A sigh of relief

Our social worker just left. She had called earlier today to let us know she would be coming over, and I admit my stomach just sank! I thought we were done talking to her--- so imagine my surprise when she called! I was really nervous. I talked to my best friend on the phone for a while to calm my jitters (Wayne wasn't home this afternoon) and then I put on some worship music so the bean could dance while I recited some psalms to remind me of who my God is:

Psalm 8:2
From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.

Psalm 7:6
Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice.

Psalm 9:13
O LORD, see how my enemies persecute me! Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death,

Psalm 23:5
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Psalm 25:2
in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

Psalm 31:15
My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.

Psalm 120:2
Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue.

God is truly my deliverer! Even though I was anxious, my social worker just came in quickly to let me know that she had made a thorough examination of our case and that she would be presenting it to a panel tomorrow. She was going to tell them she didn't think we needed social services, and that based on what she saw we were just fine. She did ask to see where I kept the cleaning supplies, though. I've never thought about it until she asked-- I keep them under the sink in a non-babyproofed cupboard. We don't baby proof anything in our house, because she obeys us when it comes to what she can and can't do. Like I told the social worker, the bean tried to open that cupboard once and never opened it again. I'm just not worried about it. This is a thing I'm kinda proud of my DD for--- after all, not every kid listens that way. But all of a sudden I felt guilty. Then I resented feeling guilty---- if it works, it works. Who is the government to tell me that I shouldn't do something I know works in my own house?

It's so frustrating. Yes, my social worker was kind and sweet. But it makes me so angry that ANYONE, especially a person I don't know from Eve, can come into OUR house, which we run under the sovereignty of the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, and be like.... "tremble in your boots, we're going to tell you what we think about how you do life."
I mean, what if she had decided we needed to take parenting classes or something? Of course, we would have refused, but we would have run a big risk by doing so! It makes us want to go live on an island or deep in the woods, where we can be alone to live in true freedom. The "America the Free" thing is such a lie these days.... we have never been so imposed upon by liberal ideals. It's like the paradox of the military. The men and women serving there are doing so for OUR freedom---especially the freedom we were founded on to live by God's laws! But where is that freedom these days? America has lost her way.

Something profound happened while I was praying about the kids though. I realized just what a privilege I have been given to be able to have children and raise them--- I realized how terrible of a sin it is when I complain, even this morning, about not getting sleep, about not getting to knit enough, or to read enough. I am soo selfish. If anything would ever happen to my kids, I think I would just fall apart. It made me feel so stupid and sinful for having the nerve to complain when my kids cry out for me at night!!! How dare I get annoyed about finishing some stupid rows when my children want to play with me! They could be gone tomorrow.... we never know what life will bring. We need to be so careful to make every moment count.

After she left I burst into tears of gratefulness from all the stress and the bean looked at me and started to cry and gave me a big hug. Hopefully this whole ordeal is now closed and sealed, and I hope that the person who called DSS is reading this blog right now, so that s/he can see the results of their actions. I want to thank them so much for helping me to see just how blessed these moments with my kids really are... I am grateful.