I find myself saying a lot to people I don't know that: "I've got two kids two and under."
I say it sometimes as an excuse (why my clothes are always have huge stains on the front or why I'm fifteen minutes late to an appointment.)
I say it as an explanation (why my bookshelves have a row of books followed by a row of plastic animals, or why there are pizza boxes in my sock drawer)
I say it as a reason not to have to do the thing the rest of the world says are necessary (like watch TV shows, or talk on the phone all day)
On some days the "two two and under" thing terrifies me. Like, when I have to travel on an airplane. Or entertain more than four guests. Or when I really need a nap.But most days, I'm kinda proud--- not in a bad way, but just in a "wow, I can't believe God allowed me to experience this and graced me to sort of succeed at this" way.
There is this blessed silence early in the morning and after 7pm at night when the kids are sleeping and I am able to reconnect with myself. In that silence, I'm often amazed at what happens on a daily basis, around the clock, ]in this house. It takes insane amounts of energy to keep up with two kids two and under. It takes organization. It takes patience.
In some ways, being a mom to two kids two and under is the single hardest thing I've ever done. We work hard to create in these kids a character and a moral resiliency that we have no earthly clue how to achieve. We are fighting uphill battles day and night because of the moral decay of our society. There is no time for "me time" when every second you are distracted the Enemy of your children's souls is lurking and waiting to pounce.
It takes vigilance beyond anything you've ever been prepared for.
The other day, for example, I had let my oldest watch an episode of little einstein while I worked on fine motor skill development in some games with my youngest. Halfway through our session, he got this blowout diaper that required a change of clothes along with the new diaper. So I went to work taking care of that,did a couple of other things, and then I realized that the DVR had stopped the playback and had already moved to live TV. I moved in to turn it off and found my daughter, staring intently at the screen. On the screen was the singer "Pink," wearing an outfit made entirely of fishnet, making out with another woman wearing an outfit made of fishnet. At 8:00 in the morning. On public TV. VIGILANCE. It taught me that I can not let ANYTHING escape me.
It's difficult to be vigilant when you have two kids two and under. It takes constantly choosing them over you. It takes finesse, humor, research, wisdom (applied knowledge) and patience. It takes forethought. And when you have two kids two and under, forethought is not something that comes easily... I am the world's most "scheduled" person, and yet I don't think I've followed my actual schedule more than a handful of times in the entire year.
My sister in law recently had a baby and was lamenting the fact that just as she had established a really good routine with the new baby and gotten comfortable, she has begun to change and grow in a way that now required a whole NEW routine. I told her that was the hardest thing about parenting. It's like, constant experimentation to see what works for your family, and yet never getting to the end of the road where everything is perfect and smooth-- if you do, it lasts only a few days before things need tweaking and changing again!
I've got quite a few other friends who are currently pregnant with their firsts and who want to have big families. One of them, the other day was describing her absolute disgust with certain smells and sights as a pregnant person. I laughed and reminded her of the days when I was changing two blow out poopie diapers a day while just as pregnant and nauseated. Pregnancy prepares you for the experience of motherhood-- it's like a boot camp that lasts nine months instead of nine weeks. And it's brutal, but if you listen to the clues, it teaches you how to begin to die to yourself and live for others. The world, so intent on the destruction of your family, would have you believe that your wedding day and your pregnancy are all about YOU-- that they are all about YOUR wants, desires, cravings, and whims. But the truth is, these events are signposts in your spiritual life as a woman, markings that remind you: this is about giving love, and what is required of us when we do so.
I'm thankful that my pregnancy with my second was as difficult as it was to have with a toddler. I'm thankful for that because it refined me and caused me to learn that if I was committed to raising good kids, it was going to be the most work I've ever had in my life.
Because it takes commitment! I know plenty of people-- and many of them are friends and personal acquaintances-- who are working hard to create children who epitomize the world's values. Their central purpose as parents is to help their kids "find themselves" and "explore life" and "be open minded."
I'm working hard to raise up kids who "find God" and "give life" and are "God-minded." Because we differ so much in our goals, it even takes care to determine how much influence those kids have on my own and vice versa.... I have to be vigilant even in playdates, in babysitter's philosophies, in just about everything we come into contact with.
But vigilance does not mean that I intend to raise my kids in a bubble! It means that we deal with things as we encounter them, and that we do what we can to ensure their emotional ability to handle the things that come their way. I KNOW that innocence is lost and that it is VERY difficult to find again. But I also know -- and have seen with my own eyes-- the problematic scenario of raising kids who know nothing else but what they have been presented. I think, more important, is to present your family with reality--- but to make sure it's God's reality.
I saw two things yesterday that really made me think.
The first was inspiring. I was watching the Duggars the other day and they took a weekend trip to San Francisco. the dad, Jim Bob, was hysterical when he was describing what the upcoming trip would be like. He kept saying things like : "we're here, a conservative family, visiting probably the most liberal city in the world." He kept saying it over and over in wonder. he knew they would be confronted with every type of immorality and ugliness the wold had to offer, and yet he was just amazed at the opportunity to bring some light with him.
The trip was amazing to watch. I grew up in California, where my world was nearly identical to what they were experiencing on their trip. And my initial response, as I became a Christian, was to leave that world behind and never look back. The new age spirit and "everything goes" mentality pervades even the staunchest of Christian morality over there.
And yet I watched them go in and talk to people--- kids on the street, head shop employees, baristas--- everyone. And to bring a little light with them when they went. They weren't afraid to step in and love people. They were often pretty naive about their surroundings, but they were certainly an element of love that glowed in the darkness--- they brought a new kind of "peace" to the streets of Haight/Ashbury: one that wasn't dingy, dirty, smoky and dreadlocked but shiny and healthy and glowing. It was so encouraging to watch.
Later on in the day, I discovered this youtube video about a mom who had been on some show called "wife swap" or something. Apparently, she had traded places with another mom for a certain period of time for the purpose of filming this show. The mom in question called herself a Christian. She was apparently appalled at the new age stuff she had to live with in the home she was at, and particularly irritated that her own family was exposed to the occult, astrology, etc. Now, in theory, I agree with this woman-- I mean, I would have been VERY upset to have those things in my home as well. But her response was soooooo tormented, so dark, and so crazy that in the end it was SHE who suffered from an unnatural darkness and not the other woman. And why? Because first, she had gone into the whole thing with an "us" vs "them" mentality-- she wasn't concerned with PEOPLE. She couldn't have cared less. Jim Bob Duggar, in San Fransciso, made it a a point to remind us several times during the episode that people are people, everywhere you go. This woman, on the other hand, had lost the humanity she was faced with. Likewise, her own sin and her initial poor judgement caused her family to suffer: why had this family chosen to be on such a ridiculous show? Why had they chosen to lose control over their own children? Etc etc. This brief video is so disturbing on so many levels, but mostly because she is dead wrong in her approach to rightness.
How do we avoid the trap to become isolated and isolationist, and yet still raise good kids? For me, it's all in the "two kids under two" issue.
Because I have two, my horizons are broadened. If I had three, they would be even more! Let alone eight, or ten, or twelve. Because I have two kids under two, and because I know that most of their moral plumbline will develop before they are five, I HAVE to intellectually examine every influence and idea they encounter. I HAVE to pray every day, because without God I could NEVER do this alone.
They are constantly into everything, and I have no choice but to pay attention. When we are faced with some moral issue, I tell them the truth. We talk about what we see. We discuss it. If mommy and daddy slip and exchange a harsh word in front of them, the answer to "what's wrong?" is not "it's nothing," but rather: "mommy and daddy are being mean to each other... and we are sorry for doing it and wish we hadn't."
Kids are like sponges. Kids are work. Kids are exhausting. But the exchange that occurs when you have two kids two and under who demand and deserve every ounce of strength you can muster.... oh man.
There's nothing like hearing your two-year old say "Here daddy, I made this dinner for you because I love you!" and watch her hand him a real meal, or watching your one- year old hear you say no without raising your voice, shake his head no, and turn from the object of his interest. There's nothing like watching your child, when she's hurt, grab a statue of Jesus and hug him on the floor and say "Jesus, I have an owie. You can make me feel better!"
There is NOTHING as rewarding as having two kids two and under.... it just makes you sit up straight and pay attention, makes you lose every misconception that this world was ever, in any way, about YOU, and makes you appreciate, so much, the tiny graces you receive every day-- from the extra ten minutes of sleep in the morning to the extra big hugs that come out of nowhere to the extra ten minutes you spend on your knees at the end of the day.... it's all such a blessing.
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Ghost Whisperer-- separated at birth?
My husband laughs at me on Friday nights, because I cannot get through a single episode of "The Ghost Whisperer" without weeping. Not just crying, but big tears, runny nose, sniffling, wailing.... weeping.
Before I go on, I want you to know that YES, I understand that it is a cheesy show and that there isn't much to it, but I would argue with anyone who thinks that because of that there is, indeed, NOTHING to it. I find it to be very profound.
For those of you who haven't seen the show, I'll briefly describe:
Melinda, the main character, seems like a totally normal human being. She runs a little antique shop (I think it's in South Carolina... at any rate, it's close enough to Raleigh which means it's supposed to be close to us somewhere) and has a pleasant enough little life. Good friends. Nice house. She's pretty, but awkwardly pretty, not in a generic kind of a way. She's funny. She's intelligent. And she sees ghosts. These ghosts are drawn to her because they know -- on some level-- that she sees them. And drawn they are, in every episode the basic drift is: she "meets" a ghost, the ghost takes her on a wild goose chase as she desperately tries to get it "into the light" and in the end, all is well, the ghost goes off to eternity and she is left to wonder what the next day will bring.
I relate to Melinda like no other TV show character I have ever seen.
First,there's the obvious. She sees these ghosts. The connection there is blatant-- I "sense" spirits-- sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes human, more often not. So I tremendously relate to the comical situations she finds herself in --- drawn to the normality of life while at the same time constantly coming off as "quirky" because she has no choice but to respond to the spiritual reality she is aware of. I laugh out loud every time she gets caught having conversations with no-one or taking actions that to the outside world would make no sense at all. Our experiences are often quite dark and sinister, and yet we both retain this fascination with what we do.
I think about how many times I've been caught "staring intensely into space" or "making a wierd face" or "not paying attention." I relate to the difficulty of having to live two types of lives.
In the show, she's like a little detective, using clues she gets from the ghosts to examine their families and surroundings until she comes up with an answer that explains why the ghost is not "free" to go into the light.
I jokingly say that my own investigative journalistic skills get put to the best use when I'm in mininstry, because like her, I'm working with clues to help me help a person and uncover the truth.
Late nights will find both of us scouring the internet looking at records, letters, photographs--- anything that will help us to uncover what exactly the source of the trouble might be.
In fact, many a friend of mine has watched it with me and laughed...saying: "Dude, that is SO you," as she rabidly taps away on her laptop, powering through death notices and old newspaper classifieds, obsessively searching for new contact numbers and old employee records.
She helps dead people who want to be alive, and I help living people who are so tired of life that many of them wish they were dead. There is an element of one-on-one counseling and committed compassion that goes into this work that reminds me so much of what I see when I watch her work--- ultimately, you do this kind of thing because you love people. Because you care. You do this stuff because God threw it at you and said: "Here it is, and not a lot of people are willing to do it." And then you look in someone's eyes, see the hurt in there, and say.... OK. I'm willing.
Her relationship with her husband is truly reminiscent of my own relationship with mine. We cultivate deep, strong love for each other and in the midst of our struggles we have created a bond that nothing could break.
He has to put up with her eccentricities (the fact that her phone rings at any time of the day or night with a clue or that supernatural events around her are a normality) and I KNOW my husband feels that way. At the same time, he grounds her and helps her to stay with one foot in the natural reality, and I KNOW my husband does that for me.
The episodes deal with real-life issues of sin that have the potential to break and destroy--- each week the show examines guilt and shame that stem from every sort of sin imaginable, and covers them so in depth that it leaves me a wreck--- it really demonstrates how PAINFUL sin is for the soul. Likewise, every case that goes by leaves me more and more aware of the PAIN sin causes us.
In the past few months , the show has taken on a new aspect that I connect with deeply--- and this time, the connection is even more uncanny for me. Her husband has been killed and she is beginning to realize that there are dark forces at work and that everything she loves can be "affected" if she isn't careful. In a wierd way, no matter how much love she has within the structure of her community, her family, her friends, she is still aware that she is alone in the world.
And like her, I've often been in situations where my family and friends came under attack, or where they just COULDN'T follow where I was going-- because sometimes, God allows you to be in the desert, and it's a necessary thing. Through this experience and her subsequent grasping at what lies ahead... I have TOTALLY bonded with her in her "holding out for EVERYTHING." The best there is, she knows and I know, lies ahead. Her idealism and enthusiasm and emotional response to the challenges she faces--- oh man, I feel like I'm looking in a mirror.
All this to say that last night, like every Friday, I was absolutely stunned at what a powerful show this is---- how under the "sappy melodramatic made-for-tv" garbage there is a reflective image of the meaning of life as I see it unfolding, and THAT has really affected me and helped me to "hold on" when it seems that no one out there "gets" what I could possibly go through.
In a wierd way, I often feel like it's God, writing it just for me.
Now, I've totally out-dorked you, Brian. :P
Before I go on, I want you to know that YES, I understand that it is a cheesy show and that there isn't much to it, but I would argue with anyone who thinks that because of that there is, indeed, NOTHING to it. I find it to be very profound.
For those of you who haven't seen the show, I'll briefly describe:
Melinda, the main character, seems like a totally normal human being. She runs a little antique shop (I think it's in South Carolina... at any rate, it's close enough to Raleigh which means it's supposed to be close to us somewhere) and has a pleasant enough little life. Good friends. Nice house. She's pretty, but awkwardly pretty, not in a generic kind of a way. She's funny. She's intelligent. And she sees ghosts. These ghosts are drawn to her because they know -- on some level-- that she sees them. And drawn they are, in every episode the basic drift is: she "meets" a ghost, the ghost takes her on a wild goose chase as she desperately tries to get it "into the light" and in the end, all is well, the ghost goes off to eternity and she is left to wonder what the next day will bring.
I relate to Melinda like no other TV show character I have ever seen.
First,there's the obvious. She sees these ghosts. The connection there is blatant-- I "sense" spirits-- sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes human, more often not. So I tremendously relate to the comical situations she finds herself in --- drawn to the normality of life while at the same time constantly coming off as "quirky" because she has no choice but to respond to the spiritual reality she is aware of. I laugh out loud every time she gets caught having conversations with no-one or taking actions that to the outside world would make no sense at all. Our experiences are often quite dark and sinister, and yet we both retain this fascination with what we do.
I think about how many times I've been caught "staring intensely into space" or "making a wierd face" or "not paying attention." I relate to the difficulty of having to live two types of lives.
In the show, she's like a little detective, using clues she gets from the ghosts to examine their families and surroundings until she comes up with an answer that explains why the ghost is not "free" to go into the light.
I jokingly say that my own investigative journalistic skills get put to the best use when I'm in mininstry, because like her, I'm working with clues to help me help a person and uncover the truth.
Late nights will find both of us scouring the internet looking at records, letters, photographs--- anything that will help us to uncover what exactly the source of the trouble might be.
In fact, many a friend of mine has watched it with me and laughed...saying: "Dude, that is SO you," as she rabidly taps away on her laptop, powering through death notices and old newspaper classifieds, obsessively searching for new contact numbers and old employee records.
She helps dead people who want to be alive, and I help living people who are so tired of life that many of them wish they were dead. There is an element of one-on-one counseling and committed compassion that goes into this work that reminds me so much of what I see when I watch her work--- ultimately, you do this kind of thing because you love people. Because you care. You do this stuff because God threw it at you and said: "Here it is, and not a lot of people are willing to do it." And then you look in someone's eyes, see the hurt in there, and say.... OK. I'm willing.
Her relationship with her husband is truly reminiscent of my own relationship with mine. We cultivate deep, strong love for each other and in the midst of our struggles we have created a bond that nothing could break.
He has to put up with her eccentricities (the fact that her phone rings at any time of the day or night with a clue or that supernatural events around her are a normality) and I KNOW my husband feels that way. At the same time, he grounds her and helps her to stay with one foot in the natural reality, and I KNOW my husband does that for me.
The episodes deal with real-life issues of sin that have the potential to break and destroy--- each week the show examines guilt and shame that stem from every sort of sin imaginable, and covers them so in depth that it leaves me a wreck--- it really demonstrates how PAINFUL sin is for the soul. Likewise, every case that goes by leaves me more and more aware of the PAIN sin causes us.
In the past few months , the show has taken on a new aspect that I connect with deeply--- and this time, the connection is even more uncanny for me. Her husband has been killed and she is beginning to realize that there are dark forces at work and that everything she loves can be "affected" if she isn't careful. In a wierd way, no matter how much love she has within the structure of her community, her family, her friends, she is still aware that she is alone in the world.
And like her, I've often been in situations where my family and friends came under attack, or where they just COULDN'T follow where I was going-- because sometimes, God allows you to be in the desert, and it's a necessary thing. Through this experience and her subsequent grasping at what lies ahead... I have TOTALLY bonded with her in her "holding out for EVERYTHING." The best there is, she knows and I know, lies ahead. Her idealism and enthusiasm and emotional response to the challenges she faces--- oh man, I feel like I'm looking in a mirror.
All this to say that last night, like every Friday, I was absolutely stunned at what a powerful show this is---- how under the "sappy melodramatic made-for-tv" garbage there is a reflective image of the meaning of life as I see it unfolding, and THAT has really affected me and helped me to "hold on" when it seems that no one out there "gets" what I could possibly go through.
In a wierd way, I often feel like it's God, writing it just for me.
Now, I've totally out-dorked you, Brian. :P
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A perfect morning
I had the wonderful opportunity to go to church this morning. The kids were wanting to go to the "parents morning out" nursery program, which I'm usually kind of iffy about... and I was really wanting to go to mass and then to coffee to meet with a friend. So I did-- and it was awesome!
In the nursery, the kids had tons of activities and games that taught them so much... which was a big change from the last time I had left her in this program! Annika even made a bird feeder (the classic pinecone/peanut butter/bird seed kind!) which she had to take home... incredible. I was very pleased and confident that had we stayed home she would have recieved the same sort of care.
Meanwhile, I was able to go to Holy Mass, and that, for me, is always a gift. I felt united with all Christians who were unable to assist at mass, for whatever reason God placed me with the hearts of the faithful from Gaza to China who are not able to enjoy the mass with the liberty that we have, and I was so thankful! The homily was perfect-- about embracing the suffering that comes our way, and little did I know that this homily would be the theme of that morning's coffee conversation anyways.
Today we celebrate the Feast day of St Angela, who was a third order franciscan. It's humbling to think of a third order religious becoming a saint-- this was a person just like me! And this, in turn, was a point that God emphasized later when I was walking out of mass and a Professed Carmelite I love dearly saw me coming and said: "Here is Carmelite Barbie!" Talk about humbling.
I was once again reminded that the call to sanctity is really the first and most important call we must get right. If we miss out on the specific details and plans of our lives according to God's will-- at least we have heard His long-term goal for us: Salvation and Sanctification. Holiness.
Later, as we sat enjoying coffee in one of our favorite little haunts, making friends and chatting with old friends, I was so strongly moved by the sense of community--- of loving the Jesus in each one of the precious women around me, that His presence just pervaded my every sense. I'm so thankful for mornings like these.
Now the kids are happily sleeping, worn out from the beautiful morning and thankful for their own growth, and I am able to reflect, and then rest, in the reality of God all around me. Thank you, Jesus!
In the nursery, the kids had tons of activities and games that taught them so much... which was a big change from the last time I had left her in this program! Annika even made a bird feeder (the classic pinecone/peanut butter/bird seed kind!) which she had to take home... incredible. I was very pleased and confident that had we stayed home she would have recieved the same sort of care.
Meanwhile, I was able to go to Holy Mass, and that, for me, is always a gift. I felt united with all Christians who were unable to assist at mass, for whatever reason God placed me with the hearts of the faithful from Gaza to China who are not able to enjoy the mass with the liberty that we have, and I was so thankful! The homily was perfect-- about embracing the suffering that comes our way, and little did I know that this homily would be the theme of that morning's coffee conversation anyways.
Today we celebrate the Feast day of St Angela, who was a third order franciscan. It's humbling to think of a third order religious becoming a saint-- this was a person just like me! And this, in turn, was a point that God emphasized later when I was walking out of mass and a Professed Carmelite I love dearly saw me coming and said: "Here is Carmelite Barbie!" Talk about humbling.
I was once again reminded that the call to sanctity is really the first and most important call we must get right. If we miss out on the specific details and plans of our lives according to God's will-- at least we have heard His long-term goal for us: Salvation and Sanctification. Holiness.
Later, as we sat enjoying coffee in one of our favorite little haunts, making friends and chatting with old friends, I was so strongly moved by the sense of community--- of loving the Jesus in each one of the precious women around me, that His presence just pervaded my every sense. I'm so thankful for mornings like these.
Now the kids are happily sleeping, worn out from the beautiful morning and thankful for their own growth, and I am able to reflect, and then rest, in the reality of God all around me. Thank you, Jesus!
The Parish Calendar
After much contemplation, I've decided that I find the Parish Calendar absolutely hideous.
I wanted to be optimistic about it... I really did! last year's calendar was this doubly atrocious concoction with wierd looking angels and "cute" quotes that reminded me of something my grandma might cross stitch onto a pillow. The art was bad, the choices were worse, and I couldn't get to December fast enough. But I plowed through it, determined to be faithful to my Parish Community through the use of this calendar they had selected-- my little act of love.
I was overjoyed when I saw that this year's calendar was made by a new company. Further, the front contained an image of the cup and the hosts, and the I thought-- aha! Finally a truly "Catholic" Calendar. At first glance, it appeared gloriously successful at portraying the faith: here a picture of a stained glass window, there a tabernacle, here an image of a woman's hands holding a rosary. Joy!
But the more I look at it, the less I like it. First of all, my initial joy at seeing the insides of churches in some of the pages has faded fast when I realized we are talking about tabernacles and set ups that look more like a space ship than a cathedral: "industrial" looking ceilings criss crosed with wood and metal, sharp angles and round curves-- it's the architecture of modernity, and I hate, hate, hate seeing it in churches. Suffice to say I find it less than inspiring.
Second, I realized that the cover says "Stewardship Calendar." Now I hear this a lot in our parish... that we are a "stewardship" parish-- but what does this mean? Does this mean that the sole focus of our lives is to steward our lives and finances in a godly manner?
Does this mean that because my husband and I choose to tithe WITHOUT the little envelopes that come in the mail each month with our names on them, and thereby anonymously, that we should be somehow judged for not participating in the "stewardship" parish theme? Are people over there in the Parish office worried that we aren't tithing? Is that why our voice is so often "hushed" when we speak out for orthodoxy-- because we don't "steward" the way we are supposed to? What exactly IS a stewardship parish? Does this mean that tithing is our highest aim?
The last time I checked, devotion to God and active participation in the liturgy was the highest aim. How about we call it a "liturgical Calendar" and leave it at that?
My third issue is: the quotes. They are pulled from scripture, but more than 2/3 of them relate to GIVING money! Am I recognizing a theme here or what? Now, don't get me wrong. I believe hard and fast that as Christians it is our responsibility to give to a fault, to tithe abundantly and to recognize that money belongs to the Lord. BUT, being at battle constantly against the principles of the "prosperity gospel" I often find that a disproportionate sense of emphasis on the giving aspect makes my joy curdle--- as Christians we give because we are changed, because we are in love with God, because we know that it is more blessed to give than to receive. But pushing people to give, give, give makes me nervous. Let's push people to be HOLY! Then giving will come naturally.
Let me say this: I miss the traditional calendar. I am sad that my feast day , St Barbara's, has been removed, and that there are changes in the number of Holy Days we actually celebrate on those days instead of just moving them up to Sundays. I'm one of those people who doesn't think a vigil mass is "the same" as the Sunday Mass. I'm one of those people who wants a calendar that reminds us of which days to fast and abstain. (I still haven't seen a modern calendar that does this!) I'm WILLING to use a modern calendar to unite with my parish community and to live by the "new" calendar. But come on. Must we lose EVERYTHING that we have founded our faith on? May we not at least have beautiful traditional images to contemplate that will uplift our souls? Or at the very least quotes that inspire a more well rounded understanding of the faith? I don't know. I was so excited about the parish calendar this year because at first glance it appeared just so--- Catholic! And now I'm sad, because now that I've had time to really examine it, I am having a hard time finding a difference between this calendar and one I could purchase at kenneth copeland ministries or from TBN.... other than the small print emphasizing the lirtugical year on each square and a rosary or tabernacle here or there. Must we change EVERYTHING , people? Everything?
I wanted to be optimistic about it... I really did! last year's calendar was this doubly atrocious concoction with wierd looking angels and "cute" quotes that reminded me of something my grandma might cross stitch onto a pillow. The art was bad, the choices were worse, and I couldn't get to December fast enough. But I plowed through it, determined to be faithful to my Parish Community through the use of this calendar they had selected-- my little act of love.
I was overjoyed when I saw that this year's calendar was made by a new company. Further, the front contained an image of the cup and the hosts, and the I thought-- aha! Finally a truly "Catholic" Calendar. At first glance, it appeared gloriously successful at portraying the faith: here a picture of a stained glass window, there a tabernacle, here an image of a woman's hands holding a rosary. Joy!
But the more I look at it, the less I like it. First of all, my initial joy at seeing the insides of churches in some of the pages has faded fast when I realized we are talking about tabernacles and set ups that look more like a space ship than a cathedral: "industrial" looking ceilings criss crosed with wood and metal, sharp angles and round curves-- it's the architecture of modernity, and I hate, hate, hate seeing it in churches. Suffice to say I find it less than inspiring.
Second, I realized that the cover says "Stewardship Calendar." Now I hear this a lot in our parish... that we are a "stewardship" parish-- but what does this mean? Does this mean that the sole focus of our lives is to steward our lives and finances in a godly manner?
Does this mean that because my husband and I choose to tithe WITHOUT the little envelopes that come in the mail each month with our names on them, and thereby anonymously, that we should be somehow judged for not participating in the "stewardship" parish theme? Are people over there in the Parish office worried that we aren't tithing? Is that why our voice is so often "hushed" when we speak out for orthodoxy-- because we don't "steward" the way we are supposed to? What exactly IS a stewardship parish? Does this mean that tithing is our highest aim?
The last time I checked, devotion to God and active participation in the liturgy was the highest aim. How about we call it a "liturgical Calendar" and leave it at that?
My third issue is: the quotes. They are pulled from scripture, but more than 2/3 of them relate to GIVING money! Am I recognizing a theme here or what? Now, don't get me wrong. I believe hard and fast that as Christians it is our responsibility to give to a fault, to tithe abundantly and to recognize that money belongs to the Lord. BUT, being at battle constantly against the principles of the "prosperity gospel" I often find that a disproportionate sense of emphasis on the giving aspect makes my joy curdle--- as Christians we give because we are changed, because we are in love with God, because we know that it is more blessed to give than to receive. But pushing people to give, give, give makes me nervous. Let's push people to be HOLY! Then giving will come naturally.
Let me say this: I miss the traditional calendar. I am sad that my feast day , St Barbara's, has been removed, and that there are changes in the number of Holy Days we actually celebrate on those days instead of just moving them up to Sundays. I'm one of those people who doesn't think a vigil mass is "the same" as the Sunday Mass. I'm one of those people who wants a calendar that reminds us of which days to fast and abstain. (I still haven't seen a modern calendar that does this!) I'm WILLING to use a modern calendar to unite with my parish community and to live by the "new" calendar. But come on. Must we lose EVERYTHING that we have founded our faith on? May we not at least have beautiful traditional images to contemplate that will uplift our souls? Or at the very least quotes that inspire a more well rounded understanding of the faith? I don't know. I was so excited about the parish calendar this year because at first glance it appeared just so--- Catholic! And now I'm sad, because now that I've had time to really examine it, I am having a hard time finding a difference between this calendar and one I could purchase at kenneth copeland ministries or from TBN.... other than the small print emphasizing the lirtugical year on each square and a rosary or tabernacle here or there. Must we change EVERYTHING , people? Everything?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
If the Eucharist is not true---
I witnessed the most extraordinary thing today.
First, today was the first day I brought my 1962 Baronius press (LOVE those guys) missal and it really, really did make my experience more meaningful.
I was a bit edgy about doing this because I normally use the Daily Roman Missal and I was concerned I would not be able to follow along.
To make it easier, I had gone through and highlighted the portions of the Latin Mass that have been retained in the Novus Ordo, and so I followed along just fine, but in between, and in the silences, I was able to deepen my experience by praying along with the Tridentine Rite-- those beautiful, deep, theologically rich prayers.
Likewise today was the Feast of the Conversion of St Paul--- a man who I see my own life reflected in time and time again. Reflecting on my own conversion in light of his was an absolutely amazing exercise.
Because of all these things, my experience today at mass was very rich, despite the fact that had I not brought this missal I would have spent most of the mass rather peeved that they have ONCE AGAIN changed the melody of the Agnes Dei and the Gloria to this happy clappy campy garbage that reminds me of mariachi bands. Honestly.
Undeterred and determined to meet the Lord at the altar despite these frustrations, I received communion in peace and experienced amazing consolation as the Lord made His home in my body.
Normally, after communion, Peter and I kneel even though most people stand, and we pray with our heads in our hands.... we do this, we have discussed, because it is such an intimate moment for us. YES it is a communal action, but we don't feel like we need to stand and sing with the community just to say that-- we have received the Lord, who IS our communion, and so we stop to enjoy the private, personal ways in which he speaks to us at that moment... in the silence.
We don't feel the need for the additional "community" fellowship because the PERFECT sign of community fellowship has just been given-- we have all received the SAME Lord. Forgive the tangent, haha.
ANYWAYS... Sometimes I like to look up at the big crucifix there and to stare into Jesus' eyes and talk to Him from my heart that way. Which is what I was doing, when out of the corner of my eyes I caught a strange movement that caught my attention.
A woman was receiving communion from our Parish priest, only she was behaving bizarrely. Rather than cup her hands like most people who receive in the hand she simply took the host from the priest's hand. Which was odd, to say the least--- my impression that she wasn't so much "receiving communion" as she was "taking it." Right at that moment, I felt my stomach tighten and became accutely aware of the presence of some dark evil. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up... and on the backs of my hands, in the same way they do when I am praying for someone's deliverance or aware of a spirit in my vicinity.
I concentrated intensely to see what would happen next. All I can say is that the Holy Spirit must have WANTED me specifically to see this-- because no one to my right or to my left had noticed.
This same woman who had received so bizarrely actually PRETENDED to put the host in her mouth, all the while slipping it into the folds of her fingers and carefully hiding it from sight. She was beside a man with a somewhat withered arm, and he moved into my view (purposely?) which blocked me from seeing what she did next with the host. It appeared to me that she might have been passing it to him, but since they were in the line to receive the Sacred Blood of Our Lord I tried to assume the best and ignore the sick feeling I was getting from watching this scene unfold. All of a sudden, they both turned without receiving the bloood and started to head back up the aisle. The host was no longer anywhere to be seen. I was panicked---- had she swallowed it? If not, where was this woman taking my precious Lord? I didn't know the correct protocol to stop her, and having just had a rather ... interesting altercation with the presiding priest the previous day in which I was afraid he thought I was some sort of psycho traddie, I was terrified to say something to him either... In my frustration, the Holy Spirit breathed peace over me and reminded me of what I do daily.... "You're a spiritual warrior and a carmelite," he said. "So you must pray. This is the only thing that matters." I began to pray and as I did the woman's feet hit the first row of pews from the front. A man sitting on the very end of the pew, to my amazement, grabbed her by the wrist and gave her a pointed look. She rolled her eyes and put the host, which she had hidden from sight in the crease between her fingers, in her mouth. she hurried away down the aisle out of my line of sight.
All of this happened in the space of a few seconds. As far as I could tell only myself and this man had witnessed the scene unfold. And I wept, and wept and wept, inconsolably. I felt like Mary Magdalen asking "Where have they taken my Lord?" Something in me told me that this woman did this habitually, that this was not her first time ,and I got a strong sense that she was using these hosts for some sort of ritual in her home, although, obviously that is not verifiable at this time. Meanwhile, I was just so emotional about it the whole thing, I was a total wreck.
I often feel that the Lord allows me to see evil so strongly and so vibrantly because it solidifies in me a sense of healthy fear and dependence on Him alone-- it gives me the sense that these things He is doing in me, in my life and in my ministry are REAL, and thus that my sanity has not been compromised by my faith and my faith has not been compromised by my sanity. Just this morning I had been discussing in the Myspaz R&P the "realness" of the Flesh and Blood of Our Lord in the Eucharist vs the "symbolicness" of it according to protestant theology. If the Eucharist is not what the Catholic Church teaches that it is, then what would this woman want with it? Why would she steal it? Certainly, she could have wanted it to give to someone else, but if she believed that there was a good in the eucharist that she could give to a sick person or person in need so that Our Eucharistic Lord can heal them, then she knows also that communion is available to those who ask for it and that she could have gotten it a different way than stealing it! Likewise, if she intended something evil with it-- desecration, or some sort of satanic ritual, she still BELIEVES that that Host is the body and blood of Our Lord. All that did was confirm for me that the Lord really IS in the Eucharist, because what benefit would the demonic cause be served in her taking it, either way, if that was not truly Our Lord up there?
It was all so sudden and before I knew it it was time to listen to bulletin announcements, so I have not had time to process the event yet.
Certainly, I want to know now what the protocol is for lay persons who witness such a thing. But also, I want to contemplate the spiritual reality at work in the mass, in particular when the faithful receive communion, and to ask the Lord to show me why He allowed me to witness such a devastating scene.
First, today was the first day I brought my 1962 Baronius press (LOVE those guys) missal and it really, really did make my experience more meaningful.
I was a bit edgy about doing this because I normally use the Daily Roman Missal and I was concerned I would not be able to follow along.
To make it easier, I had gone through and highlighted the portions of the Latin Mass that have been retained in the Novus Ordo, and so I followed along just fine, but in between, and in the silences, I was able to deepen my experience by praying along with the Tridentine Rite-- those beautiful, deep, theologically rich prayers.
Likewise today was the Feast of the Conversion of St Paul--- a man who I see my own life reflected in time and time again. Reflecting on my own conversion in light of his was an absolutely amazing exercise.
Because of all these things, my experience today at mass was very rich, despite the fact that had I not brought this missal I would have spent most of the mass rather peeved that they have ONCE AGAIN changed the melody of the Agnes Dei and the Gloria to this happy clappy campy garbage that reminds me of mariachi bands. Honestly.
Undeterred and determined to meet the Lord at the altar despite these frustrations, I received communion in peace and experienced amazing consolation as the Lord made His home in my body.
Normally, after communion, Peter and I kneel even though most people stand, and we pray with our heads in our hands.... we do this, we have discussed, because it is such an intimate moment for us. YES it is a communal action, but we don't feel like we need to stand and sing with the community just to say that-- we have received the Lord, who IS our communion, and so we stop to enjoy the private, personal ways in which he speaks to us at that moment... in the silence.
We don't feel the need for the additional "community" fellowship because the PERFECT sign of community fellowship has just been given-- we have all received the SAME Lord. Forgive the tangent, haha.
ANYWAYS... Sometimes I like to look up at the big crucifix there and to stare into Jesus' eyes and talk to Him from my heart that way. Which is what I was doing, when out of the corner of my eyes I caught a strange movement that caught my attention.
A woman was receiving communion from our Parish priest, only she was behaving bizarrely. Rather than cup her hands like most people who receive in the hand she simply took the host from the priest's hand. Which was odd, to say the least--- my impression that she wasn't so much "receiving communion" as she was "taking it." Right at that moment, I felt my stomach tighten and became accutely aware of the presence of some dark evil. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up... and on the backs of my hands, in the same way they do when I am praying for someone's deliverance or aware of a spirit in my vicinity.
I concentrated intensely to see what would happen next. All I can say is that the Holy Spirit must have WANTED me specifically to see this-- because no one to my right or to my left had noticed.
This same woman who had received so bizarrely actually PRETENDED to put the host in her mouth, all the while slipping it into the folds of her fingers and carefully hiding it from sight. She was beside a man with a somewhat withered arm, and he moved into my view (purposely?) which blocked me from seeing what she did next with the host. It appeared to me that she might have been passing it to him, but since they were in the line to receive the Sacred Blood of Our Lord I tried to assume the best and ignore the sick feeling I was getting from watching this scene unfold. All of a sudden, they both turned without receiving the bloood and started to head back up the aisle. The host was no longer anywhere to be seen. I was panicked---- had she swallowed it? If not, where was this woman taking my precious Lord? I didn't know the correct protocol to stop her, and having just had a rather ... interesting altercation with the presiding priest the previous day in which I was afraid he thought I was some sort of psycho traddie, I was terrified to say something to him either... In my frustration, the Holy Spirit breathed peace over me and reminded me of what I do daily.... "You're a spiritual warrior and a carmelite," he said. "So you must pray. This is the only thing that matters." I began to pray and as I did the woman's feet hit the first row of pews from the front. A man sitting on the very end of the pew, to my amazement, grabbed her by the wrist and gave her a pointed look. She rolled her eyes and put the host, which she had hidden from sight in the crease between her fingers, in her mouth. she hurried away down the aisle out of my line of sight.
All of this happened in the space of a few seconds. As far as I could tell only myself and this man had witnessed the scene unfold. And I wept, and wept and wept, inconsolably. I felt like Mary Magdalen asking "Where have they taken my Lord?" Something in me told me that this woman did this habitually, that this was not her first time ,and I got a strong sense that she was using these hosts for some sort of ritual in her home, although, obviously that is not verifiable at this time. Meanwhile, I was just so emotional about it the whole thing, I was a total wreck.
I often feel that the Lord allows me to see evil so strongly and so vibrantly because it solidifies in me a sense of healthy fear and dependence on Him alone-- it gives me the sense that these things He is doing in me, in my life and in my ministry are REAL, and thus that my sanity has not been compromised by my faith and my faith has not been compromised by my sanity. Just this morning I had been discussing in the Myspaz R&P the "realness" of the Flesh and Blood of Our Lord in the Eucharist vs the "symbolicness" of it according to protestant theology. If the Eucharist is not what the Catholic Church teaches that it is, then what would this woman want with it? Why would she steal it? Certainly, she could have wanted it to give to someone else, but if she believed that there was a good in the eucharist that she could give to a sick person or person in need so that Our Eucharistic Lord can heal them, then she knows also that communion is available to those who ask for it and that she could have gotten it a different way than stealing it! Likewise, if she intended something evil with it-- desecration, or some sort of satanic ritual, she still BELIEVES that that Host is the body and blood of Our Lord. All that did was confirm for me that the Lord really IS in the Eucharist, because what benefit would the demonic cause be served in her taking it, either way, if that was not truly Our Lord up there?
It was all so sudden and before I knew it it was time to listen to bulletin announcements, so I have not had time to process the event yet.
Certainly, I want to know now what the protocol is for lay persons who witness such a thing. But also, I want to contemplate the spiritual reality at work in the mass, in particular when the faithful receive communion, and to ask the Lord to show me why He allowed me to witness such a devastating scene.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Some things that make me wierd.
I'm on my way out the door and I'm in a terrible mood, so here's a nice inflammatory post. Hopefully you guys will have a field day and we can talk about it when I get home tomorrow. So, without further ado, I give you:
"things that make me wierd."
In the area of women's "rights":
I hate feminism.
I don't think the word "submit" is a dirty word... and I don't think it has to do with sex.
The contraceptive mentality makes me nauseaous. Yes, I believe that contraception is wrong.
I am opposed to abortion under any circumstance.
I do not think women should be in the military, should be firefighters or police officers or anything where the physical requirements have to be changed in order for women to do the job.
I do not believe women with children should work outside the home (But i'm ALL for them working INSIDE the home)
I do not think that encouraging "me time" helps out moms.
I believe that women should cover their heads in church.
I believe that rape is not about power.
I believe that women have completely forgotten how to be ladies.
I believe that men have become women in our society. It makes me want to puke.
In the area of politics:
I am opposed to gay marriage, to gays being "out" and to gayness being discussed in the media and home entertainment.
I am vehemently pro-life, from conception until natural death-- meaning I'm against the death penalty, against euthanasia, and against abortion. It also means I'm against birth control.
I don't believe in global warming.
I don't believe in overpopulation.
I don't believe in political correctness, and in fact, think it is a total impediment to freedom and democracy.
I do not believe that our health care system is fair or accurate.
I do not believe that our social services as they are now should exist.
I believe our government is rapidly turning fascist and creepy and controlling.
I believe that public schools-- and many private schools-- are evil.
I believe that the government and all our political systems have a liberal agenda.
I believe that America is rapidly losing God's favor.
I believe that war is sometimes necessary.
I am convinced that pornography, alongside abortion, is the single greatest evil of our time.
I believe that liberalism was invented by Satan, for it stands for nothing good.
In the area of religion:
I fully support the pope.
I believe that my Parish's RCIA program makes baby Jesus cry.
I believe the Latin Mass to be superior to the Novus Ordo-- but I do NOT believe in any WAY shape or form that the NO is invalid. (how's THAT for complicated?)
I believe that all believing, thinking, Scripture loving protestant apologists are destined to become Catholic.
I believe that Mary is the mother of God and I love reminding protestants that they do too and just don't know it.
I believe one can be traditionalist AND charismatic. Hehe.
I believe discalced carmelites have found the surest and most beautiful path to holiness.
I believe the WHOLE bible.
I believe that Catholicism is 100 percent scriptural.
I believe that Satan is a very good liar and has half of christendom fooled.
I believe that it's ok to laugh at mormon doctrine.
I believe that marshal arts, dabbling in the occult, and participation in other religions can lead to demonic infestation, opression, and possession.
I beleive that ghosts tend to be demonic manifestations and are smarter than we think they are.
Other wierd facts about me:
I believe in demons and I see them frequently. Thus, I want the world to be saved.
I do not think the sixties was "the glory years." I think the sixties was probably the time when Satan was actually cast down to earth. And I'm only slightly kidding.
I cannot stand when people mispronounce "nuclear." it literally makes my skin crawl.
I like to study heresies and find connections between them.
I can't stand hippies.
I have no qualms about saying these wierd things about myself.
That ought to be enough for now.
"things that make me wierd."
In the area of women's "rights":
I hate feminism.
I don't think the word "submit" is a dirty word... and I don't think it has to do with sex.
The contraceptive mentality makes me nauseaous. Yes, I believe that contraception is wrong.
I am opposed to abortion under any circumstance.
I do not think women should be in the military, should be firefighters or police officers or anything where the physical requirements have to be changed in order for women to do the job.
I do not believe women with children should work outside the home (But i'm ALL for them working INSIDE the home)
I do not think that encouraging "me time" helps out moms.
I believe that women should cover their heads in church.
I believe that rape is not about power.
I believe that women have completely forgotten how to be ladies.
I believe that men have become women in our society. It makes me want to puke.
In the area of politics:
I am opposed to gay marriage, to gays being "out" and to gayness being discussed in the media and home entertainment.
I am vehemently pro-life, from conception until natural death-- meaning I'm against the death penalty, against euthanasia, and against abortion. It also means I'm against birth control.
I don't believe in global warming.
I don't believe in overpopulation.
I don't believe in political correctness, and in fact, think it is a total impediment to freedom and democracy.
I do not believe that our health care system is fair or accurate.
I do not believe that our social services as they are now should exist.
I believe our government is rapidly turning fascist and creepy and controlling.
I believe that public schools-- and many private schools-- are evil.
I believe that the government and all our political systems have a liberal agenda.
I believe that America is rapidly losing God's favor.
I believe that war is sometimes necessary.
I am convinced that pornography, alongside abortion, is the single greatest evil of our time.
I believe that liberalism was invented by Satan, for it stands for nothing good.
In the area of religion:
I fully support the pope.
I believe that my Parish's RCIA program makes baby Jesus cry.
I believe the Latin Mass to be superior to the Novus Ordo-- but I do NOT believe in any WAY shape or form that the NO is invalid. (how's THAT for complicated?)
I believe that all believing, thinking, Scripture loving protestant apologists are destined to become Catholic.
I believe that Mary is the mother of God and I love reminding protestants that they do too and just don't know it.
I believe one can be traditionalist AND charismatic. Hehe.
I believe discalced carmelites have found the surest and most beautiful path to holiness.
I believe the WHOLE bible.
I believe that Catholicism is 100 percent scriptural.
I believe that Satan is a very good liar and has half of christendom fooled.
I believe that it's ok to laugh at mormon doctrine.
I believe that marshal arts, dabbling in the occult, and participation in other religions can lead to demonic infestation, opression, and possession.
I beleive that ghosts tend to be demonic manifestations and are smarter than we think they are.
Other wierd facts about me:
I believe in demons and I see them frequently. Thus, I want the world to be saved.
I do not think the sixties was "the glory years." I think the sixties was probably the time when Satan was actually cast down to earth. And I'm only slightly kidding.
I cannot stand when people mispronounce "nuclear." it literally makes my skin crawl.
I like to study heresies and find connections between them.
I can't stand hippies.
I have no qualms about saying these wierd things about myself.
That ought to be enough for now.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Reason number 53469548645979857298342937543 to be a Catholic
People might ask, why look to the early Christians and see what they were doing?
We have to look to the first recorded Christians, historically, and see what they said, because we believe the Bible, and the Bible says:
John 21:25 There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.
2 Thessalonians Therefore, brothers, stand firm and hold fast to the traditions that you were taught, either by an oral statement or by a letter of ours.
Most protestant Christians, when asked what the pillar and foundation of the truth would be, will answer: the Bible!
And yet the bible itself, in 1 timothy 3:15 says that the CHURCH is the pillar and foundation of the truth!
It is because of the CHURCH that we have the BIBLE. We do not have the Church because of the Bible, but rather the Bible because of the Church. The Word of God, entrusted to the Church, stands forever, and since scripture says that the gates of hell will NOT prevail against the CHURCH, we know that all truth is preserved in the Church.
Again, scripture emphasizes this:
Matthew 28:18-20: And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”
Matthew 16:18: “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death (gates of hell) shall not prevail against it.”
OK, so we've established that it's important to know NOT only Scripture, but also the oral traditions that have been passed on from authority to authority. These can be found in a church. But what church?
What are the marks of the True Church?
Let's start with authority. What is an apostle? What is a spiritual authority? Nondenominational/evangelical Christianity would have you think that it means that anyone on whom the Spirit of the Lord appeared to rest could be put in a place of authority. In theory, that sounds good. But in practice-- impossible. For to be an apostle means to be "sent out" and in fact "by the laying on of hands" in order to fulfill the task and mission. Clearly, the protestant tradition does not adhere to the biblical model. When we disagree, we simply schism, splinter, break off from the vine, and move on with our lives, creating new churches and new "authority" which, in fact, is not backed by the spiritual power that exists in TRUE authority.
The Catholic Church (and other Orthodox Christian traditions which the Catholic Church is in communion with--- ie. Greek Orthodox, etc)is the only "community" or "church" which can back up it's claim to that apostolic authority accurately through history: From the time of Peter, who was declared first among the apostles, to the present pope Benedict XVI, we can literally trace the apostolic authority as it was handed down. Now THAT is a claim to authority. And that, as we know, is the mark of a true Church.
Moving on, we look for other marks of a true Church. You mentioned historical accuracy in your blog. Let's look at that for a moment.
How exactly DID the earliest Christians worship? And what church persists in protecting and providing this form of worship? We know many things from looking at the Founding Fathers of the faith. We have these things to look at-- and one of them is that the Eucharist was, for them, the central focus of Christian worship:
(I've pulled the following quotes from a website found here,http://www.catholicfaithandreason.org/fathersoneucharist.htm) but they are readily available in any library.)
One of the earliest Christian documents is the Didache, known as the Teaching of the Twelve Apostles, which probably dates from the 1st century. Sections 9 and 10 deal with the Eucharist [Gk. Eucharistias] and prayers of thanks which allude to the Mass. It contains this warning, "... let noone eat or drink of this Eucharist unless he has been baptized in the name of the Lord [a shorthand way of alluding to the Trinity]; for concerning this the Lord also said: ‘Do not give to the dogs what is holy.’" Perhaps alluding to St. Paul’s epistle to the Corinthians, in part 14 it notes: "And on the Lord’s day, gather together and break bread and give thanks, first confessing your sins so that your sacrifice might be pure. This is clearly an illusion to the prophecy of Malachi (Mal 1:11), which our next Father also addresses.
St. Clement of Rome was the third successor of Peter the Apostle as bishop of Rome, our fourth Pope. St. Irenaeus (Book III, iii) tells us that Clement "saw the blessed Apostles and conversed with them, and had yet ringing in his ears the preaching of the Apostles and had their tradition before his eyes, and not he only for many were then surviving who had been taught by the Apostles. " Similarly Epiphanius tells us that Clement was a contemporary of Peter and Paul. There is a tradition that he was ordained by St. Peter and acted as a kind of auxiliary bishop to Linus and Anacletus, his predecessors in the papal chair. His letter to the Corinthians was written between 70-96 A.D. in an effort to restore peace to the Church at Corinith, Greece, which has broken into factions and was intent upon firing some of their presbyters. The epistle, which is written in Greek, is important because of the distinction it makes between leaders of the community and the faithful. Clement refers to the leaders as presbyters or bishops, without making any further distinction, referring specifically to their ministry as the "offering of gifts." He says, "Our sin will not be light if we expel those who worthily and blamelessly have offered the gifts of the episcopacy." This is clearly liturgical language in light of Mt 5:23 and Lv.1: 2 and Lv 7:38, referring in this instance to the Eucharistic sacrifice offered by priests in the Mass.
St. Ignatius of Antioch was a pagan by birth and a Syrian. He became the third bishop of Antioch and may be considered an apostolic Father in the sense that he heard the Apostle John preach. About 110 A.D. he was sentenced to a martyr's death in the arena by the Emperor Trajan, who also put Pope Clement to death. On the almost 1000 mile journey to Rome from Antioch, Syria, the third largest city of the Empire, Ignatius wrote seven letters, which are his only surviving letters. They are addressed to Christian communities he presided over as bishop. He speaks of the Eucharistic mystery in mystical terms saying, "Therefore arm yourselves with gentleness, renew yourselves in faith, which is the Flesh of the Lord, and in charity, which is the Blood of Jesus Christ." His most famous passage says:
I am God’s grain, and I am being ground by the teeth of wild beasts in order that I may be found [to be] pure bread for Christ. My love has been crucified, and there is in me no fire of material love, but rather a living water, speaking in me and saying within me, ‘Come to the Father.’ I take no pleasure in corruptible food or in the delights of this life. I want the bread of God, which is the flesh of Jesus Christ, who is the seed of David; and for drink I want his Blood which is incorruptible love.
His reference to "bread of God" is an allusion to John 6: 33, where Jesus says, "It is not Moses who has given you bread from heaven [manna], but it is my Father who gives you the Bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." The Eucharist was a model for the Christ centered approach of Ignatius since he sees the it as an example of the "undying love of Christ as he feeds us with his Flesh and Blood." There is no mistaking his tone in his letter to the Church at Smyrna as he speaks of the Gnostics who had a disdain for material reality:
Charity is no concern to them, nor are widows and orphans or the oppressed . . .They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they do not confess that the Eucharist is the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, which suffered for our sins and which, in his goodness, the Father raised . . .
Like St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 10: 17, he saw the Eucharistic Body of our Lord as the unifying force in the Church. He
wrote the Philadelphians:
Be careful to observe [only] one Eucharist; for there is only one Flesh of our Lord Jesus Christ and one cup of union with his Blood, one altar of sacrifice, as [there is] one bishop with the presbyters and my fellow-servants the deacons.
Another unforgettable reference is when he urges Christians to assemble in common and obey the bishop, "breaking one bread that is the medicine of immortality and the antidote against dying that offers life for all in Jesus Christ." These beautiful words sum up Jesus’ own teaching in John 6 and St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 11. Notice also that he refers to the Eucharist as a sacrifice as did the authors of the Didache. Eucharistic theology seems almost complete in St. Ignatius.
St. Justin Martyr who also gave his life for Christ, as his name implies. His Apologies are considered the most important of the 2d century Christian writings of the Fathers of the Early Church. It is difficult not to identify his testimony with an early version of the Catholic Mass, the president or presider being a priest [presbyteros being the Greek root for our English word priest] as he speaks of the Eucharist about 155 A.D.:
For we do not receive these as common bread and common drink; but just as Jesus Christ our Savior, having been made flesh by the word of God, had both flesh and blood for our salvation, so also we have learned that the food over which thanks has been given by the prayer of the word which comes from him, [see 1 Cor 11: 23-26; Lk 22; 19] and by which are blood and flesh are nourished through a change, is the Flesh and Blood of the same incarnate Jesus.
Now, I could probably go on forever, but I think you get the idea. My point is that to the earliest Christians, the Eucharist was the source and summit of their worship together--- sound like any Christians you know today? That's right, folks, the Catholic Church is the only Church which not only has the authority and thus the ability to provide the eucharist but also has the tradition and doctrine to back it up.
What are the other marks of the True Church?
How about unity? Every single day, day in and day out, Catholics can (and have, historically, since the time of Jesus's resurrection) been able to attend the mass-- where they find an identical liturgy. In other words, I can go to a mass in Japan, in India, and in Afghanistan on the same day and have the exact same experience! Now THAT is unity.
Likewise, although there is a HUGE and WIDE variety of "styles" and "types" of Catholics, all of us agree on the same doctrinal principles and stand behind the same Holy Father, the Vicar of Christ on earth. It is an awe-inspiring thing to encounter the reality of that fact, and I encourage anyone who hasn't to explore the depth of world-wide unity that exists among followers of Pope Benedict XVI, like we have had with all of his predecessors. It would be equally good to study the vats differences between Catholics as well--- the extraordinary "uniqueness" of the directions that the Holy Spirit has moved us all WITHIN THE BOUNDS of that perfect unity. Therefore in the Church's ONEness, and unity, can be found a mark of the True Church.
"The chief attributes of the Catholic Church are authority, infallibility, and indefectibility. They are called attributes because they are qualities perfecting the nature of the Church. " (EWTN's MARKS OF THE TRUE CHURCH)
This means that in these three things which are essentials of the "True Church," we find that the Catholic Church contains them all. It is authoritative (And the ONLY church which can claim that authority.) It is infallible (And is the only church which has the authority to claim that infallibility) and it is Indefectable (and is the only Church that can prove to be so.)
For more information on the marks of the True Church as it relates to Catholicism, please enjoy this link:
http://www.ewtn.com/faith/Teachings/chura2a.htm
We have to look to the first recorded Christians, historically, and see what they said, because we believe the Bible, and the Bible says:
John 21:25 There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.
2 Thessalonians Therefore, brothers, stand firm and hold fast to the traditions that you were taught, either by an oral statement or by a letter of ours.
Most protestant Christians, when asked what the pillar and foundation of the truth would be, will answer: the Bible!
And yet the bible itself, in 1 timothy 3:15 says that the CHURCH is the pillar and foundation of the truth!
It is because of the CHURCH that we have the BIBLE. We do not have the Church because of the Bible, but rather the Bible because of the Church. The Word of God, entrusted to the Church, stands forever, and since scripture says that the gates of hell will NOT prevail against the CHURCH, we know that all truth is preserved in the Church.
Again, scripture emphasizes this:
Matthew 28:18-20: And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”
Matthew 16:18: “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death (gates of hell) shall not prevail against it.”
OK, so we've established that it's important to know NOT only Scripture, but also the oral traditions that have been passed on from authority to authority. These can be found in a church. But what church?
What are the marks of the True Church?
Let's start with authority. What is an apostle? What is a spiritual authority? Nondenominational/evangelical Christianity would have you think that it means that anyone on whom the Spirit of the Lord appeared to rest could be put in a place of authority. In theory, that sounds good. But in practice-- impossible. For to be an apostle means to be "sent out" and in fact "by the laying on of hands" in order to fulfill the task and mission. Clearly, the protestant tradition does not adhere to the biblical model. When we disagree, we simply schism, splinter, break off from the vine, and move on with our lives, creating new churches and new "authority" which, in fact, is not backed by the spiritual power that exists in TRUE authority.
The Catholic Church (and other Orthodox Christian traditions which the Catholic Church is in communion with--- ie. Greek Orthodox, etc)is the only "community" or "church" which can back up it's claim to that apostolic authority accurately through history: From the time of Peter, who was declared first among the apostles, to the present pope Benedict XVI, we can literally trace the apostolic authority as it was handed down. Now THAT is a claim to authority. And that, as we know, is the mark of a true Church.
Moving on, we look for other marks of a true Church. You mentioned historical accuracy in your blog. Let's look at that for a moment.
How exactly DID the earliest Christians worship? And what church persists in protecting and providing this form of worship? We know many things from looking at the Founding Fathers of the faith. We have these things to look at-- and one of them is that the Eucharist was, for them, the central focus of Christian worship:
(I've pulled the following quotes from a website found here,http://www.catholicfaithandreason.org/fathersoneucharist.htm) but they are readily available in any library.)
One of the earliest Christian documents is the Didache, known as the Teaching of the Twelve Apostles, which probably dates from the 1st century. Sections 9 and 10 deal with the Eucharist [Gk. Eucharistias] and prayers of thanks which allude to the Mass. It contains this warning, "... let noone eat or drink of this Eucharist unless he has been baptized in the name of the Lord [a shorthand way of alluding to the Trinity]; for concerning this the Lord also said: ‘Do not give to the dogs what is holy.’" Perhaps alluding to St. Paul’s epistle to the Corinthians, in part 14 it notes: "And on the Lord’s day, gather together and break bread and give thanks, first confessing your sins so that your sacrifice might be pure. This is clearly an illusion to the prophecy of Malachi (Mal 1:11), which our next Father also addresses.
St. Clement of Rome was the third successor of Peter the Apostle as bishop of Rome, our fourth Pope. St. Irenaeus (Book III, iii) tells us that Clement "saw the blessed Apostles and conversed with them, and had yet ringing in his ears the preaching of the Apostles and had their tradition before his eyes, and not he only for many were then surviving who had been taught by the Apostles. " Similarly Epiphanius tells us that Clement was a contemporary of Peter and Paul. There is a tradition that he was ordained by St. Peter and acted as a kind of auxiliary bishop to Linus and Anacletus, his predecessors in the papal chair. His letter to the Corinthians was written between 70-96 A.D. in an effort to restore peace to the Church at Corinith, Greece, which has broken into factions and was intent upon firing some of their presbyters. The epistle, which is written in Greek, is important because of the distinction it makes between leaders of the community and the faithful. Clement refers to the leaders as presbyters or bishops, without making any further distinction, referring specifically to their ministry as the "offering of gifts." He says, "Our sin will not be light if we expel those who worthily and blamelessly have offered the gifts of the episcopacy." This is clearly liturgical language in light of Mt 5:23 and Lv.1: 2 and Lv 7:38, referring in this instance to the Eucharistic sacrifice offered by priests in the Mass.
St. Ignatius of Antioch was a pagan by birth and a Syrian. He became the third bishop of Antioch and may be considered an apostolic Father in the sense that he heard the Apostle John preach. About 110 A.D. he was sentenced to a martyr's death in the arena by the Emperor Trajan, who also put Pope Clement to death. On the almost 1000 mile journey to Rome from Antioch, Syria, the third largest city of the Empire, Ignatius wrote seven letters, which are his only surviving letters. They are addressed to Christian communities he presided over as bishop. He speaks of the Eucharistic mystery in mystical terms saying, "Therefore arm yourselves with gentleness, renew yourselves in faith, which is the Flesh of the Lord, and in charity, which is the Blood of Jesus Christ." His most famous passage says:
I am God’s grain, and I am being ground by the teeth of wild beasts in order that I may be found [to be] pure bread for Christ. My love has been crucified, and there is in me no fire of material love, but rather a living water, speaking in me and saying within me, ‘Come to the Father.’ I take no pleasure in corruptible food or in the delights of this life. I want the bread of God, which is the flesh of Jesus Christ, who is the seed of David; and for drink I want his Blood which is incorruptible love.
His reference to "bread of God" is an allusion to John 6: 33, where Jesus says, "It is not Moses who has given you bread from heaven [manna], but it is my Father who gives you the Bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." The Eucharist was a model for the Christ centered approach of Ignatius since he sees the it as an example of the "undying love of Christ as he feeds us with his Flesh and Blood." There is no mistaking his tone in his letter to the Church at Smyrna as he speaks of the Gnostics who had a disdain for material reality:
Charity is no concern to them, nor are widows and orphans or the oppressed . . .They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they do not confess that the Eucharist is the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, which suffered for our sins and which, in his goodness, the Father raised . . .
Like St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 10: 17, he saw the Eucharistic Body of our Lord as the unifying force in the Church. He
wrote the Philadelphians:
Be careful to observe [only] one Eucharist; for there is only one Flesh of our Lord Jesus Christ and one cup of union with his Blood, one altar of sacrifice, as [there is] one bishop with the presbyters and my fellow-servants the deacons.
Another unforgettable reference is when he urges Christians to assemble in common and obey the bishop, "breaking one bread that is the medicine of immortality and the antidote against dying that offers life for all in Jesus Christ." These beautiful words sum up Jesus’ own teaching in John 6 and St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 11. Notice also that he refers to the Eucharist as a sacrifice as did the authors of the Didache. Eucharistic theology seems almost complete in St. Ignatius.
St. Justin Martyr who also gave his life for Christ, as his name implies. His Apologies are considered the most important of the 2d century Christian writings of the Fathers of the Early Church. It is difficult not to identify his testimony with an early version of the Catholic Mass, the president or presider being a priest [presbyteros being the Greek root for our English word priest] as he speaks of the Eucharist about 155 A.D.:
For we do not receive these as common bread and common drink; but just as Jesus Christ our Savior, having been made flesh by the word of God, had both flesh and blood for our salvation, so also we have learned that the food over which thanks has been given by the prayer of the word which comes from him, [see 1 Cor 11: 23-26; Lk 22; 19] and by which are blood and flesh are nourished through a change, is the Flesh and Blood of the same incarnate Jesus.
Now, I could probably go on forever, but I think you get the idea. My point is that to the earliest Christians, the Eucharist was the source and summit of their worship together--- sound like any Christians you know today? That's right, folks, the Catholic Church is the only Church which not only has the authority and thus the ability to provide the eucharist but also has the tradition and doctrine to back it up.
What are the other marks of the True Church?
How about unity? Every single day, day in and day out, Catholics can (and have, historically, since the time of Jesus's resurrection) been able to attend the mass-- where they find an identical liturgy. In other words, I can go to a mass in Japan, in India, and in Afghanistan on the same day and have the exact same experience! Now THAT is unity.
Likewise, although there is a HUGE and WIDE variety of "styles" and "types" of Catholics, all of us agree on the same doctrinal principles and stand behind the same Holy Father, the Vicar of Christ on earth. It is an awe-inspiring thing to encounter the reality of that fact, and I encourage anyone who hasn't to explore the depth of world-wide unity that exists among followers of Pope Benedict XVI, like we have had with all of his predecessors. It would be equally good to study the vats differences between Catholics as well--- the extraordinary "uniqueness" of the directions that the Holy Spirit has moved us all WITHIN THE BOUNDS of that perfect unity. Therefore in the Church's ONEness, and unity, can be found a mark of the True Church.
"The chief attributes of the Catholic Church are authority, infallibility, and indefectibility. They are called attributes because they are qualities perfecting the nature of the Church. " (EWTN's MARKS OF THE TRUE CHURCH)
This means that in these three things which are essentials of the "True Church," we find that the Catholic Church contains them all. It is authoritative (And the ONLY church which can claim that authority.) It is infallible (And is the only church which has the authority to claim that infallibility) and it is Indefectable (and is the only Church that can prove to be so.)
For more information on the marks of the True Church as it relates to Catholicism, please enjoy this link:
http://www.ewtn.com/faith/Teachings/chura2a.htm
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Comfort
I love it when God speaks to my heart...especially in scripture.
I woke up this morning to a winter wonderland outside my window-- just miles upon miles of snow covered ground. Everything looks magical and amazing and hopeful under the snow. And yet-- today is a dark day for America.
Feeling a little blue about the inauguration, I thought, well, I'll just bring it to the Lord, got out my prayer book, and started to pray the Liturgy of the Hours.
This morning, my jaw dropped.
The first psalm (Psalm 43) we read was this:
Antiphon: Lord, send forth your light and your truth.
Defend me, O God, and plead my cause against a godless nation. From deceitful and cunning men, rescue me, O God.
Since you, O God, are my stronghold why have you rejected me? Why do I go mourning oppressed by the foe?
O send forth your light and your truth; let these be my guide. Let them bring me to your holy mountain to the place where you dwell.
And I will come to the altar of God, the God of my joy. My redeemer, I will thank you on the harp, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, my savior and my God.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.
I love His presence.
I woke up this morning to a winter wonderland outside my window-- just miles upon miles of snow covered ground. Everything looks magical and amazing and hopeful under the snow. And yet-- today is a dark day for America.
Feeling a little blue about the inauguration, I thought, well, I'll just bring it to the Lord, got out my prayer book, and started to pray the Liturgy of the Hours.
This morning, my jaw dropped.
The first psalm (Psalm 43) we read was this:
Antiphon: Lord, send forth your light and your truth.
Defend me, O God, and plead my cause against a godless nation. From deceitful and cunning men, rescue me, O God.
Since you, O God, are my stronghold why have you rejected me? Why do I go mourning oppressed by the foe?
O send forth your light and your truth; let these be my guide. Let them bring me to your holy mountain to the place where you dwell.
And I will come to the altar of God, the God of my joy. My redeemer, I will thank you on the harp, O God, my God.
Why are you cast down, my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, my savior and my God.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.
I love His presence.
Monday, January 19, 2009
On the question of life
On the question of life.
I've been thinking a lot about this issue of life after yesterday, when I posted an article about Krispy Kreme Donuts making a “freedom of choice” donut, and people went ballistic (including myself, in the end.)
The Freedom of Choice Act is no laughing matter.
Put into play by Senator Barbara Boxer, a woman who it has been my personal displeasure to interview several times and an advocate of every type and style of immorality imagineable, the big story is that Obama intends to sign the Act as his “very first thing” in office.
Hmmm.
This particular act, above all others that have been presented so far, is an absolute nightmare for persons who support the right to life.
Why? Because it does four big things:
First, it allows minors to receive abortions without parental consent if necessary.
Second, it prevents people from hearing options other than abortions--- it basically begins the process of removing people who might intercept the abortion idea by throwing out some possibilities that include letting the baby live.
Third, it overrides any state laws which we have fought LONG and hard for that promote life.
Fourth, it forces doctors to become abortion providers EVEN IF THEY DISAGREE With the procedure on moral grounds! It also forces private hospitals to provide abortions, likewise, if they disagree with abortion on moral grounds and yet receive aid from the government! Crazy.
Thus, the passing of this act would be a plague to our nation and do NOTHING to promote LIFE--- all it does it promote abortion and make abortions easier to acquire.
But this blog isn't about the FOCA.
It's about what it means to be pro-life.
As my best friend pointed out the other day, many Christians (and most of the vocal variety) are pro-life when it comes to babies, but pro-death when it comes to things like the death penalty. Which is inconsistent, and I'll get to that later.
More importantly, and more devastatingly, I think, I frequently come across persons who call themselves pro-life and yet act as if they are pro-abortion.
For instance, people who say they are “pro-life” for themselves but wouldn't want to
“prevent” another person from making the choice themselves. Thus, they vote pro-choice.
Or they vote pro-life, but verbally praise, support, or advocate pro-choice candidates or projects. Publically.
The problem with this goes far beyond the fact that it is an inconsistency and a lack of willingness to actually take a stand for what they believe in. The problem is that this is occurring because the person has not recognized that abortion is, indeed, an atrocity. Rather, it is something they choose not to do or endorse based on an idea that they, you know, can't deny that the bible says it's wrong, or maybe just feel that personally it's not something they can do (or go through again.)
These are the people I want to address in this blog because I am devastated when I encounter this kind of wishy washy pro-lifeyness. Jesus Himself said that “because you are lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
I'll spare you the details of what occurs during an abortion, because we've all seen the pictures and read the horror stories. If you haven't, you need to.
Quite honestly, I personally believe you should see the photos of late term abortions first, because it is so easy to “Talk” about without picturing what we are really talking about.
You can see those here: http://www.priestsforlife.org/resources/photosassorted/index.htm
First and second trimester abortions can be seen here: http://www.priestsforlife.org/resources/monica/monica/Photographsofabortedbabiesatvariousstagesretrievedfromdumpsters/footof16weekabortedbaby.html
I will also spare you the bible quotes. We've all heard it-- He knit us together in our mother's womb, He knows the plans He has for us, He brought us to life, etc etc.
What I WILL say, however, is this:
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)
Why are you pro-life?
What is it about the issue that makes you pro-life? Do you do it because someone you respect SAYS you should do it? (your parents, your church, your husband, your God?) What about the issue do you not yet understand? Why are you not HORRIFIED when you think of those beautiful, tiny, precious, helpless little souls being butchered, sucked out, annihilated, obliterated, cut...murdered? What will it take to get your heart into the issue and not just your head? Will it take meditating on the pictures I've posted above every day? Will it take sitting in on one yourself? Will it take you being introduced to someone like the deacon at our church? He was an aborted baby.
He somehow survived and the nurse who was present, a Catholic, was asked to take him (“it”) somewhere to die. She baptized him, secretly, and stayed with him, giving him an opportunity to live. The result of the abortion procedure left him extremely fragile. Every single day of his life is a mystery, because he never knows if each breath is his last. And yet, He loves God, and He encourages others. He should not, by any right, be standing with us each day. And yet, He lives. Is He thankful? You better believe it. Bad health and all.
I think about the violence that an abortion does not only to a baby we are here to protect and nurture, but to a mother as well.
Those of us who practice NFP (natural family planning) notice a certain amount of consistency in the way our bodies are created. We know that we want sex most when we are ovulating, and thus fertile. We know that as we learn our fertility cycle and how to recognize the signs, we are changed. We become closer to our husbands. We become more aware of the mystery and beauty that constitutes “life.” Most importantly, we become more aware of our sexual functionality.
Being pro-life does NOT start with being anti-abortion. Being pro-life begins with a proper understanding of our very dignity as human beings-- with the purpose of sex and of our reproductive ability.
“be fruitful, and multiply,” Scripture tells us, and yet in this fallen world, we wonder... “how can we afford that??”
“Children are a blessing,” Scripture tells us, and yet in this world of double income homes and daycares, daytimers and drive throughs, where teenagers are a threat to our own lives, we ask ourselves... “Really?”
It doesn't take much to begin to see the big picture.
I'll summarize:
God created us in His image.
He created us to MARRY US.
He created us to LOVE in the same way He loves in perfect unity with the Son and the Spirit.
Sex has both a procreative function and a unity function. Neither can be ignored. Thus, just as the orgasm is a “fingerprint” that allows us to see what life in perfect union with God will be like, the experience of childbearing is, also, a “fingerprint” that shows us something profound about life with God.
An openness to life, in it's fundamental state, means to be willing to accept whatever life God may bring our way with joy. Personally (And the whole of the Catholic Church's teachings on the matter agree with me here) I believe that begins with trusting God. Am I saying we should all have families that look like the Duggars? No, I am not. (although personally, I'd be stoked!)
I am saying that IF life should come our way, we should welcome it, and that we should do NOTHING to prevent the possibility of life conceiving.... nothing at all, because if it happens, it's a blessed miracle each and every time.
We live now in a world where the contraceptive mentality is prevalent.
We want food without the calories. We want sex without the babies. We want the stuff on credit. We want, we want, we want. We want what WE consider a benefit without allowing for the possibility that our CREATOR, the one who made us, might know better than us what IS and what ISNT a blessing.
When we practice NFP (which should really only be done if the circumstances are DIRE and grave to cause you to HAVE to choose to “hold off” on allowing life a chance) we notice that every passing period because a small time of grieving. We experience our fertility, month in and month out, aware, watching the seasons of our life pass and being made more and more aware of just how inherently WRONG what we are doing is!
Those of us who practice NFP and have HAD a baby see our periods as a little time to mourn. Another month went by, and my egg went unused. I think about the life that could have been. In many ways, it's my openness to that possibility that makes me pro-life when it comes to abortion. I've learned to thank God for life. For the miracle of life. Allowing someone to butcher that amazing, special creation--- now THAT is tragic.
Those of us who practice NFP notice how much more we want the sex when we are fertile. It's a natural method that allows you to recognize the natural patterns of the body... everything in the married woman wants the husband when fertility peaks. We are like cats in heat. And yet, when using NFP to prevent a pregnancy, we realize that we cannot have what we want without accepting the possibility of life. And so, we long for the sex because we long for the life that comes from the love and pleasure. Like our period, it's almost a time of mourning.
True celebration of life is found in openness to life. And it is in that celebration that we find the beginnings of a reason to hate abortion and everything it stands for. Because abortion repesents death, the end of life, the breaking of the beautiful flowering FAITH that blossoms when there is a hope of life in the womb.
In our culture, the contraceptive mentality pervades even our careers and our hobbies-- we want things to be fast and not invasive. We want the ease of the internet without the inconvenience of having to talk face to face. We want to be entertained and not entertain ourselves. To me, everything about contraception screams “selfishness” because the bottom line is that you aren't willing to give ALL of yourself, only that part which you feel you can handle.
To me, we women all somehow know this inherently, naturally, without having to think about it because I guarantee that like me, you've sat in the gyno chair waiting for your pap smear year after year in a paper gown, freezing, staring at the same stinking posters-- first the ones that show you how a chart with images of STDs and facts about them. I know that like me, you've squirmed as you noticed that each little box ended with the words “More common in women.” “Can be fatal in women.” “Men not affected.” To avoid thinking on it, you avert your eyes to the other side of the wall, where you find the birth control chart.
You squint at each method, thinking “I'd probably forget to take that every day,” or “eww, I am NOT putting ANYTHING there,” or “I don't know, I'm kinda freaked out about needles.”
Then the gyno comes in, and before you know it you're out the door again, BC method in tow. Probably, if your gyno is anything like mine was, a couple extra “morning after pills” thrown in for good measure. Just in case. And why not? you think. You're an educated, smart, interesting woman. Definitely not made for being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, right? And yet EVERY instinct you had in that place was telling you that something was wrong, that your body was something more, and better, and different than what those charts were telling you it was for. But you consider the options--- being a “breeder,” or being content... and you think, no way.
Yes, I know plenty of women who say they “just can't be like that.”
They don't really enjoy their children, they don't really like being stay at home moms, and they don't really feel fulfilled when they are surrounded by two foot tall monsters.
They can relate to those women who want the choice to NOT have their kids because they've been there themselves. They can relate to those women who don't want to have their babies for fear of raising them in a bad lifestyle or not being able to give them what they deserve because they have been there themselves. And so have I! I wasn't born a homeschooling, apron-wearing, “dinner's on the table, sweetie” kind of person. I allowed God to mold me into that person. I took steps to ensure that I was working towards being a woman who heard and listened to God's voice alone.
I have never loved every step of the way, it has been painful and difficult.
But looking back ,the joy I experience from the result is unending!
If it seems impossible in your situation, look at your situation. What can you do differently? Little by little, I'm noticing how being committed to my faith means more than just homeschooling or going to daily mass or praying more. It affects every decision I make, and in my mothering, which is the most amazing and powerful evangelism, I find myself thanking God for every opportunity to remove something ungodly from my home--- for us, it's been movies to books to radio shows, clothing to toys, learning to need less and to give more-- even if it's just to each other. No one has to look like Holly Homemaker. We aren't here to be cookie cutters of one another. But it's obvious that certain things add to our holiness and our spiritual growth and other things detract. If you're a woman, think about what that means in your own life. What can you do without? What should you change? What would be a REAL sacrifice that God might be calling you to- the kind that breeds blessing?
Being pro-life starts with removing yourself from the contraceptive mentality and takes you all the way to allowing natural death, whatever that means. It's gaining a reverence for life because JESUS WAS HUMAN, FULLY HUMAN, and in our humanity and our “aliveness” from conception
until natural death mean we are given a depth of dignity that words cannot adequately express.
Meditate on these things and see if you should truly call yourself “Pro-LIFE.”
Ask yourself what pro-lifeness means, truly means, and how you can better conform to that meaning.
The Church of Christ should always be playing offense, not defense. We know the world is dark, and evil. We are the salt of the earth... therefore it is our job to preserve goodness, shining light in the dark places. We cannot sit idly by while people butcher children. We must fight with everything we've got against the darkness-- not in the form of PEOPLE, but in the form of the demonic reality that abortion represents--- using spiritual weapons: prayer, the word of God, the sacraments.
We must be willing to be molded and changed into the woman God would have us be, and not allow the so-called feminists in the sixties to tell us they know better than our CREATOR what is and isn't good for us.
Abortion isn't wrong because “God says so.”
Abortion is wrong because it deprives a person of human dignity. Abortion is wrong because it cuts short a life that represents faith, hope, and love. Abortion is wrong because it spiritually harms people, wounds us, and leaves us sick and lost and condemned. Not because “God says so,” but because we have lost faith in the one thing that matters.
How DARE abortionists celebrate Christmas?
Christ came to be with us in the form of an impossible, unwanted, and inconvenient pregnancy. Christ was among us in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The PERSON, John the Baptist, responded with Joy in the Holy Spirit while in the womb to the PERSON of Christ in the womb.
The Lord of all came to us as a baby, the most beautiful thing in all of creation: a being which brings to us Faith, Hope, and Love. No wonder Satan hates babies. No wonder Satan is hard at work destroying children as fast and as early as he can.
Our humanity is not irrelevant. It is NOT better for a baby to be born and not experience humanity-- that is a protestant nonsense that doesn't hold up theologically. Humanity is not a curse. It is a gift. And if you know that, then you could never, never, never support another person's right to abort.
Life begins with God. And in His care we place our lives.... from conception until natural death.
I've been thinking a lot about this issue of life after yesterday, when I posted an article about Krispy Kreme Donuts making a “freedom of choice” donut, and people went ballistic (including myself, in the end.)
The Freedom of Choice Act is no laughing matter.
Put into play by Senator Barbara Boxer, a woman who it has been my personal displeasure to interview several times and an advocate of every type and style of immorality imagineable, the big story is that Obama intends to sign the Act as his “very first thing” in office.
Hmmm.
This particular act, above all others that have been presented so far, is an absolute nightmare for persons who support the right to life.
Why? Because it does four big things:
First, it allows minors to receive abortions without parental consent if necessary.
Second, it prevents people from hearing options other than abortions--- it basically begins the process of removing people who might intercept the abortion idea by throwing out some possibilities that include letting the baby live.
Third, it overrides any state laws which we have fought LONG and hard for that promote life.
Fourth, it forces doctors to become abortion providers EVEN IF THEY DISAGREE With the procedure on moral grounds! It also forces private hospitals to provide abortions, likewise, if they disagree with abortion on moral grounds and yet receive aid from the government! Crazy.
Thus, the passing of this act would be a plague to our nation and do NOTHING to promote LIFE--- all it does it promote abortion and make abortions easier to acquire.
But this blog isn't about the FOCA.
It's about what it means to be pro-life.
As my best friend pointed out the other day, many Christians (and most of the vocal variety) are pro-life when it comes to babies, but pro-death when it comes to things like the death penalty. Which is inconsistent, and I'll get to that later.
More importantly, and more devastatingly, I think, I frequently come across persons who call themselves pro-life and yet act as if they are pro-abortion.
For instance, people who say they are “pro-life” for themselves but wouldn't want to
“prevent” another person from making the choice themselves. Thus, they vote pro-choice.
Or they vote pro-life, but verbally praise, support, or advocate pro-choice candidates or projects. Publically.
The problem with this goes far beyond the fact that it is an inconsistency and a lack of willingness to actually take a stand for what they believe in. The problem is that this is occurring because the person has not recognized that abortion is, indeed, an atrocity. Rather, it is something they choose not to do or endorse based on an idea that they, you know, can't deny that the bible says it's wrong, or maybe just feel that personally it's not something they can do (or go through again.)
These are the people I want to address in this blog because I am devastated when I encounter this kind of wishy washy pro-lifeyness. Jesus Himself said that “because you are lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
I'll spare you the details of what occurs during an abortion, because we've all seen the pictures and read the horror stories. If you haven't, you need to.
Quite honestly, I personally believe you should see the photos of late term abortions first, because it is so easy to “Talk” about without picturing what we are really talking about.
You can see those here: http://www.priestsforlife.org/resources/photosassorted/index.htm
First and second trimester abortions can be seen here: http://www.priestsforlife.org/resources/monica/monica/Photographsofabortedbabiesatvariousstagesretrievedfromdumpsters/footof16weekabortedbaby.html
I will also spare you the bible quotes. We've all heard it-- He knit us together in our mother's womb, He knows the plans He has for us, He brought us to life, etc etc.
What I WILL say, however, is this:
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)
Why are you pro-life?
What is it about the issue that makes you pro-life? Do you do it because someone you respect SAYS you should do it? (your parents, your church, your husband, your God?) What about the issue do you not yet understand? Why are you not HORRIFIED when you think of those beautiful, tiny, precious, helpless little souls being butchered, sucked out, annihilated, obliterated, cut...murdered? What will it take to get your heart into the issue and not just your head? Will it take meditating on the pictures I've posted above every day? Will it take sitting in on one yourself? Will it take you being introduced to someone like the deacon at our church? He was an aborted baby.
He somehow survived and the nurse who was present, a Catholic, was asked to take him (“it”) somewhere to die. She baptized him, secretly, and stayed with him, giving him an opportunity to live. The result of the abortion procedure left him extremely fragile. Every single day of his life is a mystery, because he never knows if each breath is his last. And yet, He loves God, and He encourages others. He should not, by any right, be standing with us each day. And yet, He lives. Is He thankful? You better believe it. Bad health and all.
I think about the violence that an abortion does not only to a baby we are here to protect and nurture, but to a mother as well.
Those of us who practice NFP (natural family planning) notice a certain amount of consistency in the way our bodies are created. We know that we want sex most when we are ovulating, and thus fertile. We know that as we learn our fertility cycle and how to recognize the signs, we are changed. We become closer to our husbands. We become more aware of the mystery and beauty that constitutes “life.” Most importantly, we become more aware of our sexual functionality.
Being pro-life does NOT start with being anti-abortion. Being pro-life begins with a proper understanding of our very dignity as human beings-- with the purpose of sex and of our reproductive ability.
“be fruitful, and multiply,” Scripture tells us, and yet in this fallen world, we wonder... “how can we afford that??”
“Children are a blessing,” Scripture tells us, and yet in this world of double income homes and daycares, daytimers and drive throughs, where teenagers are a threat to our own lives, we ask ourselves... “Really?”
It doesn't take much to begin to see the big picture.
I'll summarize:
God created us in His image.
He created us to MARRY US.
He created us to LOVE in the same way He loves in perfect unity with the Son and the Spirit.
Sex has both a procreative function and a unity function. Neither can be ignored. Thus, just as the orgasm is a “fingerprint” that allows us to see what life in perfect union with God will be like, the experience of childbearing is, also, a “fingerprint” that shows us something profound about life with God.
An openness to life, in it's fundamental state, means to be willing to accept whatever life God may bring our way with joy. Personally (And the whole of the Catholic Church's teachings on the matter agree with me here) I believe that begins with trusting God. Am I saying we should all have families that look like the Duggars? No, I am not. (although personally, I'd be stoked!)
I am saying that IF life should come our way, we should welcome it, and that we should do NOTHING to prevent the possibility of life conceiving.... nothing at all, because if it happens, it's a blessed miracle each and every time.
We live now in a world where the contraceptive mentality is prevalent.
We want food without the calories. We want sex without the babies. We want the stuff on credit. We want, we want, we want. We want what WE consider a benefit without allowing for the possibility that our CREATOR, the one who made us, might know better than us what IS and what ISNT a blessing.
When we practice NFP (which should really only be done if the circumstances are DIRE and grave to cause you to HAVE to choose to “hold off” on allowing life a chance) we notice that every passing period because a small time of grieving. We experience our fertility, month in and month out, aware, watching the seasons of our life pass and being made more and more aware of just how inherently WRONG what we are doing is!
Those of us who practice NFP and have HAD a baby see our periods as a little time to mourn. Another month went by, and my egg went unused. I think about the life that could have been. In many ways, it's my openness to that possibility that makes me pro-life when it comes to abortion. I've learned to thank God for life. For the miracle of life. Allowing someone to butcher that amazing, special creation--- now THAT is tragic.
Those of us who practice NFP notice how much more we want the sex when we are fertile. It's a natural method that allows you to recognize the natural patterns of the body... everything in the married woman wants the husband when fertility peaks. We are like cats in heat. And yet, when using NFP to prevent a pregnancy, we realize that we cannot have what we want without accepting the possibility of life. And so, we long for the sex because we long for the life that comes from the love and pleasure. Like our period, it's almost a time of mourning.
True celebration of life is found in openness to life. And it is in that celebration that we find the beginnings of a reason to hate abortion and everything it stands for. Because abortion repesents death, the end of life, the breaking of the beautiful flowering FAITH that blossoms when there is a hope of life in the womb.
In our culture, the contraceptive mentality pervades even our careers and our hobbies-- we want things to be fast and not invasive. We want the ease of the internet without the inconvenience of having to talk face to face. We want to be entertained and not entertain ourselves. To me, everything about contraception screams “selfishness” because the bottom line is that you aren't willing to give ALL of yourself, only that part which you feel you can handle.
To me, we women all somehow know this inherently, naturally, without having to think about it because I guarantee that like me, you've sat in the gyno chair waiting for your pap smear year after year in a paper gown, freezing, staring at the same stinking posters-- first the ones that show you how a chart with images of STDs and facts about them. I know that like me, you've squirmed as you noticed that each little box ended with the words “More common in women.” “Can be fatal in women.” “Men not affected.” To avoid thinking on it, you avert your eyes to the other side of the wall, where you find the birth control chart.
You squint at each method, thinking “I'd probably forget to take that every day,” or “eww, I am NOT putting ANYTHING there,” or “I don't know, I'm kinda freaked out about needles.”
Then the gyno comes in, and before you know it you're out the door again, BC method in tow. Probably, if your gyno is anything like mine was, a couple extra “morning after pills” thrown in for good measure. Just in case. And why not? you think. You're an educated, smart, interesting woman. Definitely not made for being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, right? And yet EVERY instinct you had in that place was telling you that something was wrong, that your body was something more, and better, and different than what those charts were telling you it was for. But you consider the options--- being a “breeder,” or being content... and you think, no way.
Yes, I know plenty of women who say they “just can't be like that.”
They don't really enjoy their children, they don't really like being stay at home moms, and they don't really feel fulfilled when they are surrounded by two foot tall monsters.
They can relate to those women who want the choice to NOT have their kids because they've been there themselves. They can relate to those women who don't want to have their babies for fear of raising them in a bad lifestyle or not being able to give them what they deserve because they have been there themselves. And so have I! I wasn't born a homeschooling, apron-wearing, “dinner's on the table, sweetie” kind of person. I allowed God to mold me into that person. I took steps to ensure that I was working towards being a woman who heard and listened to God's voice alone.
I have never loved every step of the way, it has been painful and difficult.
But looking back ,the joy I experience from the result is unending!
If it seems impossible in your situation, look at your situation. What can you do differently? Little by little, I'm noticing how being committed to my faith means more than just homeschooling or going to daily mass or praying more. It affects every decision I make, and in my mothering, which is the most amazing and powerful evangelism, I find myself thanking God for every opportunity to remove something ungodly from my home--- for us, it's been movies to books to radio shows, clothing to toys, learning to need less and to give more-- even if it's just to each other. No one has to look like Holly Homemaker. We aren't here to be cookie cutters of one another. But it's obvious that certain things add to our holiness and our spiritual growth and other things detract. If you're a woman, think about what that means in your own life. What can you do without? What should you change? What would be a REAL sacrifice that God might be calling you to- the kind that breeds blessing?
Being pro-life starts with removing yourself from the contraceptive mentality and takes you all the way to allowing natural death, whatever that means. It's gaining a reverence for life because JESUS WAS HUMAN, FULLY HUMAN, and in our humanity and our “aliveness” from conception
until natural death mean we are given a depth of dignity that words cannot adequately express.
Meditate on these things and see if you should truly call yourself “Pro-LIFE.”
Ask yourself what pro-lifeness means, truly means, and how you can better conform to that meaning.
The Church of Christ should always be playing offense, not defense. We know the world is dark, and evil. We are the salt of the earth... therefore it is our job to preserve goodness, shining light in the dark places. We cannot sit idly by while people butcher children. We must fight with everything we've got against the darkness-- not in the form of PEOPLE, but in the form of the demonic reality that abortion represents--- using spiritual weapons: prayer, the word of God, the sacraments.
We must be willing to be molded and changed into the woman God would have us be, and not allow the so-called feminists in the sixties to tell us they know better than our CREATOR what is and isn't good for us.
Abortion isn't wrong because “God says so.”
Abortion is wrong because it deprives a person of human dignity. Abortion is wrong because it cuts short a life that represents faith, hope, and love. Abortion is wrong because it spiritually harms people, wounds us, and leaves us sick and lost and condemned. Not because “God says so,” but because we have lost faith in the one thing that matters.
How DARE abortionists celebrate Christmas?
Christ came to be with us in the form of an impossible, unwanted, and inconvenient pregnancy. Christ was among us in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The PERSON, John the Baptist, responded with Joy in the Holy Spirit while in the womb to the PERSON of Christ in the womb.
The Lord of all came to us as a baby, the most beautiful thing in all of creation: a being which brings to us Faith, Hope, and Love. No wonder Satan hates babies. No wonder Satan is hard at work destroying children as fast and as early as he can.
Our humanity is not irrelevant. It is NOT better for a baby to be born and not experience humanity-- that is a protestant nonsense that doesn't hold up theologically. Humanity is not a curse. It is a gift. And if you know that, then you could never, never, never support another person's right to abort.
Life begins with God. And in His care we place our lives.... from conception until natural death.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Of shoes and clothes...
I've been giving a lot of thought to clothes. Part of this is because Peter and I, in the process of simplifying our lives, have decided to do away with a lot of our clothing that lies in excess (ie.... we wear it once a year, if that.)
Likewise, as an organizational measure I've taken to preparing the kids outfits for the next day in stackable boxes, switching them out with clean PJ's at morning dress time. I'm going to do this for us too--- hang ONE entire outfit per hanger (you know the ones with the clippies for pants and such) and leave it at that... we don't need 900 outfit combos, just 8 or so perfectly usable outfits that we can interchange once in a while if we get bored.
For me this is especially important because of my Carmelite calling-- while we don't wear the habit of a carmelite nun or brother (although we may be buried in one if we so choose! yay!) we do wear a habit of our own-- obviously, we wear the Brown Scapular. That being said, we attempt to simplify our lives and focus more on God and less on the world, and fashion is a big part of that because it identifies us so well-- so it makes perfect sense to me to be doing this stuff during my aspirancy-- sorting out what is and isn't a good idea to keep and have etc.
In doing so, I have to keep in mind my husband's wishes (I'm a wife first and a Carmelite second, right?) which are (and I quote) that I remain "hot" and don't "look like a nun." (Huge bummer for those of you who know me, because i'm very drawn to islamic style dress---long dresses and long sleeves, covered from head to toe, haha)
My first thoughts when it comes to what my own "habit" would look like is about footwear, funnily enough. And that's because I've entered into a DISCALCED (or barefoot) community... that is, the Carmelites who follow Teresa of Avila's spirituality didn't wear shoes, or wore rope sandals only, as a form of penance and to embody their simple spirituality--- pray much. detach.
Now, if I really was going to be a discalced carmelite, then shouldn't I be discalced as well?? Of course, I haven't yet met a Carmelite in my community who does this, so I might be being a little bit extreme in my thought process, but it was a relevant part of Teresa's spiritual disciplines, so I (obviously) want to make it a part of mine. Thus, I have researched the most long lasting, hard wearing, good for your feet, environmentally responsible shoes on the market far and wide, and discovered that my dad was totally right--- it's all about birkenstocks. I've had a pair of birks in my closet for as long as I can remember. And I think I've worn them all of twice. Birks are cute in a peace-and-love kind of way, but they certainly aren't CUTE in a semi-trashy kind of way, which anyone who knows me knows I like.... none of my shoes have heels less than four inches. True story. I thought long and hard about this sandal thing and decided that one super sacrifice I could make for the Lord would be to wear birks...because I'd be solidary with my discalced sisters all over the world, because I'd be seriously hampering my own pride and vanity and that can be nothing but good, and because quite honestly, I wouldn't have to think or worry so much about what I was going to wear. (more on that later) and I could spend all that time changing into twelve outfits before I leave the house in prayer. Which is the whole point, right?
That being said, I live in North Carolina, and short of wearing my handknit socks with my birks, (and yes, I'm sure I'll probably do that too--- I work hard to make those babies!) my toesies will freeze and I'm a wimp. I didn't have to think too hard to determine what would be a good winter shoe for someone interested in simplicity-- a shoe that goes with everything and that is good for you and your environment and your life--- before I thought of the Ugg Boot. Now uggs I've been wearing since time began, it seems like, and I'm in love with them for exactly those reasons-- simplicity, ease of use, good for the soul (and sole! haha.)
So it seemed that my shoe habit would go from simple to simple: uggs in the winter, birks in the summer. Done. (I'm sure I'll keep at least one pair of leather boots, however, to wear when I try to dress up on Sundays... more on that in a minute)
The rest of the wardrobe basically followed the shoes. I have a friend who has a MAJOR problem with people who wear jeans to church. She thinks it lacks reverence in a major way. Which , hey, I can totally see her point. On the other hand , I think about those people whose "nice" outfits consist of jeans and a nice shirt, and I think, hey, that's what fashion is like now. It also causes me to be somewhat frustrated when I myself wear jeans to church. I wonder how many people I'm bothering. Even though I've carefully selected them as the best outfit to wear out of the choices I had that morning, one that is respectful and says that I care about being there, it still can cause a HUGE stumbling block for another.
The more I thought on this the more I observed dress around me at church, and I realized something even more interesting.... I dont like pants. I get really irritated when some woman in a power pants suit with short hair is a lector or something (they are always the ones who non gendered language, going as far as to change the text in the lectionary).
I think they make pants these days that can be extra flirty and cute and "Girly" but that there is nothing cuter and more girly than wearing a nice skirt. Some women wear pants very deliberately... there are a couple of women like this in my congregation who do so to make a statement. One is a celibate lesbian, and the other is a total feminist. These women wear pants because they want you to know they have the RIGHT to do so. There are a few women I know who would "never wear a skirt," because it would be too wierd and girly for them. I think that says something about what a skirt is: it represents traditional femininity. Now, I like a good pair of jeans as much as the next person, but in light of all that thinking I've decided that I am definitely prepared to sacrifice my enjoyment of jeans for glorifying God by enjoying a skirt instead-- so I'm planning on sticking with skirts and no longer wearing pants. Just because, by doing so, I can make as much of a statement as miss lesbian and miss feminist are doing at my church. I can say "I choose femininity and grace because that's what God created me for." And you know what? There is NOTHING cuter than a good jean skirt (although MAN are they hard to come by these days!)
So, part two of my habit contemplation is that with my shoes will go a skirt.
Part three, of course, was that the top would just have to be modest and that really isn't too much of a big deal-- a shirt in the summer and a sweater in the winter. Done.
Colors? Why mostly browns, creams and blacks of course, like my Carmelite sisters. ;)
And one more thing--- what about Sundays? Although I'm trying to simplify, does that prevent me from observing the sabbath by dressing up on Sundays? After all, I'm still living in the world, right? It would be rather strange if everyone was wearing a cocktail dress and wrap with stilettos to the Epiphany party and I was wearing uggs and a khaki skirt, correct?
Shouldn't I be giving God my all time best and not causing people to think I'm totally strange? I'm still pondering this question, but I think the answer is that I should have some sort of "dressy" outfit for Sundays and special occasions, kind of like Class Bs in the army. I think it's important because of the fact that I live in the world, I'm married, we go out often enough and we obviously go to Church on Sundays, and my husband doesn't want me to be too "different" (My habit of headcovering already boggles his mind in this department...hehe.)
Back in the day, nuns wore what they wear today because the habit was the simplest clothing that existed in their time. In other words, the habit looked like what simple people would wear--- they didn't stand out but rather blended in and looked ordinary, plain. Nowadays, religious dress looks "Extreme." I think it's important to keep that in mind when I ask myself these questions, because what we wear and how we look speaks to the world and says something-- it makes a statement. The statement I would like to make is that I believe in God and I want to be holy. What do you guys think?
Likewise, as an organizational measure I've taken to preparing the kids outfits for the next day in stackable boxes, switching them out with clean PJ's at morning dress time. I'm going to do this for us too--- hang ONE entire outfit per hanger (you know the ones with the clippies for pants and such) and leave it at that... we don't need 900 outfit combos, just 8 or so perfectly usable outfits that we can interchange once in a while if we get bored.
For me this is especially important because of my Carmelite calling-- while we don't wear the habit of a carmelite nun or brother (although we may be buried in one if we so choose! yay!) we do wear a habit of our own-- obviously, we wear the Brown Scapular. That being said, we attempt to simplify our lives and focus more on God and less on the world, and fashion is a big part of that because it identifies us so well-- so it makes perfect sense to me to be doing this stuff during my aspirancy-- sorting out what is and isn't a good idea to keep and have etc.
In doing so, I have to keep in mind my husband's wishes (I'm a wife first and a Carmelite second, right?) which are (and I quote) that I remain "hot" and don't "look like a nun." (Huge bummer for those of you who know me, because i'm very drawn to islamic style dress---long dresses and long sleeves, covered from head to toe, haha)
My first thoughts when it comes to what my own "habit" would look like is about footwear, funnily enough. And that's because I've entered into a DISCALCED (or barefoot) community... that is, the Carmelites who follow Teresa of Avila's spirituality didn't wear shoes, or wore rope sandals only, as a form of penance and to embody their simple spirituality--- pray much. detach.
Now, if I really was going to be a discalced carmelite, then shouldn't I be discalced as well?? Of course, I haven't yet met a Carmelite in my community who does this, so I might be being a little bit extreme in my thought process, but it was a relevant part of Teresa's spiritual disciplines, so I (obviously) want to make it a part of mine. Thus, I have researched the most long lasting, hard wearing, good for your feet, environmentally responsible shoes on the market far and wide, and discovered that my dad was totally right--- it's all about birkenstocks. I've had a pair of birks in my closet for as long as I can remember. And I think I've worn them all of twice. Birks are cute in a peace-and-love kind of way, but they certainly aren't CUTE in a semi-trashy kind of way, which anyone who knows me knows I like.... none of my shoes have heels less than four inches. True story. I thought long and hard about this sandal thing and decided that one super sacrifice I could make for the Lord would be to wear birks...because I'd be solidary with my discalced sisters all over the world, because I'd be seriously hampering my own pride and vanity and that can be nothing but good, and because quite honestly, I wouldn't have to think or worry so much about what I was going to wear. (more on that later) and I could spend all that time changing into twelve outfits before I leave the house in prayer. Which is the whole point, right?
That being said, I live in North Carolina, and short of wearing my handknit socks with my birks, (and yes, I'm sure I'll probably do that too--- I work hard to make those babies!) my toesies will freeze and I'm a wimp. I didn't have to think too hard to determine what would be a good winter shoe for someone interested in simplicity-- a shoe that goes with everything and that is good for you and your environment and your life--- before I thought of the Ugg Boot. Now uggs I've been wearing since time began, it seems like, and I'm in love with them for exactly those reasons-- simplicity, ease of use, good for the soul (and sole! haha.)
So it seemed that my shoe habit would go from simple to simple: uggs in the winter, birks in the summer. Done. (I'm sure I'll keep at least one pair of leather boots, however, to wear when I try to dress up on Sundays... more on that in a minute)
The rest of the wardrobe basically followed the shoes. I have a friend who has a MAJOR problem with people who wear jeans to church. She thinks it lacks reverence in a major way. Which , hey, I can totally see her point. On the other hand , I think about those people whose "nice" outfits consist of jeans and a nice shirt, and I think, hey, that's what fashion is like now. It also causes me to be somewhat frustrated when I myself wear jeans to church. I wonder how many people I'm bothering. Even though I've carefully selected them as the best outfit to wear out of the choices I had that morning, one that is respectful and says that I care about being there, it still can cause a HUGE stumbling block for another.
The more I thought on this the more I observed dress around me at church, and I realized something even more interesting.... I dont like pants. I get really irritated when some woman in a power pants suit with short hair is a lector or something (they are always the ones who non gendered language, going as far as to change the text in the lectionary).
I think they make pants these days that can be extra flirty and cute and "Girly" but that there is nothing cuter and more girly than wearing a nice skirt. Some women wear pants very deliberately... there are a couple of women like this in my congregation who do so to make a statement. One is a celibate lesbian, and the other is a total feminist. These women wear pants because they want you to know they have the RIGHT to do so. There are a few women I know who would "never wear a skirt," because it would be too wierd and girly for them. I think that says something about what a skirt is: it represents traditional femininity. Now, I like a good pair of jeans as much as the next person, but in light of all that thinking I've decided that I am definitely prepared to sacrifice my enjoyment of jeans for glorifying God by enjoying a skirt instead-- so I'm planning on sticking with skirts and no longer wearing pants. Just because, by doing so, I can make as much of a statement as miss lesbian and miss feminist are doing at my church. I can say "I choose femininity and grace because that's what God created me for." And you know what? There is NOTHING cuter than a good jean skirt (although MAN are they hard to come by these days!)
So, part two of my habit contemplation is that with my shoes will go a skirt.
Part three, of course, was that the top would just have to be modest and that really isn't too much of a big deal-- a shirt in the summer and a sweater in the winter. Done.
Colors? Why mostly browns, creams and blacks of course, like my Carmelite sisters. ;)
And one more thing--- what about Sundays? Although I'm trying to simplify, does that prevent me from observing the sabbath by dressing up on Sundays? After all, I'm still living in the world, right? It would be rather strange if everyone was wearing a cocktail dress and wrap with stilettos to the Epiphany party and I was wearing uggs and a khaki skirt, correct?
Shouldn't I be giving God my all time best and not causing people to think I'm totally strange? I'm still pondering this question, but I think the answer is that I should have some sort of "dressy" outfit for Sundays and special occasions, kind of like Class Bs in the army. I think it's important because of the fact that I live in the world, I'm married, we go out often enough and we obviously go to Church on Sundays, and my husband doesn't want me to be too "different" (My habit of headcovering already boggles his mind in this department...hehe.)
Back in the day, nuns wore what they wear today because the habit was the simplest clothing that existed in their time. In other words, the habit looked like what simple people would wear--- they didn't stand out but rather blended in and looked ordinary, plain. Nowadays, religious dress looks "Extreme." I think it's important to keep that in mind when I ask myself these questions, because what we wear and how we look speaks to the world and says something-- it makes a statement. The statement I would like to make is that I believe in God and I want to be holy. What do you guys think?
On demonization and spiritual reality
I just finished re-reading a really great book (not for the faint of heart or those without a specific calling) called "Hostage to the Devil," by Malachi Martin.
I then read a review a friend sent me on an evangelical blog called Reason to Believe, which you can find here:
http://reasontobelieve.blogspot.com/2007/03/hostage-to-devil-by-malachi-martin.html
Reading that blog and review was sort of heart wrenching, because I know where that guy is (was) when writing it....I can totally relate.
Having been involved in deliverance counseling for many years in a protestant, nonedenominational, evangelical, very me-and-Jesus-on-a-mission kind of way, I "knew " certain things about the way the demonic realm worked. For example:
I knew that believers could not be POsessed but only Opressed.
I knew that people needed to face sin head on in order to be freed.
I knew that all I needed as a weapon against evil was strong faith in the name of Jesus.
I knew how to break down the TYPE of oppression, root out the source of the oppression, and how to bring about healing.
I knew also that this was a temporary thing-- that the afflicted person would have to ultimately continue the battle.
I knew I didn't need anything to exorcise someone but a tongue to praise the Lord and call down justice upon the demon at hand.
I learned not to doubt my power against evil spirits. Pre - deliverance session, I prepared myself by getting fired up in the Spirit (praying the Word, praying in tongues, etc) and by confession (telling God I was sorry for any sin I could find in my life) During the session, we usually began with prayer, counseled the person to renounce certain things they had/were doing, prayed, and saw deliverance.
It was simple. It was usually relatively quick. and it was NOTHING like the exorcisms depicted in stories like Annelise Michel (the real Emily Rose) or in books such as this one. And yet, all of these experiences were real, true, and valid. And I just didn't know what to make of them.
When Peter and I were considering my return to the Catholic Church, and possibly his own, that was our number one question for our priest.
We told him that we had been in deliverance ministry and that our biggest beef with the RCC was that only PRIESTS were allowed to "perform exorcisms." We first of all, didn't think a big ritual was needed to root out an entity because, hey, we had seen it work again and again and even in our own lives without one, and two, we didn't think that lay persons were incapable of casting out demons. We had done it. We knew.
Our priests' response, at the time, made good sense:
"The Catholic Church's position is that while anybody CAN exorcise someone, not everybody SHOULD. A priest who had been specifically called to the office of exorcist would be spiritually and academically and practically prepared in the best possibly way for success at such a ministry."
We agreed with that, and so we went forward.
And then the attacks started.
For a while there, (and I didn't blog about this much) we underwent CONSTANT spiritual attack. The word "paranormal" doesn't do justice to the wierdness and hyper creepiness of the things we were experiencing. These things have, to some degree, always occurred around me because for as long as I've lived I've experienced frequent periodic bouts of unexplainable activity either in my home or in my place of employment. Upon becoming a Christian and learning the source of these events, I became empowered to do something about it and learned to live with the parts that were, indeed, from the Lord.
After all, I'm a person who underwent a PHYSICAL change at my baptism. I've seen all sorts of strange things and beleive that pretty much anything is possible.
Nevertheless as these activities continued, I was in a state of extreme confusion (the confusion the author of this review I just mentioned experienced is NOTHING compared to the confusion of a person who is used to dealing with something one way and is suddenly forced to deal with it in another.) What I didn't realize at the time was that Satan is the author of confusion.... and that the confusion was just there to trip me up.
You see, there are three levels of activity we humans encounter: Supernatural activity is Divine, springing from God, creating activity that is both glorifying to Him and purposeful in that it fulfills His good and perfect will. Supernatural activity can include visions and certain abilities (from levitation to psychic knowledge of another, from bilocation to the ability to move objects by will, etc.) known as spiritual gifts. Prophecy, tongues, etc fall into this category. So do apparitions that glorify God or aid the members of His body.
Preternatural activity is demonic activity.... although Satan is capable of imitating many works of the Holy Spirit (think Pharaoh's magicians copying Moses' actions) these do not glorify God nor are they done to draw the person doing them or the person seeing them towards God. Rather , these are special visions and abilities which stem from a demonic source and lead only to further demonic sources. Ultimately, these abilities are not ALL powerful, and they can be conquered alongside their source.
Natural activity is what we do on a daily basis. Very often we can find within ourselves incredible ability (the ability to forgive some one who has truly wronged us, or to be kind to someone who doesn't really deserve it) and often God Himself has put it there. We all, however have certain qualities and characteristics that define us and help us to percieve what we consider "normal." God can influence us in both a natural and spiritual way. Demons can influence us in both a natural and a spiritual way.
Demonic attack can come in the form of something we might consider totally natural (sickness, disease, pain) alongside our "spiritual" person (emotional pain, mental illness) and finally in paranormal activity (objects moving, psychic knowledge, levitation, etc) And it's important to say this: SOMETIMES the source of an illness, pain, disease, etc can be perfectly natural. Sickness is a physcial consequence of our fallen world. Satan is not responsible for every sniffle and sneeze. However, because he is a crafty adversary, it's often worth looking into.
Likewise, the power of God is enough to heal pain, physcial or emotional, illness, and to stop paranormal activity. The Power of God is more powerful than any other thing.
Where does this power come from? In my experience, the power is in the NAME and person and actions of JESUS CHRIST, who acts on behalf of the Father in perfect love and perfect unity with the third person of the Trinity: the Holy Spirit. The demonic realm has a true and absolute hatred for Jesus Christ and consequentially for those who follow Him. When I was a protestant, the name and authority of Christ was enough to send a demon away, and I knew that, and I called on it often.
As a returned Catholic, I knew that a "change" had occured in my spiritual reality. I had seeds of doubt sown by well-meaning protestant friends with legitimate concerns about the Catholic Church. (When I say legitimate, I mean in the sense that they are correct to want to keep us from idolatry, sin, and empty religiosity. I do not mean that the Magesterium of the Roman Catholic Church endorses or practices any of those things which they feared I would encounter) Were I to have changed my "stance" (ie begun to relax my biblical standards of right and wrong) I would have been easy prey for demonic entities who seek only to kill and destroy. But I didn't. There was simply a new "Thing" happening in my spiritual world: and new "rules of operation" were developping from the old ones. They weren't becoming something DIFFERENT, they were evolving.
For me, the problem was simple:
I hadn't changed my BELIEFS-- other than that I was now under the authority of the one church that can claim it was started by Christ. Previous to that I had no authority over my head--- I was a free floating, saved-by-faith believer who was missing an essential aspect of my spiritual person: grounding in the Church. What did that mean? To me, it means that until I came back to the Catholic Church, I had all the power of Jesus because I believed. I had His holy spirit. I had all the joy and personal revelation and knowledge of God. I had a ticket to heaven and a mansion, and treasure, waiting on me. I had a call to share Christ with everyone who would listen. I was a new woman, and the old woman had passed away. BUT I was a lone ranger-- - I was not ONE, Unified, with the body of believers in a way that made us all ONE.
I was missing out on some obvious avenues of grace that would have helped me on my mission.... which I now have. As a Catholic, I had all the power of a believer, PLUS all the power of a believer who has AUTHORITY bestowed on them by the spiritual "order" God set in place.
In the Eucharist, I am given an added "weapon" or tool to fight the forces of darkness. I am better equipped. In the sacrament of confession, I find absolute peace and serenity which surpasses all understanding, and thus I can face anything Satan throws at me with assurance of my "clean" condition-- not only does God's Word tell me so in scripture, but those to whom He has entrusted true authority on earth have told me so. I can truly claim that my sins are cast as far from me as the east is from the west. In the sacrament of Marriage, I have found extra bucketloads of grace to build my marriage on the Rock of Christ and to find in it health, happiness, and wholeness. My marriage has never been better than when it became a Catholic one.
So what does this mean? It means that if my beliefs hadn't changed, and I had only built on my theological foundation, I needed to do the same for the way I looked at demonic activity and demonology.
I needed to see that the Church had been doing this for MUCH longer than I had and had developped a very good system that truly worked because it was based on this supernatural reality, the same supernatural reality that I already KNEW as a protestant:
God allows Satan to work. We must use our wills to allow God access to our souls. We must do battle with the Enemy trusting in the cross of Christ and none else, and we must be prepared to "legally" do so by keeping our own selves free of the factor that separates us from God: sin.
So flash back to my own frustration when I was coming under attack myself:
I no longer knew if "what I knew" was real-- I second guessed myself. Because things got worse instead of better when I tried to fight the battle the "Catholic" way-- by having my house blessed by a priest-- I second guessed the Church. And Satan preyed on that fear and things were crazy, until I seriously doubted my own perception--- wondering if I really knew what I thought I knew and if I really saw what I thought I saw. And that made me question everything, right down to whether I (and my family) was even saved at all. Confusion. It's the Enemy's best weapon.
So here's what I learned from all of this and the subsequent pursuit of my calling to deliverance ministry.
There is NO difference between the protestant "Way" of doing deliverance ministry and the CATHOLIC way. And yet-- there is every difference. Funny, huh?
Catholic deliverance ministry involves using the exact same principles as protestant deliverance ministry-- in other words,. we believe that our wills must be at work in the process of deliverance, that people can unknowingly open themselves up to the forces of darkness and need to close those doors of their own volition by bathing them in the blood of Christ. We believe that the person doing the "exorcising" can not stand in his own strength but in the power and authority of Christ. We believe that sin prevents us from serving God and from communion with God and gives parts of us over to Satan.
At the same time, we believe that we have been given certain graces which are available only through the authority of Jesus passed on through the apostolic succession we have in the Roman Catholic Church, which can be traced person by person all the way through to the biblical Apostle Peter, who was made apostle over all the other apostles. (for a complete list of people who stood in Peter's place as head of the Church whose head is Christ, please see this impressive link: http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/articles/popelist.htm)
This Church enjoys certain grace or certain blessings (to use protestant language) that are not given by God elsewhere, which are used for the advancement of the Kingdom on earth, and this is because of the authority and purity of doctrine we enjoy in the Roman Catholic Church that we could have no other place. For this reason, demons PARTICULARLY detest Catholics, and particularly detest those avenues of grace which God has given us through the apostolic succession.
Some of these avenues of grace include, for example, the Rosary-- which is one of the best weapons against Satanic activity I have ever personally encountered. Another is the intercession of St Benedict, and the sacramental medal he left us. Another is the intercession of St Michael the archangel. Another is Holy oil. Another is holy water. Another is the brown scapular I wear under my clothing. These things which protestants see as simply "objects" are called sacramentals-- avenues by which grace from God can pass into a person or place or thing when infused with FAITH IN GOD. They are not amulets, they are not "magic objects." They are methods by which God has allowed us in our infinite human, physical weakness to experience God and to see Him work as we co-operate to advance the kingdom. They are symbols of his love for us, infused with power.
Protestants KNOW in their heart of hearts that this is so, because they have no problem believing that a person can experience demonic activity in their home by simply owning a statue dedicated to another god or by bringing into their home an item dedicated in some way to demons or to Satan himself. Are demons more powerful than God?
I'll say it again: if an OBJECT can contain within itself an attachment to demonic forces, can an object not contain within itself an attachment to angelic forces of good?? Is God less capable than Satan? Surely not. Sacramentals, or "Holy Objects" are powerful weapons against the dark. Like a good flashlight, they cut and destroy and expose and illuminate the evil they face.
Likewise, we believe that if a layperson has power because of the authority of Christ and the priesthood of all believers we each enjoy, so a priest who has been ordained with the special priesthood of melchizedek by authorities which have the power to do so has all the more ability to channel grace and goodness into the dark places for it is his office and calling. Thus we put our priests in harms way because we know that they are specially equipped, better than we are, for what we are facing.
When a priest blesses a house, sometimes, that is all that is needed to "let the light in," so to speak, because the persons who live in the house exist in such a way that their faith has been stretched to the max and powerfully exercised just in this action of the priests.
We (both protestant and Catholic) know that a PLACE or piece of land can become subject to demonic influence by the types of activities that take place there-- ceremonies calling on Satan, for example, will leave a powerful trace of Satanic influence. This is why I used to prayer walk around my neighborhood, pausing each day to claim the land in the name of Jesus.... after all, I had neighbors who were openly satan worshippers. Thus, claiming the land in the name of Jesus was a spiritual action-- it created a spiritual reality, or at the very least, a clash, with the forces of darkness, preventing them from pursuing the ownership of that area.
How much MORE powerful is the offensive position of the Catholic Church when we have priests-- persons who have had the priesthood conferred on them by those in apostolic authority-- bless our homes? I remind you here that Christians are to be always on offense... we shouldn't be forced to play defense.
If a priest blesses the home of a person who was already a devout, spirit filled believer, however, the playing field has changed, but the battle may not be won yet. Why? Because the spiritual "level" of the house is higher than the spiritual level of the house where the people were nominal, or average believers. These people are not a threat to Satan and his dark kingdom, but people on fire are a whole other world. Likewise, people on fire are a threat to the kingdom, but people on fire with the most powerful army and the most powerful arsenal are the biggest threat to the kingdom of darkness.
Often times, after a priest blesses a home , things get worse before they get better.
In terms of battle, this represents what we know to be true: We attack the darkness with whatever we've got. And the darkness fights back with whatever it takes. If I have a tank, and you have a knife, I'm going to win. But you might get inspired and furious and choose to go down kicking and screaming, which is exactly what happens in Spirit filled Catholic homes when Satan attacks.
Is one way better than another? No. Either way, the victory is the Lord's. A small, easily won battle is a blessing-- there are fewer casualties and you were spared the darker difficulties of war.
But I have to say, having been on both types of playing fields, I am grateful to be on the Catholic one now because it has revealed so much more to me of the NATURE of good and evil.... After my eperiences with the demonic in a protestant setting I felt totally exhilerated and justified-- like, "THIS IS REAL!" I knew before them that it was real, but I knew in a special, I'll-never-forget-this kind of way that it was really real and that changed me.
But after my Catholic experiences, where I really was purely at the mercy of God and where everything I thought I knew broke down through my pride and arrogance and built into me a humiliating humilty I cannot describe, where I actually experienced fear and disgust and all of those emotions that remind you why you need God in the first place--- now THAT was powerful. That didn't just leave me going "this is real," but it changed me-- made me straighten up. It made me take this short life much more seriously and caused me to see without a doubt not only that we really and truly are engaged in a spiritual battle but also that we MUST CHOOSE, we cannot be bystanders for we will be massacred, at the very least injured beyond recognition.
The Catechism says that ALL of life boils down to the battle between good and evil. Scripture says that we must choose this day whom we will serve. There is unity in the Holy Spirit that allows believers from all walks of life to battle the spiritual forces of darkness in a way that brings a Victory for the Lord. Believers everywhere must unite, must work together to further the cause of freedom, which only those of us who have known captivity can tell you is the most blessed and beautiful thing about being a servant of God.
The important thing here is what we DO with that confusion. It is the same Holy Spirit that drives out demons in both protestant and Catholic settings. One may not understand the other with perfect trust, but it is vital to the cause of unity in the Spirit that all fear of "differences" be cast aside and that we walk in peace with one another, learning from one another's experiences in deliverance ministry. Otherwise, we have given Satan a point to hang on to.
I then read a review a friend sent me on an evangelical blog called Reason to Believe, which you can find here:
http://reasontobelieve.blogspot.com/2007/03/hostage-to-devil-by-malachi-martin.html
Reading that blog and review was sort of heart wrenching, because I know where that guy is (was) when writing it....I can totally relate.
Having been involved in deliverance counseling for many years in a protestant, nonedenominational, evangelical, very me-and-Jesus-on-a-mission kind of way, I "knew " certain things about the way the demonic realm worked. For example:
I knew that believers could not be POsessed but only Opressed.
I knew that people needed to face sin head on in order to be freed.
I knew that all I needed as a weapon against evil was strong faith in the name of Jesus.
I knew how to break down the TYPE of oppression, root out the source of the oppression, and how to bring about healing.
I knew also that this was a temporary thing-- that the afflicted person would have to ultimately continue the battle.
I knew I didn't need anything to exorcise someone but a tongue to praise the Lord and call down justice upon the demon at hand.
I learned not to doubt my power against evil spirits. Pre - deliverance session, I prepared myself by getting fired up in the Spirit (praying the Word, praying in tongues, etc) and by confession (telling God I was sorry for any sin I could find in my life) During the session, we usually began with prayer, counseled the person to renounce certain things they had/were doing, prayed, and saw deliverance.
It was simple. It was usually relatively quick. and it was NOTHING like the exorcisms depicted in stories like Annelise Michel (the real Emily Rose) or in books such as this one. And yet, all of these experiences were real, true, and valid. And I just didn't know what to make of them.
When Peter and I were considering my return to the Catholic Church, and possibly his own, that was our number one question for our priest.
We told him that we had been in deliverance ministry and that our biggest beef with the RCC was that only PRIESTS were allowed to "perform exorcisms." We first of all, didn't think a big ritual was needed to root out an entity because, hey, we had seen it work again and again and even in our own lives without one, and two, we didn't think that lay persons were incapable of casting out demons. We had done it. We knew.
Our priests' response, at the time, made good sense:
"The Catholic Church's position is that while anybody CAN exorcise someone, not everybody SHOULD. A priest who had been specifically called to the office of exorcist would be spiritually and academically and practically prepared in the best possibly way for success at such a ministry."
We agreed with that, and so we went forward.
And then the attacks started.
For a while there, (and I didn't blog about this much) we underwent CONSTANT spiritual attack. The word "paranormal" doesn't do justice to the wierdness and hyper creepiness of the things we were experiencing. These things have, to some degree, always occurred around me because for as long as I've lived I've experienced frequent periodic bouts of unexplainable activity either in my home or in my place of employment. Upon becoming a Christian and learning the source of these events, I became empowered to do something about it and learned to live with the parts that were, indeed, from the Lord.
After all, I'm a person who underwent a PHYSICAL change at my baptism. I've seen all sorts of strange things and beleive that pretty much anything is possible.
Nevertheless as these activities continued, I was in a state of extreme confusion (the confusion the author of this review I just mentioned experienced is NOTHING compared to the confusion of a person who is used to dealing with something one way and is suddenly forced to deal with it in another.) What I didn't realize at the time was that Satan is the author of confusion.... and that the confusion was just there to trip me up.
You see, there are three levels of activity we humans encounter: Supernatural activity is Divine, springing from God, creating activity that is both glorifying to Him and purposeful in that it fulfills His good and perfect will. Supernatural activity can include visions and certain abilities (from levitation to psychic knowledge of another, from bilocation to the ability to move objects by will, etc.) known as spiritual gifts. Prophecy, tongues, etc fall into this category. So do apparitions that glorify God or aid the members of His body.
Preternatural activity is demonic activity.... although Satan is capable of imitating many works of the Holy Spirit (think Pharaoh's magicians copying Moses' actions) these do not glorify God nor are they done to draw the person doing them or the person seeing them towards God. Rather , these are special visions and abilities which stem from a demonic source and lead only to further demonic sources. Ultimately, these abilities are not ALL powerful, and they can be conquered alongside their source.
Natural activity is what we do on a daily basis. Very often we can find within ourselves incredible ability (the ability to forgive some one who has truly wronged us, or to be kind to someone who doesn't really deserve it) and often God Himself has put it there. We all, however have certain qualities and characteristics that define us and help us to percieve what we consider "normal." God can influence us in both a natural and spiritual way. Demons can influence us in both a natural and a spiritual way.
Demonic attack can come in the form of something we might consider totally natural (sickness, disease, pain) alongside our "spiritual" person (emotional pain, mental illness) and finally in paranormal activity (objects moving, psychic knowledge, levitation, etc) And it's important to say this: SOMETIMES the source of an illness, pain, disease, etc can be perfectly natural. Sickness is a physcial consequence of our fallen world. Satan is not responsible for every sniffle and sneeze. However, because he is a crafty adversary, it's often worth looking into.
Likewise, the power of God is enough to heal pain, physcial or emotional, illness, and to stop paranormal activity. The Power of God is more powerful than any other thing.
Where does this power come from? In my experience, the power is in the NAME and person and actions of JESUS CHRIST, who acts on behalf of the Father in perfect love and perfect unity with the third person of the Trinity: the Holy Spirit. The demonic realm has a true and absolute hatred for Jesus Christ and consequentially for those who follow Him. When I was a protestant, the name and authority of Christ was enough to send a demon away, and I knew that, and I called on it often.
As a returned Catholic, I knew that a "change" had occured in my spiritual reality. I had seeds of doubt sown by well-meaning protestant friends with legitimate concerns about the Catholic Church. (When I say legitimate, I mean in the sense that they are correct to want to keep us from idolatry, sin, and empty religiosity. I do not mean that the Magesterium of the Roman Catholic Church endorses or practices any of those things which they feared I would encounter) Were I to have changed my "stance" (ie begun to relax my biblical standards of right and wrong) I would have been easy prey for demonic entities who seek only to kill and destroy. But I didn't. There was simply a new "Thing" happening in my spiritual world: and new "rules of operation" were developping from the old ones. They weren't becoming something DIFFERENT, they were evolving.
For me, the problem was simple:
I hadn't changed my BELIEFS-- other than that I was now under the authority of the one church that can claim it was started by Christ. Previous to that I had no authority over my head--- I was a free floating, saved-by-faith believer who was missing an essential aspect of my spiritual person: grounding in the Church. What did that mean? To me, it means that until I came back to the Catholic Church, I had all the power of Jesus because I believed. I had His holy spirit. I had all the joy and personal revelation and knowledge of God. I had a ticket to heaven and a mansion, and treasure, waiting on me. I had a call to share Christ with everyone who would listen. I was a new woman, and the old woman had passed away. BUT I was a lone ranger-- - I was not ONE, Unified, with the body of believers in a way that made us all ONE.
I was missing out on some obvious avenues of grace that would have helped me on my mission.... which I now have. As a Catholic, I had all the power of a believer, PLUS all the power of a believer who has AUTHORITY bestowed on them by the spiritual "order" God set in place.
In the Eucharist, I am given an added "weapon" or tool to fight the forces of darkness. I am better equipped. In the sacrament of confession, I find absolute peace and serenity which surpasses all understanding, and thus I can face anything Satan throws at me with assurance of my "clean" condition-- not only does God's Word tell me so in scripture, but those to whom He has entrusted true authority on earth have told me so. I can truly claim that my sins are cast as far from me as the east is from the west. In the sacrament of Marriage, I have found extra bucketloads of grace to build my marriage on the Rock of Christ and to find in it health, happiness, and wholeness. My marriage has never been better than when it became a Catholic one.
So what does this mean? It means that if my beliefs hadn't changed, and I had only built on my theological foundation, I needed to do the same for the way I looked at demonic activity and demonology.
I needed to see that the Church had been doing this for MUCH longer than I had and had developped a very good system that truly worked because it was based on this supernatural reality, the same supernatural reality that I already KNEW as a protestant:
God allows Satan to work. We must use our wills to allow God access to our souls. We must do battle with the Enemy trusting in the cross of Christ and none else, and we must be prepared to "legally" do so by keeping our own selves free of the factor that separates us from God: sin.
So flash back to my own frustration when I was coming under attack myself:
I no longer knew if "what I knew" was real-- I second guessed myself. Because things got worse instead of better when I tried to fight the battle the "Catholic" way-- by having my house blessed by a priest-- I second guessed the Church. And Satan preyed on that fear and things were crazy, until I seriously doubted my own perception--- wondering if I really knew what I thought I knew and if I really saw what I thought I saw. And that made me question everything, right down to whether I (and my family) was even saved at all. Confusion. It's the Enemy's best weapon.
So here's what I learned from all of this and the subsequent pursuit of my calling to deliverance ministry.
There is NO difference between the protestant "Way" of doing deliverance ministry and the CATHOLIC way. And yet-- there is every difference. Funny, huh?
Catholic deliverance ministry involves using the exact same principles as protestant deliverance ministry-- in other words,. we believe that our wills must be at work in the process of deliverance, that people can unknowingly open themselves up to the forces of darkness and need to close those doors of their own volition by bathing them in the blood of Christ. We believe that the person doing the "exorcising" can not stand in his own strength but in the power and authority of Christ. We believe that sin prevents us from serving God and from communion with God and gives parts of us over to Satan.
At the same time, we believe that we have been given certain graces which are available only through the authority of Jesus passed on through the apostolic succession we have in the Roman Catholic Church, which can be traced person by person all the way through to the biblical Apostle Peter, who was made apostle over all the other apostles. (for a complete list of people who stood in Peter's place as head of the Church whose head is Christ, please see this impressive link: http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/articles/popelist.htm)
This Church enjoys certain grace or certain blessings (to use protestant language) that are not given by God elsewhere, which are used for the advancement of the Kingdom on earth, and this is because of the authority and purity of doctrine we enjoy in the Roman Catholic Church that we could have no other place. For this reason, demons PARTICULARLY detest Catholics, and particularly detest those avenues of grace which God has given us through the apostolic succession.
Some of these avenues of grace include, for example, the Rosary-- which is one of the best weapons against Satanic activity I have ever personally encountered. Another is the intercession of St Benedict, and the sacramental medal he left us. Another is the intercession of St Michael the archangel. Another is Holy oil. Another is holy water. Another is the brown scapular I wear under my clothing. These things which protestants see as simply "objects" are called sacramentals-- avenues by which grace from God can pass into a person or place or thing when infused with FAITH IN GOD. They are not amulets, they are not "magic objects." They are methods by which God has allowed us in our infinite human, physical weakness to experience God and to see Him work as we co-operate to advance the kingdom. They are symbols of his love for us, infused with power.
Protestants KNOW in their heart of hearts that this is so, because they have no problem believing that a person can experience demonic activity in their home by simply owning a statue dedicated to another god or by bringing into their home an item dedicated in some way to demons or to Satan himself. Are demons more powerful than God?
I'll say it again: if an OBJECT can contain within itself an attachment to demonic forces, can an object not contain within itself an attachment to angelic forces of good?? Is God less capable than Satan? Surely not. Sacramentals, or "Holy Objects" are powerful weapons against the dark. Like a good flashlight, they cut and destroy and expose and illuminate the evil they face.
Likewise, we believe that if a layperson has power because of the authority of Christ and the priesthood of all believers we each enjoy, so a priest who has been ordained with the special priesthood of melchizedek by authorities which have the power to do so has all the more ability to channel grace and goodness into the dark places for it is his office and calling. Thus we put our priests in harms way because we know that they are specially equipped, better than we are, for what we are facing.
When a priest blesses a house, sometimes, that is all that is needed to "let the light in," so to speak, because the persons who live in the house exist in such a way that their faith has been stretched to the max and powerfully exercised just in this action of the priests.
We (both protestant and Catholic) know that a PLACE or piece of land can become subject to demonic influence by the types of activities that take place there-- ceremonies calling on Satan, for example, will leave a powerful trace of Satanic influence. This is why I used to prayer walk around my neighborhood, pausing each day to claim the land in the name of Jesus.... after all, I had neighbors who were openly satan worshippers. Thus, claiming the land in the name of Jesus was a spiritual action-- it created a spiritual reality, or at the very least, a clash, with the forces of darkness, preventing them from pursuing the ownership of that area.
How much MORE powerful is the offensive position of the Catholic Church when we have priests-- persons who have had the priesthood conferred on them by those in apostolic authority-- bless our homes? I remind you here that Christians are to be always on offense... we shouldn't be forced to play defense.
If a priest blesses the home of a person who was already a devout, spirit filled believer, however, the playing field has changed, but the battle may not be won yet. Why? Because the spiritual "level" of the house is higher than the spiritual level of the house where the people were nominal, or average believers. These people are not a threat to Satan and his dark kingdom, but people on fire are a whole other world. Likewise, people on fire are a threat to the kingdom, but people on fire with the most powerful army and the most powerful arsenal are the biggest threat to the kingdom of darkness.
Often times, after a priest blesses a home , things get worse before they get better.
In terms of battle, this represents what we know to be true: We attack the darkness with whatever we've got. And the darkness fights back with whatever it takes. If I have a tank, and you have a knife, I'm going to win. But you might get inspired and furious and choose to go down kicking and screaming, which is exactly what happens in Spirit filled Catholic homes when Satan attacks.
Is one way better than another? No. Either way, the victory is the Lord's. A small, easily won battle is a blessing-- there are fewer casualties and you were spared the darker difficulties of war.
But I have to say, having been on both types of playing fields, I am grateful to be on the Catholic one now because it has revealed so much more to me of the NATURE of good and evil.... After my eperiences with the demonic in a protestant setting I felt totally exhilerated and justified-- like, "THIS IS REAL!" I knew before them that it was real, but I knew in a special, I'll-never-forget-this kind of way that it was really real and that changed me.
But after my Catholic experiences, where I really was purely at the mercy of God and where everything I thought I knew broke down through my pride and arrogance and built into me a humiliating humilty I cannot describe, where I actually experienced fear and disgust and all of those emotions that remind you why you need God in the first place--- now THAT was powerful. That didn't just leave me going "this is real," but it changed me-- made me straighten up. It made me take this short life much more seriously and caused me to see without a doubt not only that we really and truly are engaged in a spiritual battle but also that we MUST CHOOSE, we cannot be bystanders for we will be massacred, at the very least injured beyond recognition.
The Catechism says that ALL of life boils down to the battle between good and evil. Scripture says that we must choose this day whom we will serve. There is unity in the Holy Spirit that allows believers from all walks of life to battle the spiritual forces of darkness in a way that brings a Victory for the Lord. Believers everywhere must unite, must work together to further the cause of freedom, which only those of us who have known captivity can tell you is the most blessed and beautiful thing about being a servant of God.
The important thing here is what we DO with that confusion. It is the same Holy Spirit that drives out demons in both protestant and Catholic settings. One may not understand the other with perfect trust, but it is vital to the cause of unity in the Spirit that all fear of "differences" be cast aside and that we walk in peace with one another, learning from one another's experiences in deliverance ministry. Otherwise, we have given Satan a point to hang on to.
Friday, January 2, 2009
The Eighth Annual Roundup
New Year's always cracks me up.
Everywhere we go on January 1, we see people jogging, getting their resolution to exercise off to a good start. Gyms are full. Churches are full. People are nicer to each other on the road. People are nice to cashiers. One smells less cigarette smoke in the street. Husbands and wives are holding hands. Hope is in the air.
A few days from now, everything will be back to "normal," but for now, it's a race to better each other, ourselves, and the world.
Everyone loves a new start. I'm guilty of it too-- that's why I'm glad I have Jesus, where each day is a new day in the Lord and my old nature has totally passed away, where He casts my sins as far as the east is from the west.
Since the new year is upon us, it's time for my annual blog roundup. So, without further ado, I present to you:
2008
Best Memory
This year was a bit different for us because we didn't really go anywhere or do anything!
My best memories of 2008 are of : marrying my husband in the Church, and seeing my children baptized.... by far. Complete and utter joy characterize those moments. I also have to add to that seeing my husband come into the Church-- which was absolutely breathtaking--- as well as my first day of aspirancy with the Third Order Carmelites. Recieving communion for the first time in eleven years---- omg. That was probably the most amazing of them all! What a big year for us.
Other wonderful memories are of my parents' visit at Easter time, which really solidified my sense of "ok"ness between them and us, and of my brother and Jess's arrival for their new life at Fort Bragg.
As a family, we learned to really expand ourselves our here, and enjoyed little trips, outings, and visits that just made us feel generally "home" and "good." Even though I dont think I'll ever feel like Fayetteville is my "home," I enjoyed the feeling of togetherness we shared on these little outings--- be they to Sharon Harris Lake, to Duke Chapel, or to Philadelphia. This was definitely a year of warm memories that smell familiar and sweet.
Worst Memory
By far, it was the periods of disillusionmnent we experienced. We went through agonizing, long moments of painful waiting, where we uncovered our "reality" as people and removed our expectations-- from God, from each other, from ourselves, from our family, from our goals, our careers. Each frustrating moment was characterized by a hopeless situation-- unable to pay rent, no food, no job in sight, etc. which we infused with faith and through which we pursued God to see what the heck was going on. We peeled off layers of shiny falseness in our lives and in our relationships to people,. to churches, to each other, to God, to our kids, to our families and friends..... and then we found our hearts. These moments were painful, which why I'm categorizing them as "Worst" of 2008. But I wouldn't trade them for the world-- we've learned so much!
Funniest Moment
The day we figured out we were supposed to be a Catholic family. This might not be funny to anyone else, but to us, it was hilarious. There was an audible sigh of release and relief that seemed to be constantly deflating us for a few weeks or so while we sorted out what God was doing. The pressure and frustration of theological disagreement and irritation at trying to be who we were not melted away and we were like little kids in a candy store-- just FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!! We were so happy, we basically just played and laughed and had a blast for the entire season, despite whatever else was going on. Quite honestly, our funniest moments are pretty silly--- my honey and I racing to find the correct page in the hymnal, and the one who finds it first proudly proclaiming "I'm holier than you!"
Standing in line at the confessional "gently" and playfully reminding each other of what the other needed to confess, or just having fun on our date night and shouting advice to the Ghost Hunters crew while munching on popcorn and snooggling on each other..... and lastly the first day we realized our sex life was being restored, which I'll keep as a private funny moment, thank you very much. :P
Biggest Surprise
That God was calling me back to the Catholic Church. By FAR. And then, that He called my husband to her as well. That surprised no one more than us.
Song of the Year
O Come O come Emmanuel.
There's a reason I cried ALL of advent at mass when we sang it--- it characterizes the nature of this last year--- we knew salvation was drawing near but we knew we had to wait for it and it just created LONGING and a desire for the King in us. It perfectly describes knowing through revelation what you need, and just waiting.
Movie of the Year
We actually did not see a single movie in theaters this year. Which is crazy. But we really, truly didn't, as far as I can remember. So consequentially, none really blew us away.
Website of the Year
Hmm. I've been having some really good conversations on the PRS boards, but I wouldn't say it's the best. Honestly, this year's best website goes to Adam Blai's religious demonology site, not just for its perfect, cautious and excellent content but also for his invaluable help in our ministry and his willingness to answer the wierdest questions from me without batting an eyelash and in a sincere, quick, and efficient way, for providing excellent spiritual direction. Thanks Adam!
Most awesome FOs
Socks, socks, and more socks. I did a norwegian boxlace shawl from Cheryl Oberle this year that I liked a lot. And a prayer shawl in patagonia cotton.... yum.
Most ridiculous WIPs
My never ending baby blanket for Baby Kailey. Sigh. I think this is my ninth month. :(
Best Forum Debate
Hmmm. Nothing as good as the Pinny Porn thread this year, but I really enjoyed some of the darker threads in the PRS, and the obvious debates about the Catholic Church that went on in the R&P. My favorite thread this whole year was the one I had to resurrect about the Queen of Heaven.... in which I had to publically recant my opinion and apologize after VEHEMENTLY arguing for over 20 pages that Mary was a demonic entity. Nothing more humbling than that. :P
Most incredible Kingdom Advances
This year was marked by some big apparent losses --ahem , Obama--- and some major victories. The birth of the duggar show: 17 Children and Counting on national TV is one of the greatest, I think. The anti-feminist movement continues to gain ground and I"m thankful for that. Abortion mills are still doing their thing but the cause for life has made headlines this year, and I'm thankful. Churches continue to grow and flourish. Missions, this year, has been pretty amazing. But nothing that just floored me. This year, the biggest kingdom advances I saw were that evil is being rooted out and exposed: One need look no further than the Iranian President's paranormal green glow during his address to the UN this year to see that something big is on the way. One of the biggest advances for the Kingdom this year is simply the creation and maintenance of 24 hour prayer sheds and prayer rooms and adoration chapels all over the world. People are really praying, and that is a HUGE advance!
Biggest disappointment
Still being here in Fayettenam.
Best Adventure
We had no adventures as far as trips this year. We had TONS of adventures in ministry, which I'm not free to disclose here. Needless to say, the best adventures this year were not your every-day variety.
Looking forward
Last year I prophesied that 2008 would be a year of renewal... "We will have our vision restored, our hearts turned towards God afresh, and a new annointing to complete the tasks He puts before us." (you can read last year's roundup here: http://stitchlove.blogspot.com/2007/12/annual-roundup.html) When I reread that this year, I kinda wanted to jump up and say "BINGO!" That's exactly what 2008 was for us. We renewed our vows to make this family work, we renewed our commitment to Christ and gained fresh vision for our family that helped us to accomplish a lot of our goals as a family. As I pursue the Lord for a vision for next year, the word He keeps giving me is "wait and see." I think 2009 is going to be a year of building on that vision and especially of experiencing the "goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Psalm 122)
I don't make new year's resolutions anymore because the secular new year doesn't speak to me as much as the liturgical seasons, but if I were going to make one, it would be this:
In 2009, I want to be Holy---
Contemplative, and conquered by Christ, just like Mary.
Everywhere we go on January 1, we see people jogging, getting their resolution to exercise off to a good start. Gyms are full. Churches are full. People are nicer to each other on the road. People are nice to cashiers. One smells less cigarette smoke in the street. Husbands and wives are holding hands. Hope is in the air.
A few days from now, everything will be back to "normal," but for now, it's a race to better each other, ourselves, and the world.
Everyone loves a new start. I'm guilty of it too-- that's why I'm glad I have Jesus, where each day is a new day in the Lord and my old nature has totally passed away, where He casts my sins as far as the east is from the west.
Since the new year is upon us, it's time for my annual blog roundup. So, without further ado, I present to you:
2008
Best Memory
This year was a bit different for us because we didn't really go anywhere or do anything!
My best memories of 2008 are of : marrying my husband in the Church, and seeing my children baptized.... by far. Complete and utter joy characterize those moments. I also have to add to that seeing my husband come into the Church-- which was absolutely breathtaking--- as well as my first day of aspirancy with the Third Order Carmelites. Recieving communion for the first time in eleven years---- omg. That was probably the most amazing of them all! What a big year for us.
Other wonderful memories are of my parents' visit at Easter time, which really solidified my sense of "ok"ness between them and us, and of my brother and Jess's arrival for their new life at Fort Bragg.
As a family, we learned to really expand ourselves our here, and enjoyed little trips, outings, and visits that just made us feel generally "home" and "good." Even though I dont think I'll ever feel like Fayetteville is my "home," I enjoyed the feeling of togetherness we shared on these little outings--- be they to Sharon Harris Lake, to Duke Chapel, or to Philadelphia. This was definitely a year of warm memories that smell familiar and sweet.
Worst Memory
By far, it was the periods of disillusionmnent we experienced. We went through agonizing, long moments of painful waiting, where we uncovered our "reality" as people and removed our expectations-- from God, from each other, from ourselves, from our family, from our goals, our careers. Each frustrating moment was characterized by a hopeless situation-- unable to pay rent, no food, no job in sight, etc. which we infused with faith and through which we pursued God to see what the heck was going on. We peeled off layers of shiny falseness in our lives and in our relationships to people,. to churches, to each other, to God, to our kids, to our families and friends..... and then we found our hearts. These moments were painful, which why I'm categorizing them as "Worst" of 2008. But I wouldn't trade them for the world-- we've learned so much!
Funniest Moment
The day we figured out we were supposed to be a Catholic family. This might not be funny to anyone else, but to us, it was hilarious. There was an audible sigh of release and relief that seemed to be constantly deflating us for a few weeks or so while we sorted out what God was doing. The pressure and frustration of theological disagreement and irritation at trying to be who we were not melted away and we were like little kids in a candy store-- just FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!! We were so happy, we basically just played and laughed and had a blast for the entire season, despite whatever else was going on. Quite honestly, our funniest moments are pretty silly--- my honey and I racing to find the correct page in the hymnal, and the one who finds it first proudly proclaiming "I'm holier than you!"
Standing in line at the confessional "gently" and playfully reminding each other of what the other needed to confess, or just having fun on our date night and shouting advice to the Ghost Hunters crew while munching on popcorn and snooggling on each other..... and lastly the first day we realized our sex life was being restored, which I'll keep as a private funny moment, thank you very much. :P
Biggest Surprise
That God was calling me back to the Catholic Church. By FAR. And then, that He called my husband to her as well. That surprised no one more than us.
Song of the Year
O Come O come Emmanuel.
There's a reason I cried ALL of advent at mass when we sang it--- it characterizes the nature of this last year--- we knew salvation was drawing near but we knew we had to wait for it and it just created LONGING and a desire for the King in us. It perfectly describes knowing through revelation what you need, and just waiting.
Movie of the Year
We actually did not see a single movie in theaters this year. Which is crazy. But we really, truly didn't, as far as I can remember. So consequentially, none really blew us away.
Website of the Year
Hmm. I've been having some really good conversations on the PRS boards, but I wouldn't say it's the best. Honestly, this year's best website goes to Adam Blai's religious demonology site, not just for its perfect, cautious and excellent content but also for his invaluable help in our ministry and his willingness to answer the wierdest questions from me without batting an eyelash and in a sincere, quick, and efficient way, for providing excellent spiritual direction. Thanks Adam!
Most awesome FOs
Socks, socks, and more socks. I did a norwegian boxlace shawl from Cheryl Oberle this year that I liked a lot. And a prayer shawl in patagonia cotton.... yum.
Most ridiculous WIPs
My never ending baby blanket for Baby Kailey. Sigh. I think this is my ninth month. :(
Best Forum Debate
Hmmm. Nothing as good as the Pinny Porn thread this year, but I really enjoyed some of the darker threads in the PRS, and the obvious debates about the Catholic Church that went on in the R&P. My favorite thread this whole year was the one I had to resurrect about the Queen of Heaven.... in which I had to publically recant my opinion and apologize after VEHEMENTLY arguing for over 20 pages that Mary was a demonic entity. Nothing more humbling than that. :P
Most incredible Kingdom Advances
This year was marked by some big apparent losses --ahem , Obama--- and some major victories. The birth of the duggar show: 17 Children and Counting on national TV is one of the greatest, I think. The anti-feminist movement continues to gain ground and I"m thankful for that. Abortion mills are still doing their thing but the cause for life has made headlines this year, and I'm thankful. Churches continue to grow and flourish. Missions, this year, has been pretty amazing. But nothing that just floored me. This year, the biggest kingdom advances I saw were that evil is being rooted out and exposed: One need look no further than the Iranian President's paranormal green glow during his address to the UN this year to see that something big is on the way. One of the biggest advances for the Kingdom this year is simply the creation and maintenance of 24 hour prayer sheds and prayer rooms and adoration chapels all over the world. People are really praying, and that is a HUGE advance!
Biggest disappointment
Still being here in Fayettenam.
Best Adventure
We had no adventures as far as trips this year. We had TONS of adventures in ministry, which I'm not free to disclose here. Needless to say, the best adventures this year were not your every-day variety.
Looking forward
Last year I prophesied that 2008 would be a year of renewal... "We will have our vision restored, our hearts turned towards God afresh, and a new annointing to complete the tasks He puts before us." (you can read last year's roundup here: http://stitchlove.blogspot.com/2007/12/annual-roundup.html) When I reread that this year, I kinda wanted to jump up and say "BINGO!" That's exactly what 2008 was for us. We renewed our vows to make this family work, we renewed our commitment to Christ and gained fresh vision for our family that helped us to accomplish a lot of our goals as a family. As I pursue the Lord for a vision for next year, the word He keeps giving me is "wait and see." I think 2009 is going to be a year of building on that vision and especially of experiencing the "goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Psalm 122)
I don't make new year's resolutions anymore because the secular new year doesn't speak to me as much as the liturgical seasons, but if I were going to make one, it would be this:
In 2009, I want to be Holy---
Contemplative, and conquered by Christ, just like Mary.
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