Attention to the Will of the Child

The Way of the Will should be taught to Children.––It is something to know what to do with ourselves when we are beset, and the knowledge of this way of the will is so far the secret of a happy life, that it is well worth imparting to the children. Are you cross? Change your thoughts. Are you tired of trying? Change your thoughts. Are you craving for things you are not to have? Change your thoughts;
there is a power within you, your own will, which will enable you to turn your attention from thoughts that make you unhappy and wrong, to thoughts that make you happy and right. And this is the exceedingly simple way in which the will acts; this is the sole secret of the power over himself which the strong man wields––he can compel himself to think of what he chooses, and will not allow himself in thoughts that breed mischief.

Power of Will implies Power of Attention.––But you perceive that, though the will is all-powerful within certain limits, these are but narrow limits after all. Much must go before and along with a vigorous will if it is to be a power in the ruling of conduct. For instance, the man must have acquired the habit of attention, the great importance of which we have already considered. There are bird-witted people, who have no power of thinking connectedly for five minutes under any pressure, from within or from without. If they have never been trained to apply the whole of their mental faculties to a given subject, why, no energy of will, supposing they had it, which is impossible, could make them think steadily thoughts of their own choosing or of anyone else's. Here is how the parts of the intellectual fabric dovetail: power of will implies power of attention; and before the parent can begin to train the will of the child, he must have begun to form in him the habit of attention. (Charlotte Mason, Volume 1, pg 326)

This passage struck me this morning while I was searching for answers to a parenting problem I've been having.

It's interesting and very accurate: children need to have ignited in them a desire to do right because it is heroic and courageous. What it comes down to is a simple fact: motivation comes to them in the same way the Gospel comes to us: It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance, and the pursuit of truth and beauty that reveals His character to us.

My husband and I have worked tirelessly at instilling the habit of attention in our oldest and the payoff has been great both for her and for us.It worked so well that when my son came along, we were flabbergasted that he had not simply absorbed the habit in utero and we began a long line of battles with him in which we were mystified by his behavior, much of which was contrasted to that of his older sister, generally a careful attention-payer. One day, very recently, we realized our mistake: we had never focused with him on the habit of attention, without which the habit of obedience is truly only half a habit. We set about working on it and noticed a difference in his BEHAVIOR almost immediately.

The art of enlisting the will is a subject on which Charlotte Mason spends a good deal of time. It is worth reading her ideas because they keep in mind that while God is sovereign, we must be willing co-operators.
It reminds us that our children have human dignity, which in turn enables us to see them as persons rather than objects, a tendency which all people struggle with.

CM CHALLENGE: This month, I will be meditating on the above passage and looking for more ways to enlist my children's will and to instill the habit of attention in all of them.

What did this passage speak to you?

Parenting tips from Charlotte Mason

Always Telling––'I'm sure I am always telling her'––to keep her drawers neat, or to hold up her head and speak nicely, or to be quick and careful about an errand, says the poor mother, with tears in her eyes; and indeed this, of 'always telling' him or her is a weary process for the mother; dull, because hopeless. She goes on 'telling' to deliver her own soul, for she has long since ceased to expect any result: and we know how dreary is work without hope. But, perhaps, even his mother does not know how unutterably dreary is this always 'telling,' which produces nothing, to the child. At first he is fretful and impatient under the patter of idle words; then he puts up with the inevitable; and comes at last hardly to be aware that the thing is being said. As for any impression on his character, any habit really formed, all this labour is without result; the child does the thing when he cannot help it, and evades as often as he can. And the poor disappointed mother says,' I'm sure I've tried as much as any mother to train my children in good habits, but I have failed.' She is not altogether dispirited, however. The children have not the habits she wished to train them in; but they grow up warm-hearted, good-natured, bright young people, by no means children to be ashamed of. All the same, the mother's sense of failure is a monition to be trusted.
Our failures in life are, perhaps, due, for the most part, to the defects of our qualities; and, therefore, it is not enough to send children into the world with just the inheritance of character they get from their parents.

Some Practical Counsels––Let me offer a few definite practical counsels to a parent who wishes to deal seriously with a bad habit. First––Let us remember that this bad habit has made its record in the brain. Second––There is only one way of obliterating such record; the absolute cessation of the habit for a considerable space of time, say some six or eight weeks. Third––During this interval new growth, new cell connections, are somehow or other taking place, and the physical seat of the evil is undergoing a natural healing. Fourth––But the only way to secure this pause is to introduce some new habit as attractive to the child as is the wrong habit you set yourself to cure. Fifth––As the bad habit usually arises from the defect of some quality in the child it should not be difficult for the parent who knows his child's character to introduce the contrary good habit. Sixth––Take a moment of happy confidence between parent and child; introduce, by tale or example, the stimulating idea; get the child's will with you. Seventh––Do not tell him to do the new thing, but quietly and cheerfully see that he does it on all possible occasions, for weeks if need be, all the time stimulating the new idea, until it takes great hold of the child's imagination. Eighth––Watch most carefully against any recurrence of the bad habit. Ninth––Should the old fault recur, do not condone it. Let the punishment, chiefly the sense of your estrangenient, be acutely felt. Let the child feel the shame not only of having done wrong, but of having done wrong when it was perfectly easy to avoid the wrong and do the right. Above all, 'watch unto prayer' and teach your child dependence upon divine aid in this warfare of the spirit; but, also, the absolute necessity for his own efforts.

-- Charlotte Mason, Vol 2 p 174-176

Gifts and blessings

Got a very sweet gift yesterday from Amy at Little House on the Mesa. Just wanted to share the blessing. :)

A sweet moment

L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu!

Baptism

Congratulations to my youngest on her baptism!

And a big Thank You to Father Nicola.... you can, and should,  read his book here.