Some child training advice I picked up today

Hey ladies!! I have FINALLY gotten a hold of Rich and I'm sooo grateful that I did. He had a plethora of wonderful information and solid biblical counsel that I'm sure you can use (I totally can!)

If you don't know their family, they are my heroes: He is an officer in the army and she is a stay at home mom to NINE incredible, wonderfully behaved girls between 1 year and 19 years old. :)

Basically, he had a series of questions he asked about each case (and rest assured, I described the situation but nothing else :P)

Here is a summary of his thoughts. I'm going to blog this also because it's SO relevant for almost any Child Training issue... not just toddlers who bite!



1. What is the state of the MARRIAGE in the biting toddler's home?

Is the couple unified? Loving? Do they put each other first? Do they have challenges in the marriage or things that go unsaid and need to be addressed? The Enemy, first of all, wants to attack the marriage. He gets a double bonus by winning the children when he attacks the couple. In cases like extreme, angry biting, always check first to see what needs to be rectified in the marriage that the child can perceive.

He said he had recently heard Micheal Fletcher's teaching on Eros (Romantic Love) in the Bible and that it had served to remind him of the importance of maintaining first a watchful eye on the marriage~ that often there is misplaced love/affection from a spouse to the children that should be re-directed to the spouse, not the children. Children can sense a lack of unity within the parents' couple and WILL exploit it.


2. How consistent are the parents REALLY?

Are the parents agreed on the punishment and manner of punishment for the problem? Is the problem being dealt with in the same exact way EVERY time? Is the problem ever going uncorrected?

Sometimes it may take a week, a month, even a year! But persevere, parents, because it's that consistent response that will make a difference. This is the obvious answer, but it helps to be constantly reminded of it (consistently even) for US as well!


3. Is there a possibility of inherited ancestral sin?

In the case of angry biting, does the father or mother, or perhaps one of the grandparents, suffer from an unaddressed anger problem from which they have not been delivered? the child is under the covering and protection of the parents both physically and spiritually--- which means that where there is undealt with sin in the parent or parent's lineage, the child will also be affected. For more on this, ask me about getting a hold of some deliverance counseling.... it's complex but worth looking at if you've never done so. It could be life changing.


4. What are some of the appropriate responses to this particular problem?

He recommends trying other things first before "biting back, " and even said spanking may not be the solution here.
If the biting happens over a toy, then make it clear to the child/ren that WHEN there is a fight over a toy, the toy will be removed. Then remove it, every time. Ask the child to repeat the punishment and the crime to you verbally to ensure understanding.

The Bible says in proverbs that we should not ExASPErATE our children. We do so by creating environments where there is a surprise punishment. This is why Christians don't just wack a kid with their hand the very instant they do something wrong. There is a PROCESS to our corporal punishment, which I'll spare you because I've said it a million times. In the same way, sit and talk to your child to ensure they understand the parent is trying to do something to HELP them understand... if all else fails, take the child through the PROCESS of a spanking (establish the rule -- no biting. Once the rule is broken, have the child explain why they are being punished and what the punishment is. Then administer the punishment. Then pray in a positive manner over the child and comfort them and forgive them completely.)
If this does not take effect, the next step may be to take then through the EXACT same process, only with BITING BACK as the corporal punishment. You need to take her through it to show her that it isn't an anger response out of you at all. Sit down with her and say: "Now, (name) I want you to experience/ feel what it does to (name) when you bite him/her."
You should only ever have to do it once.

His finishing thought really warmed my heart and spoke to me profoundly. He asked me how my motherhood experience was going and I shared some things. He said to me:

"see, I think one of the things we need to know, " he said, " is that we are just soooo selfish. Isn't it amazing how when you're married, the minute you are married, you begin to lose some of that selfishness. You lose it again when you have children. And it's God's plan for us to marry and have children, because it teaches us so much how to lose ourselves in Him."

And like I said in my blog... all I could say was "amen!"

Hope that helps, girls :)