Updates from the little nazi jewish recruit :P

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Thanks so much for the prayer support! Little Annika is sleeping right now, which is awesome, and after I'm done writing this blog I'm going to take some much needed rest too. This is what she's been doing pretty much every day.... and if you know anything about toddlers you know that's bad. The doctor today said that basically, either we'll end up at the ER tonight or we wont.... she didn't want to give her any meds pre-emptively because the epinephrine and steroids are so hard on her little body (my brother says they use Epinephrine in NBC in the Army! Woah.) she did say her lungs are clearing up a bit. One thing I did want to say was that the advice everyone gave about the steam is dead on. Kids with croup need to be steamed up (like, run the hot shower and hold baby in the bathroom with all doors and windows closed) or in the cold air (but bundle baby up)-- the reason we were so worried is that her croup doesn't respond to ANY of that... and those are the only known treatments. I guess it was crazy severe and we feel blessed that she's ok right now!! So thanks for the emails and prayers, and if I didn't get back to you.... I took ALL of your advice :)


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Wayne and I took some time today to take a pic so you can see the belly. Ishod is getting bigger every day and we can't wait to meet him. He has dropped since yesterday (probably a result of all the strain) which means I can't really make it across a room in less than two minutes. I'm a big waddling mess. But he is super active and seems to be doing really well. He's also freakishly strong, like his daddy.

I know I keep blathering on like an idiot about this Ravelry thread, but it is always on my mind. In the morning, when I check my mail I have letters from women who either strongly disagree and want to talk about it, or (the ones that really touch my heart) are from Christian women who felt convicted when reading and want to know/hear more about being a submissive wife. It's been amazing.

Because the poopstorm has reached an all-time high in there (they are actually discussing whether I intentionally used Nazi recruiter techniques (OH, sweet irony!) in my posts to dismantle the conversation and turn it towards biblical living for the female gender!) I've decided to write a series of blogs which hopefully describe what I feel impressed to convey without stepping on any more toes. It's wierd to say that... I've never been afraid of stepping on toes before... but I really like Ravelry and as much as I hate to say that I'm allowing that to impede my right to free speech, I don't want to lose the priveledge to talk knitting with these amazing women because I just don't know what kinds of mods their forum has. (My experiences in the MADB board have left me sour!)

So, todays' installment. I'm going to address three things:

1. The idea of submission, it's relevance, and what it REALLY means.
2. The role of the wife in a biblical marriage.
3. Modern day lies women believe.

Consider this kind of an overview, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit these again in the near future and much more in depth (as it is, I can barely see the screen I'm so sleepy!)

today? The idea of submission.

Ephesians 6 describes the husband / wife relationship, and tells us (commands us) to be submitted to our husbands. Lots of women today simply refuse to believe it. They rationalize taking entire passages of scripture out of the Bible for millions of reasons, the most prevalent being that they don't want to listen to Paul (who, as they say, was "just a man.") I'll skip the -- obvious-- fact that Jesus Himself was FULLY man, and I'll just say that if you want to pick and choose passages from the Bible, that's on you.
When I first heard the word "submissive," in church, I looked around with lowered eyes. To my limited understanding, submissive was something you did in the bedroom, not in public. :P I can still remember trying to explain to my friend Colleen on our way to breakfast why I loved this one guy so much and how crazy he made me. She practically screeched the car to a halt to look me in the eyes and shouted it like it was a dirty word : "oh my gosh! you're submissive!"
At the time, that was something I hadn't really examined, but somehow it dawned on me that it might mean more than I just liked to be on the bottom. :)

Years later, in church, I heard a pastor's wife preach on being a submitted wife. It literally blew me away. What in the heck does that MEAN? I thought.
When I started to look at the passages in the Bible she was dealing with, I was literally floored. I read each one, incredulous that modern women could read this and agree. After all, here it said that I should be quiet. Modest. Discreet. Covered. and Submitted to the authority of a man.... things I had always perceived as barbaric and frankly... opposite to my character. I' was the loudest, most immodest, non-discreet, wide open and rebellious person in every room.

But I stemmed from the idea that there WAS a God, that His Word WAS true, and that I was (ironically) submitted to His authority in my life. If I wanted to be more like Him, I had to listen to Him and try to understand Him, and shape my life around what HE thought and not necessarily me. So I prayed on it, and I spent time in the Word, and little by little He showed me what He meant.

See, we have to start at the beginning... with our basic understanding of sin. Before you can be a wife who is submitted to a husband, you have to be a human who is submitted to God. When I realized what my sin really was and how it worked... (and, more importantly, that as a Christian, I no longer HAD to sin. It may happen, but I would have chosen it, as opposed to it being a part of my nature before I was a Christian.) that's when I saw what it really meant to let God be Lord in my life, or an authority. HE had the right to say yes or no to me. To guide me, and to protect me how He saw fit. And He had a system of checks and balances set up, of which my husband was a major part.
At the time, I wasn't married. But one I wrapped my head around the concept of authority (and believe me, it took years!) He released me to marry. During that time he dealth with me most about my rebellion. One of the ways He did this, as you know, is through teaching me about head covering. When I was covered, I was under a physical protection that mimicked the spiritual protection over my head. It helped me to visualize it and to maintain submission to it. And that led me to the Army.

There, I met and married my husband, having spoken to him a handful of times and having known him a total of five weeks. And full of excitement, I set out to be the stepford wife. Wayne always looks back with major fondness on those days. I admit, because I didn't know him yet, it was my natural reaction to puff him up.
I spoke proudly of him, I did everything he asked and a million things he didn't. I spiced up the bedroom every way I could. I kept an immaculate house and made delicious meals (hey, I didn't have kids :P) and most of all, I always told him that I was sure he knew best and told him that I trusted him completely. We were soooo in loooooove. :P

then we got to know each other, and let's just say we found out that we didn't like each other as much as we originally thought. A gnarly year ensued, which was peppered with various joys like the experience of pregnancy and all that. By the end of that year, I had discovered the book Created to Be His Helpmeet (and recently, The Excellent Wife) and they changed my life--- all of a sudden it was like a lightbulb went off in my head that would stop all the fighting and misery... I needed to get over myself!

see, this is a lesson every Christian should learn FIRST and foremost, upon recieving salvation. Unfortunately, it's often the one we learn last. God calls us to service, not to lounge around. And when that happens, He is going to use us, not pet us.
It wasn't until I figured out just how selfish I really was that I went and prayed "OK, Lord. REALLY make a submitted wife."

I'm no where near being perfect, but I can tell you this: I achieved perfect freedom on that day. It was the first day I realized that no matter WHAT my husband did, said, or thought, I was deeply and profoundly protected in God's system, and what's more--- He was doing things with me that I never thought possible. He was changing me and making me better! And that blew me away.

Ironically, as I finish this blog I've been on the phone with a dear brother who was counseling me on something totally off topic. He happened to mention to me something that I had never really reflected on, but that is just so fitting here:
"see, I think one of the things we need to know," he said," is that we are just soooo selfish. Isn't it amazing how when you're married, the minute you are married, you begin to lose some of that selfishness. You lose it again when you have children. And it's God's plan for us to marry and have children, because it teaches us so much how to lose ourselves in Him."

All I could say was "amen!"

Haha!

I read today in my little WIC pregnancy handout that this month I'm supposed to get between 10 and 11 hours of sleep per night.
I found that pretty amusing.

The deadly C

Man, the fun never stops around here , folks.

It's almost 3 pm. Wayne and I are waking up from a nap since I didn't sleep last night-- at all. I went to bed at 11 (which is already super late for me) and Annika awoke at 12 and didn't go back down. Turns out she has a really bad strain of croup. We had to take her to the ER this morning because she wasn't breathing, was wheezing and the steam and cold air were doing nothing for her.

At the ER, it was pretty traumatic for her. They had to give her an oral dose of steroids, which she promptly threw up when she stressed out from the respirator device they had to put her on. It was TERRIBLE having to wrestle her into submission (my daughter is freakishly strong-- it's a family thing :)) so we could mist her with this oxygen mask filled with epinephrine to allow her to breathe. Then they gave her another big dose of steroids to open her throat by shot in the butt.

The whole night was really stressful and scary for me. There is nothing worse than knowing your baby is hurting and scared and that you can do nothing. To make it worse, a few times during the night she literally could not catch her breath at all. Her breathing was so labored I was certain it was just going to stop... but it always started up again. Usually, by about 6 pm I'm completely exhausted and unable to move, which is why I relish sleep so much lately-- it's like in the morning I feel like a new person again and I'm ready to face the day.
Not last night~ and I had to spend the whole night carrying her around, soothing her, and helping her every way I could, which usually meant sitting in a super uncomfortable position. I even peed on myself at one point because I couldn't put her down since she wasn't breathing, but I was unable to control the pressure from both babies on my bladder and stomach. Yay!

Anyways, here's the interesting part. I've been following the vax vs. don't vax debate very closely since having her. I didn't end up vaxing her because I listened to people who said it was unnecessary and what not. I thought, since I stay at home and we're homeschooling, vaxing isn't important. Turns out that could have killed her last night! The vaccines for measles, Haemophilus influenzae (Hib), and diphtheria protect children against some of the more dangerous forms of croup... including the kind Annika has right now. If she had been vaxed, this cold probably never would have turned into a croup, and if it did, it would have been mildly uncomfortable at worst. The viral strain she caught is this bad because I decided not to vax her. That makes me feel like the worst mother on the planet, for one thing, and for another.... is so mind numbingly stupid only I could have done it.

Anyways, I really wanted to share that because it could happen to any baby who isn't vaxed but goes outside and catches something as simple as parainfluenza, just the flu.

When we got home~ ta da! We had a flat tire AGAIN! What a week this is turning out to be.

Please continue to pray for us.

He's changing me!

Wow! If you prayed for me, thank you so much! I feel so much better today :)

Many of you may have heard of Jane Brocket's book the Gentle Art of Domesticity. A recent interview about it on BBC's A woman's hour is creating quite a poopstorm on her blog, yarnstorm, which I read frequently, and on the BBC forums where, to be brief, women who are perhaps more than a little put off by her ability to be domestic when they are not have attacked her and attempted to smear her for taking women "a step back," so to speak.
As you guys know, I'm fascinated by this subject and I'm rabidly interested in speaking my mind about it, so when I noticed a thread on my new favorite site-- Ravelry (sorry, I can't link, I'm a beta tester and you're not~ and if you are, you rule! :P) about the social acceptability of the use of the term "pinny porn" in ref to her stuff, or "yarn porn" in ref to pics of beautiful yarn, I simply couldn't control the urge to put in my two cents.... which rapidly turned into two million cents as person after person questioned what I was saying.

We started off discussing the terms "pinny porn" and "yarn porn." I brought up the fact that I tried to keep my life as separate from porn as possible (to include lusting or coveting over objects) and thus that the term was not one I'd use. I mentioned that calling things which are not "porn" cheapens and makes common pornography which I don't think should be made common. The word should connotate something shameful and uncommon, not something we do every day.

This offended people greatly, and I got a few responses about why women liked porn. Then somehow the conversation got turned to gender issues IN pornography and IN domesticity. Ie. whether porn was male driven and whether domesticity was only a female thing. I explained my views on the male and female purpose as per the Bible, described how I believed the household should be run, and explained what I thought about porn being male driven. (none of which is new to blog readers here, I pretty much rant about it once a month.)

Anyways, the MINUTE you use the word "Submitted" in reference to a woman or "Leader" in reference to a man people completely flip... that's to be expected because as we know from the Bible, it's a super worldly reaction. Pretty soon the poopstorm is revolving around my idea that a wife should be a helpmeet, which people think is some kind of disease, and that I didn't believe men should be encouraged to knit these days.
Not to go too deep into the knitting thing, but long story short, I made a case for knitting being culturally (regardless of it's history) a predominantly female thing. Nowadays, for a guy to fellowship in a knitting guild he's surrounded by women, which does nothing for his manhood. This encourages in him female qualities which, to be blunt, men frequently have too much of these days. I truly believe men have forgotten how to be men. (This is nothing new, I've been saying this for years. I realized a while ago that that's not the case everywhere, sometimes you have to move out of California to find a guy who knows what manhood is. I keed, but still. )
Now, if a guy went to an all male knitting group, I'd be less reluctant to say it might hurt his manhood. But as it is now, let's be honest, most guys who knit are sensitive, cry at chick flicks, and kinda make me want to puke. I can think of a few exceptions to this rule (Greg if you're reading, you're one of the manliest men I know, knitting needles in hand or not :P) and that's why Wayne says: it's ok for guys to knit. It's not ok for SOME guys to knit.

Anyways, this led to a psychotic three pages of nasty comments about how sad it was that I wanted to be a doormat or wanted men to be all powerful.
Some girls said that I was still embodying feminism because I had CHOSEN to be a housewife. Others said I was the enemy of feminism. One guy who not only knit but cried often was particularly upset that I was causing him to question his manhood. One woman with a husband who did tons of "domestic" work around the house BECAUSE she had three children tried to make a case for why she wanted her man to be those things. Actually, quite a few women did... they wanted men who were, for all intents and purposes, like them.

THEN it got into the deeper reason of why I believed these things. I cited biblical examples and said that I had needed to adjust the way I thought about things when I decided to make Jesus Lord of my life... that once I determined that I believed the Bible, I had to change my mind (or rather, let God change my mind) about the way I viewed things like women's roles, or gender issues, or how to be a wife, or mother.

This blew the conversation into a gigantic mess of people misquoting the bible and telling me that if I was going to follow the whole bible, then why did I wear clothes made of two types of fiber, or not stone people. These questions kill me because they always come from people who have no idea how to examine the scriptures in context of what Jesus did for them.... and to be honest, you just can't explain that contextually to someone who doesn't understand what that sacrifice truly meant.

Anyways, it became a debate about the value of living biblically, which I was totally not expecting but was delighted to participate in. It was like my first days in the Myspace R&P all over again, with everyone being completely shocked and freaking out at everything I typed.

What blew me away was this: people started sending me PMs. And lots of them. And they were so amazing! Mostly, they were from people who disagreed with what I was saying but wanted to "pat me on the back" for keeping my cool and being patient and kind and loving with everyone who was "Attacking" me and my ideas. This was a HUGE shock to me... I realized that God has really been answering my prayer for mercy because instead of just creating a dividing line, which I still believe is something we are supposed to do, I was able to make people feel heard and individually cared for instead of stepped on. Praise Jesus! It was such a nice change from getting hate mail for stating biblical opinions. :)

On top of that, I had three emails which really warmed my heart, from Christian women who hadn't taken their relationship with Christ to the point where they could surrender their sense of self, their views on gender, or their idea of right and wrong to Him. These really blessed me because they added me as friends and thanked me for bringing this stuff up in a way that spoke to them!! I am so grateful for those emails, because after all, that is what this is all about~ helping people to experience God's best for them, and part of that means we have to learn to die to ourselves, as painful as it is.

I think I'm growing! wow.

The deadly D

The deadly D

When I was in Army Basic training, we did this thing every night where we all lined up with full canteens, heard the end of the day announcements, and force-hydrated ourselves by finishing an entire canteen of water ASAP, proving it was empty by holding it over our heads. We called it "hydration formation."
Once I was out, I still did this every night, as a habit, because it honestly made me feel better, sleep better, etc.

Last night I had a 103 fever. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong. I had had a scratchy throat the day previous and taken some zinc tablets, but that's about it. No symptoms, signs, or anything to let me know what this fever was all about. Along with it I had a smashing, horrible migraine and the worst chills... I was totally freezing.

Anyways, I had a doctor's appt this morning at 8. I didn't want to go because I felt so awful but I thought it wise to do it anyways. I was supposed to get the glucose test today, so I had to fast before the appointment from food AND drink. Which I did.
Anyways, I got there today, did my urine sample, and yeah, turns out I was super dehydrated! I had to go get an IV and everything.

I thought back on the last day's worth of hydrating and realized I had drank about 5 small glasses of water.
So yeah, be aware: dehydration really happens-- and when you least expect it!!

Anyways, that's why 'm not around right now. I'm too sleepy and feel awful. I'll be back when I'm back on my feet. :) (it may be tomorrow if I can get enough fluids.)

Harumph

Harumph

I was going to blog about the state of feminism in relation to the "domestic arts."
Instead, Wayne (he wants me to say "we") thought it would be romantic to fill out e-harmony questionnaires and see how compatible we are.
turns out seven women want his bod. Garg.
And one of them was ON THE PROWL (diana in South Carolina, babe, you can't have him.)
Anyways, the thing was so long and boring I don't think I can do one now. And so much for my interesting blog.
Now I'm off to shine my engagement ring.
Peace out.

Park.

Park.

It's my lunch break (yay!) and as my stew heats up I'm quickly checking emails and getting some things done.

I didn't go to work today. It's been on my heart all week that I was being pretty unfaithful by working every day.

I mean, I really enjoyed getting up, going to work, having important things to do that didn't involve changing diapers or that kind of stuff. I enjoyed dropping Annika off because it made me feel rested and in control of my own day and productivity. It gave me time with my husband and quiet time with the Lord.
But, like I said, I felt sooo convicted about working outside the home that it just wasn't worth it to me. Annika's behavior went STRAIGHT down the drain from the first day we left her in the daycare because she had no one there tell her right and wrong in a way she would retain it. We would get her back and then spend the entire evening disciplining her for one thing or another. She had previously been so well behaved that it was a shocking change
.
As for me? I really enjoy working, but a lot of that is just for me. My job right now is to parent these kids, and that's really my first priority. No matter how much I liked the quiet time away from the daily ruckus of toddlerhood, it just isn't worth it to me to let Annika regress to being just like "everyone else's kids."
I'm not saying she's any different, but I do want to know that I did everything in my power to make homemaking my first priority-- to train up good, well behaved, obedient, joyful children, and to keep a beautiful, clean home in which the king of this castle can rest and be rejuvenated from his daily tasks while he and his queen enjoy their time together. None of that was happening very well with me working every day. I get up at 5 am to do devotions and I don't finish my chores and things until 9 pm when I work, which leaves me with exactly one hour to be relaxing at the end of the day before it all starts again.

Instead, I have arranged to go in ONLY on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which makes really full days those two days (everything from accounting to mentoring at risk kids happens then) but time for me and Annika on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday to rest and to be diligent around the house, working on the things that really matter.
I hope this will go well, particularly because this season's cell groups are starting and I can't wait. I'm going to do the new mommies group again this cycle, and also a Women of Vision type one with Christy in which we are going to start off by studying "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," (FINALLY!) by Barbara Hughes.
Britt Merrick gave me that book when I first got saved and it's been an integral part of my walk since that day, but I never really studied it, just kinda "noticed" it.
Wayne is doing his Sunday 6 am men in ministry cell with Pastor Fletcher and I think he's going to be co-leading an --get this--- XBOX cell with David. :P Men.

Christy just came over this morning for a few hours with her boys and we took the kids to the park. It was SOOOOO nice to have someone to do this with, and I really enjoyed myself, even though it is always a little crazy when the kids get together because our conversations have to be peppered with interjections of "no!" "stop" and "come here!"
Spending ten minutes with her is always uplifting to me because she is so open and willing to talk about everything. Her love for God and her family always inspires me.

That's all for now. I'm off to knit like a maniac and rest on the couch til the bean awakens again. We've had a productive morning, let's see if we can keep this going til evening! hehe.

The war against the impending darkness continues.

The war against the impending darkness continues

I'm doing dishes tonight and BOOM! A gigantic spider just erupts into the house from under the backdoor, literally as if it was thrown in here. I freeze, my heart stops, and I wonder what to do. We stare at each other. Time stands still. I'm barefoot, I realize, and he has WAY more hiding places available to him than I do. I go for the best option: my husband.

Wayne comes strolling in casually and says : "it's just a wolf spider."
Just. It's JUST a palmetto bug. It's JUST a cockroach. It's JUST a man-eating cephylopod.
Garg.
"Watch your husband work," he gloats, as he pulls out his best weapon. My mop! I scoff. Then I run for the dining room and watch from atop a chair.
He rails down on it with the end of the mop as if he's going to hit it, and then we both watch in dismay as the spider heads for the stove. Oh no! I think, he's going to miss it. I almost tell him to get out of the way, but he, looking resolved, grabs a spray bottle filled with some ORange Cleaner and, making loud laughing noises, sprays the crap out of the underside of the stove where the spider has now neatly escaped to. Wayne turns the mop around and uses it to mop up the cleaner, which is puddled all over the kitchen floor. I seriously consider smashing him with a mop, and then sigh, resigned.

They're out to get us, you see. First the roaches. Now wolf spiders. Wayne says the good thing is that wolf spiders aren't poisonous. "You'll just get a headache," he says, as if I should be reassured that when that hairy, disgusting, gigantic jumping monster is crawling on me in my sleep and sinking it's fangs into my leg, I won't die.
He stops my rant about the bug attack and tells me: Wolf spiders eat roaches.

"no way," I say. "Roaches have no natural enemies. I read that on google."
"Barbie, " he sighs. "I work under houses all day, and I can tell you that all I saw down there were huge roaches caught in spider webs.
Hmm. That sounds good to me... except... oh yeah. Roaches, as filthy and revolting and hellsent as they are, don't bite. The worse thing they can do is crawl on you really fast. Spiders, on the other hand, are fast, disgusting, and painful. Some can actually kill you. "I'll take a roach over a spider." I groan, settling into the rocking chair, keeping a suspicious eye on the floor by the stove, and imagining in what horrible scenario this spawn of Satan will next appear in my life.
Will I be reaching into Annika's toybox? Will I be gathering up a load of laundry from the floor? Will I be sitting at the desk, doing my morning devotional, when suddenly.. there it is in all his furry atrociousness?
I'll be surprised if I sleep a wink tonight, and God knows I need it.

Determined not to allow fear to overcome THIS daughter of the King, I set my jaw, put some (closed toe) shoes on, and headed for the kitchen to take out the trash.
I stepped outside gingerly, wondering how many more of his friends were around. I realized then that a box of oreos had somehow not made it into the trash, and leaned over to pick it up. Right then, a HUGE cockroach jumped directly into my face! I screamed bloody murder. All the neighbors on their porches looked at me like I was from mars, and I ran back inside, shaking out my hair and shivering. I'm telling you, they are out to get me. Once inside, I ran to my man to relate the story, and he laughed.
"You didn't know they can fly?" He asked.

When will it end, God?? When will the battle with southern vermin cease? Oh that's right, when I'm in heaven. Sheesh.
I read today that most UFOs are actually swarms of cockroaches. It also appears that I was right about them surviving nuclear warfare-- they can stand radiation up to 15 times better than humans. They do have two natural enemies: wasps and centipedes. I can't decide which of those I would rather have in my home.

I also discovered there 's a name for what I am: verminophobe. Ha. Alright, I'm off to the cockroach behavior forum

Gargling. I don't know, I can't think of a title

Gargling. I don’t know, I just can’t think of a title.

So, God is laying the new mommies on my heart lately because it seems everyone is having new babies and asking for advice and I know God has given me a gift of teaching, particularly to this group of women: young moms, young wives. He's given me a heart for helping with heavenly families.
I've also been thinking alot lately about getting together with a girlfriend and going door to door. This is wierd, I know, and I'm not sure if it's from God yet. But basically I see so many Morms and JDubs going door to door each week, and I see them going in for their bible studies to the housewives in my neighborhood, and I think... well, most people would pray. But I have a teaching gift! So naturally I want to use it... and then I'm like, why wouldn't a Christian go door to door too? Someone out there will want a bible study, and will welcome it. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but that's what God did to me to get me to pay attention to the Bible, so why not someone else?
Also, I've come to this realization after a lengthy discussion with Wayne over breakfast about the AP parenting board and the so-called "gentle Christian moms" site.
Wayne said it, and I was like -- OMG! (he's so wise :P)
these women were converted, but they were never discipled! That's why they have no foundation, and that's why while loving the Lord, they still remain lord over their own lives. it's so obvious.... but I had never seen it that way. It's why I have such a heart for discipleship, because when I got saved I didn't know HOW to be a Christian, and I didn't know how to HEAR from God-- I could be them so easily, but for the grace of God.
I'm so grateful that He surrounded me with passionate, strong, annointed leaders! My whole Christian walk has been one amazement after another. I've had to shift my way of thinking so many times I can't even begin to describe how broken I had to get.
I'm STILL there. And every time I think I have it right, pshhhhh.

Today TWO old friends called me, who I hadn't spoken to in a long time. BOTH of them just happened to mention that they were calling because they wanted to be better wives and they felt like I may be able to help them. Actually, technically, three people called and said this, only one is not really a Christian looking for mentoring.

The point is, I was totally knocked on my butt- I've been a TERRIBLE wife lately. My home is in disarray, my daughter is acting up because I've been working, my nagging is getting out of hand, my frustrations have been building up. I've really been mean, cold, and unsubmissive in many, many ways. So why would God use me when I'm in this state? I think exactly for that reason-- it causes me to look with lazer sharp eyes at my own life to see where I am not being an example, and to deal with it immediately because these women will be scrutinizing every aspect of my own wifehood.
Anyways, God is moving, but I'm just standing still-- waiting to hear from Him about a million things, and totally floored about most of the things He is speaking to me about these days.

Life is nuts.

More on cloth diapers and victory

More on cloth diapers and Victory

I've been experimenting with cloth diapers more and more. A dear friend sent me a box of different types of cloth diapers to try... so sweet! I admit, when I first opened the box I was at a loss for what to do, but I'm getting the hang of it pretty quickly!
Right now annika is wearing a little Bumgenius one size, which I really like.
My other favorites right now are the "Mommy's touch" all in one one sizers. Cloth diapering is actually really fun! They are snuggly and soft and they clean up great. They look ADORABLE, which I love, and they really are easy to use. I like cloth diapering better than g-diapers now because the g's clog up my old toilet :(


Here are the calculations they have available for cloth diapering vs. disposable diapering:

Disposable Diapers

Average 7 per day @ $0.35 each = $2.45 per day

$2.45 X 365 days = $894.25 per year!

Over three years that's a total of $2,682.65. That does not even count the cost of disposable wipes or pull-ups!

Mommy's Touch One Size Pocket Diapers

$16.95 Each + Insert $5.00 = Total cost of Diaper $21.95

12 diapers, washing once per day: $263.40, or

24 diapers, washing two times per week: $526.80 total cost of diapering a baby.

That's pretty impressive, especially considering that it's also a MAJOR help to the environment and to the child, because disposables contain toxins that are super gross.

Anyways... I think I'm going to stick to cloth diapering from now on, especially with the washing machine in the house. They are pretty expensive, but I am just going to ask for people to get me some when the baby comes instead of other gifts, and thanks to my friend I already have quite a few in the large sizes. With the all in ones.. I may not need that many!

In other news, Gloria and Kenneth Copeland
from the Believer's Voice of Victory broadcast on TBN, etc. are in town, and my MIL and I are going to their conference at 2 pm today.
Let me say first of all that I think this whole "prosperity gospel" word of faith junk is absolutely preposterous... I mean, just really, really absurd. But I'm fascinated by this TBN world and very interested to go and to pray for people and see what it's all about and like in person and in the Spirit. So... I'm really looking forward to it. I'll blog all about the experience when I get back.

Wayne's cert class is finally here! He's there right now (yay!) and I had my first OBGYN appt yesterday--- thank GOD. And guess what? My doctor is CHristian!! Yay.

Raising those hands high... amazing.

Raising those hands high.... amazing

Just a quick note to update on my experience at the "World Explosion Conference."
When I first got saved, I had a really hard time making friends with Christians because -- to be perfectly honest-- they were just too judgemental. I didn't KNOW what was expected of me as a believer because I had never been one, I had never been around other ones, and I had no idea what the Word of God said about many, many things. Most things.
So I resorted to watching TBN a lot to get some extra "feedings" in.
There were four shows I really liked to watch: Paula White, Joyce Meyers, Marilyn Hickey, and Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. Later on, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned the bogus factor of the Word Of Faith movement and cast aside the "Prosperity Gospel" B.S. that inherently came with many of the TBN broadcasts.
But tonight, I had the opportunity to attend a day long conference with KCM, Kenneth Copeland Ministries. I was super excited to see what would happen and just what my impressions were, and to pray for people at the event.

It was held in a huge coliseum, which was awesome, because it reminded me of Jehova's Witnesses when they have their big conventions. Everyone dressed in their "Sunday best," sporting huge floppy bibles and neatly organized briefcases full of Bible literature and new pens, flowing in and out of the arena to the soft sounds of soulful worship music.
We got seated and then it began. The whole thing was incredibly well organized, with TV, sound, and ushers everywhere prepared to deal with whatever natural or spiritual events might occur.
Worship began, and in true North Cakolaki style, they brought out a choir of super hard worshippin' black folks, some in suits that look like Jim Carrey's in the movie "The Mask," and some in long, african style robes. The music was so encouraging that Annika was swaying and lifting her hands with the best of 'em.. .hehe. We sang old hymns and gospel songs, mostly ones I was familiar with.
When the first chorus of "Praise Him... Praise Him and lift him up!" got accentuated with a hearty clap from all the people present, even I started to appreciate that these people around me genuinely LOVED to worship God.
After a couple more songs, they brought out a Pastor who was supposed to introduce the speakers and take up a love offering for the speakers. Now, keep in mind that I have no beef with taking up an offering for a speaker. Most of the time they provide their own transportation and hotel to the event, and I think it's right to help them out.

What got my feathers ruffled was that this particular guy compared giving an offering TO A SPEAKER to giving your money to doing God's work in such a way that He even equated it with tithing. He actually brought up the whole "million dollar seed" thing and then encouraged everybody to give to the Kingdom of God and build it up. He quoted from 1 Cor 9 about reaping sparingly when you sow sparingly... the whole bit. Then he made a big whoopla about the buckets getting past around, in one of those rolling baptist preacher voices.... "Fill em UP-AH! Fill em UP-AH! Let the GLORY of God come into your life-AH!"
I'm not trying to be judgemental, but it was all I could do to keep from giggling as people eagerly jumped to the big donation buckets, expecting to go home and find Ferraris in their driveways.

See, this type of stuff reminds of 95 percent of the churches around here... Wayne and I stay up late at night giggling about what we would do if we were called to one. There's either a hardcore baptist church which hammers hellfire and freaks if you tap your feet when you hear a beat. (You know, "Come on down to Calvary Hill baptist church, just on your left after the K-and-Double-yew. Turn, BEFORE you burn!")
Then there are the Word of Holiness Faith Tabernacle Burning Bush of Shekinnah Glory Churches... you know the ones. They call each other "sister so and so" and "brother so and so." They talk about million dollar seeds-AH. Their pastors are called "Bishop" Cleary and they inaugurate the pastor's wife "First Lady" Cleary. (what IS that?) They get so worked up during the sermon they are sweating and fanning themselves and the little old ladies in the huge hats in the front jump up every minute shouting:" AMEN!" and "Preach it!" In the back, people are speaking in tongues and running back and forth.
Now, I'm not saying God isn't in these churches, and if that sounds like your church, please don't misunderstand me... it's just culturally a little hard for people like me to swallow, because it's a VERY southern thing. From a visitor's perspective, or from the perspective of one who goes to a church that doesn't preach that we deserve to be rich as God's children or that we deserve to be healthy as God's children, it seems a little much.

The rest of the event was just the Copelands speaking. I was really excited to see Gloria because I noticed that there were about twelve women in the crowd with short blonde haircuts who were wearing pastel colored suits with perfectly done nails. I never knew she had such a following!! It was hilarious to watch.
As a teacher, she definitely has an annointing. It didn't take her but four minutes (yes, I 'm a geek and I counted) to get on a roll, and when she did, it was really good.
I didn't hear her saying anything expressly unbiblical, but the depth of the subjects she was touching on was TOTALLY outweighed by the emphasis on finances and how to recieve wealth, which really isn't a godly topic.
Don't get me wrong, I believe people can and do prosper by the Word of God. I believe God wants SOME people to be rich, but not everyone. I don't think there's anything WRONG with wealth at all--- Christianity NEEDS rich Christians, otherwise we can't advance the Kingdom effectively, and God knows that. But I do believe that there is more to the Godly life than just health, wealth, and healing. You know?
The good points she brought out were REALLY good. She preached on the absence of fear from a Christian's life, which is one of my favorite topics, and she taught on the human fear of death in a way that really demonstrated how, as Saved Children of the Most High God, is totally absurd. There is nothing we need fear, death the least of anything. I agree with that completely. She talked about the days being evil ,and gave some pretty compelling examples from the Word on how to deal with that fact.
When we got to the end and she was preaching on deliverance from fear, she said a couple things that really got my attention--
She told everyone that if they were on meds, get off. I love the way she said it: "If you are taking drugs, learn to use the power in your life to get off them TODAY. Well, I shouldn't be saying this. But that's what I would do."
I laughed so much because that's how I approach the subject... I don't know that you have the faith to get off your meds, but if you do, get them as far away from you as you can.
She said that she thought ADHD was a joke. "YOU were hyperactive when you were a kid," she said. "Nowadays they drug children for being hyperactive. Back in the day, we gave them a good wallup." I couldn't help but jump up and cheer for that one :P
One of my favorite things was that she referred to people in the world, that is... the lost, as "TRYING as hard as they can to get to hell."
I've never looked at it like that, but she did give some pretty compelling evidence to show that people today aren't just going there, they are trying as hard as they can to get there faster. I thought back to the number of times people in the R&P made threads about the big party they thought they were destined for. She was totally right about that---most people think hell sounds better than heaven these days.
Made me rethink a lot of the ways I go about evangelizing!!

On the way back into the conference we literally ran smack into this guy who was leading another man inside. The man he was leading was blind.. he had a cane and his eyes were completely clouded over.

At the end of the conference, Gloria began to pray for the healing of various things in the room. She obviously has a healing gift as well, because healings were happening to the left and to the right of me. What REALLY blew me away, though, because I'll admit that I frequently experience skepticism as miraculous events, was this:
at one point, almost as an afterthought, she began to speak to the blindness of someone in the audience and pray deliverance for him from blindness. I had retained where the man was sitting and reached my hand out to him to pray with her because he was heavy on my heart.
When I looked up, the man was jumping around and yelling---- his EYES WERE COMPLETELY HEALED. I could see them, clear as day, and the cloudiness was completely gone!!!! I've seen a great many miracles in my day, but I was definitely encouraged by this one more than most.

I pondered the event and prayed, asking God if it was HIS presence or the presence of demonic signs and wonders, and He asked me if His name was being glorified by this. Yes, I answered, eyes turned towards the huge sign on the wall that read: "Jesus is LORD!"

I left the conference with a renewed sense of awe at how much I still have to learn about the way God works, and how often we try to put Him in a box. It's easy to say that the word of faith folks simply "aren't" Christians... just as much as it's easy to say that if you believe X, or Y doctrine (like the Pearls , who believe in instant sanctification at salvation-- that they NO LONGER SIN) that you are dead wrong. And you are. But that doesn't change the fact that in all our imperfections, we are being changed from glory to glory as we see all the ways in which God moves. If we stay focused on Him, and quit trying to make each other look like US, I see the Kingdom coming far faster than ever before.

"Gentle" Christian parenting... ugh.

Gentle "Christian" Parenting.... ugh.

I came across this website in a conversation in the AP group I can't tear myself out of.

www.gentlechristianparenting.com

I'm nauseous just typing the URL.

Here's my review of it from a forum on spanking:

that kind of website, to be honest, makes my skin crawl. I spent ten minutes peeking at the various "resources" which are articles based on people's opinions of parenting styles that "gentle" discipliners don't believe in.

As a Christian, it is my life's work to share biblical messages that will change people's lives and help them live for Christ in a way that truly glorifies Him and shows that they understand the point of all of this we call "life."
I spend my whole life teaching and learning on topics such as biblical child training, biblical wifehood, and biblical womanhood. I'm passionate about it!

Aside from their skewed theology, which is the ONLY thing people should be worried about when reading a book by the Pearls, their family advice is dead on. I know countless families who live by the Love of God, the Rod, principles of forgiveness and God-centered family lives, who have upwards of eight kids apiece who are -- quite simply-- a joy to be around, whether 3 or 18. These kids are respectful, disciplined, honest, hard working, and pleasant. They are interesting, joyful, and.. most of all, they love Jesus. I can only hope my kids will grow to be these same types of children. That's the example and goal I have set for my kids, and what I expect to come of my training them. The children I know who are "gently" disciplined are neither disciplined at all, nor are they bearable. I don't want my kids to end up like them, so I don't practice "gentle" discipline. Or rather, I am always gentle with my kids, but I will still correct them with corporal punishment because I believe the Bible.

I have heard time and again so-called "Christian" people making excuses for not using the rod, including making up Hebrew roots and inventing stories about the "real" traditional use of the rod. As I said before, it's a choice people have the right to make. But I will neither concede nor compromise on this issue because out of my experience and my heart I believe that the truth is that the use of the Rod is biblical, good, and life changing for my children.
I don't expect my own opinions to count, I mold my life around what I see that God has to say about a matter, and make changes accordingly. That's why I'm so passionate about these issues, because I had to change alot of what I believed about being a wife and mother, and that has made the most positive change in my own life as a wife and mother.

As I said in the other thread, I know children who REMIND their parents to bring the rod when they go on vacation. When you ask them about it, they say that they hope it won't get used, but they know it is the best thing to teach them right from wrong. Praise the Lord that these children have wisdom at such a young age!!

That website also attacks the principles in Created to Be His Helpmeet... another biblical concept people hate to believe because it hurts our prideful hearts. I would buy the entire world a copy of that book if I could.... there are MILLIONS of marriages that could be saved as a result of laying down their rights and allowing God to be Lord over EVERY part of their lives, including their marriage.

In the chapter by chapter deconstruction of To Train up a Child, here, the author begins by saying: "God doesn't conquer our wills, he gave us free will to do what we choose."
She says this in response to the Pearl's advice to conquer the will of your child.

If you are a saved, born again Christian, you KNOW that your will is your worst enemy. You want that bad boy conquered immediately. You pray for it, you ask Him to make you more like Him and less like you, on your knees, tears running down your cheeks. You are BROKEN by His greatness.
WHY in the name of all things holy would you not want to teach your kids to conquer their will????? It's the FIRST thing I would want to teach my kids.
My soul is my enemy.... until it is sanctified. Any student of the Bible knows this.

So the pretense of this website being "Christian" just because it says it is by name has just been made void in my eyes. These people do not believe that God is God, and have not laid down their lives. The entire article goes on to describe an endless list of things I find appalling. Of course a newborn is self-centered. That is the very nature of a baby. Why is that offensive? Of course we want our children to be under our authority and in subjection and obedience to us. Why is that offensive? One hundred years ago, these things were never questioned... nowadays, we overanalyze every little word we use. It's absurd.

I get soooo steamed when I see websites like this which basically just tear down all the biblical foundations that God has laid, and consequently destroy families, and the lives of children. It really hurts to see that, and I will be praying fervently that the Enemy's stronghold over modern parenting "styles" will be broken by the power of God.

Song of Hope

Song of Hope

All things bright and beautiful you are
All things wise and wonderful you are
In my darkest night you brighten up the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

All things new, I can start again
Creator God, calling me your friend
Sing praise my soul to the maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing
Halle-lujah sing

(I will) sing a song of hope sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know that you are near is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

Oh sing a song of hope, sing along
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of Heaven come down, Heaven come down

--Song of Hope, Robbie Seay Band


I'm continually amazed at the depth with which my God can love me.... the personal way He reaches me and lets me know He is there.
Yesterday was kind of a weird day at church. It was the last in a four part series on the four types of love-- Storge (familial), Philia (friend), Eros (Romantic), and finally Agape.
Modern psychology tells us there are three natural loves, but the Bible speaks of four-- and any Christian who has spent more than a day in church is familiar with Agape love and aware of it, so I was expecting to be... placated. Maybe a little bored.

Instead, I got a heavy dose of brokenness and a renewed vision of what my salvation means and how good my God really is. Unlike the four previous sermons, which were excellent, wise, and practical, this one knocked me flat on my butt as He described what Agape love is, what it really means when we hear "God is love," and how to grasp what that means for us and for Him.

I was particularly moved when it came time to examine the truth of the situation. None of us, by ANYTHING, can add one thing to God, who is perfect and complete. It's easy to think that He made us because He needed some part of Him fulfilled or completed. It's easy to think He needed the companionship. But the fact is-- He doesn't. He is Lord, God of all, and He experiences perfect companionship within Himself because He is complete... Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He was not lonely or bored--- He was LOVE.

And the kind of love He was and is and will be is the kind that, by human standards, makes no sense. It's the kind that needs no return. It's the kind that loves your enemies-- those who hurt you. I thought back on all the times I snapped at Wayne because he hurt my feelings, or stopped talking to someone because they wronged me in some major way. God would have loved them anyways! I thought of all the times, even in the previous week, when someone frustrated me and I breathed a sigh of relief that I could just write them off.

In this train of thought, it really brought home to me the fact that we DESERVE nothing but hell. That when Jesus returns and we are on our knees, we will VOLUNTEER for hell when we face His holiness-- as He is. That over and over again in the Bible those who caught a glimpse of His glory were forever changed by it.
It reminded me that when we lift Him up in worship, we are not doing ANYTHING to Him-- we are doing it because it puts US in right mind TOWARDS the God of the universe who created heaven and earth, who breathed us to life and whose eyes go to and fro across the earth. It absolutely floored me to face the reality of the choice I made when I said YES to God: The love that I needed to give was not NATURAL, which is why an "enemy" was so hard to "love."
And when we love them, we are allowing God, who lives in us, to work. Amazing! How has this profound truth not affected me more until now?? It makes me think what a shallow Christian life I was living until yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't know until yesterday that I was supposed to love my enemies, or that I was supposed to be kind to those who frustrate the hell out of me.... it's that I finally understood WHY.


Recently, a friend called and asked me to explain to her just what in the heck was the matter with me, recommending the book "Created to Be His Helpmeet" to people.
Any wife who has read it has been challenged to the core by the things therein--- the biblical challenge to love, serve, respect and honor your husband NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. (yes, occasionally you may have to put him in jail, or move out, but you must still honor, serve, and respect and love him.)
Everyone who reads it has a strong reaction: either they tear it to shreds or they frame it and put it on the wall because it changed their lives forever. I'm in the second crowd, but most wives I'm around just can't comprehend it. I like to think that's because they don't have husbands like mine :P When I apply the biblical principles of loving wifedom and servanthood to my marriage, it WORKS... like never before. My marriage becomes glorious.
BUT, there are days where, frought with frustration, I end the evening crying out to God that there MUST be something more. Though I know the principles and how they work, there are many times where, in my fleshly nature, I just don't want to do them. I want to snap back, to throw dishes, to put my foot down. I want to yell and nag and shame him. I wonder WHY on earth God does this to me, when He knows that it is hard-- and that's what I realized yesterday!!!

I never have an answer for people when they ask me WHY God set things up this way. It's the only thing I'm at a loss for-- but now I do. Because God's AGAPE determines His nature, and we are being molded into the image of God, then I must learn to ALLOW Him to respond with a fresh infusion of agape into every situation, starting with my marriage. It's not ME who must respond in love, it's God IN me. If I am grateful for my salvation, then I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to an unfairness in AGAPE.

I'm a fan of the saying: "It's a choice to be offended," but I never realized WHY until yesterday.

From now on, Lord, let me CHOOSE to respond in love... the same love you gave me that snatched me out of hell and into your loving arms. No matter what the wrong, no matter what the cost.... let me always allow you to shine through me.