People always want to know why being a mom is so dang hard, why their mom friends never return phone calls and can't find time to email or make it out to coffee. Here is a prime example.
This morning, Peter thought it would be a good idea to open the blinds wide in the kids' room before he went to work so that some sunlight would come in because he knows that sunlight kills germs.
A good idea, in theory. In practice, here's what happened.
Our house is old, and thus most of our blinds are broken and basically hanging on a string or missing parts. To top it off, the kids are young, and so they like to try to grab the blinds, thus destroying the bottom corners on both sides. The stick thing that turns the blinds on one of the windows in their room is missing.
My normal morning routine is to open the blinds of the window that faces the side of the house in the morning, and the one that faces the back of the house in the afternoon, when the sun isn't directly hitting it so that their room doesn't heat up too much making their naptime unbearable. Because they grab the blinds on the side that doesn't have the stick that opens them anyways, I use the string to simply pull them open and shut it at the end of the day. On the other window, I use the stick to open the blinds, leaving them down because the kids can't reach them due to a big rubber bin that stands in the way. It works just great. AND there is a reason behind the whole process: naptime is hard when the kids are too hot in their room so I do what I can to ensure a cool room before lunch. It's also hard when their room is too bright.
Peter is tall, so he got the stick down from the first window, connected it to the second window, and opened the second window's blinds (the one facing the back)-- the hot window. THEN he took the stick and re-attached it to the first window and got ready to go to work. He couldn't understand why it annoyed me so much, and with good reason. After all, it appears that all he did was open some blinds and let some light in. I tried to explain it, but to no avail.
So, here's the part he is missing:
Come eleven o'clock, when the kids are eating lunch, I will go in their room to shut the blinds and straighten up for their naptime. The room will be hot, so I will have to turn the AC up even though the rest of the house is borderline cool, which I hate. I will remember that he had used the stick thing to open the blinds so I will have to go get a chair to switch the sticks out on the two blinds and close the other one. When I get the chair, the kids will see me do it, and they will want to help. Both of them will try to drag chairs into their room also. I will realize that a chair does not fit through the halfway closed door to the position of the crib, so I will have to move the crib to open the door fully to pull the chair through. Before I do this, I will try to see if I can reach the stick with just the kids' stool, which DOES fit through the door. It wont, so I will try again with the chair and proceed to have to move the crib. While I'm tottering on the chair, the kids will want to climb on MY chair, probably pushing me off at some point. I will send them to their own chairs, which will prompt fighting over whichever chair they both want to sit/stand on. This will cause one of two things: an injury or a fight, either of which have the same result: I will have to stop what I'm doing and go down and regulate, through some method of discipline that will no doubt take several minutes. Because this is all happening pre-nap time, they will be more inclined to go into a total meltdown when I discipline them instead of just moving on once it's done. During the meltdown, one or both of them will lose control of their bowels from all the commotion and I will have to stop and change them and/or mop up a mess on the floor.
I will then realize that they have not eaten and I have not fixed the blinds. I will put them back at the table to finish their food but by then they will be so tired they wont want to eat OR stay at the table. Meanwhile, I will put the stick on the blinds, close them, and then put the stick back where it goes on the other blinds. This action will be interrupted every few moments by one or both of the children running into the room with a question, complaint, etc.
I will get off the chair, push it through the door, and move the crib back. Then I will push the chair back to the dining room table where my kids will see me pushing a chair and shout "we want a tent!" Nothing will deter them from this tent idea, so I will build them a tent in order to scarf some food down as fast as I can before they go to sleep so that I can do what I need to do while they are unconscious, only to discover that they are so tired and cranky that they are fighting about who broke the tent and who can stand under it.
I will lose my patience, send everyone to bed, and then spend their entire naptime making and eating my own food, cleaning up theirs because I wasn't watching them while they ate since I was busy with the blinds, and then picking up tent remnants etc. The kids will be hot and uncomfortable in their room so they will wake up earlier than normal, probably just as I am finally lying down to sleep, and be cranky and annoyed for a good part of the afternoon.
All this, folks, because my husband innocently wanted to open the blinds his way instead of just letting me do it. From start to finish, it will have taken me between 15 and 60 minutes to close a blind, and in the process I will have completely disrupted my kids' schedule and everything I wanted to accomplish in that time.
And that, my dear readers, is why moms are always late, forget everything, and never return phone calls. That. Right. There.
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Holy Rosary
I had a good friend ask me today what the Rosary is, exactly, and it occurred to me that I may not have ever written a blog dedicated specifically to explaining the Rosary to protestants who really have no clue what it is. Since she was the second protestant to ask me in less than two weeks, it seemed like the opportunity had come.
Certainly the image of a little old lady with beads in hand and lace veil on head speaks to us of Catholicism, but aside from being an emblem of the Catholic faith, what is it and why should protestants look into it?
At it's core, the Rosary is a Marian devotion, and so many protestants shy away from it on the basis that it has to do with Mary, which makes them uncomfortable. So the first thing I would say is that what makes the rosary specifically Marian is that it is intended to help you walk through Christ's life in Mary's shoes-- through her eyes.
So what is it, exactly? The Rosary is a meditation and prayer. If we look at it's meditative qualities, we should look first to what meditation is: The contemplation of something that puts us into a state of perfect peace. While there are many meditations out there which I would warn you about, the one place you cannot go wrong (and in which people with an interest in meditation but who fear meditation as it seems too "Unchristian" in nature should trust) is meditation on the life of Christ. For this purpose, we are given the Scriptures, through which we can concentrate on what "it all means" and how it applies. Contrary to many forms of eastern meditation which are potentially damaging for their ability to leave doors open for demonic activity, Christian meditation is about FULLNESS and overflow. We meditate ON scripture, not on nothing. We meditate on Jesus, and are filled with the Holy Spirit, not leaving ourselves empty, swept and clean for just any spirit to move on in.
The meditative aspects of the Rosary are simple: we pray out loud, the beads slip through our fingers, and thus our mind is occupied with what are called the "mysteries," or various aspects of the life of Christ. The tactile experience of touching the beads and the verbal experience of saying the prayers draws us deeper into a mental/emotional experience of literally walking with Christ.
The benefits of meditation are profound, ranging from a longer life span to less illness and more joy. But these things are not enough for me to convince you that meditation is something you should take up. Instead, I will continue with the core of the Rosary: the prayers.
Above all else, the Rosary is a prayer. We offer our recitation of the Rosary up for some intention and we pray specific parts of it for specific virtues in our own prayer walk.
We begin the Rosary by making the sign of the Cross. We cross ourselves, saying: "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit." This is a sign Christians have made since the beginning of the Church and which unites us to our Lord on the Cross.
Reciting the Rosary consists of a series of prayers, beginning with the Apostles' Creed, which is a statement of faith. This creed projects our unity of faith and is pulled directly from Church doctrine. We believe these things, therefore we say them as we begin:
English:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord; Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell; the third day He arose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of Saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen.
Latin:
Crédo in Déum, Pátrem omnipoténtem, Creatórem cáeli et térræ. Et in Jésum Chrístum, Fílium éjus unícum, Dóminum nóstrum: qui concéptus est de Spíritu Sáncto, nátus ex María Vírgine, pássus sub Póntio Piláto, crucifíxus, mórtuus, et sepúltus: descéndit ad ínferos: tértia díe resurréxit a mórtuis: ascéndit ad cáelos: sédet ad déxteram Déi Pátris omnipoténtis: índe ventúrus est judicáre vívos et mórtuos.
Crédo in Spíritum Sánctum, sánctam Ecclésiam cathólicam, Sanctórum communiónem, remissiónem peccatórum, cárnis resurrectiónem, vítam ætérnam. Amen.
After the apostle's creed comes the Our Father, which is a prayer pulled directly, as you know, from Scripture:
English
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. Amen.
Latin:
Páter nóster, qui es in cáelis, sanctificétur nómen túum. Advéniat régnum túum. Fíat volúntas túa, sícut in cáelo et in térra.
Pánem nóstrum quotidiánum da nóbis hódie, et dimítte nóbis débita nóstra, sícut et nos dimíttimus debitóribus nóstris. Et ne nos indúcas in tentatiónem: sed líbera nos a málo. Amen.
And after the Our Father, the Hail Mary's. This prayer is also pulled directly from scripture, Luke 1:28 to be exact. In the Hail Mary, we recite scripture, and then ask for prayer now and at the time of Our Death from God's greatest Saint, Mary.
English
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Latin:
Áve María, grátia pléna, Dóminus técum; benedícta tu in muliéribus, et benedíctus frúctus véntris túi, Jésus.
Sáncta María, Máter Déi, óra pro nóbis peccatóribus, nunc et in hóra mórtis nóstræ. Amen.
We finish up each series of prayers, what we call a "decade" with a Glory Be:
English:
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
Latin:
Glória Pátri, et Fílio, et Spirítui Sáncto.
Sícut érat in princípio et nunc et sémper et in sáecula sæculórum. Amen.
And lastly, the Oh My Jesus:
English:
Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the fires of hell. Lead all souls to Heaven, specially those in more need of your mercy.
Latin:
Mi Jésu, indúlge peccáta nóstra, consérva nos ab ígne inférni, duc ómnes ad cáeli glóriam, præcípue túa misericórdia egéntes.
As we say each series of prayers, we think, focus, and meditate on a series of five mysteries or events in the life of Christ. These are pulled entirely from scripture: The meditations are, in order:
The annunciation (the angel declaring to Mary that she will give birth to Christ)
The visitation (Mary's visit to Elisabeth)
The nativity (The birth of Christ)
The presentation in the temple
The finding in the temple
The resurrection
The ascension
The the descent of the Holy Spirit
The assumption of Mary
The coronation
The baptism of Jesus
The wedding at Cana
The proclamation of the Kingdom
The transfiguration
The institution of the Eucharist
The agony in the Garden
The scourging at the pillar
The crowning with thorns
The carrying of the cross
The crucifixion
One word about the mysteries: many protestants also recite the mysteries but I know of a few, personally, who have a problem with two of them: the assumption and coronation of Mary, claiming that they are unscriptural. While I can certainly provide scriptural references and make a case for this, I will spare you the lecture and simply say that if it makes you uncomfortable, there is nothing that say that you HAVE to pray these mysteries. Choose instead to focus on the ones that you personally connect with.
It may seem like it's a lot of work to do just to pray, but once you get the hang of it, it's literally effortless and begins to flow, allowing you to focus not on "saying it right" but on the spiritual fruit that results from the prayers of the Rosary... the benefits which last a lifetime because they build holiness in you. Who can be anything but drawn to Christ who spends twenty minutes each day in His presence, walking by Him?
Praying the Rosary daily has changed my life. It has built a new peace into me and daily helps me to recognize those places in which God is trying to build His character into me. I recommend it to everyone as the most powerful weapon of spiritual warfare in existence. It is, in essence, about becoming One with God's Word.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
On prayer
The most amazing thing happened at Mass today.
We sat in front of this hispanic family we see from time to time, and for whatever reason I felt instantly bonded to the mom... no idea why, assumed it was a God thing, but just felt, you know, "tight."
It was a first communion mass again, and as I mentioned last week-- first communions mean a lot to me. I remember my own Grandparents, already relatively old for long car rides, actually buying plane tickets to come and see mine at the Santa Barbara mission-- what an event! They never came for a birthday or a graduation, but for my first communion--- they knew how special it was!
So, everything was going along as usual when it came time for the sign of peace. Peter and I smooched and I turned behind me to commence the handshaking and kiss-on-the-cheeking, which, I admit, I often find kind of disruptive and tedious. Imagine my surprise when at that moment, God showed up in a major way!
The woman behind me, in broken english, asked if I would mind if she prayed for my baby. I should pause here and tell you that prayer has been on my mind all week.
The first thing I've been thinking about is how often we let moments to pray slip past. We hear a bit of news and think," oh, I need to pray for them" but somehow forget to actually stop and do it right then and there. I had resolved to begin just praying, all the time, stopping whatever I was in the middle of and just doing it.
The second thing I've been thinking is in particular with regards to the rosary. I love the rosary because it sort of counter balances my two hour hardcore pray-a-thons.... I worry sometimes that I just don't have the energy to REALLY pray, so I have times where I don't give 100 percent to my prayer.
This is because sometimes , often even, I am moved to like---- get LOUD when I pray. To sing powerful praises and then to STAND on the word of God (exclamation mark, exclamation mark, etc) and to SPEAK His Word over people and to, you know, get pentacostal on Him. But with the rosary, I am still totally in the Spirit but it's a different thing the Spirit does-- - it is reflective, quiet, internal , and introspective. It is pure peace, which is different from the excitement and amazement you experience when you are praying in tongues or whatnot. I absolutely LOVE both and I feel like I was missing something when I didn't have the rosary, but at the same time, I never want to give up those Spirit-Filled moments of just pure charismatic prayer, you know? And that's easy to do in the Catholic Church, because most people around you are not charismatic and probably think you're a little strange. In fact, I was just saying this the other day... that it's somewhat of a joke in my circle of friends that the two ex-protties are the ones who, you know, PRAY and that the Catholics, instead, SAY their prayers. That isn't to say that Catholics aren't praying "correctly," it's just to say that in the Charismatic circles I've always moved in, we prayed one way, and in the circles most Catholics I know move in, they prayed another way.
I am thankful for both, and want to practice both "styles" of prayer--- the Church has given us prayers which are theologically sound, and it is good to pray them, but I think every person needs to be able to pray from their heart and literally SPEAK to God, in the Holy Spirit. Because of that, I've become sort of a stickler for both-- I make sure to pray the rosary at least once a day and a series of prayers that come from our rich heritage, but I also make sure to spend some time just praying whatever the Holy Spirit has for me to pray at that time. All this to say that I MISS, really, really miss, having charismatic types around--I miss having some serious prayer warriors I can count on to intercede in the Holy Spirit and power at the drop of a hat. Better than that, I miss having friends who can surprise ME by letting me know that God has already told them to pray for me and why, and I miss being that kind of prayer partner for my own friends!
Imagine how happy I was, then, in this moment, as this woman who was sitting behind me asked if she could pray for my baby, and then proceeded to lay hands on my belly and just PRAY! All around us, people were shaking hands and kissing each other but for me time stood still as I stood in this powerful prayer-tornado and let thankfulness wash over me. Clearly, this woman had intimate knowledge about me from the Lord, and clearly she wanted to share God's love for my child by pouring out prayers over her.
I was so thankful I burst into tears--- it was so good to be bonded in prayer with someone who, for lack of a better word, not only understood but inspired me to get back on the horse and GO. God started out training a warrior in me, and somewhere along the way, mostly because I felt alone, I forgot that. May I never forget it again, Lord, and may I be used as this woman was to bless other people with Your infinite love.
We sat in front of this hispanic family we see from time to time, and for whatever reason I felt instantly bonded to the mom... no idea why, assumed it was a God thing, but just felt, you know, "tight."
It was a first communion mass again, and as I mentioned last week-- first communions mean a lot to me. I remember my own Grandparents, already relatively old for long car rides, actually buying plane tickets to come and see mine at the Santa Barbara mission-- what an event! They never came for a birthday or a graduation, but for my first communion--- they knew how special it was!
So, everything was going along as usual when it came time for the sign of peace. Peter and I smooched and I turned behind me to commence the handshaking and kiss-on-the-cheeking, which, I admit, I often find kind of disruptive and tedious. Imagine my surprise when at that moment, God showed up in a major way!
The woman behind me, in broken english, asked if I would mind if she prayed for my baby. I should pause here and tell you that prayer has been on my mind all week.
The first thing I've been thinking about is how often we let moments to pray slip past. We hear a bit of news and think," oh, I need to pray for them" but somehow forget to actually stop and do it right then and there. I had resolved to begin just praying, all the time, stopping whatever I was in the middle of and just doing it.
The second thing I've been thinking is in particular with regards to the rosary. I love the rosary because it sort of counter balances my two hour hardcore pray-a-thons.... I worry sometimes that I just don't have the energy to REALLY pray, so I have times where I don't give 100 percent to my prayer.
This is because sometimes , often even, I am moved to like---- get LOUD when I pray. To sing powerful praises and then to STAND on the word of God (exclamation mark, exclamation mark, etc) and to SPEAK His Word over people and to, you know, get pentacostal on Him. But with the rosary, I am still totally in the Spirit but it's a different thing the Spirit does-- - it is reflective, quiet, internal , and introspective. It is pure peace, which is different from the excitement and amazement you experience when you are praying in tongues or whatnot. I absolutely LOVE both and I feel like I was missing something when I didn't have the rosary, but at the same time, I never want to give up those Spirit-Filled moments of just pure charismatic prayer, you know? And that's easy to do in the Catholic Church, because most people around you are not charismatic and probably think you're a little strange. In fact, I was just saying this the other day... that it's somewhat of a joke in my circle of friends that the two ex-protties are the ones who, you know, PRAY and that the Catholics, instead, SAY their prayers. That isn't to say that Catholics aren't praying "correctly," it's just to say that in the Charismatic circles I've always moved in, we prayed one way, and in the circles most Catholics I know move in, they prayed another way.
I am thankful for both, and want to practice both "styles" of prayer--- the Church has given us prayers which are theologically sound, and it is good to pray them, but I think every person needs to be able to pray from their heart and literally SPEAK to God, in the Holy Spirit. Because of that, I've become sort of a stickler for both-- I make sure to pray the rosary at least once a day and a series of prayers that come from our rich heritage, but I also make sure to spend some time just praying whatever the Holy Spirit has for me to pray at that time. All this to say that I MISS, really, really miss, having charismatic types around--I miss having some serious prayer warriors I can count on to intercede in the Holy Spirit and power at the drop of a hat. Better than that, I miss having friends who can surprise ME by letting me know that God has already told them to pray for me and why, and I miss being that kind of prayer partner for my own friends!
Imagine how happy I was, then, in this moment, as this woman who was sitting behind me asked if she could pray for my baby, and then proceeded to lay hands on my belly and just PRAY! All around us, people were shaking hands and kissing each other but for me time stood still as I stood in this powerful prayer-tornado and let thankfulness wash over me. Clearly, this woman had intimate knowledge about me from the Lord, and clearly she wanted to share God's love for my child by pouring out prayers over her.
I was so thankful I burst into tears--- it was so good to be bonded in prayer with someone who, for lack of a better word, not only understood but inspired me to get back on the horse and GO. God started out training a warrior in me, and somewhere along the way, mostly because I felt alone, I forgot that. May I never forget it again, Lord, and may I be used as this woman was to bless other people with Your infinite love.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The mass-- a how-to.
I received this email from a special girl on Myspace yesterday:
See, I’ve been agnostic/atheist for about seven years, after leaving the Russian Orthodox Church. I want to come back to church, but Gainesville (where I attend University) only has two churches: a Greek Orthodox one, far away, and a Catholic one, right down the street. I have no car, so the Catholic church is the most accessible.. I wrote the Catholic priest about my attending mass and he was very nice and welcoming. However, I don’t know/remember much and don’t want to upset a bunch of people accidentally.. So I was looking for information in your blogs.. and I was wondering if I could get some advice on proper conduct/dress code.. anything/everything (eep!)?
Because I get quite a few emails like this, I thought it might be useful to reply in a blog, where others can quickly and easily find the answers.
Going to mass for the first time can be scary--- if you have never been around Catholics you really only have the reputation to go off: You know to expect lots of standing, sitting, and kneeling, and hand signals, and responses. Other than that? Ahhhhh!
So, without further ado, I give you: a short guide to attending mass for the first time.
The first question everyone asks is: What should I wear? And it's a good one-- what should I wear to meet with my Creator today? The answer for men and for women is remarkably similar: Something that shows respect and that acknowledges from your heart the incredible nature of what you are about to witness and participate in. When I was growing up (And still, in Traditional Latin Mass communities-- more on that later) we were expected to wear our "Best" to Mass. This meant nice, formalish dresses for the women and suits for the men. Women NEVER wore low cut tops, clothes which exposed their backs or shoulders, etc. Boy do I remember the arguments I had with my Grandpere when I was a teenager about wearing dresses with low necklines!! Whew. If you DO wear a sleeveless or backless type dress, a cover up is the norm.
Now--- that was then, and in more traditional parishes or Parishes where the Latin Mass is still the norm, that is still in effect. However, I was a bit shocked to discover that these days in most parishes you will find a bit of everything: jeans, shredded jeans, halter tops, sweatshirts, etc. I don't think that this is ALWAYS a bad thing-- after all, we live in different times and these are norms and standards now. However I do think that a conscious person and a spiritually mature person will make the effort to give God their best through their clothing. Jeans are a great example: these days, I do think we can "dress up jeans" and make them look relatively acceptable, but I applaud those women and men who choose to avoid that and go the extra mile in honor of God's presence at the Mass.
Don't let that deter you! If jeans is what you've got--- wear jeans! In Santa Barbara, I often attended daily mass sitting next to homeless guys who hadn't showered in quite a while, and was blessed to be there with them! The idea is to give God your best, whatever that means for you.
As a woman, should you wear a headcovering? I would say yes, even though there is a chance that you will be the only one! Haha. Both the Bible and earlier Church councils recommend that women wear veils to worship, in particular, as St Paul says... "because of the angels." Just as the Angels knew which homes should be preserved by the sign of blood on the doorposts, the Angels know which women to stand by by their outward sign of veiling. In a church where the Traditional Latin Mass is said, you are expected to wear a headcovering and chapel veils will often be provided at the door if you do not have one. At a Novus Ordo mass (what you will usually find in your neighborhood parish) you might be the only one, or one of a handful of women, wearing a headcovering. If you are feeling brave, go for it! You're doing the right thing. If not, don't worry about it. Trust me, no one will notice.
OK, now that you're dressed and out the door, what do you do when you get there?
At some point in the entrance to the Church you will see bowls or a large bowl of holy water, and will notice people dipping their fingers in and making the sign of the cross. Holy Water is water that has been blessed and purified by a priest, and has many physical and spiritual benefits, to include reminding you of your baptismal promises and the fact that you are called to conversion and (my favorite little side effect) Holy Water is also a fabulous demon deterrent. ;) We make the sign of the cross over ourselves slowly and deliberately, in intimate union with our Lord on the cross. Catholics have always made the sign of the cross by touching their finger tips (Some keep their thumb, forefinger, and middlefinger together to remind them of the Holy TRinity) to their foreheads, hearts, left shoulder, right shoulder. The movement is accompanied by the words (either spoken or mentally projected) "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It's a good idea to get comfortable making the sign of the cross...Catholics make it all the time throughout the day, and at the Mass.
(interesting Wiki Article on the sign of the Cross here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_of_the_cross)
Once inside the church, you will see rows of pews that face towards an altar, which should be elevated somewhat above the level of the pews. Ideally, behind this altar (although it is common in many sad little churches across America to find it off to the side) you will see what looks like a big gold box. Somewhere near this gold box is a red or white suspended candle. The lit candle reminds us that consecrated hosts are inside the box, which is called a Tabernacle. This is where the Eucharistic Lord resides and the reason why an empty Catholic Church never "feels" empty-- God is with us.
You can make a profound bow or genuflect (get down on one knee and cross yourself) towards the tabernacle in acknowledgement before sitting down. Most people get to mass a little early so that they can kneel in their pews before it begins and spend some time in silent prayer. You should remember to always keep silence while inside the Church... it is a place of prayer and God's presence is there! These days, most priests seem to have to remind congregants to be reverent and respectful, but it wasn't always so--- the Catholic Church has always placed great emphasis on prayerful silence and maintaining a reverential attitude.
The mass will begin with a procession: just as in old testament days, the priest and altar boys will process through the Church towards the altar, and this will usally begin with singing. When the priest gets to the front, the mass begins. Here you can follow along with any good "Order of the Mass." I am providing you with two links... one to a Novus Ordo (what you will normally see in the Parishes around you) and one to the very special Traditional Latin Mass (which you will see on special occasions or in particularly traditional parishes) It is easy to follow along with what the priest will say and do and what you are expected to say and do. If you do not have one with you, they are sometimes provided in missals in the pews, OR you can simply follow the leads of the people around you, standing when they stand and kneeling when they kneel. If you do not KNOW the correct responses, don't feel bad about just not saying anything at all---- in fact, that's probably the best way to take in the beauty and "special-ness" of the nature of Holy Mass. If you then decide you like it and want to keep coming, you can make a copy of the Order of Mass and then gradually learn the responses. If you REALLY like it, you can buy a Missal. This is a book that contains everything you need to follow along in the mass (all the scripture texts, prayers, and responses) and is a wonderful addition to your prayer life. They are expensive, so make sure you wait until you are sure you want to do this! In the meantime, you can find it all at the US Conference of Catholic Bishops' website and follow along from there.
If your parish is celebrating the Novus Ordo Mass (and most are) you will find it here: http://www.theworkofgod.org/devotns/euchrist/guide.htm
If your parish is celebrating the Tridentine Latin Mass (and I Hope you get to experience this!!) you will find it here: http://www.fisheaters.com/TLMinstructions.html
In order to receive Holy Communion when it is distributed, you must be a practicing Catholic who is not in a state of Mortal Sin and who has abstained from food or drink for an hour prior to receiving. If you do not meet these qualifications, there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in remaining in your pew, prayerfully reflecting on God's presence in the Eucharist, and in fact, we would be shocked if you didn't! Another option for you, and one I find far nicer, is to come forward in the communion line with everyone else, keeping your arms tightly crossed in front of you, like an X. When the priest sees this, it is his signal to give you a blessing (he will pray over you and make the sign of the cross on your forehead) and you can then return to your seat.
Once the mass is over, you should still maintain your prayerful demeanor. Some people around you will be dropping to their knees to spend a few more minutes in prayer, so simply gather up your things and step into the aisle. Pause to genuflect or bow deeply in the direction of the Tabernacle before leaving, and cross yourself again with Holy Water on your way out. It is customary to take the time to greet the priest and say hello on your way out, he will be standing in a receiving line with the altar boys and you can say hello. Traditionally, We would genuflect and kiss the priest's hand to say hello, but these days, people really just say "what's up" and give them a hug or a handshake. My, how times have changed!! If you are attending a Latin Mass, you should expect to see people greet the priest in the traditional manner. That would be a good time to let the priest know you are new and interested in returning, and ask him if there is anything you should know about taking part in Parish life that might be tailored towards your needs as a person discovering Catholicism.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that there is ALWAYS a traditional AND biblical REASON for what you see, do , and experience in the Catholic Church. Nothing we do is done just "because" it seems interesting. So if there is something you see or do that makes you wonder.... what the heck is this??? Ask. Our liturgy is rich and full.
That should about cover it...and please, I would be thrilled to hear how everyone's first experience goes!!
See, I’ve been agnostic/atheist for about seven years, after leaving the Russian Orthodox Church. I want to come back to church, but Gainesville (where I attend University) only has two churches: a Greek Orthodox one, far away, and a Catholic one, right down the street. I have no car, so the Catholic church is the most accessible.. I wrote the Catholic priest about my attending mass and he was very nice and welcoming. However, I don’t know/remember much and don’t want to upset a bunch of people accidentally.. So I was looking for information in your blogs.. and I was wondering if I could get some advice on proper conduct/dress code.. anything/everything (eep!)?
Because I get quite a few emails like this, I thought it might be useful to reply in a blog, where others can quickly and easily find the answers.
Going to mass for the first time can be scary--- if you have never been around Catholics you really only have the reputation to go off: You know to expect lots of standing, sitting, and kneeling, and hand signals, and responses. Other than that? Ahhhhh!
So, without further ado, I give you: a short guide to attending mass for the first time.
The first question everyone asks is: What should I wear? And it's a good one-- what should I wear to meet with my Creator today? The answer for men and for women is remarkably similar: Something that shows respect and that acknowledges from your heart the incredible nature of what you are about to witness and participate in. When I was growing up (And still, in Traditional Latin Mass communities-- more on that later) we were expected to wear our "Best" to Mass. This meant nice, formalish dresses for the women and suits for the men. Women NEVER wore low cut tops, clothes which exposed their backs or shoulders, etc. Boy do I remember the arguments I had with my Grandpere when I was a teenager about wearing dresses with low necklines!! Whew. If you DO wear a sleeveless or backless type dress, a cover up is the norm.
Now--- that was then, and in more traditional parishes or Parishes where the Latin Mass is still the norm, that is still in effect. However, I was a bit shocked to discover that these days in most parishes you will find a bit of everything: jeans, shredded jeans, halter tops, sweatshirts, etc. I don't think that this is ALWAYS a bad thing-- after all, we live in different times and these are norms and standards now. However I do think that a conscious person and a spiritually mature person will make the effort to give God their best through their clothing. Jeans are a great example: these days, I do think we can "dress up jeans" and make them look relatively acceptable, but I applaud those women and men who choose to avoid that and go the extra mile in honor of God's presence at the Mass.
Don't let that deter you! If jeans is what you've got--- wear jeans! In Santa Barbara, I often attended daily mass sitting next to homeless guys who hadn't showered in quite a while, and was blessed to be there with them! The idea is to give God your best, whatever that means for you.
As a woman, should you wear a headcovering? I would say yes, even though there is a chance that you will be the only one! Haha. Both the Bible and earlier Church councils recommend that women wear veils to worship, in particular, as St Paul says... "because of the angels." Just as the Angels knew which homes should be preserved by the sign of blood on the doorposts, the Angels know which women to stand by by their outward sign of veiling. In a church where the Traditional Latin Mass is said, you are expected to wear a headcovering and chapel veils will often be provided at the door if you do not have one. At a Novus Ordo mass (what you will usually find in your neighborhood parish) you might be the only one, or one of a handful of women, wearing a headcovering. If you are feeling brave, go for it! You're doing the right thing. If not, don't worry about it. Trust me, no one will notice.
OK, now that you're dressed and out the door, what do you do when you get there?
At some point in the entrance to the Church you will see bowls or a large bowl of holy water, and will notice people dipping their fingers in and making the sign of the cross. Holy Water is water that has been blessed and purified by a priest, and has many physical and spiritual benefits, to include reminding you of your baptismal promises and the fact that you are called to conversion and (my favorite little side effect) Holy Water is also a fabulous demon deterrent. ;) We make the sign of the cross over ourselves slowly and deliberately, in intimate union with our Lord on the cross. Catholics have always made the sign of the cross by touching their finger tips (Some keep their thumb, forefinger, and middlefinger together to remind them of the Holy TRinity) to their foreheads, hearts, left shoulder, right shoulder. The movement is accompanied by the words (either spoken or mentally projected) "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It's a good idea to get comfortable making the sign of the cross...Catholics make it all the time throughout the day, and at the Mass.
(interesting Wiki Article on the sign of the Cross here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_of_the_cross)
Once inside the church, you will see rows of pews that face towards an altar, which should be elevated somewhat above the level of the pews. Ideally, behind this altar (although it is common in many sad little churches across America to find it off to the side) you will see what looks like a big gold box. Somewhere near this gold box is a red or white suspended candle. The lit candle reminds us that consecrated hosts are inside the box, which is called a Tabernacle. This is where the Eucharistic Lord resides and the reason why an empty Catholic Church never "feels" empty-- God is with us.
You can make a profound bow or genuflect (get down on one knee and cross yourself) towards the tabernacle in acknowledgement before sitting down. Most people get to mass a little early so that they can kneel in their pews before it begins and spend some time in silent prayer. You should remember to always keep silence while inside the Church... it is a place of prayer and God's presence is there! These days, most priests seem to have to remind congregants to be reverent and respectful, but it wasn't always so--- the Catholic Church has always placed great emphasis on prayerful silence and maintaining a reverential attitude.
The mass will begin with a procession: just as in old testament days, the priest and altar boys will process through the Church towards the altar, and this will usally begin with singing. When the priest gets to the front, the mass begins. Here you can follow along with any good "Order of the Mass." I am providing you with two links... one to a Novus Ordo (what you will normally see in the Parishes around you) and one to the very special Traditional Latin Mass (which you will see on special occasions or in particularly traditional parishes) It is easy to follow along with what the priest will say and do and what you are expected to say and do. If you do not have one with you, they are sometimes provided in missals in the pews, OR you can simply follow the leads of the people around you, standing when they stand and kneeling when they kneel. If you do not KNOW the correct responses, don't feel bad about just not saying anything at all---- in fact, that's probably the best way to take in the beauty and "special-ness" of the nature of Holy Mass. If you then decide you like it and want to keep coming, you can make a copy of the Order of Mass and then gradually learn the responses. If you REALLY like it, you can buy a Missal. This is a book that contains everything you need to follow along in the mass (all the scripture texts, prayers, and responses) and is a wonderful addition to your prayer life. They are expensive, so make sure you wait until you are sure you want to do this! In the meantime, you can find it all at the US Conference of Catholic Bishops' website and follow along from there.
If your parish is celebrating the Novus Ordo Mass (and most are) you will find it here: http://www.theworkofgod.org/devotns/euchrist/guide.htm
If your parish is celebrating the Tridentine Latin Mass (and I Hope you get to experience this!!) you will find it here: http://www.fisheaters.com/TLMinstructions.html
In order to receive Holy Communion when it is distributed, you must be a practicing Catholic who is not in a state of Mortal Sin and who has abstained from food or drink for an hour prior to receiving. If you do not meet these qualifications, there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in remaining in your pew, prayerfully reflecting on God's presence in the Eucharist, and in fact, we would be shocked if you didn't! Another option for you, and one I find far nicer, is to come forward in the communion line with everyone else, keeping your arms tightly crossed in front of you, like an X. When the priest sees this, it is his signal to give you a blessing (he will pray over you and make the sign of the cross on your forehead) and you can then return to your seat.
Once the mass is over, you should still maintain your prayerful demeanor. Some people around you will be dropping to their knees to spend a few more minutes in prayer, so simply gather up your things and step into the aisle. Pause to genuflect or bow deeply in the direction of the Tabernacle before leaving, and cross yourself again with Holy Water on your way out. It is customary to take the time to greet the priest and say hello on your way out, he will be standing in a receiving line with the altar boys and you can say hello. Traditionally, We would genuflect and kiss the priest's hand to say hello, but these days, people really just say "what's up" and give them a hug or a handshake. My, how times have changed!! If you are attending a Latin Mass, you should expect to see people greet the priest in the traditional manner. That would be a good time to let the priest know you are new and interested in returning, and ask him if there is anything you should know about taking part in Parish life that might be tailored towards your needs as a person discovering Catholicism.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that there is ALWAYS a traditional AND biblical REASON for what you see, do , and experience in the Catholic Church. Nothing we do is done just "because" it seems interesting. So if there is something you see or do that makes you wonder.... what the heck is this??? Ask. Our liturgy is rich and full.
That should about cover it...and please, I would be thrilled to hear how everyone's first experience goes!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
On my mind.
Whew--- lots to write about and not a lot of time in which to do it. So, a brief rundown of some things on my mind.
We've been alternating going to two different churches in town, one which we love but which drives us CRAZY in it's perpetual quest to modernize the way we do Church, and the other which we love for it's simplicity.... a kind of church in which you never have to ask yourself "Is this Catholic??" or "Why are they doing that??"
We do it because we know that by being active parishioners at the first church, we are involved in the day to day workings of the parish.... surrounding ourselves with a large population of catholics, many of whom are in similar situations to ours and who we can relate to. We have a set place to serve. We also do it because we know that if we abandoned this parish, that would be two less persons in there dedicated to "keeping things Catholic," and the way that Parish is going ,they need all the help they can get.
The exasperating thing about this church is the Sunday services--- an utter lack of reverence or respect for what is happening, the constant babbling through the mass and during prayer, the ill-trained children, the liberalizing of the liturgy,altar servers who have no idea what they are doing, the plethora of unnecessary Eucharistic Ministers, the neglecting of the honor due the priests, etc, etc, etc.
When we go to the other Church, we have none of these problems: the tabernacle is front and center, as it should be. The priest and congregation are reverent, silence is observed, the Holy Spirit is allowed free reign, the proper forms of the liturgy are adhered to-- it's just glorious. Of course, it's a TINY parish with a population consisting mostly of little old ladies! But each time I go there I find myself so thankful that I was given the opportunity to be reminded of how Church has always been done. It gives me fresh wind and the push I need to encourage the pastors and staff of our own Parish to really work towards remembering what's important. And now, instead of getting discouraged every Sunday, I take one Sunday a month or so to "recharge" and take it all in.
Through all this, I've also learned that Sunday Mass is not really about me! I know that sounds silly--- of course it's not about me, it's about Jesus! But what I mean is that it's not designed in particular to "feed me" but rather to reach out to those lost souls who pop their heads in once in a while. Of course, I am fed by the Eucharist, but the rest of the service is always tailored, it seems, to people who don't really know how to "do" Church. And I think we need that. I see them flocking in every Sunday testing the waters, to sort of "see if it works."
For me, daily mass is where I get to come and spend quiet time with the Lord and in the presence of believers who have made Him the center of their lives. Sunday mass is a celebration where lots of those who are invited actually come to the table-- a different kind of party. It's far less intimate, but much more inclusive, and it's productive because Souls are coming to Him to see if they find in Him what they need.
I think it was like this as a protestant for me too-- Sunday Church always led up to the altar call and though we "grew" significantly, we grew MORE in our small group settings. Because we didn't have daily church, I think I missed out on the opportunity for a lot of intimate growth with believers. I'm so thankful for daily mass and can't wait until I can go more regularly. Lord, let that day come!
Last Sunday was first communion for lots of the kids. This is the day that certain children who have been prepared over the previous months will receive the Eucharist for the very first time. It is a huge joy and an honor to be present at a First Communion mass... I become totally overwhelmed with emotion each time I see the "little children coming to Him."
The children dress up like brides and grooms because they are going to meet their Spouse-- and every one of them has the usual questions when it really comes down to it: Mainly-- what does Jesus' body and blood really taste like?
I always answer: "To me, it tastes like Life itself."
But imagine my dismay when I overheard one mother tell her child: "The wine tastes really bad, but you don't have to drink it." I couldn't fathom why someone would say that to a first communicant-- particularly thinking about all the Saints I know and love who would have done ANYTHING for just one DROP of the Cup before their first communion, and how they instinctively knew to long for it.
In fact, I remember thinking about that as a protestant, when I had denied myself communion because I felt that I couldn't "commune" with catholics in faith and thus should not receive.... I remember thinking that I had never tasted anything quite like it, and when I finally began to receive again years later, that familiar taste was a soothing balm for my soul in more ways than just "spiritually."
Its been a year since my return to the Church and I am sooooo thankful to be standing here. Lord, draw me ever nearer!
We've been alternating going to two different churches in town, one which we love but which drives us CRAZY in it's perpetual quest to modernize the way we do Church, and the other which we love for it's simplicity.... a kind of church in which you never have to ask yourself "Is this Catholic??" or "Why are they doing that??"
We do it because we know that by being active parishioners at the first church, we are involved in the day to day workings of the parish.... surrounding ourselves with a large population of catholics, many of whom are in similar situations to ours and who we can relate to. We have a set place to serve. We also do it because we know that if we abandoned this parish, that would be two less persons in there dedicated to "keeping things Catholic," and the way that Parish is going ,they need all the help they can get.
The exasperating thing about this church is the Sunday services--- an utter lack of reverence or respect for what is happening, the constant babbling through the mass and during prayer, the ill-trained children, the liberalizing of the liturgy,altar servers who have no idea what they are doing, the plethora of unnecessary Eucharistic Ministers, the neglecting of the honor due the priests, etc, etc, etc.
When we go to the other Church, we have none of these problems: the tabernacle is front and center, as it should be. The priest and congregation are reverent, silence is observed, the Holy Spirit is allowed free reign, the proper forms of the liturgy are adhered to-- it's just glorious. Of course, it's a TINY parish with a population consisting mostly of little old ladies! But each time I go there I find myself so thankful that I was given the opportunity to be reminded of how Church has always been done. It gives me fresh wind and the push I need to encourage the pastors and staff of our own Parish to really work towards remembering what's important. And now, instead of getting discouraged every Sunday, I take one Sunday a month or so to "recharge" and take it all in.
Through all this, I've also learned that Sunday Mass is not really about me! I know that sounds silly--- of course it's not about me, it's about Jesus! But what I mean is that it's not designed in particular to "feed me" but rather to reach out to those lost souls who pop their heads in once in a while. Of course, I am fed by the Eucharist, but the rest of the service is always tailored, it seems, to people who don't really know how to "do" Church. And I think we need that. I see them flocking in every Sunday testing the waters, to sort of "see if it works."
For me, daily mass is where I get to come and spend quiet time with the Lord and in the presence of believers who have made Him the center of their lives. Sunday mass is a celebration where lots of those who are invited actually come to the table-- a different kind of party. It's far less intimate, but much more inclusive, and it's productive because Souls are coming to Him to see if they find in Him what they need.
I think it was like this as a protestant for me too-- Sunday Church always led up to the altar call and though we "grew" significantly, we grew MORE in our small group settings. Because we didn't have daily church, I think I missed out on the opportunity for a lot of intimate growth with believers. I'm so thankful for daily mass and can't wait until I can go more regularly. Lord, let that day come!
Last Sunday was first communion for lots of the kids. This is the day that certain children who have been prepared over the previous months will receive the Eucharist for the very first time. It is a huge joy and an honor to be present at a First Communion mass... I become totally overwhelmed with emotion each time I see the "little children coming to Him."
The children dress up like brides and grooms because they are going to meet their Spouse-- and every one of them has the usual questions when it really comes down to it: Mainly-- what does Jesus' body and blood really taste like?
I always answer: "To me, it tastes like Life itself."
But imagine my dismay when I overheard one mother tell her child: "The wine tastes really bad, but you don't have to drink it." I couldn't fathom why someone would say that to a first communicant-- particularly thinking about all the Saints I know and love who would have done ANYTHING for just one DROP of the Cup before their first communion, and how they instinctively knew to long for it.
In fact, I remember thinking about that as a protestant, when I had denied myself communion because I felt that I couldn't "commune" with catholics in faith and thus should not receive.... I remember thinking that I had never tasted anything quite like it, and when I finally began to receive again years later, that familiar taste was a soothing balm for my soul in more ways than just "spiritually."
Its been a year since my return to the Church and I am sooooo thankful to be standing here. Lord, draw me ever nearer!
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