The God who comes to Us.

Christmas is a very special time for me.
It's on Christmas eve that God saved me: He waited gently and patiently until the perfect moment in the span of my life to reveal His majesty, and His glory, and in that moment I literally fell on my knees and wept. It was so real that I was totally unaware of the fact that there were probably over a thousand people present who might think that I was acting strangely---- but then even if they did, I knew that I was safe because they'd been there too, speechless and grateful in the sight of His glory. . . In fact, I'd never felt so safe than I did that night.
It's not just because I experienced God's goodness on Christmas. I also experienced God's goodness from an indirect source each Holiday season-- my family.
I come from a big, happy family, and Christmas was always one of those times that we all came together and worked together diligently so that we would be able to truly celebrate the occasion of the birth of the Divine Infant.
The weeks before Christmas were spent decorating, baking, cooking, sewing, knitting, preparing in every way for the King's arrival. And when it came-- what a joyful feast! I still don't think anyone in the world does Christmas quite as beautifully as Provence.

Now the sight of poinsettias and Christmas trees and the sounds of carols and flickering candle flames are enough to send me tumbling through an emotional roller coaster that makes being around me at Christmas time a very tender experience... and my husband, over the last few years has really begun to experience that.
Anything can send me into a sentimental state this season. Slicing foie gras, when I feel united with the softly weathered hands of my beautiful Grandmother, who served the Lord through the godly raising of a large family, and who, Christmas after Christmas, sliced that same foie gras, lovingly spreading it on baguettes from the corner bakery, garnished with a sprig of parsley from the garden.
This year, my friend Vittorio posted Pavarotti's Ave Maria on his facebook, and I dissolved into tears at the memory of that beautiful music pouring like water out of the shuttered windows of the houses in our village as the housewives rejoiced with Mary at the coming of Christ.
Setting the table, which unites me with my grandfather, who took the job so seriously and did it so reverently that he struck fear into the hearts of those children who might think to touch the table before the day would come. To accomodate everyone, tables would be pushed together from all directions throughout the house, forming a "T" shape that would seat a small country and that filled the entire house from one end to the other. We couldn't all see each other, but we were all together, feasting. Kind of like today... when I'm oceans away from those I love.

God became real to me at Christmas because He came as a baby. To think about that, for me, is just heartbreaking. We humans, made in the image of God, striving always to gain, acquire, and conquer. And here comes our Creator--the One who is the beginning and the end-- in the form of a tiny, helpless, hungry, beautiful baby. Totally dependant on us for comfort. So humble!!!
This is why the Eucharist absolutely blows me away. God is so humble that He comes to us as a little baby, as an unassuming piece of bread, in the things of life which give Him NONE of the glory He is due.
On that Christmas day,. the whole world revolved around a manger in Bethlehem, where a small, truly innocent baby was lying. People came from far and wide to adore Him and offer Him themselves.
Likewise, at Holy Mass, the whole world revolves around the hidden Glory of God in the Eucharist. It is our daily bread (and we should receive it daily!) and people come from far and wide to adore Him in it, and to offer themselves to Him wholly.
Our Lord has truly placed himself a prisoner in His creation by His love for us..... His love for us that trancends what we can see and touch and taste.

Father's homily at mass yesterday reminded me of that: We see the baby lying in the manger and we, Christians, know that lying there is a person worthy of absolute majesty-- a person who is truly a King. This Child-King is the Savior of the world, and the whole world was set in place for His arrival.
But what a good reminder to us to see the worth and dignity of every human person! This Christmas, I was reminded often of the absolute necessity of building a culture of life in our world--- by meditating on what would have happened if Mary would have said "No." No , because having a baby wasn't convenient for her, and didn't make sense.
But also, to think about the significance of the Christ-Child in the lives of those we meet-- those who haven't yet figured out their intrinsic human worth and dignity. We all have the potential to be daughters and sons of the King--- but not all of us realize our dignity. No person you meet or encounter is NOT potential royalty because only the Lord and those who see with the eyes of God can see what lies beneath the muddled surface. We have to respond with love to each person, helping them to find in themselves that human dignity that Satan has helped them to misplace.

I thought about the Eucharist this whole season.
To hundreds of non-Catholics (and even, sadly, Catholics) who, on occasion, come to mass--- people are coming from all directions to receive a dry little wafer and a sip of sweet wine. It's the end of a somewhat long, somewhat strange, somewhat boring ritual and the culmination of a ceremony they don't totally understand and that ultimately, to a charismatic, might seem a bit dry if not spiritually dead.
But what they don't realize that they are watching people go up to receive their portion of Life from the giver of Life, who Himself resides in the substance of bread and wine. They don't realize that the bread they are receiving or watching people receive is the bread from heaven that God has always used to teach us who He is.

Just as there were people far and wide who came to see the Christ-Child. Some looked at Him and saw the Lord and the .... others, just a baby. I am never more humbled than when I think of my husband, who for nearly a year watched us come up to recieve that very bread of life He knew His God was feeding us, and not able to participate. I grew up a baptized, confirmed , Catholic, so even when I didn't believe, God gave me great grace in the Eucharist.
But the HOUR I first believed, both in HIM (at Christmas) and in HIS COMING TO ME (at Easter) I was able to take Him in.... and that is something I cannot take for granted. Some people had to make a long journey to come adore the Christ Child. For some, it was dangerous and rough. They risked a lot, some everything, to come and see Him. But when they got there, they found in that tiny baby all the things they needed for life and godliness. They found themselves transformed.
Likewise, becoming a Catholic is by no means an easy thing. The journey is rough and strewn with dangers. But my husband will testify loudly to all who would listen: coming to the Lord hidden in this unassuming piece of bread is truly coming to Life.

This entire advent and Christmas season, I spent most of my pre-communion moments of prayer pondering the unity of the faith, and longing for those members of the Body of Christ that I know have discovered who they are in Him (those people in my life I know and love who truly LIVE for Jesus) to discover Him not only in the baby at Bethlehem but in the Bread at the Table.
In my experience, there is not one branch of "denominationalism" (aside from those which, obviously, are heretical and anti-scriptural) that can't find a home in the Catholic Church somewhere. The variety of "flavors," in existence in Catholicity is astounding---there is nothing more beautiful than the wide variety of types of spirituality and the different Christian "lifestyles" within the structure of Catholicity. There is never room to be bored! From the most freewheeling pentacostal Catholics to the most serious and reverent traditionalists, and everything in between, there is room at the table. Every branch of protestant "style" could so easily find a place at the table as well, and the only thing keeping them from doing so is a thorough study of the Catechism and a grasp of what Catholics REALLY teach vs what protestants are afraid they teach. I thought so much about what it would be like to sit with all of my beloved friends on either sides of me at worship.... and to go, one by one, before the Lord and take Him in in such a special way, like Christ's visitors came one by one. As a protestant, we used to say that we would lay our life as an offering at the feet of Christ. What better imagery to describe what we do during Holy Mass, literally coming up one by one to receive Him into our bodies, souls, and spirits in a new way each day.

I thought so much about my friends, my non-Catholic friends, and my heart was just stretching heavenwards as I prayed that one day we would ALL share at the same table.

Around the year 150, only 150 years after the death and resurrection of Christ, Justin Martyr said this about what Christian worship looked like in the early church around him.

He said:
“On the day named after the sun, all who live in city or countryside assemble in the same place.” “We gather on the day of the sun because it is the first day, when God transformed darkness and matter and made the world; on this same day Jesus Christ, our Savior, rose from the dead.”
He goes on to describe that if there are persons to be recieved into the community of believers, a baptism would occur.
"After we have thus cleansed the person who believes and has joined our ranks, we lead him or her in to where those we call ‘brothers’ are assembled.” It is the person who has been “initiated” by baptism that is brought into the fellowship of “brothers” wherein the Eucharist is celebrated. The Eucharist is not a gathering open to the “general public”; only the initiated–that is, baptized believers–are invited to participate in the Eucharistic assembly. Justin continues his Apology by noting that prayers are offered “in common for ourselves, for the one who has just been enlightened (i.e., baptized), and for all human beings everywhere.” After the common prayer and proclamation of the Word, Justin Martyr describes participants in Worship as greeting each other with a "Holy Kiss."
then “Memoirs of the apostles or the writings of the prophets are read for as long as time allows.”
He describes what happens next: “Bread and a cup of water and mixed wine are brought to him who presides over the brethren. He takes them and offers prayers glorifying the Father of the universe through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and he utters a lengthy eucharist because the Father has judged us worthy of these gifts.”
He goes on to say that they then “distribute the ‘eucharistified’ bread and the wine and water over which the eucharist has been spoken, to each of those present; they also carry them to those who are absent.”
“No one may share it [the eucharist] unless he believes that our teaching is true, and has been cleansed in the bath of forgiveness for sin and of rebirth, and lives as Christ taught.”(...)
“For we do not receive these things [bread and wine] as if they were ordinary food and drink.”
(...)“But, just as Jesus Christ our Savior was made flesh through the word of God and took on flesh and blood for our salvation, so too (we have been taught) through the word of prayer that comes from him, the food over which the eucharist has been spoken becomes the flesh and blood of the incarnate Jesus, in order to nourish and transform our flesh and blood.”

What he is describing is the Holy Mass... the way we still have it today, the way it will always be until Jesus comes again:
We read and proclaim the Word of the Lord, we pray, we wait for God to show up, He does so in the Eucharist, we recieve the Eucharist, we are filled and renewed. Day in, and day out, Catholics the world over are celebrating Christ the way He has always been celebrated since the day of His coming to us at Christmas. I long for the day that all of my beautiful friends who love God and love Him wholly can recieve Him WHOLLY, not just in Spirit, but in substance, to fill their lives with Christmas joy all year long.

(all references to Justin Martyr's writings in this blog can be found on Justin Martyr's Apology: http://ststephens1928.org/Justin%27s%20Apology.htm)