Random Rant-On young children and memorization work in the homeschool

Taking a break from grammar and arithmetic to do a nature study outside. 

One of the hardest transitions for this family in going from any number of products to teach phonics and reading we've used in the past to using CLAA has been the method.

Memorization is unlike anything else.

Before, when I sat down to work on phonics with my daughter, we would use little cards and games, handouts with cartoons on them, coins with letters on each side, a reading chart, a timeline, and a plasticized chart on which she could stand and point to letters. I had to keep everything in a big box that took up half my living room and then try to keep the other two from touching/grabbing/trying to play with whatever "teaching tool" I was using at the time. I spent about five minutes for every ten we worked trying to wrestle game pieces, plastic bits, and papers from my daughter's hand as I attempted to get her to focus. It was hellacious.

The amazing part about using CLAA is that now I don't need anything to work on reading with my kids. It is so liberating, for all of us. 

We sit at the table together. If it's a new lesson I will show them a brief slideshow that describes what they are going to learn. Then we interact (when they get older, they will be able to study their lessons without my intervention, because they will be strong readers.)

The scene looks like this:

I ask challenging questions they don't know the answer to.

They look at me like deer in headlights.

I coach them with the answer.

They repeat after me.

I ask the question again.

They look at me like deer in headlights.

I coach them with the answer.

They repeat after me.

I ask the question again.

They whine. Their eyes glaze over.

I push.

They whine more.

I ask again, with insistence.

They repeat after me, but make a big production about how terrible it is.

I ask again.

They repeat.

and so it goes.... until when I ask the question they quickly or gleefully shout out the answer because they KNOW it. Sometimes, I have them quiz each other. Sometimes there are little "tricks" they can use on their fingers to remember, and I catch them showing them to each other. Throughout the day, I will randomly ask them one of their lesson questions... and reward whomever appears to be doing the work to learn it.

It is a painfully challenging process, this memory work, because it is dull. I didn't realize how tough and challenging it was until we actually enrolled in CLAA ourselves..... and now I completely understand why so many people are unwilling to make the commitment to the rigorous ideals of CLAA. It is work, for mom too, make no mistake about it. It requires discipline, patience, and a sound mind. It takes time, and our full attention. And it draws us to pray, because it is almost--- almost--- impossible.

There is nothing amusing or entertaining about having our children memorizing facts, and that was one of the things Charlotte Mason saw and said: "there has to be a better way" to. 

I think she was right.... but my answer is not to stop giving them the facts to memorize. It's to make the facts become living ideas. The memorizing is painful, but it's necessary to progress. And ultimately, it's the easiest part of learning.... even my one year old can repeat back to me the things which she hears spoken around her or in a movie or song. It's not the memorization that is hard, it's the ACT of intentionally memorizing. So should we fool them into doing it? Should we make it a game?

At the CLAA, the consensus seems to be "no." The goal is to teach our children to work and pray, and purposely avoid making everything about entertainment. I think there is great wisdom in that, and I have personally observed the difference in children when they are taken out of an environment which surrounds them with play and into an environment which leads them to work. Children will naturally play as they work, but instead of becoming selfish they become interested in helping and accomplishing... It is a beautiful thing.

Of course, one must take into account that each child is different, and requires a different "aid" to learning. Some children do better when they are in a quiet space. Others need noise. Etc.

I agree with the CLAA on this point because I have seen enough foolishness, selfishness, and plain old silliness from the children around me to last ten lifetimes. Children in our culture are incapable of doing much of anything that was expected of children one hundred years ago. We no longer have children around who know how to be quiet, sit still, be polite, or pleasant. Parents cater to children's natural folly and children run the parents' lives. I know it because even in my house, where I thought we WERE NOT doing that, I realized once I began to immerse myself in CLAA culture that we were. I no longer have to spend hours each day picking up toys off the floor, doing a million loads of laundry, or soothing my husband's nerves when my kids are completely out of control. It has been extremely helpful to have my eyes opened to what I SHOULD be doing, and had fooled myself into thinking  I was doing.  Reality can be humbling, but it's a good thing to be corrected. 

One of the biggest things I retain from my Catholic faith and from Charlotte Mason's teachings is the human dignity of every little person we are teaching.  We must never forget that our children are not objects but PEOPLE, and people made in the image of God, at that. Remembering that helps me to get through the painful parts of the memorization process... as does turning dry facts into living ideas.

Charlotte believed we should lay a feast of ideas before the children, and I agree.... everything in our home is designed to create thoughts in our children which form their "education." Therefore it becomes no work at all to turn the dry "facts" of my children's grammar and arithmetic lessons, for example, into a living lesson.

In their very first reading lesson, the children were required to learn the following lesson:

Q. What is an idea?

A: An idea is an image you see in your mind of anything you have seen, smelled, heard, tasted, touched, or thought about.

Q: What is a word?

A: Words are symbols used to share ideas.

This was part of the first lesson, and very hard for my children to grasp right away because it was their first time doing any purposeful memorization that didn't involve a song and dance.

At first, they resisted. They continued to resist throughout the week. But then funny things started to happen.

One night, I heard them talking in bed after they had been told to go to sleep. My oldest said to my middle child: I don't WANT you to share your ideas with meeeeah!! And my middle said to my oldest in response: "But I'm going to tell you my WOOOOOOORDSAAAAH!"

Glory, hallelujah! I thought. They get it!

And yet, the next day when I asked them nicely: "What is a word?""

Deer. Caught in headlights. Sigh. Memorization is not easy. 

Then one day it happened. 

I was reading to the children from Little House in the Big Woods, when the part about Pa smoking the deer meat with hickory smoke in an old log came up. My middle child said: "Pa had a pretty good idea to do that!!" and then he amazed me by saying: "and now you're sharing it with words!"

It took three weeks of schooling for the lesson to sink in, and my middle child still hasn't passed the exam because he can't say it to me perfectly, word for word. But he's learning it not only as a fact, but as a concept, and as William Michael (the director of the CLAA) says.... Slow and Steady Wins the Race. 

Progress is made in pieces, over time, and like the big beautiful, large lace shawls I like to knit, must be made one stitch at a time.

The CLAA's support in teaching US as the parents to stop fooling around and start practicing what we preach (yes, starting with us!!!)  is.... well.... it's the first time in my life I'm actually DOING, all day, (for the most part) what I know I am supposed to be doing. And that in itself is miraculous.

And if I can do that, then I know my kids can do the memorizing, and be better for it. The key, for me, has been the turning of the dry facts into living ideas.... helping them to see WHY it matters what words are made of, what three sounds like in latin, or what their address is. Then the facts come to life.... and the magic happens. I love it!

Some quick tips from our schoolroom for memorizing lessons.

1. Watch the video/listen to the listen etc. as many times as necessary to really understand it. Talk about the lesson with them and let them ask questions.

2. With young children, work at it hard for fifteen minutes or so, and then switch activities, but continue to bring it up in the next activity. (ie. Good job using your words to tell her to share, Johnny. Do you remember what a word IS? What is a word?)

3. Help them to get all that physical energy out by staying with them during recess times. Don't just say: "go out and run for ten minutes." They wont. Go out and run WITH them.

4. keep at it. Day in, day out, all the time. Don't give up, but don't move on to the next lesson until they can recite it perfectly, word for word.

5. Find as many ways in your day as you can to bring to life what they have learned. You won't have to look far... just look for opportunities to show them WHY it's important.

6. Don't ALWAYS use rewards or punishments, but periodically reward them for work well done when you can see they have really tried. Never reward them for work half-done. Don't lie to them and say: "you learned it!" When they didn't. Encourage them to not only FINISH their work, but finish it well.
Lastly.... or rather, first..... start with prayer:

What are your experiences with the memorization part of a classical education in your own homeschool?

Wordless Wednesdays- Daddy Coming home from his first day...

Mama Mondays- helpful tips for pregnancy

I promised to write a blog for first time mothers to help them with any tips or ideas I have acquired over the course of my pregnancies. There is SO. MUCH. information out there, and anyone who does a little research can gain a pretty good grasp of what their body is going through, and what will happen.

I remember when I was going through my first pregnancy, which was high risk and in which I had a severe complication, I kept wanting to talk to my mom about all of it because I had never realized before what she had been through and done for me. And in the course of those conversations, my mom always marveled at the awareness that I had of my own body and of it's workings.... an awareness I inherited from years of dance class and hours on google. :D

She told me that for her, pregnancy just happened, and she didn't ask herself a lot of questions because she was busy with life and there just wasn't that much information out there. Just enough to get her throught it. I've since often thought that it probable served her nicely not to have such an abundance of information at her fingertips when she was going through it. Her pregnancies were probably very peaceful and calm because of the lack of anxiety that over-informing ourselves can bring.

Especially since all of the "givens" we learn in American motherhood about birth and infancy are completely different from the "givens" we learn as mothers in Japan, or France, or Sweden. Different cultures do things in different ways, and the over-abundance of internet opinions can make these very confusing times for women doing something that-- when we think about it-- is both completely natural and completely ordinary, extraordinary as it is.

Nowadays, pregnant women are BOMBARDED with not only information but opinions... opinions about diet, exercise, relaxation, communication between spouses, and everything else.

Increasingly, men are not only told how to respond but trained for bedside labor assistance, moment-by-moment attention to their spouse during the pregnancy experience, and all sorts of things which, until recently, were simply not their domain. It has truly become a woman's world.... but is that a good thing?

The de-masculinization of men has created a culture in which men simply are not free to do the things they are good at. Instead of utilizing their problem solving/big picture/vision skills, they are so drained from dealing with all the tiny, mundane, administrative details of life that they are incapable of leading/ guiding. At least, that's the way it looks from this house.... where things are different.

We think it is a detrimental element of our culture that a pregnancy in a house means that a woman must have ice cream on demand, be preserved from dish-doing, floor-cleaning, or meal-making, and be entitled to parenting-from-a-distance.

At the same time, we don't believe that men (and other women) should lose sight of how challenging pregnancy is and just how severe it's toll is on women. All things in moderation. I'm not advocating that men NOT be there at the birth, or not help around the house, I'm saying that life happens. If your man is gone, well, there have been millions of women who have gone before, gone on to have perfectly healthy children and marriages in which the husband wasn't present at the birth of his child. There is no such thing as "an ideal birth," only a birth that happens the way it is supposed to in your family. Make the best of your situation, pray very much, and avoid selfishness and self-centeredness or excessive focus on the experience, rather than focusing on the purpose. Kinda like what you probably DIDN'T do in your wedding.... if you are anything like the majority of American women. Avoid excesses, unless they be excesses of kindness and charity.

It is good to be courteous, compassionate, considerate of the life-making going on inside the womb. It is good to offer help, pay close attention to a woman's limits, and to serve her in whatever capacity we can. It is terrible to demand service and compassion from others, to expect assistance, and to be lazy, selfish, and arrogant. I am quite certain that it is a worse offense to UNDERdo it than to OVERdo it in pregnancy.... because most of us don't even come CLOSE to overdoing it, high risk pregnancies and all.

When I see women who essentially throw up their hands and say: "I can't, I'm pregnant" to virtually every menial daily task, while sitting on their butts watching A Birth Story for twelve hours a day (with a few breaks on google to study up on placenta encapsulation and labor positions) I am disappointed. I'm disappointed for their husbands, who are selflessly making the best of their situation and doing what they think is right by giving waaaay more than their fair share of the "work." I suspect there will be many more MEN from our generation than women in heaven.

I know it is the product of the Satanic attack on families, to create this culture of laziness in pregnant women, because it damages the woman's sense of self.. alongside the human dignity of the child and husband.

You see, in our society, pregnancy has become an idol. And I watch people worship The Pregnant Woman.... making sacrifice after sacrifice for her and to her. The Woman who takes the role of the worshipped becomes so very comfortable--thoroughly willing to take on the physical pain of pregnancy with joy and delight because she is made the center of all things. Our society (materialistic and cultish in nature) extolls the virtues of the pregnant woman and makes her think it's all about Me, Me, glowing and beautiful ME!

But then when the baby is born, the baby becomes an accessory, an object of gratification, and an emotional crutch (isn't it nice to be needed/wanted all the time?) and the woman is mostly forgotten. We drop the preggo idol and move on to the infant idol... and that in itself is disturbing. Babies used to need a bed, a few blankets, and some cloth diapers. Nowadays the insane amount of "baby gear" that is considered a must-have for a phase which lasts under a year is truly.... mind boggling. And expensive... and stressful. Women go from focusing totally and completely (and having their husbands focus) on themselves, to focusing completely and totally on the desires and comfort of this new little baby. On the outside , this seems... nice. But what I'm getting at is that the attention on materialism and emotional soothing is disproportionate to the attention on work, service and sacrifice that was, and should be, the majority of the Family Culture. There are people out there who are literally having only one child, even though they can "afford" many by even wordly standards, because they don't want to psychologically damage the child they do have by focusing on another little baby. they think it is unfair, or takes away from that child, when the reality is that pregnancy and children are a gift because they teach us not to be selfish!

Personally, I admit I have a hard time understanding women who spend a great deal of time off their feet lying around because they are pregnant (I'm talking about a REGULAR pregnancy, not a pregnancy which requires bedrest.) To me, pregnancy is not an excuse for negligence in the homestead, especially since we have made so much "medical progress" and we are so capable of solving so many pregnancy difficulties. Historically, women have coped with pregnancy in much more difficult situations and been absolutely capable of dealing. There were often no husbands for long periods of time to help around the house. Now, granted, there were many other factors in favor of the pregnant woman, who was still in a considerably weakened condition-- back then , children were raised to actually HELP around the house as opposed to being draining "needers." It is also a given that there is a moderate, middle ground place, where a pregnant woman should be left to put her feet up when she needs it and after she has completely the menial tasks required of her in every day life.

Hyper awareness of our bodies and the way we feel, combined with pseudo-knowledge about the pregnancy condition, has not done much for our sainthood.... look at Saint Gianna, who was a doctor and a mother, and who made the difficult choice to give her own life for the life of her baby. That's how she became a saint.. not by requesting that her husband water the garden for her, stay up with the sick toddler, and pick up some Ben and Jerry's on his way home from work. He may have done those things, and that is wonderful. But she would neither have expected them nor desired them. She would have desired work.
Please understand, if you are reading this and feel "judged" by this article, that I am not judging YOU. I don't know your particulars, your situation, what your doctor said or didn't say. I don't know your husbands, your arrangements, and your ideals. What I do know is that if you felt your conscience "pricked" by this reading, perhaps you recognize that you may have taken advantage of your pregnancy-- or worse (and more likely) been duped by the enemy with regards to your own personal growth and the good of your family. Or perhaps I'm dead wrong, and you can feel free to tell me so. It wouldn't be the first time. These are just things I have observed over the course of my own pregnancies and in dialogue with other mothers around the internet. Meditating on them has really helped me to overcome the majority of what I would call my average "motherhood and pregnancy gripes." (which were numerous.) 

And if it's not to be believed because you heard it from me, consider that Pope John Paul II said the following:
The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.

I know I need daily reminding of that fact. Come, Holy Spirit!

That being said..... here are some of my "DO" tips for pregnancy.


- Meditate on the spiritual value of your pregnancy and eventual motherhood.

-Pray very much for the strength you need to get through it.

-Consider that the end result of this pregnancy is not that you will have a baby to hold (even though that is a side effect that will bring you great joy!) Instead, think about the fact that this growing infant will one day be an adult who will answer to God (and for whom YOU will answer.) Plan accordingly.

-Be gentle with yourself. Pay attention to your body and know when to stop.

-Be firm with yourself. Decide what you can reasonably do and then do it. No need to be superwoman, but you still need to be making progress.

-Eat moderately. There is no reason to eat excessively.... the "extra" calories you need can be found in a glass of milk and a peanut butter sandwhich.

-get plenty of exercise. I particularly recommend certain yoga positions which will assist with back pain and sciatica (I will do a post on these soon.) Do spend a significant amount of time paying attention to your posture.

-drink water.

-Breathe, and be nice. Hormones RAGE during pregnancy, which makes people totally freak out. If you think the world is ending, you are done, you are furious.... it's probably hormones. Relax.

-Get enough sleep. Discipline yourself so that you sleep as much as you can, but don't over-indulge either by shirking your motherly duties towards your other children if there are some.

-Don't take drugs. American doctors are quick to prescribe "harmless" drugs for all of the uncomfortable side effects of pregnancy. These "harmless" drugs are anything but harmless. Stick to well-known herbal remedies and natural solutions as much as possible. Avoid antibiotics like the plague.

-Everyone gets BV. Use plain yogurt, don't take drugs. Don't be embarrassed.

-Take your prenatals. Every day. WITH lots of water.

-Don't believe it just because everyone is doing it. Don't believe it just because you read it on the internet.

-No, you don't really NEED that (_____________________).

-Learn the Bradley method. But don't feel bad about wanting an epidural.

-If you fear labor, understand this simple idea: labor feels like terrible, awful, really bad period cramps which come and go at a faster and longer rate, followed by the feeling of taking a giant poop from your vagina. True story. In that same feels good-slash-hurts kind of way. You CAN do it. Your body is made for it. And you might even learn to enjoy it if you do it often enough. I apologize if this was awful for you to read, but hearing this information really made me understand and work with my own labor better. It removed the fear I had, which is the biggest labor problem. Fear prevents relaxation, and relaxation is the only solution. So relax. We've all pooped before.

-Breastfeed immediately or right after if you can. If you can not, do not panic. Just keep trying.

-Enlist the prayers and help of a good friend or two and have a doula if you can.

-Remember that, like everything else, this too, shall pass. So be thankful, and do what you're supposed to. Every moment.

Scripture Sundays-- The Barbie Bible (on note taking and Bible psychosis)

alekdrake said...
Your highlighting looks...extensive. You should write a post about that. Pretty pleez? I'm at a total loss when it comes to actually working in my bible like that.

I love answering questions like that because my inner Bible G33k gets stirred up. She isn't the first to ask me that, due to my Bible OCD (read: purchasing endless "almost perfect"Bibles and filling them up with "perfect" notes until I have the "PERFECT" Bible to carry around) I have been asked that question any number of times.
So for those of you are interested in achieving nerdiness of biblical proportions, here is a post that explains my notetaking method, which is insanely (really, INSANELY) extensive and complex.

To start with, you need a little background information. I am partial to the Revised Standard Catholic Edition of the Holy Bible. The reasons are too numerous to list here, but suffice to say that it is the one I find the most clear, concise, and accurate. As far as study bibles go, the best notes I have ever seen are the notes in the Spirit Filled Life Bible by Jack Hayford. As a protestant, it was my go-to Bible for more than 13 years, and I still think it is hands down the most Spirit-Led, fruitful, and interesting place to go for scholarly (but sensible and faithful-- yes, even though it isn't Catholic. The Holy Spirit is awesome like that!) notes. As a Catholic, there are like, four places where I take issue with the doctrinal position of the note-writers. Everything else is just.... perfect. And I wish with all my heart that I had a Bible that spoke to me (encouraged me?) the same way that my Spirit Filled Life Bible has all these years that contained ALL of the Bible (ie the Deuterocanonical books) with the same kinds of notes for those of us who are firmly planted in Catholic Orthodoxy but have experienced the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and desire to grow in that special grace. I may have to put one together one day because, as a daily bible reader,  it truly is driving me nuts... so nuts, in fact, that this is what I'm forced to do in order to make my Catholic Bible even remotely similar to the awesomeness level of the SFL Bible-- but more awesome, because-- you know... We're Catholic.


The purpose of my notes and additions. 
Why don't I leave my bible alone? Well, first of all, because I want to make sure I understand it. I spend a significant portion of each day immersed in Scripture, I teach it to my kids, and I talk about it with my husband and family and friends. It's a huge chunk of my life, and since I order my life around it, I would say it IS my life. So if I am making notes and additions, it's only so as to help myself learn and remember those things which I have learned/heard/felt while immersed in scripture so as to be able to apply it and pass it on.

What are the additions?
In my bible you will find: (1) an apologetics cheat sheet. --- this is a feature inside the CSS Bible so I won't be needing that anymore, yay! The sheet contains a list of the most commonly raised objections to Catholic doctrine and their scriptural support locations with corresponding passages from the catechism. (2) a counseling cheat sheet-- this is also a feature inside the CSS Bible that I won't be needing to carry anymore, yay! :D This is a series of sheets that have an alphabetical listing of subjects and their corresponding locations in scripture that are common when in need of counsel or when counseling others... things like family, marriage, abortion, birth control, anger, suffering, death, financial problems, loneliness, etc. (3) a praise and worship starter sheet, which is a listing of biblical, liturgical, and other expressions of praise and worship for when I lead a prayer meeting or a praise and worship event. (4) a listing of common prayers (Scriptural and not) I use daily-- prayers for the pope, for priests and pastors, for vocations, for families, for exorcism/deliverance, for health and healing, for nations and governments, etc. (5) a series of faith-building pictures to meditate on. There are just a few of these, mostly related to the events at Fatima, the life of Christ, St Josemaria, the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and a couple other saints I connect with. (6) An examination of conscience and a brief "how to" for the confessional. (7) my "war room" cheat sheet, which is a series of suggestions and reminders for when the Spiritual Battle gets heavy. (8) My coding guide (more on that later) and (9) a character qualities chart which gives you a different virtue to meditate on each day and (10) a brief guide to praying the Liturgy of the Hours from the Bible (extraordinary form) with two prayers I say before I recite the office: St Patrick's Lorica in the morning and the Evening prayer for the family. Sounds like a lot, but I just find slots for all of it, glue or tape them down, and carry a couple of extra sheets in plastic folded up in there and it does the trick without adding too much bulk..

How do I take notes?
I take notes in the margins, either making lists of things I have noticed/seen, or marking additional information relevant to the passage I have learned or heard in a homily/sermon. I also mark dates if a particular passage speaks something particular to me for a huge life lesson etc. with a keyword to remind me of what it is. I make notes of things I have looked up in a Bible commentary or dictionary about a particular verse. Most commonly, I make a note of any Strong's numbers that seem important so I can have the greek or Hebrew right there with a clearer picture of the meaning of the text. I mark any passages that speak to a particularly relevant-for-me text from the Catechism with it's corresponding number in the CCC. I mark notes about how the Church Fathers might have interpreted a specific verse or chapter. And I mark notes that directly relate either to the Ascent of Mount Carmel and St John of the Cross' spirituality, or St Josemaria Escriva's spirituality. I write very small and in sharp sharp sharp ballpoint pens. Below, you will find a sample section of my notes.

What do I do with my notes?
I compile them into notes for Bible studies I teach or am writing, or I pull a few of them to work with and unpack in my prayer journal, where I write out my daily devotions. (I journal in a notebook about what God is saying to me through scripture each morning.) Mostly, I just use them in a Bible Study setting, when someone makes a comment or brings up a particular passage, I have all this additional information about it right at my fingertips and it's really helpful.

How do I mark the text?
I mark the text with symbols which represent keywords or themes in what I'm reading. I have a specific marking for geographical locations, personal names, people groups, dates and lifespans, and keywords. I use them consistently, so that I can make connections between passages and also more easily pull out the text's meaning. I have been doing it this way since I gave my life to Christ and began reading my Bible, even though I recently discovered this method has a name: it is called the Inductive Bible Study Method. Catholics should know that the inductive Bible Study Method is great.... but only great if you compare your discoveries and findings against the TEACHING AUTHORITY OF THE CHURCH, without which your "discoveries" may very well lead you into making up your own doctrines and whatnot. My coding is separated into Key THEMES and Key WORDS. Below, you will find my personal coding sheet and also a series of downloadable PDFs of someone from Precept Ministries Canada's personal bible keyword markings, should they be of help to you.

Precept Ministries Canada's Sample Bible Keyword Markings:

SIXTH: What am I highlighting? How do I highlight?
OK, onto the highlighting. :D I like to pray scripture. But before I became very familiar with scripture, I had a hard time finding the right passages to pray. So I started marking in highlighting pen the passages relating to the different types of prayers  I was praying. Below, you will find the coding guide I use for my highlighter colors.

SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT FAMILY LIFE
SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT NATIONAL LIFE
SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT FAITH
SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT HEALING
SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT DELIVERANCE AND WARFARE
SCRIPTURES TO PRAY ABOUT PROVISION AND PROSPERITY
Then I just mark them as I come across them. When you read the Bible everyday, you find that you cover a lot of ground. And I can assure you, you never run out of things to notice/mark/be amazed at. The Bible is incredible. The end result?

What's left?
Buying a new bible, and starting over again, with a modified and perfected method. Seriously. For me, this never gets old. :) Hope this post was helpful to you. One more piece of very good advice: Try to remember what St John of the Cross said about the sacramentals we use (and I think this applies to The Bible.)

"St. John of the Cross points out that sacred objects (sacramentals such as statues, religious articles, spiritual rehcs, crucifixes, rosaries, holy water), and so forth, can play an important role in the spiritual life. However, some people in their prayer life become so attached to these sacred objects that they begin to lose the spiritual benefits they bring. He explains it thus. In the early stages of the spiritual life - he identifies the stages as beginners, advanced, and proficients - God does lead people to him through such sacred objects. However, as they advance in their prayer life from meditative prayer to meditative-contemplative, and finally into pure contemplative prayer, he emphasizes very strongly that they, upon seeing any of these sacred objects, should immediately raise their hearts (souls) to the hidden, incomprehensible God in Heaven Who resides within our own very souls. For He is closer to us than we are to ourselves, but still remains always a hidden God for Whom we should continually search for in our soul. A God Whom we must constantly search out through our prayer life, and through the carrying of our crosses in imitation of Jesus Christ our Saviour. He points out very clearly that when persons sincerely strive for spiritual development and a greater love for God, for holiness, they should avoid the habits of preferring this crucifix to that one because of the quality of wood or metal; or to accumulate rosaries of various types, preferring one to the other because of its colour, metal, size, form and so forth. They begin to accumulate all kinds of statues one after another. In contrast St.John of the Cross affirms that one of the most devout persons he knew had made for himself a rosary of fish bones. Another carried all of his life a simple crucifix made of a palm fastened with a pin.
In following these practices of a habitual attachment to sacred objects considered by them to be more valuable they cease to derive as much spiritual benefit from these sacred objects, than if they had fewer of them. He recommends that they should instead discipline themselves to prayerfully raise their hearts from these sacred objects to the hidden, incomprehensible God. For he cautions, that as such persons excessively attach themselves to sacred objects they are in actuality detaching themselves from a more true, pure love of the hidden God in their hearts and in heaven. He emphasizes, however, lest there be a misinterpretation of what he is advising, that sacred objects are always an aid to raising one's heart closer to God; providing that at a certain stage in one's prayer life, upon seeing these sacred objects, they immediately make a very determined effort to raise their hearts to the ineffable, incomprehensible God."

(From The Book: "SPIRITUAL DIRECTION & SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS")

L'amour fort.... a love story in French and English.

In English:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep,
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say,
'God is in my heart,' but rather,
'I am in the heart of God.'
And think not you can direct the course of love,
for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night,
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

En Francais: 


Alors Almitra dit, Parle-nous de l'Amour.

Et il leva la tête et regarda le peuple assemblé, et le calme s'étendit sur eux. Et d'une voix forte il dit :

Quand l'amour vous fait signe, suivez le.

Bien que ses voies soient dures et rudes.

Et quand ses ailes vous enveloppent, cédez-lui.

Bien que la lame cachée parmi ses plumes puisse vous blesser.

Et quand il vous parle, croyez en lui.

Bien que sa voix puisse briser vos rêves comme le vent du nord dévaste vos jardins.

Car de même que l'amour vous couronne, il doit vous crucifier.

De même qu'il vous fait croître, il vous élague.

De même qu'il s'élève à votre hauteur et caresse vos branches les plus délicates qui frémissent au soleil,

Ainsi il descendra jusqu'à vos racines et secouera leur emprise à la terre.

Comme des gerbes de blé, il vous rassemble en lui.

Il vous bat pour vous mettre à nu.

Il vous tamise pour vous libérer de votre écorce.

Il vous broie jusqu'à la blancheur.

Il vous pétrit jusqu'à vous rendre souple.

Et alors il vous expose à son feu sacré, afin que vous puissiez devenir le pain sacré du festin sacré de Dieu.

Toutes ces choses, l'amour l'accomplira sur vous afin que vous puissiez connaître les secrets de votre cœur, et par cette connaissance devenir une parcelle du cœur de la Vie.

Mais si, dans votre appréhension, vous ne cherchez que la paix de l'amour et le plaisir de l'amour.

Alors il vaut mieux couvrir votre nudité et quitter le champ où l'amour vous moissonne,

Pour le monde sans saisons où vous rirez, mais point de tous vos rires, et vous pleurerez, mais point de toutes vos larmes.

L'amour ne donne que de lui-même, et ne prend que de lui-même.

L'amour ne possède pas, ni ne veut être possédé.

Car l'amour suffit à l'amour.

Quand vous aimez, vous ne devriez pas dire, "Dieu est dans mon cœur", mais plutôt, "Je suis dans le cœur de Dieu".

Et ne pensez pas que vous pouvez infléchir le cours de l'amour car l'amour, s'il vous en trouve digne, dirige votre cours.

L'amour n'a d'autre désir que de s'accomplir.

Mais si vous aimez et que vos besoins doivent avoir des désirs, qu'ils soient ainsi :

Fondre et couler comme le ruisseau qui chante sa mélodie à la nuit.

Connaître la douleur de trop de tendresse.

Etre blessé par votre propre compréhension de l'amour ;

Et en saigner volontiers et dans la joie.

Se réveiller à l'aube avec un cœur prêt à s'envoler et rendre grâce pour une nouvelle journée d'amour ;

Se reposer au milieu du jour et méditer sur l'extase de l'amour ;

Retourner en sa demeure au crépuscule avec gratitude ;

Et alors s'endormir avec une prière pour le bien-aimé dans votre cœur et un chant de louanges sur vos lèvres.

----THE PROPHET/ LE PROPHÈTE, Khalil Gibran.

Saints on Saturdays- Saint Josemaría Escriva

In case you hadn't noticed, he's my favorite saint. :P

From time to time, I think.... it's best to just let him speak for himself.
I can't watch these videos of him without crying. To me, his face is illuminated with Love. And because Love is God, he has become One with God. And that oneness makes me see the face of Jesus in his face, in his gestures, in his laugh, in his words. It's like looking at Jesus' little brother and recognizing Christ Himself in his features. I can't explain it. I just.... love him.
Josemaria untangled my confusion from my difficult Carmelite formation. He taught me how to pray. He taught me how to work. He taught me how to love God, love others, love my Blessed Mother.
He taught me how to suffer. He taught me how to hope. He taught me how to free myself from the bonds of hypocrisy and sinfulness.... really, for the first time in my Christian walk. When I recently experienced a very difficult trial and temptation, he lifted me high above the noise and confusion and passion and showed me the path of peace. He has made me honest with myself and with God.

There is nothing I can really say that will explain it.... so..... here he is.











And this..... this is the way to freedom. THIS RIGHT HERE.


To learn more about Josemaria, please visit http://www.josemariaescriva.info/

Theology Thursdays- The Purpose of Marriage

Our Convalidation 

The Purpose of Marriage according to the Catholic Church, with selections from the catechism and the early Fathers.

In a time when marriage seems to be so misunderstood, and failing, I thought many of you would be interested to meditate on the oldest recorded (and still living and active! :D) purpose of marriage. As a married person, I have been constantly blessed and encouraged that all of this has shown itself to be true when I became willing to give myself entirely to my husband and order my life according to the purpose of marriage and not against it. I believe people should have the chance to read and meditate on these ideas AS THEY DISCERN whether married life is for them. My hope is that each of you, even those of you who are not Catholic, will walk away with a sense of the sacredness of the marital experience. 

FROM THE CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, ENGLISH EDITION

(with scriptural references and references to the early fathers.)



THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY

1601 "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament."84

I. MARRIAGE IN GOD'S PLAN

1602 Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God and concludes with a vision of "the wedding-feast of the Lamb."85 Scripture speaks throughout of marriage and its "mystery," its institution and the meaning God has given it, its origin and its end, its various realizations throughout the history of salvation, the difficulties arising from sin and its renewal "in the Lord" in the New Covenant of Christ and the Church.86

Marriage in the order of creation

1603 "The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of marriage."87 The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes. These differences should not cause us to forget its common and permanent characteristics. Although the dignity of this institution is not transparent everywhere with the same clarity,88 some sense of the greatness of the matrimonial union exists in all cultures. "The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life."89

1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love.90 Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.'"91

1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that the man should be alone."92 The woman, "flesh of his flesh," his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help.93 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."94 The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been "in the beginning": "So they are no longer two, but one flesh."95

Marriage under the regime of sin

1606 Every man experiences evil around him and within himself. This experience makes itself felt in the relationships between man and woman. Their union has always been threatened by discord, a spirit of domination, infidelity, jealousy, and conflicts that can escalate into hatred and separation. This disorder can manifest itself more or less acutely, and can be more or less overcome according to the circumstances of cultures, eras, and individuals, but it does seem to have a universal character.

1607 According to faith the disorder we notice so painfully does not stem from the nature of man and woman, nor from the nature of their relations, but from sin. As a break with God, the first sin had for its first consequence the rupture of the original communion between man and woman. Their relations were distorted by mutual recriminations;96 their mutual attraction, the Creator's own gift, changed into a relationship of domination and lust;97 and the beautiful vocation of man and woman to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth was burdened by the pain of childbirth and the toil of work.98

1608 Nevertheless, the order of creation persists, though seriously disturbed. To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them.99 Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them "in the beginning."

Marriage under the pedagogy of the Law

1609 In his mercy God has not forsaken sinful man. The punishments consequent upon sin, "pain in childbearing" and toil "in the sweat of your brow,"100 also embody remedies that limit the damaging effects of sin. After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving.

1610 Moral conscience concerning the unity and indissolubility of marriage developed under the pedagogy of the old law. In the Old Testament the polygamy of patriarchs and kings is not yet explicitly rejected. Nevertheless, the law given to Moses aims at protecting the wife from arbitrary domination by the husband, even though according to the Lord's words it still carries traces of man's "hardness of heart" which was the reason Moses permitted men to divorce their wives.101

1611 Seeing God's covenant with Israel in the image of exclusive and faithful married love, the prophets prepared the Chosen People's conscience for a deepened understanding of the unity and indissolubility of marriage.102 The books of Ruth and Tobit bear moving witness to an elevated sense of marriage and to the fidelity and tenderness of spouses. Tradition has always seen in the Song of Solomon a unique expression of human love, insofar as it is a reflection of God's love - a love "strong as death" that "many waters cannot quench."103

Marriage in the Lord

1612 The nuptial covenant between God and his people Israel had prepared the way for the new and everlasting covenant in which the Son of God, by becoming incarnate and giving his life, has united to himself in a certain way all mankind saved by him, thus preparing for "the wedding-feast of the Lamb."104

1613 On the threshold of his public life Jesus performs his first sign - at his mother's request - during a wedding feast.105 The Church attaches great importance to Jesus' presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ's presence.

1614 In his preaching Jesus unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman as the Creator willed it from the beginning: permission given by Moses to divorce one's wife was a concession to the hardness of hearts.106 The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."107

1615 This unequivocal insistence on the indissolubility of the marriage bond may have left some perplexed and could seem to be a demand impossible to realize. However, Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy - heavier than the Law of Moses.108 By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to "receive" the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.109 This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ's cross, the source of all Christian life.

1616 This is what the Apostle Paul makes clear when he says: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her," adding at once: "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church."110

1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath.111 which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant.112

Virginity for the sake of the Kingdom

1618 Christ is the center of all Christian life. The bond with him takes precedence over all other bonds, familial or social.113 From the very beginning of the Church there have been men and women who have renounced the great good of marriage to follow the Lamb wherever he goes, to be intent on the things of the Lord, to seek to please him, and to go out to meet the Bridegroom who is coming.114 Christ himself has invited certain persons to follow him in this way of life, of which he remains the model:



"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it."115

1619 Virginity for the sake of the kingdom of heaven is an unfolding of baptismal grace, a powerful sign of the supremacy of the bond with Christ and of the ardent expectation of his return, a sign which also recalls that marriage is a reality of this present age which is passing away.116

1620 Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself. It is he who gives them meaning and grants them the grace which is indispensable for living them out in conformity with his will.117 Esteem of virginity for the sake of the kingdom118 and the Christian understanding of marriage are inseparable, and they reinforce each other:



Whoever denigrates marriage also diminishes the glory of virginity. Whoever praises it makes virginity more admirable and resplendent. What appears good only in comparison with evil would not be truly good. The most excellent good is something even better than what is admitted to be good.119

II. THE CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE

1621 In the Latin Rite the celebration of marriage between two Catholic faithful normally takes place during Holy Mass, because of the connection of all the sacraments with the Paschal mystery of Christ.120 In the Eucharist the memorial of the New Covenant is realized, the New Covenant in which Christ has united himself for ever to the Church, his beloved bride for whom he gave himself up.121 It is therefore fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and the same Blood of Christ, they may form but "one body" in Christ.122

1622 "Inasmuch as it is a sacramental action of sanctification, the liturgical celebration of marriage . . . must be, per se, valid, worthy, and fruitful."123 It is therefore appropriate for the bride and groom to prepare themselves for the celebration of their marriage by receiving the sacrament of penance.

1623 According to Latin tradition, the spouses as ministers of Christ's grace mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church. In the tradition of the Eastern Churches, the priests (bishops or presbyters) are witnesses to the mutual consent given by the spouses,124 but for the validity of the sacrament their blessing is also necessary.125

1624 The various liturgies abound in prayers of blessing and epiclesis asking God's grace and blessing on the new couple, especially the bride. In the epiclesis of this sacrament the spouses receive the Holy Spirit as the communion of love of Christ and the Church.126 The Holy Spirit is the seal of their covenant, the ever available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity.

III. MATRIMONIAL CONSENT

1625 The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; "to be free" means:

- not being under constraint;

- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.

1626 The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage."127 If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

1627 The consent consists in a "human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other": "I take you to be my wife" - "I take you to be my husband."128 This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two "becoming one flesh."129

1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.130 No human power can substitute for this consent.131 If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

1629 For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed.132 In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.133

1630 The priest (or deacon) who assists at the celebration of a marriage receives the consent of the spouses in the name of the Church and gives the blessing of the Church. The presence of the Church's minister (and also of the witnesses) visibly expresses the fact that marriage is an ecclesial reality.

1631 This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement:134

- Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church;

- Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children;

- Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainty about it is necessary (hence the obligation to have witnesses);

- The public character of the consent protects the "I do" once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it.

1632 So that the "I do" of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.

The example and teaching given by parents and families remain the special form of this preparation.

The role of pastors and of the Christian community as the "family of God" is indispensable for the transmission of the human and Christian values of marriage and family,135 and much more so in our era when many young people experience broken homes which no longer sufficiently assure this initiation:



It is imperative to give suitable and timely instruction to young people, above all in the heart of their own families, about the dignity of married love, its role and its exercise, so that, having learned the value of chastity, they will be able at a suitable age to engage in honorable courtship and enter upon a marriage of their own.136

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

IV. THE EFFECTS OF THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY

1638 "From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament."142

The marriage bond

1639 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.143 From their covenant arises "an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society."144 The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God's covenant with man: "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love."145

1640 Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God's fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.146

The grace of the sacrament of Matrimony

1641 "By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God."147 This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple's love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they "help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children."148

1642 Christ is the source of this grace. "Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony."149 Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another's burdens, to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,"150 and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb:



How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.151

V. THE GOODS AND REQUIREMENTS OF CONJUGAL LOVE

1643 "Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter - appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values."152

The unity and indissolubility of marriage

1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses' community of persons, which embraces their entire life: "so they are no longer two, but one flesh."153 They "are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving."154 This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.

1645 "The unity of marriage, distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection."155 Polygamy is contrary to conjugal love which is undivided and exclusive.156

* The fidelity of conjugal love

1646 By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement "until further notice." The "intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them."157

1647 The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament of Matrimony the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning.

1648 It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community.158

1649 Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation. The Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner and in fidelity to their marriage bond which remains indissoluble.159

1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ - "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery"160 the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God's law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence.

1651 Toward Christians who live in this situation, and who often keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude, so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons:



They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the Sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God's grace.161

* The openness to fertility

1652 "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162



Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: "It is not good that man should be alone," and "from the beginning [he] made them male and female"; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply." Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life which results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.163

1653 The fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual, and supernatural life that parents hand on to their children by education. Parents are the principal and first educators of their children.164 In this sense the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service of life.165

1654 Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.

VI. THE DOMESTIC CHURCH

1655 Christ chose to be born and grow up in the bosom of the holy family of Joseph and Mary. The Church is nothing other than "the family of God." From the beginning, the core of the Church was often constituted by those who had become believers "together with all [their] household."166 When they were converted, they desired that "their whole household" should also be saved.167 These families who became believers were islands of Christian life in an unbelieving world.

1656 In our own time, in a world often alien and even hostile to faith, believing families are of primary importance as centers of living, radiant faith. For this reason the Second Vatican Council, using an ancient expression, calls the family the Ecclesia domestica.168 It is in the bosom of the family that parents are "by word and example . . . the first heralds of the faith with regard to their children. They should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each child, fostering with special care any religious vocation."169

1657 It is here that the father of the family, the mother, children, and all members of the family exercise the priesthood of the baptized in a privileged way "by the reception of the sacraments, prayer and thanksgiving, the witness of a holy life, and self-denial and active charity."170 Thus the home is the first school of Christian life and "a school for human enrichment."171 Here one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous - even repeated - forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and the offering of one's life.

1658 We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live - often not of their choosing - are especially close to Jesus' heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors. Many remain without a human family often due to conditions of poverty. Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbor in exemplary fashion. The doors of homes, the "domestic churches," and of the great family which is the Church must be open to all of them. "No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who 'labor and are heavy laden.'"172

IN BRIEF

1659 St. Paul said: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church. . . . This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church" (Eph 5:25, 32).

1660 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as to the generation and education of children. Christ the Lord raised marriage between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament (cf. CIC, can. 1055 § 1; cf. GS 48 § 1).

1661 The sacrament of Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church; the grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life (cf. Council of Trent: DS 1799).

1662 Marriage is based on the consent of the contracting parties, that is, on their will to give themselves, each to the other, mutually and definitively, in order to live a covenant of faithful and fruitful love.

1663 Since marriage establishes the couple in a public state of life in the Church, it is fitting that its celebration be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest (or a witness authorized by the Church), the witnesses, and the assembly of the faithful.

1664 Unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility are essential to marriage. Polygamy is incompatible with the unity of marriage; divorce separates what God has joined together; the refusal of fertility turns married life away from its "supreme gift," the child (GS 50 § 1).

1665 The remarriage of persons divorced from a living, lawful spouse contravenes the plan and law of God as taught by Christ. They are not separated from the Church, but they cannot receive Eucharistic communion. They will lead Christian lives especially by educating their children in the faith.

1666 The Christian home is the place where children receive the first proclamation of the faith. For this reason the family home is rightly called "the domestic church," a community of grace and prayer, a school of human virtues and of Christian charity.





84 CIC, can. 1055 § 1; cf. GS 48 § 1.

85 Rev 19:7, 9; cf. Gen 1:26-27.

86 1 Cor 7:39; cf. Eph 5:31-32.

87 GS 48 § 1.

88 Cf. GS 47 § 2.

89 GS 47 § 1.

90 Cf. Gen 1:27; 1 Jn 4:8, 16.

91 Gen 1:28; cf. 1:31.

92 Gen 2:18.

93 Cf. Gen 2:18-25.

94 Gen 2:24.

95 Mt 19:6.

96 Cf. Gen 3:12.

97 Cf. Gen 2:22; 3:16b.

98 Cf. Gen 1:28; 3:16-19.

99 Cf. Gen 3:21.

100 Gen 3:16, 19.

101 Cf. Mt 19:8; Deut 24:1.

102 Cf. Hos 1-3; Isa 54; 62; Jer 2-3; 31; Ezek 16; 23; Mal 2:13-17.

103 Song 8:6-7.

104 Rev 19:7,9; cf. GS 22.

105 Cf. Jn 2:1-11.

106 Cf. Mt 19:8.

107 Mt 19:6.

108 Cf. Mk 8:34; Mt 11:29-30.

109 Cf. Mt 19:11.

110 Eph 5:25-26,31-32; Cf. Gen 2:24.

111 Cf. Eph 5:26-27.

112 Cf. DS 1800; CIC, Can. 1055 § 2.

113 Cf. Lk 14:26; Mk 10:28-31.

114 Cf. Rev 14:4; 1 Cor 7:32; Mt 2:56.

115 Mt 19:12.

116 Cf. Mk 12:25; 1 Cor 7:31.

117 Cf. Mt 19:3-12.

118 Cf. LG 42; PC 12; OT 10.

119 St. John Chrysostom, De virg. 10,1:PG 48,540; Cf. John Paul II, FC 16.

120 Cf. SC 61.

121 Cf. LG 6.

122 Cf. 1 Cor 10:17.

123 FC 67.

124 Cf. CCEO, can. 817.

125 Cf. CCEO, can. 828.

126 Cf. Eph 5:32.

127 CIC, can. 1057 § 1.

128 GS 48 § 1; OCM 45; cf. CIC, can. 1057 § 2.

129 Gen 2:24; cf. Mt 10:8; Eph 5:31.

130 Cf. CIC, can. 1103.

131 Cf. CIC, can. 1057 § 1.

132 Cf. CIC, cann. 1095-1107.

133 Cf. CIC, can. 1071.

134 Cf. Council of Trent: DS 1813-1816; CIC, can. 1108.

135 Cf. CIC, can. 1063.

136 GS 49 § 3.

137 Cf. CIC, can. 1124.

138 Cf. CIC, can. 1086.

139 Cf. CIC, can. 1125.

140 1 Cor 7:14.

141 Cf. 1 Cor 7:16.

142 Cf. CIC, can. 1134.

143 Cf. Mk 10:9.

144 GS 48 § 1.

145 GS 48 § 2.

146 Cf. CIC, can. 1141.

147 LG 11 § 2.

148 LG 11 § 2; cf. LG 41.

149 GS 48 § 2.

150 Eph 5:21; cf. Gal 6:2.

151 Tertullian, Ad uxorem. 2,8,6-7:PL 1,1412-1413; cf. FC 13.

152 FC 13.

153 Mt 19:6; cf. Gen 2:24.

154 FC 19.

155 GS 49 § 2.

156 Cf. FC 19.

157 GS 48 § 1.

158 Cf. FC 20.

159 Cf. FC 83; CIC, cann. 1151-1155.

160 Mk 10:11-12.

161 FC 84.

162 GS 48 § 1; 50.

163 GS 50 § 1; cf. Gen 2:18; Mt 19:4; Gen 1:28.

164 Cf. GE 3.

165 Cf. FC 28.

166 Cf. Acts 18:8.

167 Cf. Acts 16:31; Acts 11:14.

168 LG 11; cf. FC 21.

169 LG 11.

170 LG 10.

171 GS 52 § 1.

172 FC 85; cf. Mt 11:28.





This Rock

Volume 10, Number 11/12

November/December 1999





Marriages sometimes break up because people have an unclear idea of what marriage is, why it exists, and why it requires such commitment. Many marry based on feelings, with little thought to the nature of the institution. The procreative purpose of marriage, which by natural law is its primary end, is especially neglected. Some married couples plan from the outset never to have children, denying an essential property of marriage (openness to fertility) that is required for it to be validly contracted.



Catholic theology has always recognized that, according to natural law and the Bible, marriage is not only for the companionship and mutual love of the spouses but also for the procreation of children.

Thomas Aquinas stated, "It is clear that offspring is the most essential thing in marriage, secondly fidelity, and thirdly [the] sacrament; even as to man it is more essential to be in nature than to be in grace, although it is more excellent to be in grace" (Summa Theologiae IIIb:49:3).



The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring, and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory" (CCC 1652). "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children" (CCC 2367).



The following passages show the Fathers clearly understood this natural law purpose of marriage, though they also recognized that other benefits (such as companionship, mutual love, physical pleasure, and the release of sexual tension) also follow from it.



Justin Martyr



But whether we [Christians] marry, it is only that we may bring up children; or whether we decline marriage, we live continently (1st Apology 29 [A.D. 151]).



Athenagoras



Therefore, having the hope of eternal life, we despise the things of this life, even to the pleasures of the soul, each of us reckoning his wife whom he has married according to the laws laid down by us, and that only for the purpose of having children" (Plea for the Christians33 [A.D. 177]).



Clement of Alexandria



Since pleasure and desire seem to fall under marriage, it must also be treated of. Marriage is the first conjunction of man and woman for the procreation of legitimate children. . . . Neither ought everyone take a wife, nor every woman take [a husband], nor always, nor in every way, nor inconsiderately. But [she is to take] he who is in certain circumstances, and such a one as and at such time as is requisite, and for the sake of children, and one who is in every respect similar [to her], and who does not by force or compulsion love the husband who loves her. . . . Now marriage is [also] a help in the case of those advanced in years, by furnishing a spouse to take care of one, and by rearing children of her to nourish one's old age" (Stromata 2:23 [A.D. 206]).



Clement of Alexandria



When the apostle [Paul] says it is good not to touch a woman [1 Cor. 7:1], he speaks not to those who chastely use marriage for procreation alone, but to those who were desiring to go beyond procreation, lest the adversary raise a strong blast and arouse desire for foreign pleasures [ie. adultery] (ibid. 3:15:96).



Tertullian



We [Christians] do not indeed forbid the union of man and woman, blessed by God as the generator of the human race, and devised for the replenishment of the earth and the furnishing of the world, and therefore permitted, yet singly [monogamously] (To My Wife 2 [A.D. 207]).



Minucius Felix



By choice we [Christians] are bound by the bond of a single marriage with the desire of procreating (Octaius 31:5 [A.D. 226]).



Origen



But in the New Covenant also there are some legal injunctions [given in concession to human weakness], for example, because of our hardness of heart, it has been written on account of our weakness, "But because of fornications, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband" [1 Cor. 7:2] (Commentary on Matthew 14:23 [A.D. 248]).



Lactantius



Whoever cannot control his affections, let him keep them within the limits of a lawful bed (Divine Institutes 6:23:3 [A.D. 307]).





Lactantius



God gave us eyes not to see and desire pleasure, but to see acts to be performed for the needs of life; so too, the genital ['generating'] part of the body, as the name itself teaches, has been received by us for no other purpose than the generation of offspring (ibid. 6:23:18).



Cyril of Jerusalem



Let those . . . be of good cheer who are married and use their marriage properly; who enter marriage lawfully and not out of wanton and unbounded license; who recognize periods of continence so that they may give themselves to prayer; who in the assemblies bring clean bodies as well as clean garments into church; who have embarked upon the matrimonial estate for the procreation of children, and not for the sake of indulgence (Catechetical Lectures 4:25 [A.D. 350]).



Cyril of Jerusalem



And those who are once married-let them not hold in contempt those who have accommodated themselves to a second marriage. Continence is a good and wonderful thing; but still, it is permissible to enter upon a second marriage, lest the weak might fall into fornication (ibid. 4:26 [A.D. 350]).



John Chrysostom



There are two reasons why marriage was instituted, that we may live chastely and that we may become parents (On Those Words of the Apostle "On Account of Fornication"' [A.D. 392]).



John Chrysostom



There is no great reason to have money while there is great reason to have wives to preserve chastity; hence no one blames a man who has lawful intercourse with his wife into old age, but all blame him who accumulates money (Homilies on Titus 5 [A.D. 395]).



John Chrysostom



[A wife is] espoused to her husband to be his partner in life, and for the procreation of children, not for the purposes of indecency and laughter; that she might keep the house, and instruct him also to be serious, not that she might supply to him the fuel of fornication [Homilies on 1 Thessalonians 5 [A.D. 400]).



Augustine



Among all nations and all men, therefore, the advantage of marriage is for the sake of begetting offspring and in the fidelity of chastity. In the case of the people of God, however, there is also the holiness of the sacrament, on which account a woman is not permitted, even when she leaves with a repudiation, to marry another while her husband yet lives, not even for the sake of bearing children. Although this is the only reason why marriage takes place, even if this for which marriage takes place does not follow, the marriage bond is loosed only by the death of a spouse (On the Good of Marriage24:32 [A.D. 401]).





Augustine



In marriage, however, let the blessings of marriage be loved: offspring, fidelity, and the sacramental bond. Offspring, not so much that it may be born, but because it can be reborn [as a Christian]; for it is born to punishment unless it be reborn to life. Fidelity, but not such as even the unbelievers have among themselves, ardent as they are for the flesh. . . . The sacramental bond, which they lose neither through separation nor through adultery-this the spouses should guard chastely and harmoniously (Marriage and Concupiscence 1:17:19[A.D. 419]).



Augustine



The procreation of children is the first and natural and lawful reason for marriage (On Adulterous Marriages 2:12:12 [A.D. 419]).

How Catholics relate to each other

There is a HYSTERICAL graphic making the rounds that demonstrates how scientists view each other using a chart. My husband and I were talking last night about how funny it would be to make a chart that did the same thing, but with Catholics. Lo and behold, when I woke up this morning, he had made one! I laughed til I cried. Enjoy.