I went to confession yesterday. I try to go every week, although there have been a few weeks where I missed for one reason or another.
EVERY time I go I am both apprehensive and excited. I know that it is going to be hard to admit my sins aloud, but I also know that I am going to be totally blessed by it... that God is going to use my confessor to transmit some incredible grace to me and that, vice versa, my confessor ends up being the recipient of some grace as well.
It's THAT thought that gives me the courage to go again, even if some days I am really confessing the exact same sins I confessed last week! (How mortifying if you have the same confessor each week-- and I try to!)
Anyways, I was not disappointed on Saturday. Father and I talked for a very long time about some things that were weighing on me. And what I love about the confessional is that it seems each time there is as much grace transmitted to my priest as there is to me... it truly is a special sacrament and a moment of unity between God and us and the whole church. It's absolutely breathtaking.
The other thing I love is that the goal for both of us in the moment is to get to the root of the problem. And the root is just really deep, each time. When we put our heads together, we find that we can make connections in some of the sins I'm confessing and break them down to about two or three roots each time... not always different ones either. It's powerful stuff and a good reminder to guard against the attacks of the devil in our weakest areas.
I just can't say enough about this sacrament. It just resonates life to me. It's so awesome.
Anyways, we got to talking about life and all sorts of other things and I realized that I had not yet asked him about my curious experience each day before communion. (Brief wrapup for those who don't read this blog regularly-- right before communion all the way to when the tabernacle is closed again, I experience this wierd, heart pounding, light headed kind of thing that really wierds me out. It's been happening for about a month now, and every time it makes me nervous)
I was explaining it to him and about halfway into it, he stopped me, with this knowing look on his face, and half smiled.
"Does it feel like your first kiss?"
Oh my gosh.
The second he said it any fear of it melted away as warm waves of relief flooded over me. YES! That's EXACTLY what it feels like.... My first kiss. Every time.
Everything fades out but the eucharist. heart is pounding. ears are ringing. cheeks get hot. nervous and excited. churning stomach.... and then--- there it is!!!
God is absolutely amazing. I am so in love with Him.
"Perhaps this is one of the secrets of life-- to know 'Glory' when we see it..." --Charlotte M. Mason
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
The theology of the body is changing my life
Wayne and I are a part of this small group of enthusiastic orthodox members of our church. We get together for mass every day, we have breakfasts and coffees and dinners and things, we take care of each other, we meet up at confession, at church "gatherings," and at each other’s homes where we talk about all the experiences in our Catholic lives. Many times, these involve wondering how to bring the more "progressive" end of our beautiful church family back into a perfect union with teachings of the church. Which is a tender topic, and one which requires a lot of diplomacy and love. And hard work!
And in the course of all this, we are living out the most amazing relationships with each other. One of these women, a mother of five, pregnant, and very busy, made the time to come and stay with me in the hospital this week while Annika was undergoing her operation. Last week , when Annika had fevers of 105-106 all week, the girls made us dinner. Little things like that.
We have a seminarian staying with us at the parish right now who is a huge Godsend. He and our Priest have clicked (I know they were friends before, but in such a way that they are a huge asset to the parish as a team right now) and we have been blessed to spontaneously create this small discussion group to study material that both our priest and this particular seminarian believe are the CORE teachings that will bring people into deeper union with the Church and with God’s purpose for us. What are these teachings?
They are a series of writings by Pope John Paul II written before he was pope and given at general addresses over the course of several years in the early eighties.
Twice a week, we sit down around a kitchen table with a pot of hot coffee and some quiche after mass and dig into the Theology of the Body, a compendium of these teachings.
It has been life changing, and we’ve only had two sessions so far.
The first thing that struck me was the discovery that science, religion, and philosophy were not mutually exclusive, but rather that I could begin to pick up the abandoned pieces of my college education and USE them to draw nearer to God.
Suddenly, I’m not casting aside all the things I learned in philosophy, in psychology, in art, in humanities, in anthropology, in language, and in science and math in favor of learning “God‘s ways.”
Suddenly these practices can become vehicles to help me understand the political and philosophical climate that shaped different movements in theology, and through them, I am able to better understand what TRUTH is and how God is revealed in His creation.
I could have cried the first day when he began to talk about Descartes, and Kant, and Plato and Aristotle, and when all these familiar concepts I had studied for years began to creep tentatively back into the forefront of my mind as valid concepts to ponder, rather than my usual pushing them aside in favor of “faith.”
Suddenly the last eleven years of virtual brainwashing I’d been undergoing began to unravel as I formed an understanding of what the creation account tells us about the nature of Man in a way that a thinking person, one who is able to and encouraged to use the intellect, could finally understand.
Literally, tears were coming to my eyes as I saw how for the last eleven years I have had to “dumb down” all the things which had been so precious to me growing up-- the pursuit of truth and knowledge through the arts and sciences… the glorious things which make Man, well.. Man. I had been taught that these things were not spiritual, and tried for years to forget all of it, but I never made the connection that perhaps God was smarter than we were and that a thorough study of these things could only lead us back to Him!
I think about how terrified people I know are of the concept of evolution, going as far as to take their kids out of schools that teach it. Imagine the look on my face when our seminarian said things like: “A Jesuit PRIEST came up with the idea of the big bang!”
and “the Catholic church has never been threatened by the concept of evolution.”
These things are absolutely mind boggling to me. I feel, again, so much anger wash over me and relief at the same time--- how much of my life was just WASTED that could have been spent in the pursuit of knowledge, etc, when I was just pursuing an abstract concept of faith that I didn’t even really fully understand? How much MORE faith would I have if I would have been encouraged and “allowed” to look at what the last 2000 years have taught us about God in our world?
The second thing that struck me was just how profound and deep and “meaty” Catholic theology really is. I have barely cut my teeth on the Theology of the Body and already, I’m in over my head. Concepts that are changing the way I look at EVERYTHING (or rather, changing the way I can EXPLAIN everything I already believe) are floating past me and I feel like a baby in this giant womb, grasping at molecules floating past me that I desperately need for nutrition... That I need to grow into a healthy Christian.
Third, this whole experience has really made clear to me that I do have a Carmelite calling on my life. Though JPII wasn’t a Carmelite, he had a very Carmelite way of looking at life, and I can see the influence of St John of the Cross in so much of his stuff in this tome. In learning the theology of the body, I am discovering that God has given me a contemplative “gift” which I have often tried to ignore in pursuit of “holiness” through actions I wasn’t necessarily called to. I’m also learning that the depth of Carmelite spirituality far exceeds anything I have thus far “grasped” and that it is something I am absolutely drawn to in the sense that it is already a part of who I am. I am looking forward to the next meeting and the beginning of my formation as a secular discalced Carmelite.
That’s all I have time to write on tonight, but you will be hearing more from me about the Theology of the Body, probably for the rest of my life.
I encourage every single one of you to read the following article, no matter who you are or what you are doing. Take the time. It is an article from the Catholic Education Resource Center on The TOB by Christopher West, which explains in very clear, very simple terms the rich texts and concepts of the Theology of the Body, and which will help you to see why these things are so life changing in an era of post-sexual revolution craziness, in which marriage and the body and the concept of self and our “Godlike Image” have been so mutilated by Satan that they are hardly recognizable, and from which we must turn if we want to pursue holiness on a new level which was our initial starting point. It’s like re-learning how to live before the fall. It’s like…. Learning how to live heaven on earth so that we can start now.
----------------------------
What is the Theology of the Body & Why is it Changing so Many Lives?
CHRISTOPHER WEST
The sexual embrace is the foundation stone of human life. The family and, in turn, human society itself spring from this embrace. In short, as sex goes, so go marriage and the family. As marriage and the family go, so goes civilization.
“It is an illusion to think we can build a true culture of human life if we do not . . . accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true meaning and their close inter-connection.”
- John Paul II, The Gospel of Life (n. 97).
Such logic doesn’t bode well for our culture. It’s no exaggeration to say that the task of the twentieth century was to rid itself of the Christian sexual ethic. If we’re to build a “culture of life,” the task of the twenty-first century must be to reclaim it.
But the often repressive approach of previous generations of Christians (usually silence or, at most, “don’t do it”) is largely responsible for the cultural jettison of the Church’s teaching on sex. We need a “new language” to break the silence and reverse the negativity. We need a fresh theology that explains how the Christian sexual ethic far from the prudish list of prohibitions it’s assumed to be corresponds perfectly with the deepest yearnings of our hearts for love and union.
As many people are only now discovering, Pope John Paul II devoted the first major teaching project of his pontificate to developing just such a theology; he calls it a “theology of the body.” This collection of 129 short talks has already begun a “sexual counter-revolution” that’s changing lives around the world. The “fire” is spreading and in due time we can expect global repercussions.
Papal biographer George Weigel said it best when he described the theology of the body as “a kind of theological time bomb set to go off with dramatic consequences ...perhaps in the twenty-first century” (Witness to Hope, 343).
A Reply to Our Universal Questions
By focusing on the beauty of God’s plan for the union of the sexes, John Paul shifts the discussion from legalism (“How far can I go before I break the law?”) to liberty (“What’s the truth that sets me free to love?”). The truth that sets us free is salvation in Jesus Christ. It doesn’t matter what mistakes we’ve made or what sins we’ve committed. The Pope’s theology of the body wags a finger at no one. It’s a message of sexual salvation offered to one and all.
In short, through an in-depth reflection on the Scriptures, John Paul seeks to answer two of the most important, universal questions: (1) “What’s it mean to be human?” and (2) “How do I live my life in a way that brings true happiness and fulfillment?” The Pope’s teaching, therefore, isn’t just about sex and marriage. Since our creation as male and female is the “fundamental fact of human existence” (Feb 13, 1980), the theology of the body affords “the rediscovery of the meaning of the whole of existence, the meaning of life” (Oct 29, 80).
To answer the first question “What’s it mean to be human?” the Pope follows Christ invitation to reflect on the three different “stages” of the human experience of sex and the body: in our origin before sin (see Mt 19:3-8); in our history darkened by sin yet redeemed in Christ (see Mt 5:27-28); and in our destiny when God will raise our bodies in glory (see Mt 22:23-33).
In response to the second question “How do I live my life?” John Paul applies his distinctive “Christian humanism” to the vocations of celibacy and marriage. He then concludes by demonstrating how his study provides a new, winning explanation of Church teaching on sexual morality.
We’ll look briefly at each of these different sections of the Pope’s teaching. Of course, in a short introduction such as this, we’re only scratching the surface of the Pope’s profound insights (see resource section to learn more). We’ll begin with his main idea.
Why is the Body a “Theology”?
According to John Paul II, God created the body as a “sign” of his own divine mystery. This is why he speaks of the body as a “theology,” a study of God.
We can’t see God. As pure Spirit, he’s invisible. Yet Christianity is the religion of God’s self-disclosure. In Christ, “God has revealed his innermost secret: God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange” (CCC, n. 221). Somehow the human body makes this eternal mystery of love visible.
How? Specifically through the beauty of sexual difference and our call to union. God designed the union of the sexes as a “created version” of his own “eternal exchange of love.” And right from the beginning, the union of man and woman foreshadows our eternal destiny of union with Christ. As St. Paul says, the “one flesh” union is “a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:31-32).
The Bible uses spousal love more than any other image to help us understand God’s eternal plan for humanity. God’s wants to “marry” us (see Hos 2:19) to live with us in an “eternal exchange of love.” And he wanted this great “marital plan” to be so plain to us, so obvious to us that he impressed an image of it in our very being by creating us male and female and calling us to communion in “one flesh.”
Thus, in a dramatic development of Catholic thought, John Paul concludes that we image God not only as individuals, “but also through the communion ...which man and woman form right from the beginning.” And, the Pope adds, “On all of this, right from ‘the beginning,’ there descended the blessing of fertility” (Nov 14, 1979). The original vocation to be “fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28), then, is nothing but a call live in the image in which we’re made to love as God loves.
Of course, this doesn’t mean God is “sexual.” We use spousal love only as an analogy to help us understand something of the divine mystery (see CCC, n. 370). God’s “mystery remains transcendent in regard to this analogy as in regard to any other analogy” (Sep. 29, 1982). At the same time, however, the Pope says that there “is no other human reality which corresponds more, humanly speaking, to that divine mystery” (Dec. 30, 1988).
The Original Experience of the Body & Sex
We tend to think the “war” between the sexes is normal. In his discussion with the Pharisees, Jesus points out that “from the beginning it was not so” (Mt 19:8). Before sin, man and woman experienced their union as a participation in God’s eternal love. This is the model for us all, and although we’ve fallen from this, Christ gives us real power to reclaim it.
The biblical creation stories use symbolic language to help us understand deep truths about ourselves. For example, the Pope observes that their original unity flows from the human being’s experience of solitude. At first the man was “alone” (see Gen 2:18). Among the animals there was no “helper fit for him” (Gen 2:20). It’s on the basis of this “solitude” an experience common to male and female that we experience our longing for union.
The point is that human sexual union differs radically from the mating of animals. If they were the same, Adam would have found plenty of “helpers” among the animals. But in naming the animals he realized he was different; he alone was a person called to love with his body in God’s image. Upon sight of the woman the man immediately declares: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). That’s to say, “Finally, a person I can love.”
How did he know that she too was a person called to love? Her naked body revealed the mystery! For the pure of heart, nakedness reveals what John Paul calls “the nuptial meaning of the body.” This is the body’s “capacity of expressing love: that love precisely in which the person becomes a gift and by means of this gift fulfills the very meaning of his being and existence” (Jan 16, 1980).
Yes, the Pope says if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning of life. What is it? Jesus reveals it when he says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (Jn 15:12). How did Jesus love us? “This is my body which is given for you” (Lk 22:19). God created sexual desire as the power to love as he loves. And this is how the first couple experienced it. Hence, they “were both naked, and were not ashamed” (Gen 2:25).
There’s no shame in love; “perfect love casts out fear” (1 Jn 4:18). Living in complete accord with the nuptial meaning of their bodies, they saw and knew each other “with all the peace of the interior gaze, which createsB the fullness of the intimacy of persons” (Jan 2, 1980).
The Historical Experience of the Body & Sex
Original sin caused the “death” of divine love in the human heart. The entrance of shame indicates the dawn of lust, of erotic desire void of God’s love. Men and women of history now tend to seek “the sensation of sexuality” apart from the true gift of themselves, apart from authentic love.
We cover our bodies not because they’re bad, but to protect their inherent goodness from the degradation of lust. Since we know we’re made for love, we feel instinctively “threatened” not only by overt lustful behavior, but even by a “lustful look.”
Christ’s words are severe in this regard. He insists that if we look lustfully at others, we’ve already committed adultery in our hearts (see Mt 5:28). John Paul poses the question: “Are we to fear the severity of these words, or rather have confidence in their salvific ...power?” (Oct 8, 1980). These words have power to save us because the man who utters them is “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world” (Jn 1:29).
Christ didn’t die and rise from the dead merely to give us coping mechanisms for sin. “Jesus came to restore creation to the purity of its origins” (CCC, n. 2336). As we open ourselves to the work of redemption, Christ’s death and resurrection effectively “liberate our liberty from the domination of lust” as John Paul expresses it (March 1, 1984).
On this side of heaven, we’ll always be able to recognize a battle in our hearts between love and lust. Even so, John Paul insists that “the redemption of the body” (see Ro 8:23) is already at work in men and women of history. This means as we allow our lusts to be “crucified with Christ” (see Gal 5:24) we can progressively rediscover in what is erotic that original “nuptial meaning of the body” and live it. This “liberation from lust” and the freedom it affords is, in fact, “the condition of all life together in truth” (Oct 8, 1980).
The Ultimate Experience of the Body & Sex
What about our experience of the body in the resurrection? Didn’t Christ say we’ll no longer be given in marriage when we rise from the dead (see Mt 22:30)? Yes, but this doesn’t mean our longing for union will be done away with. It means it will be fulfilled. As a sacrament, marriage is only on earthly sign of the heavenly reality. We no longer need signs to point us to heaven, when we’re in heaven. The “marriage of the Lamb” (Rev 19:7) the union of love we all desire will be eternally consummated.
“For man, this consummation will be the final realization of the unity of the human race, which God willed from creation. ...Those who are united with Christ will form the community of the redeemed, ‘the holy city’ of God, ‘the Bride, the wife of the Lamb’” (CCC, n. 1045). This eternal reality is what the “one flesh” union foreshadows from the beginning (see Eph 5:31-32).
Hence, in the resurrection of the body we rediscover in an eternal dimension the same nuptial meaning of the body in the meeting with the mystery of the living God face to face (see Dec 9, 1981). “This will be a completely new experience,” the Pope says beyond anything we can imagine. Yet “it will not be alienated in any way from what man took part in from ‘the beginning,’ nor from [what concerns] the procreative meaning of the body and of sex” (Jan 13, 1982).
The Christian Vocations
By looking at “who we are” in our origin, history, and destiny, we open the door to a proper understanding of the Christian vocations of celibacy and marriage. Both vocations are an authentic “living out” of the most profound truth of who we are as male and female.
When lived authentically, Christian celibacy isn’t a rejection of sexuality and our call to union. It actually points to their ultimate fulfillment. Those who sacrifice marriage “for the sake of the kingdom” (Mt 19:12) do so in order to devote all of their energies and desires to the marriage that alone can satisfy the marriage of Christ and the Church. In a way, they’re “skipping” the sacrament (the earthly sign) in anticipation of the ultimate reality. By doing so, celibate men and women declare to the world that the kingdom of God is here (see Mt 12:28).
In a different way, marriage also anticipates heaven. “In the joys of their love [God gives spouses] here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb” (CCC, n. 1642). Why, then, do so many couples experience marriage as a “living hell”? In order for marriage to bring the happiness it’s meant to, spouses must live it as God intended “from the beginning.” This means they must contend diligently with the effects of sin.
Marriage doesn’t justify lust. As a sacrament, marriage is meant to symbolize the union of Christ and the Church (see Eph 5:31-32). The body has a “language” that’s meant to express God’s free, total, faithful, and fruitful love. This is exactly what spouses commit to at the altar. “Have you come here freely?” the priest asks, “to give yourselves to each other without reservation? Do you promise to be faithful until death? Do you promise to receive children lovingly form God?” Bride and groom say “yes.”
In turn, spouses are meant to express this same “yes” with their bodies whenever they become one flesh. “Indeed the very words ‘I take you to be my wife my husband,’” the Pope says, “can be fulfilled only by means of conjugal intercourse” (Jan 5, 1983). Sexual union is meant to be the renewal of wedding vows!
A New Context for Understanding Sexual Morality
The Church’s sexual ethic begins to make sense when viewed through this lens. It’s not a prudish list of prohibitions. It’s a call to embrace our own “greatness,” our own God-like dignity. It’s a call to live the love we’re created for.
Since a prophet is one who proclaims God’s love, John Paul II describes the body and sexual union as “prophetic.” But, he adds, we must be careful to distinguish between true and false prophets. If we can speak the truth with our bodies, we can also speak lies. Ultimately all questions of sexual morality come down to one simple question: Does this truly image God’s free, total, faithful, fruitful love or does it not?
In practical terms, how healthy would a marriage be if spouses were regularly unfaithful to their wedding vows? On the other hand, how healthy would a marriage be if spouses regularly renewed their vows, expressing an ever-increasing commitment to them? This is what’s at stake in the Church’s teaching on sexual morality.
Masturbation, fornication, adultery, intentionally sterilized sex, homosexual acts, etc. none of these image God’s free, total, faithful, and fruitful love. None of these behaviors express and renew wedding vows. They aren’t marital. Does this mean people who behave in such ways are “inherently evil?” No. They’re just confused about how to satisfy their genuine desires for love.
If I offered you a million dollar bill and a counterfeit million dollar bill, which would you prefer? Dumb question, I know. But what if you were raised in a culture that incessantly bombarded you with propaganda convincing you that counterfeit was the real thing and the real thing was a counterfeit? Might you be a little confused?
Authentic Sexual Liberation
Why all the propaganda? If there’s an enemy that wants to keep us from heaven, and if the body and sex is meant to point us there, what do you think he’s going to attack? Sin’s tactic is to “twist” and “disorient” our desire for the eternal embrace. That’s all it can do. When we understand this, we realize that the sexual confusion so prevalent in our world and in our own hearts is nothing but the human desire for heaven gone berserk.
But the tide is changing. People can only put up with the counterfeits for so long. Not only do they fail to satisfy, they wound us terribly. Sadly, the truth of the Church’s teaching on sex is confirmed in the wounds of those who haven’t lived it. Our longings for love, intimacy, and freedom are good. But the sexual revolution sold us a bill of goods. We haven’t been “liberated.” We’ve been duped, betrayed, and left wanting.
This is why the world is a mission field ready to soak up John Paul II’s theology of the body. And this is why it’s already changing so many lives around the world. The Pope’s teaching helps us distinguish between the real million dollar bill and the counterfeit. It helps us “untwist” our disordered desires and orients us towards the love that truly satisfies.
As this happens, we experience the Church’s teaching not as a burden imposed from “without,” but as a message of salvation welling up from “within.” We experience the truth that sets us free. In other words, we experience what the sexual revolution promised but couldn’t deliver authentic sexual liberation.
Prayer for Purity of Heart
Lord, help me to accept and receive my sexuality as a gift from you. Grant me the grace to resist the many lies that distort this divine gift and help me to live my sexuality according to the truth of self-giving love. Grant me purity of heart so that I might see the image of your glory in the beauty of others, and one day see you face to face. Amen.
Prayer for the Redemption of Sexual Desire
Lord, I praise you and thank you for the gift of my sexual desires. By the power of your death and resurrection, untwist in me what sin has twisted so that I might know and experience sexual desire as you created it to be as the desire to love freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully. Amen.
Prayer in a Moment of Temptation to Lust
Lord, thank you for the beauty of this person whom you made to be loved never to be treated as a thing for my gratification. I renounce any tendency within me to use this person for my own pleasure, and I ask you to set my desires aright. Amen.
THE AUTHOR
Christopher West teaches the theology of the body at St. John Vianney Theological Seminary in Denver and at the John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family in Melbourne, Australia. He also serves as the Theology of the Body Staff Advisor for the GIFT Foundation. He is the author of Theology of the Body for Beginners: A Basic Introduction to Pope John Paul II’s Sexual Revolution, Good News about Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching and Theology of the Body Explained: A Commentary on John Paul II’s "Gospel of the Body". Christopher West is married to Wendy and has three children. For other resources, books, CDs, DVDs, and Videos, click here. Visit his web site here. Copyright © 2005 Christopher West
And in the course of all this, we are living out the most amazing relationships with each other. One of these women, a mother of five, pregnant, and very busy, made the time to come and stay with me in the hospital this week while Annika was undergoing her operation. Last week , when Annika had fevers of 105-106 all week, the girls made us dinner. Little things like that.
We have a seminarian staying with us at the parish right now who is a huge Godsend. He and our Priest have clicked (I know they were friends before, but in such a way that they are a huge asset to the parish as a team right now) and we have been blessed to spontaneously create this small discussion group to study material that both our priest and this particular seminarian believe are the CORE teachings that will bring people into deeper union with the Church and with God’s purpose for us. What are these teachings?
They are a series of writings by Pope John Paul II written before he was pope and given at general addresses over the course of several years in the early eighties.
Twice a week, we sit down around a kitchen table with a pot of hot coffee and some quiche after mass and dig into the Theology of the Body, a compendium of these teachings.
It has been life changing, and we’ve only had two sessions so far.
The first thing that struck me was the discovery that science, religion, and philosophy were not mutually exclusive, but rather that I could begin to pick up the abandoned pieces of my college education and USE them to draw nearer to God.
Suddenly, I’m not casting aside all the things I learned in philosophy, in psychology, in art, in humanities, in anthropology, in language, and in science and math in favor of learning “God‘s ways.”
Suddenly these practices can become vehicles to help me understand the political and philosophical climate that shaped different movements in theology, and through them, I am able to better understand what TRUTH is and how God is revealed in His creation.
I could have cried the first day when he began to talk about Descartes, and Kant, and Plato and Aristotle, and when all these familiar concepts I had studied for years began to creep tentatively back into the forefront of my mind as valid concepts to ponder, rather than my usual pushing them aside in favor of “faith.”
Suddenly the last eleven years of virtual brainwashing I’d been undergoing began to unravel as I formed an understanding of what the creation account tells us about the nature of Man in a way that a thinking person, one who is able to and encouraged to use the intellect, could finally understand.
Literally, tears were coming to my eyes as I saw how for the last eleven years I have had to “dumb down” all the things which had been so precious to me growing up-- the pursuit of truth and knowledge through the arts and sciences… the glorious things which make Man, well.. Man. I had been taught that these things were not spiritual, and tried for years to forget all of it, but I never made the connection that perhaps God was smarter than we were and that a thorough study of these things could only lead us back to Him!
I think about how terrified people I know are of the concept of evolution, going as far as to take their kids out of schools that teach it. Imagine the look on my face when our seminarian said things like: “A Jesuit PRIEST came up with the idea of the big bang!”
and “the Catholic church has never been threatened by the concept of evolution.”
These things are absolutely mind boggling to me. I feel, again, so much anger wash over me and relief at the same time--- how much of my life was just WASTED that could have been spent in the pursuit of knowledge, etc, when I was just pursuing an abstract concept of faith that I didn’t even really fully understand? How much MORE faith would I have if I would have been encouraged and “allowed” to look at what the last 2000 years have taught us about God in our world?
The second thing that struck me was just how profound and deep and “meaty” Catholic theology really is. I have barely cut my teeth on the Theology of the Body and already, I’m in over my head. Concepts that are changing the way I look at EVERYTHING (or rather, changing the way I can EXPLAIN everything I already believe) are floating past me and I feel like a baby in this giant womb, grasping at molecules floating past me that I desperately need for nutrition... That I need to grow into a healthy Christian.
Third, this whole experience has really made clear to me that I do have a Carmelite calling on my life. Though JPII wasn’t a Carmelite, he had a very Carmelite way of looking at life, and I can see the influence of St John of the Cross in so much of his stuff in this tome. In learning the theology of the body, I am discovering that God has given me a contemplative “gift” which I have often tried to ignore in pursuit of “holiness” through actions I wasn’t necessarily called to. I’m also learning that the depth of Carmelite spirituality far exceeds anything I have thus far “grasped” and that it is something I am absolutely drawn to in the sense that it is already a part of who I am. I am looking forward to the next meeting and the beginning of my formation as a secular discalced Carmelite.
That’s all I have time to write on tonight, but you will be hearing more from me about the Theology of the Body, probably for the rest of my life.
I encourage every single one of you to read the following article, no matter who you are or what you are doing. Take the time. It is an article from the Catholic Education Resource Center on The TOB by Christopher West, which explains in very clear, very simple terms the rich texts and concepts of the Theology of the Body, and which will help you to see why these things are so life changing in an era of post-sexual revolution craziness, in which marriage and the body and the concept of self and our “Godlike Image” have been so mutilated by Satan that they are hardly recognizable, and from which we must turn if we want to pursue holiness on a new level which was our initial starting point. It’s like re-learning how to live before the fall. It’s like…. Learning how to live heaven on earth so that we can start now.
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What is the Theology of the Body & Why is it Changing so Many Lives?
CHRISTOPHER WEST
The sexual embrace is the foundation stone of human life. The family and, in turn, human society itself spring from this embrace. In short, as sex goes, so go marriage and the family. As marriage and the family go, so goes civilization.
“It is an illusion to think we can build a true culture of human life if we do not . . . accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true meaning and their close inter-connection.”
- John Paul II, The Gospel of Life (n. 97).
Such logic doesn’t bode well for our culture. It’s no exaggeration to say that the task of the twentieth century was to rid itself of the Christian sexual ethic. If we’re to build a “culture of life,” the task of the twenty-first century must be to reclaim it.
But the often repressive approach of previous generations of Christians (usually silence or, at most, “don’t do it”) is largely responsible for the cultural jettison of the Church’s teaching on sex. We need a “new language” to break the silence and reverse the negativity. We need a fresh theology that explains how the Christian sexual ethic far from the prudish list of prohibitions it’s assumed to be corresponds perfectly with the deepest yearnings of our hearts for love and union.
As many people are only now discovering, Pope John Paul II devoted the first major teaching project of his pontificate to developing just such a theology; he calls it a “theology of the body.” This collection of 129 short talks has already begun a “sexual counter-revolution” that’s changing lives around the world. The “fire” is spreading and in due time we can expect global repercussions.
Papal biographer George Weigel said it best when he described the theology of the body as “a kind of theological time bomb set to go off with dramatic consequences ...perhaps in the twenty-first century” (Witness to Hope, 343).
A Reply to Our Universal Questions
By focusing on the beauty of God’s plan for the union of the sexes, John Paul shifts the discussion from legalism (“How far can I go before I break the law?”) to liberty (“What’s the truth that sets me free to love?”). The truth that sets us free is salvation in Jesus Christ. It doesn’t matter what mistakes we’ve made or what sins we’ve committed. The Pope’s theology of the body wags a finger at no one. It’s a message of sexual salvation offered to one and all.
In short, through an in-depth reflection on the Scriptures, John Paul seeks to answer two of the most important, universal questions: (1) “What’s it mean to be human?” and (2) “How do I live my life in a way that brings true happiness and fulfillment?” The Pope’s teaching, therefore, isn’t just about sex and marriage. Since our creation as male and female is the “fundamental fact of human existence” (Feb 13, 1980), the theology of the body affords “the rediscovery of the meaning of the whole of existence, the meaning of life” (Oct 29, 80).
To answer the first question “What’s it mean to be human?” the Pope follows Christ invitation to reflect on the three different “stages” of the human experience of sex and the body: in our origin before sin (see Mt 19:3-8); in our history darkened by sin yet redeemed in Christ (see Mt 5:27-28); and in our destiny when God will raise our bodies in glory (see Mt 22:23-33).
In response to the second question “How do I live my life?” John Paul applies his distinctive “Christian humanism” to the vocations of celibacy and marriage. He then concludes by demonstrating how his study provides a new, winning explanation of Church teaching on sexual morality.
We’ll look briefly at each of these different sections of the Pope’s teaching. Of course, in a short introduction such as this, we’re only scratching the surface of the Pope’s profound insights (see resource section to learn more). We’ll begin with his main idea.
Why is the Body a “Theology”?
According to John Paul II, God created the body as a “sign” of his own divine mystery. This is why he speaks of the body as a “theology,” a study of God.
We can’t see God. As pure Spirit, he’s invisible. Yet Christianity is the religion of God’s self-disclosure. In Christ, “God has revealed his innermost secret: God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange” (CCC, n. 221). Somehow the human body makes this eternal mystery of love visible.
How? Specifically through the beauty of sexual difference and our call to union. God designed the union of the sexes as a “created version” of his own “eternal exchange of love.” And right from the beginning, the union of man and woman foreshadows our eternal destiny of union with Christ. As St. Paul says, the “one flesh” union is “a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:31-32).
The Bible uses spousal love more than any other image to help us understand God’s eternal plan for humanity. God’s wants to “marry” us (see Hos 2:19) to live with us in an “eternal exchange of love.” And he wanted this great “marital plan” to be so plain to us, so obvious to us that he impressed an image of it in our very being by creating us male and female and calling us to communion in “one flesh.”
Thus, in a dramatic development of Catholic thought, John Paul concludes that we image God not only as individuals, “but also through the communion ...which man and woman form right from the beginning.” And, the Pope adds, “On all of this, right from ‘the beginning,’ there descended the blessing of fertility” (Nov 14, 1979). The original vocation to be “fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28), then, is nothing but a call live in the image in which we’re made to love as God loves.
Of course, this doesn’t mean God is “sexual.” We use spousal love only as an analogy to help us understand something of the divine mystery (see CCC, n. 370). God’s “mystery remains transcendent in regard to this analogy as in regard to any other analogy” (Sep. 29, 1982). At the same time, however, the Pope says that there “is no other human reality which corresponds more, humanly speaking, to that divine mystery” (Dec. 30, 1988).
The Original Experience of the Body & Sex
We tend to think the “war” between the sexes is normal. In his discussion with the Pharisees, Jesus points out that “from the beginning it was not so” (Mt 19:8). Before sin, man and woman experienced their union as a participation in God’s eternal love. This is the model for us all, and although we’ve fallen from this, Christ gives us real power to reclaim it.
The biblical creation stories use symbolic language to help us understand deep truths about ourselves. For example, the Pope observes that their original unity flows from the human being’s experience of solitude. At first the man was “alone” (see Gen 2:18). Among the animals there was no “helper fit for him” (Gen 2:20). It’s on the basis of this “solitude” an experience common to male and female that we experience our longing for union.
The point is that human sexual union differs radically from the mating of animals. If they were the same, Adam would have found plenty of “helpers” among the animals. But in naming the animals he realized he was different; he alone was a person called to love with his body in God’s image. Upon sight of the woman the man immediately declares: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). That’s to say, “Finally, a person I can love.”
How did he know that she too was a person called to love? Her naked body revealed the mystery! For the pure of heart, nakedness reveals what John Paul calls “the nuptial meaning of the body.” This is the body’s “capacity of expressing love: that love precisely in which the person becomes a gift and by means of this gift fulfills the very meaning of his being and existence” (Jan 16, 1980).
Yes, the Pope says if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning of life. What is it? Jesus reveals it when he says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (Jn 15:12). How did Jesus love us? “This is my body which is given for you” (Lk 22:19). God created sexual desire as the power to love as he loves. And this is how the first couple experienced it. Hence, they “were both naked, and were not ashamed” (Gen 2:25).
There’s no shame in love; “perfect love casts out fear” (1 Jn 4:18). Living in complete accord with the nuptial meaning of their bodies, they saw and knew each other “with all the peace of the interior gaze, which createsB the fullness of the intimacy of persons” (Jan 2, 1980).
The Historical Experience of the Body & Sex
Original sin caused the “death” of divine love in the human heart. The entrance of shame indicates the dawn of lust, of erotic desire void of God’s love. Men and women of history now tend to seek “the sensation of sexuality” apart from the true gift of themselves, apart from authentic love.
We cover our bodies not because they’re bad, but to protect their inherent goodness from the degradation of lust. Since we know we’re made for love, we feel instinctively “threatened” not only by overt lustful behavior, but even by a “lustful look.”
Christ’s words are severe in this regard. He insists that if we look lustfully at others, we’ve already committed adultery in our hearts (see Mt 5:28). John Paul poses the question: “Are we to fear the severity of these words, or rather have confidence in their salvific ...power?” (Oct 8, 1980). These words have power to save us because the man who utters them is “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world” (Jn 1:29).
Christ didn’t die and rise from the dead merely to give us coping mechanisms for sin. “Jesus came to restore creation to the purity of its origins” (CCC, n. 2336). As we open ourselves to the work of redemption, Christ’s death and resurrection effectively “liberate our liberty from the domination of lust” as John Paul expresses it (March 1, 1984).
On this side of heaven, we’ll always be able to recognize a battle in our hearts between love and lust. Even so, John Paul insists that “the redemption of the body” (see Ro 8:23) is already at work in men and women of history. This means as we allow our lusts to be “crucified with Christ” (see Gal 5:24) we can progressively rediscover in what is erotic that original “nuptial meaning of the body” and live it. This “liberation from lust” and the freedom it affords is, in fact, “the condition of all life together in truth” (Oct 8, 1980).
The Ultimate Experience of the Body & Sex
What about our experience of the body in the resurrection? Didn’t Christ say we’ll no longer be given in marriage when we rise from the dead (see Mt 22:30)? Yes, but this doesn’t mean our longing for union will be done away with. It means it will be fulfilled. As a sacrament, marriage is only on earthly sign of the heavenly reality. We no longer need signs to point us to heaven, when we’re in heaven. The “marriage of the Lamb” (Rev 19:7) the union of love we all desire will be eternally consummated.
“For man, this consummation will be the final realization of the unity of the human race, which God willed from creation. ...Those who are united with Christ will form the community of the redeemed, ‘the holy city’ of God, ‘the Bride, the wife of the Lamb’” (CCC, n. 1045). This eternal reality is what the “one flesh” union foreshadows from the beginning (see Eph 5:31-32).
Hence, in the resurrection of the body we rediscover in an eternal dimension the same nuptial meaning of the body in the meeting with the mystery of the living God face to face (see Dec 9, 1981). “This will be a completely new experience,” the Pope says beyond anything we can imagine. Yet “it will not be alienated in any way from what man took part in from ‘the beginning,’ nor from [what concerns] the procreative meaning of the body and of sex” (Jan 13, 1982).
The Christian Vocations
By looking at “who we are” in our origin, history, and destiny, we open the door to a proper understanding of the Christian vocations of celibacy and marriage. Both vocations are an authentic “living out” of the most profound truth of who we are as male and female.
When lived authentically, Christian celibacy isn’t a rejection of sexuality and our call to union. It actually points to their ultimate fulfillment. Those who sacrifice marriage “for the sake of the kingdom” (Mt 19:12) do so in order to devote all of their energies and desires to the marriage that alone can satisfy the marriage of Christ and the Church. In a way, they’re “skipping” the sacrament (the earthly sign) in anticipation of the ultimate reality. By doing so, celibate men and women declare to the world that the kingdom of God is here (see Mt 12:28).
In a different way, marriage also anticipates heaven. “In the joys of their love [God gives spouses] here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb” (CCC, n. 1642). Why, then, do so many couples experience marriage as a “living hell”? In order for marriage to bring the happiness it’s meant to, spouses must live it as God intended “from the beginning.” This means they must contend diligently with the effects of sin.
Marriage doesn’t justify lust. As a sacrament, marriage is meant to symbolize the union of Christ and the Church (see Eph 5:31-32). The body has a “language” that’s meant to express God’s free, total, faithful, and fruitful love. This is exactly what spouses commit to at the altar. “Have you come here freely?” the priest asks, “to give yourselves to each other without reservation? Do you promise to be faithful until death? Do you promise to receive children lovingly form God?” Bride and groom say “yes.”
In turn, spouses are meant to express this same “yes” with their bodies whenever they become one flesh. “Indeed the very words ‘I take you to be my wife my husband,’” the Pope says, “can be fulfilled only by means of conjugal intercourse” (Jan 5, 1983). Sexual union is meant to be the renewal of wedding vows!
A New Context for Understanding Sexual Morality
The Church’s sexual ethic begins to make sense when viewed through this lens. It’s not a prudish list of prohibitions. It’s a call to embrace our own “greatness,” our own God-like dignity. It’s a call to live the love we’re created for.
Since a prophet is one who proclaims God’s love, John Paul II describes the body and sexual union as “prophetic.” But, he adds, we must be careful to distinguish between true and false prophets. If we can speak the truth with our bodies, we can also speak lies. Ultimately all questions of sexual morality come down to one simple question: Does this truly image God’s free, total, faithful, fruitful love or does it not?
In practical terms, how healthy would a marriage be if spouses were regularly unfaithful to their wedding vows? On the other hand, how healthy would a marriage be if spouses regularly renewed their vows, expressing an ever-increasing commitment to them? This is what’s at stake in the Church’s teaching on sexual morality.
Masturbation, fornication, adultery, intentionally sterilized sex, homosexual acts, etc. none of these image God’s free, total, faithful, and fruitful love. None of these behaviors express and renew wedding vows. They aren’t marital. Does this mean people who behave in such ways are “inherently evil?” No. They’re just confused about how to satisfy their genuine desires for love.
If I offered you a million dollar bill and a counterfeit million dollar bill, which would you prefer? Dumb question, I know. But what if you were raised in a culture that incessantly bombarded you with propaganda convincing you that counterfeit was the real thing and the real thing was a counterfeit? Might you be a little confused?
Authentic Sexual Liberation
Why all the propaganda? If there’s an enemy that wants to keep us from heaven, and if the body and sex is meant to point us there, what do you think he’s going to attack? Sin’s tactic is to “twist” and “disorient” our desire for the eternal embrace. That’s all it can do. When we understand this, we realize that the sexual confusion so prevalent in our world and in our own hearts is nothing but the human desire for heaven gone berserk.
But the tide is changing. People can only put up with the counterfeits for so long. Not only do they fail to satisfy, they wound us terribly. Sadly, the truth of the Church’s teaching on sex is confirmed in the wounds of those who haven’t lived it. Our longings for love, intimacy, and freedom are good. But the sexual revolution sold us a bill of goods. We haven’t been “liberated.” We’ve been duped, betrayed, and left wanting.
This is why the world is a mission field ready to soak up John Paul II’s theology of the body. And this is why it’s already changing so many lives around the world. The Pope’s teaching helps us distinguish between the real million dollar bill and the counterfeit. It helps us “untwist” our disordered desires and orients us towards the love that truly satisfies.
As this happens, we experience the Church’s teaching not as a burden imposed from “without,” but as a message of salvation welling up from “within.” We experience the truth that sets us free. In other words, we experience what the sexual revolution promised but couldn’t deliver authentic sexual liberation.
Prayer for Purity of Heart
Lord, help me to accept and receive my sexuality as a gift from you. Grant me the grace to resist the many lies that distort this divine gift and help me to live my sexuality according to the truth of self-giving love. Grant me purity of heart so that I might see the image of your glory in the beauty of others, and one day see you face to face. Amen.
Prayer for the Redemption of Sexual Desire
Lord, I praise you and thank you for the gift of my sexual desires. By the power of your death and resurrection, untwist in me what sin has twisted so that I might know and experience sexual desire as you created it to be as the desire to love freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully. Amen.
Prayer in a Moment of Temptation to Lust
Lord, thank you for the beauty of this person whom you made to be loved never to be treated as a thing for my gratification. I renounce any tendency within me to use this person for my own pleasure, and I ask you to set my desires aright. Amen.
THE AUTHOR
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Thursday, June 26, 2008
The definitive
As promised, here is the "Definitive" Why I Came Home to Rome Blog.
The very first thing I’m going to address is this: As we’ve discovered, I didn’t come back to the Catholic Church because I thought it was a "valid expression of Christianity in which I felt called to worship." I did not come back to the RCC because I thought it was a "Church I enjoyed" or "felt called to." I came back to the Catholic Church and full communion with it because I came to realize that what the Church was teaching was THE Truth with a capital T.
In other words:
(A) PROTESTANTS: The Church is every one who believes in the Lord Jesus regardless of their denomination. The sole authority of God left in the world is Holy Scripture.
(B) CATHOLICS: The Church is THE institution set up by Christ Himself and the source of sole authority, one expression of which is Holy Scripture which we received THROUGH the Church. People who are not Catholic with a Capital C but who believe in and love the Lord Jesus are "Seperated bretheren." Believers who are not under proper authority, but believers nonetheless.
I used to believe A, but now I believe B. That’s the ONLY area in which my doctrinal beliefs have changed monumentally. This came about through a series of doctrinal "changes" which were not actually changed…. but deepened.
I’m going to explain that in a second. The most important thing here to explain is that to me, B is a more theologically accurate and complete way of looking at A. I do not deny that the Bible contains everything we need for life and godliness. What I am denying is that that’s ALL THERE IS. The ultimate source of truth is the Holy Spirit, who lives in the Church, and when we are under proper authority we come to understand how the Holy Spirit operates with everything in that "proper order."
Authority isn’t a popular word, but I know that my protestant sisters who read this blog understand it conceptually because it’s a biblical term: the part that gets sort of confusing, as a protestant, is where you authority lies. As a woman, is it your husband or father? Is it your pastor? Your elders? Your bishop? Etc etc etc. When you have a problem with the authority you are under, and you get up and start a new church, how do you find someone to be your new authority? (I realize there are vast and varied answers to this question, but I will try to keep this blog to what I believe as opposed to what else there is out there.
The protestant model of "church" poses are REAL problem for those of us who believe that Christians are called to unity. Were we all organized enough, dialogues could be arranged between protestant leaders for the purpose of unity. I suspect everyone would agree that unity is crucial , but I also suspect that when it comes down to it, Pentecostals wouldn’t stop speaking in tongues and Lutherans wouldn’t stop singing from a hymnal. Does it matter in the end? Not if we all get into heaven, but wouldn’t that render our time on earth meaningless?
These issues seem like they don’t matter, but they do… because we are talking about worshipping God. And Worship is something God has a lot to say about. Not only that, but we are talking about TIME. Time that is essentially wasted if this stuff doesn’t matter.
I once heard Michael Cumbie, a former pentacostal pastor, speak on the six substitutes for worship prevalent in the protestant churches. Worship, he said, is a verb. It isn’t something done TO us, or FOR us, but BY us. In Today’s protestant world, we will find every manner of worship under the sun…from house churches to mega churches to churches that meet in bars. But ALL Of them operate under one of these six substitutes.
In and of themselves, he said, these "Substitutes" were not bad-- they were a part of true worship. But we needed ALL the elements and we needed them to be united in order to have authentic worship.
The six substitutes were:
The Lecture hall (we come and take notes, the sermon is front and center)
THE Evangelistic Tent (crusader mentality: come and get saved!)
THE Psychiatric Couch (Thinks in terms of human pain and our dealings with it)
THE Television Set (Let us entertain you!)
( I can’t remember the last two but I will add them in a comment once I get the chance to see the clip again)
All of these combined served elements of true, biblical worship, but alone, were not the whole picture. Alone, they were lacking. He made the point that protestant worship pastors never looked at Roman Catholicism to see what Catholics do because they don’t consider what Catholic DO as worship! When you walk into a Christian bookstore, you will usually find books on Roman Catholicism in the section on CULTS, right next to Mormons and Jdubs. (Never mind that they had been doing it for 1500 years before protestant worship showed up!) The fact was, he said, that liturgical worship incorporates all of these elements. Roman Catholic worship includes ALL the elements of worship and none of the substitutes.
I have always been frustrated by this because in my thinking, we need to at least acknowledge that the RCC is where we CAME FROM.
Most protestants I know who do acknowledge this will say… it’s where we came from but it’s dead now. It’s not what God is DOING NOW. It’s our past. Our heritage. And God’s not working there any longer. The thing that peeves me the MOST about this thinking is when people say Catholic worship isn’t scriptural.
Every architectural, every liturgical element of Catholic worship, from the altar to the tabernacle to the vestments to the windows and everything in between is directly from scripture. Every response, every thing we say and pray, is directly from scripture. Walking into a Catholic worship setting should remind every good bible believer of Johns’ Vision in Revelations 4+5.
Again, I’m quoting Michael Cumbie (can you tell I love his stuff??) here: Catholics don’t come to church to "Get a blessing." They don’t go there to be entertained or get goosebumps (although I get both!) -- they do it out of a sense of obligation to say THANK YOU and remember the Lord. Every day. Catholics are a Eucharistic people. Our lives are centered around the Eucharist (Communion) and because of that we are reminded that Eucharist MEANS "thank you."
Psalm 22:3 tells us that God inhabit’s the BREAD and the CUP… the tehellel euchela. The Eucharist. There is our blessing, in saying thank you each day.
Because of the Eucharist, God is more present and more active in my life than He ever was before. So how can he be "absent" from the Catholic faith if the Catholics are the only ones who get the Eucharist right?
And that’s where you and I are parting ways, because the way I see it now, God never LEFT. His Word is never empty, it does not return void. He never stopped working in the Catholic Church, because He promised in His Word that the church (And not scripture!) would be the pillar of truth in and that the gates of hell would not prevail against it.
I LEFT. I gave up on Him because I didn’t realize that He wanted to inhabit my heart. I learned that in a protestant church, but it’s a Catholic teaching. And now that personal relationship coupled with 2000 years of SACRED tradition has added more depth to my life than 6000 years of relationship with no authority ever could.
There are five major areas in which protestants and catholics differ in their understanding. This blog will examine those five areas and put forward what I came up with as I studied each question.
Because they build on each other, I will address each of them directly. Because I’ve already blogged extensively about most of them, I will keep them as simple as I can. These topics are very sensitive, I know, so I will really just touch on the top reasons why I’m OK with Catholic doctrine in those areas.
Under each heading I will provide a brief synopsis of Catholic theology on the matter and a link to an article which explains it more in depth. (I’m so sorry not to be more thorough, but I’ve got very little time to write today and this blog is already insanely long.)
PURGATORY:
Purgatory is not a place, but a state of being. The Catholic church’s teaching on purgatory is as simple as: sanctification. The only difference being that the RCC teaches that sanctification starts on earth, and MIGHT have to continue once you have died BEFORE you may enter heaven. Why? Because there is biblical evidence of prayers for the dead, which would serve no purpose if this were true. The word purgatory is found in the bible exactly as many times as the word TRINITY, and yet we all believe in that. We all believe in sanctification, but protestants have no answer as to how and why people like Hitler theoretically repenting on his deathbed and people like Mother Theresa dying would go to through the exact same experience at death. Basically, it makes no sense unless purgatory IS real.
More from This Rock on Purgatory.
MARY:
Mary is the mother of God, not the mother of Christ, because I believe in the trinity. Read it again. Everything after that should make sense.
Biblical evidence for Mary’s role as Queen of Heaven can be found in Rev 12:1, for starters, but also in the account of the Ark of the Covenant, in the OT. She is the NT ark of the covenant… bearing God to us. She is a created being, given the GRACE to fulfill her purpose, and biblically given to us as our Mother by Jesus Himself at the cross.
Wayne’s blog, inclusion, about Mary is the best way to describe most of this.
THE POPE
St Paul and St Peter were both killed in the same year in Rome. Paul went to Jerusalem to seek the blessing of Peter at the outset of his ministry. When they were both in Rome together, (though they were equals, he was the first among equals) there was a hierarchy there. And that’s how it was passed down-- apostolic authority. There is nothing apostolic about Protestant churches, try as they might to to create it.
Mormons say a lot of things I don’t agree with, as we know, but they do get one thing right: in scripture, wherever there has been no prophet, the people have lost their way. They fall into heresy. The people of God need a pastor, a prophet, a priest, a protector, and in order to be unified they need one that will unite them in truth.
Again, Roman Catholics have that in the Holy Father, who is, as I said above, the first among equals--- and the single most important sign of unity.
THE SAINTS:
IF Catholic beliefs on purgatory etc are real, then it follows that we have a "Great cloud of witnesses" who have gone before and are in heaven, interceding for us now. As such, we connect with these people and ask for their intercession, just as we would ask for a friend we "know hears from God" to pray. We have relics (things that belonged to the saint) because in the bible, objects that touched the saints had the power to heal people.
THE REAL PRESENCE:
Read John Chapter 6. Twice. And let your eyes be opened!
More.
Hopefully, that covers the main stuff.
The basic thing about Catholicism is this: if you can at least admit that Catholics CAN make a biblical case that is reasonable for whatever practice you find offensive or ungodly, then that’s a start.
The second step, then, is to see what the early Church fathers believed-- those who were disciples of the apostles, etc. What doctrinal things did they believe? You will find that the earliest Christians are documented extensively as believing these Catholic doctrines.
There is nothing richer, nothing more freeing for me, than realizing that Catholic doctrines are truth. All of a sudden every tired bone in my body has been revived with faith that will move mountains. Every single thing that had me… on edge.. About the state of Christianity today is suddenly evaporated and in it’s place I’m discovering the depth of Christian theology that is really INTELLIGENT--- I’m discovering that I don’t have to put aside philosophy, and science, and my intellect in order to be a Christian because the two are not diametrically opposed. I’m discovering that there is a depth and richness to my Christian heritage that I never even dreamed of… and that, in itself, makes me want to glorify God more and appreciate so much more the depth of His own character and His tender love for his creation.
It’s been the most amazing experience of my life.
The very first thing I’m going to address is this: As we’ve discovered, I didn’t come back to the Catholic Church because I thought it was a "valid expression of Christianity in which I felt called to worship." I did not come back to the RCC because I thought it was a "Church I enjoyed" or "felt called to." I came back to the Catholic Church and full communion with it because I came to realize that what the Church was teaching was THE Truth with a capital T.
In other words:
(A) PROTESTANTS: The Church is every one who believes in the Lord Jesus regardless of their denomination. The sole authority of God left in the world is Holy Scripture.
(B) CATHOLICS: The Church is THE institution set up by Christ Himself and the source of sole authority, one expression of which is Holy Scripture which we received THROUGH the Church. People who are not Catholic with a Capital C but who believe in and love the Lord Jesus are "Seperated bretheren." Believers who are not under proper authority, but believers nonetheless.
I used to believe A, but now I believe B. That’s the ONLY area in which my doctrinal beliefs have changed monumentally. This came about through a series of doctrinal "changes" which were not actually changed…. but deepened.
I’m going to explain that in a second. The most important thing here to explain is that to me, B is a more theologically accurate and complete way of looking at A. I do not deny that the Bible contains everything we need for life and godliness. What I am denying is that that’s ALL THERE IS. The ultimate source of truth is the Holy Spirit, who lives in the Church, and when we are under proper authority we come to understand how the Holy Spirit operates with everything in that "proper order."
Authority isn’t a popular word, but I know that my protestant sisters who read this blog understand it conceptually because it’s a biblical term: the part that gets sort of confusing, as a protestant, is where you authority lies. As a woman, is it your husband or father? Is it your pastor? Your elders? Your bishop? Etc etc etc. When you have a problem with the authority you are under, and you get up and start a new church, how do you find someone to be your new authority? (I realize there are vast and varied answers to this question, but I will try to keep this blog to what I believe as opposed to what else there is out there.
The protestant model of "church" poses are REAL problem for those of us who believe that Christians are called to unity. Were we all organized enough, dialogues could be arranged between protestant leaders for the purpose of unity. I suspect everyone would agree that unity is crucial , but I also suspect that when it comes down to it, Pentecostals wouldn’t stop speaking in tongues and Lutherans wouldn’t stop singing from a hymnal. Does it matter in the end? Not if we all get into heaven, but wouldn’t that render our time on earth meaningless?
These issues seem like they don’t matter, but they do… because we are talking about worshipping God. And Worship is something God has a lot to say about. Not only that, but we are talking about TIME. Time that is essentially wasted if this stuff doesn’t matter.
I once heard Michael Cumbie, a former pentacostal pastor, speak on the six substitutes for worship prevalent in the protestant churches. Worship, he said, is a verb. It isn’t something done TO us, or FOR us, but BY us. In Today’s protestant world, we will find every manner of worship under the sun…from house churches to mega churches to churches that meet in bars. But ALL Of them operate under one of these six substitutes.
In and of themselves, he said, these "Substitutes" were not bad-- they were a part of true worship. But we needed ALL the elements and we needed them to be united in order to have authentic worship.
The six substitutes were:
The Lecture hall (we come and take notes, the sermon is front and center)
THE Evangelistic Tent (crusader mentality: come and get saved!)
THE Psychiatric Couch (Thinks in terms of human pain and our dealings with it)
THE Television Set (Let us entertain you!)
( I can’t remember the last two but I will add them in a comment once I get the chance to see the clip again)
All of these combined served elements of true, biblical worship, but alone, were not the whole picture. Alone, they were lacking. He made the point that protestant worship pastors never looked at Roman Catholicism to see what Catholics do because they don’t consider what Catholic DO as worship! When you walk into a Christian bookstore, you will usually find books on Roman Catholicism in the section on CULTS, right next to Mormons and Jdubs. (Never mind that they had been doing it for 1500 years before protestant worship showed up!) The fact was, he said, that liturgical worship incorporates all of these elements. Roman Catholic worship includes ALL the elements of worship and none of the substitutes.
I have always been frustrated by this because in my thinking, we need to at least acknowledge that the RCC is where we CAME FROM.
Most protestants I know who do acknowledge this will say… it’s where we came from but it’s dead now. It’s not what God is DOING NOW. It’s our past. Our heritage. And God’s not working there any longer. The thing that peeves me the MOST about this thinking is when people say Catholic worship isn’t scriptural.
Every architectural, every liturgical element of Catholic worship, from the altar to the tabernacle to the vestments to the windows and everything in between is directly from scripture. Every response, every thing we say and pray, is directly from scripture. Walking into a Catholic worship setting should remind every good bible believer of Johns’ Vision in Revelations 4+5.
Again, I’m quoting Michael Cumbie (can you tell I love his stuff??) here: Catholics don’t come to church to "Get a blessing." They don’t go there to be entertained or get goosebumps (although I get both!) -- they do it out of a sense of obligation to say THANK YOU and remember the Lord. Every day. Catholics are a Eucharistic people. Our lives are centered around the Eucharist (Communion) and because of that we are reminded that Eucharist MEANS "thank you."
Psalm 22:3 tells us that God inhabit’s the BREAD and the CUP… the tehellel euchela. The Eucharist. There is our blessing, in saying thank you each day.
Because of the Eucharist, God is more present and more active in my life than He ever was before. So how can he be "absent" from the Catholic faith if the Catholics are the only ones who get the Eucharist right?
And that’s where you and I are parting ways, because the way I see it now, God never LEFT. His Word is never empty, it does not return void. He never stopped working in the Catholic Church, because He promised in His Word that the church (And not scripture!) would be the pillar of truth in and that the gates of hell would not prevail against it.
I LEFT. I gave up on Him because I didn’t realize that He wanted to inhabit my heart. I learned that in a protestant church, but it’s a Catholic teaching. And now that personal relationship coupled with 2000 years of SACRED tradition has added more depth to my life than 6000 years of relationship with no authority ever could.
There are five major areas in which protestants and catholics differ in their understanding. This blog will examine those five areas and put forward what I came up with as I studied each question.
Because they build on each other, I will address each of them directly. Because I’ve already blogged extensively about most of them, I will keep them as simple as I can. These topics are very sensitive, I know, so I will really just touch on the top reasons why I’m OK with Catholic doctrine in those areas.
Under each heading I will provide a brief synopsis of Catholic theology on the matter and a link to an article which explains it more in depth. (I’m so sorry not to be more thorough, but I’ve got very little time to write today and this blog is already insanely long.)
PURGATORY:
Purgatory is not a place, but a state of being. The Catholic church’s teaching on purgatory is as simple as: sanctification. The only difference being that the RCC teaches that sanctification starts on earth, and MIGHT have to continue once you have died BEFORE you may enter heaven. Why? Because there is biblical evidence of prayers for the dead, which would serve no purpose if this were true. The word purgatory is found in the bible exactly as many times as the word TRINITY, and yet we all believe in that. We all believe in sanctification, but protestants have no answer as to how and why people like Hitler theoretically repenting on his deathbed and people like Mother Theresa dying would go to through the exact same experience at death. Basically, it makes no sense unless purgatory IS real.
More from This Rock on Purgatory.
MARY:
Mary is the mother of God, not the mother of Christ, because I believe in the trinity. Read it again. Everything after that should make sense.
Biblical evidence for Mary’s role as Queen of Heaven can be found in Rev 12:1, for starters, but also in the account of the Ark of the Covenant, in the OT. She is the NT ark of the covenant… bearing God to us. She is a created being, given the GRACE to fulfill her purpose, and biblically given to us as our Mother by Jesus Himself at the cross.
Wayne’s blog, inclusion, about Mary is the best way to describe most of this.
THE POPE
St Paul and St Peter were both killed in the same year in Rome. Paul went to Jerusalem to seek the blessing of Peter at the outset of his ministry. When they were both in Rome together, (though they were equals, he was the first among equals) there was a hierarchy there. And that’s how it was passed down-- apostolic authority. There is nothing apostolic about Protestant churches, try as they might to to create it.
Mormons say a lot of things I don’t agree with, as we know, but they do get one thing right: in scripture, wherever there has been no prophet, the people have lost their way. They fall into heresy. The people of God need a pastor, a prophet, a priest, a protector, and in order to be unified they need one that will unite them in truth.
Again, Roman Catholics have that in the Holy Father, who is, as I said above, the first among equals--- and the single most important sign of unity.
THE SAINTS:
IF Catholic beliefs on purgatory etc are real, then it follows that we have a "Great cloud of witnesses" who have gone before and are in heaven, interceding for us now. As such, we connect with these people and ask for their intercession, just as we would ask for a friend we "know hears from God" to pray. We have relics (things that belonged to the saint) because in the bible, objects that touched the saints had the power to heal people.
THE REAL PRESENCE:
Read John Chapter 6. Twice. And let your eyes be opened!
More.
Hopefully, that covers the main stuff.
The basic thing about Catholicism is this: if you can at least admit that Catholics CAN make a biblical case that is reasonable for whatever practice you find offensive or ungodly, then that’s a start.
The second step, then, is to see what the early Church fathers believed-- those who were disciples of the apostles, etc. What doctrinal things did they believe? You will find that the earliest Christians are documented extensively as believing these Catholic doctrines.
There is nothing richer, nothing more freeing for me, than realizing that Catholic doctrines are truth. All of a sudden every tired bone in my body has been revived with faith that will move mountains. Every single thing that had me… on edge.. About the state of Christianity today is suddenly evaporated and in it’s place I’m discovering the depth of Christian theology that is really INTELLIGENT--- I’m discovering that I don’t have to put aside philosophy, and science, and my intellect in order to be a Christian because the two are not diametrically opposed. I’m discovering that there is a depth and richness to my Christian heritage that I never even dreamed of… and that, in itself, makes me want to glorify God more and appreciate so much more the depth of His own character and His tender love for his creation.
It’s been the most amazing experience of my life.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Choose the right
Ever since hearing it for the first time, I have been totally moved by this quote from Mother Theresa:
“If you knew everyone’s story, you would love the whole world.”
I have tried to remember it time and again when my patience was being tried with people in the R&P or in Ravelry or some other internet forum, where the disconnect seemed so vast that I felt sure I would never be able to demonstrate love for the person, let alone FEEL it in my heart.
In reading the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families,” (For those of you who missed my blog on it-- GO and get this book! It’s absolutely amazing!) I noticed that one major point Covey made with regards to our “proactivity” vs. our reactivity (the idea that one has the capability, as a human, to choose how to respond to stimulus) is wrapped up in one simple sentence: No one will ever know your WHOLE story.
My heart stopped upon this sentence and I can’t seem to let it go because it is affecting everything I do. Even if you’ve been reading this blog for ten minutes, you know that I’ve always said that we CHOOSE to be offended, and that I firmly stand by that. When I allow someone else’s discomfort with where I’m at or what I’m doing to literally “offend” me, I know that I have gotten to a place where I am out of control of my emotions. I don’t have to LIKE what someone thinks about what I’m doing or saying, but I certainly don’t have to let them choose what I think or feel or say. Likewise, when I have done everything I can to be gracious and to bring “the truth in love,” there is sometimes nothing I can do if another chooses to be offended. The responsibility is on the communicator to make sure s/he is being understood, but if all attempts have been made to “Speak the same language,” then that’s really the impasse you have to reach.
My two year old demonstrated this quite well at our Saturday afternoon BBQ. We were over at my brother’s house, enjoying one of their typical Army family weekend cookouts, with couples and neighbor children and dogs all over the place. There were about five young boys, Annika’s age, around. We weren’t there for five minutes when Annika went over to one of the boys, a four year old, and aggressively made known that SHE was going to be playing with a certain toy and he could wait. I told her she needed to learn to share with him, and she gleefully took the toy from him and said, wagging her finger: “yeah! You share!”
From that moment, he ran to his mother and began relating, through big, thick tears, that she was “hurting my feelings! She’s being mean and making me really grumpy grumpy! Why is she being so mean to me??”
He wailed, and Annika, totally oblivious went on to the next boy, who she also made cry.
Interestingly, the first boys’ mother told him: “Remember what we talked about? You don’t have to let her make you upset. You can CHOOSE if you want to let her hurt your feelings. She probably didn’t know how important that was to you.”
Good advice, mom!
I admit, I initially cringed that this four year old boy, no less, was so in touch with his “feelings” as to describe them in great detail to us over and over. But I admired his mother’s response-- choose your response. Be proactive, instead of reactive. While I probably would have added the exhortation to get over it and find a different toy, (move ON!) I had to admit she was giving him some really meaty stuff to chew on and helping him to learn it right off the bat.
Anyways, all this to say that as Liza pointed out to me from reading my blogs for the first time, I do spend a great deal of time “justifying myself” to others.
I WANT people to know that it is God who has led me here and not my own feelings and emotions, that I really believe I’m reading my Bible clearly for the first time and that my theology is getting stronger instead of weaker. I want people to know that… but why? If I am sure that I’m in the right place, and Wayne is sure that I’m in the right place, then ultimately, what does it matter?
I think, upon examining this, that I do have a great evangelistic zeal that I’ve always had. I’m passionate about God, so when I learn something from Him I fervently share it with the world--- and that has always been one of my motivations. With that in mind, I’m going to write, in my next blog, one hopefully final “apologetic examination” of the Catholic Faith based on the five areas of dissent protestants have with it. The reason I’m doing this is that a dear friend has asked me for some answers, and instead of pointing her to twenty different blogs and a variety of links, I would rather put it all in one place and be able to point at it when people ask. I am not doing this to convince YOU, but rather to be able to order my thoughts about how and why I came to believe that the true church IS the Catholic Church, and that the true Faith IS the Catholic Faith. So, if you are sick of hearing it on this blog, then skip the next one J Otherwise, read on. But I hope, even if you ARE sick of hearing it, that you do read it, because I would like, once and for all, to answer all those questions which so greatly worry some of the people I hold dearest to me!
In other news, the most interesting thing happened to me yesterday! I blogged yesterday on this bizarre experience that I keep having at the moment of receiving communion-- this heart pounding, nearly out-of-body experience that really throws me for a loop.
A Carmelite friend of mine responded and assured me that it was not only normal, but a good sign, which greatly encouraged me, because it has been the source of much confusion as of late. It is not a BAD experience. But it’s very…. Intense. And something I am not able to really control, which is unusual.
Last night, before bed, I sat down to prepare for my next Carmelite meeting by reading from a book of meditations on the Eucharist by various Carmelite Saints and modern day believers. I enjoyed all of them, but none so much as when I came across the stories of St Mary Magdelene of Pazzi!!!! Wow! I had never heard of this amazing saint, but feel as though I know her already!
My spiritual “ears” picked up immediately as she described the feeling, as she went up to communion for which she longed day and night, of being certain that the ground would open up and swallow her whole as she waited to receive. This woman loved the Blessed Sacrament so much that she would literally do everything in her day in anticipation of receiving it. I can totally relate to that!!
In her ecstasies, she was able to SEE Jesus in the hearts of her Carmelite sisters who had just received communion… sometimes He was in the form of a little baby. Sometimes a man of 33. Sometimes on the cross, crucified.
NewAdvent.Org describes some of her spiritual ecstasies:
First, these raptures sometimes seized upon her whole being with such force as to compel her to rapid motion (e.g. towards some sacred object).
Secondly, she was frequently able, whilst in ecstasy, to carry on work belonging to her office--e.g., embroidery, painting, etc.--with perfect composure and efficiency.
Thirdly--and this is the point of chief importance--it was whilst in her states of rapture that St. Mary Magdalen de' Pazzi gave utterance to those wonderful maxims of Divine Love, and those counsels of perfection for souls, especially in the religious state, which a modern editor of a selection of them declares to be "more frequently quoted by spiritual writers than those even of St. Teresa". These utterances have been preserved to us by the saint's companions, who (unknown to her) took them down from her lips as she poured them forth. She spoke sometimes as of herself, and sometimes as themouthpiece of one or other of the Persons of the Blessed Trinity. These maxims of the saint are sometimes described as her "Works", although she wrote down none of them herself.
Most importantly, and what I loved best, was that her worldy “usefulness” was never interfered in by her ecstatic state-- she was constantly able to, for example, knit AND pray. She was miraculously able to “read” people (protestants call that the gift of Word of Wisdom or Word of Knowledge, depending) and could bi-locate, which allowed her to ‘meet’ with St Catherine De Ricci, having never really “met” her in the natural. She was nearly always sick, but bore her illness with such joy that she was an encouragement to everyone she met. She was on the point of death when she was professed a Carmelite. Satan was busy as can be attacking her, but she bore it all with extreme patience and true joy in her spirit.
Like her Dominican “friend” Catherine De Ricci, Mary Magdelene De Pazzi was a stigmatic-- she received the wounds of Christ.
I was so moved to read about her life that I gave up my precious hour of extra sleep last night to read up on her life and I am now so fascinated that I cannot stop thinking about her life! What a special woman...and I cannot tell you what a source of encouragement it has been to discover that one of God's most interesting saints shared a special experience at communion like this. Makes it a lot less wierd and whole lot more wonderful!
May her intercession strengthen our walks with Christ and point us always to Jesus, the source and summit of our beautiful Faith. And may we, like her, grow more and more in love with Jesus in His glorified presence in the Blessed Sacrament so that it truly becomes, as we profess, the center of our Christian life.
“If you knew everyone’s story, you would love the whole world.”
I have tried to remember it time and again when my patience was being tried with people in the R&P or in Ravelry or some other internet forum, where the disconnect seemed so vast that I felt sure I would never be able to demonstrate love for the person, let alone FEEL it in my heart.
In reading the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families,” (For those of you who missed my blog on it-- GO and get this book! It’s absolutely amazing!) I noticed that one major point Covey made with regards to our “proactivity” vs. our reactivity (the idea that one has the capability, as a human, to choose how to respond to stimulus) is wrapped up in one simple sentence: No one will ever know your WHOLE story.
My heart stopped upon this sentence and I can’t seem to let it go because it is affecting everything I do. Even if you’ve been reading this blog for ten minutes, you know that I’ve always said that we CHOOSE to be offended, and that I firmly stand by that. When I allow someone else’s discomfort with where I’m at or what I’m doing to literally “offend” me, I know that I have gotten to a place where I am out of control of my emotions. I don’t have to LIKE what someone thinks about what I’m doing or saying, but I certainly don’t have to let them choose what I think or feel or say. Likewise, when I have done everything I can to be gracious and to bring “the truth in love,” there is sometimes nothing I can do if another chooses to be offended. The responsibility is on the communicator to make sure s/he is being understood, but if all attempts have been made to “Speak the same language,” then that’s really the impasse you have to reach.
My two year old demonstrated this quite well at our Saturday afternoon BBQ. We were over at my brother’s house, enjoying one of their typical Army family weekend cookouts, with couples and neighbor children and dogs all over the place. There were about five young boys, Annika’s age, around. We weren’t there for five minutes when Annika went over to one of the boys, a four year old, and aggressively made known that SHE was going to be playing with a certain toy and he could wait. I told her she needed to learn to share with him, and she gleefully took the toy from him and said, wagging her finger: “yeah! You share!”
From that moment, he ran to his mother and began relating, through big, thick tears, that she was “hurting my feelings! She’s being mean and making me really grumpy grumpy! Why is she being so mean to me??”
He wailed, and Annika, totally oblivious went on to the next boy, who she also made cry.
Interestingly, the first boys’ mother told him: “Remember what we talked about? You don’t have to let her make you upset. You can CHOOSE if you want to let her hurt your feelings. She probably didn’t know how important that was to you.”
Good advice, mom!
I admit, I initially cringed that this four year old boy, no less, was so in touch with his “feelings” as to describe them in great detail to us over and over. But I admired his mother’s response-- choose your response. Be proactive, instead of reactive. While I probably would have added the exhortation to get over it and find a different toy, (move ON!) I had to admit she was giving him some really meaty stuff to chew on and helping him to learn it right off the bat.
Anyways, all this to say that as Liza pointed out to me from reading my blogs for the first time, I do spend a great deal of time “justifying myself” to others.
I WANT people to know that it is God who has led me here and not my own feelings and emotions, that I really believe I’m reading my Bible clearly for the first time and that my theology is getting stronger instead of weaker. I want people to know that… but why? If I am sure that I’m in the right place, and Wayne is sure that I’m in the right place, then ultimately, what does it matter?
I think, upon examining this, that I do have a great evangelistic zeal that I’ve always had. I’m passionate about God, so when I learn something from Him I fervently share it with the world--- and that has always been one of my motivations. With that in mind, I’m going to write, in my next blog, one hopefully final “apologetic examination” of the Catholic Faith based on the five areas of dissent protestants have with it. The reason I’m doing this is that a dear friend has asked me for some answers, and instead of pointing her to twenty different blogs and a variety of links, I would rather put it all in one place and be able to point at it when people ask. I am not doing this to convince YOU, but rather to be able to order my thoughts about how and why I came to believe that the true church IS the Catholic Church, and that the true Faith IS the Catholic Faith. So, if you are sick of hearing it on this blog, then skip the next one J Otherwise, read on. But I hope, even if you ARE sick of hearing it, that you do read it, because I would like, once and for all, to answer all those questions which so greatly worry some of the people I hold dearest to me!
In other news, the most interesting thing happened to me yesterday! I blogged yesterday on this bizarre experience that I keep having at the moment of receiving communion-- this heart pounding, nearly out-of-body experience that really throws me for a loop.
A Carmelite friend of mine responded and assured me that it was not only normal, but a good sign, which greatly encouraged me, because it has been the source of much confusion as of late. It is not a BAD experience. But it’s very…. Intense. And something I am not able to really control, which is unusual.
Last night, before bed, I sat down to prepare for my next Carmelite meeting by reading from a book of meditations on the Eucharist by various Carmelite Saints and modern day believers. I enjoyed all of them, but none so much as when I came across the stories of St Mary Magdelene of Pazzi!!!! Wow! I had never heard of this amazing saint, but feel as though I know her already!
My spiritual “ears” picked up immediately as she described the feeling, as she went up to communion for which she longed day and night, of being certain that the ground would open up and swallow her whole as she waited to receive. This woman loved the Blessed Sacrament so much that she would literally do everything in her day in anticipation of receiving it. I can totally relate to that!!
In her ecstasies, she was able to SEE Jesus in the hearts of her Carmelite sisters who had just received communion… sometimes He was in the form of a little baby. Sometimes a man of 33. Sometimes on the cross, crucified.
NewAdvent.Org describes some of her spiritual ecstasies:
First, these raptures sometimes seized upon her whole being with such force as to compel her to rapid motion (e.g. towards some sacred object).
Secondly, she was frequently able, whilst in ecstasy, to carry on work belonging to her office--e.g., embroidery, painting, etc.--with perfect composure and efficiency.
Thirdly--and this is the point of chief importance--it was whilst in her states of rapture that St. Mary Magdalen de' Pazzi gave utterance to those wonderful maxims of Divine Love, and those counsels of perfection for souls, especially in the religious state, which a modern editor of a selection of them declares to be "more frequently quoted by spiritual writers than those even of St. Teresa". These utterances have been preserved to us by the saint's companions, who (unknown to her) took them down from her lips as she poured them forth. She spoke sometimes as of herself, and sometimes as themouthpiece of one or other of the Persons of the Blessed Trinity. These maxims of the saint are sometimes described as her "Works", although she wrote down none of them herself.
Most importantly, and what I loved best, was that her worldy “usefulness” was never interfered in by her ecstatic state-- she was constantly able to, for example, knit AND pray. She was miraculously able to “read” people (protestants call that the gift of Word of Wisdom or Word of Knowledge, depending) and could bi-locate, which allowed her to ‘meet’ with St Catherine De Ricci, having never really “met” her in the natural. She was nearly always sick, but bore her illness with such joy that she was an encouragement to everyone she met. She was on the point of death when she was professed a Carmelite. Satan was busy as can be attacking her, but she bore it all with extreme patience and true joy in her spirit.
Like her Dominican “friend” Catherine De Ricci, Mary Magdelene De Pazzi was a stigmatic-- she received the wounds of Christ.
I was so moved to read about her life that I gave up my precious hour of extra sleep last night to read up on her life and I am now so fascinated that I cannot stop thinking about her life! What a special woman...and I cannot tell you what a source of encouragement it has been to discover that one of God's most interesting saints shared a special experience at communion like this. Makes it a lot less wierd and whole lot more wonderful!
May her intercession strengthen our walks with Christ and point us always to Jesus, the source and summit of our beautiful Faith. And may we, like her, grow more and more in love with Jesus in His glorified presence in the Blessed Sacrament so that it truly becomes, as we profess, the center of our Christian life.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday thoughts on burning hearts and God providing
22 June 2008
Happy Sunday!
I love how Sundays are like little mini-holidays in our world-- a day of rest and renewal for what lies ahead.
Wayne and I were surprised to find that due to an unexpected expense yesterday, our savings are at an end and he still has no job in sight. This leaves us with less than 300 bucks, pretty scary considering we have a pay-or-get-cut-off utility bill of $250 due tomorrow and a rent payment of $615 due on the 1st and no money due to come in until a huge check on the 8th. Moments like these, I used to panic. But thank God, I have found that He has always provided when we have been in need, and this will be no different. I’m really looking forward to seeing how He will do so, seeing as how I am totally and completely out of ideas! Hah.
Wayne has finally agreed to go to Labor Ready on Monday and do some quick and difficult earning at the temp agency for trades workers until we can figure it out. It wont pay our bills, but it’s a start, and we have some very exciting prospects for jobs for him in the works.
I’ve been doing well with my Travel Agency but I’m not making nearly enough because airplane tickets are only bringing in a six dollar commission! I also just yesterday discovered that yahoo mail is really rotten about their spam filtering and that I had more than ten emails from friends requesting travel in my spam inbox!!!! Some of them were from months ago! (if that’s you, I’m sooo sorry!!! I will be diligent about checking my spam inbox from now on!)
In order to help make ends meet I’ll be doing some appointment setting for some insurance agent friends as well, which will hopefully make up just enough to get by. That way if Wayne any of the jobs he’s hoping for, we’ll have some “room to move around” in our budget, which will be a nice change. For those of you who have been praying, he did not get into the navy. The main reason being, as I’m sure you know, that the navy is not trying to grow the same way the army is, and that our local recruiter has a mission of putting one person in per month. As you can imagine, he has a line out the door of people waiting to get in fresh out of high school who have no need for waivers, and the recruiter would rather spend his time with them than doing all the hard work to get Wayne in by passing all the waivers he needs. Thus, it seems the US Military doesn’t want him.. Even after we wrote to our congressman.
This, I’m sure, is not an accident, and I’m confident God will point us in the right direction. We are both slightly disappointed, but quickly realized how much more blessed it will be for us to be able to stay together!
We are applying in a lot of different fields and have been for several months now, both he and I. We are sure that something will give in the next few days.
I’ve been doing a lot of praying and thinking on a thread called “Mormonism 101” in ravelry.
One of the biggest things about it has been this idea of the “burning in the bosom” that demonstrates the true “prompting of the Spirit.”
I don’t know what’s going on, but two things of a mystical nature are happening at mass every day here.
The first is what is happening to my priest. I can SEE that he is experiencing something very profound during mass. I can SEE the change at consecration. I can see him going through something. I know from talking to him that he is really “caught up” during mass in what’s going on spiritually-- but more than that, I can see a “glow” in him come down, right as the Word is being proclaimed, all the way until the ending procession.
I know that the same thing is spiritually happening in every parish all across the world at daily mass. I have never before “seen” this sort of thing--- it’s really disconcerting and totally amazing and faith building. It may sound nuts. But I can physically see something spiritually happening to him as the mass unfolds. It’s totally incredible.
Which brings me to the second thing--- because of what I can spiritually “see” happening, I am made incredibly aware of the presence of God and something which I can only describe as a fear (awe) of God strikes me to the bone. In the moments from the end of the recitation of the creed to the final “amen,” my heart begins to furiously pound inside my chest. I experience a contrition unlike any I have ever felt-- sorrow for my sins that literally grips me. At the final “grant us your peace,” of the Agnes Dei, my desire for God’s peace over the world is so strong that I am moved to tears. During this heart pounding moment, which culminates in a flood of what I can only describe as “warmth” flooding over me as I kneel to receive and… (as my dear Carmelite sister Diane says) “my soul bows down,” I am completely captivated by Jesus.
In that moment, as the priest holds the host up over me and says “The Body of Christ,“ everything moves out of focus and into a blur but the Host. I literally hear nothing but the rush of blood flooding my beating heart and pounding in my ears, and as the Host hits my tongue it’s like everything-- I mean EVERYTHING--- melts away into complete and total calm. No more nervous anticipation, no more heart pounding, just a noisy silence, if that makes any sense. Jesus truly brings me that “peace which surpasses all understanding.”
I turn to receive from the cup, and the silence is broken by the words “The Blood of Christ.”
I know that I say “amen,” (I believe!) but I don’t hear myself say it. And as I head back to my pew to fall on my knees, a sense of total withdrawal from the world comes over me. I am usually so moved at this point that I have to hide my face in my hands and pull my veil down low so that I am hidden and no one will see the tears. I am afraid people will think I’m a weirdo!!
This incredible emotional roller coaster has been going on for over a month now.
I want to ask others if they have ever experienced anything similar, but I’m almost afraid to talk about it with people, since it really is a “supernatural“ event.
From what I understand, this is somewhat similar to the Mormon experience of “reading the Book of Mormon,” in which, when the “truth” is revealed to you, a burning sensation occurs in the bosom, based on Luke 24:13-32, where their hearts burned within them as He opened up the scriptures to them.
I do NOT agree with the BOM that this is a valid “litmus test” of proof that the Holy Spirit is at work.
I am, however, interested in discussing this experience with people who have had similar experiences… particularly Catholics.
Happy Sunday!
I love how Sundays are like little mini-holidays in our world-- a day of rest and renewal for what lies ahead.
Wayne and I were surprised to find that due to an unexpected expense yesterday, our savings are at an end and he still has no job in sight. This leaves us with less than 300 bucks, pretty scary considering we have a pay-or-get-cut-off utility bill of $250 due tomorrow and a rent payment of $615 due on the 1st and no money due to come in until a huge check on the 8th. Moments like these, I used to panic. But thank God, I have found that He has always provided when we have been in need, and this will be no different. I’m really looking forward to seeing how He will do so, seeing as how I am totally and completely out of ideas! Hah.
Wayne has finally agreed to go to Labor Ready on Monday and do some quick and difficult earning at the temp agency for trades workers until we can figure it out. It wont pay our bills, but it’s a start, and we have some very exciting prospects for jobs for him in the works.
I’ve been doing well with my Travel Agency but I’m not making nearly enough because airplane tickets are only bringing in a six dollar commission! I also just yesterday discovered that yahoo mail is really rotten about their spam filtering and that I had more than ten emails from friends requesting travel in my spam inbox!!!! Some of them were from months ago! (if that’s you, I’m sooo sorry!!! I will be diligent about checking my spam inbox from now on!)
In order to help make ends meet I’ll be doing some appointment setting for some insurance agent friends as well, which will hopefully make up just enough to get by. That way if Wayne any of the jobs he’s hoping for, we’ll have some “room to move around” in our budget, which will be a nice change. For those of you who have been praying, he did not get into the navy. The main reason being, as I’m sure you know, that the navy is not trying to grow the same way the army is, and that our local recruiter has a mission of putting one person in per month. As you can imagine, he has a line out the door of people waiting to get in fresh out of high school who have no need for waivers, and the recruiter would rather spend his time with them than doing all the hard work to get Wayne in by passing all the waivers he needs. Thus, it seems the US Military doesn’t want him.. Even after we wrote to our congressman.
This, I’m sure, is not an accident, and I’m confident God will point us in the right direction. We are both slightly disappointed, but quickly realized how much more blessed it will be for us to be able to stay together!
We are applying in a lot of different fields and have been for several months now, both he and I. We are sure that something will give in the next few days.
I’ve been doing a lot of praying and thinking on a thread called “Mormonism 101” in ravelry.
One of the biggest things about it has been this idea of the “burning in the bosom” that demonstrates the true “prompting of the Spirit.”
I don’t know what’s going on, but two things of a mystical nature are happening at mass every day here.
The first is what is happening to my priest. I can SEE that he is experiencing something very profound during mass. I can SEE the change at consecration. I can see him going through something. I know from talking to him that he is really “caught up” during mass in what’s going on spiritually-- but more than that, I can see a “glow” in him come down, right as the Word is being proclaimed, all the way until the ending procession.
I know that the same thing is spiritually happening in every parish all across the world at daily mass. I have never before “seen” this sort of thing--- it’s really disconcerting and totally amazing and faith building. It may sound nuts. But I can physically see something spiritually happening to him as the mass unfolds. It’s totally incredible.
Which brings me to the second thing--- because of what I can spiritually “see” happening, I am made incredibly aware of the presence of God and something which I can only describe as a fear (awe) of God strikes me to the bone. In the moments from the end of the recitation of the creed to the final “amen,” my heart begins to furiously pound inside my chest. I experience a contrition unlike any I have ever felt-- sorrow for my sins that literally grips me. At the final “grant us your peace,” of the Agnes Dei, my desire for God’s peace over the world is so strong that I am moved to tears. During this heart pounding moment, which culminates in a flood of what I can only describe as “warmth” flooding over me as I kneel to receive and… (as my dear Carmelite sister Diane says) “my soul bows down,” I am completely captivated by Jesus.
In that moment, as the priest holds the host up over me and says “The Body of Christ,“ everything moves out of focus and into a blur but the Host. I literally hear nothing but the rush of blood flooding my beating heart and pounding in my ears, and as the Host hits my tongue it’s like everything-- I mean EVERYTHING--- melts away into complete and total calm. No more nervous anticipation, no more heart pounding, just a noisy silence, if that makes any sense. Jesus truly brings me that “peace which surpasses all understanding.”
I turn to receive from the cup, and the silence is broken by the words “The Blood of Christ.”
I know that I say “amen,” (I believe!) but I don’t hear myself say it. And as I head back to my pew to fall on my knees, a sense of total withdrawal from the world comes over me. I am usually so moved at this point that I have to hide my face in my hands and pull my veil down low so that I am hidden and no one will see the tears. I am afraid people will think I’m a weirdo!!
This incredible emotional roller coaster has been going on for over a month now.
I want to ask others if they have ever experienced anything similar, but I’m almost afraid to talk about it with people, since it really is a “supernatural“ event.
From what I understand, this is somewhat similar to the Mormon experience of “reading the Book of Mormon,” in which, when the “truth” is revealed to you, a burning sensation occurs in the bosom, based on Luke 24:13-32, where their hearts burned within them as He opened up the scriptures to them.
I do NOT agree with the BOM that this is a valid “litmus test” of proof that the Holy Spirit is at work.
I am, however, interested in discussing this experience with people who have had similar experiences… particularly Catholics.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Family, culture, and the american dream
I’ve finally received three home schooling resources from a friend and I’m really getting excited about starting up. I think we are going to start with preschool and see how it goes. Part of me looks forward to the time when the kids will go to school. On the other hand, I cannot afford private school, and if we remain in North Carolina, I cannot send them to public school which is frightfully awful in this state.
So, I spent the entire day yesterday adding these resources to my home school binder.
I’ve been keeping track of Annika’s progress since she turned one. We usually do daily lesson plans and activities, and I imagine that’s much what school will be like-- just a few hours each day of learning specific things followed by implementing them in our daily routine.
I’m not going to “officially” start her on any kind of a home school program until 1 September, when she will be around preschool age.
By then I hope to have a specific curriculum chosen and purchased, whereas now I’m kinda just gleaning from a bunch of different books.
Until then, we are practicing and trying to get the hang of it. And so far, I love it!
My parents are teachers, and I grew up going to public, private, and home school. So I get how it’s done. I was a home school tutor for a few families in French. I really enjoyed that.. And I’m sure this will be similar. The only difference is that out here, we don’t have fabulous houses to hang out at with breathtaking views and a beach to lounge on while we “work.” I wonder if the lack of inspiration in the scenery here will make us both stir crazy and think twice about staying home. We’ll see.
The biggest problem (fear) people have about home schooling is the socialization aspect. I’m not at all worried about that-- Annika is a social butterfly and loves people of all ages. I’m sure that so long as I continue to provide opportunities for her to be social, she will continue to grow in that area.
She learns faster than a lot of kids her age, so I’m actually kinda glad we are going to homeschool her in the beginning… it will give her the opportunity to grow at her own pace. I know I was easily bored in public high school and that lack of challenge certainly gave me no incentive to stick around, Gate programs or not.
I’m kinda disappointed by the lack of interest Wayne has in her education. He trusts me to “make the right decisions” and to get it right, and he has strong opinions about what “right” education is. BUT he doesn’t get interested in looking at the resources and catalogs I’m bringing home, and he could not care less about sitting in on a home school family’s day and seeing what it’s like first hand.
I’m also reading a really amazing book right now called “The Seven Habits of Effective Families” by Stephen R Covey.
I have to say, I usually despise self help books, but this one is a little different.
He takes principles I already know in my head but seem to have a hard time acting out in my life, and then gives examples of how to actually sit down and apply them.
The principles themselves, for the most part, are purely biblical.
The guy is a mormon, I think, but that certainly hasn’t affected the spiritual nature of the stuff he is writing, which is kind of like a manual to “dying to self,” without hammering the “painful” aspect.
Essentially, he teaches seven habits that form what he calls a “beautiful family culture.” This culture is different in each family, because we are all unique with unique callings. But what is similar is the “feeling” we get when we walk into a house where Love is happening. It’s the kind of family we LOVE to emulate.
I would hate to live in the “Seventh Heaven” House, for example, because I think their family culture is nerdy and not my style. BUT I do see that the show does an excellent job at depicting the familial bond in a way that is very inspiring. I get teary eyed watching the show BECAUSE I feel strongly connected to a family who IS strongly connected.
That’s why I liked the Cosby Show. It’s why I liked hanging out at my friend Tasha’s house growing up. They had their own, unique, beautiful family culture.
If nothing else, I’ve walked away from the first few chapters with a really fresh perspective on my own family. I’m so often tempted to “compare” us to everyone around… to get overwhelmed with how much “better” everyone around us seems to do this or that. It helps me to realize that Wayne and I are on a different mission than the people around us, and that what we together have to bring to the world will be just as precious as what any other family has to bring to the table -- and UNIQUE. We have different talents and abilities than anyone else around us, and together, we use those talents and gifts to create culture that assists us in our ministry.
For one thing, Covey has given me a gentle reminder that the most important thing, when we are “off track” from our family vision, is to realize that we are and to use our sense of humor to help us get back ON track. To take it lightly… not to be overcome by the pressure to conform or be perfect.
For another, he has reminded me of my God-given ability as a human and not an animal to examine my self: my reasons for responding, my reactivity, etc. And instead of being reactive, to be proactive-- to be an element of change in my OWN sphere of influence instead of being an element of negativity in my sphere of concern.
What does that mean? It means that I’m learning to concern myself with the things which I can personally change, and that, in turn is allowing me to be a better listener and a more empathetic and positive person.. To develop more compassion and to see more change for GOOD in my life.
And I’m only on chapter two!! Haha. I’m telling you, I usually hate this kind of stuff but this particular book is speaking to my very soul.
I love it so much because more than anything, my family is important to me. It really bothers me that Wayne doesn’t have a picture of “family” that resembles my own picture of it. Where I grew up, family was everything… the only constant in a chaotic world, a source of organized chaos itself, and a microcosm of the universe…. A place where love reigned above all.
My family is noisy, messy, loud, and hilarious. His? Not so much. Most of his life was spent around his single dad. He didn’t experience the joy of a large family even though he initially had one, because in his family, the bigger it got the harder it got and the more the parents snapped.
He remembers a full house as a very dark time, and doesn’t have an experience of family culture because each member of his family was too busy trying to survive than actually enjoying each other, let alone learning and growing from each other.
I wish he would read the book and see what I’ve been trying to describe to him all this time, but I can’t seem to get him interested in it. Last night, he was on the computer, and Annika kept asking me if daddy would come tickle her. He got off the computer, came and tickled her for a few minutes, and then went back to it. He was busy.
I was really affected by that moment-- a moment that is gone forever-- a memory that should have been made to LAST. You know? I want to see a beautiful family culture emanate from this house. I want people to peek in the window and see a daddy tickling his kids, a mommy watching and laughing. I want this house to breathe joy, like the house of my youth--- where my grandparents raised nine kids and 37 grandkids on practically nothing but love of God and love of each other.
So, I spent the entire day yesterday adding these resources to my home school binder.
I’ve been keeping track of Annika’s progress since she turned one. We usually do daily lesson plans and activities, and I imagine that’s much what school will be like-- just a few hours each day of learning specific things followed by implementing them in our daily routine.
I’m not going to “officially” start her on any kind of a home school program until 1 September, when she will be around preschool age.
By then I hope to have a specific curriculum chosen and purchased, whereas now I’m kinda just gleaning from a bunch of different books.
Until then, we are practicing and trying to get the hang of it. And so far, I love it!
My parents are teachers, and I grew up going to public, private, and home school. So I get how it’s done. I was a home school tutor for a few families in French. I really enjoyed that.. And I’m sure this will be similar. The only difference is that out here, we don’t have fabulous houses to hang out at with breathtaking views and a beach to lounge on while we “work.” I wonder if the lack of inspiration in the scenery here will make us both stir crazy and think twice about staying home. We’ll see.
The biggest problem (fear) people have about home schooling is the socialization aspect. I’m not at all worried about that-- Annika is a social butterfly and loves people of all ages. I’m sure that so long as I continue to provide opportunities for her to be social, she will continue to grow in that area.
She learns faster than a lot of kids her age, so I’m actually kinda glad we are going to homeschool her in the beginning… it will give her the opportunity to grow at her own pace. I know I was easily bored in public high school and that lack of challenge certainly gave me no incentive to stick around, Gate programs or not.
I’m kinda disappointed by the lack of interest Wayne has in her education. He trusts me to “make the right decisions” and to get it right, and he has strong opinions about what “right” education is. BUT he doesn’t get interested in looking at the resources and catalogs I’m bringing home, and he could not care less about sitting in on a home school family’s day and seeing what it’s like first hand.
I’m also reading a really amazing book right now called “The Seven Habits of Effective Families” by Stephen R Covey.
I have to say, I usually despise self help books, but this one is a little different.
He takes principles I already know in my head but seem to have a hard time acting out in my life, and then gives examples of how to actually sit down and apply them.
The principles themselves, for the most part, are purely biblical.
The guy is a mormon, I think, but that certainly hasn’t affected the spiritual nature of the stuff he is writing, which is kind of like a manual to “dying to self,” without hammering the “painful” aspect.
Essentially, he teaches seven habits that form what he calls a “beautiful family culture.” This culture is different in each family, because we are all unique with unique callings. But what is similar is the “feeling” we get when we walk into a house where Love is happening. It’s the kind of family we LOVE to emulate.
I would hate to live in the “Seventh Heaven” House, for example, because I think their family culture is nerdy and not my style. BUT I do see that the show does an excellent job at depicting the familial bond in a way that is very inspiring. I get teary eyed watching the show BECAUSE I feel strongly connected to a family who IS strongly connected.
That’s why I liked the Cosby Show. It’s why I liked hanging out at my friend Tasha’s house growing up. They had their own, unique, beautiful family culture.
If nothing else, I’ve walked away from the first few chapters with a really fresh perspective on my own family. I’m so often tempted to “compare” us to everyone around… to get overwhelmed with how much “better” everyone around us seems to do this or that. It helps me to realize that Wayne and I are on a different mission than the people around us, and that what we together have to bring to the world will be just as precious as what any other family has to bring to the table -- and UNIQUE. We have different talents and abilities than anyone else around us, and together, we use those talents and gifts to create culture that assists us in our ministry.
For one thing, Covey has given me a gentle reminder that the most important thing, when we are “off track” from our family vision, is to realize that we are and to use our sense of humor to help us get back ON track. To take it lightly… not to be overcome by the pressure to conform or be perfect.
For another, he has reminded me of my God-given ability as a human and not an animal to examine my self: my reasons for responding, my reactivity, etc. And instead of being reactive, to be proactive-- to be an element of change in my OWN sphere of influence instead of being an element of negativity in my sphere of concern.
What does that mean? It means that I’m learning to concern myself with the things which I can personally change, and that, in turn is allowing me to be a better listener and a more empathetic and positive person.. To develop more compassion and to see more change for GOOD in my life.
And I’m only on chapter two!! Haha. I’m telling you, I usually hate this kind of stuff but this particular book is speaking to my very soul.
I love it so much because more than anything, my family is important to me. It really bothers me that Wayne doesn’t have a picture of “family” that resembles my own picture of it. Where I grew up, family was everything… the only constant in a chaotic world, a source of organized chaos itself, and a microcosm of the universe…. A place where love reigned above all.
My family is noisy, messy, loud, and hilarious. His? Not so much. Most of his life was spent around his single dad. He didn’t experience the joy of a large family even though he initially had one, because in his family, the bigger it got the harder it got and the more the parents snapped.
He remembers a full house as a very dark time, and doesn’t have an experience of family culture because each member of his family was too busy trying to survive than actually enjoying each other, let alone learning and growing from each other.
I wish he would read the book and see what I’ve been trying to describe to him all this time, but I can’t seem to get him interested in it. Last night, he was on the computer, and Annika kept asking me if daddy would come tickle her. He got off the computer, came and tickled her for a few minutes, and then went back to it. He was busy.
I was really affected by that moment-- a moment that is gone forever-- a memory that should have been made to LAST. You know? I want to see a beautiful family culture emanate from this house. I want people to peek in the window and see a daddy tickling his kids, a mommy watching and laughing. I want this house to breathe joy, like the house of my youth--- where my grandparents raised nine kids and 37 grandkids on practically nothing but love of God and love of each other.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Parallels
I was once in love with a boy we'll call PK. I didn't know I was in love with him then, but time and distance has demonstrated that I created a rather massive soul tie with him.
It all started out as fun and games for me, of course, as most relations with boys always did.
Those of you who have known me long enough know exactly who I'm talking about. And chances are, you hated me loving him. You thought he was controlling, creepy, and totally rude. I thought he was authoratative, a natural leader, and strong. You thought he was mean to me. I thought he could see into my soul and pull out all the surplus garbage that needed filtering.
You thought he could use some help socializing and learning to be normal. I thought he was so intelligent that most people just couldn't understand him.
And on and on it went.
I could relay nearly every second of time spent with PK, even times when I was waiting to see him.
Above everything else, we were friends. GOOD friends. We had a lot in common, we believed in the same things, and we enjoyed "fixing the world" together. On the other hand, it was because of PK that I found myself in a million situations I never, as a Christian woman, should have been in. And it was because of PK that I experienced some of my deepest hurting... and wrote some of my best poetry!
Partially because I don't think he ever really understood what I wanted out of him. Partially because I didn't understand it myself.
And partially because he was a lot younger than me and didn't know what he wanted out of life for himself. He had a general picture, and he didn't really seem to care if I was in it or not. And that was OK, because as I said, we were just special friends.
We took it to a deeper level when I left for the army. Some things got left unsaid, but I could tell that we were moving from a "friendship" bond to something more substantial. Time was not on our side, though, and eventually, I moved into other things.
I met and married Wayne during that time.
He appeared out of nowhere and seemed to be everything that PK was lacking.... he was a Christian, so I knew that that bond would get stronger. PK mocked Christianity, and thought that believing in Christ weakened me. He was a conservative republican, and PK was a liberal democrat with a conspiracy theorist aura. I didn't know much else about Wayne, but I knew that I could count on him to, like PK, set me "straight" when I needed it. I also knew that in this new chapter in my life, where I was ready to move on, I was going to have to leave some things behind.
In the past, I had always walked all over boys and I needed someone who was strong enough to put a stick in my wheels, so to speak. PK was great at that. Wayne is also better at doing that than anyone else. It's one of the best reasons we are married.
Breaking it off with PK then seemed wierd. On the one hand, we had never made any official plans to actually become anything other than in my vain imaginings. On the other hand, I knew that I had deeply connected with him on a level that I wasn't likely to encounter again, and that in some wierd way, he was going to miss me too.
I never was able to read his last letter to me, mostly because it had sat in the mail locker in CQ for more than three weeks, where some private had had a friend who sent him a literal cow tongue in the mail rot the rest of the mail as it sat and waited for us to be "good enough" to get our mail at our nightly hydration formation. When the drill sergeants had discovered the disturbing contents of the package, they had hosed down the rest of the mail because of germs. Genius.
So, I got a letter from him, the last one, which I opened slowly while shining my boots in the gentle beginnings of a summer evening on Ft Jackson.
The inside was a blur of ink, mingled with water, and forever smeared across the page in an illegible mess that I was dying to read.
I think that was a God moment. If I could have read it, I'm sure my heart would have burst and I probably would have lacked the strength to do what I had to do to get on out of there.
I've been thinking about that moment alot lately. It was like a line was drawn, right down on the ground in front of me. I had a choice. I was already neck deep in everything crazy that was going on around me, but ultimately, I was caving in to the pressure of not being breakable by the US Army. I thought there was something wrong with me because they just couldn't do anything to make me take them seriously. I knew who those guys were when they came home at night. I couldn't respect them because of it.
I was choosing who was going to get to be my authority. I did it on the basis of what I FELT like doing at the time.
It was easy to look at Wayne and see a romantic love story unfolding... it was easy to see a country music video playing in my brain... a novel... a tragic poem.
I did the exact same thing when I left the nondenominational playground. I was choosing who I want to have as my authority. And although it's wierd to some people that that would be an issue, I know that others get it. We are all slaves to something.
I chose Wayne over the US Army and ultimately, over PK because it seemed easier and more immediate. I did NOT choose to leave the nondenominational world because it seemed easier and more…. Current. This time around, my decision making skills have been honed. I needed to get away from fundamentalism. I needed to get away from faulty theology. I needed to find God in the midst of all the insanity.
Over the first year of our marriage, I discovered that Wayne and I, in fact, had nothing in common. That has served to make us stronger, in that we were forced to build a common bond from nothing-- and that every day we are still able to learn something new about each other. We still work at it every day. Just tonight, we read each other’s blogs and gave each other input. We talked about some things we can do to bring vision back into our team. We opened up to each other. He expressed how much more depth his life has and meaning as a Catholic, and how grateful he is for my role in that. We both thanked the Holy Spirit.
In the same way, since returning to the Catholic church, I’m discovering that I have to build bonds with the church from nothing. We have one basic thing in common: Jesus Christ, and from that, we are working to teach each other and grow from each other. We are experiencing and creating community. We are developing team vision and a plan.
As a married woman, I obviously had to break off the friendly “ties” I had to PK. By mutual agreement, Wayne and I agreed that just as he shouldn’t remain in close personal contact with his ex fiancee, PK and I didn’t really have any business maintaining communication. I am confident that he knows “the things that were left unsaid,” and that he has found closure in that. Likewise, I have found closure on my own end.
And ultimately, I have not allowed myself to dwell on any of it, because of the implications that come with it.
Similarly, I have made a decision and I know that it was the right one. I can see already in how many amazing ways I have been blessed and provided for since leaving nondenominational fundamentalism. I have been truly graced with incredible graces, and I look forward to every new day. In my anger against it for not being able to provide me with what it should have, there will always be a soft spot in my heart. And I find that if I remember that soft spot, I am moved to tears by the sheer possibility of what it offered me.
I don’t think it’s wrong to remember these things with fondness if they help us to look to the situation at hand and see what a blessing it is for us. I pray that I am able to be a better wife to Wayne and a better friend to him by the lessons I learned from PK. Similarly, I hope he will be a better husband to someone one day by the things he learned from my friendship.
In the same way, I pray that I am able to be a better Catholic by dwelling on the good things that came from my relationship with nondenominational fundamentalism--- that passion, that depth of relationship, that “All for God” mentality--- which I know is of the One who made us. I pray that I am able to stop being furious at time that was wasted and start being grateful for what I have learned.
And I think, just now as I’m writing this blog, that I’m finally at that point.
So I’m thankful to PK, and I’m thankful to my eleven long years away from the Church, for making me a better woman today than I was then.
It all started out as fun and games for me, of course, as most relations with boys always did.
Those of you who have known me long enough know exactly who I'm talking about. And chances are, you hated me loving him. You thought he was controlling, creepy, and totally rude. I thought he was authoratative, a natural leader, and strong. You thought he was mean to me. I thought he could see into my soul and pull out all the surplus garbage that needed filtering.
You thought he could use some help socializing and learning to be normal. I thought he was so intelligent that most people just couldn't understand him.
And on and on it went.
I could relay nearly every second of time spent with PK, even times when I was waiting to see him.
Above everything else, we were friends. GOOD friends. We had a lot in common, we believed in the same things, and we enjoyed "fixing the world" together. On the other hand, it was because of PK that I found myself in a million situations I never, as a Christian woman, should have been in. And it was because of PK that I experienced some of my deepest hurting... and wrote some of my best poetry!
Partially because I don't think he ever really understood what I wanted out of him. Partially because I didn't understand it myself.
And partially because he was a lot younger than me and didn't know what he wanted out of life for himself. He had a general picture, and he didn't really seem to care if I was in it or not. And that was OK, because as I said, we were just special friends.
We took it to a deeper level when I left for the army. Some things got left unsaid, but I could tell that we were moving from a "friendship" bond to something more substantial. Time was not on our side, though, and eventually, I moved into other things.
I met and married Wayne during that time.
He appeared out of nowhere and seemed to be everything that PK was lacking.... he was a Christian, so I knew that that bond would get stronger. PK mocked Christianity, and thought that believing in Christ weakened me. He was a conservative republican, and PK was a liberal democrat with a conspiracy theorist aura. I didn't know much else about Wayne, but I knew that I could count on him to, like PK, set me "straight" when I needed it. I also knew that in this new chapter in my life, where I was ready to move on, I was going to have to leave some things behind.
In the past, I had always walked all over boys and I needed someone who was strong enough to put a stick in my wheels, so to speak. PK was great at that. Wayne is also better at doing that than anyone else. It's one of the best reasons we are married.
Breaking it off with PK then seemed wierd. On the one hand, we had never made any official plans to actually become anything other than in my vain imaginings. On the other hand, I knew that I had deeply connected with him on a level that I wasn't likely to encounter again, and that in some wierd way, he was going to miss me too.
I never was able to read his last letter to me, mostly because it had sat in the mail locker in CQ for more than three weeks, where some private had had a friend who sent him a literal cow tongue in the mail rot the rest of the mail as it sat and waited for us to be "good enough" to get our mail at our nightly hydration formation. When the drill sergeants had discovered the disturbing contents of the package, they had hosed down the rest of the mail because of germs. Genius.
So, I got a letter from him, the last one, which I opened slowly while shining my boots in the gentle beginnings of a summer evening on Ft Jackson.
The inside was a blur of ink, mingled with water, and forever smeared across the page in an illegible mess that I was dying to read.
I think that was a God moment. If I could have read it, I'm sure my heart would have burst and I probably would have lacked the strength to do what I had to do to get on out of there.
I've been thinking about that moment alot lately. It was like a line was drawn, right down on the ground in front of me. I had a choice. I was already neck deep in everything crazy that was going on around me, but ultimately, I was caving in to the pressure of not being breakable by the US Army. I thought there was something wrong with me because they just couldn't do anything to make me take them seriously. I knew who those guys were when they came home at night. I couldn't respect them because of it.
I was choosing who was going to get to be my authority. I did it on the basis of what I FELT like doing at the time.
It was easy to look at Wayne and see a romantic love story unfolding... it was easy to see a country music video playing in my brain... a novel... a tragic poem.
I did the exact same thing when I left the nondenominational playground. I was choosing who I want to have as my authority. And although it's wierd to some people that that would be an issue, I know that others get it. We are all slaves to something.
I chose Wayne over the US Army and ultimately, over PK because it seemed easier and more immediate. I did NOT choose to leave the nondenominational world because it seemed easier and more…. Current. This time around, my decision making skills have been honed. I needed to get away from fundamentalism. I needed to get away from faulty theology. I needed to find God in the midst of all the insanity.
Over the first year of our marriage, I discovered that Wayne and I, in fact, had nothing in common. That has served to make us stronger, in that we were forced to build a common bond from nothing-- and that every day we are still able to learn something new about each other. We still work at it every day. Just tonight, we read each other’s blogs and gave each other input. We talked about some things we can do to bring vision back into our team. We opened up to each other. He expressed how much more depth his life has and meaning as a Catholic, and how grateful he is for my role in that. We both thanked the Holy Spirit.
In the same way, since returning to the Catholic church, I’m discovering that I have to build bonds with the church from nothing. We have one basic thing in common: Jesus Christ, and from that, we are working to teach each other and grow from each other. We are experiencing and creating community. We are developing team vision and a plan.
As a married woman, I obviously had to break off the friendly “ties” I had to PK. By mutual agreement, Wayne and I agreed that just as he shouldn’t remain in close personal contact with his ex fiancee, PK and I didn’t really have any business maintaining communication. I am confident that he knows “the things that were left unsaid,” and that he has found closure in that. Likewise, I have found closure on my own end.
And ultimately, I have not allowed myself to dwell on any of it, because of the implications that come with it.
Similarly, I have made a decision and I know that it was the right one. I can see already in how many amazing ways I have been blessed and provided for since leaving nondenominational fundamentalism. I have been truly graced with incredible graces, and I look forward to every new day. In my anger against it for not being able to provide me with what it should have, there will always be a soft spot in my heart. And I find that if I remember that soft spot, I am moved to tears by the sheer possibility of what it offered me.
I don’t think it’s wrong to remember these things with fondness if they help us to look to the situation at hand and see what a blessing it is for us. I pray that I am able to be a better wife to Wayne and a better friend to him by the lessons I learned from PK. Similarly, I hope he will be a better husband to someone one day by the things he learned from my friendship.
In the same way, I pray that I am able to be a better Catholic by dwelling on the good things that came from my relationship with nondenominational fundamentalism--- that passion, that depth of relationship, that “All for God” mentality--- which I know is of the One who made us. I pray that I am able to stop being furious at time that was wasted and start being grateful for what I have learned.
And I think, just now as I’m writing this blog, that I’m finally at that point.
So I’m thankful to PK, and I’m thankful to my eleven long years away from the Church, for making me a better woman today than I was then.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Who is in control?
I'm such a fundy :P
In my heart, my answer to the question "Who is in control?" Is automatically to gleefully shout out: "GOD!"
And yes, that hasn't changed.
What HAS Changed is my concept of my own control. It used to be that I thought God was in control of everything to the point of me literally asking God, as a wonderful Ravelry poster Gwanla said today, "wether I should go right or go left."
I dont see that there's anything wrong with that... I think it's admirable to seek God's will in everything and I pray that I will always continue to do so.
Here's where it gets wierd, though.
I realized recently, within the last year, that when I was reading my Bible, it wasn't always just ME and GOD.
There was alot of inbetween stuff that I personally didn't understand, concepts I needed to grasp, and things I needed to learn to mature. And so as I studied my bible in my daily devotions, I did several things.
I read the verse:
"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40
First, I would go to the reference verses and the commentary:
no commentary.
reference:
is 8:20
20 To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
is 34:16
16 " Search from the book of the LORD, and read:
Not one of these shall fail;
Not one shall lack her mate.
For My mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them.
lu 24:27
27 And beginning at Moses and all the Prophets, He expounded to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself.
It begins to paint a picture: Jesus is telling them that his presence is a fulfillment of the scripture.
But still, I feel that God has led me to this verse today for a reason. And I haven't taken from it much more than an encouragement that Jesus is the Way. Maybe that's all. Maybe He wants to give me more from that.
My initial response might be to ask my pastor. Or to ask a friend. Or to look up the words in the strong's concordance. Or to look up the passage in any number of bible handbooks. Or to bring it up at a bible study.
ANd that's where it happens: suddenly I've given control of my biblical interpretation to another! Suddenly, my pastor, who is a scriptural authority, or my author of my bible handbook, or the author of my study bible notes, or Mr. Strong... that person becomes the theologist that I have entrusted to help me gain more insight.
when I realized that ALL of us interpret the bible in one way or another, , it answered the question that had always bothered me: how can Mormons, Jehova's Witnesses, Catholics, Baptists, Pentacostals, Presbytarians, and even Unitarians read the Bible, the same bible, and then come to such varied and different conclusions about doctrine?
I've always known that we do this on some level..but I never realized the implications until recently. Suddenly, it doesn't make me want to bash my head against a wall whenever I hear someone quote scripture "out of context." I say that in quotations because they aren't always doing it out of context. They are often doing it "from their own interpretation." "from their own theological perspective."
What do we do when one verse means one thing to one person and one thing to another? Yes, ask God. Sure. But that's like saying... Oh, I don't know. "Get out of the boat, and walk on the water." It's not the right answer.
The right answer is to look and see if our interpretation is historically and archeologically valid. Can we prove-- or at least, not disprove-- through science, history, or social history that this was so? Can we, at the very least, prove that the first Christians, those who walked with Christ, or who were discipled by those who KNEW Jesus Christ in the flesh, believed this way?
In this way, God speaks to us.
THEN, as we build a correct theology, we are able to go deeper and to receive accurate knowledge of the truth and to find more profound meaning in the text than just the surface meaning.
That's how I "came home to Rome," because I can now show you, in every doctrinal point that I believe, WHY I believe what I do. Not only based on scripture, which is absolutely necessary, but based on the fact that my predecessors, the earliest recorded Christians, believed and taught and protected as truth these same things.
Because of that, I have chosen to give my own control over to the church, to allow the church to have a part in how I interpret scripture, and to see that I have chosen to give the interpretation of the things I find "difficult" or "complex" to be from true sources of early Christianity, sources which I know will be accurate because they were the initial "defenders of the faith!"
Because of that, I can trust that the "hard verses" will be interpreted correctly.
And through that confidence, I am free to hear God's voice in my morning devotions without fear that I will err and hear anything other than Him:
I know now that Eucharistic theology demonstrates the importance of the verse above. Jesus said this just before he fed the great multitude (6:1-12), and did so giving thanks over the bread and protecting what remained as a predecessor of the eucharistic feast. In relation to the Eucharist, I can look at the verse above and hear Jesus saying: "I am the Word, and you will find me in the scriptures, but do not neglect to meet me in the Eucharist, where you can come to Me for life."
"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40
I can not tell you how much deeper and more beautiful that simple passage of scripture is to me now.... I am loving every minute of this walk. And all of that because I was finally willing to admit that we ALL interpret scripture.
In my heart, my answer to the question "Who is in control?" Is automatically to gleefully shout out: "GOD!"
And yes, that hasn't changed.
What HAS Changed is my concept of my own control. It used to be that I thought God was in control of everything to the point of me literally asking God, as a wonderful Ravelry poster Gwanla said today, "wether I should go right or go left."
I dont see that there's anything wrong with that... I think it's admirable to seek God's will in everything and I pray that I will always continue to do so.
Here's where it gets wierd, though.
I realized recently, within the last year, that when I was reading my Bible, it wasn't always just ME and GOD.
There was alot of inbetween stuff that I personally didn't understand, concepts I needed to grasp, and things I needed to learn to mature. And so as I studied my bible in my daily devotions, I did several things.
I read the verse:
"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40
First, I would go to the reference verses and the commentary:
no commentary.
reference:
is 8:20
20 To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
is 34:16
16 " Search from the book of the LORD, and read:
Not one of these shall fail;
Not one shall lack her mate.
For My mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them.
lu 24:27
27 And beginning at Moses and all the Prophets, He expounded to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself.
It begins to paint a picture: Jesus is telling them that his presence is a fulfillment of the scripture.
But still, I feel that God has led me to this verse today for a reason. And I haven't taken from it much more than an encouragement that Jesus is the Way. Maybe that's all. Maybe He wants to give me more from that.
My initial response might be to ask my pastor. Or to ask a friend. Or to look up the words in the strong's concordance. Or to look up the passage in any number of bible handbooks. Or to bring it up at a bible study.
ANd that's where it happens: suddenly I've given control of my biblical interpretation to another! Suddenly, my pastor, who is a scriptural authority, or my author of my bible handbook, or the author of my study bible notes, or Mr. Strong... that person becomes the theologist that I have entrusted to help me gain more insight.
when I realized that ALL of us interpret the bible in one way or another, , it answered the question that had always bothered me: how can Mormons, Jehova's Witnesses, Catholics, Baptists, Pentacostals, Presbytarians, and even Unitarians read the Bible, the same bible, and then come to such varied and different conclusions about doctrine?
I've always known that we do this on some level..but I never realized the implications until recently. Suddenly, it doesn't make me want to bash my head against a wall whenever I hear someone quote scripture "out of context." I say that in quotations because they aren't always doing it out of context. They are often doing it "from their own interpretation." "from their own theological perspective."
What do we do when one verse means one thing to one person and one thing to another? Yes, ask God. Sure. But that's like saying... Oh, I don't know. "Get out of the boat, and walk on the water." It's not the right answer.
The right answer is to look and see if our interpretation is historically and archeologically valid. Can we prove-- or at least, not disprove-- through science, history, or social history that this was so? Can we, at the very least, prove that the first Christians, those who walked with Christ, or who were discipled by those who KNEW Jesus Christ in the flesh, believed this way?
In this way, God speaks to us.
THEN, as we build a correct theology, we are able to go deeper and to receive accurate knowledge of the truth and to find more profound meaning in the text than just the surface meaning.
That's how I "came home to Rome," because I can now show you, in every doctrinal point that I believe, WHY I believe what I do. Not only based on scripture, which is absolutely necessary, but based on the fact that my predecessors, the earliest recorded Christians, believed and taught and protected as truth these same things.
Because of that, I have chosen to give my own control over to the church, to allow the church to have a part in how I interpret scripture, and to see that I have chosen to give the interpretation of the things I find "difficult" or "complex" to be from true sources of early Christianity, sources which I know will be accurate because they were the initial "defenders of the faith!"
Because of that, I can trust that the "hard verses" will be interpreted correctly.
And through that confidence, I am free to hear God's voice in my morning devotions without fear that I will err and hear anything other than Him:
I know now that Eucharistic theology demonstrates the importance of the verse above. Jesus said this just before he fed the great multitude (6:1-12), and did so giving thanks over the bread and protecting what remained as a predecessor of the eucharistic feast. In relation to the Eucharist, I can look at the verse above and hear Jesus saying: "I am the Word, and you will find me in the scriptures, but do not neglect to meet me in the Eucharist, where you can come to Me for life."
"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40
I can not tell you how much deeper and more beautiful that simple passage of scripture is to me now.... I am loving every minute of this walk. And all of that because I was finally willing to admit that we ALL interpret scripture.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Comparative Religions
I stumbled across a terrible argument that my husband and my dearest friend had last night in the R&P. I cannot tell you how upsetting it was to me. First, because I know that both strive to please God, to live like Christ, and to love one another.
Second, because I know what each one is going through that causes them to respond and act the way they do individually. And third, because I just cannot see the value anymore in these types of arguments: "You're a Christian," "No you aren't.," "Yes, I am, and here's why." "Oh yeah? Well here are my twenty scriptures that say that you aren't." " really? Because here are thirty that say that I am."
and on and on and on and on it goes.
I used to think that the point of apologetics was to prove other doctrines false. And while I maintain that that's a part of it, I now think the point is to prove OUR doctrine right.
Because the bottom line, in this world, is that we want to see people brought to the REAL Jesus. And however we choose to do this, it needs to be in the utmost humility..esteeming the other person more important than ourselves. We do not know what other people are experiencing and going through.
How easy is it , for us who live in the R&P, to look at two posts, think we have the person "all figured out" and then proceed to try to "shut them down
so that they face the truth.
Instead of doing that, let's try St Francis' method of sharing the gospel:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
For the next paragraph,
(M) symbolizes LDS
(C) symbolizes Catholic
(Ch) symbolizes Mainstream Christian
Here is my understanding of the three groups' basic doctrine:
The nature of God (C) Trinity: 3 persons, 1 God (Ch) Trinity: 3 Persons, 1 God (M) Godhead: 3 persons (gods), separate, operating in unity as one God.
The nature of Man (C) Dignity and a need for salvation due to original sin (Ch) depravity or total depravity and a need for salvation (M) dignity and a need for salvation which was accomplished by Christ's death on the cross.
The goal (C) Heaven, by way of sanctification (Ch) Heaven, by way of sanctification while alive on earth only (M) One of three heavens, ultimately, the highest level.
The problem (C) Once original sin has been washed away in baptism, we still sin. This keeps us from sanctification. (Ch) Once we receive Christ through a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from being holy on earth. (M) Once we have made a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from achieving our best effort for sanctification and thus compromises which level of heaven we will attain.
The solution (C) Confession and repentance, daily acts of penance and a personal relationship with Christ (Ch) a personal relationship with Christ which should end up in confession and repentance (M) Confession and repentance and a personal relationship with Christ.
The scriptures (C) the Holy Bible, complete. (Ch) The Holy Bible, minus a few books (M) The Holy Bible, KJV, plus the Book of Mormon, works by JS, and any other "offcial statements" or expressions of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The church (C) The Body of Christ on earth, both literally and figuratively. The institution which was set up by CHrist through the first pope, Peter. The structure which represents both apostolic authority and unity in the Holy SPirit. (Ch) the body of Christ on earth, comprised of people from every denomination who profess faith in Christ (M) The institution set up by Jesus Christ Himself on earth.
The structure of authority.
The issue?
(Ch) LDS teaches a gospel different than that of the Bible alone. Thus, the church itself cannot be true. LDS should get out in order to receive teachings which do not clash with the Bible. LDS people are very kind and wonderful citizens, but this will not get them into heaven, and ultimately, that's all that matters.
(C) LDS and Catholics have much to partner on and agree on many things. Unfortunately, the foundational doctrines are so different that the Catholic church cannot, in right conscience, accept the baptisms of members of the LDS Church as "the baptism of Jesus" and ask that people who wish to be Catholics and were once LDS be re-baptized (even though other "Christian" denominations' baptisms are seen as valid). Although the doctrinal differences are great, and the LDS teachings may not result in salvation, the Catholic church wishes to afford the LDS Church both human dignity and service and gratitude for their exemplary moral behavior. The most important thing to keep in mind, however, is that heaven is waiting and we must light the way.
(M) Although the mainstream Christian world is in apostasy and has apostasized, the LDS CHurch wishes to bring both love and service to the people of the world and to share their hope due to the restoration of the "complete" gospel. While maintaining a safe "distance" from the world, LDS have a responsibility to render compassion to all and to share the Book of Mormon as a way of sharing the "fullness" of the gospel and thus preparing the people they encounter for eternity.
I have to say, nothing that I have ever read or heard from Latter Day Saint sources has ever been even remotely compatible with what I consider to be "the truth," the word of God.
I disagree wholeheartedly with nearly every lesson in the "Gospel Principles" book. I DO fear for the salvation of mormons... I really do. Especially those, who, like my dear friend, have been exposed to doctrinal inconsistencies in mormonism, as opposed to ones who were raised mormons and have never really had any experience studying or hearing about what the Bible teaches is the nature of God, etc.
That being said, may I never forget how many sincere and wholly zealous people are in the LDS Church. May I never forget that these people are reaching out to God in heaven....and that my poor prayers can only be offered up to God's divine mercy. May I never forget that these people have a TESTIMONY, and thus they will fight for that testimony because they beleive IN FAITH, and that is not something you can "reason away" from people.-
Instead of this constant squabbling back and forth, I prefer to dialogue... and to do so in total humility, which I hope will be an outward sign of my desire to unite all people's under the Banner of Heaven.
Please hold me accountable to this, if you were to catch me debating in the R&P, because my desire is for PEACE. I will not compromise truth for that peace, but may I never be an impediment TO that true peace which comes from accurate knowledge of Jesus Christ.
One of the biggest problems I'm having right now is that I've been taught to see demons everywhere, but I have rarely been taught to see the Face of Christ in everyone I meet.
Second, because I know what each one is going through that causes them to respond and act the way they do individually. And third, because I just cannot see the value anymore in these types of arguments: "You're a Christian," "No you aren't.," "Yes, I am, and here's why." "Oh yeah? Well here are my twenty scriptures that say that you aren't." " really? Because here are thirty that say that I am."
and on and on and on and on it goes.
I used to think that the point of apologetics was to prove other doctrines false. And while I maintain that that's a part of it, I now think the point is to prove OUR doctrine right.
Because the bottom line, in this world, is that we want to see people brought to the REAL Jesus. And however we choose to do this, it needs to be in the utmost humility..esteeming the other person more important than ourselves. We do not know what other people are experiencing and going through.
How easy is it , for us who live in the R&P, to look at two posts, think we have the person "all figured out" and then proceed to try to "shut them down
so that they face the truth.
Instead of doing that, let's try St Francis' method of sharing the gospel:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
For the next paragraph,
(M) symbolizes LDS
(C) symbolizes Catholic
(Ch) symbolizes Mainstream Christian
Here is my understanding of the three groups' basic doctrine:
The nature of God (C) Trinity: 3 persons, 1 God (Ch) Trinity: 3 Persons, 1 God (M) Godhead: 3 persons (gods), separate, operating in unity as one God.
The nature of Man (C) Dignity and a need for salvation due to original sin (Ch) depravity or total depravity and a need for salvation (M) dignity and a need for salvation which was accomplished by Christ's death on the cross.
The goal (C) Heaven, by way of sanctification (Ch) Heaven, by way of sanctification while alive on earth only (M) One of three heavens, ultimately, the highest level.
The problem (C) Once original sin has been washed away in baptism, we still sin. This keeps us from sanctification. (Ch) Once we receive Christ through a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from being holy on earth. (M) Once we have made a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from achieving our best effort for sanctification and thus compromises which level of heaven we will attain.
The solution (C) Confession and repentance, daily acts of penance and a personal relationship with Christ (Ch) a personal relationship with Christ which should end up in confession and repentance (M) Confession and repentance and a personal relationship with Christ.
The scriptures (C) the Holy Bible, complete. (Ch) The Holy Bible, minus a few books (M) The Holy Bible, KJV, plus the Book of Mormon, works by JS, and any other "offcial statements" or expressions of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The church (C) The Body of Christ on earth, both literally and figuratively. The institution which was set up by CHrist through the first pope, Peter. The structure which represents both apostolic authority and unity in the Holy SPirit. (Ch) the body of Christ on earth, comprised of people from every denomination who profess faith in Christ (M) The institution set up by Jesus Christ Himself on earth.
The structure of authority.
The issue?
(Ch) LDS teaches a gospel different than that of the Bible alone. Thus, the church itself cannot be true. LDS should get out in order to receive teachings which do not clash with the Bible. LDS people are very kind and wonderful citizens, but this will not get them into heaven, and ultimately, that's all that matters.
(C) LDS and Catholics have much to partner on and agree on many things. Unfortunately, the foundational doctrines are so different that the Catholic church cannot, in right conscience, accept the baptisms of members of the LDS Church as "the baptism of Jesus" and ask that people who wish to be Catholics and were once LDS be re-baptized (even though other "Christian" denominations' baptisms are seen as valid). Although the doctrinal differences are great, and the LDS teachings may not result in salvation, the Catholic church wishes to afford the LDS Church both human dignity and service and gratitude for their exemplary moral behavior. The most important thing to keep in mind, however, is that heaven is waiting and we must light the way.
(M) Although the mainstream Christian world is in apostasy and has apostasized, the LDS CHurch wishes to bring both love and service to the people of the world and to share their hope due to the restoration of the "complete" gospel. While maintaining a safe "distance" from the world, LDS have a responsibility to render compassion to all and to share the Book of Mormon as a way of sharing the "fullness" of the gospel and thus preparing the people they encounter for eternity.
I have to say, nothing that I have ever read or heard from Latter Day Saint sources has ever been even remotely compatible with what I consider to be "the truth," the word of God.
I disagree wholeheartedly with nearly every lesson in the "Gospel Principles" book. I DO fear for the salvation of mormons... I really do. Especially those, who, like my dear friend, have been exposed to doctrinal inconsistencies in mormonism, as opposed to ones who were raised mormons and have never really had any experience studying or hearing about what the Bible teaches is the nature of God, etc.
That being said, may I never forget how many sincere and wholly zealous people are in the LDS Church. May I never forget that these people are reaching out to God in heaven....and that my poor prayers can only be offered up to God's divine mercy. May I never forget that these people have a TESTIMONY, and thus they will fight for that testimony because they beleive IN FAITH, and that is not something you can "reason away" from people.-
Instead of this constant squabbling back and forth, I prefer to dialogue... and to do so in total humility, which I hope will be an outward sign of my desire to unite all people's under the Banner of Heaven.
Please hold me accountable to this, if you were to catch me debating in the R&P, because my desire is for PEACE. I will not compromise truth for that peace, but may I never be an impediment TO that true peace which comes from accurate knowledge of Jesus Christ.
One of the biggest problems I'm having right now is that I've been taught to see demons everywhere, but I have rarely been taught to see the Face of Christ in everyone I meet.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Colossians on Compassion
Colossians 3:
12
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
13
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
14
And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.
15
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.
16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
These verses are so rich, and they encompass exactly what I think I’ve been trying to depict for so long that bothered me about being a part of the evangelical movement.
Heartfelt compassion.
Kindness.
Humility.
Gentleness.
Patience.
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE that the Roman Catholic Church does not contain the fullness of the truth of the gospel, that it is not the church founded by Christ and that the idea of searching for the “true church” is frivolous, then how do you plan on embodying these things towards Catholics? How can you show them these things… and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?
Likewise, Catholics, if you really and truly believe that the Catholic Church is the church founded by Christ, that it is the sole source of true authority, and that it’s teachings are correct… then how can you demonstrate these things to protestants and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?
The scripture itself lays it out:
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And again:
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.
These things seem easy, but in the face of such highly charged conversations as the ones we have been having, I have to say that I have failed MISERABLY at doing just this! I stand convicted in the face of God’s Word at having been totally (and deliberately) striving against my protestant brothers and sisters by having forgotten to forgive (I admit, it has given me so much pain to lose friendships over these things!) and having forgotten to be a bringer of PEACE and thankfulness.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
May we all do these things over and over again:
As I suggested yesterday, let us all spend time in the Word of God, getting to know Him intimately.
Let us teach and admonish each other IN ALL WISDOM.
Let us sing psalms (by the way, Catholics do this literally five times a day… in the liturgy of the hours. We chant the psalms. J)
Hymns…. And spiritual songs. With gratitude in our hearts to God!
By doing all of this, and by following the further advice to the Colossians to :
(4)2
Persevere in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving;
3
at the same time, pray for us, too, that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak of the mystery of Christ (…)
5
Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
6
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you know how you should respond to each one.
May we always find ourselves in perfect unity of the Holy Spirit. And may we always be content to grow in godliness and persevere in our walks.
May we form our consciences on the Word of God as time goes by, so that we become more and more like Christ!
12
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
13
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
14
And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.
15
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.
16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
These verses are so rich, and they encompass exactly what I think I’ve been trying to depict for so long that bothered me about being a part of the evangelical movement.
Heartfelt compassion.
Kindness.
Humility.
Gentleness.
Patience.
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE that the Roman Catholic Church does not contain the fullness of the truth of the gospel, that it is not the church founded by Christ and that the idea of searching for the “true church” is frivolous, then how do you plan on embodying these things towards Catholics? How can you show them these things… and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?
Likewise, Catholics, if you really and truly believe that the Catholic Church is the church founded by Christ, that it is the sole source of true authority, and that it’s teachings are correct… then how can you demonstrate these things to protestants and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?
The scripture itself lays it out:
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And again:
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.
These things seem easy, but in the face of such highly charged conversations as the ones we have been having, I have to say that I have failed MISERABLY at doing just this! I stand convicted in the face of God’s Word at having been totally (and deliberately) striving against my protestant brothers and sisters by having forgotten to forgive (I admit, it has given me so much pain to lose friendships over these things!) and having forgotten to be a bringer of PEACE and thankfulness.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
May we all do these things over and over again:
As I suggested yesterday, let us all spend time in the Word of God, getting to know Him intimately.
Let us teach and admonish each other IN ALL WISDOM.
Let us sing psalms (by the way, Catholics do this literally five times a day… in the liturgy of the hours. We chant the psalms. J)
Hymns…. And spiritual songs. With gratitude in our hearts to God!
By doing all of this, and by following the further advice to the Colossians to :
(4)2
Persevere in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving;
3
at the same time, pray for us, too, that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak of the mystery of Christ (…)
5
Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
6
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you know how you should respond to each one.
May we always find ourselves in perfect unity of the Holy Spirit. And may we always be content to grow in godliness and persevere in our walks.
May we form our consciences on the Word of God as time goes by, so that we become more and more like Christ!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Growing Pains
DISCLAIMER: My computer broke on Monday night, so I am not able to be online much at all. Please forgive me if I take a while to respond to things. Also, my little bean's arm was broken on Monday. PLease Please please pray for her as she is suffering much and continues to.
I am about to confess to you guys something that the Lord has really laid on my heart.
I am so sorry. This blog tends to be a cathartic exercise for me… once which I take great pains to be honest and open in, even though the fact that it is widely publicized makes it difficult to do so without hurting others. I try to share what I’m really thinking and feeling, and that tends to mean that I blurt out a lot of stuff I shouldn’t necessarily be sharing with everyone in the whole world.
The last few months have been a classic example of that. I’ve been FAR too harsh on my protestant brothers and sisters, and far too frustrated with protestant THEOLOGY to allow room for dialogue, and I owe everyone who reads this blog an apology. I’ve hit, several times now, below the belt, because of my frustrations. Please forgive me.
In the paragraphs that follow, I’m going to try to explain what has been going through my mind and heart. I’m going to try to show you why I have experienced such a drastic change of heart, and why it’s been so hard to express without stepping on at least SOME toes… and hopefully, I’ll do so in a way that shows you how much I treasure your friendships and how much I treasure your fellowship.
And hopefully, at the end of this big, giant mess, we will find ourselves at the feet of Jesus.
I recently had a conversation with the woman who discipled me as I was first leaving the Catholic Church. She is someone who I respect as not only my spiritual superior but as a true Proverbs 31 woman in every sense of the word…she changed my life by always pointing me towards Jesus, and I am eternally grateful for her.
Over the years, I have always turned to her for advice. I found that I could count on her to always be the “voice of wisdom” for me, and I have always asked her to do so. As I have grown and changed as a Christian, going from superficially “believing” to molding my life daily after Jesus Christ, I discovered that I didn’t always agree with her assessment of things. Which surprised me whenever it happened, because I had always assumed that the more we both looked like Jesus, the more we would look like each other. That wasn’t at all the case, for instance, when I called her in a panic about what I was observing at the church in Isla Vista. She was neither alarmed nor concerned, and that both alarmed and concerned me. But through that incident, I learned that God often leads us to different things in different times and places…. That while He had graced her with specific gifts and callings, He had graced me with different ones, and that we would never “look” identical at the soul level. I’ve met people who I connect with in an “identical soul level” kinda way. It’s rare.
Anyways, her major concern was about the Marian issue. If I was praying to Mary, I was a victim of flawed theology. She reasoned with me that the Marian element of Catholicism was several things:
1. Idolatry.
2. A false elevation of the Biblical Mary, who was not mentioned often in the bible, and who, though she should certainly be praised for her willing obedience, wasn’t that important.
3. False because the dead in heaven have no contact or knowledge of the faithful on earth.
All of these things, incidentally, were the same objections which I brought to the table when Mary revealed her Immaculate Heart to me through the goings on at Medjugorje. And I can tell you, I (and Wayne) lost a lot of sleep over what to do.
On the one hand, we have the Marian Apparitions are demonic camp. On the other, we have the Marian Apparitions are from God camp. And there is a wide, (and serious) divide between the two. Wayne and I ultimately came to a “God can use anything to talk to anyone” place (remember, He used ASTROLOGY to speak to the maggi) but it took a LONG time for us to fully appreciate the Catholic Teachings on the Theology of the Body and how Mary is the perfect picture of the Bride of Christ, etc. A lot. These aren’t things we just woke up one day going… hmmm. Sounds nice. It was through MUCH prayer and contemplation and study that we came to the conclusion that
1. Mary holds a special place in God’s heart and therefore an important ministry.
2. Mary has been given to us (the church) as a spiritual mother.
3. Mary intercedes for her children on earth to her Son, pointing all who put their trust in her to Jesus Christ, who is HER Lord and HER Savior as well as ours.
We can back those things up chapter and verse, but to someone who’s mind is closed to the possibility that Marian apparitions might be of a nondemonic source, well… it’s an exercise in futility. Soooo, I was not expecting her to understand. She did bring up a verse that she felt demonstrated that the dead in heaven have no possible connection to those on the earth. I haven’t found that verse, but as I’ve been going through Revelations systematically, I have found to the contrary that it would seem that those “above” and those “below” are inextricably linked. Nevertheless, I promised her that I would evaluate, and evaluate I will. I am taking EVERYTHING you guys say into consideration (although I have to admit, most of your arguments are things that Wayne and I considered right off the bat and thus things that we overcame with theology, you know?)
That being said, she also said something which, as I meditate on it more and more, disturbs me the most. Her concern is not at all that I would want to be a member of the Catholic Church. Like many of you, she thinks, “hey, if that’s where God has you then no problem.” Her concern is that I am BELIEVING the teachings of the Catholic Church, which does NOT fit in with her theological worldview. After our talk, she wrote me an email saying that she hoped that I would be led to Jesus and not theology, and I can understand what she means. For someone who HASN’T studied theology but simply learned from ones’ teachers, etc, the “truths” evident in scripture are just that…evident. For me? It’s a little bit different. As a myspacer and now as a raveler, I’ve had to seriously study the roots and wheres and whys and hows of belief systems, from the ground up. You HAVE to, if apologetics is your thing. And just like alllll those seminary students who enthusiastically hightail it to Bible College to “make a difference,” and come out atheist graduates, I was finding some SERIOUS holes. Holes big enough that entire nations are slipping through. And those holes were killing me.
Because if I’m going to believe something is true, it HAS to make rational, reasonable sense to me. I believe in blind faith, but I believe that faith has to stem from the “TRuth” which is found in the Word of God. And the Word of God just doesn’t line up when it comes to some beliefs that I have always held as just plain, old, Bible truth.
How can that be? Because there are HOLES in the way we as protestants live out our lives and what the Bible SAYS to do. There is a huge chunk of missing stuff that we seem to have put aside. Much of it, like the idea of the Real Presence at the Eucharist, is like this:
Protestant: I believe the ENTIRE Bible is literal.
Catholic: I believe the Bible needs to be looked at in different lights. Some of it is literal, some of it allegorical, some of it prophetic, etc. But all of it is TRUE.
Protestant: I believe that Jesus is speaking symbolically when he says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood.
Catholic: But why? You just said the entire Bible was literally true.
Protestant: Because. It is symbolic.
That isn’t good enough for me. In my conversation with her, she said that she didn’t know either way because the Bible wasn’t conclusive about it and she was ok with not knowing. That isn’t good enough for me either! If the Bible is going to teach us an important doctrine like that (and we all agree that it’s important) then it’s going to show us CLEARLY the right way to observe it, right? Otherwise, God didn’t really think all this stuff through. And I know that’s not true! So, all of this to say that I don’t think the study of theology itself is fruitless because ultimately, it leads us CLOSER To God, so long as we are studying good theology. Which I had never really found until I began to look at theology from a Catholic perspective and realized why they need an entire city state to do this stuff-- because it’s THAT deep and meaningful.
Anyways, I realized in talking to her that many of YOU too, the ones who are OK with my move although probably a little bit disappointed, are OK with it because you believe that there ARE Christians in the Catholic Church. God is merciful!
BUT, as she put it to me, “You know the WHOLE truth. So God will expect you to hold fast to it and not fall into the trappings of religion.”
When she said that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I didn’t come to the Catholic Church, and neither did Wayne, because we wanted to be a part of it. WE came here because we believed that the RCC is teaching people the WHOLE truth. Not just parts and bits. The WHOLE truth. Which is a radical concept… but makes sense. Because we have received the BIBLE THROUGH the CHURCH, not the CHURCH because of the Bible. Before we had the Bible, the CHURCH was the source of all truth. And because of that, I can look at each of these teachings in light of tradition that is more than “religion.” It’s SACRED Tradition. It’s the literal words of the apostles. It’s the literal words of Christ. At the end of the book of John, it tells us that if we were to write down ALL the things which Christ did when he was here, not even the world itself could contain all the books. So why are we confined to the books of Scripture? Why do I keep hearing, as an objection, well “the Bible doesn’t SAY that!“ or “nowhere do I see anything that allows for that in scripture.”
YES, before you have a heart attack, sacred scripture is our measuring stick, our unique source of truth and inspired by the Holy Spirit, but do we not believe that the saints were also inspired by that same Holy Spirit?
Anyways, that’s the thing. I’m not buying the “The Church is the Body of Christ, everyone who believes in the Lord Jesus,” bit anymore and that isn’t because I think that non-Catholics are no longer members of the Body of Christ-- rather, I know that they are, just as I did before. But they are members of the lowercase “C” church, and not in union with the uppercase “C” church, which is the institution set up by Christ Himself as our “tool” for sanctification. It’s the only real authority, because the way I see it now, any protestant authority has only the authority we give it: I am under the authority of Manna church because I choose to belong to it, but when I leave, it has no authority over me. Not so for the Catholic Church, whether I am in union with it or not, it still holds the power wielded by the apostles, and passed on by the laying on of hands through the ages.
THAT is what’s really freaking people out. THAT is why I keep offending people, because if I believe that they think that I no longer believe scripture, when in fact the opposite is true-- all of those obscure statements in scripture are suddenly crystal clear to me.
Do I think I have all the answers? No way. But I am finally finding answers to the questions that have been plaguing me for YEARS. Things like:
If we go to heaven when we die, then why do we raise people from the dead? Who would want to come back here?
What’s the deal with deathbed confessions? Heaven or no?
If Jesus Christ forgives ALL our sins immediately upon our “acceptance” of Him as our Savior and initial repentance, then why do we keep repenting and asking forgiveness? Likewise, why do we continue to sin?
If we are all “Asleep” until judgement day, then how come some people aren’t and are seen in the Bible?
If we are supposed to be “One” as He and the Father are One, then what the heck is wrong with us? How can we fix this lack of oneness problem? There seems to be no answer!
How come I feel constantly compelled to judge people by the standard of scripture as an evangelical tool (DO you know you’re a sinner?) instead of just serving people and “loving God and loving my neighbor?”
If the dead can’t hear us or know what’s going on with us, then why does Revelations say they can?
If the dead in heaven are disconnected from us on earth and have nothing to do with us, are no longer married to each other, are no longer in families, etc., then how is it heaven?
And on and on it goes.
Anyways, this is NOT a blog to delineate the differences, yet again, between Catholics and Protestants although it HAS to go that direction in order for you to understand what I am saying:
It’s NATURAL for the fact that we have come to believe that what the Catholic Church teaches, in its entirety, is THE Truth, can make you freak out. WE get that. But that doesn’t make it any less true. What we “thought” we understood about God and life and “theology” (which isn’t a bad word, just a confusing word, in the end) didn’t hold up to the pressure. So what I’m saying is, just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that we’ve “turned away from the truth.” It means that suddenly, for you and for us, the definition of “Truth” is a bit skewed. It means that one of us is doing something a little “more” right than the other. And that’s OK, because according to our own consciences and our own relationships WITH God, we are doing what HE is leading us to do. Not what WE are being led to do in a human way. SO I guess what I’m saying is, if I want to be treated respectfully as a person who a) knows her bible and b) is totally submitted to her Lord and Savior I have to remember that everyone I know and love who doesn’t have the same THEOLOGY as me still a) knows their bible and b) are totally submitted to their Lord and Savior.
Ultimately, we have to act within the confines of our own consciences. And we cannot cannot cannot attack each other. I have been dead wrong to paint protestants in such an unsavory light, because in doing so I’m just as bad as the protestants who do the same to Catholics! What I propose so that healing is experienced by all is this:
1. Let’s all get to crackin’ open the word of God. Really.
2. Let’s all do so while trying to remove the “skin” we think it wears. Let’s always try to be objective as we look at scripture and not to take anything for granted as “obvious,” but to let scripture speak for itself.
3. Let’s all remember to love on each other instead of cracking heads over theology. Because good theology leads us TO Jesus, and not away from Him. It brings us together to the foot of the cross, and enables us to experience His divine mercy in ways we couldn’t if our ideas about Him didn’t hold up to the pressure.
My key sin for the last few months has been a TOTAL lack of humility. I didn’t see that because I was so obviously humbled by the Eucharist and focusing on that. But what I missed was that I was NOT humbled by my protestant brothers and sisters who genuinely LOVE Jesus and are living to serve Him the best way they know how. I have no right to take that away from them, even if it isn’t what I personally believe is “fully” true. Ultimately, we are all the sons and daughters of the King, and it’s high time we learned to live together in the Kingdom.
I am about to confess to you guys something that the Lord has really laid on my heart.
I am so sorry. This blog tends to be a cathartic exercise for me… once which I take great pains to be honest and open in, even though the fact that it is widely publicized makes it difficult to do so without hurting others. I try to share what I’m really thinking and feeling, and that tends to mean that I blurt out a lot of stuff I shouldn’t necessarily be sharing with everyone in the whole world.
The last few months have been a classic example of that. I’ve been FAR too harsh on my protestant brothers and sisters, and far too frustrated with protestant THEOLOGY to allow room for dialogue, and I owe everyone who reads this blog an apology. I’ve hit, several times now, below the belt, because of my frustrations. Please forgive me.
In the paragraphs that follow, I’m going to try to explain what has been going through my mind and heart. I’m going to try to show you why I have experienced such a drastic change of heart, and why it’s been so hard to express without stepping on at least SOME toes… and hopefully, I’ll do so in a way that shows you how much I treasure your friendships and how much I treasure your fellowship.
And hopefully, at the end of this big, giant mess, we will find ourselves at the feet of Jesus.
I recently had a conversation with the woman who discipled me as I was first leaving the Catholic Church. She is someone who I respect as not only my spiritual superior but as a true Proverbs 31 woman in every sense of the word…she changed my life by always pointing me towards Jesus, and I am eternally grateful for her.
Over the years, I have always turned to her for advice. I found that I could count on her to always be the “voice of wisdom” for me, and I have always asked her to do so. As I have grown and changed as a Christian, going from superficially “believing” to molding my life daily after Jesus Christ, I discovered that I didn’t always agree with her assessment of things. Which surprised me whenever it happened, because I had always assumed that the more we both looked like Jesus, the more we would look like each other. That wasn’t at all the case, for instance, when I called her in a panic about what I was observing at the church in Isla Vista. She was neither alarmed nor concerned, and that both alarmed and concerned me. But through that incident, I learned that God often leads us to different things in different times and places…. That while He had graced her with specific gifts and callings, He had graced me with different ones, and that we would never “look” identical at the soul level. I’ve met people who I connect with in an “identical soul level” kinda way. It’s rare.
Anyways, her major concern was about the Marian issue. If I was praying to Mary, I was a victim of flawed theology. She reasoned with me that the Marian element of Catholicism was several things:
1. Idolatry.
2. A false elevation of the Biblical Mary, who was not mentioned often in the bible, and who, though she should certainly be praised for her willing obedience, wasn’t that important.
3. False because the dead in heaven have no contact or knowledge of the faithful on earth.
All of these things, incidentally, were the same objections which I brought to the table when Mary revealed her Immaculate Heart to me through the goings on at Medjugorje. And I can tell you, I (and Wayne) lost a lot of sleep over what to do.
On the one hand, we have the Marian Apparitions are demonic camp. On the other, we have the Marian Apparitions are from God camp. And there is a wide, (and serious) divide between the two. Wayne and I ultimately came to a “God can use anything to talk to anyone” place (remember, He used ASTROLOGY to speak to the maggi) but it took a LONG time for us to fully appreciate the Catholic Teachings on the Theology of the Body and how Mary is the perfect picture of the Bride of Christ, etc. A lot. These aren’t things we just woke up one day going… hmmm. Sounds nice. It was through MUCH prayer and contemplation and study that we came to the conclusion that
1. Mary holds a special place in God’s heart and therefore an important ministry.
2. Mary has been given to us (the church) as a spiritual mother.
3. Mary intercedes for her children on earth to her Son, pointing all who put their trust in her to Jesus Christ, who is HER Lord and HER Savior as well as ours.
We can back those things up chapter and verse, but to someone who’s mind is closed to the possibility that Marian apparitions might be of a nondemonic source, well… it’s an exercise in futility. Soooo, I was not expecting her to understand. She did bring up a verse that she felt demonstrated that the dead in heaven have no possible connection to those on the earth. I haven’t found that verse, but as I’ve been going through Revelations systematically, I have found to the contrary that it would seem that those “above” and those “below” are inextricably linked. Nevertheless, I promised her that I would evaluate, and evaluate I will. I am taking EVERYTHING you guys say into consideration (although I have to admit, most of your arguments are things that Wayne and I considered right off the bat and thus things that we overcame with theology, you know?)
That being said, she also said something which, as I meditate on it more and more, disturbs me the most. Her concern is not at all that I would want to be a member of the Catholic Church. Like many of you, she thinks, “hey, if that’s where God has you then no problem.” Her concern is that I am BELIEVING the teachings of the Catholic Church, which does NOT fit in with her theological worldview. After our talk, she wrote me an email saying that she hoped that I would be led to Jesus and not theology, and I can understand what she means. For someone who HASN’T studied theology but simply learned from ones’ teachers, etc, the “truths” evident in scripture are just that…evident. For me? It’s a little bit different. As a myspacer and now as a raveler, I’ve had to seriously study the roots and wheres and whys and hows of belief systems, from the ground up. You HAVE to, if apologetics is your thing. And just like alllll those seminary students who enthusiastically hightail it to Bible College to “make a difference,” and come out atheist graduates, I was finding some SERIOUS holes. Holes big enough that entire nations are slipping through. And those holes were killing me.
Because if I’m going to believe something is true, it HAS to make rational, reasonable sense to me. I believe in blind faith, but I believe that faith has to stem from the “TRuth” which is found in the Word of God. And the Word of God just doesn’t line up when it comes to some beliefs that I have always held as just plain, old, Bible truth.
How can that be? Because there are HOLES in the way we as protestants live out our lives and what the Bible SAYS to do. There is a huge chunk of missing stuff that we seem to have put aside. Much of it, like the idea of the Real Presence at the Eucharist, is like this:
Protestant: I believe the ENTIRE Bible is literal.
Catholic: I believe the Bible needs to be looked at in different lights. Some of it is literal, some of it allegorical, some of it prophetic, etc. But all of it is TRUE.
Protestant: I believe that Jesus is speaking symbolically when he says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood.
Catholic: But why? You just said the entire Bible was literally true.
Protestant: Because. It is symbolic.
That isn’t good enough for me. In my conversation with her, she said that she didn’t know either way because the Bible wasn’t conclusive about it and she was ok with not knowing. That isn’t good enough for me either! If the Bible is going to teach us an important doctrine like that (and we all agree that it’s important) then it’s going to show us CLEARLY the right way to observe it, right? Otherwise, God didn’t really think all this stuff through. And I know that’s not true! So, all of this to say that I don’t think the study of theology itself is fruitless because ultimately, it leads us CLOSER To God, so long as we are studying good theology. Which I had never really found until I began to look at theology from a Catholic perspective and realized why they need an entire city state to do this stuff-- because it’s THAT deep and meaningful.
Anyways, I realized in talking to her that many of YOU too, the ones who are OK with my move although probably a little bit disappointed, are OK with it because you believe that there ARE Christians in the Catholic Church. God is merciful!
BUT, as she put it to me, “You know the WHOLE truth. So God will expect you to hold fast to it and not fall into the trappings of religion.”
When she said that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I didn’t come to the Catholic Church, and neither did Wayne, because we wanted to be a part of it. WE came here because we believed that the RCC is teaching people the WHOLE truth. Not just parts and bits. The WHOLE truth. Which is a radical concept… but makes sense. Because we have received the BIBLE THROUGH the CHURCH, not the CHURCH because of the Bible. Before we had the Bible, the CHURCH was the source of all truth. And because of that, I can look at each of these teachings in light of tradition that is more than “religion.” It’s SACRED Tradition. It’s the literal words of the apostles. It’s the literal words of Christ. At the end of the book of John, it tells us that if we were to write down ALL the things which Christ did when he was here, not even the world itself could contain all the books. So why are we confined to the books of Scripture? Why do I keep hearing, as an objection, well “the Bible doesn’t SAY that!“ or “nowhere do I see anything that allows for that in scripture.”
YES, before you have a heart attack, sacred scripture is our measuring stick, our unique source of truth and inspired by the Holy Spirit, but do we not believe that the saints were also inspired by that same Holy Spirit?
Anyways, that’s the thing. I’m not buying the “The Church is the Body of Christ, everyone who believes in the Lord Jesus,” bit anymore and that isn’t because I think that non-Catholics are no longer members of the Body of Christ-- rather, I know that they are, just as I did before. But they are members of the lowercase “C” church, and not in union with the uppercase “C” church, which is the institution set up by Christ Himself as our “tool” for sanctification. It’s the only real authority, because the way I see it now, any protestant authority has only the authority we give it: I am under the authority of Manna church because I choose to belong to it, but when I leave, it has no authority over me. Not so for the Catholic Church, whether I am in union with it or not, it still holds the power wielded by the apostles, and passed on by the laying on of hands through the ages.
THAT is what’s really freaking people out. THAT is why I keep offending people, because if I believe that they think that I no longer believe scripture, when in fact the opposite is true-- all of those obscure statements in scripture are suddenly crystal clear to me.
Do I think I have all the answers? No way. But I am finally finding answers to the questions that have been plaguing me for YEARS. Things like:
If we go to heaven when we die, then why do we raise people from the dead? Who would want to come back here?
What’s the deal with deathbed confessions? Heaven or no?
If Jesus Christ forgives ALL our sins immediately upon our “acceptance” of Him as our Savior and initial repentance, then why do we keep repenting and asking forgiveness? Likewise, why do we continue to sin?
If we are all “Asleep” until judgement day, then how come some people aren’t and are seen in the Bible?
If we are supposed to be “One” as He and the Father are One, then what the heck is wrong with us? How can we fix this lack of oneness problem? There seems to be no answer!
How come I feel constantly compelled to judge people by the standard of scripture as an evangelical tool (DO you know you’re a sinner?) instead of just serving people and “loving God and loving my neighbor?”
If the dead can’t hear us or know what’s going on with us, then why does Revelations say they can?
If the dead in heaven are disconnected from us on earth and have nothing to do with us, are no longer married to each other, are no longer in families, etc., then how is it heaven?
And on and on it goes.
Anyways, this is NOT a blog to delineate the differences, yet again, between Catholics and Protestants although it HAS to go that direction in order for you to understand what I am saying:
It’s NATURAL for the fact that we have come to believe that what the Catholic Church teaches, in its entirety, is THE Truth, can make you freak out. WE get that. But that doesn’t make it any less true. What we “thought” we understood about God and life and “theology” (which isn’t a bad word, just a confusing word, in the end) didn’t hold up to the pressure. So what I’m saying is, just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that we’ve “turned away from the truth.” It means that suddenly, for you and for us, the definition of “Truth” is a bit skewed. It means that one of us is doing something a little “more” right than the other. And that’s OK, because according to our own consciences and our own relationships WITH God, we are doing what HE is leading us to do. Not what WE are being led to do in a human way. SO I guess what I’m saying is, if I want to be treated respectfully as a person who a) knows her bible and b) is totally submitted to her Lord and Savior I have to remember that everyone I know and love who doesn’t have the same THEOLOGY as me still a) knows their bible and b) are totally submitted to their Lord and Savior.
Ultimately, we have to act within the confines of our own consciences. And we cannot cannot cannot attack each other. I have been dead wrong to paint protestants in such an unsavory light, because in doing so I’m just as bad as the protestants who do the same to Catholics! What I propose so that healing is experienced by all is this:
1. Let’s all get to crackin’ open the word of God. Really.
2. Let’s all do so while trying to remove the “skin” we think it wears. Let’s always try to be objective as we look at scripture and not to take anything for granted as “obvious,” but to let scripture speak for itself.
3. Let’s all remember to love on each other instead of cracking heads over theology. Because good theology leads us TO Jesus, and not away from Him. It brings us together to the foot of the cross, and enables us to experience His divine mercy in ways we couldn’t if our ideas about Him didn’t hold up to the pressure.
My key sin for the last few months has been a TOTAL lack of humility. I didn’t see that because I was so obviously humbled by the Eucharist and focusing on that. But what I missed was that I was NOT humbled by my protestant brothers and sisters who genuinely LOVE Jesus and are living to serve Him the best way they know how. I have no right to take that away from them, even if it isn’t what I personally believe is “fully” true. Ultimately, we are all the sons and daughters of the King, and it’s high time we learned to live together in the Kingdom.
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