A very sweet woman wrote me recently and asked a lot of questions in one email that I frequently find myself answering individually-- and I thought it would be great (with her permission, of course) to answer them in a blog, so that I would have a place I could refer people back to with the answers. I have modified her questions a tiny bit so as not to give away her identity or too much about her personal life. Enjoy! And if readers have other questions like this, feel free to leave them in a comment so that we can continue the theme!
1. As I have said I have not done my Confirmation yet and I won't be able to start
classes until September. They run them from September till April when you get
confirmed at Easter Mass. With that said what can I do between now and then? So
far I have been reading the Catholicism for Dummies book and have been loving it.
During the period when you are either in RCIA or awaiting confirmation, there is a total temptation to want to think of yourself as somehow "half a catholic," but I would say to you that your heart is now Catholic-- the moment you accept that what the Church teaches is truth. The truth is, you ARE a Catholic, but you are forming your Catholic life-- just as those of us confirmed in the Church are doing daily!
Spiritual reading is a great place to start--- learning more about the faith every day and catching up on all the years of homilies you've missed! But one of the greatest things about BEING a Catholic is that we have the liturgical year to help us walk in the footsteps of the Church. As I write this, it is lent, and lent is the perfect place to begin to practice "being" catholic--- Follow along on websites like fisheaters or Catholic Answers, or get yourself a book (I reccomend "The Catholic Home," to help you find ways to make your family life line up with liturgical life through the practice of traditions and meaninful rituals. If you do nothing else, set up a family altar and begin to say some prayers there in the morning or at night. Read the bible with your kids. Get some catholic decorations for your home. Get involved at church somehow--- even if only to pray the rosary with the old ladies on mondays after mass.
That sense of "being" Catholic takes quite a while to build up, but once it takes, it never leaves.
2. My husband was baptized at birth Catholic, converted to Baptist as a teen, then
returned to Catholic when we married. He does not go to church and considers me to
be responsible for the kids religious upbringing. How do I see him as head of the
household when he is uninterested in going and participating in the faith. I must
say though that he knows the Bible much better than me and is a splendid man. He
just doesn't have the fervor for Catholicism as I do.
You know, lots of noncatholic women have this same question too!
The first thing I would say is that in a situation like this, it's always more productive to take responsibility for what you can and to encourage him in what little he DOES do than to nag him for what he doesn't, or even to quietly whine about it to God. You know, for now, I wouldn't worry so much about the logistics of seeing him as the head of the household as I would about simply treating him with lots of love and patience. Because your situation includes the training of children, you will find that as you pursue building a relationship with God alongside them, they will naturally draw him in. For example, my husband doesn't pray with the kids before bed 9/10 times. But lately, my daughter asks him to pray over her, and this has the effect of causing him to straighten up a bit and take this job seriously. By all means, take charge of teaching your children the faith! Do whatever you can to encourage a wholesome, happy, prayerful, beautiful, godly life in your family... but for now, simply enjoy your husband, quirks, eccentricities and all. It keeps us honest, sometimes, when our husbands are this way---- it causes us to realize that we truly NEED God. But it also helps us to remember why we love our husbands in the first place...and encourages them to grow on THEIR terms and not ours. The best advice I can give is LOVE HIM, encourage him, don't expect from him but rather see how you can give TO him, and make sure to take the children's training into your own hands in a gentle way that encourages a joyful family atmosphere. No man became a better Christian from watching a surly wife drag down her kids with her into "godliness." As Teresa of Avila said: "God save us from solemn saints!"
3. What ways can I encourage our faith into my kids? My kids are 14,11, 6, and 3.
Are there any rituals to do and practice daily with them to help them grow their own
faith?
Absolutely! Since my kids are so young ,I feel a bit awkward offering up advice, but I will say this: it's never too late to start. If you aren't currently doing much of anything, be patient with them and start off slow. Add a few things to the routine each week and gently ease into practicing a more devout life. Children resist change, but they thrive in a joyful, balanced, scheduled environment. Because of the age differences, I might consider tailoring the changes to their ages too. Like, it might be hard to get the WHOLE family to agree to say a rosary each night, but you can at least do it on Sundays or feast days and then make it fun by offering them ice cream after or something. The basic rule of life for your everyday Catholic family includes at the very least: going to mass on Sundays, praying together in the morning and evening, and possibly reading from the family bible together at dinner or something. Add prayers to your day that are short but meaningful-- bless your meals, etc. Most importantly, take on the observances of the season. Right now, since we are in lent, ask the kids to give up something and take on something that will draw them closer to God. Don't serve them meat on Fridays. Things like that. Don't be a nazi about it, but make it fun (you know, hey, we can't have meat on Fridays so we'll have pancakes!) or something like that. Over time, these things will become second nature to you AND to them, and become something they look back on with fondness.
4.You mention praying LOH. What are your children doing while you do these? On the
same note do your children sit with you during Mass or go the nursery?
I pray the LOH daily. Mornings, I get up before anyone else in the house to do it. During the day, I often pray it as I work, not really stopping, or seeking out quiet or anything like that. Evening prayer I actually pray WITH the kids (who are two and one) as they are in bed. I pray and sing and they listen. I imagine as they get older they will join me and I'll make a big thing out of giving them their OWN breviary some day to join in!
Mass: I'll admit, I dislike having my kids at mass, but that's because I'm selfish and want to enjoy God all by myself :P Ideally, my kids stay with me during mass, but I recognize that there are days (and there are PLENTY) when they are not able to sit still for varying reasons-- tired, cranky, whatever. those days, I happily put them in the nursery and we make a visit to the tabernacle after I pick them up (when mass is over.) Once they hit four, I plan on having them with me every time I come.
5. When you pray at home do you still cover your head and when will you have Annika
cover hers? at what age? Why is it that women cover their heads but not men?
I DO absolutely cover my head, but only when I'm in private, quiet prayer or when I am at mass, in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. I used to cover my head at all times, but my husband does not like it, so I now only cover in prayer. I will teach my girls beginning at age four that they should cover their heads in prayer, but I will, of course, allow them to select a style that they like. I wrote a long blog on headcovering that will answer many of your questions here: http://stitchlove.blogspot.com/2008/11/on-headcoveringagain.html
6. How do you structure your day? I know it might seem boring to you but very
interesting and helpful to me! When do you pray? clean? workout? etc. I would love
a "day in the life of Barbie".
Whew! That's a big question, because I'm perpetually altering my schedule to make it more efficient and better. My daily schedule looks like this, but it is often altered by unexpected or expected guests, my kids' moods, my husband's moods, and anything else that gets plopped into my laugh. ultimately, my daily schedule is a guideline, but I HAVE to be flexible, because otherwise I am miserable. Also, it doesn't look in there like I have time to clean, etc.
the fact is that I do different types of cleaning on different days (one day for laundry, one for cleaning the kitchen, for the bathroom, bedrooms, etc) and I am a big fan of "clean as you go" so that there is minimal catch up work to do in the end. I really don't clean more than 1 hour each day, but it's spread out throughout the day.
That being said, it looks like this:
4:30 am Morning Prayer and Lectio Divina (bible reading)
5:30 am morning yoga
6:30 am breakfast with the kids and morning devotions as a family
7:30 am kids free time/ I get dressed
8:00 am kids dressed and room straightened (dishes done)
8:30 am leave for mass
10:00 am return, snack, and a walk if it's nice out with outdoor homeschool. Otherwise, we do indoor homeschool. Midmorning prayer
12:00 pm Lunch
12:30 ish Naptime (during which I pray noon prayer and the rosary, and then either nap or blog, straighten up etc)
3:00 pm spurt of housework and whatever needs to get done + chaplet of divine mercy
4:00 mid afternoon prayer
+ snack for the kids-- start dinner.
5:00 pm dinner + family time
7:00 pm bedtime (+ family rosary on special occasions) and LOH
7:30 dishes, then spend time with the hubby
9:00 freetime (night prayer+ evening yoga)
10:00 bed.
7. Modesty. I know you have read the Duggars and are a fan. Do you practice only
wearing skirts as they do or do you wear pants as well? Is there anything you will
no longer wear now that you are a devout Catholic?
Great question! OK, first, the pants thing. I admit that it truly rubs me the wrong way when I see women wearing power suits, pants suits, etc to be lectors, eucharistic ministers, and all that. I think that femininity is beautiful, very special, and important to retain. That being said, There are plenty of women who manage to make pants look very feminine. For me personally, I prefer to wear skirts and I prefer for my kids to wear skirts. We do all own a pair of jeans that we do wear when the occasion is right. But when it comes to dressing up-- we wear skirts. That's just us. Because of carmelites, I must wear the brown scapular every day, and so I do not wear clothes that have a VERY low neckline because people would see the scapular and think "What the heck is that thing?" However, there are some clothes I wear that have a neckline that is pretty low, and then I often pin the scapular against my underclothes so that it doesn't come out. Modesty is important to me, but I do not go the route of little house on the prairie, probably because I'm French and I do think that a woman's inherent "appeal" is a God-given gift that we needn't totally hide. I DO believe in modesty, and dress accordingly, but I try not to look frumpy or too boring. Because we don't have much money, I can't be too picky about what I wear and would probably dress very differently if I got to hand select my clothes.
8. Do you ever get plagued with the Jonesing curse? By this I mean do you go to
someones' big house or drive by someone's big house and wish you had the material
possessions they did? Or do you ever wish you had that room pictured in a Pottery
Barn catalog? If you have how do you deal with that?
Sure I do. I think everyone gets that at some point! But what matters is what you do with it. If you use it to breed discontent and frustration at your own life, it's not healthy. But if you use it to help you build goals and ideas for the future, give you decorating ideas, and stuff like that-- I mean, that's a good thing!
9. What is the difference between praying the Rosary and Chaplet of Mercy. I love
praying the Chaplet of Mercy. While you pray your beads once again what are the
kids doing? How often and how long does it take you to pray these?
The rosary was given and requested by Mary, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy developed from St Faustina. There are different graces associated with each but both are wonderful. I try to pray both at some point during the day. My kids take naps at the same time -- I schedule them-- so I usually pray my beads at that time, or in the evening after they have gone to bed. A couple times a week, I will actually pray a rosary with them. I let them help me and we don't do it perfectly, but we get it done. The best advice I ever heard was to pray the rosary as a family while out walking... that way the kids are happy. Normally, it doesn't take longer than 15-20 minutes to pray the rosary.
10. On happy housewives we are once again revisiting the created to be his helpmeet
discussion. What is your stance on the Pearls now? Do you only read books and
refer to books based on Catholic authors or do you choose that which enriches you?
Actually, I'm still a VERY huge fan of the Pearls. Even as a protestant, I didn't totally agree with their theology, so that hasn't changed, but I think they are a wealth of information for building a solid, beautiful, godly family and I truly admire and appreciate them. I'm currently teaching a Bible Study for a group of Catholic women and we are using Beth Moore--- another protestant. I also am halfway through "the shack" right now and LOVE IT! I use what enriches my life, and I don't have a problem going to nonCatholic sources, but when it comes to theology,I let the church do the talking. :)
11. Do you believe sex with your husband is a wifely duty? I too suffer with endo.
and there are times in the month I am in soo much pain and my periods are awful ( I
bleed so much I can't leave the house. the pain alone keeps me at home) (have you
found anything that has helped you with your endo?)
Yes, I do believe that husbands and wives should have sex-- and I believe that they should enjoy it! I have a LOT more to say about this one but I'll keep it short for now and write a longer blog soon... there are also herbal remedies for endo that I will be happy to share. If it is hard to have sex, my best advice is to let him know that you need to be aroused before you can do it, thus encouraging him to actively participate in helping you. The more aroused you become, the easier it is on your body. I will write a blog soon on sexuality and herbal remedies for common sexual problems.
12. Why do people get sick? which brings me to this feeling I have been feeling as
of late...I am scared to get close to HIM. I feel like right now everything is
puttering along and once I get close to our God the evil one will step in and cause
all kinds of strife. Do you believe that God makes us suffer on purpose in order to
grow us closer to him or do you feel that we can grow close to HIM without pain? I
think I'm really thinking this because my mom just finished treatment for Breast
Cancer which was horrible. We nearly lost my dad to a massive heart attack followed
by quadruple bypass surgery. My sister had to have a complete hysterectomy for
cervical cancer. The list goes on. I'm so scared of getting an illness and not
being here to raise my sweet babies. Seeing all the pain they have gone through has
me petrified. I am in fear of my kids not having a mother to raise them. Do you
ever feel like this? Ever worry about that? I mean
leaving Wayne/Peter to raise your kids alone? How do you handle that? I would
love your advice on this as well.
People get sick because of sin--- because of the natural consequence of living in an imperfect world. A REALLY great book I would recommend to help you see why suffering is allowed is called "The Shack."
I am so sorry to hear about all the heartache you have experienced. And I am certain that through it God is changing and molding and growin all of you! My best advice to you in this situation is to tell you not to fear, but rather to rest in the promises of God, because it is only God who sees the WHOLE picture, and knows the WHOLE story.
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Ashes
Yesterday was ash wednesday. I woke up with this total sense of anticipation at the lenten season beginning... mostly because come Easter it will be a year since I came back to the Church and there are so many emotions associated with that.
It seems like it has gone so fast!!
Lent is the 40 days pre-easter. During Lent, Catholics undertake a period of fasting, prayer, and penance.
We fast (particularly on Ash Wednesday) and abstain from meat on Fridays (some people during the whole season) and practice penance--- giving up things that we particularly like but which keep us from Christ, and in turn, taking on spiritual disciplines that will help us draw closer to God. Things like getting up earlier to greet Him in the dawn, or giving up TV for 40 days and choosing spiritual reading instead, or going to Daily Mass instead of vegging out on the couch first thing in the morning. We make these lenten sacrifices and ask them for particular purposes--- for the conversion of sinners, for miracles in our own lives or the lives of others, for the things which only prayer can achieve.
We pray ceaselessly. We meditate on the suffering and passion of Christ. On Friday nights, we do the Stations of the Cross, walking around the church meditating on the various moments in the walk of Christ with His cross and how we can share in His suffering as an offering of love.
People give up and take on things according to their place in life and on the journey. Some give up alcohol, or cigarettes. Others give up their entire paychecks.
Last year, during lent, I fasted from all books except the bible and the catechism of the Church, because I wanted to determine if the Church was the actual church established by Christ. It was.
This year I am taking on a few disciplines for my family-- like not raising my voice with my kids, and not complaining. But I'm also doing more--- like reading Divine Intimacy every day alongside my daily bible reading, and praying an extra rosary a day.
I woke up yesterday morning filled with anticipation-- I couldn't wait to go to church but I was also anxious about being marked with the ashes--- it has been YEARS since I did this and I remember being a child and being so uncomfortable with people staring at me and wondering what the heck was on my face.
The readings and responsorial psalm had me in tears from the very beginning of mass-- they reminded me of the depth and seriousness of my sin and how much it grieves my God.
It helps that I'm halfway through "The Shack," which is an excellent novel to remind us of the gravity of our lack of relationship with God, and I found myself weeping as I sang "Misericordia senor, (Have mercy lord,)for I have sinned."
After that, we watched Father bless the ashes that were to be distributed, burned down from the palm fronds we waved last year as we welcomed the Lord into Jerusalem.
We lined up solemnly and prayerfully reflected on what was about to occur. The ashes are more than a symbol! Because we are Catholic, we believe in sacramentality-- that reception of these ashes create in us a spiritual reality. We are given, through them, the grace we need to understand the depth of our sin and the deep, wide mercy of God.
The Catholic use of ashes stems from the Jewish use of ashes- mourners sat and rolled themselves in ashes, sprinkling them on their person and in their food. The same Hebrew word that describes ashes also means "dust."
For the early Christians, Tertullian and Cyprian and other Church Fathers often described the Christian association of "ashes" and sackcloth with doing penance. Liturgically, the two are interconnected and have been since the old testament. This is one of the best things about being a Catholic. As I watched the long line of people returning to their seats marked with the sign of the cross in black smudged darkly against their foreheads, I was so moved to think that Christians have been doing this since the very first days of the Church-- that in doing it, I was united with Christians the world over. I was united with Christians who had come and gone and who were now with Christ in heaven.....with sinners everywhere who recognized the need for God in their lives. It's very moving!
As a protestant, one of my favorite moments was always to watch the altar calls. We'd get told not to peek and keep our eyes tightly shut, but I would always look, because there is nothing more beautiful than seeing people go forward to receive Christ and acknowledge that they need a Savior. This is what I get to see EVERY DAY in the Catholic Church, through Communion, through sacramentals, through actions like recieving the ashes. It's so profound!
When it was my turn ,I quietly stepped forward and was marked with a cross made of ashes. My eyes were tightly closed as I breathed in the scent of dust mixed with holy water and chrism. The words that were recited to me as I was marked with the cross resonated in my ears and I heard nothing but the words he said to me as he solemnly smudged my forehead in two even strokes:
"Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized the reality of this beautiful statement, and I recognized that this was the first steps of my lenten journey-- to acknowledge that I was desperately, totally, dead in my sin without the Lord.
Walking back up the aisle to my pew was unreal. Greeted by a sea of faces marked with a thick black cross softly singing:
If all our world is ashes, then must our lives be true
An offering of ashes, an offering to you.
I couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight.
May the Lord bless you this lenten season and may we all grow in His love.
It seems like it has gone so fast!!
Lent is the 40 days pre-easter. During Lent, Catholics undertake a period of fasting, prayer, and penance.
We fast (particularly on Ash Wednesday) and abstain from meat on Fridays (some people during the whole season) and practice penance--- giving up things that we particularly like but which keep us from Christ, and in turn, taking on spiritual disciplines that will help us draw closer to God. Things like getting up earlier to greet Him in the dawn, or giving up TV for 40 days and choosing spiritual reading instead, or going to Daily Mass instead of vegging out on the couch first thing in the morning. We make these lenten sacrifices and ask them for particular purposes--- for the conversion of sinners, for miracles in our own lives or the lives of others, for the things which only prayer can achieve.
We pray ceaselessly. We meditate on the suffering and passion of Christ. On Friday nights, we do the Stations of the Cross, walking around the church meditating on the various moments in the walk of Christ with His cross and how we can share in His suffering as an offering of love.
People give up and take on things according to their place in life and on the journey. Some give up alcohol, or cigarettes. Others give up their entire paychecks.
Last year, during lent, I fasted from all books except the bible and the catechism of the Church, because I wanted to determine if the Church was the actual church established by Christ. It was.
This year I am taking on a few disciplines for my family-- like not raising my voice with my kids, and not complaining. But I'm also doing more--- like reading Divine Intimacy every day alongside my daily bible reading, and praying an extra rosary a day.
I woke up yesterday morning filled with anticipation-- I couldn't wait to go to church but I was also anxious about being marked with the ashes--- it has been YEARS since I did this and I remember being a child and being so uncomfortable with people staring at me and wondering what the heck was on my face.
The readings and responsorial psalm had me in tears from the very beginning of mass-- they reminded me of the depth and seriousness of my sin and how much it grieves my God.
It helps that I'm halfway through "The Shack," which is an excellent novel to remind us of the gravity of our lack of relationship with God, and I found myself weeping as I sang "Misericordia senor, (Have mercy lord,)for I have sinned."
After that, we watched Father bless the ashes that were to be distributed, burned down from the palm fronds we waved last year as we welcomed the Lord into Jerusalem.
We lined up solemnly and prayerfully reflected on what was about to occur. The ashes are more than a symbol! Because we are Catholic, we believe in sacramentality-- that reception of these ashes create in us a spiritual reality. We are given, through them, the grace we need to understand the depth of our sin and the deep, wide mercy of God.
The Catholic use of ashes stems from the Jewish use of ashes- mourners sat and rolled themselves in ashes, sprinkling them on their person and in their food. The same Hebrew word that describes ashes also means "dust."
For the early Christians, Tertullian and Cyprian and other Church Fathers often described the Christian association of "ashes" and sackcloth with doing penance. Liturgically, the two are interconnected and have been since the old testament. This is one of the best things about being a Catholic. As I watched the long line of people returning to their seats marked with the sign of the cross in black smudged darkly against their foreheads, I was so moved to think that Christians have been doing this since the very first days of the Church-- that in doing it, I was united with Christians the world over. I was united with Christians who had come and gone and who were now with Christ in heaven.....with sinners everywhere who recognized the need for God in their lives. It's very moving!
As a protestant, one of my favorite moments was always to watch the altar calls. We'd get told not to peek and keep our eyes tightly shut, but I would always look, because there is nothing more beautiful than seeing people go forward to receive Christ and acknowledge that they need a Savior. This is what I get to see EVERY DAY in the Catholic Church, through Communion, through sacramentals, through actions like recieving the ashes. It's so profound!
When it was my turn ,I quietly stepped forward and was marked with a cross made of ashes. My eyes were tightly closed as I breathed in the scent of dust mixed with holy water and chrism. The words that were recited to me as I was marked with the cross resonated in my ears and I heard nothing but the words he said to me as he solemnly smudged my forehead in two even strokes:
"Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized the reality of this beautiful statement, and I recognized that this was the first steps of my lenten journey-- to acknowledge that I was desperately, totally, dead in my sin without the Lord.
Walking back up the aisle to my pew was unreal. Greeted by a sea of faces marked with a thick black cross softly singing:
If all our world is ashes, then must our lives be true
An offering of ashes, an offering to you.
I couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight.
May the Lord bless you this lenten season and may we all grow in His love.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Orgasmic birth... let's talk about this.
What do you guys think? Comments?
http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/
http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Messenger
Something amazing happened to me today. Last night, I was reading some of my old blogs, as I often do, and I became majorly glum over something that probably doesn't bother a lot of you. I went back to read some of my blogs from this time last year and I found that not a whole lot had changed at all. In them, I was waiting to find out if Peter was going to get into the military, and I was waiting to find out if we would have this house the following month. In fact, nearly everything about "this time last year" resembled the present... and it really freaked me out.
At the same time, I had to face the fact that I'm not actually GOING in circles, even if it sometimes seems that way, but rather that I've got a pattern going on, and that I'm moving outwards (or maybe inwards?) in concentric circles, like the earth around the sun. Each time I revisit a place or a thing, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me, and I'm growing more. Not only are these things becoming more familiar, but they are becoming more understandable. And what's more, I'm really starting to see a change in ME, if not in my circumstances.
Meanwhile, something happened today that really threw me for a loop. During the incident, two things stood out. The first was that every time I start to see a glimmer of hope in this life, that somehow, some way, God is going to pull us out of poverty and into a place where we just might be able to have a decent life, the rug comes out from under me. The second was that one of the hardest things about being a spouse is that you have to put up with the lessons your spouse has to learn, even if you already know them. Likewise, he has to put up with yours. And what's crazier, God can use THEIR lessons to teach YOU something. Yeah.
So, I pretty much blew up over this incident, which is a bit too complex to delve into on here, but which really freaked me out and took away any sense of security that I had developped over the last few months. I began to throw myself a pity party. After all, we are in a complete holding pattern at this moment and have had to relinquish complete control of pretty much anything in our lives. Because of that, our sense of "security" and "safety" is virtually vanished. And yet we know that God is God. Meanwhile, I called a couple of my trustee "lean on me" friends, and neither of them where able to offer me much in the way of ministering to my anxieties, not because they couldn't, but mostly because, in the end, they weren't supposed to. God had something else in mind.
My father in law showed up at my door when I was at my worst--- having just burst into huge tears and basically fallen apart, he was greeted by a raccoon faced daughter in law who was totally beside herself. I explained the situation to him, and his first reaction was to really stick it to me-- he hammered me with twenty reasons why I was being selfish, which were all true.
Then, he sat down and began telling his "no shit there I was" stories. The guy is a retired Army First Sgt, and very often moves into these old war stories from vietnam and the gulf war that really throw you for a loop.
Somewhere, in the midst of his stories, my heart started to break. God was talking to me. Directly. Through them, he reminded me that God is God, and has that right. He reminded me that what is painful for him wont be painful for me, but that it's only IN the painful that we do our best growing. He reminded me that when these things happen, God allows them, and we have no idea what he is going to do. He reminded me that sometimes, what seems like a stroke of bad luck is actually the hand of our Lord reaching down to save us, and he reminded me, above all, that as a daughter of God, it was my job to rise up and run to Him in times of trouble-- that I had no business whatsoever fleeing from him and shaking my fist calling out "woe is me." TELL HIM you're angry, he told me.
He quoted philippians 4 at me: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Later on, when I had come to terms with the fact that God had sent me a messenger, he called once more just to let me know that FAITH is being built in me as I undergo this and every trial, and that the visible character of Christ will be mine once I learn to see, feel, experience the trial but to lose the need to be reminded of all that I needed to be reminded of today.
Lord, I have so far to go. But OH, how sweet is his personal love for us all!
At the same time, I had to face the fact that I'm not actually GOING in circles, even if it sometimes seems that way, but rather that I've got a pattern going on, and that I'm moving outwards (or maybe inwards?) in concentric circles, like the earth around the sun. Each time I revisit a place or a thing, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me, and I'm growing more. Not only are these things becoming more familiar, but they are becoming more understandable. And what's more, I'm really starting to see a change in ME, if not in my circumstances.
Meanwhile, something happened today that really threw me for a loop. During the incident, two things stood out. The first was that every time I start to see a glimmer of hope in this life, that somehow, some way, God is going to pull us out of poverty and into a place where we just might be able to have a decent life, the rug comes out from under me. The second was that one of the hardest things about being a spouse is that you have to put up with the lessons your spouse has to learn, even if you already know them. Likewise, he has to put up with yours. And what's crazier, God can use THEIR lessons to teach YOU something. Yeah.
So, I pretty much blew up over this incident, which is a bit too complex to delve into on here, but which really freaked me out and took away any sense of security that I had developped over the last few months. I began to throw myself a pity party. After all, we are in a complete holding pattern at this moment and have had to relinquish complete control of pretty much anything in our lives. Because of that, our sense of "security" and "safety" is virtually vanished. And yet we know that God is God. Meanwhile, I called a couple of my trustee "lean on me" friends, and neither of them where able to offer me much in the way of ministering to my anxieties, not because they couldn't, but mostly because, in the end, they weren't supposed to. God had something else in mind.
My father in law showed up at my door when I was at my worst--- having just burst into huge tears and basically fallen apart, he was greeted by a raccoon faced daughter in law who was totally beside herself. I explained the situation to him, and his first reaction was to really stick it to me-- he hammered me with twenty reasons why I was being selfish, which were all true.
Then, he sat down and began telling his "no shit there I was" stories. The guy is a retired Army First Sgt, and very often moves into these old war stories from vietnam and the gulf war that really throw you for a loop.
Somewhere, in the midst of his stories, my heart started to break. God was talking to me. Directly. Through them, he reminded me that God is God, and has that right. He reminded me that what is painful for him wont be painful for me, but that it's only IN the painful that we do our best growing. He reminded me that when these things happen, God allows them, and we have no idea what he is going to do. He reminded me that sometimes, what seems like a stroke of bad luck is actually the hand of our Lord reaching down to save us, and he reminded me, above all, that as a daughter of God, it was my job to rise up and run to Him in times of trouble-- that I had no business whatsoever fleeing from him and shaking my fist calling out "woe is me." TELL HIM you're angry, he told me.
He quoted philippians 4 at me: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Later on, when I had come to terms with the fact that God had sent me a messenger, he called once more just to let me know that FAITH is being built in me as I undergo this and every trial, and that the visible character of Christ will be mine once I learn to see, feel, experience the trial but to lose the need to be reminded of all that I needed to be reminded of today.
Lord, I have so far to go. But OH, how sweet is his personal love for us all!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Forum Liberalis
Uh oh, GWLANA, I broke the rules... again!
So. I made of the mistake of not just blogging about Rav but actually going in there and once again got sucked into the psychotic world of hyperliberalism that honestly must make Baby Jesus cry.
As I said to Amanda, most of the people in there are so liberal they don’t even tell THEMSELVES the truth about their own issues for fear of offending their own self-worth. For the most part, they are just tiptoeing around, apologizing and smiling at each other. There is nothing more irritating to me than people who dance around topics and use "gentle" language for fear of offending any number of groups (for example, it's not unusual to hear someone respond to a question about submission like this: "Well, I don't want to exclude transgender marriages from my assessment, but....") If you should happen to make a comment about the fact that gender roles are not a figment of the imagination, they start telling you how you must then logically assign roles to members of other races and be a total racist crapbag. Right. They are big on not excluding anyone, but they arent' ashamed to say that they they would like to exclude the Christian right from anything and everything... to include the right to breathe the oxygen we all must share. This type of Political Correctness is not only nauseating, it's destructive. There are only so many people you can "include" before society begins to disintegrate. What liberals have never understood is that we do things for the good of the majority, that's the only way a society can work. Does that mean that we exclude or marginalize anyone? Absolutely not. What it does mean, though, is that we expect everyone to do their part and pull their load.
This is why it's funny when liberals tell me they "don't like the army." Oh boo hoo. The army loves you, baby. While they sit around whining about how unfair and mean the army is, the army provides them and the whole world with security that gives them the freedom TO complain about itself. Now THAT'S a sense of national duty. Recently, we got into a conversation about how harsh the army's policies about mental illness are. Are they? Sure. They could probably be more sensitive and helpful for those who truly ARE struggling with things like PTSD. One need only look at the numerous soldier suicides this year to determine that. But what do people expect them to do? To pass out candy and sing kumbaya around a camp fire? To send soldiers on vacation? It's the army. It didn't become the most powerful army in the world by sitting around being sensitive to people's needs. In case no one noticed, there's a war going on. The army itself knows the truth--- they sing it in cadence every morning. Their job is battle. They'll rest when they're dead.
Talking to people this liberal, for me, is like talking to an invading alien army. I am not equipped with the correct vocal chords to communicate. Even if I was, I would not be equipped with knowledge of their language. And since they are hostile, I have no desire to even attempt it, it's far easier and safer for the defense of my planet to just blast an RPG into the herd, pray that it hits a target somewhere near the center, and run for your life. When they retaliate with what THEY claim is "just friendly fire," your only option is to find the nearest nuclear bomb and let it roll. This is the verbal equivalent of my tactics whenever I go in there.
The problem I have with rav is this. I was raised in France and in California, where we often have what's called a "Cafe Philo." A bunch of people sit around a table drinking coffee and discussing life. Sometimes, it gets heated. Other times not. But it's always fruitful to see people from all walks of life getting together to discuss the important issues. This is what a forum is.
The dictionary definition is: A medium of open discussion or voicing of ideas.
I was not on the debate team when I was in high school. I thought they were huge geeks. Instead, I snuck out of fourth period math and met with my friends at the coffee shop, where we smoked cigarettes and sipped organic soy chais and chatted about the meaning of life. This is the way it has always been in my world.
So why, then, does Ravelry seem to think that life operates like a debate team? That in order to participate in their forums, of which they persist in creating subforums and further subforums to continue to isolate me from speaking about religion "as a way of life." (yes, even in the DISCUSSIONS ABOUT RELIGION forum!)we must somehow excel at professional debate?
Instead of being able to go in there, share your life experience, and read the life experience of others, hear, learn, grow, and think, we are required to read endless amounts of "statistics" and "facts" and babblings of people with PhD's. We are required, if we want to have an opinion, to back it up with data. Why??
Perhaps it's because I have absolutely no respect for "education" as it is, but this really bothers me. Obama is educated. I think he's a moron. My husband was not. I think he's a genius. It really doesn't matter to me if some institution or organization has given you a stamp of approval and said "we endorse this person as telling the truth." The only qualifying factor, for me, that makes a person worthy of having an opinion that I will count as "fact" is one who knows the Bible, truly knows the Bible, as one who is illuminated by the Holy Spirit of God. I could not care less if you spent 22 years furthering your studies at I'm Special U. It really has no bearing on how much you know, for scripture says "The wisdom of this world is passing."
NOW, this doesn't mean that I believe we need to throw knowledge out. Knowledge is good, and faith is not, nor has it ever been, in opposition to science. Science will never disprove God, nor will it prove Him ,because we are simply called to live in faith. Those of us who do will find God all around us, and no amount of "scientific proof" would convince us otherwise. Nevertheless we have the responsibility to make ourselves understood. To communicate in a language that the listener can hear. I am the first person to admit that this becomes increasingly taxing as time goes by, particularly when you are faced with the same questions, the same responses, and the same people, day in and day out. It becomes so taxing, in fact, that I have been guilty (and was last night) of throwing my hands up and saying: "you know what? Screw it. You really aren't important enough for me to even bother trying to communicate truth to you. Just wallow in your life and you'll have a nice big surprise at the end."
Unfortunately for me, that's the wrong answer. I am not able to do that because I am called to care about these people--- to love every one of them, heretical, nasty, vile morality, and all.
The problem I have in online forums is that each one takes on the characteristics of the people who frequent it most. I love the R&P because I've been there the longest, and I set the tone, and I know anything goes, and I know not to be offended and I know no one else will be either. The R&P, for me, is far superior to any forum I've ever encountered because it's the most like a Cafe Philo. We go in, we relax, we talk about the issues, we poke fun at each other, and we grow. I've done some of my best growing in the R&P. Not everyone shares my beliefs in there, but at least there are enough people with similar beliefs that make you seem like a person with a right to an opinion, as opposed to feeling like everyone's watching you like you are a lunatic. In the R&P, I've always been told: I love you, but your batsh*t crazy. The "I love you" part, combined with the respect you are given for being a reg, makes for enough warm fuzzies to keep you unscathed when you DO have to battle it out in there. I become a better person, and a better Christian, through my interactions in there.
Conversely, Ravelry brings out the worst in me each and every time. Why? Because Ravelry is nothing like a Cafe Philo. It's like a transgendered alternate lifestyle NOW liberal fest, where I feel, very often, totally alone. Everything I say and think is so utterly foreign to these women (and the occasional man that pops in) that I frequently am met with shock and awe.
Whatever other Christians are in there are painful silent, or they simply spend their time agreeing in the places they can with what they read to make friends, instead of challenging people to grow. Whenever we DO get some Christians in there who are willing to take a stand, they immediately get swarmed with so much BS and confusion and satanic doctrine that they quickly fold over themselves and retreat to pray and lick their wounds. One cannot even have a thread that lays out the basic tenets of Christianity without being literally swamped with lies, new age garbage, demonic doctrines, and "educated" information that negates Christ's Godhood, the Holy Trinity, or Satan's existence, and then you come out looking like a wierdo for actually believing the basic tenets of the Christian Faith. It is so disheartening. These people embrace all that is sad, heartbreaking, wrong, evil, immoral, and dark and earnestly believe it will enhance their human experience. It is painful to look at, but more importantly, it's painful to go in there and even remotely attempt to tear a hole in their dark bubble and let some light in. You are met with so much venom disguised as sugar that you come out of there literally gasping for peace. Talk about an exercise in futility.
It infuriates me to think that when I'm NOT posting in there, they just go through life, patting each other on the back for being such spectacularly TOLERANT human beings, so evolved, and they have no idea that there is a big wide world outside of their LYS and job at the food co-op (no offense, Jen, if you're reading) where the reality is that they are as deceived as they come. Of course, when I do post, it doesn't even make a dent in the crazy, and all it does is send alien lazer beams of angst and frustration aimed at my heart-- because deep down, as much as I can't stand their mindsets, I DO care about these people. And they are WILLINGLY giving themselves over to ALL that our Lord has warned us against.
In a way, I guess I can understand how much it pains the Father's heart to hear/see people believe these things. It draws me closer to the Lord. My evangelical response used to be to keep on going in there and shouting out the good news, but my Catholic response is to WEEP over ravelry and to "stiff upper lip" it, shut up, start praying and do penance for them.
Perhaps this lent I can offer up some part of my lenten fast for the salvation of the souls in Ravelry.... for the light to somehow penetrate this forum where participants aren't having "discussions" but rather willingly submitting to brainwashing and encouraging each other in the name of "tolerance" to take in ANYTHING they can get their hands on but godliness.
As a dear raveler said to me in an email yesterday:
"I’ve been reading the thread in DAR. They’re really quite hypocritical aren’t they? They’re remarkably tolerant until someone disagrees with them."
Amen to that!!! May the Lord create forums for personal discussion throughout the internet, where His name alone will be praised, and where the darkness flees like roaches from the light.
So. I made of the mistake of not just blogging about Rav but actually going in there and once again got sucked into the psychotic world of hyperliberalism that honestly must make Baby Jesus cry.
As I said to Amanda, most of the people in there are so liberal they don’t even tell THEMSELVES the truth about their own issues for fear of offending their own self-worth. For the most part, they are just tiptoeing around, apologizing and smiling at each other. There is nothing more irritating to me than people who dance around topics and use "gentle" language for fear of offending any number of groups (for example, it's not unusual to hear someone respond to a question about submission like this: "Well, I don't want to exclude transgender marriages from my assessment, but....") If you should happen to make a comment about the fact that gender roles are not a figment of the imagination, they start telling you how you must then logically assign roles to members of other races and be a total racist crapbag. Right. They are big on not excluding anyone, but they arent' ashamed to say that they they would like to exclude the Christian right from anything and everything... to include the right to breathe the oxygen we all must share. This type of Political Correctness is not only nauseating, it's destructive. There are only so many people you can "include" before society begins to disintegrate. What liberals have never understood is that we do things for the good of the majority, that's the only way a society can work. Does that mean that we exclude or marginalize anyone? Absolutely not. What it does mean, though, is that we expect everyone to do their part and pull their load.
This is why it's funny when liberals tell me they "don't like the army." Oh boo hoo. The army loves you, baby. While they sit around whining about how unfair and mean the army is, the army provides them and the whole world with security that gives them the freedom TO complain about itself. Now THAT'S a sense of national duty. Recently, we got into a conversation about how harsh the army's policies about mental illness are. Are they? Sure. They could probably be more sensitive and helpful for those who truly ARE struggling with things like PTSD. One need only look at the numerous soldier suicides this year to determine that. But what do people expect them to do? To pass out candy and sing kumbaya around a camp fire? To send soldiers on vacation? It's the army. It didn't become the most powerful army in the world by sitting around being sensitive to people's needs. In case no one noticed, there's a war going on. The army itself knows the truth--- they sing it in cadence every morning. Their job is battle. They'll rest when they're dead.
Talking to people this liberal, for me, is like talking to an invading alien army. I am not equipped with the correct vocal chords to communicate. Even if I was, I would not be equipped with knowledge of their language. And since they are hostile, I have no desire to even attempt it, it's far easier and safer for the defense of my planet to just blast an RPG into the herd, pray that it hits a target somewhere near the center, and run for your life. When they retaliate with what THEY claim is "just friendly fire," your only option is to find the nearest nuclear bomb and let it roll. This is the verbal equivalent of my tactics whenever I go in there.
The problem I have with rav is this. I was raised in France and in California, where we often have what's called a "Cafe Philo." A bunch of people sit around a table drinking coffee and discussing life. Sometimes, it gets heated. Other times not. But it's always fruitful to see people from all walks of life getting together to discuss the important issues. This is what a forum is.
The dictionary definition is: A medium of open discussion or voicing of ideas.
I was not on the debate team when I was in high school. I thought they were huge geeks. Instead, I snuck out of fourth period math and met with my friends at the coffee shop, where we smoked cigarettes and sipped organic soy chais and chatted about the meaning of life. This is the way it has always been in my world.
So why, then, does Ravelry seem to think that life operates like a debate team? That in order to participate in their forums, of which they persist in creating subforums and further subforums to continue to isolate me from speaking about religion "as a way of life." (yes, even in the DISCUSSIONS ABOUT RELIGION forum!)we must somehow excel at professional debate?
Instead of being able to go in there, share your life experience, and read the life experience of others, hear, learn, grow, and think, we are required to read endless amounts of "statistics" and "facts" and babblings of people with PhD's. We are required, if we want to have an opinion, to back it up with data. Why??
Perhaps it's because I have absolutely no respect for "education" as it is, but this really bothers me. Obama is educated. I think he's a moron. My husband was not. I think he's a genius. It really doesn't matter to me if some institution or organization has given you a stamp of approval and said "we endorse this person as telling the truth." The only qualifying factor, for me, that makes a person worthy of having an opinion that I will count as "fact" is one who knows the Bible, truly knows the Bible, as one who is illuminated by the Holy Spirit of God. I could not care less if you spent 22 years furthering your studies at I'm Special U. It really has no bearing on how much you know, for scripture says "The wisdom of this world is passing."
NOW, this doesn't mean that I believe we need to throw knowledge out. Knowledge is good, and faith is not, nor has it ever been, in opposition to science. Science will never disprove God, nor will it prove Him ,because we are simply called to live in faith. Those of us who do will find God all around us, and no amount of "scientific proof" would convince us otherwise. Nevertheless we have the responsibility to make ourselves understood. To communicate in a language that the listener can hear. I am the first person to admit that this becomes increasingly taxing as time goes by, particularly when you are faced with the same questions, the same responses, and the same people, day in and day out. It becomes so taxing, in fact, that I have been guilty (and was last night) of throwing my hands up and saying: "you know what? Screw it. You really aren't important enough for me to even bother trying to communicate truth to you. Just wallow in your life and you'll have a nice big surprise at the end."
Unfortunately for me, that's the wrong answer. I am not able to do that because I am called to care about these people--- to love every one of them, heretical, nasty, vile morality, and all.
The problem I have in online forums is that each one takes on the characteristics of the people who frequent it most. I love the R&P because I've been there the longest, and I set the tone, and I know anything goes, and I know not to be offended and I know no one else will be either. The R&P, for me, is far superior to any forum I've ever encountered because it's the most like a Cafe Philo. We go in, we relax, we talk about the issues, we poke fun at each other, and we grow. I've done some of my best growing in the R&P. Not everyone shares my beliefs in there, but at least there are enough people with similar beliefs that make you seem like a person with a right to an opinion, as opposed to feeling like everyone's watching you like you are a lunatic. In the R&P, I've always been told: I love you, but your batsh*t crazy. The "I love you" part, combined with the respect you are given for being a reg, makes for enough warm fuzzies to keep you unscathed when you DO have to battle it out in there. I become a better person, and a better Christian, through my interactions in there.
Conversely, Ravelry brings out the worst in me each and every time. Why? Because Ravelry is nothing like a Cafe Philo. It's like a transgendered alternate lifestyle NOW liberal fest, where I feel, very often, totally alone. Everything I say and think is so utterly foreign to these women (and the occasional man that pops in) that I frequently am met with shock and awe.
Whatever other Christians are in there are painful silent, or they simply spend their time agreeing in the places they can with what they read to make friends, instead of challenging people to grow. Whenever we DO get some Christians in there who are willing to take a stand, they immediately get swarmed with so much BS and confusion and satanic doctrine that they quickly fold over themselves and retreat to pray and lick their wounds. One cannot even have a thread that lays out the basic tenets of Christianity without being literally swamped with lies, new age garbage, demonic doctrines, and "educated" information that negates Christ's Godhood, the Holy Trinity, or Satan's existence, and then you come out looking like a wierdo for actually believing the basic tenets of the Christian Faith. It is so disheartening. These people embrace all that is sad, heartbreaking, wrong, evil, immoral, and dark and earnestly believe it will enhance their human experience. It is painful to look at, but more importantly, it's painful to go in there and even remotely attempt to tear a hole in their dark bubble and let some light in. You are met with so much venom disguised as sugar that you come out of there literally gasping for peace. Talk about an exercise in futility.
It infuriates me to think that when I'm NOT posting in there, they just go through life, patting each other on the back for being such spectacularly TOLERANT human beings, so evolved, and they have no idea that there is a big wide world outside of their LYS and job at the food co-op (no offense, Jen, if you're reading) where the reality is that they are as deceived as they come. Of course, when I do post, it doesn't even make a dent in the crazy, and all it does is send alien lazer beams of angst and frustration aimed at my heart-- because deep down, as much as I can't stand their mindsets, I DO care about these people. And they are WILLINGLY giving themselves over to ALL that our Lord has warned us against.
In a way, I guess I can understand how much it pains the Father's heart to hear/see people believe these things. It draws me closer to the Lord. My evangelical response used to be to keep on going in there and shouting out the good news, but my Catholic response is to WEEP over ravelry and to "stiff upper lip" it, shut up, start praying and do penance for them.
Perhaps this lent I can offer up some part of my lenten fast for the salvation of the souls in Ravelry.... for the light to somehow penetrate this forum where participants aren't having "discussions" but rather willingly submitting to brainwashing and encouraging each other in the name of "tolerance" to take in ANYTHING they can get their hands on but godliness.
As a dear raveler said to me in an email yesterday:
"I’ve been reading the thread in DAR. They’re really quite hypocritical aren’t they? They’re remarkably tolerant until someone disagrees with them."
Amen to that!!! May the Lord create forums for personal discussion throughout the internet, where His name alone will be praised, and where the darkness flees like roaches from the light.
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Gay Thing, Pt 2: Judgement DaY
A good friend of mine on myspace, Dover, posted a great question as a response to my "The Gay Thing" blog (which I post both on blogspot and myspace) It was such an excellent question that I thought it deserved a blog all its own. He said:
I really agree with what you're saying here. I have to give the RCC props for this wisdom. They've definetly beat most of the other churches in this area. But I did have one question.
What about in the Bible where it talked about if a christian was found in sin that they where to be confronted in private. But if they didn't repent then you where to take an elder and witness and then confront them, and if they still didn't repent you where supposed to bring it before the whole church...
SO..... I agree that we should extend grace and love and welcome to all peoples, but with Alcoholics and people practicing homosexuality, what about that above verse? about confronting them? I mean... yeah... it's complicated.
There are so many things I like about this question it's hard to know where to begin. Let me start by saying that this is one of the greatest differences I've encountered since my return to the Church of Rome. And it's no small issue. As a protestant, it was ingrained in me that other people's souls' were somehow my responsibility. That evangelical urge played itself out in many ways--- in never letting an opportunity to share the gospel slip past, in the way I dealt with issues of sin in my house and in my relationships.
If you'll recall, on the fourth of July last year I was enjoying the fireworks on post in a beautiful, all-american, military-pride kind of setting, and I found myself confronted with this difference full force. The people one house down from our BBQ had invited their whole church to a big tent they put up, and our whole group was Catholics. There were little differences... like, we had beer, and they didn't, but there were big differences too. As I chased my toddlers around the grass I overheard conversation after conversation that rubbed me the wrong way... where one person was basically telling another person "hey brother, you're in sin there," and the other would say "yeah, man, you're right." But it would be over something totally trivial. One guy was "confronted" because he had come over to our house and asked us for a beer. of course, he got railed on because he was supposed to be witnessing to US, the unsaved Catholics, but instead he was taking OUR hospitality and, woe is him, actually having alcohol.
Another conversation was about how unsaved Catholics are and what a shame it was. They were basically sitting there watching us have our gathering and thinking to themselves "Man, it stinks that those people are going to hell and they're just sitting there grilling Tri-Tip."
The thing about it was... they didn't know us from adam or eve. They had NO CLUE if we were going to heaven or not, they just made this immediate assumption based on this fact: The group next door is Catholic.
Now, don't get me wrong.. I've been there. But my stance now is this: If it doesn't look good, I'm not going to get anywhere with someone by doing anything other than pointing the way I know will get to heaven. In other words, instead of worrying about who is wrong all the time, how about we just show people what is right?
Those types of conversations reminded me (since I hadn't really been around protestants for a few months) of that element of constantly being ON each other, holding each other accountable, etc. Catholics REALLY don't do that.
When a Catholic looks around and sees someone is in some serious sin, they do one of three things (or all three!)
If the person is in any kind of leadership position (from teaching catechism to being an extraordinary Eucharistic minister) they make sure to let the priest know they noticed and don't like it. In other words, they ensure that those in roles of leadership/high visibility are living honorable lives, period.
The second thing they will do is light a candle for them or pray a rosary for them. And yes, sometimes, talk amongst themselves about it, although I'm sure they go to confession if they do! (GUILTY! :P)What a difference from how I felt as a protestant, constantly under the scrutiny of multiple watchful eyes. I remember the day I quit smoking. I looked back on the YEARS of hiding my cigarettes, my breath, my ashtrays, that I did so that my protestant friends wouldn't bug me about it. Would my smoking time have been shortened if people just allowed me to be who I was and grow without being stifled? Would I have opened up more, shared more, been more challenged? I don't know. What I do know is that I learned in that time that even though I can hide things from PEOPLE, God still knows what I'm doing. And that was a good lesson. However, consider this:
The number one reason why people polled by evangelicals say they choose to be unchurched is because, and I quote, "Christians are hypocrites." In other words, we say one thing and do another. And how true is that??? Protestant churches tend to look like cookie cutter images of "perfect" people. When you set foot inside one, you get kind of blown away by the "beautiful people." Not so of Catholic environments, in which you look around and see a big, heartbreaking, beautiful mess.
My general feeling is that in Catholic Circles, people worry about their own souls and pray for others, whereas in Protestant Circles, people worry about other people's souls and pray for themselves. This is a generalization, of course, but it's just this sense I get from having experienced both---- I know that one of the most attractive things for me about returning to the Catholic Church was that I was going to have the ability once again to be a "face in a pew" that no one could talk about, look at, or judge. Just a person. On a journey. That other people didn't get to determine for me.
Now there is a fine line here that can not be crossed. Scripture says that it is GOOD for us to fellowship, that it is GOOD for there to be two or three witnesses, a multitude of counselors, etc. But it's that sense of having spiritual advice forced on you at all turns that chokes the life out of you. My whole ordeal with my husband and our family's personal journey, into California, our of California... man. That was a great example. We couldn't be "sent out" because no one in our immediate community of believers wanted us to leave. The people in California, of course, were super excited. But when we got to California and realized that God had us there for a different reason than we had initially thought and that we HEAVILY doctrinally disagreed with the Church we had come out there to help in the first place, THAT Church wouldn't send us back out, because they wanted us to stay. And yet, all the while, God was working, and people were attempting to stand in His way. The World DOES need to know the Lord. the world DOES need to hear from God. But the evangelical "prototype" of using a megaphone in crowds and individually addressing each member of the community with their personal sin is just sooo... bleh.
Does this mean that if your sister or brother is in sin you shouldn't address it?? Of course you should. But take first the LOG out of your own eye before you worry about the splinter in your brother's. See what I mean?
The other part of that is that we (Catholics) have something that other Christians don't have: unity in the faith. We have apostolic authority. Every night, before we go to sleep, we do what's called an "examination of conscience." We ask ourselves (and God!) to show us where we have sinned and in what ways our conscience is telling us that we have offended God and our neighbor, and those are the things which we bring to the confessional. Because we go to the confessional, we can be assured that the spiritual direction we receive from our priest, who is our representative of apostolic authority and who does, says, and represents the EXACT same faith (down the minute details) as all other priests and bishops around the entire world, will guide us not in his personal direction but in the direction of sanctity. In other words, Catholics all believe the same exact things. There are no dissensions in the ranks of Catholics. And those who do not are simply removing themselves from the Church of their own accord.
Because of this unity in the faith, we don't HAVE to hammer other people. We can ALL point to the place in the catechism where it says X, Y, or Z about how to live one's life. So we can ALL grow personally, individually, and collectively by adhering to the Word of God as it has been revealed to the apostles and continues to be. Because of this, there are no disagreements. And because there are no disagreeements, we don't have to give people a hard time.
How this plays out with the homosexuality issue is that we KNOW, from the Bible, and from Sacred Tradition, that homosexuality is wrong. It is not a debatable issue, it is not something that we can pick and choose about, and there are no uncertain terms. All Catholic persons are required to believe this, and all members of the Magesterium are required to continue to teach this. It simply IS.
Because of that fact, we don't need to eternally pound on people about it. If they should happen to come to a place in their lives where they question this teaching, then they can be directed to any number of passages in scripture and in the catechism that reflect these teachings. They are then faced with a choice: either they buy it or not. The result of NOT buying it is tangible in our Church in the sense that those who are not in union with the teachings of the Church are not to receive our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.
We teach straight from the Bible, that those who receive communion who are living in sin are reaping condemnation onto themselves. Thus the practicing homosexual (just as, for example, the person who is taking Birth Control) who receives communion is, in essence, condemning themselves. Our job is to protect people from doing so--- we refuse communion from non Catholics and non-practicing Catholics not to protect Our LORD, but to protect THEM.
Because there are two parts to the Mass, we must then acknowledge that there is no scandal whatsoever in the welcoming of the all people to hear the word of God proclaimed. Even persons who are excommunicated may hear the Word of God-- and should!
In the Latin Mass, the community then made a differentiation-- only those who could RECIEVE the Lord should remain for the second portion, which is the Eucharistic Feast. There was the mass of the catechumens, and the mass of the faithful.
Now, in the Novus Ordo, we just keep on truckin'.... and persons who wish to remain may remain, although they are asked in no uncertain terms not to receive the Host.
I've been in Protestant Churches where we "put people out" from the fellowship because of continued sin. And it always sat wrong with me. But the reason it did wasn't clear until I returned to the Catholic Church. If we don't allow people to hear the Word of God proclaimed, how will their hearts be changed?
Preventing people from receiving the Eucharist is a whole different story. I wasn't able to receive the day I believed, and that waiting nearly killed me. It was in that waiting that I re-examined myself and my life and heard from God and was able to make the necessary changes. It was in that waiting that I did my best growing. And now, it's as I wait each day, hoping I'll be able to receive the next day, that I do my best growing.
So what should you do about that gay couple that comes to church, day in and day out? the answer is simple. Love them. Lead them to Our Lord... and let them know what a sweet, sweet taste He has.
I really agree with what you're saying here. I have to give the RCC props for this wisdom. They've definetly beat most of the other churches in this area. But I did have one question.
What about in the Bible where it talked about if a christian was found in sin that they where to be confronted in private. But if they didn't repent then you where to take an elder and witness and then confront them, and if they still didn't repent you where supposed to bring it before the whole church...
SO..... I agree that we should extend grace and love and welcome to all peoples, but with Alcoholics and people practicing homosexuality, what about that above verse? about confronting them? I mean... yeah... it's complicated.
There are so many things I like about this question it's hard to know where to begin. Let me start by saying that this is one of the greatest differences I've encountered since my return to the Church of Rome. And it's no small issue. As a protestant, it was ingrained in me that other people's souls' were somehow my responsibility. That evangelical urge played itself out in many ways--- in never letting an opportunity to share the gospel slip past, in the way I dealt with issues of sin in my house and in my relationships.
If you'll recall, on the fourth of July last year I was enjoying the fireworks on post in a beautiful, all-american, military-pride kind of setting, and I found myself confronted with this difference full force. The people one house down from our BBQ had invited their whole church to a big tent they put up, and our whole group was Catholics. There were little differences... like, we had beer, and they didn't, but there were big differences too. As I chased my toddlers around the grass I overheard conversation after conversation that rubbed me the wrong way... where one person was basically telling another person "hey brother, you're in sin there," and the other would say "yeah, man, you're right." But it would be over something totally trivial. One guy was "confronted" because he had come over to our house and asked us for a beer. of course, he got railed on because he was supposed to be witnessing to US, the unsaved Catholics, but instead he was taking OUR hospitality and, woe is him, actually having alcohol.
Another conversation was about how unsaved Catholics are and what a shame it was. They were basically sitting there watching us have our gathering and thinking to themselves "Man, it stinks that those people are going to hell and they're just sitting there grilling Tri-Tip."
The thing about it was... they didn't know us from adam or eve. They had NO CLUE if we were going to heaven or not, they just made this immediate assumption based on this fact: The group next door is Catholic.
Now, don't get me wrong.. I've been there. But my stance now is this: If it doesn't look good, I'm not going to get anywhere with someone by doing anything other than pointing the way I know will get to heaven. In other words, instead of worrying about who is wrong all the time, how about we just show people what is right?
Those types of conversations reminded me (since I hadn't really been around protestants for a few months) of that element of constantly being ON each other, holding each other accountable, etc. Catholics REALLY don't do that.
When a Catholic looks around and sees someone is in some serious sin, they do one of three things (or all three!)
If the person is in any kind of leadership position (from teaching catechism to being an extraordinary Eucharistic minister) they make sure to let the priest know they noticed and don't like it. In other words, they ensure that those in roles of leadership/high visibility are living honorable lives, period.
The second thing they will do is light a candle for them or pray a rosary for them. And yes, sometimes, talk amongst themselves about it, although I'm sure they go to confession if they do! (GUILTY! :P)What a difference from how I felt as a protestant, constantly under the scrutiny of multiple watchful eyes. I remember the day I quit smoking. I looked back on the YEARS of hiding my cigarettes, my breath, my ashtrays, that I did so that my protestant friends wouldn't bug me about it. Would my smoking time have been shortened if people just allowed me to be who I was and grow without being stifled? Would I have opened up more, shared more, been more challenged? I don't know. What I do know is that I learned in that time that even though I can hide things from PEOPLE, God still knows what I'm doing. And that was a good lesson. However, consider this:
The number one reason why people polled by evangelicals say they choose to be unchurched is because, and I quote, "Christians are hypocrites." In other words, we say one thing and do another. And how true is that??? Protestant churches tend to look like cookie cutter images of "perfect" people. When you set foot inside one, you get kind of blown away by the "beautiful people." Not so of Catholic environments, in which you look around and see a big, heartbreaking, beautiful mess.
My general feeling is that in Catholic Circles, people worry about their own souls and pray for others, whereas in Protestant Circles, people worry about other people's souls and pray for themselves. This is a generalization, of course, but it's just this sense I get from having experienced both---- I know that one of the most attractive things for me about returning to the Catholic Church was that I was going to have the ability once again to be a "face in a pew" that no one could talk about, look at, or judge. Just a person. On a journey. That other people didn't get to determine for me.
Now there is a fine line here that can not be crossed. Scripture says that it is GOOD for us to fellowship, that it is GOOD for there to be two or three witnesses, a multitude of counselors, etc. But it's that sense of having spiritual advice forced on you at all turns that chokes the life out of you. My whole ordeal with my husband and our family's personal journey, into California, our of California... man. That was a great example. We couldn't be "sent out" because no one in our immediate community of believers wanted us to leave. The people in California, of course, were super excited. But when we got to California and realized that God had us there for a different reason than we had initially thought and that we HEAVILY doctrinally disagreed with the Church we had come out there to help in the first place, THAT Church wouldn't send us back out, because they wanted us to stay. And yet, all the while, God was working, and people were attempting to stand in His way. The World DOES need to know the Lord. the world DOES need to hear from God. But the evangelical "prototype" of using a megaphone in crowds and individually addressing each member of the community with their personal sin is just sooo... bleh.
Does this mean that if your sister or brother is in sin you shouldn't address it?? Of course you should. But take first the LOG out of your own eye before you worry about the splinter in your brother's. See what I mean?
The other part of that is that we (Catholics) have something that other Christians don't have: unity in the faith. We have apostolic authority. Every night, before we go to sleep, we do what's called an "examination of conscience." We ask ourselves (and God!) to show us where we have sinned and in what ways our conscience is telling us that we have offended God and our neighbor, and those are the things which we bring to the confessional. Because we go to the confessional, we can be assured that the spiritual direction we receive from our priest, who is our representative of apostolic authority and who does, says, and represents the EXACT same faith (down the minute details) as all other priests and bishops around the entire world, will guide us not in his personal direction but in the direction of sanctity. In other words, Catholics all believe the same exact things. There are no dissensions in the ranks of Catholics. And those who do not are simply removing themselves from the Church of their own accord.
Because of this unity in the faith, we don't HAVE to hammer other people. We can ALL point to the place in the catechism where it says X, Y, or Z about how to live one's life. So we can ALL grow personally, individually, and collectively by adhering to the Word of God as it has been revealed to the apostles and continues to be. Because of this, there are no disagreements. And because there are no disagreeements, we don't have to give people a hard time.
How this plays out with the homosexuality issue is that we KNOW, from the Bible, and from Sacred Tradition, that homosexuality is wrong. It is not a debatable issue, it is not something that we can pick and choose about, and there are no uncertain terms. All Catholic persons are required to believe this, and all members of the Magesterium are required to continue to teach this. It simply IS.
Because of that fact, we don't need to eternally pound on people about it. If they should happen to come to a place in their lives where they question this teaching, then they can be directed to any number of passages in scripture and in the catechism that reflect these teachings. They are then faced with a choice: either they buy it or not. The result of NOT buying it is tangible in our Church in the sense that those who are not in union with the teachings of the Church are not to receive our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.
We teach straight from the Bible, that those who receive communion who are living in sin are reaping condemnation onto themselves. Thus the practicing homosexual (just as, for example, the person who is taking Birth Control) who receives communion is, in essence, condemning themselves. Our job is to protect people from doing so--- we refuse communion from non Catholics and non-practicing Catholics not to protect Our LORD, but to protect THEM.
Because there are two parts to the Mass, we must then acknowledge that there is no scandal whatsoever in the welcoming of the all people to hear the word of God proclaimed. Even persons who are excommunicated may hear the Word of God-- and should!
In the Latin Mass, the community then made a differentiation-- only those who could RECIEVE the Lord should remain for the second portion, which is the Eucharistic Feast. There was the mass of the catechumens, and the mass of the faithful.
Now, in the Novus Ordo, we just keep on truckin'.... and persons who wish to remain may remain, although they are asked in no uncertain terms not to receive the Host.
I've been in Protestant Churches where we "put people out" from the fellowship because of continued sin. And it always sat wrong with me. But the reason it did wasn't clear until I returned to the Catholic Church. If we don't allow people to hear the Word of God proclaimed, how will their hearts be changed?
Preventing people from receiving the Eucharist is a whole different story. I wasn't able to receive the day I believed, and that waiting nearly killed me. It was in that waiting that I re-examined myself and my life and heard from God and was able to make the necessary changes. It was in that waiting that I did my best growing. And now, it's as I wait each day, hoping I'll be able to receive the next day, that I do my best growing.
So what should you do about that gay couple that comes to church, day in and day out? the answer is simple. Love them. Lead them to Our Lord... and let them know what a sweet, sweet taste He has.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Gay Thing.
I'm writing this blog for my dearest Amanda, who shocked the heck out of me tonight by proclaiming not once, but twice, that pastors should be prevented from preaching that homosexuality is wrong, and that their churches should be shut down, as they are proclaiming hate speech, which is illegal in this country.
Whew. There are so many things wrong with that line of thinking I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in line, but let's start here:
Homosexuality, as a whole, as an issue, is about PEOPLE. The concern, I'm certain, that persons like Amanda experience when hearing that we are proclaiming in churches that being gay is wrong is that we are vilifying people. And she might be totally shocked and surprised to know that I'm actually in agreement there.
The Roman Catholic Church, in all her wisdom (hehe) has defined the issue in a manner that I am quite certain most protestants and evangelicals have never considered, and I would like to share it here.
When we say "homosexuality," in Roman Catholic Churches, we are talking about the physical homosexual act-- an action in which two persons who are the same sex engage in sexual behavior. THIS is what we preach against, teach against, and warn against. THIS is what priests expect to hear in the confessional and what makes us avert our eyes in shock.
What "homosexuality" as a term used to define a sin does NOT encompass is what we Catholics call SSA. Same Sex Attraction. The Church teaches that there is NO SIN... I repeat, NOT a sin, to be found in the "natural" inclination that some persons have to attraction towards another person of a similar sex. Persons with SSA, like ALL people, should be treated equally, respectfully, and in a manner which fully honors their inherent human dignity. Persons with SSA should do exactly what is required for people withOUT SSA..... look for ways to live a chaste life.
As a married woman, I am just as called to chastity as a person with SSA might be. Chastity is not excused for heterosexuals. Chastity is an evangelical counsel, something which is required in order to become "perfect," (as our heavenly Father is perfect.) Spending some time getting to know the idea of "Evangelical counsels" would be very beneficial here.
It is NOT required of all people. Chastity is not binding to all men, nor is it binding to all believers. Chastity, like it's brothers poverty and obedience, is required only of those who wish to be "perfect."
Me? I certainly wish to become perfect. As a part of my calling as a Catholic, a Wife, and a Carmelite, I have made Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience a goal and purpose. But that's me. I live a consecrated life.
All other believers (and indeed, nonbelievers!) are CALLED to be consecrated to the Lord, but that doesn't mean that they all will respond to that calling.
I certainly don't expect everyone on the planet to wake up one morning saying "gee, poverty, chastity, and obedience! Sounds great! Sign me up!"
Because of this, I cannot in good conscience "force" anyone to accept that the performance of homosexual actions will injure or harm their soul. Of this, the Church is fully aware. Our job is to be OPEN to people with SSA in such a way that they might feel welcome and loved in our community, not rejected, not marginalized, not loathed. Likewise, our job is to take a firm stance against anything which might project the image or idea that taking those sexual actions of homosexuality will result in anything good, or noble, or honorable. This does NOT negate the nobility or honor of the person with SSA, but rather affirms that this person is special in God's eyes and is loved, for "whom the Lord loves, He disciplines."
In our church, for example, there is a person who attends mass each week in drag. This person comes and is welcomed into the community. At the sign of the peace, this person is hugged, and handshaked, and given the "kiss of peace." BUT this person, because of his actions, must willingly submit to the Church's decision that he shall not recieve communion until he has come to terms with his call to chastity. Pursuing a life in drag, for this person, means blending gender and furthering the cause of other persons who also dress in drag because of SSA. This person may not even be HAVING a homosexual relationship, but the very nature of his attire tells us that he is still seeking to somehow identify with persons who commit these acts, and because of that idenitifcation, he must wait until he himself is ready to identify with Christ and His Church alone.
These things are not said or done to demean a person or diminish their human worth. Christianity welcomes the sinner and asks that room be made for any who would come to the table. But we cannot be saved if we do not first repent--- recognizing that we actually NEED a savior because of our sin. We cannot be filled if we do not first come empty.
Each and every person, Straight, or SSA, seated in our pews daily must come to this realization on their own. The Church welcomes those who are still journeying towards this realization--- after all, we are a pilgrim church.
Nevertheless, we must take care not to give the impression that we are like the Athenians Paul was so horrified by on his missions trip--- where absolutely anything goes.
In this issue, like many of the "hotbed" political issues facing the Church today, we must take care to remember that we are here for PEOPLE, not machines, not objects, not THINGS which we can simply place in this pile or that pile and move on with our lives.
I remember a day not long ago when I was waiting in line for the confessional. A hispanic girl in short jean shorts and the lowest cut top I'd ever seen walked into the Church actually carrying a starbucks cup. She swayed seductively up to the cross and passed the altar and tabernacle without a hint of reverence. She popped her gum and lifted her sunglasses atop her head. The beautiful silence of the sanctuary where I was praying with my covered head was interrupted by the echoing, loud clickety clack of her platform heels. And my inital response, I'll admit, was to snort and judge. Who in the heck did she think she was profaning my sacred moment like that? But the Lord quickly showed me the darkness of my heart as the girl lit a candle and began to pray earnestly. He gave me a Word of Knowledge about her...... that allowed me to see that this was the first time in a long time that she had a need that had brought her to a Church. And who would I be? The welcoming, smiling person she encountered on her way out who reminded her that we were happy she was here? Or the person who sneered and judged. Lord, let me always be a welcoming light.
So what of the same-sex couple who persists in coming to church, day in and day out, for years on end? Many Christians would say that these persons should eventually be ostracized-- after all, they've been "exposed to the truth" and persist in their sin, right? But the Catholic Church has a different response. As long as this couple lives, it is our duty to smile the smile of welcome, day in, and day out, and to open our doors. It is our duty to love, to serve, and to honor these beautiful, precious people in whom we should see the face of Jesus.
This couple may not be able to recieve our Lord because the pre-requisite repentance has not been reached, but this couple should be always made to feel at home in the pews of our Parishes.
You see, preaching against homosexuality doesn't mean that we think people are objects, machines, or things. It certainly wouldn't create a culture of hate crimes or danger for these precious souls. It creates an environment in which thoughtful dialogue, both internal and external, should be reached. It creates a safe space where these moral issues can be discussed far from fear of anger or retaliation or judgement or disgust. Most of all, it creates an avenue for God to move hearts more towards love and more towards kindness and compassion.... because both heterosexuals and persons with SSA will encounter in our Churches a God who loved them more than they even love themselves and each other. And THAT is what this is all about.
Whew. There are so many things wrong with that line of thinking I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in line, but let's start here:
Homosexuality, as a whole, as an issue, is about PEOPLE. The concern, I'm certain, that persons like Amanda experience when hearing that we are proclaiming in churches that being gay is wrong is that we are vilifying people. And she might be totally shocked and surprised to know that I'm actually in agreement there.
The Roman Catholic Church, in all her wisdom (hehe) has defined the issue in a manner that I am quite certain most protestants and evangelicals have never considered, and I would like to share it here.
When we say "homosexuality," in Roman Catholic Churches, we are talking about the physical homosexual act-- an action in which two persons who are the same sex engage in sexual behavior. THIS is what we preach against, teach against, and warn against. THIS is what priests expect to hear in the confessional and what makes us avert our eyes in shock.
What "homosexuality" as a term used to define a sin does NOT encompass is what we Catholics call SSA. Same Sex Attraction. The Church teaches that there is NO SIN... I repeat, NOT a sin, to be found in the "natural" inclination that some persons have to attraction towards another person of a similar sex. Persons with SSA, like ALL people, should be treated equally, respectfully, and in a manner which fully honors their inherent human dignity. Persons with SSA should do exactly what is required for people withOUT SSA..... look for ways to live a chaste life.
As a married woman, I am just as called to chastity as a person with SSA might be. Chastity is not excused for heterosexuals. Chastity is an evangelical counsel, something which is required in order to become "perfect," (as our heavenly Father is perfect.) Spending some time getting to know the idea of "Evangelical counsels" would be very beneficial here.
It is NOT required of all people. Chastity is not binding to all men, nor is it binding to all believers. Chastity, like it's brothers poverty and obedience, is required only of those who wish to be "perfect."
Me? I certainly wish to become perfect. As a part of my calling as a Catholic, a Wife, and a Carmelite, I have made Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience a goal and purpose. But that's me. I live a consecrated life.
All other believers (and indeed, nonbelievers!) are CALLED to be consecrated to the Lord, but that doesn't mean that they all will respond to that calling.
I certainly don't expect everyone on the planet to wake up one morning saying "gee, poverty, chastity, and obedience! Sounds great! Sign me up!"
Because of this, I cannot in good conscience "force" anyone to accept that the performance of homosexual actions will injure or harm their soul. Of this, the Church is fully aware. Our job is to be OPEN to people with SSA in such a way that they might feel welcome and loved in our community, not rejected, not marginalized, not loathed. Likewise, our job is to take a firm stance against anything which might project the image or idea that taking those sexual actions of homosexuality will result in anything good, or noble, or honorable. This does NOT negate the nobility or honor of the person with SSA, but rather affirms that this person is special in God's eyes and is loved, for "whom the Lord loves, He disciplines."
In our church, for example, there is a person who attends mass each week in drag. This person comes and is welcomed into the community. At the sign of the peace, this person is hugged, and handshaked, and given the "kiss of peace." BUT this person, because of his actions, must willingly submit to the Church's decision that he shall not recieve communion until he has come to terms with his call to chastity. Pursuing a life in drag, for this person, means blending gender and furthering the cause of other persons who also dress in drag because of SSA. This person may not even be HAVING a homosexual relationship, but the very nature of his attire tells us that he is still seeking to somehow identify with persons who commit these acts, and because of that idenitifcation, he must wait until he himself is ready to identify with Christ and His Church alone.
These things are not said or done to demean a person or diminish their human worth. Christianity welcomes the sinner and asks that room be made for any who would come to the table. But we cannot be saved if we do not first repent--- recognizing that we actually NEED a savior because of our sin. We cannot be filled if we do not first come empty.
Each and every person, Straight, or SSA, seated in our pews daily must come to this realization on their own. The Church welcomes those who are still journeying towards this realization--- after all, we are a pilgrim church.
Nevertheless, we must take care not to give the impression that we are like the Athenians Paul was so horrified by on his missions trip--- where absolutely anything goes.
In this issue, like many of the "hotbed" political issues facing the Church today, we must take care to remember that we are here for PEOPLE, not machines, not objects, not THINGS which we can simply place in this pile or that pile and move on with our lives.
I remember a day not long ago when I was waiting in line for the confessional. A hispanic girl in short jean shorts and the lowest cut top I'd ever seen walked into the Church actually carrying a starbucks cup. She swayed seductively up to the cross and passed the altar and tabernacle without a hint of reverence. She popped her gum and lifted her sunglasses atop her head. The beautiful silence of the sanctuary where I was praying with my covered head was interrupted by the echoing, loud clickety clack of her platform heels. And my inital response, I'll admit, was to snort and judge. Who in the heck did she think she was profaning my sacred moment like that? But the Lord quickly showed me the darkness of my heart as the girl lit a candle and began to pray earnestly. He gave me a Word of Knowledge about her...... that allowed me to see that this was the first time in a long time that she had a need that had brought her to a Church. And who would I be? The welcoming, smiling person she encountered on her way out who reminded her that we were happy she was here? Or the person who sneered and judged. Lord, let me always be a welcoming light.
So what of the same-sex couple who persists in coming to church, day in and day out, for years on end? Many Christians would say that these persons should eventually be ostracized-- after all, they've been "exposed to the truth" and persist in their sin, right? But the Catholic Church has a different response. As long as this couple lives, it is our duty to smile the smile of welcome, day in, and day out, and to open our doors. It is our duty to love, to serve, and to honor these beautiful, precious people in whom we should see the face of Jesus.
This couple may not be able to recieve our Lord because the pre-requisite repentance has not been reached, but this couple should be always made to feel at home in the pews of our Parishes.
You see, preaching against homosexuality doesn't mean that we think people are objects, machines, or things. It certainly wouldn't create a culture of hate crimes or danger for these precious souls. It creates an environment in which thoughtful dialogue, both internal and external, should be reached. It creates a safe space where these moral issues can be discussed far from fear of anger or retaliation or judgement or disgust. Most of all, it creates an avenue for God to move hearts more towards love and more towards kindness and compassion.... because both heterosexuals and persons with SSA will encounter in our Churches a God who loved them more than they even love themselves and each other. And THAT is what this is all about.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Yet another treatise on Submission
Those DAR ravelers are at it again, and this time instead of getting into a seventy-hour arguement that ends with me smashing my head against the nearest brick wall, I thought I would lay out my thoughts, point blank, in a blog.
The topic at hand is "submission:" What it means, how it works, why it looks different than in other households, why it isn't a BDSM game, and why the Pearls over at No Greater Joy Ministries are or aren't awesome.
Let's start with the basics. In conservative "biblical" homes, we practice a type of submission which places special emphasis on two points. First, we are called to "mutual submission." ie, according to Ephesians 5 we are called to submit to one another in love. Likewise, we practice "wifely submission," because scripture tells us wives to "submit to our husbands."
The very first thing I hear lots of women who subscribe to this theory say in their own defense is to immediately call out "I'm submitted, but that doesn't mean I'm a doormat." I suspect that this response has something to do with their own insecurities as women.... after all, I'm not ashamed to say that sometimes, it DOES mean being a doormat! But the point they are trying to make is a valid one-- it's that we are first of all choosing to do the right thing and submit to our husbands. No one has forced us to take this decision. And no, that doesn't mean feminists gave us that right, although they like to take that credit, I've noticed.
Second, I want to say this: the well-ordered biblical, ephesians home comes under the headship of Christ, who is manifested in the headship of the husband who seeks Him, through the love of the wife who seeks Him. In other words, if the husband is following Christ, then what do we need to fear by submitting to him? Unfortunately for us, we all marry sinners. And that's where it gets complex, because it confounds some people that we can marry sinners and yet accept and love them as they are rather than placing demands on them.
For some of us, this plays out more than others. In this complicated world of mixed up gender roles and the virtual erasing of our sexual differences, we are often faced with the notion, even from birth, that we should somehow transcend traditional gender roles and forego the old "boys with trucks and girls with dolls" thing. Since the sixties, our parents have been progressively hammering us with this feminist garbage (even my parents tried... I've blogged before about my terrifying discovery of the book "Minou" in my child's bookshelf.) and as a result, gender roles are being virtually erased.
Fifty years ago, men waited in the waiting room with cigars while women supported and surrounded each other in the birthing room--- now men are catching babies themselves and eating the placenta. It used to be that moms wore aprons and changed diapers, and served hot meals on cue with fresh lipstick on and not one hair out of place. Nowadays, guys come home from work for the baby handoff to a wife in sweats who is ordering chinese. I could go on and on, but you get what I'm saying... things have changed so much that it's actually quite shocking to ANYONE these days to imagine that things could ever have "worked" the old way.
So, with that in mind, I present to you my submitted marriage for scrutiny.
In order to get a full picture, you first must lose the whole puritan, victorian-era "buttoned up, hair up" mentality that you imagine when you hear the word "submission." Automatically, I know most of you have visions of cold, docile, uptight wives. Scratch that.... I'm talking about a household full of love, warmth, and tenderness. I'm talking about a household where the kids are in line, where the joy is tangible, and where smiles get passed around.
Now, it doesn't always start out the way you'd think.
In my house, I'll be totally blunt, my work sucks. I do everything (and I do mean everything, I even take out the trash around here) around the house. I cook, I clean, I homeschool, I organize, I pay bills, I fix broken things, I play, I bathe, I change diapers, I wake up in the night with the kids, I make breakfast for everyone, I do mountains of laundry, and the list goes on and on. I did this as a married woman, I did it when I was pregnant, and I did it when I was pregnant with a toddler. As of today, I can't imagine that I will ever NOT be doing this. I have not slept more than six hours in a row since 2004. And those who know me personally know that I occasionally find extreme frustration in it and NOT joy-- but if I really examine myself in those moments, I find that the reason for that is that I am totally, completely, and incredibly submerged in myself. Those moments tend to happen when people either feel sorry for me and get me thinking, or when they talk amongst themselves and get me thinking. Either way, it's when I allow other people's opinions to cloud what I KNOW I'm called to do.
You see, I have a husband who simply doesn't respond well to nagging. Furthermore, I have a husband who won't stand for whining. And when it comes down to it, I have a husband who really, truly, and genuinely finds happiness when things are "running smoothly." Furthermore, I have a husband who can be at worst a bear and at best a HUGE pain in the butt when he's in a bad mood and things are not "running smoothly" according to his standards.
Second, I ask you to consider that not all men are the same.
When I was growing up, I had lots of examples of "submitted wives" to choose from. I saw how in many marriages, the women would serve the men and give their all, and how the men would only periodically recognize the great effort it took for these women. I also have seen how in many cases these men who allowed themselves to be served also treasured their women above all other things... Like the proverbs 31 woman, they know their wives are as priceless as rubies. In my own life, this is certainly the case-- my husband often amazes me with the level of love he gives me.
I have friends who are committed to being submitted wives and whose marriages look NOTHING like mine. Debi Pearl, in her book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" which will change your life if you let it, says that this is because men are created differently. She breaks them down into three types: Mr. Command Man, (in the image of God the Father), Mr. Visionary, (in the image of God the Holy Spirit) and Mr. Steady (in the image of GOd the Son). Our wifely submission looks different in each case because we are better helpmeets to our men if we are aware of what personality type they have and adjust accordingly. My Mr. Command man doesn't want to "create the family vision," he just wants everything to go well until he makes an adjustment. So, it annoys him to no end if I ask him to participate in the "planning stages." Other husbands, different stories. The key to submission is to LET your man be who he is and to work with that to help him be the best he is so that in turn he can lead you to be the best YOU are.
It doesn't take much effort to figure out who is who--- and obviously I, like Ms Pearl, am married to a Mr. Command man. Many of you will say you are certainly glad NOT to be married to one, but I (and I'm sure Ms. Pearl) can testify that the joys of being a successful helpmeet to a Mr Command Man far outweigh the joys we personally would experience being married to a Mr. anything else man. Why? Because we know God knew what He was doing when He put us with our men!
Likewise, a non-subscriber to the "Submitted" wifestyle might ask how in the world one goes about solving problems if we're always saying "yes" to our husbands. The answer to that is that we don't. Sometimes, we say no!
the thing is, we do two things which I consider wise indeed. First, we pick our battles. and second, we make what's called a "biblical appeal." We wait for the right time, we choose ways to show why we're right through scripture, and we practice patience, knowing when to step out and pray and close our mouths.
SOMETIMES being a good helpmeet means standing UP to a husband. It means taking the time to help him grow by loving and patiently challenging him to do so. But it never means nagging, whining, manipulating or self-serving.
Some people might read these ideas and think... "hey, that's fine for her, her husband is a Christian."
But I will tell you that even if your husband is not, no man on earth would NOT be won over heart and soul for being met every day with a wife who puts his needs and concerns first. It's particularly easy, I've noticed, for moms with busy households to put the kids first before the husband. I'm certainly guilty of this one at times. But then i am reminded that LONG after the kids are gone, he and I will be here, and that should be a good reminder for anyone to invest in a marriage more than anything else.
Lastly, I often get asked two things: First, what makes a submitted wifestyle family different from "my" average American family, and second, what about those people who have husbands who are real jerks?
A submitted wifestyle home looks different from yours because it is pleasing to God. It's really that simple--- no matter how you look at it, we receive certain blessings and graces that we can only be open to through our willingness to submit to God's order. Because we are willing to practice submission and die to ourselves, we are able to grow in beautiful, meaningful ways that you, the non-submitter, will not. And that's plain old bible truth, as they say around here.
Second, well what about those husbands who simply don't deserve such a gloriously kind example of a woman? Because believe me, they are out there. To them I say.... shape up. But if they don't, then what? If my husband treats me poorly, what am I to do? I am to continue to love Him, to follow my Lord and Savior's example to turn the other cheek, and to know that two wrongs don't make a right-- just because HE is wrong doesn't mean I have to be too. It takes some guts to live this way, as a wife with a husband who is---shall we say--less than ideal. And yet, if you do, two things will happen: For one, he will change. He has to. And for another, he will be judged. He has to.
Of course, I always meet those women who say to me: well, that sounds fine and nice, but if he beats you, etc , then you have to get out of there. To whom I say... yes. Get safe. Find a safe place. Call the police. Put him in jail. But don't stop praying for him, loving him, and asking God to change his heart. That kind of wife always makes a difference, and she can truly be proud that she has accomplished something great. The wife who leaves and never looks back? She's the one who didn't fulfill her perfect vocation to give of herself and find herself in that gift.
What does it mean to submit to my husband? It means at the very least to give him honor and reverence due his position, regardless of his character and virtue, and to find in selfless love of him the joy of having completed what I was born and called to do.
The topic at hand is "submission:" What it means, how it works, why it looks different than in other households, why it isn't a BDSM game, and why the Pearls over at No Greater Joy Ministries are or aren't awesome.
Let's start with the basics. In conservative "biblical" homes, we practice a type of submission which places special emphasis on two points. First, we are called to "mutual submission." ie, according to Ephesians 5 we are called to submit to one another in love. Likewise, we practice "wifely submission," because scripture tells us wives to "submit to our husbands."
The very first thing I hear lots of women who subscribe to this theory say in their own defense is to immediately call out "I'm submitted, but that doesn't mean I'm a doormat." I suspect that this response has something to do with their own insecurities as women.... after all, I'm not ashamed to say that sometimes, it DOES mean being a doormat! But the point they are trying to make is a valid one-- it's that we are first of all choosing to do the right thing and submit to our husbands. No one has forced us to take this decision. And no, that doesn't mean feminists gave us that right, although they like to take that credit, I've noticed.
Second, I want to say this: the well-ordered biblical, ephesians home comes under the headship of Christ, who is manifested in the headship of the husband who seeks Him, through the love of the wife who seeks Him. In other words, if the husband is following Christ, then what do we need to fear by submitting to him? Unfortunately for us, we all marry sinners. And that's where it gets complex, because it confounds some people that we can marry sinners and yet accept and love them as they are rather than placing demands on them.
For some of us, this plays out more than others. In this complicated world of mixed up gender roles and the virtual erasing of our sexual differences, we are often faced with the notion, even from birth, that we should somehow transcend traditional gender roles and forego the old "boys with trucks and girls with dolls" thing. Since the sixties, our parents have been progressively hammering us with this feminist garbage (even my parents tried... I've blogged before about my terrifying discovery of the book "Minou" in my child's bookshelf.) and as a result, gender roles are being virtually erased.
Fifty years ago, men waited in the waiting room with cigars while women supported and surrounded each other in the birthing room--- now men are catching babies themselves and eating the placenta. It used to be that moms wore aprons and changed diapers, and served hot meals on cue with fresh lipstick on and not one hair out of place. Nowadays, guys come home from work for the baby handoff to a wife in sweats who is ordering chinese. I could go on and on, but you get what I'm saying... things have changed so much that it's actually quite shocking to ANYONE these days to imagine that things could ever have "worked" the old way.
So, with that in mind, I present to you my submitted marriage for scrutiny.
In order to get a full picture, you first must lose the whole puritan, victorian-era "buttoned up, hair up" mentality that you imagine when you hear the word "submission." Automatically, I know most of you have visions of cold, docile, uptight wives. Scratch that.... I'm talking about a household full of love, warmth, and tenderness. I'm talking about a household where the kids are in line, where the joy is tangible, and where smiles get passed around.
Now, it doesn't always start out the way you'd think.
In my house, I'll be totally blunt, my work sucks. I do everything (and I do mean everything, I even take out the trash around here) around the house. I cook, I clean, I homeschool, I organize, I pay bills, I fix broken things, I play, I bathe, I change diapers, I wake up in the night with the kids, I make breakfast for everyone, I do mountains of laundry, and the list goes on and on. I did this as a married woman, I did it when I was pregnant, and I did it when I was pregnant with a toddler. As of today, I can't imagine that I will ever NOT be doing this. I have not slept more than six hours in a row since 2004. And those who know me personally know that I occasionally find extreme frustration in it and NOT joy-- but if I really examine myself in those moments, I find that the reason for that is that I am totally, completely, and incredibly submerged in myself. Those moments tend to happen when people either feel sorry for me and get me thinking, or when they talk amongst themselves and get me thinking. Either way, it's when I allow other people's opinions to cloud what I KNOW I'm called to do.
You see, I have a husband who simply doesn't respond well to nagging. Furthermore, I have a husband who won't stand for whining. And when it comes down to it, I have a husband who really, truly, and genuinely finds happiness when things are "running smoothly." Furthermore, I have a husband who can be at worst a bear and at best a HUGE pain in the butt when he's in a bad mood and things are not "running smoothly" according to his standards.
Second, I ask you to consider that not all men are the same.
When I was growing up, I had lots of examples of "submitted wives" to choose from. I saw how in many marriages, the women would serve the men and give their all, and how the men would only periodically recognize the great effort it took for these women. I also have seen how in many cases these men who allowed themselves to be served also treasured their women above all other things... Like the proverbs 31 woman, they know their wives are as priceless as rubies. In my own life, this is certainly the case-- my husband often amazes me with the level of love he gives me.
I have friends who are committed to being submitted wives and whose marriages look NOTHING like mine. Debi Pearl, in her book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" which will change your life if you let it, says that this is because men are created differently. She breaks them down into three types: Mr. Command Man, (in the image of God the Father), Mr. Visionary, (in the image of God the Holy Spirit) and Mr. Steady (in the image of GOd the Son). Our wifely submission looks different in each case because we are better helpmeets to our men if we are aware of what personality type they have and adjust accordingly. My Mr. Command man doesn't want to "create the family vision," he just wants everything to go well until he makes an adjustment. So, it annoys him to no end if I ask him to participate in the "planning stages." Other husbands, different stories. The key to submission is to LET your man be who he is and to work with that to help him be the best he is so that in turn he can lead you to be the best YOU are.
It doesn't take much effort to figure out who is who--- and obviously I, like Ms Pearl, am married to a Mr. Command man. Many of you will say you are certainly glad NOT to be married to one, but I (and I'm sure Ms. Pearl) can testify that the joys of being a successful helpmeet to a Mr Command Man far outweigh the joys we personally would experience being married to a Mr. anything else man. Why? Because we know God knew what He was doing when He put us with our men!
Likewise, a non-subscriber to the "Submitted" wifestyle might ask how in the world one goes about solving problems if we're always saying "yes" to our husbands. The answer to that is that we don't. Sometimes, we say no!
the thing is, we do two things which I consider wise indeed. First, we pick our battles. and second, we make what's called a "biblical appeal." We wait for the right time, we choose ways to show why we're right through scripture, and we practice patience, knowing when to step out and pray and close our mouths.
SOMETIMES being a good helpmeet means standing UP to a husband. It means taking the time to help him grow by loving and patiently challenging him to do so. But it never means nagging, whining, manipulating or self-serving.
Some people might read these ideas and think... "hey, that's fine for her, her husband is a Christian."
But I will tell you that even if your husband is not, no man on earth would NOT be won over heart and soul for being met every day with a wife who puts his needs and concerns first. It's particularly easy, I've noticed, for moms with busy households to put the kids first before the husband. I'm certainly guilty of this one at times. But then i am reminded that LONG after the kids are gone, he and I will be here, and that should be a good reminder for anyone to invest in a marriage more than anything else.
Lastly, I often get asked two things: First, what makes a submitted wifestyle family different from "my" average American family, and second, what about those people who have husbands who are real jerks?
A submitted wifestyle home looks different from yours because it is pleasing to God. It's really that simple--- no matter how you look at it, we receive certain blessings and graces that we can only be open to through our willingness to submit to God's order. Because we are willing to practice submission and die to ourselves, we are able to grow in beautiful, meaningful ways that you, the non-submitter, will not. And that's plain old bible truth, as they say around here.
Second, well what about those husbands who simply don't deserve such a gloriously kind example of a woman? Because believe me, they are out there. To them I say.... shape up. But if they don't, then what? If my husband treats me poorly, what am I to do? I am to continue to love Him, to follow my Lord and Savior's example to turn the other cheek, and to know that two wrongs don't make a right-- just because HE is wrong doesn't mean I have to be too. It takes some guts to live this way, as a wife with a husband who is---shall we say--less than ideal. And yet, if you do, two things will happen: For one, he will change. He has to. And for another, he will be judged. He has to.
Of course, I always meet those women who say to me: well, that sounds fine and nice, but if he beats you, etc , then you have to get out of there. To whom I say... yes. Get safe. Find a safe place. Call the police. Put him in jail. But don't stop praying for him, loving him, and asking God to change his heart. That kind of wife always makes a difference, and she can truly be proud that she has accomplished something great. The wife who leaves and never looks back? She's the one who didn't fulfill her perfect vocation to give of herself and find herself in that gift.
What does it mean to submit to my husband? It means at the very least to give him honor and reverence due his position, regardless of his character and virtue, and to find in selfless love of him the joy of having completed what I was born and called to do.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Evangelical Urge
Sunday's mass on EWTN had a phenomenal priest, Father Scott Hayne, from Chicago. His homily was a twenty-minute powerhouse designed to set some things straight: that God and the Devil are real, that the Church is losing her way but never will be completely lost, and that every day we are the Church Militant--- winning and losing ground on the battlefield.
I've said before that I feel like Fox Mulder on the X Files nearly every day, but the more I get to know and observe others who have had experiences with Evil, the more I'm realizing that we ALL have to be that way. There IS a conspiracy of deception at hand. I often feel so justified and confirmed when I pick up spiritual reading or watch spiritual shows.... Everyone I read and listen to, from Teresa of Avila to Father Groeschel to this priest on Sunday, Father Scott Hayne, to Father Corapi to St John of the Cross, ALL of these beautiful holy warriors will tell you the same thing: there is Evil in our midst. Those of us who are aware of it's presence, either by our own curiosity or because we just cannot seem to escape it, know we must do all we can to be a beacon of truth and hope for those who are drowning.
And yet there's that pesky free will issue, the fact that we cannot force anything on anyone. As a parent, I can command my daughter to look both ways before crossing the street, but I cannot force her... if she decides to break away and make a mad dash, there is little I can actually do about it other than pray for her life and possibly jump in the way of the moving vehicles heading towards her. That's how I feel sometimes when I see what people are doing TO THEMSELVES in this world.
In this blog I am going to treat the idea of evangelism, the whys and hows of it, alongside stories that I have personally witnessed which should give you an idea of the value and importance we should place on our evangelism.
Christianity is an evangelical faith-- there is no escaping it. Jesus told us: "Go and make disciples," and so we must. But evangelism doesn't have to mean leaving little notes in our wake that tell people how to make a decision for Christ. It does not have to mean rabidly inviting everyone you know over to the Church each Sunday, or putting flags on your front lawn proclaiming your love of the Lord. These things are fine, and good, but they are not NECESSARY means of evangelism. Rather, evangelism means sharing your faith, which you are challenged to do using the gifts you have in front of you.
For one friend of mine, this means opening her home in a hospitable manner to her neighbor, cooking, cleaning, and serving Jesus to them. For another ,it means using his understanding of philosophy and history to constantly and imperceptibly point students to their need for God. For another, it means wearing a collar and going into the world. For another, it means choosing not to swear when sharing jokes with the guys at the construction site. For another, it means raising godly kids.
Whatever God has done in your life, whatever He has graced you with, He expects you to serve others with it and use it for His glory. And why? Because if you don't, there is another evangelist sharing a false gospel, and he is extremely eager to get in where you don't go.
The presence of Evil pervades nearly everything around us today. Those of us who have been exposed to it are aware of the putrid stench of Hell when we read the New York Times Bestseller list each month. We see flames licking our friends as they watch TV. We hear agonizing, tormented screams over the phone and through our computer screens. We watch inaugurations and UN meetings with a sense of imminent doom. We KNOW it's there-- just under the surface. Paranormal events might phase us, but they don't surprise us. We remember the words of the demon that Father Amorth, chief exorcist of Rome, once cast out which told us--- when asked how many of "them" there were-- that if we could see "them" with our eyes, there were so many of them that "they" would darken the sky.
Evil takes many forms, from blatant satanism to the most unnoticeable of lies disguised as "human compassion."
Just this year, several prominent leaders in popular political parties were arrested and charged for their involvement in Satanic ritual abuse here in Raleigh, NC. Every day across America, children are born to Satanist families which will be used in Satanic ritual abuse. The city of Asheville, NC has the highest satanic crime rate in the area. It is poorly documented because the satanic element has infiltrated every aspect of law enforcement. But if you listen, there are those with stories to tell.
The "conspiracy" is so great that members of all levels and branches of the judicial, executive, and legislative branches have been affected by it to some degree. It is so vast that Clergy are under constant harassment and often succumb to the Enemy. Bishops in our very church are refusing communion to kneeling communicants, but serving drag queens dressed as religious sisters Our Eucharistic Lord. The Jesuit Schools in Los Angeles are hiding pedophiles and furthering the homosexual agenda for the Church. There is literally no where to hide from the evil that exists----- except the arms of Jesus.
Now, before I start sounding like a nutcase (and some of you reading are already saying "too late!") let me be clear. It is my particular calling or election in life to be aware of and disseminate information about the darkness. This does not mean that I think EVERYONE around me is affected to some degree, but I do find it quite astonishing to note just how vast and varied the effects of the darkness actually are.
I will take music, as an example. I am not one of those people who has no music in my home, or who thinks that rock music is the key to eternal condemnation. There are plenty of those people out there and I'm sure you've heard from them. But consider for a moment the severe spiritual state of most modern-day musicians.
For a while there, our children were listening to teenage pop bands like Britney Spears and NSYNC and Backstreet Boys, all of whom incited teens, through their lyrics, to pursue a life of sexual expression outside of marriage. Interestingly,the lyrics of those songs which were blatantly and overtly sexual never seemed to make it to the inside cover of the albums where the lyrics were located. An accident? A coincidence? Or a plot to keep parents from knowing what their kids were REALLY being ingrained with? Why did America wonder why Britney Spears, being managed and advertised as a Pedophile's wet dream in heels and a schoolgirl uniform with braids in her hair and her dolls on her shelf in the background, end up tormented and destroyed?
Or consider these quotes from popular musicians-- the musicians, indeed, who shaped the sixties and seventies and revolutionized an entire generation which rebelled against everything their parents had ingrained in them:
David Bowie:
"Rock has always been THE DEVIL'S MUSIC . . . I believe rock and roll is dangerous . . . I feel we're only heralding SOMETHING EVEN DARKER THAN OURSELVES." (Rolling Stone, Feb. 12, 1976)
Franck Zappa:
"I'm the devil's advocate. We have our own worshippers who are called 'groupies.' Girls will give their bodies to musicians as you would give a sacrifice to a god." (Peters Brothers, What About Christian Rock, p. 17)
Carlos Santana:
"The energy of devils and angels is the same energy; it's how you use it. It's fuel. There is a saying: If you scare all your devils away, the angels will go away with them. You know, the halo and the horns are the same thing. I mean it's OK to be spiritually horny - that's what creative genius is all about. Geniuses don't have time to think about how it's going to be received... they don't have time to think whether people like it or not, is it morally right, will God like it?" (Carlos Santana, Rolling Stone, magazine, March 16, 2000, p. 87).
"...you meditate and you got the candles, you got the incense and you've been chanting, and all of a sudden you hear this voice: 'Write this down' " (Carlos Santana, Rolling Stone magazine, March 16, 2000, p. 41).
JEFFERSON STARSHIP:
"Rock concerts are the churches of today." (Guitarist Craig Chaquico of the rock group 'Jefferson Starship.')
"Get them while they're young and bend their minds." (Spencer Dryden of the rock group 'Jefferson Starship.')
THE EAGLES:
Hotel California is a reference to a Church of Satan located in an old hotel turned mental assylum on California street. One of their songs is titled "have a good day in hell." Anton Lavey, the granddaddy of Satanism, can be seen on the inside cover of their album.
KISS:
"I'm lord of the wasteland, a modern day man of steel
I gather darkness to please me and I COMMAND YOU TO KNEEL
Before, The God of thunder, the god of rock 'n roll
I'LL STEAL YOUR VIRGIN SOUL!""
(incidentally, Gene himself has repeatedly said in an interview that they were going to name the band a certain "F" Word, but decided to name it KISS because they couldn't get away with the initial idea.)
ACDC:
One need only glance at the lyrics to Highway to Hell, and Hell's bells, to get an idea.
PINK FLOYD:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want . . .
With bright knives he RELEASETH MY SOUL
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places . . .
For lo, he hath great power and GREAT HUNGER."
ROLLING STONES:
Phew. There is such a slew of satanic stuff to tell about Mick Jagger and the Rolling stones that I would recommend just doing a google search for "Satanic Rolling Stones."
The BEATLES:
Don't get me started on the lyrics to "imagine," but how about the cover of Sgt pepper? Notice Aleister Crowley in the picture? The names and faces were the beatles' heros as they publically proclaimed that they were taking LSD.
And these are just the beginning.
Consider the lyrics of modern bands like Slayer, Dimu Borghir, Megadeth and Suicidal Tendencies. Yikes. Perhaps the most interesting case is that of Marilyn Manson.
MARILYN MANSON:
"Hopefully, I'll be remembered as the person who brought an end to Christianity." (Spin, August 1996, p. 34)
On his album, Antichrist superstar:
"I heard this album as finished, I heard it in dreams . . . It was like the revelations of John the Baptist or something." (huH, Oct. 1996, p.34)
"I think every time people listen to this new album maybe God will be destroyed in their heads. . ." (huH, Oct. 1996, p.37)
On his teeshirts:
"KILL YOUR PARENTS" and "I LOVE SATAN."
On his shows:
"I don't know if anyone has really understood what we're trying to do. This isn't just about shock value . . . that's just there to lure the people in. Once we've got em we can give em our MESSAGE." (Hit Parader, Oct. 1996, p.28)
On his desire for Satan:
"My mom used to tell me when I was a kid, If you curse at nighttime, the devil's going to come to you when you're sleeping. I used to get excited because I really wanted it to happen . . . I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything ..."(Rolling Stone, January, 23, 1997 p.52)
We all know that Satan was in charge of the music in heaven, and that's why music is such an easy way for him to affect people. Is he really affecting these musicians? Or is it all just a funny coincidence?
Let's really think about what that means for a minute.
When I was a teenager, I was into techno. So much so that it defined my life.
I organized underground raves with my friends, and we broke into warehouses and rented out entire sections of industrial districts in LA. We projected pornography on large screens over the party, passed out free ecstasy to our friends, dressed up like cartoon characters and anime heros, sucked on pacifiers and blew glitter kisses and bubbles at each other, gave each other lotion hand rubs and danced like robots. My favorite moments of all of these (because the LOVE I felt at these gatherings, brought together by our LOVE for the music permeated my very soul) was to stand in front of the gigantic speakers that stood waaaaay over me with all my friends. We would hug and lean into the speaker in time to the beat, a speaker that was blasting sound at such a high decibel level that we would then be deaf for more than 24 hours as we slept and recovered from these events. As the DJ turned it up and we became more and more excited and in love and on fire, we would move with the rhythm into the speaker and into each other, colliding in an explosion of sound, light, and love that caused us to transcend our physical situation and experience something truly spiritual. One of my favorite DJ's at the time totally got this and incorporated this into one of my favorite songs.....including lyrics like "God is the DJ and I'm f*cking the speaker." That is, in fact, what we called hovering together over the speaker like that--- speaker f*cking. Suggestive? Not in the least, right?
I look back on those moments with bittersweet awe.
The love and sense of childlike amazement I experienced at raves was something that deeply moved me. There was a sense of patient, loving responsibility for each other and for the care of the whole world that really knocked you flat. It was a utopia- the perfect situation. Except now, looking back, I think about what it really was. It was a sweaty, sticky mess. It was dirt and filth and pot and cigarette and clove smoke. It was drugs and paranoia and a loudness that made even your heart panic and go deaf. It was a lie.... It was all these things, and yet I was convinced that it was beautiful and perfect and good for the soul, and I shared it with everyone I could. At this time, I have many friends whose lives have been ruined and destroyed because of what they learned at raves. Some never made it out alive. And I brought them there--- convincing them all the while that it was the most beautiful, perfect, experience they would ever have.
So what does this all mean? Burn the albums? Picket the concerts? A few years ago
Marilyn Manson came to Santa Barbara and the Christians in the area decided, instead of picketing, to serve free pizza to concert goers and to talk about the Lord.
This, to me, is the heart of good evangelism.
We don't go into the darkness and fight it with Evil. We go and we bring the beautiful light. We go and we shine and glow so perfectly that the Evil will have no choice but to recede.
When you see, on a daily basis, the absolute filth that the world of the Enemy represents, the depth of the lie, the sadness that should break your heart it's so ugly, then you realize that the only real solution to that is to shine with all the brightness of God's glory. You don't have to be a Billy Graham to be an evangelist. You have to be a human being who was touched by God's love and knows his or her gifts and wants to share them with the world. You have to be the kind of person that will not let an opportunity pass by to serve and do good works.
You have to be a warrior, in the way you were called to fight.
But in this world, woe to he who is lukewarm. Jesus says in scripture that He will spit us out of his mouth for our lukewarm-ness. Christians, look around at what is in our schools, on our radios, on our ballots, and on our billboards. Pray without ceasing, and ARM yourselves for the battle... using your gifts to "go and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
I've said before that I feel like Fox Mulder on the X Files nearly every day, but the more I get to know and observe others who have had experiences with Evil, the more I'm realizing that we ALL have to be that way. There IS a conspiracy of deception at hand. I often feel so justified and confirmed when I pick up spiritual reading or watch spiritual shows.... Everyone I read and listen to, from Teresa of Avila to Father Groeschel to this priest on Sunday, Father Scott Hayne, to Father Corapi to St John of the Cross, ALL of these beautiful holy warriors will tell you the same thing: there is Evil in our midst. Those of us who are aware of it's presence, either by our own curiosity or because we just cannot seem to escape it, know we must do all we can to be a beacon of truth and hope for those who are drowning.
And yet there's that pesky free will issue, the fact that we cannot force anything on anyone. As a parent, I can command my daughter to look both ways before crossing the street, but I cannot force her... if she decides to break away and make a mad dash, there is little I can actually do about it other than pray for her life and possibly jump in the way of the moving vehicles heading towards her. That's how I feel sometimes when I see what people are doing TO THEMSELVES in this world.
In this blog I am going to treat the idea of evangelism, the whys and hows of it, alongside stories that I have personally witnessed which should give you an idea of the value and importance we should place on our evangelism.
Christianity is an evangelical faith-- there is no escaping it. Jesus told us: "Go and make disciples," and so we must. But evangelism doesn't have to mean leaving little notes in our wake that tell people how to make a decision for Christ. It does not have to mean rabidly inviting everyone you know over to the Church each Sunday, or putting flags on your front lawn proclaiming your love of the Lord. These things are fine, and good, but they are not NECESSARY means of evangelism. Rather, evangelism means sharing your faith, which you are challenged to do using the gifts you have in front of you.
For one friend of mine, this means opening her home in a hospitable manner to her neighbor, cooking, cleaning, and serving Jesus to them. For another ,it means using his understanding of philosophy and history to constantly and imperceptibly point students to their need for God. For another, it means wearing a collar and going into the world. For another, it means choosing not to swear when sharing jokes with the guys at the construction site. For another, it means raising godly kids.
Whatever God has done in your life, whatever He has graced you with, He expects you to serve others with it and use it for His glory. And why? Because if you don't, there is another evangelist sharing a false gospel, and he is extremely eager to get in where you don't go.
The presence of Evil pervades nearly everything around us today. Those of us who have been exposed to it are aware of the putrid stench of Hell when we read the New York Times Bestseller list each month. We see flames licking our friends as they watch TV. We hear agonizing, tormented screams over the phone and through our computer screens. We watch inaugurations and UN meetings with a sense of imminent doom. We KNOW it's there-- just under the surface. Paranormal events might phase us, but they don't surprise us. We remember the words of the demon that Father Amorth, chief exorcist of Rome, once cast out which told us--- when asked how many of "them" there were-- that if we could see "them" with our eyes, there were so many of them that "they" would darken the sky.
Evil takes many forms, from blatant satanism to the most unnoticeable of lies disguised as "human compassion."
Just this year, several prominent leaders in popular political parties were arrested and charged for their involvement in Satanic ritual abuse here in Raleigh, NC. Every day across America, children are born to Satanist families which will be used in Satanic ritual abuse. The city of Asheville, NC has the highest satanic crime rate in the area. It is poorly documented because the satanic element has infiltrated every aspect of law enforcement. But if you listen, there are those with stories to tell.
The "conspiracy" is so great that members of all levels and branches of the judicial, executive, and legislative branches have been affected by it to some degree. It is so vast that Clergy are under constant harassment and often succumb to the Enemy. Bishops in our very church are refusing communion to kneeling communicants, but serving drag queens dressed as religious sisters Our Eucharistic Lord. The Jesuit Schools in Los Angeles are hiding pedophiles and furthering the homosexual agenda for the Church. There is literally no where to hide from the evil that exists----- except the arms of Jesus.
Now, before I start sounding like a nutcase (and some of you reading are already saying "too late!") let me be clear. It is my particular calling or election in life to be aware of and disseminate information about the darkness. This does not mean that I think EVERYONE around me is affected to some degree, but I do find it quite astonishing to note just how vast and varied the effects of the darkness actually are.
I will take music, as an example. I am not one of those people who has no music in my home, or who thinks that rock music is the key to eternal condemnation. There are plenty of those people out there and I'm sure you've heard from them. But consider for a moment the severe spiritual state of most modern-day musicians.
For a while there, our children were listening to teenage pop bands like Britney Spears and NSYNC and Backstreet Boys, all of whom incited teens, through their lyrics, to pursue a life of sexual expression outside of marriage. Interestingly,the lyrics of those songs which were blatantly and overtly sexual never seemed to make it to the inside cover of the albums where the lyrics were located. An accident? A coincidence? Or a plot to keep parents from knowing what their kids were REALLY being ingrained with? Why did America wonder why Britney Spears, being managed and advertised as a Pedophile's wet dream in heels and a schoolgirl uniform with braids in her hair and her dolls on her shelf in the background, end up tormented and destroyed?
Or consider these quotes from popular musicians-- the musicians, indeed, who shaped the sixties and seventies and revolutionized an entire generation which rebelled against everything their parents had ingrained in them:
David Bowie:
"Rock has always been THE DEVIL'S MUSIC . . . I believe rock and roll is dangerous . . . I feel we're only heralding SOMETHING EVEN DARKER THAN OURSELVES." (Rolling Stone, Feb. 12, 1976)
Franck Zappa:
"I'm the devil's advocate. We have our own worshippers who are called 'groupies.' Girls will give their bodies to musicians as you would give a sacrifice to a god." (Peters Brothers, What About Christian Rock, p. 17)
Carlos Santana:
"The energy of devils and angels is the same energy; it's how you use it. It's fuel. There is a saying: If you scare all your devils away, the angels will go away with them. You know, the halo and the horns are the same thing. I mean it's OK to be spiritually horny - that's what creative genius is all about. Geniuses don't have time to think about how it's going to be received... they don't have time to think whether people like it or not, is it morally right, will God like it?" (Carlos Santana, Rolling Stone, magazine, March 16, 2000, p. 87).
"...you meditate and you got the candles, you got the incense and you've been chanting, and all of a sudden you hear this voice: 'Write this down' " (Carlos Santana, Rolling Stone magazine, March 16, 2000, p. 41).
JEFFERSON STARSHIP:
"Rock concerts are the churches of today." (Guitarist Craig Chaquico of the rock group 'Jefferson Starship.')
"Get them while they're young and bend their minds." (Spencer Dryden of the rock group 'Jefferson Starship.')
THE EAGLES:
Hotel California is a reference to a Church of Satan located in an old hotel turned mental assylum on California street. One of their songs is titled "have a good day in hell." Anton Lavey, the granddaddy of Satanism, can be seen on the inside cover of their album.
KISS:
"I'm lord of the wasteland, a modern day man of steel
I gather darkness to please me and I COMMAND YOU TO KNEEL
Before, The God of thunder, the god of rock 'n roll
I'LL STEAL YOUR VIRGIN SOUL!""
(incidentally, Gene himself has repeatedly said in an interview that they were going to name the band a certain "F" Word, but decided to name it KISS because they couldn't get away with the initial idea.)
ACDC:
One need only glance at the lyrics to Highway to Hell, and Hell's bells, to get an idea.
PINK FLOYD:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want . . .
With bright knives he RELEASETH MY SOUL
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places . . .
For lo, he hath great power and GREAT HUNGER."
ROLLING STONES:
Phew. There is such a slew of satanic stuff to tell about Mick Jagger and the Rolling stones that I would recommend just doing a google search for "Satanic Rolling Stones."
The BEATLES:
Don't get me started on the lyrics to "imagine," but how about the cover of Sgt pepper? Notice Aleister Crowley in the picture? The names and faces were the beatles' heros as they publically proclaimed that they were taking LSD.
And these are just the beginning.
Consider the lyrics of modern bands like Slayer, Dimu Borghir, Megadeth and Suicidal Tendencies. Yikes. Perhaps the most interesting case is that of Marilyn Manson.
MARILYN MANSON:
"Hopefully, I'll be remembered as the person who brought an end to Christianity." (Spin, August 1996, p. 34)
On his album, Antichrist superstar:
"I heard this album as finished, I heard it in dreams . . . It was like the revelations of John the Baptist or something." (huH, Oct. 1996, p.34)
"I think every time people listen to this new album maybe God will be destroyed in their heads. . ." (huH, Oct. 1996, p.37)
On his teeshirts:
"KILL YOUR PARENTS" and "I LOVE SATAN."
On his shows:
"I don't know if anyone has really understood what we're trying to do. This isn't just about shock value . . . that's just there to lure the people in. Once we've got em we can give em our MESSAGE." (Hit Parader, Oct. 1996, p.28)
On his desire for Satan:
"My mom used to tell me when I was a kid, If you curse at nighttime, the devil's going to come to you when you're sleeping. I used to get excited because I really wanted it to happen . . . I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything ..."(Rolling Stone, January, 23, 1997 p.52)
We all know that Satan was in charge of the music in heaven, and that's why music is such an easy way for him to affect people. Is he really affecting these musicians? Or is it all just a funny coincidence?
Let's really think about what that means for a minute.
When I was a teenager, I was into techno. So much so that it defined my life.
I organized underground raves with my friends, and we broke into warehouses and rented out entire sections of industrial districts in LA. We projected pornography on large screens over the party, passed out free ecstasy to our friends, dressed up like cartoon characters and anime heros, sucked on pacifiers and blew glitter kisses and bubbles at each other, gave each other lotion hand rubs and danced like robots. My favorite moments of all of these (because the LOVE I felt at these gatherings, brought together by our LOVE for the music permeated my very soul) was to stand in front of the gigantic speakers that stood waaaaay over me with all my friends. We would hug and lean into the speaker in time to the beat, a speaker that was blasting sound at such a high decibel level that we would then be deaf for more than 24 hours as we slept and recovered from these events. As the DJ turned it up and we became more and more excited and in love and on fire, we would move with the rhythm into the speaker and into each other, colliding in an explosion of sound, light, and love that caused us to transcend our physical situation and experience something truly spiritual. One of my favorite DJ's at the time totally got this and incorporated this into one of my favorite songs.....including lyrics like "God is the DJ and I'm f*cking the speaker." That is, in fact, what we called hovering together over the speaker like that--- speaker f*cking. Suggestive? Not in the least, right?
I look back on those moments with bittersweet awe.
The love and sense of childlike amazement I experienced at raves was something that deeply moved me. There was a sense of patient, loving responsibility for each other and for the care of the whole world that really knocked you flat. It was a utopia- the perfect situation. Except now, looking back, I think about what it really was. It was a sweaty, sticky mess. It was dirt and filth and pot and cigarette and clove smoke. It was drugs and paranoia and a loudness that made even your heart panic and go deaf. It was a lie.... It was all these things, and yet I was convinced that it was beautiful and perfect and good for the soul, and I shared it with everyone I could. At this time, I have many friends whose lives have been ruined and destroyed because of what they learned at raves. Some never made it out alive. And I brought them there--- convincing them all the while that it was the most beautiful, perfect, experience they would ever have.
So what does this all mean? Burn the albums? Picket the concerts? A few years ago
Marilyn Manson came to Santa Barbara and the Christians in the area decided, instead of picketing, to serve free pizza to concert goers and to talk about the Lord.
This, to me, is the heart of good evangelism.
We don't go into the darkness and fight it with Evil. We go and we bring the beautiful light. We go and we shine and glow so perfectly that the Evil will have no choice but to recede.
When you see, on a daily basis, the absolute filth that the world of the Enemy represents, the depth of the lie, the sadness that should break your heart it's so ugly, then you realize that the only real solution to that is to shine with all the brightness of God's glory. You don't have to be a Billy Graham to be an evangelist. You have to be a human being who was touched by God's love and knows his or her gifts and wants to share them with the world. You have to be the kind of person that will not let an opportunity pass by to serve and do good works.
You have to be a warrior, in the way you were called to fight.
But in this world, woe to he who is lukewarm. Jesus says in scripture that He will spit us out of his mouth for our lukewarm-ness. Christians, look around at what is in our schools, on our radios, on our ballots, and on our billboards. Pray without ceasing, and ARM yourselves for the battle... using your gifts to "go and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
Monday, February 2, 2009
A matter of national pride
I experienced something on SuperBowl Sunday which I will never forget. We were invited to a friend's house for a superbowl party, and we gladly accepted. I spent the first part of the party in the kitchen, making guacamole, chattin with the girls, cooing over the baby. Little by little the house got packed and the noise reached a peak. It was such a great little group-- married couples, wives of deployed airmen, kids, single people, and our priest. Everyone was laughing and talking away, when suddenly on the TV we heard the opening notes of the Star Bangled Banner. What happened next was breathtaking.
Everyone stood up, in the living room, in the kitchen, wherever. A few hands went over hearts, but the others stood at attention. Silence fell over the group, and all eyes were fixed on the screen, where a girl was singing of our freedom and not just a few alpha male athletes had "something in their eye." For the four and a half minutes it takes to sing that song of freedom and national pride, everyone paid their respects to our flag. Now THAT is something that, as a european, you NEVER encounter. It was so beautiful I nearly lost it. It made all the pain of the election and inauguration, all the frustration and anxiety over these scary bills and acts that are getting passed just melt away.... because all of a sudden I knew what I believed in--- and that all the things that were most important to me: God, Family, Country, respect for life and love of neighbor, were represented perfectly at this beautiful gathering of Catholic military families. Man, it made me proud.
The last time I remember feeling that way I was a soldier in the US Army. Every night at 8:30 we had a "hydration formation" designed to keep us up to date on the following day's schedule and to force us to drink a canteen full of water in case we were getting low on fluids. Just before we'd be dismissed to go to bed, we would salute the flag and recite the Soldier's Creed, which read:
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.
My drill sergeants would make fun of me because not a single time could I say those words without getting tears in my eyes. I remember those words today when I'm having a tough day and my tasks seem daunting. I still live by that creed as a prayer warrior for my nation....and I will always be moved when I remember what America has been through and what the fight was for.
I want my children to grow up experiencing the same pride and solidarity that comes from common values and living the American Dream. Like the fourth of July on a military base, Superbowl Sunday teaches us something about our mission.
America, let's remember these things.
Everyone stood up, in the living room, in the kitchen, wherever. A few hands went over hearts, but the others stood at attention. Silence fell over the group, and all eyes were fixed on the screen, where a girl was singing of our freedom and not just a few alpha male athletes had "something in their eye." For the four and a half minutes it takes to sing that song of freedom and national pride, everyone paid their respects to our flag. Now THAT is something that, as a european, you NEVER encounter. It was so beautiful I nearly lost it. It made all the pain of the election and inauguration, all the frustration and anxiety over these scary bills and acts that are getting passed just melt away.... because all of a sudden I knew what I believed in--- and that all the things that were most important to me: God, Family, Country, respect for life and love of neighbor, were represented perfectly at this beautiful gathering of Catholic military families. Man, it made me proud.
The last time I remember feeling that way I was a soldier in the US Army. Every night at 8:30 we had a "hydration formation" designed to keep us up to date on the following day's schedule and to force us to drink a canteen full of water in case we were getting low on fluids. Just before we'd be dismissed to go to bed, we would salute the flag and recite the Soldier's Creed, which read:
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.
My drill sergeants would make fun of me because not a single time could I say those words without getting tears in my eyes. I remember those words today when I'm having a tough day and my tasks seem daunting. I still live by that creed as a prayer warrior for my nation....and I will always be moved when I remember what America has been through and what the fight was for.
I want my children to grow up experiencing the same pride and solidarity that comes from common values and living the American Dream. Like the fourth of July on a military base, Superbowl Sunday teaches us something about our mission.
America, let's remember these things.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Normal
A long time ago, I read a book that changed my life. It was called "Girl, Interrupted," by Susanna Kaysen, and most of you have at least heard of the film by the same title. The book's profound influence on me began because it was the true story of a young girl who was institutionalized for her eccentricities. When I read it, totally unaware that I would one day be diagnosed myself with BPD, I was floored by the cloudy "reality" that had descended on this soul based on other people's perceptions of normality.
Susanna Kaysen was a normal girl--- a girl with a lot of heartache for her young age, and girl who had been exposed to too much, too soon. A sensitive. A girl who bore the weight of the sin in the world on her heart. She reminded me so much at the time of the extremely uncouth Ani Difranco lyrics that speak volumes to me everytime I hear them: "You know, my c*nt is built like a wound that wont heal/ and now you don't have to ask because you know how I feel..."
The thing that struck me the most about this girl was not that her life was so much like mine, but rather that in her unending quest for healing, she found herself time and again faced with the advice of an orderly when she asked what it would take to get her out of the looney bin. "Honey," the woman told her. "only YOU can get yourself out of here."
It dawned on me at that time that there was a key in that--- that mental illness takes victims, but that its victims have to willingly submit to its plans for their lives. You see, each of the characters in this story had one thing in common: they were crazy. But the dividing line between them was simple: some of them gave in. And some of them fought with everything they had.
I remember reading her description of her thoughts about her body, and thinking how much I could relate. I remember her talking about her thoughts about the tongue. "Which brings us to the tongue. We've been here before, and it's bad. WHy is it so big?" etc etc. I remember thinking "call the whitecoats! If this is all it takes to be crazy, I am SO there."
Borderline Personality Disorder is like that. It is normal, with a twist. It is self destructive and violent, but only when you let it.
I wasn't really diagnosed with Borderline until I had been through my "torture" events in the US army, when they had used every psychological and physical means at their disposal to break me.They prevented me from eating and sleeping and going to church. They wouldn't let me wash my clothes and gave me hours upon hours of mindless repetetive details. They lied to me all day long about who I was and what was happening to me. They played games with my mind, probing for weakness. They isolated me from everyone and took my sheets and bedding so that all I had to sleep on was the floor.
In those days, the line for me between sanity and insanity was so thin that they recommended hospitalization and medication. I could have BECOME Susanna Kaysen. And yet I had Jesus--- something Susanna lacked. And because of Jesus it didn't take pills and restraints to calm me down. Prayer and a Word was all I needed to get up and walk. Since those days I've had relatively few "episodes." And when I do, I've noticed, they always come when I am under spiritual attack.
Spiritual attack has a lot to do with insanity, I've noticed.
I read in the Bible how Jesus cast demons out of epileptics, people with fevers, and people who were obviously mentally unstable. I think about how these days, we "medicate" everyone for everything. Science has found reasons for things we used to explain with evil spirits--- for example, night terrors. It is common knowledge that night terrors happen because a certain part of our brain is activated during a sleep cycle, etc. We even have medication that puts that part of the brain into a type of sleep. And yet science can never tell us WHY these things occur.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain which was activated by environmental factors. In my family, this same chemical imbalance has appeared under the guise of depression, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar I, borderline, and now alzheimers. It's underlying characteristic that is and has been commonly shared by many members of my bloodline is a bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear that permeates our existence. I know that to many, it wont make sense to say that a chemical imbalance can have a "personality," but I'm telling you that I SEE these things plain as day in my interactions with them and in myself. I believe, and the Bible backs me up in this, that sins are passed down as a heritage. But so can our blessings in the Lord. Children of abuse victims become abusers themselves. Children of alcoholics have alcohol problems. Children of drug addicts are born addicted to drugs. These things are "Scientific" and "natural" yes, but they are a result of the fallen world.
It is not an accident that borderline personality disorder, for example, involves things like identity crises, impulsive behavior, self mutilating or suicidal behavior, mood instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, and severe dissociation.
Satan does not want me to know my true identity: that I am a child of God. And so he gives me an indentity crisis. He does not want me to do what is best and good for myself, and so he gives me impulsive, destructive behavior. He does not want me to be saved, and so he gives me suicidal behavior. He wants me to suffer, and so I am given self mutilation. He does not want me to "remain firm in the Lord" and to experience peace, and so he gives me confusion and mood swings. He does not want me to experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit, and so he gives me feelings of emptiness. And on and on it goes.
It is not an accident that while therapy and medication for BPD is relatively low in success, those BPD patients who turn to strong faith in the Lord find relief from their symptoms. Jesus HEALS BPD perfectly because it is from the Evil One.
Am I saying that mental illness, in fact, is caused by supernatural rather than natural phenomena? No. I am saying that for every natural reality there is a supernatural underlying reality.
If I have sex while I am ovulating on my peak day, then that sex will result in a baby. That is a natural reality. And yet behind that natural reality is an infant that God is knitting together in my womb, whose plans the Lord knows.
the line between psychology and demonology is so thin that on most days I can hardly tell the difference. I am simultaneously fascinated by and disgusted by psychology as an area of study. I love to look at the patterns in all of these mental illnesses, and correlations, and reasons, but I cannot stand how sterile the psychologist's mindset is. Void completely of any spirituality, psychology seems empty to me-- and yet it can be so rich when combined with godly wisdom and discernment, rich enough to have those answers we seek so much.
Lately, God has surrounded me with crazy people-- and yet there's nothing crazy about them! These people are so normal it's painful to me that they have accepted a "diagnosis" and resigned themselves to it--- particularly because they are all strong believers! Satan probes us for weaknesses when we become a threat to his kingdom of destruction, and one of the easiest ways is to convince us that he knows who we "really" are. A diagnosis of mental illness often comes as a relief to people-- like: "Ok, this isn't normal, but thank God there are other people out there like me and I'm going to know how to survive this." But what I want to say to people is that the LORD knows your heart. He knows your strengths and weaknesses, and before we turn to medications and to therapy, we should turn our lives completely over to Him and say.... Lord, take all that I am. After all, He is the healer!
In deliverance ministry, we come across people all the time who have deeply psychological problems. And yet there are spiritual answers. We can look at people who are "Textbook cases" and immediately find answers and solutions. And yet we forget how crafty Satan is and how easily he lies, because it is his nature. Things are never as they seem. There is nothing simple about psychiatry and there is nothing simple about demonology-- and yet both are under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, both work together in the way that theology and philosophy go together.
Each person I encounter who needs deliverance or has needed deliverance, like myself, suffered from a multitude of psychological "abnormalities" and issues. And yet, I have NEVER in my life met a person who was 100 percent " normal." Well adjusted, sure. But normal? What is normal? In the human experience, normality is as varied as skin tone and texture in God's creatures.
In the last few months of exposure to persons who were deeply disturbed in both a psychological and a spiritual sense, I have found only one commonality--- Jesus can heal every wound, and make every dark place light. When demons attack, it is scarring not just on a physical and emotional level but on a much deeper level as well. They infiltrate your thoughts. They can control your mind. For deeply possessed persons, the only thing you have to hang on to-- the thing that makes you YOU-- is your will. And it is the will that holds the key to the problem. Whether you believe you are mentally ill because you are demonically possessed, or you believe you are mentally ill because you have a natural, chemical imbalance, the key to your survival is to exercise your will.
Armed with this knowledge and ready to fight, I rose this morning to awaken the dawn. My thoughts were turned to the battle raging against the Church---- how stormy skies overshadow the sacred treasures of our faith in modern culture, and how easily we can be distressed at what a good job Satan is doing at attacking all that is right, true, and just. And when we have that discernment, it is so devastating to watch our brothers and sisters in the faith allow themselves to be deceived. Heartbreaking.
I woke up and read a few articles demonstrating how the Church was under attack. I went to prayer, and read today's gospel, which was the story of the apostles in the boat in the storm, and Jesus who rebuked the storm and chided them for losing faith.
Peter's little boat, the Church, must have this faith and will survive. Darkness FLEES the light.
In continuing this theme, Mass was phenomenal today.
It opened with a hymn based on Psalm 18:2 that talked about the battle between good and evil. Every psalm, prayer and scripture mentioned the Evil One by name, and warned of his intent against the Church. And when God was done hammering us as a whole, He used Father's homily to hammer us individually and to convict anyone present to pursue a life of holiness. The responsorial psalm wooed us:
"And if today, you hear His voice, harden not your hearts."
The Lord met us in the Eucharist, where my missal reminded me that God is "glorious in heaven, all-powerful on earth and terrible in hell; but in the blessed eucharist He is mild, consoling, sweet, and liberal (without end).... Ah, what can He refuse us, when He has given us Himself?"
Susanna Kaysen was a normal girl--- a girl with a lot of heartache for her young age, and girl who had been exposed to too much, too soon. A sensitive. A girl who bore the weight of the sin in the world on her heart. She reminded me so much at the time of the extremely uncouth Ani Difranco lyrics that speak volumes to me everytime I hear them: "You know, my c*nt is built like a wound that wont heal/ and now you don't have to ask because you know how I feel..."
The thing that struck me the most about this girl was not that her life was so much like mine, but rather that in her unending quest for healing, she found herself time and again faced with the advice of an orderly when she asked what it would take to get her out of the looney bin. "Honey," the woman told her. "only YOU can get yourself out of here."
It dawned on me at that time that there was a key in that--- that mental illness takes victims, but that its victims have to willingly submit to its plans for their lives. You see, each of the characters in this story had one thing in common: they were crazy. But the dividing line between them was simple: some of them gave in. And some of them fought with everything they had.
I remember reading her description of her thoughts about her body, and thinking how much I could relate. I remember her talking about her thoughts about the tongue. "Which brings us to the tongue. We've been here before, and it's bad. WHy is it so big?" etc etc. I remember thinking "call the whitecoats! If this is all it takes to be crazy, I am SO there."
Borderline Personality Disorder is like that. It is normal, with a twist. It is self destructive and violent, but only when you let it.
I wasn't really diagnosed with Borderline until I had been through my "torture" events in the US army, when they had used every psychological and physical means at their disposal to break me.They prevented me from eating and sleeping and going to church. They wouldn't let me wash my clothes and gave me hours upon hours of mindless repetetive details. They lied to me all day long about who I was and what was happening to me. They played games with my mind, probing for weakness. They isolated me from everyone and took my sheets and bedding so that all I had to sleep on was the floor.
In those days, the line for me between sanity and insanity was so thin that they recommended hospitalization and medication. I could have BECOME Susanna Kaysen. And yet I had Jesus--- something Susanna lacked. And because of Jesus it didn't take pills and restraints to calm me down. Prayer and a Word was all I needed to get up and walk. Since those days I've had relatively few "episodes." And when I do, I've noticed, they always come when I am under spiritual attack.
Spiritual attack has a lot to do with insanity, I've noticed.
I read in the Bible how Jesus cast demons out of epileptics, people with fevers, and people who were obviously mentally unstable. I think about how these days, we "medicate" everyone for everything. Science has found reasons for things we used to explain with evil spirits--- for example, night terrors. It is common knowledge that night terrors happen because a certain part of our brain is activated during a sleep cycle, etc. We even have medication that puts that part of the brain into a type of sleep. And yet science can never tell us WHY these things occur.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain which was activated by environmental factors. In my family, this same chemical imbalance has appeared under the guise of depression, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar I, borderline, and now alzheimers. It's underlying characteristic that is and has been commonly shared by many members of my bloodline is a bitterness, unforgiveness, and fear that permeates our existence. I know that to many, it wont make sense to say that a chemical imbalance can have a "personality," but I'm telling you that I SEE these things plain as day in my interactions with them and in myself. I believe, and the Bible backs me up in this, that sins are passed down as a heritage. But so can our blessings in the Lord. Children of abuse victims become abusers themselves. Children of alcoholics have alcohol problems. Children of drug addicts are born addicted to drugs. These things are "Scientific" and "natural" yes, but they are a result of the fallen world.
It is not an accident that borderline personality disorder, for example, involves things like identity crises, impulsive behavior, self mutilating or suicidal behavior, mood instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, and severe dissociation.
Satan does not want me to know my true identity: that I am a child of God. And so he gives me an indentity crisis. He does not want me to do what is best and good for myself, and so he gives me impulsive, destructive behavior. He does not want me to be saved, and so he gives me suicidal behavior. He wants me to suffer, and so I am given self mutilation. He does not want me to "remain firm in the Lord" and to experience peace, and so he gives me confusion and mood swings. He does not want me to experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit, and so he gives me feelings of emptiness. And on and on it goes.
It is not an accident that while therapy and medication for BPD is relatively low in success, those BPD patients who turn to strong faith in the Lord find relief from their symptoms. Jesus HEALS BPD perfectly because it is from the Evil One.
Am I saying that mental illness, in fact, is caused by supernatural rather than natural phenomena? No. I am saying that for every natural reality there is a supernatural underlying reality.
If I have sex while I am ovulating on my peak day, then that sex will result in a baby. That is a natural reality. And yet behind that natural reality is an infant that God is knitting together in my womb, whose plans the Lord knows.
the line between psychology and demonology is so thin that on most days I can hardly tell the difference. I am simultaneously fascinated by and disgusted by psychology as an area of study. I love to look at the patterns in all of these mental illnesses, and correlations, and reasons, but I cannot stand how sterile the psychologist's mindset is. Void completely of any spirituality, psychology seems empty to me-- and yet it can be so rich when combined with godly wisdom and discernment, rich enough to have those answers we seek so much.
Lately, God has surrounded me with crazy people-- and yet there's nothing crazy about them! These people are so normal it's painful to me that they have accepted a "diagnosis" and resigned themselves to it--- particularly because they are all strong believers! Satan probes us for weaknesses when we become a threat to his kingdom of destruction, and one of the easiest ways is to convince us that he knows who we "really" are. A diagnosis of mental illness often comes as a relief to people-- like: "Ok, this isn't normal, but thank God there are other people out there like me and I'm going to know how to survive this." But what I want to say to people is that the LORD knows your heart. He knows your strengths and weaknesses, and before we turn to medications and to therapy, we should turn our lives completely over to Him and say.... Lord, take all that I am. After all, He is the healer!
In deliverance ministry, we come across people all the time who have deeply psychological problems. And yet there are spiritual answers. We can look at people who are "Textbook cases" and immediately find answers and solutions. And yet we forget how crafty Satan is and how easily he lies, because it is his nature. Things are never as they seem. There is nothing simple about psychiatry and there is nothing simple about demonology-- and yet both are under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, both work together in the way that theology and philosophy go together.
Each person I encounter who needs deliverance or has needed deliverance, like myself, suffered from a multitude of psychological "abnormalities" and issues. And yet, I have NEVER in my life met a person who was 100 percent " normal." Well adjusted, sure. But normal? What is normal? In the human experience, normality is as varied as skin tone and texture in God's creatures.
In the last few months of exposure to persons who were deeply disturbed in both a psychological and a spiritual sense, I have found only one commonality--- Jesus can heal every wound, and make every dark place light. When demons attack, it is scarring not just on a physical and emotional level but on a much deeper level as well. They infiltrate your thoughts. They can control your mind. For deeply possessed persons, the only thing you have to hang on to-- the thing that makes you YOU-- is your will. And it is the will that holds the key to the problem. Whether you believe you are mentally ill because you are demonically possessed, or you believe you are mentally ill because you have a natural, chemical imbalance, the key to your survival is to exercise your will.
Armed with this knowledge and ready to fight, I rose this morning to awaken the dawn. My thoughts were turned to the battle raging against the Church---- how stormy skies overshadow the sacred treasures of our faith in modern culture, and how easily we can be distressed at what a good job Satan is doing at attacking all that is right, true, and just. And when we have that discernment, it is so devastating to watch our brothers and sisters in the faith allow themselves to be deceived. Heartbreaking.
I woke up and read a few articles demonstrating how the Church was under attack. I went to prayer, and read today's gospel, which was the story of the apostles in the boat in the storm, and Jesus who rebuked the storm and chided them for losing faith.
Peter's little boat, the Church, must have this faith and will survive. Darkness FLEES the light.
In continuing this theme, Mass was phenomenal today.
It opened with a hymn based on Psalm 18:2 that talked about the battle between good and evil. Every psalm, prayer and scripture mentioned the Evil One by name, and warned of his intent against the Church. And when God was done hammering us as a whole, He used Father's homily to hammer us individually and to convict anyone present to pursue a life of holiness. The responsorial psalm wooed us:
"And if today, you hear His voice, harden not your hearts."
The Lord met us in the Eucharist, where my missal reminded me that God is "glorious in heaven, all-powerful on earth and terrible in hell; but in the blessed eucharist He is mild, consoling, sweet, and liberal (without end).... Ah, what can He refuse us, when He has given us Himself?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
