Wordless Wednesdays-- that moment.

Embracing motherhood when work pays off

Six years ago, I suffered and suffered, and suffered, and suffered, and suffered, and suffered.....  when it was time for church.
To put it bluntly, I couldn't deal with my kids and listen/pay attention at the same time. I loved God, loved church and wanted to take in every moment... which is really hard to do if you spend every second of it shushing, re-arranging, and bringing kids in and out of the church. Quite honestly, I resented kids altogether because Catholic churches are very open to children and the majority of children around us in mass were very poorly behaved, so even when I COULD go by myself, some other person's kids would always wreck the "experience" for me. Sounds so selfish when I say it that way but that's exactly how it was, for years. All I wanted was for everyone to just shut up so I could pay attention and hear what I needed to get me through the week.

I  was accustomed to seeing and experiencing this and wanted nothing to do with any of it:

I knew that there was something else out there I could set as a goal. We've all seen the family that looks like this, disciplined and orderly, and I wanted it. But it seemed impossible, because even if I managed to get them in line by some miracle, there was always some other child  (OR PARENT!) nearby to distract them. I felt hopeless to ever get here:

(Ironically, these are my kids and the children of some dear friends. ;) a few years later, of course!)

If we went to a church that had childcare, I was ecstatic, if we didn't, I was miserable. Everything was a battle. Sundays became a nightmare. A nightmare I wanted to end.... so I could selfishly sit and soak in the good feelings I got from being able to pay attention and ignore the fact that God had given me children to train and teach.

Over the years, I came to understand that God wanted me to train my little ones to listen and pay attention at church and to participate themselves, etc. It started with a guilty feeling whenever I would drop them off at the nursery, and only got worse with time. I remember distinctly the day I figured out that it was worth the effort to keep them with me.
Standing in the back with a wiggling, loud toddler while teetering on my heels, certain that I was annoying everyone present, I looked up to heaven with tears in my eyes and my gaze crossed a sign, put there by the priest, that said: "Dear kids, I'm glad you're here. --- God." I determined then and there to suck it up and do what it took to make sure my kids learned to be the kinds of children who could sit quietly in their pews and listen attentively. Not for ME. But for the good of their souls. And to acknowledge that it would take time, diligence,  and patience, neither of which I really had.

Now, many years later, on most days-- MOST days--- My husband and I (and the people around us) enjoy having them with us and we are amazed at how much of it they get themselves and appreciate. They even like it and look forward to going!
There are still days that are rough, but nowadays they are the exception, and not the norm. Instead, it's a powerful family bonding time and even better... they have really learned to overcome a lot and draw close to God through these experiences. It's beautiful. Sure, my son still sleeps through half of mass on my shoulder and my daughters still fight over who can sit closer to me. But at least now they do it before mass starts or right at the end,  and they know better than to keep it up through the whole thing.

Now, we go to a Maronite liturgy. Qurbono is somewhere between a Latin Mass and a typical Novus Ordo in that there is much chanting, different languages, and reverence, but it's still fairly child-friendly in the sense that they aren't necessarily expected to be dead silent and prayerful through the whole thing. There are also a lot of parts and responses for them to get into, including the priest "breaking character" from time to time to catechize during the mass, which keeps them occupied.

I had reached the point up until yesterday where I felt confident that we could handle most any Novus Ordo without too much distraction and where my kids had become enjoyable and had reached a level of understanding of what was happening in the mass that comforted us. My youngest is two and at that age where it's a battle no matter what, but she's a really good two year old compared to what she could be at. So I have confidence in my kids.... but I never imagined my kids were ready for the Latin Mass.

That's why I wanted to share this glory-of-motherhood moment I had yesterday... to encourage the moms who are still at the "tearing my hair out" stage of parenting littles in the pews. Been there! Not sure I'm out of the woods yet, but yesterday was certainly a powerful moment in which I felt we had "arrived."

Yesterday, you see, we went to the closest Latin Mass, which, for my protestant friends,  is the "old form" of our liturgical worship, before the revisions when the people had a more verbal and physical "part to play" in the mass. This particular mass is about a forty minute drive away and is right at lunch/naptime, a very difficult time to have children sit still as you mothers well know.

The Latin mass is in Latin, a language they don't really understand.
It is very quiet, and contains tons of kneeling for hours and lots of silence. Going to the ordinary form of the mass is hard enough for most people I know, but the Latin Mass is like, a whole different animal. Which is why many people avoid it... it's too "sacred" or "somber" for their taste. Not relaxed and "open" enough.

Usually, the mothers I see there have two pews full of meticulously dressed, perfectly behaved children of all age ranges who, even at 3, are kneeling for hours uncomplainingly and just generally awesomely behaved, even when daddy isn't around.  These mothers amaze me. I watch them carefully when I see them, and I wish I could follow them around at home and learn their secrets. I can't, though, because they usually keep to themselves and don't get out for coffee much. ;)
They also intimidate me, because I can hardly handle my small handful of kids, and here they are with twelve or fourteen and they seem to have everything under control.

So Latin Mass is very intimidating for mothers with kids who aren't used to that kind of environment, and I admit I dreaded bringing my littles, even though I LOVE going to Latin mass on my own and go there as much as I can-- without them!

However, my husband decided yesterday that we were heading over there,  and I was freaking out. But I'm so pleased and grateful to report that after all these years, something must have clicked, and they appear to have really settled down.

Immediately after the rosary, we found ourselves in a silent church. And I started freaking out.
A younger man came forward and stood next to the pew in front of us. One by one, in a row, all six of his children, girls in matching dresses and veils and boys in matching sweaters and cords, came forward and sat in the pew. Last in line was his wife, modestly dressed and beautifully veiled. She took her place next to him and they all knelt to pray before the mass in unison. My heart started pounding... and I started the comparing in my head.
She and her husband were very united in their approach, and they operated as one entity... when one of the younger kids started to act up they wordlessly took turns getting the others settled down and fixing the problem. I was both amazed and disappointed, watching them. I couldn't imagine myself being the kind of disciplined person it took to take the time to TEACH all these kids how to act right.
Not only that, but she seemed totally rested and was really beautiful and in good shape! And her husband and her were clearly very bonded. I was sure that there was just no way in the word that my family even came close to comparing to theirs... and even though I knew it was stupid to bother comparing, I also knew that if we didn't, it was because of a lack of discipline and willingness to suffer for each other on OUR part, which made me feel like double the failure.

Incredibly, though, my kids were as well-behaved as any of the children there. My daughters chose on their own to wear headcoverings and didn't spend the whole time messing with them, everybody was pleasant and reverent and totally into it, and when it was over my kids asked if we could go again and ASKED TO STAY LONGER TO PRAY. I couldn't get over it. OTHER moms there were smiling approvingly at me and telling me how sweet and well behaved the children were. I was in shock. I was floating on a cloud. It was amazing.

This might sound silly, but it felt like a landmark to me--- we've finally graduated to Latin-mass standards as a family and that means that all that hard work training the kiddos has really, really paid off.... so keep on training those kiddos! Took me six years to figure out HOW, but here we are, and it's a really rewarding place to be!

I never for one second imagined that I could actually find myself at a Latin mass with my whole family and enjoy the experience tremendously. And yet--- it was wonderful, and we fit right in.
Praise God!! It was a very exciting motherhood moment for me, and I know my husband was very, very pleased since he had been as worried as I was about their behavior and "fitting in" with the other families.
Don't get me wrong, there is still much work to do-- my son talked to Jesus out loud half the Introit and asked about two thousand questions about what was happening, and my two year old was as determined as she's ever been to borrow my husband's latin flashcards and play with them despite the fact that we repeatedly told her no. But even in that, I could tell we were doing ok, and even more than that-- doing well!

You may ask yourselves, reading this, WHY it matters so much to me that they learn these skills. I've heard people see Latin Mass families like these and say all sorts of terrible things about how much they must beat their children or how bored and suppressed their children are. But knowing some of these families outside of mass, has given me a different outlook-- these are happy, balanced, and thoroughly creative and interesting kiddos who are not being suppressed in any way. They are thoughtful and interesting and loving. And their parents are loving and kind, not harsh or mean. They are simply parents who are doing it right, focusing hard on work and prayer, and that's why I was so grateful to receive this confirmation yesterday that we are somehow, some way, by some miracle, on the right track. It's so motivating.... I can't wait to see where we are ten years from now! Motherhood is an awesome journey.

What are some things I've learned over the years that have really helped for kids in church? Here are ten tips that have really paid off:

1. Leave the toys, books, etc at home. Even one tiny stuffed animal can be a HUGE distraction, so we try to just leave everything at home and out of the pews.
2. Children copy what they see. If you are very focused, your kids will be focused. They do what they see you doing.
3. No food or drinks. This should be a given, but I see lots of moms feeding their kids or giving them cups to sip. Unless they are still milk-fed, they are old enough to go without for an hour.
4. Make sure they are fed and rested when you get there.
5. Try to alternate older kids and younger kids. If you can avoid putting two very young kids right next to each other, it's a good idea.
6. Sit in the front, and make sure they can see. Talk about what they will see on the way there and back.
7. Make it a routine. Get to mass as often as possible so they become accustomed to it.
8. Require them to participate at their age level. They may not know the responses or prayers yet, but they can stand with everyone else and be a part of what's going on. Encourage older kids to help the younger kids get involved and stay quiet.
9. Let them get to know and love their priests.
10. Watch who you associate with... being around other families with well-behaved kids will make all the difference!

A simplified home school.... getting settled.

Simple is better. 

It's a lesson found in every aspect of the homemaker's life... from diapering to cooking, from cleaning to raising kids, from laundry to homeschooling.... simple is better.
It's something I always inherently knew, but that I didn't really have a clue how to implement until I began receiving practical advice, first as a protestant from Vision Forum ministries, and then as a Catholic from the families who create and use the Classical Liberal Arts Academy to educate their children.

We have really enjoyed our CLAA experience so far. However, recently,  my family had to stop using CLAA's petty school due to financial challenges. This bothered me because it was the only "pre-packaged curriculum" we would ever consider paying for. We truly enjoyed it, and I was re-assured by the simplicity of the whole thing... not to mention that our home life was exponentially more organized and better because of it.

I have since scrounged together a pretty good working curriculum to finish off the year, which I'm thankful for. I was anxious about having to stop and start over mid-year, but the transition has been good for us and easier than I thought it would be.

I've also been plotting and planning the year ahead with a whole new view, having now experienced the CLAA from the inside and seen the way it works on a practical level.

On the one hand , we want to prepare our kids for the challenges of the CLAA Academy in later years when they are mentally ready and we can afford it. We like the program very much and look forward to that day, should it come. If it doesn't, I feel like we have a "vision" for what will happen-- and it's a good one too. Though we love CLAA, we acknowledge that it just isn't a fit for some people. However, for us, it's a good fit and a great learning process for students AND teachers.

On the other hand, we are enjoying very much the ability to slow down and use our beloved Charlotte Mason ideas about early education, an approach which is gentle and intentional with a little less emphasis on pushing them past their comfort zone and a little more emphasis on building a LOVE of learning through spreading a feast of ideas before them. 

Nevertheless, we have had a terrible time finding materials to use which were as academically challenging as what they would be doing in the CLAA, and that's what attracts us there first-- the academics.

I've prayed and prayed, reflected and thought about it, and mentally worked and re-worked next year's curriculum choices in light of everything I've learned about the Classical Liberal Arts and Charlotte Mason's ideas. I am well pleased with my choices in that department. 

I sent the original curriculum for Year 1 I had put together to the first grade teacher at Santa Catalina School in Monterey, a Dominican boarding school for Catholic girls I really respect which my parents happen to work at. The teacher was impressed, which made me confident that we were making good choices. 

I was excited, but still.... something was still not sitting right with me. 

First, the cost. Even though we are using a majority of library books and buying books used, We were looking at at least 200 bucks per students per year, and the more kids we have, the crazier this idea became, especially because I wanted to buy most of the books so we could re-use them again and again without wasting a day out at the library. 200 bucks might not seem like a lot to some people, but to us, it was huge. We already have four children--- making that about 800 a year so far! WAY less than a private school, of course, but still. I felt like we could do better. 

Some would argue that we should be fine with spending that on our children's education. And I agree , to some degree. But we are resistant because we are very attached to the idea of living simply and off of not very much, and filling our house with expensive living books wasn't meeting that need. I barely spend $150 a week at the grocery store for our family of six, so 800 a year seems... crazy, and I don't have a lot of "stuff" so overpacked bookshelves was stressing us out.

The other thing was that simplicity seemed lacking. In just two years, I'd accumulated enough homeschooling "stuff" to fill a small book case. All of which was "useful" and "thrifty"somehow, but you know.... not. The first thing I did when we joined CLAA was get rid of it all-- and it was marvelously freeing. Of course, now that the kids' lessons are NOT going to be computer-based for now, I need to work out a storage system again. I never want to go back, though, to having shelves full of items we "might" use one day.

The philosophy over at the CLAA has been really simple. The central point is to focus on the "Core"--- Grammar, Arithmetic, and Religion.

Over time, as The Core is mastered, other things are added-- natural history, geography, world chronology, etc. But only as The Core is handled well and only as the student demonstrates mastery in the core, always the core, everything relating back to The Core. The Core is the foundation for higher studies, in philosophy and theology, which will eventually lead to right living and a "true" education and worldview.

How to reproduce that without the CLAA? I didn't feel like I could. In fact, I know I can't. But I could use the next best thing... tried and true materials that have always attracted me for various reasons and in some ways, attract me more because of their format. ( I strongly dislike computer-based lessons.)

You see, if I ask my children what their favorite part of the school day is-- the part they love and would do all the time, it's a tossup between Nature Study (duh) and "when you read to us." 

No matter what age they are, they love all of us sitting together and reading from a book. When it's a book they have already read, they love helping the littler ones understand. And when it 's a new book for them, they love asking questions, narrating back (essential to the Charlotte Mason method) , and generally interacting over the book together. Kinda like how I love book or Bible studies with my girlfriends, I imagine. Sure, they think the abacus is fun and yes, they like the other aspects well enough, but that is their hands-down favorite and the one thing they never fight me on. Charlotte Mason understood this well and that is why her curriculum was based on living books as the key to unlock the "teaching" of ideas to children.

I envision our homeschool a little bit like the old one-room schoolrooms of Anne Shirley's day (yes, we use actual slates instead of reams and reams of paper and yes, we all sit around the dining room table nose deep in a book... and I dream of ink blotters). On the other hand, my husband mentally sees our homeschool eventually looking like the ancient Greek Lyceum or Academy (yes, we spend a great deal of time questioning and challenging each other's ideas and stop for wrestling practice or discus-throwing, learning soldiering and survival techniques, and olive-and-feta-cheese snacks, haha).

Combining these two is actually somewhat seamless, but those are the externals. What we teach will only be as good as the books we use to bring human ideas to life for them. And I, for one, insist on simplicity. When I look at programs, I'm not only overwhelmed but totally put off by flashcards, games, educational "toys" and the like. I like books. Period.

Many of you are familiar with Charlotte Mason's ideas about "twaddle"-- that we should keep our children's minds blissfully free of anything but the BEST ideas, and get rid of everything that amounts to the "junk food" of reading. Sure, lots of kids today are reading Harry Potter and Twilight. But what are they learning?? 

The same rules apply for movies. What is interesting is that my husband feels that most fiction is twaddle.... even some of what I would consider the "great works" of world literature. We have a vast disagreement on this point, but I suspect he's right on some level. With that in mind, we have pared down what we read that is fiction to a very few, very relevant books, ones that point to history or philosophy in ways the kids can grasp but don't immerse them in soap-style dramas and emotional fantasies. Dreaming is good--- indulging the passions is not. Aesop and Ségur good. Disney Bad. Etc.

So, I thought about the core. Grammar, Arithmetic, Religion.

I thought about the core til I was blue in the face. I searched high and low for a "paper" version of what William Michael and the CLAA are doing to some degree (obviously within limits-- we really do believe what they are offering is superior to anything else out there for many reasons). 

And what I came up with is so exciting for us that I can hardly contain myself! Which is why I'm sharing... because somewhere out there they may be someone who thinks about these things too. What's interesting is that these are mostly ideas I've been using all along and seem to always come back to even though they had no "formal" place in my curriculum as it was written. I've simply given them primary importance, removed all the fluff, and shifted our focus to them as our "Core." And it's so beautiful, and simple..... and inexpensive. I'm elated.

So without further ado, I present to you---- the curriculum. Each of these titles are available as a full set for grades 1-8, or individually. We use the same books year after year so there is only one expense and it is relatively small.... grades 1-8 take up just one shelf on our bookcase, leaving the rest for quality "classics" and religious books.

Religion:

There are a lot of expensive books out there that can be used for Catechism. Many of them are wonderful. One that is inexpensive and which we have enjoyed is Ignatius Press' Faith and Life. But upon reflection, I've realized that we always go back to the Baltimore Catechism, and that the best, by far, book I've used so far to teach the kids the Baltimore Catechism is the Our Holy Faith series by Neumann Press.

These books contain beautiful illustrations, Q  & A for rote memorization from the Baltimore Catechism, and interesting reading that engages our kids. While we liked Faith and life, quite honestly what attracted us most to these instead was the format: these books are durable, beautiful, and hardback, which means that ALL our kids can use them (whereas we have had Faith and Life for a few months and already need a new copy!)

Aside from the Catechism, which we conduct exactly like CLAA's Catechism course: We read the lesson, and then learn the Q&A. Once we've done that, we take a test that demonstrates our understanding of the lesson. And move on only when it's been mastered perfectly.

In addition, we use Neumann Press books as read-alouds, one series which is about the lives of the saints and one series which is a set of homilies that are keyed to topics in the Baltimore Catechism (awesome!) so as we do a lesson, we do read-alouds that have to do with that particular lesson. For this, we use Angel Food for Boys and Girls and Catholic Stories for Boys and Girls. Like all other Neumann press titles, these are beautifully bound and hardback, durable, and sturdy books which have withstood lots of reading. 

We have decided we are an RSV Bible family, so each of us has our own RSV, and the youngest has a copy of Fr Lovasik's "New Catholic Picture Bible." My oldest is just now starting to be able to read her bible alone, but she does copywork from it and we work at it together.

We pray the liturgy of the hours each day as a family and read the daily mass readings in our bibles. We also have two little hardback books called "Lives of the Saints" which we use to read the Saint of the Day's life each morning. 

This is "religion."

Grammar.

Grammar is supposed to contain Latin, English, Greek (and in our Homeschool, Hebrew and French!) That's a tall order. And I haven't figured out how we're going to do all that. But I'm trusting that Charlotte Mason is right when she says that at the younger ages, they need to hear and speak the language and read and write it when they are a little older.

There are ZERO programs out there besides the CLAA for teaching children Latin right off the bat. So left without a choice, we are working only on reading and verbally teaching Latin and French. The rest we will figure out when they hit third or fourth grade and there are more options. In the meantime we are giving Latin, French, and English Copywork and memorization.

Charlotte advocated GENTLE, if any, grammar lessons prior to 4th grade, and then hitting it hard. the CLAA is similar since prior to 3rd grade the kids are usually not enrolled in the Academy, and thus not studying grammar, unless they are clearly ready. Until that time they are working on reading and writing, which is the foundation for Grammar study. 

I painstakingly studied the available selections of Readers out there. I knew I didn't want to do the Bob Books and stuff like that because it just seemed "twaddly" to me. As does the usual suspects-- Dr Seuss, etc. Not that we DONT read  those, but I don't want those to be the focus.

There are two sets of Catholic readers out there. The American Cardinal Readers, from Neumann Press, are quite good. So are the Catholic National Readers although those are harder to find.

I have a soft spot for McGuffeys Eclectic Readers, as I was raised on them, however, and I'm sure they have a lot to do with my love of reading. 

And I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there is a huge surge in reprinting the ORIGINAL McGuffey's series... which I seriously thought about using since they contain more "biblical" reading. However, the Original McGuffey's are Calvinist in taste and if there is one thing our household cannot stand, it's Calvinism. So as much I like the other aspects, I couldn't stand the idea of exposing my kids to Calvinism at such a young age. We decided on the revised, eclectic McGuffey's, which were revised to make them not Calvinist and thus acceptable for Catholics to use in public school in America without losing their moral value and literary brilliance,  because it contains many secular historical items whereas we found that some of the Catholic readers tried a little tooo hard to make everything "uber- Catholic."

McGuffey's also has a speller, which I have not yet used, but plan to check out. From what I've read, Charlotte Mason didn't bother with spellers, as her reading lessons and writing lessons build vocabulary and spelling skills innately. However, I'm open to the idea, should I like it once I get my hands on it. What I love about McGuffey's is that it uses quality literature and poetry and the Bible to teach the children moral lessons. This is critical to the Charlotte Mason method, except instead of having nine million books around from which I select only two or three pages each, it's all in a compact, beautiful, sturdy hardcover set of eight books. Perfect!

For actual, organized grammar lessons, we purchased Harvey's Elementary and Harvey's English Grammar, both of which are filled to the brim with fascinating and wonderful facts about our language. As the grammarian of the family, I can't get enough of these and have been pleasantly surprised to learn many new things in them! I love them.

I have had a LOT of people tell me they didn't like McGuffey's and Harvey's because the examples and stories are unrealistic for our day and the language is slightly archaic. And that is a VERY good point which will really concern some parents! 

But that's exactly why our family DOES like them very much-- because to us, there is nothing more astonishing than watching the delight with which children react to and comprehend even challenging, traditional English phrases.

 Just as Charlotte Mason suggested the reading aloud to children of the King James Bible and not some modern rendition which loses the subtlety of language, we enjoy teaching our children using examples of older English. We read the RSV to our kids, with all the "Thees and Thous." We pray the Liturgy of the Hours with our kids, not the "Now I lay me down to sleep." Etc. That's us. And these, for us, are PERFECT. 

Between the McGuffey's and Harvey's we have English covered and covered well. We are missing only Latin, Greek, Hebrew and French, which will come in time as inspiration strikes... quite probably through the CLAA. Grammar? Done. 

Arithmetic.

At first, I was kind of frustrated with my system because I had such cool, easy, simple, inexpensive hardback books for the other two elements of the Core, and I was missing something that would be similar since we have been using Singapore Math, which has lots of huge paperback workbooks, colors, and pictures.

I really like Singapore Math, but it definitely doesn't match my ""traditional, classical" homeschooling philosophy in the externals. It basically accomplishes what it should in the internals... it makes great, logical thinkers.

Enter Ray's Arithmetic. Again, like the McGuffey's these are hardback, eight volume sets of books meant to be read aloud to the student which go from basic to higher arithmetic using classical English and traditional weights, prices, measurements--- so not great for those concerned about modern language or situations.

However, the quality of the instruction (and I'm not a "math person" so I could be wrong here) seems to be very similar to the Classical Arithmetic course at CLAA from what I can tell.... and therefore, we love it.

Combining Ray's and Singapore together seem to be a good fit for my kids-- they like doing the workbooks and really enjoy the "quiet thinking" time it requires of them. On the other hand, Ray's requires exactly what they love-- interaction with mom, reading time together, and LOTS of mental math and word problems... all the things they need to build a great thinking process. Ray's is inexpensive as a set and will last and last and is TOTALLY sufficient for kids to learn what they need to in arithmetic all by itself.

One note if you like them is that the company, Mott's, who publishes these is transitioning them to paperbacks to keep costs down. This makes me sad, because I HATE paperbacks. So get em while you can! I've already got our set. And let them know, if you think of it, how much you enjoy having the hardbacks.

I may eventually drop Singapore in later years, but right now I'm really enjoying using them both together and so are the kids, and I got the go- ahead to do so from several math teachers I respect. Since Dr. Arcara, who writes the CLAA Arithmetic Courses, has his kids in both CLAA Classical Arithmetic AND Singapore, I figure I'm on the right track with this one. Singapore is the only "every year" purchase I'm making, at about 10 bucks a workbook. And we use the abacus to teach them, just as the Chinese, Japanese, Greeks, Romans have done before us.

The "Other Core"--or framework: the Non-Cores.

In the non-core realm we have history, geography, science, art, art history, and music. My kids do nature study (which is free) a-la Charlotte Mason for their science and it is wonderful. When they are older they will study physics, astronomy, and maybe chemistry, but for now, it's Biology, Botany, Geology and all forms of life science which they glean from the study of their natural surroundings and the classifying of these things. I don't drop nature study because it's also a way for them to get exercise and fresh air. One hour, every day. Outside. Observing creation.

For History and Geography (and everything else, to some degree) we are going to be using Connecting With History. Volume one arrived yesterday and it's going to make my life a lot easier-- essentially it does what I was trying to do on my own and makes it easy. The program breaks down History into four sections broken down into units, teaches a Catholic worldview, uses living books and the classical method, and does the planning for you to some degree. It costs very little, and can form the "Core" of the externals. With Connecting with History, for example, my kids are studying Ancient History the first year. They will do history, geography, literature, art, picture study, home economics, science, natural history, physical education, and music study, -- even Bible study and Catechism-- relating directly to the period in history they are studying, which makes planning anything else really easy and fun. And SIMPLE. No more trying to fit it ALL in. They will cycle through these once every stage of their classical education, deepening their understanding as they go.

The core texts of the program are worth owning because they are amazing, and the rest can be found at the library. True to Charlotte Mason's methods, the program incorporates narration, living books from original sources as much as possible, the Book of Centuries and Book of Mottoes in itself. It's wonderful.

So that's it! When they hit 8 or 9th grade, we will add philosophy and theology, and a couple higher science courses as we had planned. This isn't a deviation from our plan at all but a simplification of what we were doing-- we are still getting rid of books instead of buying new ones (other than the cores, many of which we already owned) and still focused intensely on a life of quiet, hard work, study and prayer. Next year will be a lot easier to implement, a lot easier to organize, and a lot easier to work through. In the core subjects, the kids will spend the majority of their time and will work to perfection, moving to the next lesson only when the previous lesson has been mastered. In the non-core subjects, the kids will build attention and observation skills, read amazing books and ideas, and a solidly Catholic worldview. 

For the first time my husband is NOT having visions (nightmares??) of overpacked bookshelves and kids lounging around reading fiction all day, and I'm NOT having visions (nightmares??) of kids bent over their desks sullen and miserable and hating school. 

We have been doing this for a week now and it's JUST like we are back in the CLAA again, except we are really missing the help with Latin. I'm convinced this is the best possible preparation I can give them to study the Classical Liberal Arts under someone else far more knowledgeable than ourselves, and we are both equally convinced that we've found the combination of Charlotte Mason/Classical ideology that really suits our family (simple, affordable, VERY flexible, and academically rigorous and twaddle-free) for the first time. 

Fall can't come soon enough! I'm shocked and amazed at how seamless the Appian Way Academy is coming along now that we've got this all sorted out.
How's your planning coming? Hope sharing this helps someone out there. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about these specific materials or our experience with the CLAA.

Distinguishing suffering from a curse

I’ve been stuck with this feeling that I haven’t been able to get rid of. It overwhelms me and frustrates me. The frustration comes from not knowing what it is, and not knowing what the cause of it is. I have to constantly fight it and snap myself out of it. Sometimes, I just let it win because I’m tired. I should know better then to do that because it doesn’t just affect me, but also my family. Guilt follows for allowing it to get to me. I think about my life and ponder over what it could be. Am I upset? Am I sad? Am I missing something? Am I unhappy with my life?.........I give a sincere “no” to all the questions. What in the world is it? Maybe I’m just depressed?.........I had a bout of depression before and it’s definitely not that (that feeling was horrible and I’ll never underestimate it again. It’s a feeling of complete and utter hopelessness.). This feeling is more of an empty and fear type of feeling. But it makes absolutely no sense! I love my wife, I love my kids, I laugh and smile, I am loved, etc. etc……….how is that empty? That sounds like a rich man to me!  So I increased my dose of prayer. I have to be doing something wrong? ......Of this, I’m sure of (I shall not cast a stone, for I am a sinner). But I was looking specifically for something that I might be doing that I’m not aware of or that I’m missing. It keeps escaping me and it’s only bouts of amnesia or moments with my family that help me forget it. The “not knowing” really stinks. 
I’ve even gotten to a point where I’ve entertained the idea that me seeing the number 911 endlessly is supposed to mean something. Every time I see it, it’s without my consent or will; it’s just there (time, freeway, license plates, signs, etc.). And when I do, I excuse it as coincidence (even though I see this number several times a day). The only time it went away is when I started to pray more. But it got replaced by 910 (weirdness!). I literally jumped in glee when I first saw it; and the same pattern for this number followed suit.  Silly isn’t it? Well, the silliness isn’t over yet… I started to think that I’m cursed! Not Harry Potter cursed but something far more real and sinister. I started to back track on my mom’s stories of seeing witches in Mexico and her confrontations with them. Not just her, but my entire family has a litany of stories like this. I haven’t the foggiest idea how true most of it is, but I know it’s real and I know it’s possible. I’m not alone here either, stories like these are a dime a dozen for most Mexican families and that’s probably why they are mostly ignored.  However, my mom allowed a man into our home when I was in high school and he was a peculiar man. Within time we found he was practicing the dark arts of sorts (whatever that means) and particularly called upon some being to assist him (he told me but I can’t remember). My mom eventually gave him the boot and I was aware he had casted curses on people before as he wasn’t shy about sharing what he had done to people he disliked (cursing them). At any rate, life went on and I never made much of it until now.  My mother in law also tells us of a women who put a curse on her first baby before she was born (E). Saying she would be born sick and with defects. Why? She has no idea. E has been perfectly healthy in every way (besides her being sleep deprived). But she swears by it and I have no reason to believe otherwise. As bizarre as all this sounds, I’m basing this entirely on a feeling (as previously noted) I’ve had for some time. I’m purposefully leaving out the hundreds (no exaggeration) of things that have happen to us (bankruptcy, car accidents, foreclosure, deaths, etc.) since we got married because my mind will go bonkers thinking about it all. That can be attributed to bad decisions (although I contend much of it is simply bum luck if you will because we had no control over it).  It didn’t help that I battled my feelings of resentment because everybody around us seemed to be moving forward and they [and we sometimes question ourselves as well] couldn’t understand why we couldn’t. They simply didn’t know what we’ve been through and I didn’t want them to feel sorry for us (wretched pride).  What can you tell us about curses? How do they work? Can you share what one can do to get rid of it? Please pray for our family.--Anonymous

My heart goes out to this family for so many reasons... living like this is something I'm very familiar with and these are questions I have asked myself over and over.
For the sake of brevity and clarity, I will try to break down the answer into two simple categories, one of them being the strength of our Catholic faith and the other being the heart of the many protestants who, by virtue of their strong relationship with Our Lord, have a place in the ranks of the Church militant.

SUFFERING: THE GLORY OF OUR CATHOLIC FAITH.

When I was a protestant, I viewed most suffering as the work of Satan. I knew that God was good-- He was light, and that there was no darkness in Him at all (1 Jn 1:5), and therefore anything "dark" I experienced was allowed by God only in the context of my having allowed it in somehow because of my own sin. This factor REALLY came into play, not only when unpleasant events occurred in my family, but especially when I began to work in deliverance ministry. We had absolute authority over the demon in the name of Jesus. We had warfare business to attend to and that warfare was the stuff of life. Now, the Catholic Catechism affirms this position, but what we also had, which the Catechism poo poos pretty regularly, is PRIDE.`Mega pride---- we practically taunted Satan, and found him around every corner and peeking around every wall. It was almost TOO easy. And it made me uncomfortable, because there were things I had seen/experienced that really weren't explainable and that didn't fit into the nice, catchy schematics smattered with bible quotes we drew on chalkboards in small groups and watched our pastors explain to us on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Things like people who we just couldn't help and houses where none of our hypotheses seemed to fit.

Conversely, there were times where "prophets" and "apostles" did or said things that made my inner spirit-man wince and when what I "heard" about victory didn't always add up. And that's when I wondered... was there something wrong with ME? Now that can be a good thing.... sin is the root of every problem. But the thing is, sometimes God allows suffering that is simply a mystery. And mystery is a word lots of Protestants don't like. I remember well telling Catholics: "You serve a God who is full of mystery, but the Bible says that we can KNOW God." Well, duh. But that's another story.

So when I came into the Church, one of the very first things God taught me-- both in the context of spiritual warfare and in the context of personal relationships and evangelism or ministry--- was HUMILITY. The second thing He taught me was HOW to suffer "well." (I'm a slow learner.)
When in the past I had seen my protestant, God-fearing sisters endure one hardship or another, I'd been moved to tears over their stoicism and perfect trust in God. I still am! Only now I don't envy them that ability, I am saddened at the wasted suffering. The concept of atonement however imperfect, outside of the PERFECT atonement of Christ, and of our union with Him in His suffering, is lost in protestant theology.

God knew I needed to learn it the hard way, so He placed me right in the midst of the group of Catholics who probably suffer the most (if that's possible) as an Order and who not only welcome it but ask for it (crazy.)
Carmelites. I was drawn to Carmelite life initially because I liked to pray and it seemed to me like that's what Carmelites did. I didn't know that Carmelites are Carmelites because they like to pray AND SUFFER.

In fact, I remember distinctly the moment, about a week and a half into my Carmelite formation, when I stopped and said..... Oh my gosh. EVERYBODY here and everybody we are reading suffered horrendously. What am I getting into??


The Carmelites were taught by saints who said things like:

The more lofty the degree of loving union to which God destines the soul, so much more profound and persistent must be its purification. St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD (Edith Stein, Science of the Cross 77)
Always remember to love your neighbor; always prefer the one who tries your patience, who test your virtue, because with her you can always merit: suffering is Love; the Law is Love.
Bl Mary of Jesus Crucified "The Little Arab"

I desire to suffer always and not to die. I should add: this is not my will, it is my inclination. It is sweet to think of Jesus; but it is sweeter to do His will.
Bl Mary of Jesus Crucified "The Little Arab"
Trials are nothing else but the forge that purifies the soul of all its imperfections.
St Mary Magdalen de'Pazzi, OCD

One cannot desire freedom from the Cross when one is especially chosen for the Cross.
St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD (Edith Stein)

Are you seeing the picture here? What did they know that I didn't??

Well, it took a while but I learned two major things. First, that we actually had a gift in suffering we didn't have  without it. Ironically, the very Bible I have heard people use to denounce suffering as the work of Satan over and over again has some interesting things to say about it. Here are a few I found on my facebook page this morning as a reminder:

2 Timothy 2:12 says, "If we suffer, we shall also reign with him..." Jesus said, ". . . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Lk. 9:23) Jesus said that we SHOULD rejoice when we suffer for His sake, because great is our reward in Heaven (Mt. 5:12). I Peter 2:19-21 tells us that it is our duty to follow our Lord's example in suffering, and 1 Peter 4:12-16 tells us to be happy when we suffer for Christ, and it tells us not to be ashamed. Romans 8:18 says, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." We read in 1 Peter 5:10 that our suffering in this present world is only for "a while." Are you willing to bear your cross for the Lord Jesus Christ? Do you have any treasures in Heaven? Are you willing to suffer for the Lord?

Second, that we could offer that suffering up for good-- it produced FRUIT. I learned this by experimentation at first, tentatively offering up small sacrifices to Jesus FOR the good of some person I was praying for. What I saw was amazing. When I was willing to suffer, people were changed. Not just me--- those I was praying for and surrounded by. Suffering was the key that unlocked all of it. Now, there came a time when I got so into suffering that I lost my joy. And that is the danger-- that we suffer but do not love and hear from God.
The only remedy to that is the sacraments, and time spent with Jesus, allowing Him to minister to our souls.

Nevertheless, in that suffering I found great wisdom. And now I can say with St Josemaria in difficult times (USUALLY! I'm a work in progress.... haha):

"Blessed be pain. Loved be pain. Sanctified be pain. . . Glorified be pain!" (The Way, 208)
"No ideal becomes a reality without sacrifice. Deny yourself. It is so beautiful to be a victim!" (The Way, 175)
"Obey with your lips, your heart and your mind. It is not a man who is being obeyed, but God." (Furrow, maxim 374)
"And be watchful, for a spark is much easier to extinguish than a fire. Take flight, for in this it is low cowardice to be "brave"; a roving eye does not mean a lively spirit, but turns out to be a snare of satan. Yet human diligence, with mortification, the cilice, disciplines and fasting are all worthless without you, my God." (Furrow, 834)
"To defend his purity, St. Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, St. Benedict threw himself into a thornbush, St. Bernard plunged into an icy pond... You... what have you done?" (The Way, 143)
"What has been lost through the flesh, the flesh should pay back: be generous in your penance." (The Forge, 207)
"If you realize that your body is your enemy, and an enemy of God's glory since it is an enemy of your sanctification, why do you treat it so softly?" (The Way, 227)
"Your worst enemy is yourself." (The Way, 225)
"You have come to the apostolate to submit, to annihilate yourself, not to impose your own personal viewpoints." (The Way, 936)

Pray for the grace to suffer well, and ask God to help you know when and for what to offer it up-- do not waste one tear.... let all suffering be redemptive lest it be satanic!

UNDERSTANDING OF THE BASIC PREMISES OF SPIRITUAL WARFARE AND SIN

And now we come to part two--  what can I do to ensure that my suffering is productive and useful and not intrusive and satanic? One thing to keep in mind before we even broach the subject of curses and demonic oppression is that if we experience it, God has allowed it. Sit and chew on that for a while, it's a mind-blower.

The first thing one can do is suffer well. The second thing one can do is look for which experiences we have that could be natural consequences, particularly of sin.
We are diagnosed with diabetes. The devils' work? An occasion for God's work? Or the result of our overeating?
We have a car accident, and then another. The devil's work?  Or a result of our unwillingness to drive more slowly?
Our mother in law keeps driving us crazy and infernally bugging us. Satanic dimension? Or simply a challenging person in need of charity whom we must overcome our passions to serve?
You get where I'm going.

Now, on the other hand, there are legitimate situations where curses are involved and in which we need to search for answers to alleviate the suffering. These types of suffering can come from a curse, either one which has been very specifically placed (by a witch doctor, satan worshipper, etc) or accidentally allowed to alight (whether by disobedience to God's laws, idolatry, etc.)

St John Vianney, for example, the Curé D'Ars, was besieged with horrible experiences at the hands of Satan tailor made to keep him from doing God's work. One need only have a quick glance at the facts to determine which is which. A few select scriptures and common sense questions can help us discern. One tool in particular is the Discernment of Spirits from the Ignatian Exercises.

More importantly, there is a methodical means of determining what's going on, hyper-developped by Charismatic Catholics and Protestants from scripture and personal experiences over the past thirty years or so
since the "re-newal" of the Spirit. There are as many "flavors" of the teaching on curses I'm about to present as there are Charismatic denominations, but I will say that they all share the majority of ideas in common. Keep in mind that I "mastered" these ideas as a protestant, and that there may be some error therein but I am unaware of it. I have asked Roman Catholic exorcists about these ideas in the past and been told they are sound. Consider this a very brief and oversimplified teaching on lifting curses.

Yes, there are people who are cursed because someone in their entourage visited a brujeria or witch doctor and literally cast a spell on them. For those people, the following information will still be helpful.
More importantly, there are people who are cursed because of their own activities.... and these are the people who often realize it the least.

Eph 6:10-13 says:  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Curses are defined as "invisible barriers." In Deuteronomy Ch 28, the Lord lists several possible blessings and curses the Israelites can choose from. It might be helpful for you when you read these verses to make your own list of what God promises for a Blessing and what God promises for a Curse. My own list looks something like this:

The Blessings: 

Exaltation

Health

Fertility

Prosperity

Victory

God's Favor

The Curses:

Humiliation

Barrenness

Mental and physical sickness

Family breakdown

Failure and defeat

Oppression

Poverty

God's disfavor

Based on these ideas, here are eight commonly-held symptoms of a curse. When you read them, you are likely to find that at least one of them relates to you. More likely than not, you are NOT cursed. TWhile many families struggle with these, there are typically more than one of these symptoms present when dealing with a true curse. Keep in mind that in researching this question, it is incredibly helpful to have some idea of your family history or some notes about your family history on hand.

1. Mental or emotional breakdown

2. Repeated or hereditary sickness

3. Barrenness, or a history of miscarriages or stillbirths

4. Alienation in families

5. Continual poverty

6. Being accident prone (we often hear say of some of these people that they "have bad luck.")

7. A history of suicide or unnatural death in the family

8. Repetition of life-dominating sins (alcoholism, abuse, etc)

A curse can have one of five sources:

1. A generational curse. Exodus 34:7 says "Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”

2. A curse of consequence. These are curses imposed on people by idolatrous behavior, or the literal having / keeping of idols, in particular idols from other false religions etc. Sometimes these are bought unknowingly, which makes them even more challenging to find in the home. I've known people who related their troubles directly to the removal of a painting, a sculpture, and even pieces of fabric and wood that had been used in occult ceremonies or very sinful situations. Deuteronomy 7:25, 26: The images of their gods you are to burn in the fire. Do not covet the silver and gold on them, and do not take it for yourselves, or you will be ensnared by it, for it is detestable to the LORD your God. Do not bring a detestable thing into your house or you, like it, will be set apart for destruction. Regard it as vile and utterly detest it, for it is set apart for destruction.

3. Occult curses. Isaiah 8:19-22 explains it well: When someone tells you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God? Why consult the dead on behalf of the living? Consult God’s instruction and the testimony of warning. If anyone does not speak according to this word, they have no light of dawn.  Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land; when they are famished, they will become enraged and, looking upward, will curse their king and their God.  Then they will look toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they will be thrust into utter darkness.

4. Pronounced curses. These will often fall into the "visit to a witchdoctor" category and are common curses that are pronounced against God-fearing people. I pulled these scriptures from Psalm 109: 7-10.
(the curse of condemnation/ being cut off)
7 When he is tried, let him come forth guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin! 
(the curse of early death and physical affliction)
8 May his days be few;
may another take his office! 
(the curse of disaster in family-- often passed on through generations)
9 May his children be fatherless
and his wife a widow! 
(the curse of financial disaster)
10 May his children wander about and beg,
seeking food far from the ruins they inhabit!

5. Spoken curses. Numbers 14:28
Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you.

This falls under the use of the tongue, and is often demonstrative of our OWN misuse of our OWN tongues. How many times has someone said to you "you are so stupid!" before you started to believe it? How many times have you yourself said: "You are killing me here," or "I will never forgive her?" Each time we misuse our tongues, God hears us, and in certain conditions our out-of-control tongues can be our own downfall.

A great teacher on this topic is Derek Prince, who wrote a wonderful book called: "Does your tongue need healing?" In his book, he points out the endless scriptures contained in the Bible which warn us to submit our tongues to God instead of doing whatever comes out of them. If this is a topic you are interested in, stay tuned to this blog where I will cover the misuse, and proper use, of the tongue because "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Prov 18:21) Remember also that scripture tells us that the heart overflows through the mouth, so keep that in mind and really LISTEN with spiritual ears to what you are saying to others and yourself.

In proverbs 26:2 we read that the curse without cause will not come. "Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest."One thing we need to remain aware of is that a curse will alight on it's sender if the person it is sent TO is living a holy life. Ie, the more we remain in the state of grace, the more easily a curse-- even a very specifically sent curse--- will just roll right off us. On the other hand, if we are doing the cursing, we can be on the receiving end of the curse we send out. So again, cleanse those tongues and spend some time in examination of conscience each night. Go to confession. Repentance is always the key that unlocks the door to deliverance.

The Law of Blessing, or righteous living within the context of proper and right use of spiritual means at your disposal to do good and be good, is found in 1 Peter 3:5-12. Chew on this one for a while.

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love,a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 10 For
“Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good;
let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are open to their prayer.
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

And lastly, the Law of Cursing:
We read this law in Psalm 109:16-19. It's pretty self-explanatory, so I will just let you read it and meditate it on your own without breaking it down for you.
16 For he did not remember to show kindness,
but pursued the poor and needy
and the brokenhearted, to put them to death.
17 He loved to curse; let curses come upon him!
He did not delight in blessing; may it be far from him!
18 He clothed himself with cursing as his coat;
may it soak into his body like water,
like oil into his bones!
19 May it be like a garment that he wraps around him,
like a belt that he puts on every day!

HERE ARE A FEW SIMPLE STEPS TO FIND FREEDOM FROM A CURSE:

These are obviously over-simplified but should give you a basic plan of attack through which to work with your confessor or spiritual director. My suggestion would be to spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament praying about everything you've read here, and there asking Jesus to help you determine whether He has called you to suffer or overcome in whatever you are facing, and to help you to discern the right steps to take in doing so. 

1. Confess your sins and the sins of your fathers

2. Forgive all the others involved

3. Renounce ALL contact with the occult and demons

4. Transfer the curse to Christ (Galatians 3:13)

5. Receive a blessing in the place of a curse (Galatians 3:14)

Many blessings to you, friends!

Planned Parenthood lies about parenthood

Below is the text from Planned Parenthood's website in a section titled "How Can I Know If Parenting Is the Right Option for Me?" Since people who consider themselves pro-choice rarely, if ever, say they are pro-abortion, they often use this page on Planned Parenthood's website as evidence that  planned parenthood supports people in choosing parenthood. Apart from the obvious fallacy there (if a person has sex, they morally should have accepted the choice of parenthood at that time, because sex can make a baby, regardless of whether contraception is used or not) and apart from the fact that their page promotes so many different "alternative lifestyle choices" in the context of parenthood ("Should I parent with a partner?" etc.)  it is important to point out the manipulations used by Planned Parenthood to make actual parenthood sound like the plague. My comments will be in italics.

We all have many important decisions to make in life. What to do about an unplanned pregnancy is an important and common decision faced by women. In fact, about half of all women in the U.S. have an unplanned pregnancy at some point in their lives. About 6 out of 10 women with unplanned pregnancies decide to continue their pregnancies. (Nearly half of pregnancies among American women are unintended, and about four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.[1] Twenty-two percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.[2] Live Action has reported that over 35% of PP’s income comes from abortion and that PP lies about the famous 3%.)

Every woman's situation is different, and only you can decide what is best in your case. If you're trying to decide if parenting is the right option for you, you may find it helpful to list the advantages and disadvantages of having a child. Think about what advantages or disadvantages are most important to you. (Notice they immediately begin to implant the idea that this concerns only one person-- the woman. What about the father? More importantly, what about the human being growing in her womb?) Consider your feelings and values about raising a child, and what you want for your life and for your family or future family.

Some Things to Ask Yourself If You Are Thinking About Raising a Child

Am I ready to help a child feel wanted and loved?
(NO parent is ready to do that all the time. We learn to do it over time as we develop a relationship with our children and remain committed to them.)
Am I ready to cope with a tighter budget, less time for myself, and more stress?
(Gee, where do I sign up?)
Do I have the support of family and friends?
(Do I NEED the support of family and friends? If I don't have it, seems to me I might need new friends and some space from my family.)
Am I ready to accept responsibility for all my child's needs?
(Don't know a single parent who is without kicking and screaming.)
Would I prefer to have a child at another time?
(Anyone with 3+ kids will tell you-- there is NEVER a convenient time to have a baby. Only a panic attack. And yet.... it always works out exactly as it should.)
Is anyone pressuring me to continue or end the pregnancy?
(me, me, me, me, me blah blah blah blah blah)
How do I feel about other women who have children from unplanned pregnancies?
(Let's try this instead: "Does it matter how I feel, or should I change my attitude?")
Can I afford to have a child?
(No one can. And yet we all find what we need to do it.)
What would it mean for my future and my family's future if I had a child now?
(You already have a child. In your womb. Which they would like you to exterminate.)
How important is it to me what other people will think about my decision?
(Again, does it matter?)
Can I handle the experience of pregnancy and raising a child?
(I dare you to find me a mother who retrospectively couldn't. Each of these questions is so subtle but so manipulative.)

If you are already a parent, ask yourself how bringing another child into your family will affect your other children.
(Again with the big lies. Other children are ALWAYS happy to have a new addition. Unless we make them hate the idea by spazzing over whether they are jealous or not. Children are naturally overjoyed to have more children around, that's just how they operate.)

Think about what your answers mean to you. You may (MAY??? I MAY??) want to discuss your answers with your partner, someone in your family, a friend, a trusted religious adviser, or a counselor.

What Are Some of the Advantages and Disadvantages of Parenting?

Though parenting is hard work, it brings many rewards. Being a parent can be exciting and deeply rewarding. It can help you grow, understand yourself better, and enhance your life. (More of the me-me-mes. How about parenting helps other people grow, understand THEMSELVES better, and enhances THEIR lives?? Who are these insanely selfish women they are writing to??) Parents can feel delight at their child's accomplishments and the love and bond they share. (Are all parents associated with planned parenthood having babies to feel good and experience love??) Many people say that parenting brings great happiness and a deeper understanding of themselves.

But (here it comes!) parents often give up a lot for their children. Meeting a child's needs can be very challenging. Parents deal with less sleep and less time to do the things they need and want to do. Having a baby is expensive, (pure fabrication. Having a baby is practically free... they don't need all the junk people go crazy for in babies-R-us. Just a place to lay their heads.... like Jesus.) and many people find it hard to support their children. (well, yeah. Since they are raising kids who want EVERYTHING, just like mom.) Having children can also put a parent's school plans or career on hold. (But doesn't have to!)

Many people find that having a child can test even the strongest relationship. And if you are single parenting, you may find it more difficult to find and keep a relationship. (Well, who wants an untested, untried relationship???)

If you already have children, you know firsthand both the joys and challenges parenting can bring. A child will change your life, whether it is your first child or not. If you don't have any children, talking with other parents about their daily lives with their children may help give you an idea about what you could expect.

Who Can Help Me Decide?

Most women look to their husbands, partners, families, health care providers, clergy, or someone else they trust for support as they make their decision about an unplanned pregnancy. Even though the decision about what to do about your pregnancy is up to you, most women find they'd also like to talk with trusted people in their lives to help them make up their minds.

If you need help deciding, specially trained educators at women's health clinics — like your Planned Parenthood health center — (there's the bait!) can talk it through with you. They can talk with you in private or you may bring someone with you if you wish. When looking for someone to talk with about your options, beware of so-called "crisis pregnancy centers." They are run by people who are against abortion, and who will not give you information about all of your options. (in other words--- look out for the people who will try to convince you that abortion isn't a good choice. o.O)

Whether you choose adoption or to become a parent, if there is a chance that you will continue the pregnancy, you should begin prenatal care as soon as possible. You should have a medical exam early in your pregnancy — and regularly throughout your pregnancy — to make sure that you are healthy and the pregnancy is normal. (planned parenthood can't help you there, right?)

Even though most women have safe and healthy pregnancies, there are certain risks of pregnancy for a woman. They range from discomforts, such as nausea, fatigue, and aches and pains, to more serious risks, such as blood clots, high blood pressure, and diabetes. In extremely rare cases, complications can be fatal. That's why early and regular prenatal care is very important. (Sure, let's go ahead and scare them off with the idea of imminent death and disease)

It may be important to take your time and think carefully about your decision. But you may not want to wait too long. If you are considering abortion, you should know that abortion is very safe, but the risks increase the longer a pregnancy goes on. (Lets hurry up and abort this baby! I've got a long line here. Pressure, pressure, pressure. The abortion pill, given in the EARLY stages, can be fatal. But they don't want to tell you that.)


Can I Meet a Child's Needs?

Children have many needs. Your child will depend on you — for food, shelter, safety, affection, and guidance.

Parenting requires lots of love, energy, and patience. It is often complicated and frustrating. Your child's needs will constantly change and so will your ability to meet those needs. There will be times when you may feel that you are not doing a good job at parenting. To feel good about being a parent, it must be what you want to do — for a long time.
(Really? Because every mother-of-many I know who has embraced her vocation as wife and mother will be the first to tell you that they wake up daily wondering how in the world they are going to do it all and how long it would take the family to notice if they sneak out the window....  And then they get up and do it all. Because they are heroes. And who doesn't want to be a hero?)

If you are thinking about becoming a parent, you may wonder if you are prepared. Do you have what you might need to take care of a child?

Time — children can put your school plans or career on hold. (negative)
Energy and care — children need parents who are loving, patient, and flexible. (and honest-- because no one is loving, patient and flexible all the time)
Planning — having children takes daily planning, as well as long-term planning for the next stages of the child's life. (Uh, no. It takes creativity and a good survival instinct. Which gets developped over time and with practice. The planners are the moms who take years to adjust to motherhood. Wrong again, PP.)
Material things and money — children need clothes, diapers, food, and health care, and they often need day care. (No they don't!! This is one of the biggest lies I hear all the time. Children need a place to lay their heads. Cloth diapers cost practically nothing. God made us to be able to breastfeed-- food costs practically nothing. Good hygiene, safety and nutrition will reduce the need for medical care and a day care? Are you kidding me? No one NEEDS a daycare. They just want one.)

Parenting is hard work — (way to stay positive!) whether you are single and parenting or parenting with a partner, and whether it is your first child or another child in the family. A child requires nonstop care, and having a partner or other family member to share the work of parenting can make the job much easier. (isolation technique for moms with no significant other or support. PP is NOT your friend. )

New parents, whether they are single or in a couple, need support from lots of places. Worries about money and time are common for parents, and every family needs support now and then. Sometimes that might be grocery shopping, hand-me-down clothes, babysitting time, or just someone to talk with.

Single Parenting

Many people find themselves single parenting, or choose to become single parents. (??!) Single parenting can be very challenging, but it's certainly not impossible.

If you're thinking of single parenting, talk with family and friends about the help you will need. Find out how much time, energy, and money the people in your life are willing to give to you and your baby. If you will need money, be realistic about how much your friends and family can give. Some people will be able to help a lot, while others will be only able to help a little. If you need government support, keep in mind that it will only cover part of what you will need. (again with the positives!)

But being a single parent has its advantages, too. Because you will not have to make compromises with a partner, you can raise the child as you wish — with your values, principles, and beliefs. (unebelievably sneaky way to implant into women the idea that their partner gets in their way and is a burden. Like we women need help in this department.)


Parenting With a Partner

A partnership can provide parents with much-needed support. Many couples find great satisfaction in sharing the responsibility of raising a child. They find their love and commitment to each other is made deeper by their shared love for their child.

However, parenting can also put stress on relationships. Parents may disagree about what is best for a child. If you have a baby, your relationship with your partner will change. Joint parenting takes good communication and a solid commitment in hard times. (Hard times which can be overcome.)

When Extra Support Is Needed

Women often have a wide range of emotions after giving birth. The joy of a new baby can be mixed with feelings of sadness and anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Childbirth causes sudden shifts in hormones that can cause these feelings. You may need some extra support if you suffer from the "baby blues"during your baby's first few days or weeks.

Long-term depression is more common if a woman has a history of emotional problems or if she does not have supportive people in her life. Women should seek help from a health care provider or counselor if depression lasts more than two weeks or keeps them from doing what they need to do each day. (Here we go with the mental illness angle. Mothering creates mental illness. Mhmmmmm. Ok then.)

Overall, having lots of support from other people will be a big help to you if you decide to become a parent. Thinking about how much support you can expect from other people can be very important as you decide what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. (as you can see.... Planned Parenthood doesn't want people to choose parenthood.)


Another website, the National Abortion Federation, has a similar page.  Even more appalling, here is how it's overview of parenting opens:
"Parenthood means that you are choosing to carry the pregnancy to term and to raise your child. It is important that you fully consider all of your options when making this decision. Becoming a parent means that you are financially, legally, physically, and emotionally responsible for the upbringing of your child until adulthood. When you decide to become a parent you are choosing to embark on an experience that many find enriching and life-affirming but also difficult in many ways (...) " The website goes on to recommend a visit to Planned Parenthood for safe, honest, and accurate information about parenthood. REALLY?


Are you starting to get a picture here?? These people don't want you to become parents. They want you to FEAR parenthood, and to fail at it if you attempt it. Free your minds..... fight the propaganda. The bottom line is that parenting is the HARDEST thing you will do in your life. But it's also the most rewarding. No parent is ever "ready" for what lies ahead. You become ready by asking for the grace you need each day to overcome whatever difficulties life hands your way. No parent has the resources, patience, strength, abilities, and knowledge they need starting out in the journey to parenthood. These things come as you hope, pray, dream, beg for help, and learn to cope.
That mom you see piling 12 kids into her bus at Target is not made of different material than you. She is not a mutant, a martian, or an anomaly. She is fully alive... accepting that suffering and living for others is part of the human experience-- and often the most rewarding part because it brings so much purity, joy, and clarity.
Parenthood is about learning to overcome. About driving on. About doing it all for the sake of the future and the good of society. These same people who are advocating abortion are the ones out there promoting parenting ideas that reject notions of right and wrong, traditional values, and all of the things which are designed to help us along the way. Planned Parenthood wants us to kill our children and utterly destroy them if we don't kill them.


Make no mistake: a new child always brings a hope for the future with him when he arrives. He brings with him the resources his parents need to raise him, whatever the situation.


In my OB office, there is a sign above the ultrasound machine that reads: "a child is God's way of saying that life will go on." 
Choose Life.

Torah, Talmud, and the New Covenant: Questions from readers

Hey Barbie, I had a quick question for you-
Have you read/do you take from or adhere to the Talmud to any degree? I think I remember you mentioning wanting a Kosher kitchen one day, so I take it that you don't eat meat and dairy (which is a talmudic interpretation of the biblical command to not boil a kid in its mother's milk, right?)
thanks! I've been trying to sort through my feelings on talmud, kind of confused at this point!
-Nikki

Dear Nikki,
I always love your questions!! They are right up my alley and I admire you both for thinking about these things and for having the courage to seek answers.
There are a lot of different opinions within the Hebrew Catholic community about this topic. I regularly read blogs and hear from people who follow Talmudic teachings in their daily life to the point of being indistinguishable in the externals from an orthodox Jew, for example (aside from their regular attendance at daily mass!) On the other side of that spectrum are Hebrew Catholics who reject the Talmud entirely and want you to know why.
The answer for all of us lies somewhere in the middle, as you will usually discover when dealing in all things Catholic.

On the one hand, the Talmud is the Oral Law--- the transmission of accurate Jewish interpretation of the written law with the addition of "traditions" which have been in place since the beginning of Judaism.
In the whole spectrum of Christianity, no one understands this better than us Catholics, who also have an ORAL and WRITTEN law. We understand that the scriptures require proper interpretation, by people who have the authority to do so, and we rely on BOTH to live lives worthy of  God's calling.
Because of our unique understanding of this issue, we have to have some incredible respect for the Talmud. If we study it carefully, therein we find all sorts of fascinating information that points directly to the Christian faith.

On the other hand, if you are a Christian, you believe that Jesus Christ IS the Messiah and that He deepened both our understanding of the Law and our methods of adherence TO the law. In other words, there was a moment of distinction between the old and new covenants... a moment where those who accepted the first task, for whatever reason rejected the completion of the work begun in them.

There are elements of the Talmud that are absolutely, astonishingly (but not surprisingly) anti-Christ in nature.
This has to be acknowledged by any honest person seeking out how to integrate their Hebrew and Christian lives.
There are specifics about Jesus in the Talmud which are not only lies, but outrageous lies that only a Jew who didn't believe Jesus was the Messiah would write.... for instance that Jesus was a sorcerer and idolater who swayed people to stay away from the "real" Jewish religion, or that he was punished for these things and condemned to an eternity in hell boiling in excrement. (!) etc.

Those elements make it very challenging for any honest Hebrew Catholic or person interested in preserving Hebrew culture and religion within the context of Christianity to integrate the Talmud in it's entirety. Certainly these lies come from the Father of Lies and have been used to perpetuate the darkness over Israel if Christianity is indeed true.
On the other hand, we are Catholics-- and famous for never throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Whereas many evangelicals reject greek myths, folk tales, modern science, etc... we seek to always find whatever Truth there may be in the things we encounter, and embrace it. Therefore there is no harm in appreciating, studying, and in some way "living" the Talmud provided you understand that it contains both truth and error and you must always measure up what you THINK God may be saying to you to what the Church IS saying to you because there is only one source of perfect doctrine this side of heaven.

My motto when it comes to stuff like this is "when in doubt, leave it out."

I realize how difficult it can be sometimes to feel so caught between two worlds, but having spent many hours in prayer talking to God about it one thing that he has really helped me with is to see how Jesus Himself experienced that same "stuck between worlds" and suffered tremendously because of it... eventually overcoming in a way that sheds light on how we are to overcome now. St Paul reminds us to "be all things for all people." And this is our task.

As far as the specifics of your question with regard to Kashrut, I used to, previous to returning to the Church, eat a Kosher diet. Were I not married, I probably still would, but God saw fit to place me with a man who tempers my enthusiasm for all things Jewish in a way I truly need in order to live an authentically "Catholic"-- as opposed to singularly "Jewish" life. This is because he is a constant, and often vocal,  reminder of the goodness in being Greek. :D

In obedience to my husband, I do not force the issue and I do not keep a kosher kitchen. During certain periods of the year, especially during Lent, I make a special effort to observe Jewish dietary laws within the context of my lenten fast and without offending anyone around me or making it noticeable. (ie my husband probably doesn't even realize that that is in fact a lenten practice of mine.)

That being said, there is nothing WRONG with keeping a kosher kitchen, so long as you remember that you are no longer obligated to keep said kosher kitchen, because the purpose of all Law is to unite us to Christ-- not just in "keeping it" but because it speaks to us about who He is.

In other words, if you are interested in something like a kosher diet, pray and study about how eating kosher can reflect Christ in the world. What was the purpose of the biblical dietary laws and how do they speak to us of God and His expectations of us in light of Christ?

The important thing is to keep an eye on the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Does keeping Kosher (or adhering to Talmud in any other aspect) produce in you charity, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Wonderful.
Or have you become proud towards people who do not keep Kosher? Have you been disgusted by those who eat what you consider unclean?

I hope that helps!! Many Blessings,
Barbie