellowship. We don't need to, because through the grace conferred by the sacraments we find that we are fellowshipping all the time, only its a natural progression instead of what seems to me to be an artificial encouragement to "love each other" in like, a fifteen minute meet and greet. I see Catholics starting meet and greets in their own parishes and I get annoyed--- it's such an unCatholic concept. These things should naturally BE occurring because we have worshipped together and we will go out into the world and shelter each other... not because we "should" but because we want to.
Liturgy is the messy business of perfecting how we "do" Church, and while there is a vast difference in that all over the world as far as protestantism goes, Catholics have the advantage of being able to worship together in common whether they are on Galapagos or in India, in Cuba or ShangHai... Not only because the Order of Worship is the same but because all over the world Catholics hear and study the same verses from scripture and celebrate and observe the same holy days.
Also, there is no need for so many of the arguments that exist in the protestant world today. Predestination or Free will? Both. Evolution or Creationism? We don't know, both. And either. Church on Wednesday night or Sunday night? How about every day of the week?
At the end of the day, I know why most of my protestant friends don't want to be Catholic. It's usually not because they find it too religious (there's the whole "Traditions of men" thing, but anyone who actually takes the time to look into it understands from a biblical perspective why we do what we do) and it's not because they think Catholicism is unbiblical. It's because they don't want to get behind the Holy Father, our Pope. They don't want to adhere to the "rules" of Catholicism-- like going to confession before receiving communion, or believing in the authority of the priesthood. The thing is, in order to be a good Catholic one must really do all of the things it takes to be a good protestant:
Develop a relationship with Christ, be baptized. Reject sin. Reject Satan. Know and proclaim the Word. Be present at the altar of Christ to worship Him. Confess your sins. Submit to a spiritual authority.
The only difference is that as a Catholic you are consciously and visibly accountable to a higher authority other than yourself.
The biggest obstacle to Unity is the pope, because protestants don't realize that he is the servant of the Church, that we are behind him as leader but because he serves, not because he 'reigns.'
The second biggest obstacle to Unity is what protestants think/assume/have been told Catholics believe, as opposed to what ACTUAL Church teaching is. This leads to GREAT misunderstandings and/or disagreements that could be avoided. Some of the more common ones are confessing to a man, purgatory, "Mary worship" etc.
The third biggest obstacle to Unity is pride. Because of obedience, the Catholic Church does not condone the "celebritization" of persons with large, powerful ministries or individual parishes which are larger than others. We are One, and all glory goes to God and His visible Church on earth. Our monks and nuns give up all worldy possessions to live in community and serve people. They don't build golden toilets, own private "prayer jets" and take ten to fifteen vacations a year. Our heroes wear rope sandals or identical black shirts with a white collar. We don't tell you that you will have nothing but sunshine and rainbows when you give your life to God. We are honest. You will have penance, not parties, and you will have suffering and lots of it.
There are plenty of books that explain the vast theological "misunderstandings" protestants have about the Catholic Church. The four I always recommend are :
"Catholics and Christians."
"95 verses to confound protestants"
"Catholicism and fundamentalism."
"The Catholic answers survival guide."
I also recommend very, very highly anything you can get your hands on by Dr Scott Hahn, who is a brilliant genius when it comes to explaining all things Catholic in light of Scripture (and a former protestant!)
That being said, these books explain with great gusto what the Catechism of the Catholic Church (which no protestants I have found seem to want to read) teaches. So clearly, the best option is the actual source, the catechism.
It has been said that no one "hates" the Catholic Church for what she actually teaches, only for what they think she teaches. I couldn't agree more.
But it has been a devastatingly challenging experience going from die hard "nondenominational" Christian to Catholic. First, because it was a huge blow to my pride to acknowledge that I didn't know a thing about being a Catholic, even though I was raised one. And second, to acknowledge that a big part of what I was addicted to as a protestant was the EMOTIONAL experience of worshipping with other people. It's hard not to feel "God's presence" when you're around other hyped up people and the worship set is good and someone speaks a word to your heart. It's much harder to hear God in silence, like Catholics do in adoration, in liturgy, where responses are already mapped out, or in quiet, humble service for which you get no thanks. And yet in my own life, the fruit that has been produced has been tremendous-- so though I miss the extravagant worship experience very much, I can't say that this isn't better for my soul.
Lastly, it was hard acknowledging that I am not in charge of other people's salvation. As a protestant I AGONIZED over the salvation of souls, doing everything I could to tell people what they were doing right or wrong in order to "save them." I annoyed the heck out of people and quite frankly I judged them incorrectly, because I literally felt that I KNEW intellectually (not with my spirit, but with my mind) what God would say to them at all times. In the past two years since i have returned to the Church it has never ceased to amaze me how many times people assume something -- usually the worst-- about me based on whatever evidence is presented, and I am left only able to hang my head in shame at how many times I must have done the same thing to someone else. It needs to be said that St Francis had the best idea we've ever had when he said:
"Share the gospel always. Use words when necessary."
It bothers me to NO END when my nondenominational friends assure me that I'm part of the body of Christ (really? Gee thanks!) despite my Catholicism. Or that it's fine for me to FELLOWSHIP Catholics, so long as I know "the truth" which is that the Church is just one denomination among many (nope!) The thing that gets me the most is that I guess I feel that people are perpetually asking me one after another question about Catholicism because they want to know if they can count it as "Christian" or not. It seems to be the biggest underlying question: is Catholicism acceptable or not? I shouldn't have to defend myself and my theology to other Christians. After all, they are orphaned children of the Church. These same protestants who use the Bible to make claims that the Catholic Church is "unchristian," "a disunifying factor," the "antichrist" or "whore of babylon" etc have been GIVEN that bible they hold in their hand by the very same Catholic Church they want to denigrate. It's so frustrating. I don't need/want other people's approval to do what I know is right, so I'm not sure why protestants always seem to want to give it or withdraw it.
At the end of the day, though, I absolutely love my protestant brothers and sisters. I admire their enthusiasm and their dedication to the Lord, their willingness to go out and do ANYTHING for Him. I admire their zeal for truth and their passion for seeing hearts turn to Christ. We need more of that fire in the Catholic Church-- it has been sleeping! (which is why we need the Charismatic Renewal, but that's another story.) At the same time, I am so thankful every day that God didn't just make me a Christian, but a Catholic. It doesn't get any better than this. And I have enough common ground with my protestant brothers and sisters to keep us united in prayer. That, really, is the most important thing.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My husband wrote this on facebook- I found it hilarious
Holler if you relate :
A Politically Incorrect Guide To Why Protestants Annoy Me... Usually...
This is chiefly to my brother, Scott... written in response to the accusation that I make to many jokes at the expense of Prods, and don't like them... just so you know.
First of all let me just point everything out afresh, Scotty. You are Protestant and I am a former Protestant, a heavily involved and devout Protestant, turned Roman Catholic. So... you don't have the advantage of understanding the issue a broadly as I do and probably never will... unless you become a Catholic. Also, let me be clear that anyone reading this can internalize it and be offended and act like I am being bigoted toward Protestants... or you can read it just as I meant it, as a general diagnosis of what is observable amongst Protestant culture, and you yourself can prove to be an exception to what I observe as the rule. THIS IS A GENERALIZATION... but also a literal example. In fact, I think most Protestants who read this will probably agree with me and probably hate the same things... ESPECIALLY YOU, SAM! Sam always understands me.
Probably the biggest thing that is frustrating, in general, in any given parlance with a Protestant is the flagrant anti-intellectualism. For instance, they don't ever want to listen to anyone say anything about philosophy, history, or science unless they have leather elbow pads, gold rimmed glasses, an old bible with them and a southern twang. It's as if they think scientists shouldn't be allowed to talk about science, or that there is room in the scientific method for "secret atheist-devil" agendas... which is complete nonsense. Or as if only Protestant pastors know the "truth" about history and everyone else is lying. Or that philosophy doesn't matter because it "isn't in the bible." And they always bring up their objections in reactionary ways instead of reasoned responses, because if they reasoned an argument they wouldn't have an objection to begin with usually.
For instance, without fail, a Protestant who arrogantly tries to attack Catholics by attacking the Church usually starts with cursory historical knowledge of specific events. Very often this is little more than an undigested regurgitation of a sermon they once heard a pastor on the radio give or something like that... if you are lucky it is "digested regurgitation." They'll say in rapid succession," Well, what about the Crusades, and the Inquisition, and the Salem Witch Trials." And you will give a factual explanation of the events, contrasting it with real-time social norms and preface it with historical fact," The Crusades was the re-taking of Christian Eastern Empire to succor pilgrims who were being raped, murdered, robbed, and kidnapped, and was also a military response to Muslim incursions into Europe for over three hundred years... etc, etc. The Inquisition was affected by both the secular and ecclesial authorities and usually dealt with actual criminals... etc, etc... And the Salem Witch Trials were done by Protestants." And then they will say," Yeah, but MILLIONS of people were butchered by the Catholic Church." To which you say," Actually, the death toll of the Crusades, the Inquisition, and even the Salem Witch Trials was only 110,000 people over a thousand year period..." And then they start to feel stupid and think," Oh, this jerk thinks he's so smart! God will make foolishness of the wisdom of men! He is so blinded by the world... this guy isn't saved!"
And why are they thinking those things? For no better reason than the fact that the Catholic person just showed that guy what an idiot he is without ever insulting him or being snarky. The Protestant at this point has already determined and settled on the tone of this conversation, and determined a goal as well... it's going to be a battle to vindicate the Protestant's pride, he wants to win, he doesn't care about being right. The Protestant realizes that he has no objectivity, that he doesn't possess all the knowledge he thought he did, and so the natural and next course of action is for them to turn their brain off and become completely subjective. To put it simply... at this point they have abandoned facts and reason and will resort to semantics, strawman arguments (putting words and ideas in peoples mouths), sweeping generalizations, red-herring arguments (trying to prevent the other person from making points by not sticking to the subject), ageist remarks, and if all else fails... out come the ad hominem attacks (insults to the person's character, attacking the man instead of his argumentation). These are the staples of their fight from this point on.
So, the next barrage of questioning goes like this," But what about Mary? You guys pray to Mary and the Saints! And Purgatory??? That's not in the bible! Why do you worship the Pope? Why do you call priests "father?" You guys have all these traditions of men! You pray to statues! (If they are really smart they'll go on to...) What about Transubstantiation and confession?" Basically, they will demand that you explain the last 2,000 years of Christian theology in four sentences or less... OR ELSE! As if they are your judge and you are guilty till proven innocent, as if your salvation depends on them and their limited mental capacity.
So, you dig down deep and muster as much patience, eloquence and charitableness as possible and you try to explain it in clarity and brevity, and in such a way that isn't offensive to them... even though at this point they have done nothing but insult you, your intelligence, and everything you believe in, they might as well have pissed all over the front of you. BUT... you swallow it and give them your best, in charity using common sense... which is where the Catholic has it all wrong, because the Protestant abandoned reason and common sense before they began their second tirade of questioning.
So, you explain "the communion of the saints", the use of effigy, the rosary, the Apostolic succession of the Pope, the office of the priest, transubstantiation, and confession... like a super human, because you did it all in ten minutes, even with them interrupting you every sentence, never letting you make your point, never letting you complete or connect ideas. You did it in ten minutes and in language and concepts that a child could understand, you have given them no reason to misunderstand you.
And yet... they ask the same questions again, this time more belligerently, more insinuatingly, more aggressively, far more accusatory," You are idolaters and you worship a demon known as Astoreth but call her Mary. You use pagan practices and you have all this religion made by men. You never read your bibles, and what about priests touching kids.What about the Illuminati...( and other vague references to Dan Brown fiction thrillers to bolster their argument)" So, naturally, at this point you are getting a bit fed up with their stupidity, because your patience is wearing thin... and why is that? Because you are the only person thus far who has controlled yourself the entire conversation which has been going for half an hour or more by now, pouring yourself into this conversation.
Now, it is not that the Protestant is "actually" mentally deficient, it's not that they are literally an "idiot"... its that they are arguing and behaving like idiots. Because while you were giving the most brief, brilliant, and concise apologetic refutation know to mankind on behalf of the Roman Catholic Church... the Protestant wasn't listening. All they heard was," Blah blah... blah blah blah, blah blah." And do you know why? Because of what I stated in the previous paragraph above... this conversation is no longer about what is true and right, or even who is right... its about them vindicating their pride... its all about their pride, just because they made themselves feel stupid about the Crusades. So, while they should have been listening to the answers they asked you for, trying to understand and digest what you are saying... while they should have been trying to see the angle you were construction for them so that you can have an actual conversation... they were only thinking about how to prove you wrong. They were wracking their brains for bible verses from the King James bible, trying to remember something clever their Protestant pastor said, trying to figure out a clever way to quibble over a word and use semantics, finding points to equivocate on, and trying to figure out a way to put you into a corner so that they could foist their beliefs and ideas on you and hope that you just give in.
And so, basically what you just did was cast your pearls before swine. You gave them the answers they asked for, and used the bible, cited historical reference, gave names and dates and made a great apology for the faith... and they just ignore it and act like they are smarter than you, but even more importantly, more righteous than you.
It's at this point you abandon what has obviously become an argument and vicious attack not only against what was their original target, which was the Roman Catholic Church, but now they are attacking and insulting you... because they are holding you accountable for how stupid they sound and feel! And you haven't insulted or attacked them once!
So, you hazard a defense of your own character, to which they begin to really out rightly insult you even more calling you blind, ignorant, religious (using the term as an insult), wrapped up in the traditions of men, you aren't a Christian, you need to be saved, you need to leave the Church and go to a "bible believing Church" etc, etc, etc...
And then you point out how they are acting and that they are using one-sided, circular logic and attacking you because they can't keep up intellectually, because they lost pace when when they were scheming on how to prove you wrong. And that makes them really indignant and self-righteous, because lets face it... no one can stand to be transparent especially when you were trying hard not to be.
And the Protestant finally says," I'll pray for you man." which is a modern construct from the Evangelical parlance which means," F*%ck you, mate." So you go separate ways, and the Protestant is telling themselves like a mantra," That guy is a fool, full of worldly wisdom. That guy needs to be saved. He has a spirit of strife, he's a divider of the brethren and bound up by satan... blah, freakin, blah..." And then they go tell their Protestant friends about "the fight a Catholic picked with them" and they pat each other on the back and patronizingly pray for the poor sinner Catholic with tons of platitudes," Father God we just pray, father God that you will just touch that guys life and open his eyes, God. We just pray Lord Jesus that you'd remove the hatred from his heart and show him your love, Lord Jesus... blah, blah, blah..." And the Catholic guy just walks away and says," Holy Jesus, what an idiot. I'm glad you are ever merciful and all understanding, remember this conversation when that guy comes to you and when considering his sin, consider also his stupidity and have mercy. Amen."
And so, being a Catholic, and a former protestant... I know these things. And having had these "discussions" with literally hundreds of people, and I don't say that lightly, I have had the above conversation about oh, 80+ times... I am certain of these things. So, what you think doesn't matter, what matters is what I have experienced, because the question is,"Why don't YOU (that is me) like Protestants?" I have answered that, with just a "TASTE" of some of why I don't get along with most Protestants. However, there are a great many other Protestants who I really admire and think are really genius in their own right, and I greatly respect them for their objectivity and their ability to cipher and dig deep. I've know quite a few, in fact my former professor Sam Nuckolls is one of those protestants I so respect and he is on my friends page, add him and he'll blow your mind, he's a very smart man. There are exceptions to the rule... I am one of them. :)
So, when these conversations happen to a person like me on a daily basis for months and years on end... it gets old. How is a person supposed to feel about people who only condescend to you about your core beliefs? How is a person to feel about people who only attack you and insult you? How are you to feel about people who only test you and your patience? Hmmm??? You might suppose I would look at them like my enemies. I suppose one might conclude then that it's a miracle I don't hate Protestants, but instead look at most of them like petulant children... and do pray for their ministries, their families, their charities, their faith, their health, their happiness, their holiness, and their communities. So, in my defense, I'd say I'm rather resilient considering the quantity of such experiences that I have had, which is way, way more than most people. So, there it is.
A Politically Incorrect Guide To Why Protestants Annoy Me... Usually...
This is chiefly to my brother, Scott... written in response to the accusation that I make to many jokes at the expense of Prods, and don't like them... just so you know.
First of all let me just point everything out afresh, Scotty. You are Protestant and I am a former Protestant, a heavily involved and devout Protestant, turned Roman Catholic. So... you don't have the advantage of understanding the issue a broadly as I do and probably never will... unless you become a Catholic. Also, let me be clear that anyone reading this can internalize it and be offended and act like I am being bigoted toward Protestants... or you can read it just as I meant it, as a general diagnosis of what is observable amongst Protestant culture, and you yourself can prove to be an exception to what I observe as the rule. THIS IS A GENERALIZATION... but also a literal example. In fact, I think most Protestants who read this will probably agree with me and probably hate the same things... ESPECIALLY YOU, SAM! Sam always understands me.
Probably the biggest thing that is frustrating, in general, in any given parlance with a Protestant is the flagrant anti-intellectualism. For instance, they don't ever want to listen to anyone say anything about philosophy, history, or science unless they have leather elbow pads, gold rimmed glasses, an old bible with them and a southern twang. It's as if they think scientists shouldn't be allowed to talk about science, or that there is room in the scientific method for "secret atheist-devil" agendas... which is complete nonsense. Or as if only Protestant pastors know the "truth" about history and everyone else is lying. Or that philosophy doesn't matter because it "isn't in the bible." And they always bring up their objections in reactionary ways instead of reasoned responses, because if they reasoned an argument they wouldn't have an objection to begin with usually.
For instance, without fail, a Protestant who arrogantly tries to attack Catholics by attacking the Church usually starts with cursory historical knowledge of specific events. Very often this is little more than an undigested regurgitation of a sermon they once heard a pastor on the radio give or something like that... if you are lucky it is "digested regurgitation." They'll say in rapid succession," Well, what about the Crusades, and the Inquisition, and the Salem Witch Trials." And you will give a factual explanation of the events, contrasting it with real-time social norms and preface it with historical fact," The Crusades was the re-taking of Christian Eastern Empire to succor pilgrims who were being raped, murdered, robbed, and kidnapped, and was also a military response to Muslim incursions into Europe for over three hundred years... etc, etc. The Inquisition was affected by both the secular and ecclesial authorities and usually dealt with actual criminals... etc, etc... And the Salem Witch Trials were done by Protestants." And then they will say," Yeah, but MILLIONS of people were butchered by the Catholic Church." To which you say," Actually, the death toll of the Crusades, the Inquisition, and even the Salem Witch Trials was only 110,000 people over a thousand year period..." And then they start to feel stupid and think," Oh, this jerk thinks he's so smart! God will make foolishness of the wisdom of men! He is so blinded by the world... this guy isn't saved!"
And why are they thinking those things? For no better reason than the fact that the Catholic person just showed that guy what an idiot he is without ever insulting him or being snarky. The Protestant at this point has already determined and settled on the tone of this conversation, and determined a goal as well... it's going to be a battle to vindicate the Protestant's pride, he wants to win, he doesn't care about being right. The Protestant realizes that he has no objectivity, that he doesn't possess all the knowledge he thought he did, and so the natural and next course of action is for them to turn their brain off and become completely subjective. To put it simply... at this point they have abandoned facts and reason and will resort to semantics, strawman arguments (putting words and ideas in peoples mouths), sweeping generalizations, red-herring arguments (trying to prevent the other person from making points by not sticking to the subject), ageist remarks, and if all else fails... out come the ad hominem attacks (insults to the person's character, attacking the man instead of his argumentation). These are the staples of their fight from this point on.
So, the next barrage of questioning goes like this," But what about Mary? You guys pray to Mary and the Saints! And Purgatory??? That's not in the bible! Why do you worship the Pope? Why do you call priests "father?" You guys have all these traditions of men! You pray to statues! (If they are really smart they'll go on to...) What about Transubstantiation and confession?" Basically, they will demand that you explain the last 2,000 years of Christian theology in four sentences or less... OR ELSE! As if they are your judge and you are guilty till proven innocent, as if your salvation depends on them and their limited mental capacity.
So, you dig down deep and muster as much patience, eloquence and charitableness as possible and you try to explain it in clarity and brevity, and in such a way that isn't offensive to them... even though at this point they have done nothing but insult you, your intelligence, and everything you believe in, they might as well have pissed all over the front of you. BUT... you swallow it and give them your best, in charity using common sense... which is where the Catholic has it all wrong, because the Protestant abandoned reason and common sense before they began their second tirade of questioning.
So, you explain "the communion of the saints", the use of effigy, the rosary, the Apostolic succession of the Pope, the office of the priest, transubstantiation, and confession... like a super human, because you did it all in ten minutes, even with them interrupting you every sentence, never letting you make your point, never letting you complete or connect ideas. You did it in ten minutes and in language and concepts that a child could understand, you have given them no reason to misunderstand you.
And yet... they ask the same questions again, this time more belligerently, more insinuatingly, more aggressively, far more accusatory," You are idolaters and you worship a demon known as Astoreth but call her Mary. You use pagan practices and you have all this religion made by men. You never read your bibles, and what about priests touching kids.What about the Illuminati...( and other vague references to Dan Brown fiction thrillers to bolster their argument)" So, naturally, at this point you are getting a bit fed up with their stupidity, because your patience is wearing thin... and why is that? Because you are the only person thus far who has controlled yourself the entire conversation which has been going for half an hour or more by now, pouring yourself into this conversation.
Now, it is not that the Protestant is "actually" mentally deficient, it's not that they are literally an "idiot"... its that they are arguing and behaving like idiots. Because while you were giving the most brief, brilliant, and concise apologetic refutation know to mankind on behalf of the Roman Catholic Church... the Protestant wasn't listening. All they heard was," Blah blah... blah blah blah, blah blah." And do you know why? Because of what I stated in the previous paragraph above... this conversation is no longer about what is true and right, or even who is right... its about them vindicating their pride... its all about their pride, just because they made themselves feel stupid about the Crusades. So, while they should have been listening to the answers they asked you for, trying to understand and digest what you are saying... while they should have been trying to see the angle you were construction for them so that you can have an actual conversation... they were only thinking about how to prove you wrong. They were wracking their brains for bible verses from the King James bible, trying to remember something clever their Protestant pastor said, trying to figure out a clever way to quibble over a word and use semantics, finding points to equivocate on, and trying to figure out a way to put you into a corner so that they could foist their beliefs and ideas on you and hope that you just give in.
And so, basically what you just did was cast your pearls before swine. You gave them the answers they asked for, and used the bible, cited historical reference, gave names and dates and made a great apology for the faith... and they just ignore it and act like they are smarter than you, but even more importantly, more righteous than you.
It's at this point you abandon what has obviously become an argument and vicious attack not only against what was their original target, which was the Roman Catholic Church, but now they are attacking and insulting you... because they are holding you accountable for how stupid they sound and feel! And you haven't insulted or attacked them once!
So, you hazard a defense of your own character, to which they begin to really out rightly insult you even more calling you blind, ignorant, religious (using the term as an insult), wrapped up in the traditions of men, you aren't a Christian, you need to be saved, you need to leave the Church and go to a "bible believing Church" etc, etc, etc...
And then you point out how they are acting and that they are using one-sided, circular logic and attacking you because they can't keep up intellectually, because they lost pace when when they were scheming on how to prove you wrong. And that makes them really indignant and self-righteous, because lets face it... no one can stand to be transparent especially when you were trying hard not to be.
And the Protestant finally says," I'll pray for you man." which is a modern construct from the Evangelical parlance which means," F*%ck you, mate." So you go separate ways, and the Protestant is telling themselves like a mantra," That guy is a fool, full of worldly wisdom. That guy needs to be saved. He has a spirit of strife, he's a divider of the brethren and bound up by satan... blah, freakin, blah..." And then they go tell their Protestant friends about "the fight a Catholic picked with them" and they pat each other on the back and patronizingly pray for the poor sinner Catholic with tons of platitudes," Father God we just pray, father God that you will just touch that guys life and open his eyes, God. We just pray Lord Jesus that you'd remove the hatred from his heart and show him your love, Lord Jesus... blah, blah, blah..." And the Catholic guy just walks away and says," Holy Jesus, what an idiot. I'm glad you are ever merciful and all understanding, remember this conversation when that guy comes to you and when considering his sin, consider also his stupidity and have mercy. Amen."
And so, being a Catholic, and a former protestant... I know these things. And having had these "discussions" with literally hundreds of people, and I don't say that lightly, I have had the above conversation about oh, 80+ times... I am certain of these things. So, what you think doesn't matter, what matters is what I have experienced, because the question is,"Why don't YOU (that is me) like Protestants?" I have answered that, with just a "TASTE" of some of why I don't get along with most Protestants. However, there are a great many other Protestants who I really admire and think are really genius in their own right, and I greatly respect them for their objectivity and their ability to cipher and dig deep. I've know quite a few, in fact my former professor Sam Nuckolls is one of those protestants I so respect and he is on my friends page, add him and he'll blow your mind, he's a very smart man. There are exceptions to the rule... I am one of them. :)
So, when these conversations happen to a person like me on a daily basis for months and years on end... it gets old. How is a person supposed to feel about people who only condescend to you about your core beliefs? How is a person to feel about people who only attack you and insult you? How are you to feel about people who only test you and your patience? Hmmm??? You might suppose I would look at them like my enemies. I suppose one might conclude then that it's a miracle I don't hate Protestants, but instead look at most of them like petulant children... and do pray for their ministries, their families, their charities, their faith, their health, their happiness, their holiness, and their communities. So, in my defense, I'd say I'm rather resilient considering the quantity of such experiences that I have had, which is way, way more than most people. So, there it is.
Choose Life- the tale of a march and rally
I've been sitting on this blog for a while because I didn't know how I wanted to convey it. I want to do justice to the organizers of the event I am about to describe and to acknowledge the important progress that was made that day for the cause of life. I want to encourage people who actively promote the cause of life. At the same time, I have to be honest about what I saw and experienced. In other words, I don't want to denigrate anyone, but I do want to express a deep frustration and sense of urgency I have about this particular cause.
Let me start by saying that there is no cause more noble than to take up the cause of the protection of the Unborn. The pro-life movement encompasses much more than abortion, of course, as it has for a goal the protection of human life from conception until natural death, as we say in the Catholic Church. But I think the most important facet of the movement is the protection of the unborn, because these days there is a flat out WAR declared against them and they have NO voice. Satan has had a field day with our society in particular since the sixties and the normalization of birth control, and through it people are literally dying. There's no doubt about it: Abortion hurts everyone.
The kids and I (well, my two daughters.... I left my son at home because I didn't feel that I was operating on enough sleep to keep THREE toddlers in line and safe at a busy, possibly dangerous event like this one) went to a Pro-Life March on Saturday. It was a statewide event designed to push the pro-life cause in the State capital before the Country-wide rally held in Washington DC every year (Which happens to be tomorrow, as a matter of fact.)
I had never been to a pro-life march and rally and had no idea what to expect.
We left early enough in the morning so that it felt like we were going on an adventure. Lumped into a big bus with a friend's family, the kids talked in hushed excited voices and we sipped coffee and water and worked on waking up. We started the day with Mass at a Parish I really love in Raleigh. I was very excited since the Bishop was saying mass-- and was not disappointed.
Their day began with a 7 am rosary, followed by what was called the "Reading of the Names." I didn't know what this was, but I knew when everyone stood up and looked solemnly over at the shrine of Our Lady where the Cantor was preparing to chant the names that it was going to be intense. And it was.... the Reading of the Names was an almost half hour straight chanting of the "given" names of babies that had been killed in abortion through Project Rachel. In essence, we were hearing the names of each child that had died that year because of abortion. Not cool.
Like the saddest funeral in the world, the cantor's melodic rhythm continued as he called out a seemingly unending list of names. It took exactly three names for me to start crying. By about twelve I was a near wreck. I watched the incense rise towards heaven and asked the souls of these beautiful babies who weren't even given a chance to pray for us all.
This event set the tone for the Mass, which was beautiful. And at one point I realized that I was standing right next to a gigantic, gorgeous statue of St Gerard Majella. I prayed for my sisters who are trying to conceive and asked him to intercede for them. It didn't seem like an accident that I was standing there holding my beautiful little "mistake," the snoodle, and periodically glancing over at my gorgeous "surprise," who was behaving herself relatively well for this mass, excited as she was to "go to Raleigh to save babies."
Shortly after a quick break at a favorite Catholic bookstore, where unbelievably my dear St Brighid made herself known to me AGAIN, we found ourselves standing in a big public square looking at a huge stage where a young girl was belting out praise songs. She raised up enthusiasm with a souled-up chorus of "God is in control" followed by "It's a new day." And in that I found that I was getting excited. More and more people were showing up and it seemed to be the perfect family event-- kids and parents in solidarity holding signs and gathering around to hear the speakers.
There was hushed excitement in the air, and everyone seemed to be polite and thoughtful. There was a tremendous sense of unity that reminded me of why I had enjoyed political manifestations as a teenager and college student. Hope floated over the crowd and touched down in each heart. The speakers began.
First, our Bishop opened us up in prayer. He chose NOT to make the sign of the cross, a concession to the protestants there, I assume, and while it irked me, I understood what his reasoning behind it might be. United in prayer, protestants, Catholics and even secular atheists/agnostics acknowledged that this cause was the most important one we could address if we were going to change the world one step at a time.
Next, we heard what seemed like an endless, droning list of reasons why our senators and congressmen who "cared deeply" about the issue of Life couldn't be with us at the rally. It felt silly to me-- like a reminder that they didn't care enough to be there. But they had each written a letter, so listen we must.
Next came the testimony of a woman who was a pro-life advocate and adoption advocate. She seemed very genuine and real, and acknowledged that while she had been asked to keep her comments secular and focused on politics, she felt compelled to share her testimony instead, which she did in a very heartfelt, careful manner. You could tell this woman's heart was set on fire by the Holy Spirit and that she just wanted to share in that with everyone. I hadn't heard anyone talk like that in quite a while, so it made me reminisce about my protestant days and that sense of URGENCY we had in sharing "Jesus as our Lord and Savior" with everyone within earshot as loudly as we possibly could.
Right after that came the flood for me, a dense rain of bizarre experiences that culminated in giving me the creepy crawlies. And this is where it got very, very strange. A woman, who was introduced as Angela something-or-other with a pHD, began to speak. And her speech was disturbing. She was a feminist, it was clear, and a hardlined one. She spoke of the injuries to women over abortion-- and gave grim, grisly and utterly disgusting descriptions of nightmare scenarios like rape, molestation, abuse, etc. We were furious that the teenaged girls in the crowd were hearing what she was saying.
She spoke about these things with such vehemence that I could imagine the shower of spittle coming down from her mouth and into the crowd. Honestly, it reminded me of riot grrrl rallies and the like that I used to attend as a sullen teen. This was not the culture of life. This was the culture of death, of fear, of destruction. This was about women trying to survive. All the sense of comraderie and "family togetherness" I had had from the rally evaporated within minutes of this woman taking the microphone, and a sudden, noticeable chill began to work its' way up my back. I couldn't put my finger on it at first, but I just knew that SOMETHING wasn't right. The sense of heaviness and darkness that had begun to weigh on me was so intense I actually walked away from the crowds and took out my rosary. As the kids played in circles around me my fingers ran circles around the beads as I tried desperately to lift the sense of impending .... ickiness... that had settled over me.
I was not surprised to find that the friend I had come with was trying to catch her breath also. Like me, she clutched at her rosary and began to pray. It became very clear to me that an entire "other" faction had taken over the rally and that the message was ever so slightly-- and ever so ominously-- different.
The rally suddenly went from being about FAITH, to being about FEAR. And darkness settled in.
I noticed other Catholics in the crowd had begun a rosary as well. I tried to shake off the creepy feeling and find unity in that, but it was too late.
Shortly thereafter the march began, and we headed down into the street. Up until that time there had been dozens of cars driving by and honking, people making comments out the windows. But as we began to march, I got the most bizarre feeling of "aloneness." The downtown buildings loomed overhead like menacing giants and I noticed that there was no "common chant" in the crowd. For the most part, people were silent or conversing with neighboring sign holders around them. At no point did someone start up a rallying cry or begin to shout or sing. I kept praying my rosary, and so did, I noticed, lots of Catholics around me. Suddenly, it dawned on me that there was an absolutely miserable lack of clergy and religious present. I think I saw maybe ten priests ,one brother, and one sister the whole march, which, quite honestly, is a terrible shame. Did Catholics have something better to do that day than promote the culture of life?
So quietly we marched, holding loud signs, up the streets of Raleigh and NO WHERE, and I mean NOWHERE did I see another person-- a passerby, an accidental encounter, a vehicle waiting for us to pass. Nowhere. The handful of people at stoplights watching were older pro lifers who couldn't march but wanted to participate. It seemed to me as though the streets of downtown Raleigh, the Capital of North Carolina, just happened to be empty that day. And yet the MINUTE that the march was over, I noticed, the streets were busy and normal again-- all of a sudden people in suits with coffee were walking around talking on cell phones. So bizarre.
But we marched...we held our signs high and we prayed. My three year old shouted to everyone she saw: "The badguys are killing babies! We're marching to save them! Save the babies!"
On the way out, we stopped to get some refreshements and to change the babies and use the bathroom. I was downstairs in the bathroom, alone, when my darling newest child decided to just EXPLODE. She pooped so much (and if you breastfeed, baby poop is basically just liquid) that she wrecked her clothes, the changing table, the floor-- even the insides of the buckles on the changing table. Of course, this was after we had been using baby wipes like they were going out of style on tables, chairs ,etc where the babies were sitting. So I had ONE baby wipe left. And the changing table was out of reach of the paper towels. And my diaper bag was in the car. And it was freezing outside.
Looking back, I think God gave me this little incident to remind me that children ARE an inconvenience. Everything about that scenario was a nightmare, and it sucked, and it was embarrassing, and messy, and a huge nuissance. But it was COMMON. As I sat there with one hand on my baby and the other elbow deep in poop, waiting for someone to happen into the bathroom, not run, and to hand me a wad of paper towels, I realized that I was experienced now enough at motherhood to understand that not only do these things happen, but they need to happen. They need to happen because we need to lose ourselves and our ridiculous sense of self-importance and instead to pour ourselves into others-- what better way to do that than to put us in charge of a being who cannot care for himself? I was also impressed with the grace which God gave me to handle that situation. Instead of allowing the situation to frustrate me, I just laughed and giggled with the baby, cooing at her and tsk tsking her for saving all that up for the ONE day I was hours from home. I think I'm getting used to being a mom, three babies later. :)
In the end, I think the march was a bittersweet event. I do NOT believe, (unlike most pro-life activists, it seems) that I will ever see abortion abolished in my time. I believe that this great evil will continue to exist, and that it will continue to be accepted. I'm not a pro-life activist because I think I'm going to change legislation or change the world. Instead, I think I do it so I can teach my kids to do it-- so I can create in my own family a CULTURE of life which is communicable to the outside world, and which will be shared with those who have ears to hear the message of Christ, that every person matters. I think that what God wanted to allow me to see was how Satan was trying to steal the pro-life movement, to distort it and change its message from a celebration of the dignity of human life to a necessary step for protection because of our fear.
Ultimately, my entire weekend was a weekend in which I was made aware of the warfare over our heads. After the tangible darkness I felt in the actual march and rally, the next day at Church was even more bizarre. My husband, priest and I saw three separate incidents in which people were acting very, very, strange around the Eucharist. Shortly after the tabernacle was closed, everyone had received, and the priest returned to his seat, I felt a jarring, hard punch in the back of my head, followed by a heavy weight against my back.I nearly fell over the front of the pew. I struggled for some time, and finally found myself face to face with this person who was having some sort of seizure and had fallen on me. Because I held the baby I couldn't help her, but she and I did this bizarre dance and struggle for nearly a minute before anyone around us noticed to help, and it was nearly four minutes before my husband or hers noticed! Very odd experience. Her children seemed completely unphased, as if this was normal behavior, and her husband was not wanting any help or assistance which made it even weirder.
I was shaken, particularly since a woman I knew had had an almost identical unexplainable seizure while sitting in the exact same spot a year before. Later that day, it seemed pretty clear to me and the woman I had gone with that some type of severe spiritual warfare was going on over our heads. Was this because we participated in a pro-life march? Because we NOTICED the visible darkness over the march and began to pray over it? What exactly caused this insanely thick darkness to descend over the weekend? I have no idea. All I know is that it lifted on Monday morning as quickly as it had descended, and in its place I found the solace of routine, family structure, and our normal lives.
But for a second- just for a fleeting instant-- my Spirit-woman was quickened and it was like I had open eyes to see the importance of the abortion issue in the spiritual realm.
All the saints of heaven, pray for the pro-life movement. Particularly tomorrow as they march on Washington DC in solidarity.
If you were at the Raleigh march, I'd love to hear you opinions of how the event went.
Let me start by saying that there is no cause more noble than to take up the cause of the protection of the Unborn. The pro-life movement encompasses much more than abortion, of course, as it has for a goal the protection of human life from conception until natural death, as we say in the Catholic Church. But I think the most important facet of the movement is the protection of the unborn, because these days there is a flat out WAR declared against them and they have NO voice. Satan has had a field day with our society in particular since the sixties and the normalization of birth control, and through it people are literally dying. There's no doubt about it: Abortion hurts everyone.
The kids and I (well, my two daughters.... I left my son at home because I didn't feel that I was operating on enough sleep to keep THREE toddlers in line and safe at a busy, possibly dangerous event like this one) went to a Pro-Life March on Saturday. It was a statewide event designed to push the pro-life cause in the State capital before the Country-wide rally held in Washington DC every year (Which happens to be tomorrow, as a matter of fact.)
I had never been to a pro-life march and rally and had no idea what to expect.
We left early enough in the morning so that it felt like we were going on an adventure. Lumped into a big bus with a friend's family, the kids talked in hushed excited voices and we sipped coffee and water and worked on waking up. We started the day with Mass at a Parish I really love in Raleigh. I was very excited since the Bishop was saying mass-- and was not disappointed.
Their day began with a 7 am rosary, followed by what was called the "Reading of the Names." I didn't know what this was, but I knew when everyone stood up and looked solemnly over at the shrine of Our Lady where the Cantor was preparing to chant the names that it was going to be intense. And it was.... the Reading of the Names was an almost half hour straight chanting of the "given" names of babies that had been killed in abortion through Project Rachel. In essence, we were hearing the names of each child that had died that year because of abortion. Not cool.
Like the saddest funeral in the world, the cantor's melodic rhythm continued as he called out a seemingly unending list of names. It took exactly three names for me to start crying. By about twelve I was a near wreck. I watched the incense rise towards heaven and asked the souls of these beautiful babies who weren't even given a chance to pray for us all.
This event set the tone for the Mass, which was beautiful. And at one point I realized that I was standing right next to a gigantic, gorgeous statue of St Gerard Majella. I prayed for my sisters who are trying to conceive and asked him to intercede for them. It didn't seem like an accident that I was standing there holding my beautiful little "mistake," the snoodle, and periodically glancing over at my gorgeous "surprise," who was behaving herself relatively well for this mass, excited as she was to "go to Raleigh to save babies."
Shortly after a quick break at a favorite Catholic bookstore, where unbelievably my dear St Brighid made herself known to me AGAIN, we found ourselves standing in a big public square looking at a huge stage where a young girl was belting out praise songs. She raised up enthusiasm with a souled-up chorus of "God is in control" followed by "It's a new day." And in that I found that I was getting excited. More and more people were showing up and it seemed to be the perfect family event-- kids and parents in solidarity holding signs and gathering around to hear the speakers.
There was hushed excitement in the air, and everyone seemed to be polite and thoughtful. There was a tremendous sense of unity that reminded me of why I had enjoyed political manifestations as a teenager and college student. Hope floated over the crowd and touched down in each heart. The speakers began.
First, our Bishop opened us up in prayer. He chose NOT to make the sign of the cross, a concession to the protestants there, I assume, and while it irked me, I understood what his reasoning behind it might be. United in prayer, protestants, Catholics and even secular atheists/agnostics acknowledged that this cause was the most important one we could address if we were going to change the world one step at a time.
Next, we heard what seemed like an endless, droning list of reasons why our senators and congressmen who "cared deeply" about the issue of Life couldn't be with us at the rally. It felt silly to me-- like a reminder that they didn't care enough to be there. But they had each written a letter, so listen we must.
Next came the testimony of a woman who was a pro-life advocate and adoption advocate. She seemed very genuine and real, and acknowledged that while she had been asked to keep her comments secular and focused on politics, she felt compelled to share her testimony instead, which she did in a very heartfelt, careful manner. You could tell this woman's heart was set on fire by the Holy Spirit and that she just wanted to share in that with everyone. I hadn't heard anyone talk like that in quite a while, so it made me reminisce about my protestant days and that sense of URGENCY we had in sharing "Jesus as our Lord and Savior" with everyone within earshot as loudly as we possibly could.
Right after that came the flood for me, a dense rain of bizarre experiences that culminated in giving me the creepy crawlies. And this is where it got very, very strange. A woman, who was introduced as Angela something-or-other with a pHD, began to speak. And her speech was disturbing. She was a feminist, it was clear, and a hardlined one. She spoke of the injuries to women over abortion-- and gave grim, grisly and utterly disgusting descriptions of nightmare scenarios like rape, molestation, abuse, etc. We were furious that the teenaged girls in the crowd were hearing what she was saying.
She spoke about these things with such vehemence that I could imagine the shower of spittle coming down from her mouth and into the crowd. Honestly, it reminded me of riot grrrl rallies and the like that I used to attend as a sullen teen. This was not the culture of life. This was the culture of death, of fear, of destruction. This was about women trying to survive. All the sense of comraderie and "family togetherness" I had had from the rally evaporated within minutes of this woman taking the microphone, and a sudden, noticeable chill began to work its' way up my back. I couldn't put my finger on it at first, but I just knew that SOMETHING wasn't right. The sense of heaviness and darkness that had begun to weigh on me was so intense I actually walked away from the crowds and took out my rosary. As the kids played in circles around me my fingers ran circles around the beads as I tried desperately to lift the sense of impending .... ickiness... that had settled over me.
I was not surprised to find that the friend I had come with was trying to catch her breath also. Like me, she clutched at her rosary and began to pray. It became very clear to me that an entire "other" faction had taken over the rally and that the message was ever so slightly-- and ever so ominously-- different.
The rally suddenly went from being about FAITH, to being about FEAR. And darkness settled in.
I noticed other Catholics in the crowd had begun a rosary as well. I tried to shake off the creepy feeling and find unity in that, but it was too late.
Shortly thereafter the march began, and we headed down into the street. Up until that time there had been dozens of cars driving by and honking, people making comments out the windows. But as we began to march, I got the most bizarre feeling of "aloneness." The downtown buildings loomed overhead like menacing giants and I noticed that there was no "common chant" in the crowd. For the most part, people were silent or conversing with neighboring sign holders around them. At no point did someone start up a rallying cry or begin to shout or sing. I kept praying my rosary, and so did, I noticed, lots of Catholics around me. Suddenly, it dawned on me that there was an absolutely miserable lack of clergy and religious present. I think I saw maybe ten priests ,one brother, and one sister the whole march, which, quite honestly, is a terrible shame. Did Catholics have something better to do that day than promote the culture of life?
So quietly we marched, holding loud signs, up the streets of Raleigh and NO WHERE, and I mean NOWHERE did I see another person-- a passerby, an accidental encounter, a vehicle waiting for us to pass. Nowhere. The handful of people at stoplights watching were older pro lifers who couldn't march but wanted to participate. It seemed to me as though the streets of downtown Raleigh, the Capital of North Carolina, just happened to be empty that day. And yet the MINUTE that the march was over, I noticed, the streets were busy and normal again-- all of a sudden people in suits with coffee were walking around talking on cell phones. So bizarre.
But we marched...we held our signs high and we prayed. My three year old shouted to everyone she saw: "The badguys are killing babies! We're marching to save them! Save the babies!"
On the way out, we stopped to get some refreshements and to change the babies and use the bathroom. I was downstairs in the bathroom, alone, when my darling newest child decided to just EXPLODE. She pooped so much (and if you breastfeed, baby poop is basically just liquid) that she wrecked her clothes, the changing table, the floor-- even the insides of the buckles on the changing table. Of course, this was after we had been using baby wipes like they were going out of style on tables, chairs ,etc where the babies were sitting. So I had ONE baby wipe left. And the changing table was out of reach of the paper towels. And my diaper bag was in the car. And it was freezing outside.
Looking back, I think God gave me this little incident to remind me that children ARE an inconvenience. Everything about that scenario was a nightmare, and it sucked, and it was embarrassing, and messy, and a huge nuissance. But it was COMMON. As I sat there with one hand on my baby and the other elbow deep in poop, waiting for someone to happen into the bathroom, not run, and to hand me a wad of paper towels, I realized that I was experienced now enough at motherhood to understand that not only do these things happen, but they need to happen. They need to happen because we need to lose ourselves and our ridiculous sense of self-importance and instead to pour ourselves into others-- what better way to do that than to put us in charge of a being who cannot care for himself? I was also impressed with the grace which God gave me to handle that situation. Instead of allowing the situation to frustrate me, I just laughed and giggled with the baby, cooing at her and tsk tsking her for saving all that up for the ONE day I was hours from home. I think I'm getting used to being a mom, three babies later. :)
In the end, I think the march was a bittersweet event. I do NOT believe, (unlike most pro-life activists, it seems) that I will ever see abortion abolished in my time. I believe that this great evil will continue to exist, and that it will continue to be accepted. I'm not a pro-life activist because I think I'm going to change legislation or change the world. Instead, I think I do it so I can teach my kids to do it-- so I can create in my own family a CULTURE of life which is communicable to the outside world, and which will be shared with those who have ears to hear the message of Christ, that every person matters. I think that what God wanted to allow me to see was how Satan was trying to steal the pro-life movement, to distort it and change its message from a celebration of the dignity of human life to a necessary step for protection because of our fear.
Ultimately, my entire weekend was a weekend in which I was made aware of the warfare over our heads. After the tangible darkness I felt in the actual march and rally, the next day at Church was even more bizarre. My husband, priest and I saw three separate incidents in which people were acting very, very, strange around the Eucharist. Shortly after the tabernacle was closed, everyone had received, and the priest returned to his seat, I felt a jarring, hard punch in the back of my head, followed by a heavy weight against my back.I nearly fell over the front of the pew. I struggled for some time, and finally found myself face to face with this person who was having some sort of seizure and had fallen on me. Because I held the baby I couldn't help her, but she and I did this bizarre dance and struggle for nearly a minute before anyone around us noticed to help, and it was nearly four minutes before my husband or hers noticed! Very odd experience. Her children seemed completely unphased, as if this was normal behavior, and her husband was not wanting any help or assistance which made it even weirder.
I was shaken, particularly since a woman I knew had had an almost identical unexplainable seizure while sitting in the exact same spot a year before. Later that day, it seemed pretty clear to me and the woman I had gone with that some type of severe spiritual warfare was going on over our heads. Was this because we participated in a pro-life march? Because we NOTICED the visible darkness over the march and began to pray over it? What exactly caused this insanely thick darkness to descend over the weekend? I have no idea. All I know is that it lifted on Monday morning as quickly as it had descended, and in its place I found the solace of routine, family structure, and our normal lives.
But for a second- just for a fleeting instant-- my Spirit-woman was quickened and it was like I had open eyes to see the importance of the abortion issue in the spiritual realm.
All the saints of heaven, pray for the pro-life movement. Particularly tomorrow as they march on Washington DC in solidarity.
If you were at the Raleigh march, I'd love to hear you opinions of how the event went.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
In need of mercy for these difficult days
I was frustrated, this morning. Nursing the baby on and off from 3 am onwards because she has a stuffy nose. Last night I had watched the news for the first time on Haiti. Although I've been praying, I didn't feel emotionally prepared to deal with the vivid images of devastation that I knew were coming from all over Haiti. I thought I would give it a try.
What I found was what I knew I would see-- to be honest, not anything too far removed from the horror of daily life in Haiti as we've been praying for it over the years. A stronghold of poverty, anarchy, and devastation. I had cried and held my kids close. Maybe her stuffy nose was in solidarity with mine.
We were nursing. I felt myself falling asleep so I picked up my Mp3 player to stay awake. My heart sank. There on the little screen what I found was not the solace of my middle of the night quiet worship in the darkness, nor the peace of lauds. What I found was a flashing message-- an AP newswire breaking news alert: "Haiti rocked by second quake, Magnitude 6.0, moments ago." I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I caught my breath. It could not be so.
I gasped, audibly cried out for mercy. I hurriedly went to find my Father in Law, who never sleeps either, to tell him the news. I think I wanted to share my shock with someone- anyone- human. Someone who could "feel" the tangible darkness in the news that morning with me.
"Yeah, isn't that something?" He said. "And did you hear? My man Scott Brown won! Now we've got a chance to kill the Healthcare Reform."
I looked at him wide eyed. He didn't get it.
Was I crazy? Was it really not as significant as I thought?
I turned on the morning news, as low as can be so as not to wake the kids. I flipped through channels. Scott Brown, Scott Brown. Scott Brown. Red and Blue balloons floated in artificial glee around my TV Screen. Proud looking little girls shook powerful hands and their parents beamed. I felt crazy-- desperate to know if there was really something as ominous as I thought out there.
Finally, I landed on Fox news, where there was mention of the quake. 6.1. Devastation. My heart pounded in my chest the same way it had when the second plane had hit the World Trade Center. It was true.
Weeping I watched the little red stripe at the bottom of the screen ticking the same three pieces of information while the newscasters babbled with a seismologist about fault lines in America that "might" be next.
I googled "scripture encouragement disaster" and found page after page of ministries asking for money to send bibles to relief efforts. I turned to my faithful Psalm 90 (Psalm 91 in the protestant Bible:)
Book Of Psalms, 91 (Douay Rheims)
Qui habitat. The just is secure under the protection of God.
1 The praise of a canticle for David. He that dwelleth in the aid of the most High, shall abide under the protection of the God of Jacob. 2 He shall say to the Lord: Thou art my protector, and my refuge: my God, in him will I trust. 3 For he hath delivered me from the snare of the hunters: and from the sharp word. 4 He will overshadow thee with his shoulders: and under his wings thou shalt trust. 5 His truth shall compass thee with a shield: thou shalt not be afraid of the terror of the night.
6 Of the arrow that flieth in the day, of the business that walketh about in the dark: of invasion, or of the noonday devil. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand: but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 But thou shalt consider with thy eyes: and shalt see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou, O Lord, art my hope: thou hast made the most High thy refuge. 10 There shall no evil come to thee: nor shall the scourge come near thy dwelling.
11 For he hath given his angels charge over thee; to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 In their hands they shall bear thee up: lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt walk upon the asp and the basilisk: and thou shalt trample under foot the lion and the dragon. 14 Because he hoped in me I will deliver him: I will protect him because he hath known my name. 15 He shall cry to me, and I will hear him: I am with him in tribulation, I will deliver him, and I will glorify him.
16 I will fill him with length of days; and I will shew him my salvation.
The Screen changed to news about a sixty-something year old woman who had been pulled from the rubble and had been literally UNDER a rectory for the week and a half or so since the first quake. "How did she get through it? Did she have food source or water?" The Reporter asked.
"I just prayed," she said, "and God was with me."
Please join me today --whether it be the day of this second quake or any other day you happen upon this page-- in praying a rosary for the people of Haiti, for God's mercy on ALL the peoples of every nation in this beautiful, terrible, messy place called Earth.
What I found was what I knew I would see-- to be honest, not anything too far removed from the horror of daily life in Haiti as we've been praying for it over the years. A stronghold of poverty, anarchy, and devastation. I had cried and held my kids close. Maybe her stuffy nose was in solidarity with mine.
We were nursing. I felt myself falling asleep so I picked up my Mp3 player to stay awake. My heart sank. There on the little screen what I found was not the solace of my middle of the night quiet worship in the darkness, nor the peace of lauds. What I found was a flashing message-- an AP newswire breaking news alert: "Haiti rocked by second quake, Magnitude 6.0, moments ago." I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I caught my breath. It could not be so.
I gasped, audibly cried out for mercy. I hurriedly went to find my Father in Law, who never sleeps either, to tell him the news. I think I wanted to share my shock with someone- anyone- human. Someone who could "feel" the tangible darkness in the news that morning with me.
"Yeah, isn't that something?" He said. "And did you hear? My man Scott Brown won! Now we've got a chance to kill the Healthcare Reform."
I looked at him wide eyed. He didn't get it.
Was I crazy? Was it really not as significant as I thought?
I turned on the morning news, as low as can be so as not to wake the kids. I flipped through channels. Scott Brown, Scott Brown. Scott Brown. Red and Blue balloons floated in artificial glee around my TV Screen. Proud looking little girls shook powerful hands and their parents beamed. I felt crazy-- desperate to know if there was really something as ominous as I thought out there.
Finally, I landed on Fox news, where there was mention of the quake. 6.1. Devastation. My heart pounded in my chest the same way it had when the second plane had hit the World Trade Center. It was true.
Weeping I watched the little red stripe at the bottom of the screen ticking the same three pieces of information while the newscasters babbled with a seismologist about fault lines in America that "might" be next.
I googled "scripture encouragement disaster" and found page after page of ministries asking for money to send bibles to relief efforts. I turned to my faithful Psalm 90 (Psalm 91 in the protestant Bible:)
Book Of Psalms, 91 (Douay Rheims)
Qui habitat. The just is secure under the protection of God.
1 The praise of a canticle for David. He that dwelleth in the aid of the most High, shall abide under the protection of the God of Jacob. 2 He shall say to the Lord: Thou art my protector, and my refuge: my God, in him will I trust. 3 For he hath delivered me from the snare of the hunters: and from the sharp word. 4 He will overshadow thee with his shoulders: and under his wings thou shalt trust. 5 His truth shall compass thee with a shield: thou shalt not be afraid of the terror of the night.
6 Of the arrow that flieth in the day, of the business that walketh about in the dark: of invasion, or of the noonday devil. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand: but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 But thou shalt consider with thy eyes: and shalt see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou, O Lord, art my hope: thou hast made the most High thy refuge. 10 There shall no evil come to thee: nor shall the scourge come near thy dwelling.
11 For he hath given his angels charge over thee; to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 In their hands they shall bear thee up: lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt walk upon the asp and the basilisk: and thou shalt trample under foot the lion and the dragon. 14 Because he hoped in me I will deliver him: I will protect him because he hath known my name. 15 He shall cry to me, and I will hear him: I am with him in tribulation, I will deliver him, and I will glorify him.
16 I will fill him with length of days; and I will shew him my salvation.
The Screen changed to news about a sixty-something year old woman who had been pulled from the rubble and had been literally UNDER a rectory for the week and a half or so since the first quake. "How did she get through it? Did she have food source or water?" The Reporter asked.
"I just prayed," she said, "and God was with me."
Please join me today --whether it be the day of this second quake or any other day you happen upon this page-- in praying a rosary for the people of Haiti, for God's mercy on ALL the peoples of every nation in this beautiful, terrible, messy place called Earth.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A quick note: Is abortion biblical?
Recently an acquaintance posted an article she wanted me to read on my facebook page in a debate about abortion.
The article can be found here:
http://elroy.net/ehr/abortion.html
Because this guy seems to embody the kind of thinking that many people I know adopt when making abortion "ok" in their heads, I thought it would be good to issue a more public response.
My basic problem with it is this- he claims that disapproval of abortion is based on taking passages out of context. He then goes on to deconstruct them in a way that makes it obvious that he has no contextual biblical knowledge at all (he is simply widening the passage being considered and then taking THAT out of context.)
He follows that up by doing the exact thing he is harping on us about TO make his own argument that abortion is biblical- how can I take him seriously?
Further, his arrogance and rebellion against the Lordship of Christ shows in virtually every sentence.... But no where better than when he says that "most" Christians don't read the Bible for themselves. What an incredible claim to make.
The second thing is that even if someone DID feel that he had a point and that his argument held some weight, I would have to ask...What makes this guy more qualified than me or you or her to interpret the Bible correctly?
As a Catholic, I have 2000 years of unbroken apostolic succession from Christ Himself through Peter, the first human representative of the head of His Church on earth who have consistently held the same view on abortion, since before abortion was even "perfected" as a "procedure."
If interested, I would turn people to this link, which gives quotations from the writings of the earliest Christian Fathers about abortion: http://www.catholic.com/library/Abortion.asp
I would suggest a proper theological grounding by meditating on the Theology of the Body: http://www.theologyofthebody.net/...
And I would especially suggest that a person read Humanae Vitae, an encyclical written by Pope Paul VI which accurately predicted the demise of a society whose blatant immorality allows it to regulate birth.
http://www.ewtn.com/library/PROLIFE/PPAULPRO.TXT
Among other things, he predicted that infidelity and moral decline would be rampant, that society would lose respect for the woman, instead objectifying her. Looking around today this is an obvious scenario on which I could write books. He predicted that there would be an abuse of power by the government, (hellooooooo, Obama and more importantly, hellooo third world countries where sterilization is handed out like candy without even an explanation) And he predicted that man would feel he had unlimited dominion over his own body (IVF, sterilization, etc). All of his prophecies were chillingly accurate.
You can read the full text of humanae vitae on the Vatican website:
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
If I were asked to provide ONE Bible verse to support my stance on Abortion, I would cite many of the verses he attempted to deconstruct in his article for the reason that they are contextually accurate representations of God's great CARE for human life, even from before conception, as He "knows us" and "has great plans for us" individually.
But I would choose Deuteronomy 30:19 as my "it" verse. It says :
"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So CHOOSE LIFE in order that you may live, you and your descendants."
When we say "Choose Life" we are speaking the Word of God, which is always God's will for our lives. You are right in that it's not at all something that I would use to form an argument that the bible is pro-or anti-abortion (remember, I don't believe that the Bible is "crystal clear" on the subject but rather that it requires careful consideration and correct interpretation-- this is why I have the magesterium.)
Instead, I like using this verse to explain my stance because it represents God's whole view of our existence and freewill.
He gave us the choice between a blessing and a curse, and we must choose life- goodness-holiness etc for eternal life.
In the context of abortion, I think this is particularly appropriate because God is so clear in His word that the conception of a child is a BLESSING and not a curse, that rather, barrenness is a curse. Thus we can conclude from a contextual (whole bible) reading of this passage that God gives us the opportunity to say YES to His blessings-- to choose life-- and thus to propogate a culture of Life.
And I would lastly leave you with the inscription on a sign I saw at the march, held by a beautiful girl in a wheelchair who clearly suffered from some sort of serious palsy. Her sign read: "God does not make mistakes. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
The article can be found here:
http://elroy.net/ehr/abortion.html
Because this guy seems to embody the kind of thinking that many people I know adopt when making abortion "ok" in their heads, I thought it would be good to issue a more public response.
My basic problem with it is this- he claims that disapproval of abortion is based on taking passages out of context. He then goes on to deconstruct them in a way that makes it obvious that he has no contextual biblical knowledge at all (he is simply widening the passage being considered and then taking THAT out of context.)
He follows that up by doing the exact thing he is harping on us about TO make his own argument that abortion is biblical- how can I take him seriously?
Further, his arrogance and rebellion against the Lordship of Christ shows in virtually every sentence.... But no where better than when he says that "most" Christians don't read the Bible for themselves. What an incredible claim to make.
The second thing is that even if someone DID feel that he had a point and that his argument held some weight, I would have to ask...What makes this guy more qualified than me or you or her to interpret the Bible correctly?
As a Catholic, I have 2000 years of unbroken apostolic succession from Christ Himself through Peter, the first human representative of the head of His Church on earth who have consistently held the same view on abortion, since before abortion was even "perfected" as a "procedure."
If interested, I would turn people to this link, which gives quotations from the writings of the earliest Christian Fathers about abortion: http://www.catholic.com/library/Abortion.asp
I would suggest a proper theological grounding by meditating on the Theology of the Body: http://www.theologyofthebody.net/...
And I would especially suggest that a person read Humanae Vitae, an encyclical written by Pope Paul VI which accurately predicted the demise of a society whose blatant immorality allows it to regulate birth.
http://www.ewtn.com/library/PROLIFE/PPAULPRO.TXT
Among other things, he predicted that infidelity and moral decline would be rampant, that society would lose respect for the woman, instead objectifying her. Looking around today this is an obvious scenario on which I could write books. He predicted that there would be an abuse of power by the government, (hellooooooo, Obama and more importantly, hellooo third world countries where sterilization is handed out like candy without even an explanation) And he predicted that man would feel he had unlimited dominion over his own body (IVF, sterilization, etc). All of his prophecies were chillingly accurate.
You can read the full text of humanae vitae on the Vatican website:
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
If I were asked to provide ONE Bible verse to support my stance on Abortion, I would cite many of the verses he attempted to deconstruct in his article for the reason that they are contextually accurate representations of God's great CARE for human life, even from before conception, as He "knows us" and "has great plans for us" individually.
But I would choose Deuteronomy 30:19 as my "it" verse. It says :
"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So CHOOSE LIFE in order that you may live, you and your descendants."
When we say "Choose Life" we are speaking the Word of God, which is always God's will for our lives. You are right in that it's not at all something that I would use to form an argument that the bible is pro-or anti-abortion (remember, I don't believe that the Bible is "crystal clear" on the subject but rather that it requires careful consideration and correct interpretation-- this is why I have the magesterium.)
Instead, I like using this verse to explain my stance because it represents God's whole view of our existence and freewill.
He gave us the choice between a blessing and a curse, and we must choose life- goodness-holiness etc for eternal life.
In the context of abortion, I think this is particularly appropriate because God is so clear in His word that the conception of a child is a BLESSING and not a curse, that rather, barrenness is a curse. Thus we can conclude from a contextual (whole bible) reading of this passage that God gives us the opportunity to say YES to His blessings-- to choose life-- and thus to propogate a culture of Life.
And I would lastly leave you with the inscription on a sign I saw at the march, held by a beautiful girl in a wheelchair who clearly suffered from some sort of serious palsy. Her sign read: "God does not make mistakes. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Family Altar
Back when I was a protestant, the "family altar" was something I recommended to everyone-- it was a period of time in which the family got together to do a devotional reading and pray together.
Now that I'm a Catholic, the "family altar" is just about twenty steps cooler-- it's an actual piece of furniture on which we keep various sacramentals and pieces of holy art which incite in us a firm desire to be holy. We gather around this family altar to pray each night (most nights-- some nights I just pray with the kids around their beds when I'm tired.) Everybody brings something to it and everybody takes something away from it. And I'm sure as our family changes and grows and matures, our altar will do the same.
The idea appeals to us for many reasons. First, I'm a big believer in sacramentals, having seen firsthand the additional prayer power that they bring in praying for deliverance or healing for people. We believed in sacramentals as protestants...giving someone a prayer cloth that was prayed over and touched by a particular annointed "saint" (hehe) or using a well-worn and prayed over bible over a shiny new one. Catholic sacramentals are that times ten: they are means of grace instituted by The Church (as opposed to sacraments, means of grace instituted by CHRIST) and which have been proven, time and time again, to be effective WHEN USED IN FAITH and not superstition. Nuance.
Second, we are both Church art fanatics-- one of the best things about coming home to Rome has been the pure joy we experience when surrounded by Holy Art and Architecture (hard to find in many parishes these days-- ahem. But I'll let that lie for now.) Having beautiful Catholic "things" in every nook and cranny of our home reminds us of Christ at every turn.
Third, we have kids. And kids need pictures to help them understand words.
I've got lots of plans for our family altar, which has already changed so much in the past few years. But for now, I thought I'd share the way it looks with you, and ask you to share yours with me!
Each of these items has a personal meaning to one of us and is completely unique and amazing. Some were special gifts and others we selected or found. Mostly, we keep those things which elevate our souls when we gaze upon them as we pray together.
This is the whole thing. It sits on a shelf made my my Father in Law... a bookshelf with bizarre sized shelving. Turns out it's perfect for our needs right now so that's what we used.
The painting in the top left corner was a gift from a priest friend an another friend for my husband's coming into the Church. It is the coronation of Mary, and one of our favorite paintings.
The top shelf has the major "must have's" of every family altar.
A statue of Jesus, and a Statue of the Blessed Mother. I placed Mary behind Jesus and turned slightly towards Him so as to subtly catechize people (I have lots of protestant friends who come over and feel very strongly about "idols" out of statues etc so I want to make sure that nothing there could be perceived as somehow lessening Christ or cheapening Faith.)
I chose sacred heart Jesus-- he came to us as a gift from a protestant friend when wayne came into the Church and we like the intensity of his peaceful gaze.
The Mary I chose is Our Lady of Grace... I tend to think this is her "ultimate" role and one which I so desperately need--- the mediatrix of grace by leading us to Jesus.
They stand on a card game box that I've turned over, and I used it because of the world map theme all over it, to remind us of the universality of faith and the gospel message. It has handy little drawers to keep holy cards for various feast days that go by, too.
Behind them is a set of three Jewish candles given to me by a dear friend and my eldest's godmother to remind us of our roots and from whence we came. Behind THEM is a set of votive candles (sacred heart and immaculate heart) as well as a holy card with Angels adoring the Eucharist, to remind us of the Source and Summit of our faith. Set between them is a reliquary in which used to reside a relic of St Therese of Lisieux. It now contains a brown scapular made on Mount Carmel by Carmelites who have had it blessed with water from the spring of Elijah. Awesome. It sits in there to remind me of my Carmelite vocation, and also kind of in a -break-glass-in-case-of-emergency way :P
On either side are the Holy Family. St Joseph holds the infant Jesus and the icon reads "Protector of Carmel." It was made by Carmelite monks and it is beautiful, complete with the shield of Carmel.
The Icon of the Blessed Mother is the icon that stood by my Grandfather when he passed, and was miraculously sent to me in a way that let me know that God was near. It means the world to me.
On the second shelf is a photograph of the Holy Father. I think it's important to see him there because it reminds me that we have a pope, that we have perfect unity of the faith, that we are One behind him. I love having a pope, and I think about what our priests endure daily as far as spiritual attacks go and can only shudder when I think about what our popes must endure. Having a photo of him up there ensures that I remember to pray for him.
Next to him is a votive candle my kids got for their baptism last easter. It says: "one faith, one hope, one baptism." I keep our rosaries inside it so that if other people come over and we need to pray a rosary we've got enough to go around. Rosaries are special to me and every one I have tells a story.
In the back of the shelf is a series of holy oils and blessed and exorcised salts etc that we use in deliverance ministry. In front of them is the new acquisition: a statue of St Brighid that I brought home from the March for life yesterday. She is so special to me and I LOVE having a statue of her to remind me that she is praying for me at any given moment.
On either side are icons. One is Blessed Mariam, the little Arab. She is my Carmelite patroness and one of my favorite Carmelite saints. The other was a gift and I don't know who he is-- I haven't been able to figure it out. Because it is pretty nondescript and I have a big devotion to the prophet Elijah (because of the Carmel factor) I just pretend it's Elijah. Who knows, maybe it is. Next to them is a statue of St Michael.
On the other side are the books I use the most when I pray with the kiddos....a Treasury of Novenas and a Book of Catholic Prayer, alongside a new one I just picked up called the Scapular Prayer book, which is pretty stunning. On top is a cross that belongs to the kiddos and celebrates the Holy Trinity.
The next shelf down has the Blessed Mother and Jesus, a GORGEOUS icon about the priesthood that reminds me to pray for priests, and a St Michael the Archangel icon which has been extremely effective in the fight against a particularly nasty demonic infestation we once prayed over.
The statues are St Peter (Wayne's patron and the first pope) and a GORGEOUS statue of the Blessed Mother and Jesus. I draped a small brown scapular over them to remind me, again, of Carmel.
The bottom shelf is the kiddos.
I gave them each a bible and a prayer book and they take different things and switch it out periodically. A few weeks ago it had a lego-type house which they said was a Church and some animals for baby Jesus. Now it's just the plastic statues of a couple saints with a picture in the back of a family praying at dinner, and a jar my dad made in which they keep their rosaries next to another crucifix they like.
I have a portable altar I will share another day that I bring with me when I pray for people in need of deliverance. I call it my kit, because I'm a huge nerd. (DH and Matt were calling me Egon all morning after a trippy incident.)I keep my relics in there.
My dream is to one day have a kneeler I can place in front of the family altar. And a shrine towards the front entrance of the house where I can have a statue of the blessed Virgin, next to some pamphlets about the rosary people can take when they go.
Now, lets see yours!
Now that I'm a Catholic, the "family altar" is just about twenty steps cooler-- it's an actual piece of furniture on which we keep various sacramentals and pieces of holy art which incite in us a firm desire to be holy. We gather around this family altar to pray each night (most nights-- some nights I just pray with the kids around their beds when I'm tired.) Everybody brings something to it and everybody takes something away from it. And I'm sure as our family changes and grows and matures, our altar will do the same.
The idea appeals to us for many reasons. First, I'm a big believer in sacramentals, having seen firsthand the additional prayer power that they bring in praying for deliverance or healing for people. We believed in sacramentals as protestants...giving someone a prayer cloth that was prayed over and touched by a particular annointed "saint" (hehe) or using a well-worn and prayed over bible over a shiny new one. Catholic sacramentals are that times ten: they are means of grace instituted by The Church (as opposed to sacraments, means of grace instituted by CHRIST) and which have been proven, time and time again, to be effective WHEN USED IN FAITH and not superstition. Nuance.
Second, we are both Church art fanatics-- one of the best things about coming home to Rome has been the pure joy we experience when surrounded by Holy Art and Architecture (hard to find in many parishes these days-- ahem. But I'll let that lie for now.) Having beautiful Catholic "things" in every nook and cranny of our home reminds us of Christ at every turn.
Third, we have kids. And kids need pictures to help them understand words.
I've got lots of plans for our family altar, which has already changed so much in the past few years. But for now, I thought I'd share the way it looks with you, and ask you to share yours with me!
Each of these items has a personal meaning to one of us and is completely unique and amazing. Some were special gifts and others we selected or found. Mostly, we keep those things which elevate our souls when we gaze upon them as we pray together.
This is the whole thing. It sits on a shelf made my my Father in Law... a bookshelf with bizarre sized shelving. Turns out it's perfect for our needs right now so that's what we used.
The painting in the top left corner was a gift from a priest friend an another friend for my husband's coming into the Church. It is the coronation of Mary, and one of our favorite paintings.
The top shelf has the major "must have's" of every family altar.
A statue of Jesus, and a Statue of the Blessed Mother. I placed Mary behind Jesus and turned slightly towards Him so as to subtly catechize people (I have lots of protestant friends who come over and feel very strongly about "idols" out of statues etc so I want to make sure that nothing there could be perceived as somehow lessening Christ or cheapening Faith.)
I chose sacred heart Jesus-- he came to us as a gift from a protestant friend when wayne came into the Church and we like the intensity of his peaceful gaze.
The Mary I chose is Our Lady of Grace... I tend to think this is her "ultimate" role and one which I so desperately need--- the mediatrix of grace by leading us to Jesus.
They stand on a card game box that I've turned over, and I used it because of the world map theme all over it, to remind us of the universality of faith and the gospel message. It has handy little drawers to keep holy cards for various feast days that go by, too.
Behind them is a set of three Jewish candles given to me by a dear friend and my eldest's godmother to remind us of our roots and from whence we came. Behind THEM is a set of votive candles (sacred heart and immaculate heart) as well as a holy card with Angels adoring the Eucharist, to remind us of the Source and Summit of our faith. Set between them is a reliquary in which used to reside a relic of St Therese of Lisieux. It now contains a brown scapular made on Mount Carmel by Carmelites who have had it blessed with water from the spring of Elijah. Awesome. It sits in there to remind me of my Carmelite vocation, and also kind of in a -break-glass-in-case-of-emergency way :P
On either side are the Holy Family. St Joseph holds the infant Jesus and the icon reads "Protector of Carmel." It was made by Carmelite monks and it is beautiful, complete with the shield of Carmel.
The Icon of the Blessed Mother is the icon that stood by my Grandfather when he passed, and was miraculously sent to me in a way that let me know that God was near. It means the world to me.
On the second shelf is a photograph of the Holy Father. I think it's important to see him there because it reminds me that we have a pope, that we have perfect unity of the faith, that we are One behind him. I love having a pope, and I think about what our priests endure daily as far as spiritual attacks go and can only shudder when I think about what our popes must endure. Having a photo of him up there ensures that I remember to pray for him.
Next to him is a votive candle my kids got for their baptism last easter. It says: "one faith, one hope, one baptism." I keep our rosaries inside it so that if other people come over and we need to pray a rosary we've got enough to go around. Rosaries are special to me and every one I have tells a story.
In the back of the shelf is a series of holy oils and blessed and exorcised salts etc that we use in deliverance ministry. In front of them is the new acquisition: a statue of St Brighid that I brought home from the March for life yesterday. She is so special to me and I LOVE having a statue of her to remind me that she is praying for me at any given moment.
On either side are icons. One is Blessed Mariam, the little Arab. She is my Carmelite patroness and one of my favorite Carmelite saints. The other was a gift and I don't know who he is-- I haven't been able to figure it out. Because it is pretty nondescript and I have a big devotion to the prophet Elijah (because of the Carmel factor) I just pretend it's Elijah. Who knows, maybe it is. Next to them is a statue of St Michael.
On the other side are the books I use the most when I pray with the kiddos....a Treasury of Novenas and a Book of Catholic Prayer, alongside a new one I just picked up called the Scapular Prayer book, which is pretty stunning. On top is a cross that belongs to the kiddos and celebrates the Holy Trinity.
The next shelf down has the Blessed Mother and Jesus, a GORGEOUS icon about the priesthood that reminds me to pray for priests, and a St Michael the Archangel icon which has been extremely effective in the fight against a particularly nasty demonic infestation we once prayed over.
The statues are St Peter (Wayne's patron and the first pope) and a GORGEOUS statue of the Blessed Mother and Jesus. I draped a small brown scapular over them to remind me, again, of Carmel.
The bottom shelf is the kiddos.
I gave them each a bible and a prayer book and they take different things and switch it out periodically. A few weeks ago it had a lego-type house which they said was a Church and some animals for baby Jesus. Now it's just the plastic statues of a couple saints with a picture in the back of a family praying at dinner, and a jar my dad made in which they keep their rosaries next to another crucifix they like.
I have a portable altar I will share another day that I bring with me when I pray for people in need of deliverance. I call it my kit, because I'm a huge nerd. (DH and Matt were calling me Egon all morning after a trippy incident.)I keep my relics in there.
My dream is to one day have a kneeler I can place in front of the family altar. And a shrine towards the front entrance of the house where I can have a statue of the blessed Virgin, next to some pamphlets about the rosary people can take when they go.
Now, lets see yours!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Super small person, super big spirit
My eldest reminds me a lot of me. Which is why I think she is so hard to parent-- because she demonstrates a lot of the traits I struggle to tame in myself and because she seems to have a grasp on God that very few kids have-- she definitely sees God in her microwave too. This kind of overwhelms me because she sometimes sees the things of God far more clearly than I do. I'm supposed to be leading her to Him but sometimes, many times, she is the one doing the leading. It also makes it hard because I empathize with her-- I remember feeling a lot of the the things she is feeling and I wish I could spare her the hard lessons!
I am sensitive. People have always thought of me as emotional and easily overwhelmed and stressed out... but internally, there is a lot more going on in me than I notice visibly in other people. If I am in an environment that is unfamiliar, I am hyper aware of the things around me: noises, feelings, smells.... It's enough to cause me to lose concentration in a dinner conversation when I hear someone else's fork and knife making tinging noises on their plate. My eye sight is bad so I compensate with noticing other things. I get a "nervous" feeling often when something is not right in a room I'm in. When I was a kid, I was easily terrified. When I was a teenager, I "felt" things in rooms and buildings that other people rarely noticed. Once I came to Jesus, I gained a strong, internal alarm that alerted me to some things or people I needed to be on guard about. I later learned that this was called "discernment" and was a gift of the holy spirit. It literally took years to learn how to control the inner input levels---how to tune stimulus out or, conversely, how to tune in. And it still sometimes gets away from me...my husband and I experience identical supernatural or paranormal phenomena in two very different ways, for example. While he has a tendency to acknowledge that "something is going on," and then move on, I remain stuck in the "feeling" of it and continue to experience sensory input for quite a while even if I don't want to because it feels like too much.
It's sometimes hard to parent when you are a believer because you don't always trust your own instincts. Or at least, you question your trust of your own instinct... if that makes sense. I believe in the spiritual, in angels and demons. But I am also a rational human being. If my child is afraid of a ghost, I'm going to treat it as I would any investigation: to look first to what is in her direct environment. Did she overhear us talking about ghosts? Did she see a picture or a movie about a ghost somewhere? Did her grandpa tell her a ghost story when I wasn't around? If I can effectively rule out all other possibilities I can at least feel comfortable entertaining the idea that we are dealing with spiritual phenomena...but not before. In which case the next big step is really just to investigate how to pray for her.
Which brings me back to her. I mentioned before that she has an uncanny knack for spiritual things-- and why should I be surprised?
Before she was born she was prophesied over-- that she would be like an olympic torch, that other people would light their flame of faith on hers. (Exciting once I learned about St Brighid's flame!)
This is the girl who, without any exposure to Mary, saw Mary over our dining room table holding the infant Jesus, and who later discovered the Catholic Girl's Guide in the sandbox which, among other combined "God moments" helped us both to cross the Tiber.
I'll give a couple of examples of what daily life with her is like. And before I do, I will say this: Everyone thinks their kid is "special." I get that. And that's not what this is, although, of course, I think she's special. :P My point is that she often does stuff that just leaves me dumbfounded-- and those around me as well.
So, for example. The other day she was worried about giants. She told me that she could hear the giants in the backyard. Her grandpa immediately jumped in and told her that egg nog was a giant deterrent (couldn't have picked water, huh, Grandpa? What am I going to do when the holidays are over? :P)
She gulped down a whole glass of eggnog and then said to me: "I still hear him in the garden. I hear a lot of noises. There is a dog out there too."
I explained to her that sometimes we had to ignore things we hear (she's very sensitive to sound, going as far as covering her ears at parades and movies and getting visibly distressed over the volume level.) Then I thought twice, not wanting her to totally grow to "tune out" everything either-- but rather to grow to learn how to tune in or tune out as needed. Sometimes our senses are telling us something we need to know-- alerting us. I didn't want her to drown that out.
So, long story short I gave her a child-sized version of tuning out and tuning in and we played the game for a few minutes. Satisfied that she felt she had a little more control over the input levels in her senses, I walked off to do some dishes. She surprised the heck out of me by coming into the kitchen and saying: "Mommy, my eye TV (this is what she calls her thoughts) says that the giant is only in my imagination, but that he isn't what I need to worry about." I was surprised, since that isn't language I normally use with her, but I just smiled and said encouragingly: "You're right. He's made up." Then she was quiet for a moment before telling me: "But if I DO have to worry about a giant, then I will call David. He's my favorite saint because he killed a giant and he will do that here." It is uncanny to me how she just picks this stuff up.
Yesterday I was thumbing through a Yoga Journal mag before laying down to nap.
(note to readers who don't know this about me- I practice sanctified yoga. Fully believing that, like Christmas trees, Christians are called to sanctify the world by taking what IS good out of evil and giving it a facelift through Christ. I have no problem calling it "yoga" although I realize that many of my Christian sisters and brothers prefer to leave yoga out of the picture and simply call what I'm describing "stretching and meditating on the Word of God." I am fully aware of the whole "stay away from yoga" thing and I think it's a perfectly valid "fear" that people have. I am confronted often with people who suffer from demonic attacks due to a mindless yoga practice.
However, to those with discernment, there is much good that can come from a regular yoga practice - and even from Yoga Journal! I just recommend that you pray for the HOLY Spirit to enlighten your mind and protect you from evil before you dive in and believe it all. I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but feel that in light of "the War on Yoga" and the fact that I blog publicly both about my yoga practice AND my deliverance ministry, it warrants a brief footnote.)
So, I was zipping through this mag and Annika came up next to me and stops me on a page and points out a picture of Ganesh. (yes, I have books wiht pictures of Ganesh in my house.... No, they don't cause demonic infestions. But maybe in YOUR house, they might. ;))
"Who's THAT, mommy?"
"It's just an elephant."
"No, why is he green? Why does he have that thing on his forehead?"
"I don't know, sweetie. Somebody painted him."
"Well I don't think he's a part of our communion," She says to me. I raise an eyebrow.
"No?"
"Nope. I don't think he's a part of our communion and I don't like him and I don't think he's allowed in here. And if he comes in, my daddy will see him no matter what he looks like and he will shoot him." (her daddy is the one who knows all there is to know about Eastern Religion.)
Hmmm. I didn't want to pry, so I just said: "That's right, sweetie." But how incredible that, at three, she GETS that the demonic god Ganesh--yeah, I said it-- is certainly NOT a part of our communion (how does she even understand the application of this word?), and that he is certainly NOT welcome here, and that her daddy will recognize him in any form he takes. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into her comment... who knows? To me, it was almost mystical.
Then there's tonight. I gave her a few of my old "Martine" books to read before sleeping and she landed on "Martine et les quatre saisons."
A few minutes after correcting her for getting out of bed, I told her: Now, I'm leaving and I do NOT want to hear your voice again until morning, do you understand me?"
"Mommy, yes, mommy!" She shouted gleefully (we've been playing drill sgt and new recruits lately :P)
"Is there anything else you want to know or talk about before I go?"
"Yes," She says to me.
"What's that?"
She opens the book to a page where Martine and a little boy are squatting near a river which is coming down from an alpy looking mountain, and where a goat is frolicking happily around the adjoining pasture. It could have been a scene taken straight out of my childhood.
"Tonton Sean can't sleep right now and he is thinking about you and him being children together right here."
Tonton Sean is my brother, Seanessey, who we haven't talked about in months. He is deployed in Iraq again and having a pretty rotten deployment this time around. She and I had never discussed this memory or much of anything about when Seanessey and I grew up.
I was totally incredulous. Where did that come from?? I could feel the tears coming on so I just went out into the living room with a stern look saying : "Go to sleep." I wondered if, indeed, Sean WAS sitting halfway across the globe trying to sleep and thinking about us being kids in the French Alps? It seemed likely. I told my husband about it and he said: "She's just a little prophetic bean. I don't know what to say."
Another time, a dear friend of ours was dealing with her husband's deployment. He is an air force pilot. Out of NOWHERE she began asking if we could pray for him together and kept it up all on her own during his entire deployment. And although we had never specifically discussed with her that they had been trying to conceive, one night she looked at me with a serious face when I asked who she wanted to pray for.
"Let's pray for Annie, momma. She wants to have a baby in her belly." I was breathless.
It isn't always such a blessing-- this also means she is particularly sensitive to negative spiritual stuff. I remember a particularly difficult stretch with her when we lived in our old house and were helping two couples through a particularly intense demonic situation, of which she was absolutely blissfully unaware. We had been sitting in the house with a priest friend and discussing the situation. My husband was talking, and I got this sick sense in the pit of my stomach that he needed to STOP talking-- but there was no stopping him. The priest and I exchanged a brief glance and I wondered if my husband was making him MORE nervous than he already was. Just then, we heard a loud, distinct scrape and a bang. My husband didn't even notice, but the priest and I both jumped. I begged my husband to go in the kids room and see what it was, and he looked at me like I was the biggest nerd ever.
"Seriously?" He joked. "You heard a nooise?? WooooOOOOOoooooOOOOO."
I snapped at him:"I'm not playing. It was crazy loud. Get IN there and see if they are OK."
Father looked over at him with the most serious face I've ever seen him make and said: "it sounded like the dresser lifted off the floor and came crashing down." I agreed. He went in there and couldn't find a thing.
Later that night, we were awakened by my daughter, who was screaming with all her little might that bugs were crawling all over her.
Now, keep in mind, we live in the south and its entirely possible that a cockroach could have been on her. But we examined her and found nothing. The entire night, she stayed awake, even though she was safely snuggled between us, and every time she drifted into sleep she would screech that bugs were on her or pulling her legs. this went on for weeks thereafter, no matter what we did, and one day abruptly ended with no warning. She "slept" with us the whole time.
Another time during this wierd "bug" phase, she was lying in bed. She has a habit of getting VERY focused on something visually in order to drift off to sleep. This is important because it calms all her other senses and helps her to zone out. At the time, we had a night light that was a representation of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. So there she was, staring intently at it by her face, just drifting off, when a GIANT bug began to creep out from behind the nightlight. Then another. Then another. I'm not two, but as a full fledged adult if this would have happened to me I would have totally spazzed out. And this kind of thing just HAD to happen right while she was being "attacked" by bugs every night? Hmmm. During this same time period I happened to see a cockroach infestation all over a baptismal font and altar in a haunted parish. Two reknowned demonologists confirmed for me my suspicion that there was some possibility of demonic interference there with the bugs-- after all, demons can enter Swine, right? I feel certain that this incident coincided with my daughter's experience right on time for me to "grasp" this reality. I don't see these occurences as "accidents," although I'm certain many of my readers will.
Another time I was having a problem with a nasty feeling of dread I was getting from a particular corner of my living room in the middle of the night while up nursing. I finally went to bed and began the nightly dance I do: Nurse the baby. Put baby to bed. Tuck a cold toddler back into bed. Pee. Lie down. Get up ten minutes later to soothe a fussy baby. Lie down. Get up to help another toddler pee. Lie down. Get up to soothe said toddler back to sleep. Etc. Anyways, most of the night while I was doing all this I felt very uneasy, and this is unusual for my house. I simply felt, for lack of a better term, "watched" by a presence. It followed me from room to room and I just couldn't shake it, despite a middle of the night rosary. My daughter ended up sleeping in our room frpm 4ish on with her dad, while I kept the baby and the other toddler content and moved from room to room. At six or so I fell into my bed with my daughter and husband and began to close my eyes. My husband nudged me and said with a funny voice: "Annika, tell mommy what you've been telling daddy."
I looked at her.
"There's something following you." She said. I got chills. He told me that she had come to bed with him and insisted that she saw something walking with mommy. All I could do was cross myself. He later said that she was seeing the shadow of the flag outside our window. Who knows?
There have been many negative situations like this, but I like to focus on the positive. Yesterday morning as I was making breakfast and asking her what she wanted, (and consequentially, internally bemoaning the fact that I couldn't go to daily mass because we were both cranky from lack of sleep) she paused in my kitchen and said: "Mommy, we give God bread and He turns it into Jesus and makes it bread from heaven and then he tells us to eat it."
"Yes! You're right, he does. It's called "The Eucharist."" I said.
"We need to eat some soon. I think we will feel better."
I could go on forever with these little stories, but I think you get the idea...The point I'm making is that parenting a child, when one has this extrasensory spiritual perception, is truly challenging. I always want to be logical and balanced, and I NEVER want to project anything onto her. sure, she seems to understand communion perfectly, but when I ask her if she's excited about making her first communion she tells me she thinks she will put on a dress and marry Ishod (her brother) :P
My husband and I have not yet broached the subject of spiritual warfare with her in any way other than to tell her that if she's scared or nervous Jesus is with her and all she has to do is talk to Him about it and use His name. I find it astonishing that she can, at her young age, "get" spiritual truths in such a profound, life-changing way, as well as download sensory information that is often just surprisingly accurate, alongside having these deeply freaky paranormal experiences. I have no idea how to parent her, I just keep plowing along and hoping for the best, trying to let her know at every turn that she is loved beyond all measure. I imagine her powerful reactions (alternating between blissful obedience and contentment and absolutely mind-boggling fits which defy the imagination) have a lot to do with the powerful pull over her soul. I pray she wins the battle every day.
I am sensitive. People have always thought of me as emotional and easily overwhelmed and stressed out... but internally, there is a lot more going on in me than I notice visibly in other people. If I am in an environment that is unfamiliar, I am hyper aware of the things around me: noises, feelings, smells.... It's enough to cause me to lose concentration in a dinner conversation when I hear someone else's fork and knife making tinging noises on their plate. My eye sight is bad so I compensate with noticing other things. I get a "nervous" feeling often when something is not right in a room I'm in. When I was a kid, I was easily terrified. When I was a teenager, I "felt" things in rooms and buildings that other people rarely noticed. Once I came to Jesus, I gained a strong, internal alarm that alerted me to some things or people I needed to be on guard about. I later learned that this was called "discernment" and was a gift of the holy spirit. It literally took years to learn how to control the inner input levels---how to tune stimulus out or, conversely, how to tune in. And it still sometimes gets away from me...my husband and I experience identical supernatural or paranormal phenomena in two very different ways, for example. While he has a tendency to acknowledge that "something is going on," and then move on, I remain stuck in the "feeling" of it and continue to experience sensory input for quite a while even if I don't want to because it feels like too much.
It's sometimes hard to parent when you are a believer because you don't always trust your own instincts. Or at least, you question your trust of your own instinct... if that makes sense. I believe in the spiritual, in angels and demons. But I am also a rational human being. If my child is afraid of a ghost, I'm going to treat it as I would any investigation: to look first to what is in her direct environment. Did she overhear us talking about ghosts? Did she see a picture or a movie about a ghost somewhere? Did her grandpa tell her a ghost story when I wasn't around? If I can effectively rule out all other possibilities I can at least feel comfortable entertaining the idea that we are dealing with spiritual phenomena...but not before. In which case the next big step is really just to investigate how to pray for her.
Which brings me back to her. I mentioned before that she has an uncanny knack for spiritual things-- and why should I be surprised?
Before she was born she was prophesied over-- that she would be like an olympic torch, that other people would light their flame of faith on hers. (Exciting once I learned about St Brighid's flame!)
This is the girl who, without any exposure to Mary, saw Mary over our dining room table holding the infant Jesus, and who later discovered the Catholic Girl's Guide in the sandbox which, among other combined "God moments" helped us both to cross the Tiber.
I'll give a couple of examples of what daily life with her is like. And before I do, I will say this: Everyone thinks their kid is "special." I get that. And that's not what this is, although, of course, I think she's special. :P My point is that she often does stuff that just leaves me dumbfounded-- and those around me as well.
So, for example. The other day she was worried about giants. She told me that she could hear the giants in the backyard. Her grandpa immediately jumped in and told her that egg nog was a giant deterrent (couldn't have picked water, huh, Grandpa? What am I going to do when the holidays are over? :P)
She gulped down a whole glass of eggnog and then said to me: "I still hear him in the garden. I hear a lot of noises. There is a dog out there too."
I explained to her that sometimes we had to ignore things we hear (she's very sensitive to sound, going as far as covering her ears at parades and movies and getting visibly distressed over the volume level.) Then I thought twice, not wanting her to totally grow to "tune out" everything either-- but rather to grow to learn how to tune in or tune out as needed. Sometimes our senses are telling us something we need to know-- alerting us. I didn't want her to drown that out.
So, long story short I gave her a child-sized version of tuning out and tuning in and we played the game for a few minutes. Satisfied that she felt she had a little more control over the input levels in her senses, I walked off to do some dishes. She surprised the heck out of me by coming into the kitchen and saying: "Mommy, my eye TV (this is what she calls her thoughts) says that the giant is only in my imagination, but that he isn't what I need to worry about." I was surprised, since that isn't language I normally use with her, but I just smiled and said encouragingly: "You're right. He's made up." Then she was quiet for a moment before telling me: "But if I DO have to worry about a giant, then I will call David. He's my favorite saint because he killed a giant and he will do that here." It is uncanny to me how she just picks this stuff up.
Yesterday I was thumbing through a Yoga Journal mag before laying down to nap.
(note to readers who don't know this about me- I practice sanctified yoga. Fully believing that, like Christmas trees, Christians are called to sanctify the world by taking what IS good out of evil and giving it a facelift through Christ. I have no problem calling it "yoga" although I realize that many of my Christian sisters and brothers prefer to leave yoga out of the picture and simply call what I'm describing "stretching and meditating on the Word of God." I am fully aware of the whole "stay away from yoga" thing and I think it's a perfectly valid "fear" that people have. I am confronted often with people who suffer from demonic attacks due to a mindless yoga practice.
However, to those with discernment, there is much good that can come from a regular yoga practice - and even from Yoga Journal! I just recommend that you pray for the HOLY Spirit to enlighten your mind and protect you from evil before you dive in and believe it all. I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but feel that in light of "the War on Yoga" and the fact that I blog publicly both about my yoga practice AND my deliverance ministry, it warrants a brief footnote.)
So, I was zipping through this mag and Annika came up next to me and stops me on a page and points out a picture of Ganesh. (yes, I have books wiht pictures of Ganesh in my house.... No, they don't cause demonic infestions. But maybe in YOUR house, they might. ;))
"Who's THAT, mommy?"
"It's just an elephant."
"No, why is he green? Why does he have that thing on his forehead?"
"I don't know, sweetie. Somebody painted him."
"Well I don't think he's a part of our communion," She says to me. I raise an eyebrow.
"No?"
"Nope. I don't think he's a part of our communion and I don't like him and I don't think he's allowed in here. And if he comes in, my daddy will see him no matter what he looks like and he will shoot him." (her daddy is the one who knows all there is to know about Eastern Religion.)
Hmmm. I didn't want to pry, so I just said: "That's right, sweetie." But how incredible that, at three, she GETS that the demonic god Ganesh--yeah, I said it-- is certainly NOT a part of our communion (how does she even understand the application of this word?), and that he is certainly NOT welcome here, and that her daddy will recognize him in any form he takes. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into her comment... who knows? To me, it was almost mystical.
Then there's tonight. I gave her a few of my old "Martine" books to read before sleeping and she landed on "Martine et les quatre saisons."
A few minutes after correcting her for getting out of bed, I told her: Now, I'm leaving and I do NOT want to hear your voice again until morning, do you understand me?"
"Mommy, yes, mommy!" She shouted gleefully (we've been playing drill sgt and new recruits lately :P)
"Is there anything else you want to know or talk about before I go?"
"Yes," She says to me.
"What's that?"
She opens the book to a page where Martine and a little boy are squatting near a river which is coming down from an alpy looking mountain, and where a goat is frolicking happily around the adjoining pasture. It could have been a scene taken straight out of my childhood.
"Tonton Sean can't sleep right now and he is thinking about you and him being children together right here."
Tonton Sean is my brother, Seanessey, who we haven't talked about in months. He is deployed in Iraq again and having a pretty rotten deployment this time around. She and I had never discussed this memory or much of anything about when Seanessey and I grew up.
I was totally incredulous. Where did that come from?? I could feel the tears coming on so I just went out into the living room with a stern look saying : "Go to sleep." I wondered if, indeed, Sean WAS sitting halfway across the globe trying to sleep and thinking about us being kids in the French Alps? It seemed likely. I told my husband about it and he said: "She's just a little prophetic bean. I don't know what to say."
Another time, a dear friend of ours was dealing with her husband's deployment. He is an air force pilot. Out of NOWHERE she began asking if we could pray for him together and kept it up all on her own during his entire deployment. And although we had never specifically discussed with her that they had been trying to conceive, one night she looked at me with a serious face when I asked who she wanted to pray for.
"Let's pray for Annie, momma. She wants to have a baby in her belly." I was breathless.
It isn't always such a blessing-- this also means she is particularly sensitive to negative spiritual stuff. I remember a particularly difficult stretch with her when we lived in our old house and were helping two couples through a particularly intense demonic situation, of which she was absolutely blissfully unaware. We had been sitting in the house with a priest friend and discussing the situation. My husband was talking, and I got this sick sense in the pit of my stomach that he needed to STOP talking-- but there was no stopping him. The priest and I exchanged a brief glance and I wondered if my husband was making him MORE nervous than he already was. Just then, we heard a loud, distinct scrape and a bang. My husband didn't even notice, but the priest and I both jumped. I begged my husband to go in the kids room and see what it was, and he looked at me like I was the biggest nerd ever.
"Seriously?" He joked. "You heard a nooise?? WooooOOOOOoooooOOOOO."
I snapped at him:"I'm not playing. It was crazy loud. Get IN there and see if they are OK."
Father looked over at him with the most serious face I've ever seen him make and said: "it sounded like the dresser lifted off the floor and came crashing down." I agreed. He went in there and couldn't find a thing.
Later that night, we were awakened by my daughter, who was screaming with all her little might that bugs were crawling all over her.
Now, keep in mind, we live in the south and its entirely possible that a cockroach could have been on her. But we examined her and found nothing. The entire night, she stayed awake, even though she was safely snuggled between us, and every time she drifted into sleep she would screech that bugs were on her or pulling her legs. this went on for weeks thereafter, no matter what we did, and one day abruptly ended with no warning. She "slept" with us the whole time.
Another time during this wierd "bug" phase, she was lying in bed. She has a habit of getting VERY focused on something visually in order to drift off to sleep. This is important because it calms all her other senses and helps her to zone out. At the time, we had a night light that was a representation of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. So there she was, staring intently at it by her face, just drifting off, when a GIANT bug began to creep out from behind the nightlight. Then another. Then another. I'm not two, but as a full fledged adult if this would have happened to me I would have totally spazzed out. And this kind of thing just HAD to happen right while she was being "attacked" by bugs every night? Hmmm. During this same time period I happened to see a cockroach infestation all over a baptismal font and altar in a haunted parish. Two reknowned demonologists confirmed for me my suspicion that there was some possibility of demonic interference there with the bugs-- after all, demons can enter Swine, right? I feel certain that this incident coincided with my daughter's experience right on time for me to "grasp" this reality. I don't see these occurences as "accidents," although I'm certain many of my readers will.
Another time I was having a problem with a nasty feeling of dread I was getting from a particular corner of my living room in the middle of the night while up nursing. I finally went to bed and began the nightly dance I do: Nurse the baby. Put baby to bed. Tuck a cold toddler back into bed. Pee. Lie down. Get up ten minutes later to soothe a fussy baby. Lie down. Get up to help another toddler pee. Lie down. Get up to soothe said toddler back to sleep. Etc. Anyways, most of the night while I was doing all this I felt very uneasy, and this is unusual for my house. I simply felt, for lack of a better term, "watched" by a presence. It followed me from room to room and I just couldn't shake it, despite a middle of the night rosary. My daughter ended up sleeping in our room frpm 4ish on with her dad, while I kept the baby and the other toddler content and moved from room to room. At six or so I fell into my bed with my daughter and husband and began to close my eyes. My husband nudged me and said with a funny voice: "Annika, tell mommy what you've been telling daddy."
I looked at her.
"There's something following you." She said. I got chills. He told me that she had come to bed with him and insisted that she saw something walking with mommy. All I could do was cross myself. He later said that she was seeing the shadow of the flag outside our window. Who knows?
There have been many negative situations like this, but I like to focus on the positive. Yesterday morning as I was making breakfast and asking her what she wanted, (and consequentially, internally bemoaning the fact that I couldn't go to daily mass because we were both cranky from lack of sleep) she paused in my kitchen and said: "Mommy, we give God bread and He turns it into Jesus and makes it bread from heaven and then he tells us to eat it."
"Yes! You're right, he does. It's called "The Eucharist."" I said.
"We need to eat some soon. I think we will feel better."
I could go on forever with these little stories, but I think you get the idea...The point I'm making is that parenting a child, when one has this extrasensory spiritual perception, is truly challenging. I always want to be logical and balanced, and I NEVER want to project anything onto her. sure, she seems to understand communion perfectly, but when I ask her if she's excited about making her first communion she tells me she thinks she will put on a dress and marry Ishod (her brother) :P
My husband and I have not yet broached the subject of spiritual warfare with her in any way other than to tell her that if she's scared or nervous Jesus is with her and all she has to do is talk to Him about it and use His name. I find it astonishing that she can, at her young age, "get" spiritual truths in such a profound, life-changing way, as well as download sensory information that is often just surprisingly accurate, alongside having these deeply freaky paranormal experiences. I have no idea how to parent her, I just keep plowing along and hoping for the best, trying to let her know at every turn that she is loved beyond all measure. I imagine her powerful reactions (alternating between blissful obedience and contentment and absolutely mind-boggling fits which defy the imagination) have a lot to do with the powerful pull over her soul. I pray she wins the battle every day.
Taking life seriously.
Facebook can be a blessing and a curse. While I absolutely LOVE having the ability to keep in touch with faraway friends as if I was close, alongside being able to get information to loved ones about what's going on with us, I get really annoyed when I find out things I didn't want to know about other people... or when I hear things that make me sad about the direction someone's life is going. Worse yet, when I offend someone with it.
Using it, like any other "conversation," is a situation that can be either edifying or wasteful, even sinful. It's up to us how we use it. I'm certainly guilty of using my status updates and tweets to complain, when I could be encouraging someone. Or to talk about parenting, instead of actually parenting. It's all in how we use it.
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends, a person who I have worked with and labored in prayer over on an unusual haunting, had a status update that left me basically confused. If it was about what I thought it was about, it was really disturbing, but she was unclear so it became a source of confusion. I prayed about it and hoped that it wasn't what I thought and that she would elaborate to clarify so I would feel better about it.
Today, I came home from Church really fired up about the Eucharist, and really thankful for prayer. In the homily (By a priest who has a tendency to reuse homilies and not necessarily pour himself into them) I was surprised and thankful to find a wonderful, clear reminder of the vitality of prayer-- that prayer alone enables us to SEE Christ and find Him in our daily situations, in the people around us. For that reason, prayer is essential to the spirit and something which cannot be ignored. If you want to know God, if you want to feel His presence, if you want to experience His love, pray. We all need this.
I thought about what prayer has done in my life, and the lessons I have learned that taught me how and why I should pray. In particular, through ministering to persons in need of deliverance I have learned that often earnest, sincere prayer is the only thing you can "do."
So I was very upset when I came home from Church fired up about prayer to discover that someone who had asked me for prayer and over whom I have labored--and I mean labored-- in prayer was basically not taking any of it seriously.
This is a person for whom I have sacrificed what costs me most as a mother: my sleep, my time, and my attention. These things are so hard to come by for me, and yet I felt it was worth it to stretch myself thinner for this person because I couldn't be like everyone else in her life, just sit by and shrug and say: "Not my problem."
Even today, long after this person had left us in the dust of their crisis, I continue to pray for them daily, offering up little sacrifices here and there and hoping for a peaceful, righteous resolution to a situation that has really been tough for all people involved.
That seems to always be why my husband and I put ourselves out there for people who are experiencing a demonic problem, whether we feel it is legitimate or not. First, because if someone asks for our help, we are going to do what we can for them. We care about people, and want them to be happy and well for eternity.
And second, if we don't, we don't know who WILL-- often times these people are involved in things which absolutely terrify them, which they want to figure out but which other people won't touch with a ten-foot pole, and very often their natural curiosity and/or desperation will get them into further trouble-- often leading them where there was no real demonic activity to a place where there is a serious threat that needs to be addressed for the sake of their souls.
I am overwhelmed by a pull I feel towards people who are scared and experiencing a haunting. I have been there. I know the fright, the exhaustion, the fear and amazement, the furious hunt for answers. If I can help someone like that, I will always do it.
The question, then, is how? In the past, it has meant many different things, and I expect it will continue to be like that, as each situation is as unique as each individual. Sometimes, all I need to do is sit in my house and pray. Other times, people want to be reassured when they are frightened, which can mean going to their house to comfort them or simply being available by phone or email, sometimes all night long. Often, priests and pastors want someone to come with them because they are nervous or uncomfortable in a situation. In the past year, it has been made clear to me by my wifely, motherly, and Carmelite vocation that my main apostolate is prayer-- and because it is only through prayer that these things can be addressed, I am grateful that that is sometimes all that I can "do."
For this person, however, I felt that I had really gone above and beyond what I was not only inclined but really "able" to do, driving myself- and my husband- to the point of exhaustion. I also happen to know that this particular case has frustrated at least four diocesan priests and our Bishop, alongside several Catholic families who have tried to help. Because of this, when I read this particular status and then later had it confirmed, I was both fuming mad and hurt.
Mad because the battle between good and evil is not a joke. Those of us who have been knowingly touched by evil will never look at the world quite the same way again.For someone to have experienced something like that and then to be able to just brush it off and take their religion lightly-- well, that makes me angry. SOULS are at stake here. For ever. This is not a game.
And hurt because I saw all the hours of prayer and sacrifices I had made on behalf of this person just evaporate with no fruit--- I couldn't believe that after all that not sleeping when I was in DESPERATE need of sleep, all those lengthy, repetetive phone conversations I had when I could have been cleaning, or resting or enjoying my family, all those times that I made myself stay up to pray rosary after rosary... all that, it seems, for nothing. It feels like total rejection of the worst kind-- and cast a shadow of doubt for me over my vocation. Why was I bothering with these people if they were not only ungrateful but UNCHANGED- If not worse off?
So there I sat, checking and re-checking this status to try and understand all the while weeping some pretty bitter tears of sadness and confusion. My husband happened to walk by and shook his head. "Are you still crying about that?" he asked. I nodded. He cracked a smile and said to me:
"Look, I hate to be campy, Barbie, but what does this remind you of?" He had picked my rosary up off of desk next to me and was dangling the crucifix in front of my nose. I shrugged and sniffled.
"It sounds just like what Jesus did." And he dropped it on the desk and walked away.
I sat there feeling utterly foolish. He was right!
Our Lord is amazing... he endures this for each of us -- including me--- on a daily basis. I could just see Him in heaven, saying.... "I sweat BLOOD for you! I was NAILED to a cross. It was excruciating. Even today I am interceding for you before my Father. Why won't you take me seriously??"
Those of us who pray daily: "Lord, make me more like You and less like me" should rejoice in a situation like this.... and continue to pray and make sacrifices for people like this person, who, so far, has greatly disappointed us. We are called to be Christ to people. But only The Christ knows where this person's heart will be tomorrow, next year, ten years from now. May it be close to his own.
Using it, like any other "conversation," is a situation that can be either edifying or wasteful, even sinful. It's up to us how we use it. I'm certainly guilty of using my status updates and tweets to complain, when I could be encouraging someone. Or to talk about parenting, instead of actually parenting. It's all in how we use it.
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends, a person who I have worked with and labored in prayer over on an unusual haunting, had a status update that left me basically confused. If it was about what I thought it was about, it was really disturbing, but she was unclear so it became a source of confusion. I prayed about it and hoped that it wasn't what I thought and that she would elaborate to clarify so I would feel better about it.
Today, I came home from Church really fired up about the Eucharist, and really thankful for prayer. In the homily (By a priest who has a tendency to reuse homilies and not necessarily pour himself into them) I was surprised and thankful to find a wonderful, clear reminder of the vitality of prayer-- that prayer alone enables us to SEE Christ and find Him in our daily situations, in the people around us. For that reason, prayer is essential to the spirit and something which cannot be ignored. If you want to know God, if you want to feel His presence, if you want to experience His love, pray. We all need this.
I thought about what prayer has done in my life, and the lessons I have learned that taught me how and why I should pray. In particular, through ministering to persons in need of deliverance I have learned that often earnest, sincere prayer is the only thing you can "do."
So I was very upset when I came home from Church fired up about prayer to discover that someone who had asked me for prayer and over whom I have labored--and I mean labored-- in prayer was basically not taking any of it seriously.
This is a person for whom I have sacrificed what costs me most as a mother: my sleep, my time, and my attention. These things are so hard to come by for me, and yet I felt it was worth it to stretch myself thinner for this person because I couldn't be like everyone else in her life, just sit by and shrug and say: "Not my problem."
Even today, long after this person had left us in the dust of their crisis, I continue to pray for them daily, offering up little sacrifices here and there and hoping for a peaceful, righteous resolution to a situation that has really been tough for all people involved.
That seems to always be why my husband and I put ourselves out there for people who are experiencing a demonic problem, whether we feel it is legitimate or not. First, because if someone asks for our help, we are going to do what we can for them. We care about people, and want them to be happy and well for eternity.
And second, if we don't, we don't know who WILL-- often times these people are involved in things which absolutely terrify them, which they want to figure out but which other people won't touch with a ten-foot pole, and very often their natural curiosity and/or desperation will get them into further trouble-- often leading them where there was no real demonic activity to a place where there is a serious threat that needs to be addressed for the sake of their souls.
I am overwhelmed by a pull I feel towards people who are scared and experiencing a haunting. I have been there. I know the fright, the exhaustion, the fear and amazement, the furious hunt for answers. If I can help someone like that, I will always do it.
The question, then, is how? In the past, it has meant many different things, and I expect it will continue to be like that, as each situation is as unique as each individual. Sometimes, all I need to do is sit in my house and pray. Other times, people want to be reassured when they are frightened, which can mean going to their house to comfort them or simply being available by phone or email, sometimes all night long. Often, priests and pastors want someone to come with them because they are nervous or uncomfortable in a situation. In the past year, it has been made clear to me by my wifely, motherly, and Carmelite vocation that my main apostolate is prayer-- and because it is only through prayer that these things can be addressed, I am grateful that that is sometimes all that I can "do."
For this person, however, I felt that I had really gone above and beyond what I was not only inclined but really "able" to do, driving myself- and my husband- to the point of exhaustion. I also happen to know that this particular case has frustrated at least four diocesan priests and our Bishop, alongside several Catholic families who have tried to help. Because of this, when I read this particular status and then later had it confirmed, I was both fuming mad and hurt.
Mad because the battle between good and evil is not a joke. Those of us who have been knowingly touched by evil will never look at the world quite the same way again.For someone to have experienced something like that and then to be able to just brush it off and take their religion lightly-- well, that makes me angry. SOULS are at stake here. For ever. This is not a game.
And hurt because I saw all the hours of prayer and sacrifices I had made on behalf of this person just evaporate with no fruit--- I couldn't believe that after all that not sleeping when I was in DESPERATE need of sleep, all those lengthy, repetetive phone conversations I had when I could have been cleaning, or resting or enjoying my family, all those times that I made myself stay up to pray rosary after rosary... all that, it seems, for nothing. It feels like total rejection of the worst kind-- and cast a shadow of doubt for me over my vocation. Why was I bothering with these people if they were not only ungrateful but UNCHANGED- If not worse off?
So there I sat, checking and re-checking this status to try and understand all the while weeping some pretty bitter tears of sadness and confusion. My husband happened to walk by and shook his head. "Are you still crying about that?" he asked. I nodded. He cracked a smile and said to me:
"Look, I hate to be campy, Barbie, but what does this remind you of?" He had picked my rosary up off of desk next to me and was dangling the crucifix in front of my nose. I shrugged and sniffled.
"It sounds just like what Jesus did." And he dropped it on the desk and walked away.
I sat there feeling utterly foolish. He was right!
Our Lord is amazing... he endures this for each of us -- including me--- on a daily basis. I could just see Him in heaven, saying.... "I sweat BLOOD for you! I was NAILED to a cross. It was excruciating. Even today I am interceding for you before my Father. Why won't you take me seriously??"
Those of us who pray daily: "Lord, make me more like You and less like me" should rejoice in a situation like this.... and continue to pray and make sacrifices for people like this person, who, so far, has greatly disappointed us. We are called to be Christ to people. But only The Christ knows where this person's heart will be tomorrow, next year, ten years from now. May it be close to his own.
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