The Funeral

Today being the feast day of Sts Cyprian and Cornelius, two martyrs of the Church, I focused most of my prayer life around the idea that, as I said yesterday, we need to live like we were dying. But more than that-- we need to live like we are willing to die-- willing to take on headfirst whatever hardships come our way, overcoming our fears like the Saints whose feasts we celebrate today, who said "to God be the glory!" at the pronouncement of their death sentence.

With such a stoic, courageous example before me, I was ready to lay down my life once again at the altar this morning at mass.... it seems these days that with every mass my heart soars more and more.

I suspect that moment of recognition when you start to see what gifts God is gracing you with and what He is pouring into you so that you can pour into others is an exciting moment for everyone. We’ve had a lot of that lately, and it’s really a vibrant time in the life of this particular parish. After all the warfare and battle raging around, it’s refreshing to enjoy a period of renewal, when God gives us little consolations and moments of mercy and we see things as they are for once. It seems that a lot of the spiritual "tension" in the air is rapidly melting for the moment as we all enjoy the fruits of our prayer labor. I realize I’m speaking in the abstract, but to avoid stepping on toes, I kinda have to. But lets just say that reconciliations and glorious bouts of charity are abounding in this Parish right now and it’s very moving to be a part of that. It’s also really amazing to find confirmation of the things that I’m thinking I’m hearing from God... something which I’ve noticed that often other Christians (as I was just discussing with my friend Robin over in California) stand in the way of God’s will in your life because they don’t necessarily allow for God’s will for YOU to be different than God’s will for THEM.

I’ve had a number of friends, close and not so close, (insert Ravelry.com Ghost thread shoutout here :P) inform me that they aren’t so sure that Wayne and I are properly discerning our callings to ministry. Particularly as Catholics, in a world where absolute evil is sort of laughed at (many of these people think that man is evil enough on his own) or where the further expansion of science and medecine have perhaps antiquated the idea of personnified evil. Many of those same Christians who DO believe in Satan also fear him, and some, though they don’t fear him, recognize that in their own lives, their calling is to stay as far from his territory as they humanly can, and therefore can’t imagine that another person’s calling might be to get out of their comfort zone a little and actually do some battle. My question to the latter, of course, is this: Well, if somebody doesn’t step up to the plate, does he just win?

Nevertheless, these same friends and acquaintances have expressed doubts and fears when the conversation came up ranging from the possibility of doing psychological damage to a person by furthering a delusion of being attacked by demons to modifying their memory of past events, and everything in between. They are nervous because I am partially operating in theophostic territory, where I was trained, and because theophostics is relatively new, and the kinks haven’t been worked out, they fear that the Holy Spirit won’t be over riding any of it and that somehow those of us who do what I’ve been doing all these years are somehow messing with people.

So let me be very clear: responding to a plea for help is not the same as going demon-huntin’. And again: responding to a prompting from the Lord is not the same as stepping into the lion’s den covered in steak juice. We’re talking about gifts and callings, which can be given AND TAKEN AWAY at any time, in any place, and for any purpose. God knows better than any of us what the heck He is doing, and all we can do is step out in faith when we feel that famous Holy Spirit nudge.

I’ve been allowing those doubts to seep into my heart for a while now.... like maybe people are right, maybe all this stuff IS just me wanting to get involved in something "unusual," or some big Uber Battle between good and evil, etc. Maybe my pride IS running the show.

Normally, when those doubts surface , I take them to confession, where I recieve some counsel about my life and my ministry which goes something like this: "Your family comes first, then your ministry to the Church."

To which I can easily counter that often sticking my foot in the paranormal world is a PART of Wayne’s and my ministry to each other and to our children, after all, once those doors are opened, for most people, they never close. I’m sure that none of our Spirit-filled, bible believing houseguests would be surprised to hear that often events of a supernatural order (both good and bad) occur in our home, after all, they’re believers. They probably sense these things as strongly as we do. Any long time blog reader knows that not more than six months goes by in my personal life where good and evil doesn’t make itself very present and REAL somehow, and in our marriage we were bound to experience many "Strange" (and again I stress, both good and bad) events since we come from such strongly God-intensive backgrounds. So yeah, ministering to my family through prayerful discernment and spiritual warfare is DEFINITELY on my top priority list. I dont believe in accidents or coincidences, and I don’t think God allows this family to experience miraculous financial events, miraculous healings, miraculous deliverances, and all the rest for nothing. A calling to this type of ministry has to come with two things: experience and a willingness to risk it all for Jesus, and in our family’s life, we definitely have those things.

So when I was driving in the car with a friend yesterday who happened to demonstrate in a personal example that a priest I’m so fond of still doesn’t know a whole lot about what to do when he’s certain he’s dealing with the Enemy, it was definite confirmation for me that my experience in this department was one of the reasons I’m here to begin with.... its’ a much needed ministry in our Parish.

Likewise, another friend sent me this quote tonight, and just in time. A ravelry poster had questioned whether my assurance of my particular charisms in this area weren’t just pride, and quite honestly had me wondering until I recieved this quote from Father Amorth:

"An exorcist must be aware of mental illlness only to the degree that he should recognize when a psychiatrist is needed; he is not required to know as much about mental illness as a psychiatrist does. By the same token, an exorcist must be aware of parapsychological phenomena, but he cannot be a substitute for an expert in the field. An exorcist’s specific domain is supernatural. He must have exact knowledge of supernatural phenomena and relative cures. This premise is necessary, because here we are dealing with matters that touch upon the supernatural, the paranormal, and the preternatural- or diabolical.

The Holy Spirit, with divine freedom, gives His charisms however and to whomever He pleases. These are not given for the glory or benefit of the reciever but as a service to his brothers. Among these charisms is the power to liberate from evil spirits and to heal illnesses. (...)I know of cases when ecclesiastic authorities intervened to alert the faithful against charlatans and swindlers. I do not know of any who are officially recognized to have such charisms. (...) I would like to suggest four guidelines for determining the presence of true Charisms:

1. The individual or the community lives the gospel in a profound way.

2. The individual or the community performs the services absolutely free-- not even accepting donations

3. The practices used must be the common means to obtain grace approved by the Church, avoiding unnatural or superstitious actions.

4. The fruits must be good"

-An exorcist tells his story, Father Gabriele Amorth.

Ironically (miraculously?) I just happened to be reading this book this week already and hadn’t gotten to this chapter yet! Talk about confirmation. I’m so thankful for God’s gracious responses to our doubts and questions. So, all this in mind, I was super thankful for God’s consolations in my time of frustration and confusion.

So there I sat in mass, tears streaming down my face after communion, so thankful to God for speaking to me about what He’s doing with me...just rejoicing.

I was almost skipping out of church, and just feeling so happy, when I literally almost ran into a group of soldiers in Class A’s, circled around each other, getting ready to bring in the body of a slain brother. It was a funeral for a soldier and I was totally unprepared to handle my emotions when I realized what I was looking at.

I melted into tears...I felt so selfish! Here I was, lalalaing about God talking to me, me, me, me...and here was this soldier, who died for me. Kinda like Jesus, in a way.

Of course, as I sit here, I’m talking to a friend who says that my reaction, though it made sense, wasn’t totally accurate. After all, me praying about me and Wayne and thinking about my family during mass instead of the whole world IS my specific vocation. That’s what I’m supposed to be praying for and focusing on the most.

With that, I’m sure that both lessons were good-- and I’ll retain them.

Glory to the Father, who created me, Glory to the Son, Who loved me, Glory to the Holy Spirit, who breathed me to life. Amen!