Parallels

I was once in love with a boy we'll call PK. I didn't know I was in love with him then, but time and distance has demonstrated that I created a rather massive soul tie with him.
It all started out as fun and games for me, of course, as most relations with boys always did.

Those of you who have known me long enough know exactly who I'm talking about. And chances are, you hated me loving him. You thought he was controlling, creepy, and totally rude. I thought he was authoratative, a natural leader, and strong. You thought he was mean to me. I thought he could see into my soul and pull out all the surplus garbage that needed filtering.
You thought he could use some help socializing and learning to be normal. I thought he was so intelligent that most people just couldn't understand him.
And on and on it went.
I could relay nearly every second of time spent with PK, even times when I was waiting to see him.

Above everything else, we were friends. GOOD friends. We had a lot in common, we believed in the same things, and we enjoyed "fixing the world" together. On the other hand, it was because of PK that I found myself in a million situations I never, as a Christian woman, should have been in. And it was because of PK that I experienced some of my deepest hurting... and wrote some of my best poetry!

Partially because I don't think he ever really understood what I wanted out of him. Partially because I didn't understand it myself.
And partially because he was a lot younger than me and didn't know what he wanted out of life for himself. He had a general picture, and he didn't really seem to care if I was in it or not. And that was OK, because as I said, we were just special friends.

We took it to a deeper level when I left for the army. Some things got left unsaid, but I could tell that we were moving from a "friendship" bond to something more substantial. Time was not on our side, though, and eventually, I moved into other things.

I met and married Wayne during that time.
He appeared out of nowhere and seemed to be everything that PK was lacking.... he was a Christian, so I knew that that bond would get stronger. PK mocked Christianity, and thought that believing in Christ weakened me. He was a conservative republican, and PK was a liberal democrat with a conspiracy theorist aura. I didn't know much else about Wayne, but I knew that I could count on him to, like PK, set me "straight" when I needed it. I also knew that in this new chapter in my life, where I was ready to move on, I was going to have to leave some things behind.
In the past, I had always walked all over boys and I needed someone who was strong enough to put a stick in my wheels, so to speak. PK was great at that. Wayne is also better at doing that than anyone else. It's one of the best reasons we are married.

Breaking it off with PK then seemed wierd. On the one hand, we had never made any official plans to actually become anything other than in my vain imaginings. On the other hand, I knew that I had deeply connected with him on a level that I wasn't likely to encounter again, and that in some wierd way, he was going to miss me too.

I never was able to read his last letter to me, mostly because it had sat in the mail locker in CQ for more than three weeks, where some private had had a friend who sent him a literal cow tongue in the mail rot the rest of the mail as it sat and waited for us to be "good enough" to get our mail at our nightly hydration formation. When the drill sergeants had discovered the disturbing contents of the package, they had hosed down the rest of the mail because of germs. Genius.
So, I got a letter from him, the last one, which I opened slowly while shining my boots in the gentle beginnings of a summer evening on Ft Jackson.
The inside was a blur of ink, mingled with water, and forever smeared across the page in an illegible mess that I was dying to read.
I think that was a God moment. If I could have read it, I'm sure my heart would have burst and I probably would have lacked the strength to do what I had to do to get on out of there.

I've been thinking about that moment alot lately. It was like a line was drawn, right down on the ground in front of me. I had a choice. I was already neck deep in everything crazy that was going on around me, but ultimately, I was caving in to the pressure of not being breakable by the US Army. I thought there was something wrong with me because they just couldn't do anything to make me take them seriously. I knew who those guys were when they came home at night. I couldn't respect them because of it.
I was choosing who was going to get to be my authority. I did it on the basis of what I FELT like doing at the time.
It was easy to look at Wayne and see a romantic love story unfolding... it was easy to see a country music video playing in my brain... a novel... a tragic poem.

I did the exact same thing when I left the nondenominational playground. I was choosing who I want to have as my authority. And although it's wierd to some people that that would be an issue, I know that others get it. We are all slaves to something.
I chose Wayne over the US Army and ultimately, over PK because it seemed easier and more immediate. I did NOT choose to leave the nondenominational world because it seemed easier and more…. Current. This time around, my decision making skills have been honed. I needed to get away from fundamentalism. I needed to get away from faulty theology. I needed to find God in the midst of all the insanity.

Over the first year of our marriage, I discovered that Wayne and I, in fact, had nothing in common. That has served to make us stronger, in that we were forced to build a common bond from nothing-- and that every day we are still able to learn something new about each other. We still work at it every day. Just tonight, we read each other’s blogs and gave each other input. We talked about some things we can do to bring vision back into our team. We opened up to each other. He expressed how much more depth his life has and meaning as a Catholic, and how grateful he is for my role in that. We both thanked the Holy Spirit.

In the same way, since returning to the Catholic church, I’m discovering that I have to build bonds with the church from nothing. We have one basic thing in common: Jesus Christ, and from that, we are working to teach each other and grow from each other. We are experiencing and creating community. We are developing team vision and a plan.

As a married woman, I obviously had to break off the friendly “ties” I had to PK. By mutual agreement, Wayne and I agreed that just as he shouldn’t remain in close personal contact with his ex fiancee, PK and I didn’t really have any business maintaining communication. I am confident that he knows “the things that were left unsaid,” and that he has found closure in that. Likewise, I have found closure on my own end.
And ultimately, I have not allowed myself to dwell on any of it, because of the implications that come with it.

Similarly, I have made a decision and I know that it was the right one. I can see already in how many amazing ways I have been blessed and provided for since leaving nondenominational fundamentalism. I have been truly graced with incredible graces, and I look forward to every new day. In my anger against it for not being able to provide me with what it should have, there will always be a soft spot in my heart. And I find that if I remember that soft spot, I am moved to tears by the sheer possibility of what it offered me.

I don’t think it’s wrong to remember these things with fondness if they help us to look to the situation at hand and see what a blessing it is for us. I pray that I am able to be a better wife to Wayne and a better friend to him by the lessons I learned from PK. Similarly, I hope he will be a better husband to someone one day by the things he learned from my friendship.

In the same way, I pray that I am able to be a better Catholic by dwelling on the good things that came from my relationship with nondenominational fundamentalism--- that passion, that depth of relationship, that “All for God” mentality--- which I know is of the One who made us. I pray that I am able to stop being furious at time that was wasted and start being grateful for what I have learned.
And I think, just now as I’m writing this blog, that I’m finally at that point.

So I’m thankful to PK, and I’m thankful to my eleven long years away from the Church, for making me a better woman today than I was then.

Who is in control?

I'm such a fundy :P
In my heart, my answer to the question "Who is in control?" Is automatically to gleefully shout out: "GOD!"
And yes, that hasn't changed.
What HAS Changed is my concept of my own control. It used to be that I thought God was in control of everything to the point of me literally asking God, as a wonderful Ravelry poster Gwanla said today, "wether I should go right or go left."
I dont see that there's anything wrong with that... I think it's admirable to seek God's will in everything and I pray that I will always continue to do so.
Here's where it gets wierd, though.

I realized recently, within the last year, that when I was reading my Bible, it wasn't always just ME and GOD.
There was alot of inbetween stuff that I personally didn't understand, concepts I needed to grasp, and things I needed to learn to mature. And so as I studied my bible in my daily devotions, I did several things.
I read the verse:

"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40


First, I would go to the reference verses and the commentary:

no commentary.
reference:
is 8:20
20 To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
is 34:16
16 " Search from the book of the LORD, and read:
Not one of these shall fail;
Not one shall lack her mate.
For My mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them.
lu 24:27
27 And beginning at Moses and all the Prophets, He expounded to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself.

It begins to paint a picture: Jesus is telling them that his presence is a fulfillment of the scripture.
But still, I feel that God has led me to this verse today for a reason. And I haven't taken from it much more than an encouragement that Jesus is the Way. Maybe that's all. Maybe He wants to give me more from that.

My initial response might be to ask my pastor. Or to ask a friend. Or to look up the words in the strong's concordance. Or to look up the passage in any number of bible handbooks. Or to bring it up at a bible study.

ANd that's where it happens: suddenly I've given control of my biblical interpretation to another! Suddenly, my pastor, who is a scriptural authority, or my author of my bible handbook, or the author of my study bible notes, or Mr. Strong... that person becomes the theologist that I have entrusted to help me gain more insight.

when I realized that ALL of us interpret the bible in one way or another, , it answered the question that had always bothered me: how can Mormons, Jehova's Witnesses, Catholics, Baptists, Pentacostals, Presbytarians, and even Unitarians read the Bible, the same bible, and then come to such varied and different conclusions about doctrine?
I've always known that we do this on some level..but I never realized the implications until recently. Suddenly, it doesn't make me want to bash my head against a wall whenever I hear someone quote scripture "out of context." I say that in quotations because they aren't always doing it out of context. They are often doing it "from their own interpretation." "from their own theological perspective."

What do we do when one verse means one thing to one person and one thing to another? Yes, ask God. Sure. But that's like saying... Oh, I don't know. "Get out of the boat, and walk on the water." It's not the right answer.
The right answer is to look and see if our interpretation is historically and archeologically valid. Can we prove-- or at least, not disprove-- through science, history, or social history that this was so? Can we, at the very least, prove that the first Christians, those who walked with Christ, or who were discipled by those who KNEW Jesus Christ in the flesh, believed this way?
In this way, God speaks to us.
THEN, as we build a correct theology, we are able to go deeper and to receive accurate knowledge of the truth and to find more profound meaning in the text than just the surface meaning.

That's how I "came home to Rome," because I can now show you, in every doctrinal point that I believe, WHY I believe what I do. Not only based on scripture, which is absolutely necessary, but based on the fact that my predecessors, the earliest recorded Christians, believed and taught and protected as truth these same things.

Because of that, I have chosen to give my own control over to the church, to allow the church to have a part in how I interpret scripture, and to see that I have chosen to give the interpretation of the things I find "difficult" or "complex" to be from true sources of early Christianity, sources which I know will be accurate because they were the initial "defenders of the faith!"

Because of that, I can trust that the "hard verses" will be interpreted correctly.
And through that confidence, I am free to hear God's voice in my morning devotions without fear that I will err and hear anything other than Him:

I know now that Eucharistic theology demonstrates the importance of the verse above. Jesus said this just before he fed the great multitude (6:1-12), and did so giving thanks over the bread and protecting what remained as a predecessor of the eucharistic feast. In relation to the Eucharist, I can look at the verse above and hear Jesus saying: "I am the Word, and you will find me in the scriptures, but do not neglect to meet me in the Eucharist, where you can come to Me for life."

"But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He has sent, Him you do not believe. You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me.
But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."
-John 5:38-40

I can not tell you how much deeper and more beautiful that simple passage of scripture is to me now.... I am loving every minute of this walk. And all of that because I was finally willing to admit that we ALL interpret scripture.

Comparative Religions

I stumbled across a terrible argument that my husband and my dearest friend had last night in the R&P. I cannot tell you how upsetting it was to me. First, because I know that both strive to please God, to live like Christ, and to love one another.
Second, because I know what each one is going through that causes them to respond and act the way they do individually. And third, because I just cannot see the value anymore in these types of arguments: "You're a Christian," "No you aren't.," "Yes, I am, and here's why." "Oh yeah? Well here are my twenty scriptures that say that you aren't." " really? Because here are thirty that say that I am."
and on and on and on and on it goes.
I used to think that the point of apologetics was to prove other doctrines false. And while I maintain that that's a part of it, I now think the point is to prove OUR doctrine right.
Because the bottom line, in this world, is that we want to see people brought to the REAL Jesus. And however we choose to do this, it needs to be in the utmost humility..esteeming the other person more important than ourselves. We do not know what other people are experiencing and going through.
How easy is it , for us who live in the R&P, to look at two posts, think we have the person "all figured out" and then proceed to try to "shut them down
so that they face the truth.
Instead of doing that, let's try St Francis' method of sharing the gospel:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.




For the next paragraph,
(M) symbolizes LDS
(C) symbolizes Catholic
(Ch) symbolizes Mainstream Christian

Here is my understanding of the three groups' basic doctrine:

The nature of God (C) Trinity: 3 persons, 1 God (Ch) Trinity: 3 Persons, 1 God (M) Godhead: 3 persons (gods), separate, operating in unity as one God.
The nature of Man (C) Dignity and a need for salvation due to original sin (Ch) depravity or total depravity and a need for salvation (M) dignity and a need for salvation which was accomplished by Christ's death on the cross.
The goal (C) Heaven, by way of sanctification (Ch) Heaven, by way of sanctification while alive on earth only (M) One of three heavens, ultimately, the highest level.
The problem (C) Once original sin has been washed away in baptism, we still sin. This keeps us from sanctification. (Ch) Once we receive Christ through a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from being holy on earth. (M) Once we have made a decision to believe, we still sin. This keeps us from achieving our best effort for sanctification and thus compromises which level of heaven we will attain.
The solution (C) Confession and repentance, daily acts of penance and a personal relationship with Christ (Ch) a personal relationship with Christ which should end up in confession and repentance (M) Confession and repentance and a personal relationship with Christ.
The scriptures (C) the Holy Bible, complete. (Ch) The Holy Bible, minus a few books (M) The Holy Bible, KJV, plus the Book of Mormon, works by JS, and any other "offcial statements" or expressions of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The church (C) The Body of Christ on earth, both literally and figuratively. The institution which was set up by CHrist through the first pope, Peter. The structure which represents both apostolic authority and unity in the Holy SPirit. (Ch) the body of Christ on earth, comprised of people from every denomination who profess faith in Christ (M) The institution set up by Jesus Christ Himself on earth.
The structure of authority.

The issue?
(Ch) LDS teaches a gospel different than that of the Bible alone. Thus, the church itself cannot be true. LDS should get out in order to receive teachings which do not clash with the Bible. LDS people are very kind and wonderful citizens, but this will not get them into heaven, and ultimately, that's all that matters.
(C) LDS and Catholics have much to partner on and agree on many things. Unfortunately, the foundational doctrines are so different that the Catholic church cannot, in right conscience, accept the baptisms of members of the LDS Church as "the baptism of Jesus" and ask that people who wish to be Catholics and were once LDS be re-baptized (even though other "Christian" denominations' baptisms are seen as valid). Although the doctrinal differences are great, and the LDS teachings may not result in salvation, the Catholic church wishes to afford the LDS Church both human dignity and service and gratitude for their exemplary moral behavior. The most important thing to keep in mind, however, is that heaven is waiting and we must light the way.
(M) Although the mainstream Christian world is in apostasy and has apostasized, the LDS CHurch wishes to bring both love and service to the people of the world and to share their hope due to the restoration of the "complete" gospel. While maintaining a safe "distance" from the world, LDS have a responsibility to render compassion to all and to share the Book of Mormon as a way of sharing the "fullness" of the gospel and thus preparing the people they encounter for eternity.

I have to say, nothing that I have ever read or heard from Latter Day Saint sources has ever been even remotely compatible with what I consider to be "the truth," the word of God.
I disagree wholeheartedly with nearly every lesson in the "Gospel Principles" book. I DO fear for the salvation of mormons... I really do. Especially those, who, like my dear friend, have been exposed to doctrinal inconsistencies in mormonism, as opposed to ones who were raised mormons and have never really had any experience studying or hearing about what the Bible teaches is the nature of God, etc.
That being said, may I never forget how many sincere and wholly zealous people are in the LDS Church. May I never forget that these people are reaching out to God in heaven....and that my poor prayers can only be offered up to God's divine mercy. May I never forget that these people have a TESTIMONY, and thus they will fight for that testimony because they beleive IN FAITH, and that is not something you can "reason away" from people.-

Instead of this constant squabbling back and forth, I prefer to dialogue... and to do so in total humility, which I hope will be an outward sign of my desire to unite all people's under the Banner of Heaven.
Please hold me accountable to this, if you were to catch me debating in the R&P, because my desire is for PEACE. I will not compromise truth for that peace, but may I never be an impediment TO that true peace which comes from accurate knowledge of Jesus Christ.

One of the biggest problems I'm having right now is that I've been taught to see demons everywhere, but I have rarely been taught to see the Face of Christ in everyone I meet.

Colossians on Compassion

Colossians 3:
12
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
13
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
14
And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.
15
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.
16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.


These verses are so rich, and they encompass exactly what I think I’ve been trying to depict for so long that bothered me about being a part of the evangelical movement.
Heartfelt compassion.
Kindness.
Humility.
Gentleness.
Patience.
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE that the Roman Catholic Church does not contain the fullness of the truth of the gospel, that it is not the church founded by Christ and that the idea of searching for the “true church” is frivolous, then how do you plan on embodying these things towards Catholics? How can you show them these things… and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?

Likewise, Catholics, if you really and truly believe that the Catholic Church is the church founded by Christ, that it is the sole source of true authority, and that it’s teachings are correct… then how can you demonstrate these things to protestants and still maintain your “holy and beloved” status?

The scripture itself lays it out:

bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

And again:

And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.

These things seem easy, but in the face of such highly charged conversations as the ones we have been having, I have to say that I have failed MISERABLY at doing just this! I stand convicted in the face of God’s Word at having been totally (and deliberately) striving against my protestant brothers and sisters by having forgotten to forgive (I admit, it has given me so much pain to lose friendships over these things!) and having forgotten to be a bringer of PEACE and thankfulness.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

May we all do these things over and over again:

As I suggested yesterday, let us all spend time in the Word of God, getting to know Him intimately.

Let us teach and admonish each other IN ALL WISDOM.

Let us sing psalms (by the way, Catholics do this literally five times a day… in the liturgy of the hours. We chant the psalms. J)

Hymns…. And spiritual songs. With gratitude in our hearts to God!

By doing all of this, and by following the further advice to the Colossians to :

(4)2
Persevere in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving;
3
at the same time, pray for us, too, that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak of the mystery of Christ (…)
5
Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
6
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you know how you should respond to each one.
May we always find ourselves in perfect unity of the Holy Spirit. And may we always be content to grow in godliness and persevere in our walks.
May we form our consciences on the Word of God as time goes by, so that we become more and more like Christ!

Growing Pains

DISCLAIMER: My computer broke on Monday night, so I am not able to be online much at all. Please forgive me if I take a while to respond to things. Also, my little bean's arm was broken on Monday. PLease Please please pray for her as she is suffering much and continues to.

I am about to confess to you guys something that the Lord has really laid on my heart.
I am so sorry. This blog tends to be a cathartic exercise for me… once which I take great pains to be honest and open in, even though the fact that it is widely publicized makes it difficult to do so without hurting others. I try to share what I’m really thinking and feeling, and that tends to mean that I blurt out a lot of stuff I shouldn’t necessarily be sharing with everyone in the whole world.
The last few months have been a classic example of that. I’ve been FAR too harsh on my protestant brothers and sisters, and far too frustrated with protestant THEOLOGY to allow room for dialogue, and I owe everyone who reads this blog an apology. I’ve hit, several times now, below the belt, because of my frustrations. Please forgive me.

In the paragraphs that follow, I’m going to try to explain what has been going through my mind and heart. I’m going to try to show you why I have experienced such a drastic change of heart, and why it’s been so hard to express without stepping on at least SOME toes… and hopefully, I’ll do so in a way that shows you how much I treasure your friendships and how much I treasure your fellowship.
And hopefully, at the end of this big, giant mess, we will find ourselves at the feet of Jesus.

I recently had a conversation with the woman who discipled me as I was first leaving the Catholic Church. She is someone who I respect as not only my spiritual superior but as a true Proverbs 31 woman in every sense of the word…she changed my life by always pointing me towards Jesus, and I am eternally grateful for her.
Over the years, I have always turned to her for advice. I found that I could count on her to always be the “voice of wisdom” for me, and I have always asked her to do so. As I have grown and changed as a Christian, going from superficially “believing” to molding my life daily after Jesus Christ, I discovered that I didn’t always agree with her assessment of things. Which surprised me whenever it happened, because I had always assumed that the more we both looked like Jesus, the more we would look like each other. That wasn’t at all the case, for instance, when I called her in a panic about what I was observing at the church in Isla Vista. She was neither alarmed nor concerned, and that both alarmed and concerned me. But through that incident, I learned that God often leads us to different things in different times and places…. That while He had graced her with specific gifts and callings, He had graced me with different ones, and that we would never “look” identical at the soul level. I’ve met people who I connect with in an “identical soul level” kinda way. It’s rare.

Anyways, her major concern was about the Marian issue. If I was praying to Mary, I was a victim of flawed theology. She reasoned with me that the Marian element of Catholicism was several things:
1. Idolatry.
2. A false elevation of the Biblical Mary, who was not mentioned often in the bible, and who, though she should certainly be praised for her willing obedience, wasn’t that important.
3. False because the dead in heaven have no contact or knowledge of the faithful on earth.

All of these things, incidentally, were the same objections which I brought to the table when Mary revealed her Immaculate Heart to me through the goings on at Medjugorje. And I can tell you, I (and Wayne) lost a lot of sleep over what to do.
On the one hand, we have the Marian Apparitions are demonic camp. On the other, we have the Marian Apparitions are from God camp. And there is a wide, (and serious) divide between the two. Wayne and I ultimately came to a “God can use anything to talk to anyone” place (remember, He used ASTROLOGY to speak to the maggi) but it took a LONG time for us to fully appreciate the Catholic Teachings on the Theology of the Body and how Mary is the perfect picture of the Bride of Christ, etc. A lot. These aren’t things we just woke up one day going… hmmm. Sounds nice. It was through MUCH prayer and contemplation and study that we came to the conclusion that
1. Mary holds a special place in God’s heart and therefore an important ministry.
2. Mary has been given to us (the church) as a spiritual mother.
3. Mary intercedes for her children on earth to her Son, pointing all who put their trust in her to Jesus Christ, who is HER Lord and HER Savior as well as ours.

We can back those things up chapter and verse, but to someone who’s mind is closed to the possibility that Marian apparitions might be of a nondemonic source, well… it’s an exercise in futility. Soooo, I was not expecting her to understand. She did bring up a verse that she felt demonstrated that the dead in heaven have no possible connection to those on the earth. I haven’t found that verse, but as I’ve been going through Revelations systematically, I have found to the contrary that it would seem that those “above” and those “below” are inextricably linked. Nevertheless, I promised her that I would evaluate, and evaluate I will. I am taking EVERYTHING you guys say into consideration (although I have to admit, most of your arguments are things that Wayne and I considered right off the bat and thus things that we overcame with theology, you know?)

That being said, she also said something which, as I meditate on it more and more, disturbs me the most. Her concern is not at all that I would want to be a member of the Catholic Church. Like many of you, she thinks, “hey, if that’s where God has you then no problem.” Her concern is that I am BELIEVING the teachings of the Catholic Church, which does NOT fit in with her theological worldview. After our talk, she wrote me an email saying that she hoped that I would be led to Jesus and not theology, and I can understand what she means. For someone who HASN’T studied theology but simply learned from ones’ teachers, etc, the “truths” evident in scripture are just that…evident. For me? It’s a little bit different. As a myspacer and now as a raveler, I’ve had to seriously study the roots and wheres and whys and hows of belief systems, from the ground up. You HAVE to, if apologetics is your thing. And just like alllll those seminary students who enthusiastically hightail it to Bible College to “make a difference,” and come out atheist graduates, I was finding some SERIOUS holes. Holes big enough that entire nations are slipping through. And those holes were killing me.
Because if I’m going to believe something is true, it HAS to make rational, reasonable sense to me. I believe in blind faith, but I believe that faith has to stem from the “TRuth” which is found in the Word of God. And the Word of God just doesn’t line up when it comes to some beliefs that I have always held as just plain, old, Bible truth.

How can that be? Because there are HOLES in the way we as protestants live out our lives and what the Bible SAYS to do. There is a huge chunk of missing stuff that we seem to have put aside. Much of it, like the idea of the Real Presence at the Eucharist, is like this:
Protestant: I believe the ENTIRE Bible is literal.
Catholic: I believe the Bible needs to be looked at in different lights. Some of it is literal, some of it allegorical, some of it prophetic, etc. But all of it is TRUE.
Protestant: I believe that Jesus is speaking symbolically when he says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood.
Catholic: But why? You just said the entire Bible was literally true.
Protestant: Because. It is symbolic.

That isn’t good enough for me. In my conversation with her, she said that she didn’t know either way because the Bible wasn’t conclusive about it and she was ok with not knowing. That isn’t good enough for me either! If the Bible is going to teach us an important doctrine like that (and we all agree that it’s important) then it’s going to show us CLEARLY the right way to observe it, right? Otherwise, God didn’t really think all this stuff through. And I know that’s not true! So, all of this to say that I don’t think the study of theology itself is fruitless because ultimately, it leads us CLOSER To God, so long as we are studying good theology. Which I had never really found until I began to look at theology from a Catholic perspective and realized why they need an entire city state to do this stuff-- because it’s THAT deep and meaningful.

Anyways, I realized in talking to her that many of YOU too, the ones who are OK with my move although probably a little bit disappointed, are OK with it because you believe that there ARE Christians in the Catholic Church. God is merciful!
BUT, as she put it to me, “You know the WHOLE truth. So God will expect you to hold fast to it and not fall into the trappings of religion.”
When she said that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I didn’t come to the Catholic Church, and neither did Wayne, because we wanted to be a part of it. WE came here because we believed that the RCC is teaching people the WHOLE truth. Not just parts and bits. The WHOLE truth. Which is a radical concept… but makes sense. Because we have received the BIBLE THROUGH the CHURCH, not the CHURCH because of the Bible. Before we had the Bible, the CHURCH was the source of all truth. And because of that, I can look at each of these teachings in light of tradition that is more than “religion.” It’s SACRED Tradition. It’s the literal words of the apostles. It’s the literal words of Christ. At the end of the book of John, it tells us that if we were to write down ALL the things which Christ did when he was here, not even the world itself could contain all the books. So why are we confined to the books of Scripture? Why do I keep hearing, as an objection, well “the Bible doesn’t SAY that!“ or “nowhere do I see anything that allows for that in scripture.”

YES, before you have a heart attack, sacred scripture is our measuring stick, our unique source of truth and inspired by the Holy Spirit, but do we not believe that the saints were also inspired by that same Holy Spirit?

Anyways, that’s the thing. I’m not buying the “The Church is the Body of Christ, everyone who believes in the Lord Jesus,” bit anymore and that isn’t because I think that non-Catholics are no longer members of the Body of Christ-- rather, I know that they are, just as I did before. But they are members of the lowercase “C” church, and not in union with the uppercase “C” church, which is the institution set up by Christ Himself as our “tool” for sanctification. It’s the only real authority, because the way I see it now, any protestant authority has only the authority we give it: I am under the authority of Manna church because I choose to belong to it, but when I leave, it has no authority over me. Not so for the Catholic Church, whether I am in union with it or not, it still holds the power wielded by the apostles, and passed on by the laying on of hands through the ages.

THAT is what’s really freaking people out. THAT is why I keep offending people, because if I believe that they think that I no longer believe scripture, when in fact the opposite is true-- all of those obscure statements in scripture are suddenly crystal clear to me.

Do I think I have all the answers? No way. But I am finally finding answers to the questions that have been plaguing me for YEARS. Things like:

If we go to heaven when we die, then why do we raise people from the dead? Who would want to come back here?
What’s the deal with deathbed confessions? Heaven or no?
If Jesus Christ forgives ALL our sins immediately upon our “acceptance” of Him as our Savior and initial repentance, then why do we keep repenting and asking forgiveness? Likewise, why do we continue to sin?
If we are all “Asleep” until judgement day, then how come some people aren’t and are seen in the Bible?
If we are supposed to be “One” as He and the Father are One, then what the heck is wrong with us? How can we fix this lack of oneness problem? There seems to be no answer!
How come I feel constantly compelled to judge people by the standard of scripture as an evangelical tool (DO you know you’re a sinner?) instead of just serving people and “loving God and loving my neighbor?”
If the dead can’t hear us or know what’s going on with us, then why does Revelations say they can?
If the dead in heaven are disconnected from us on earth and have nothing to do with us, are no longer married to each other, are no longer in families, etc., then how is it heaven?

And on and on it goes.

Anyways, this is NOT a blog to delineate the differences, yet again, between Catholics and Protestants although it HAS to go that direction in order for you to understand what I am saying:

It’s NATURAL for the fact that we have come to believe that what the Catholic Church teaches, in its entirety, is THE Truth, can make you freak out. WE get that. But that doesn’t make it any less true. What we “thought” we understood about God and life and “theology” (which isn’t a bad word, just a confusing word, in the end) didn’t hold up to the pressure. So what I’m saying is, just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that we’ve “turned away from the truth.” It means that suddenly, for you and for us, the definition of “Truth” is a bit skewed. It means that one of us is doing something a little “more” right than the other. And that’s OK, because according to our own consciences and our own relationships WITH God, we are doing what HE is leading us to do. Not what WE are being led to do in a human way. SO I guess what I’m saying is, if I want to be treated respectfully as a person who a) knows her bible and b) is totally submitted to her Lord and Savior I have to remember that everyone I know and love who doesn’t have the same THEOLOGY as me still a) knows their bible and b) are totally submitted to their Lord and Savior.
Ultimately, we have to act within the confines of our own consciences. And we cannot cannot cannot attack each other. I have been dead wrong to paint protestants in such an unsavory light, because in doing so I’m just as bad as the protestants who do the same to Catholics! What I propose so that healing is experienced by all is this:

1. Let’s all get to crackin’ open the word of God. Really.
2. Let’s all do so while trying to remove the “skin” we think it wears. Let’s always try to be objective as we look at scripture and not to take anything for granted as “obvious,” but to let scripture speak for itself.
3. Let’s all remember to love on each other instead of cracking heads over theology. Because good theology leads us TO Jesus, and not away from Him. It brings us together to the foot of the cross, and enables us to experience His divine mercy in ways we couldn’t if our ideas about Him didn’t hold up to the pressure.

My key sin for the last few months has been a TOTAL lack of humility. I didn’t see that because I was so obviously humbled by the Eucharist and focusing on that. But what I missed was that I was NOT humbled by my protestant brothers and sisters who genuinely LOVE Jesus and are living to serve Him the best way they know how. I have no right to take that away from them, even if it isn’t what I personally believe is “fully” true. Ultimately, we are all the sons and daughters of the King, and it’s high time we learned to live together in the Kingdom.

Dear Dara

Dear Dara,

If you're wondering why I'm writing you here, it's because the more I think about our conversation, the more I wish I could have explained better what's going on with us... and I'm sure that our conversation will answer so many other's questions! Wayne says I probably overwhelmed you with information, because in order for you not to worry about me, you first would have to agree with me that Catholicism is a valid expression of Christianity, and then examine each teaching of the church in light of scripture just to make sure I have all my ducks in a row(as a friend said yesterday/) I was trying to give it to you backwards--- why I believe all the different teachings are biblical first and THEN why that makes catholicism not just "an" acceptable form of Christian worship but "the" most acceptable form of Christian worship in my mind.

This is what I "should have said," in hopes that you can read it and chew on it before we talk again.

In order to understand why I retunred to the Catholic church, you have to understand why I left in the first place.
Up until sixteen, I had strong faith, but like many teenagers, I rebelled against God. That rebellion caused my need for God to skyrocket, and so at 18, I searched for God with more fervor than I ever had before.
I expressed my search in terms of my catholicism-- meaning, I tried to get closer to him through "being" a Catholic--- but because in my domestic church, my home, I had never seen an example of "personal" relationship with Christ, I didn't know how to live one out. It wasn't that my mom didn't have one, it was that she treated it sort of like a secret. And because of that, I wasn't introduced to the concept that God was absolutely a normal part of my every day life. Praying was a private, personal act. Not something we did as a family regularly.
After a brief stint in Wicca, which came about just as a "seeking God" kinda thing that teenagers do, I was ready to grow in my catholic faith, but I didn't know how.
At that time, I became friends with some of Jehova's Witnesses totally by accident. And through them, I began to discern that God was calling all of us to a life of radical holiness. I realized that the reason I wasn't getting in touch with God was that I WAS FULL OF SIN, and that that sin was keeping me in a state of farness from God. This didn't happen over night. It was a gradual thing. But it was there, nonetheless, as I tried to conform to an "image of godliness" that I began to discern in people around me. The problem was that I was looking for it in PEOPLE and not in Jesus Christ.
That's because I had never really paid attention to the Word of God. That isn't because I was catholic--- Catholics believe very strongly in knowing the Word of God and have the Word proclaimed at church every single day of the year. It was because, again, I had never had that example in my "domestic church. (at home)

Because of that, I was fascinated with what my Jehova's Witness friends had to offer. They gave me a bible and a hundred billion books and brochures using scripture quotations (out of context, I will say) telling me that my religion was dead and that God was no longer active in the Catholic Church, that the Church was actually the Whore of babylon, that people in Catholic Churches were really pagans in disguise, etc etc etc.
Fortunately, God gave me discernment to recognize immediately that their Bible was very "different " from every other bible, but I really did begin to understand the call to holiness.

Shortly afterwards, I happened to be at a Calvary Chapel on Christmas Eve and heard pastor ricky preach on surrender to Jesus. And in that moment, I realized why I hadn't been able to figure out all this time-- that I had never really "surrendered" to Jesus! I dropped to my knees right there in the service and asked Him to come into my life in a new way. Protestants call that "the day I was saved."

I had never liked Calvary Chapel people much before. They were always coming up to me and inviting me to this or that church event and "Christian concert" and asking me if I was saved and trying to share the gospel with me. They were so verbal about their salvation that it really irritated me... but slowly, this began to change as I got to know and love the CCSB and reality crew.

Being around all these Christians was wierd for me because as I was "taken into the fold," I had a hard time finding a place. Many of these kids were raised Christians and had never seen someone quite like me, who was very far removed from anything resembling holiness at the time! They were actually pretty judgemental and difficult to befriend, but I persisted and met some amazing people. Many of them would talk about my amazing testimony.... and I began to notice how when they talked about it, it was often about how I had been saved not just from a sinful lifestyle but from a dead religion.
From a religion that taught that I could be saved by works. From a religion that taught that I should worship idols. From a religion that taught that there is a man in a dress standing between me and my God.
I also began noticing that Britt would frequently mention Catholicism in his sermons in a very.....ugly....... light. Britt's passion for eschatology and end times scenarios played out (and still do ) in a beleif that the RCC had a big role to play in the damnation of the world. And thats major!
But britt knew a lot more about theology than I did, right? So I beleived him. He was teaching me. Then came Dave Hunt. And Jacob Prasch. And Jacob Reeve. and Derek Prince. And Charles Simpson. And Erik Krueger. and Michael Fletcher.... and eventually, all these pastors in my life all built this great web of theology in my brain that demonstrated that anyone stuck in the RCC, if ever they happend to BE saved, should get out right away!
But with this new opinion, I had to be able to back it up. After all, hundreds of Catholic family members and friends and people on myspace were demanding that I back up my opinion that Catholicism was a great evil. And so I began to study theology, and apologetics, which enabled me to "be ready with an answer from the Bible" (the FINAL authority) to respond to naysayers. In doing so, I distanced myself so far from teh RCC that I refused to enter a church or to take communion. In fact, it was the source of great frustration to my family.

Meanwhile, something really troubling happened to me. I made friends with Selah|Maggie in the R&P forum, and she was a mormon. A mormon who loved Jesus--- and worse yet, who demonstrated the fruits of the spirit! Gah! What a conundrum for my nondenominational mindset.... how could a mormon be saved???? WAS she saved??? I agnonized over this question. I asked all the great teachers I had come to know. She confused everyone this side of Calvinism and Arminianism.
And over time, I decided that she must be saved, but that she needed to leave the LDS church immediately. Just like some of the Catholics I knew were saved, but they had to get out. Staying meant endangering their souls by surrounding them with false information. She did.

My time returning to IV with Wayne was one of mostly disillusionment. I can't tell you how frustrated I got with both the church in IV and the church back here in NC. it seemed that everywhere I looked, Christians were trying to "reinvent the wheel." Developping new ways to worship, new things to focus on, new ideas about what the church was and wasn't. And in the midst of all this, I experienced a lot of disgust with how much evangelicals TALK and how little they ACT when compared, as a whole, with churches like the Catholic Church or the Mormon Church. This happened because I lived in lompoc, where I saw what Catholic Charities were doing every day for the poor.
When I came back to NC, my pastor started this campaign called "Revolutionary Love." In it, he provided everyone with these cards that had the gospel on them. You were supposed to hand them out as you did a good deed, and then you could blog about it on the church website. It was horrible to read--- my initial excitement over the campaign faded fast as I realized how to so many evangelicals the actual act of "giving someone the tract" was the act of love they were doing. Bleh.
At the same time, God hit me with some pretty serious disgust over what many large Christian churches were doing with money-- wasting it. They were practicing elitism. Wayne and I were always confused about authority (and rightfully so, because there is no REAL authority in protestantism... if you don't like your church, you can always start a new one, right?) and unsure of what to do. We were frustrated about how little we saw acts of true charity and acts of true love going on in the Body.
Right then, I re-discovered (totally by accident) what some of my family members had been doing for the last fifty years---and what other Catholic organizations were doing. Specifically the Little Sisters of Jesus and the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal.

And all of a sudden it was like a light bulb went off in my head.
These guys






looked and acted and sounded more like Jesus than this guy:



These women





looked and acted more like Jesus than this woman:



And it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I want to live an authentic life for Christ, in all the richness of what He has for us here... and I don't have to find a family integrated church or a relational church or an emergent church or a liturgical church or a mega church or a mission or a home church or a ministry to do that--- God had already provide all of these things in a totally authentic form in the structure of the Roman Catholic Church. I had gone as far as I could from home as a pilgrim, and I realized that home was what I had been running from all this time---- where Jesus lives on earth, in the Body Of Christ-- the visible church on earth.

Of course, I had to examine all the teachings of the church one by one to make sure that I was on target and that they lined up with scripture and that I wasn't just following my emotions back to the church. I did, by reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church ( a compendium of it's teachings) and comparing it to scripture. In it's pages I found a theology more vast and intricate than any theology i had ever studied as a protestant--- it really was like meat vs milk to me.
Once I discovered that the Bible really does teach the REAL presence of Christ in the Eucharist (at communion,) I didn't want to ever take communion any where else.
And that's how I got here.
More in love with Jesus today than I've ever been before. And for the first time in my adult life, I dont feel like I'm in a fog about God. I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be, finally able to stop constantly seeking for the right answer.
Home.

I love you, and I hope that explains it better than I did on the phone. Call me soon. I miss talking to you!

Love
Barbie

Mormonism and Catholicism

I'm doing a comparitive charting of mormonism and Catholicism in this blog. And no, for those of you who are probably wondering, I'm NOT doing this for Selah, who is on a personal journey that has been a source of both wonder and amazement in my life, and to whom I wish the very best and trust that God is always working in her, but I AM doing this for myself and for many of my friends who I keep having conversations with who ask me over and over again the same two questions:
"If you really believe that Catholicism is biblical, then why don't you believe that Mormonism biblical?" and "Since they are so similar, maybe they are both basically the same thing?"

I realize, of course, that writing this blog sets up two systems of believe to diametrically oppose each other, so my purpose, just to be clear, is not to denigrate mormons but to clarify the main doctrinal differences.

First, I would like to establish the need for the question: "What is the true church?" Of course, you have all heard the scriptures about unity, and I dont need to reiterate them here. Protestants are not "looking" for the true church because they know that the church is everyone who believes that Jesus Christ is Lord. The reason that a protestant person might have to "look" for a "true church" established by Jesus Christ is to say this: If before the Bible existed as a unified document, there were believers, then where were they getting their information from? The question of the "True" Church brings us back to authority.

AUTHORITY
In protestantism, if one does not "agree" with the authority over them, they are free to leave and begin a new group or association with whatever doctrinal beliefs and practices they choose, set up a new system of "authority," and go on their merry way. But for 1500 years after Jesus Christ walked the earth, that's not what happened. Christians who wanted to "go a new direction with God" were tried and tested by the authorities over them and either shut down as heretics who would ultimately lead souls to damnation, OR eventually set free to explore this new avenue of spirituality WITHIN the structure of authority already placed above them.
I think, for example, of St Francis, whom God called to reform the church. He came before the pope the first time and was rejected in his request to create his group of friars. Heartbroken, he left wondering what to do. He again turned to God. God told him to persist, and he succeeded, the second time around, in maintaining his "stature" as a member of the only Christian church on earth ALL THE WHILE Living out his faith in a new way.. .and THAT is true submission to authority. It's a key concept that very few "branches" of Christianity/ Christ based faith groups get. I would venture to say that only Catholics, Mormons, and possibly Jehova's Witnesses get that. And because of the latter two, it makes protestants VERY uncomfortable. In Christian bookstores, as I mentioned, you will find books about Catholics in the section on "Cults." But the problem is, if you understand the concept of biblical authority, it would be VERY hard to NOT wonder "Where is the true church?"

COMPARISON OF BELEIFS

The most important things which differ between mormonism and catholicism are not the rites/rituals/sacraments/avenues of grace, but the fundamental doctrine. I should add here that I'm not an expert, so I will probably be corrected.

While the LDS Church teaches that the "godhead" is not a "trinity," for instance, the Catholic understanding of God is entirely based on the doctrine of the trinity.
The LDS church teaches the pre-existence, the Catholic church does not.
the LDS Church teaches that "original sin" in the Catholic understanding of it does not exist--- sort of. Original sin stained us by CAUSING us to eventually sin, but not by making us BORN SINNERS. (this is my understanding of the doctrinal teaching on the matter) Catholicism teaches that our grievous sins and offenses to the Lord begin at birth because of our fallen nature.
The baptism of a believer in Catholicism is a sacrament that washes away our original sin. We maintain purity from sin through absolution, in the sacrament of confession and through true repentance and contrition. the Baptism of a latter day saint ensures that their "after death" experience will be one of mercy... entrance into one of three kingdoms depending on their works.
Baptism, thus, occurs for the dead who are unbaptized in the LDS Church as well.
After death, baptized latter day saints will go to one of three kingdoms and experience varying "Degrees" of heaven and closeness with God the Father.
After death, Baptized Catholics will undergo whatever purification they did not undergo while on earth necessary to place them in the presence of God.
While in life, Mormons work hard to please God by living a "good" life, honoring God, and honoring the sacraments which they receive and the covenants which they make in the temple.
While in life, Catholics work hard to please God by living a "good" life, honoring God, and honoring the sacraments which they receive which are avenues of God's grace in their life.
There are many other differences, but these are the main ones.

SIMILARITIES IN RITES
I once read a post from a BYU document comparing catholic ordinances to mormon ones. Though the link is now broken, much of the information is still fresh in my mind. Because i'm short of time this morning, I will cover only ONE of the ordinances in this blog--- the initiation.

I'm going to quote from this blog, actually, which will make it even easier to explain:

At the rite of initiation, this prayer is said as the priest makes the sign of the cross on the different areas of the person's body:

THE SIGNING OF THE SENSES
The presider addresses the candidates saying…….

“I mark your forehead with the sign of the cross [all signs of the cross being done with the palm and not the thumb]. It is the sign of Christians. Let it remind you always of Christ and how much he loves you.”

At each of these prayers, the sponsors make the sign of the cross of the areas of the bodies mentioned.

“We stand with you, we pray for you, O holy child of God

I mark your ears with the sign of the cross: hear the words of Christ.

I mark your eyes with the sign of the cross: see the works of Christ.

I mark your lips with the sign of the cross: speak as Christ would speak.

I mark the sign of the cross over your heart: make your heart the home of Christ

I mark your shoulders with the sign of the cross; be strong with the strength of Christ.

I mark your hands with the sign of the cross: touch others with the gentleness of Christ.

I mark your feet with the sign of the cross: walk in the way of Christ”

The presider alone traces the sign of the cross over the whole person of each candidate saying…

“I place you entirely under the sign of Christ’s cross. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit: to live with Jesus now and forever.”

The person was then given a wodden cross, symbolizing their union with Christ at the cross.

The blogger goes on to say how this reminds her of her own experience at the temple:

INITIATORY ORDINANCES
(PRELIMINARY TO THE ENDOWMENT)

After showing his [or her] Temple Recommend to a worker stationed near the entrance inside the building, the patron repairs to the men’s [or women's] dressing area, where he is assigned a private locker (dividers and a door ensure privacy). After disrobing he covers himself with a “Shield”—a white poncho-like linen covering with a hole in the top for his head and open sides (held shut while walking). Covered in the Shield [a person is completely naked underneath the shield], he carries one pair of Temple Garments (one-piece style [basically like a one-piece t-shirt boxer short combination with a zipper up the front]) to the Washing and Anointing area, and waits on a bench until directed by a temple worker to enter one of the Washing and Anointing booths through a veiled partition. The booths are simply small cubicles made up of suspended lined veils.

When called for, the initiate enters the booth and hands his Garments to a worker who places them on a towel rod. As the initiate stands upright in his Shield the temple worker wets his fingers under a small faucet of running water in the booth, and lightly touches each area of the initiate’s body through the open sides of the Shield. [NOTE: While this sounds naughty, in my experience nothing unseemly or inappropriate happened during the ceremony. Also, the temple ceremony has changed this policy this past year, but when I went through the temple in 1997, this is how it was done.]

WASHING

Brother _______, having authority, I wash you preparatory to you receiving your anointings [for and in behalf of _______ (patron and then temple worker read name of deceased), who is dead], that you may become clean from the blood and sins of this generation. I wash your head, that your brain and your intellect may be clear and active; your ears, that you may hear the word of the Lord; your eyes, that you may see clearly and discern between truth and error; your nose, that you may smell; your lips, that you may never speak guile; your neck, that it may bear up your head properly; your shoulders, that they may bear the burdens that shall be placed thereon; your back, that there may be marrow in the bones and in the spine; your breast, that it may be the receptacle of pure and virtuous principles; your vitals and bowels, that they may be healthy and strong and perform their proper functions; your arms and hands, that they may be strong and wield the sword of justice in defense of truth and virtue; your loins, that you may be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth, that you might have joy and rejoicing in your posterity; your legs and feet, that you might run and not be weary, and walk and not faint.

(Females undergo a similar ritual, attended to by females, which includes the following, “Sister _______, having authority, I wash you preparatory to your receiving your anointings [for and in behalf of _______, who is dead], and whereas you have obeyed the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with a true and honest heart, and have been faithful in keeping your covenants, your sins are forgiven and you are clean every whit. I wash your head that your brain and your intellect may be clear and active in discerning between truth and error, and that you may be filled with the spirit of the Lord…” etc.)

After the cleansing with water, a similar prayer is said, but with the annointing of oil, and then the temple patron is presented with the garments and their “new name”. (I remember getting terribly excited because I was “clean every whit” - I had essentially gone through an ordinance that cleared all of my sins, just like baptism!) The church doesn’t speak of these things outside of the Temple walls, so the whole thing was a surprise to me.
(by the way, also from her blog, the reason why she felt it was ok for her vow to NOT reveal the ordinance could be broken is from the Catholic Catechism: "Can. 1194 A vow ceases by lapse of the time specified for the fulfillment of the obligation, or by a substantial change in the matter promised, or by cessation of a condition upon which the vow depended or of the purpose of the vow, or by dispensation, or by commutation.")


As we can see, there are many, many similarities between the two churches "living out" of their faith, even if the foundational doctrines are dissimilar.

Now, the hard part. I wrote yesterday of a tract approved by the Holy See which informed Catholics in their dealings with mormons. It explained the theological differences, and then recommended that Catholics persist in interfaith dialogue and asked that Catholics remember to always demonstrate kindness, gentleness, hospitality, etc to mormons, from whom they could also learn much about kindness, generosity, etc etc. This warmed my heart.

I will cover now mormon teachings on the Roman Catholic Church.

MORMON VIEW OF CATHOLICISM

I'll start with a few choice quotes I found:

The mormon scripture Doctrine and Covenants essentially condemns all other churches, particularly the "great and abominable church."

D&C 1:30-31
"And also those to whom these commandments were given, might have power to lay the foundation of this church, and to bring it forth out of obscurity and out of darkness, the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I, the Lord, am well pleased, speaking unto the church collectively and not individually— For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;"

D&C 38:10-11:
"Verily I say unto you, ye are clean, but not all; and there is none else with whom I am well pleased; For all flesh is corrupted before me; and the powers of darkness prevail upon the earth, among the children of men, in the presence of all the hosts of heaven—"

D&C 29:21:
"And the great and abominable church, which is the whore of all the earth, shall be cast down by devouring fire, according as it is spoken by the mouth of Ezekiel the prophet, who spoke of these things, which have not come to pass but surely must, as I live, for abominations shall not reign."

D&C 88:94:
"And another angel shall sound his trump, saying: That great church, the mother of abominations, that made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, that persecuteth the saints of God, that shed their blood—she who sitteth upon many waters, and upon the islands of the sea—behold, she is the tares of the earth; she is bound in bundles; her bands are made strong, no man can loose them; therefore, she is ready to be burned. And he shall sound his trump both long and loud, and all nations shall hear it."

Now, one would not conclude from this that the reference is to the RCC, until we see some of the quotes from Mormon theologians and prophets with regarsd to the RCC.

"The present Christian world exists and continues by division. The MYSTERY of Babylon the great, is mother of harlots and abominations of the earth, and it needs no prophetic vision, to unravel such mysteries. The old church is the mother, and the protestants are the lewd daughters. Alas! alas! what doctrine, what principle, or what scheme, in all, what prayers, what devotion, or what faith, `since the fathers have fallen asleep,' has opened the heavens; has brought men into the presence of God; and to the spirits of just men made perfect, and to an innumerable company of angels? The answer is, not any: `There is none in all christendom that doeth good; no, not one.'
- Apostle John Taylor, Times and Seasons, Vol.6, No.1, p.811

"Babylon, literally understood, is the gay world; spiritual wickedness, the golden city, and the glory of the world, The priests of Egypt, who received a portion gratis from Pharaoh; the priests of Baal, and the Pharisees, and Sadducees, with their "long robes," among the Jews, are equally included in their mother's family, with the Roman Catholics, Protestants, and all that have not had the keys of the kingdom and power thereof, according to the ordinances of God."
- Prophet John Taylor, Times and Seasons, Vol.6, No.1, p.939

"Both Catholics and Protestants are nothing less than the "whore of Babylon" whom the Lord denounces... as having corrupted all the earth by their fornications and wickedness. And any person who shall be so wicked as to receive a holy ordinance of the gospel from the ministers of any of these apostate churches will be sent down to hell with them, unless they repent of the unholy and impious act. If any penitent believer desires to obtain forgiveness of sins through baptism, let him beware of having any thing to do with the churches of apostate Christendom, lest he perish in the awful plagues and judgments, denounced against them. The only persons among all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people who have authority from Jesus Christ to administer any gospel ordinance are those called and authorized among the Latter-day Saints. Before the restoration of the church of Christ to the earth in the year 1830, there have been no people on the earth for many generations possessing authority from God to minister gospel ordinances. We again repeat. Beware of the hypocritical false teachers and imposters of Babylon!
- Apostle Orson Pratt The Seer, Vol.2, No.4, p.255

"A great portion of the oriental country has been preserved from the grossest idolatry, wickedness, confusion, bloodshed, murders, cruelty, and errors in religion that have overspread the rest of the world, under the name of Christianity, or mystery of iniquity. An open defiance of God is no mystery; open drunkenness, and revelling debauchery, and all manner of wickedness and immorality professed by sinners who profess to be nothing else, are no mystery; they do not deceive anybody; but when all manner of wickedness, idolatry, drunkenness, and corruption is cloaked under a sacred name, under an outward sanctity and holiness, and under as high and dignified an appellation as Christian, it is a mystery of iniquity; and that has overspread a great portion of the world, and has borne rule until the present day, sometimes under the name of Roman universality, sometimes under the name of the Greek Church, and at other times under various classes and names."

"Many that were honest have been deceived by this mystery of iniquity, who have esteemed things to be sacred, which were abominably corrupt; and corrupt superstitions have been revered because of the great names and sanctified professions that were attached to them. If such institutions actually professed wickedness, they would go for what they were worth; but when a thing professes to be holy, and takes the name of Christ as its founder, and the holy Prophets and Apostles, to carry out all manner of oppression, all manner of idolatry and idol worship, all manner of priestcraft and kingcraft, and more or less instigating division among nations and governments, all to carry out bloodshed, cruelty, the rack, the inquisition, and holding of men in bondage, ruling them with a red of iron, it is a mystery of iniquity calculated to deceive millions."

"But returning to the general corruption that has prevailed nationally, politically, and religiously, under the name of Christianity, leaving out Christ and his Apostles, I do think there has been no idolatry in the world, under any form or system, that could surpass it. It is the mystery of iniquity, the great whore of all the earth. It has brought the whole earth under a lasting curse, having departed from the laws of God, changed the ordinances, and broken the everlasting covenant, in consequence of which the earth is destined to be burned, and few men left."
- Apostle Parley P. Pratt, Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p.41

"How long has this order of things existed, this dreadful apostacy, this class of people that pronounced themselves Zion, or Christians, without any of the characteristics of Zion? It has existed for some sixteen or seventeen centuries. It has spread itself and grown and gone into the four quarters of the earth. It is the great ecclesiastical power that is spoken of by the revelator John, and called by him the most corrupt and most wicked of all the powers of the earth, under the name of spiritual Babylon, or in other words Babel, which signifies confusion. This great and corrupt power is also represented by John as presenting a golden cup to the nations, full of all manner of filthiness and abominations."

"She is termed, in other places, by the same prophet, "The whore of all the earth," making the nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication. Some three centuries ago there came out sortie excellent men, named Martin Lather, John Calvin and many others that might be mentioned, who protested against the wickedness and abominations of the Church wherein they had been educated, and of which they had been members. Because of their protestations against the mother Church they were called Protestants. They pronounced her the whore of all the earth; they declared that she had no authority, that she had none of the blessings and gifts which characterized the ancient Christians. They came out and established other Churches... But among all these Churches where are the characteristics of Zion? We hunt for them in vain."
- Apostle Orson Pratt, Journal of Discourses Vol. 14, p.346

"Thrones shall be cast down, and the Ancient of Days shall sit, and the body of the fourth beast (or Babylon) shall be given to the devouring flame, and then shall the remnant of the heathen know that the Lord is God, for they shall see and hear of his judgments, which he shall execute upon the corrupt powers of the earth under the name of modern Christianity, scripturally called "Babylon the Great"—"The whore of all the earth," with whom the nations for centuries have committed fornication, and have drank out of her filthy cup. O Babylon! thou hast decked thyself with costly ornaments! Thou has clothed thyself with the most gaudy apparel! Thy seminaries of learning, and thy theological institutions have been multiplied far and wide. Thy priests are polished with all the refinements of a profound and extensive education. Thy costly and magnificent churches have been erected in great numbers throughout all thy borders. The merchants of the earth have made themselves rich through the abundance of thy luxuries. The learned—the great—the mighty—the kings of the earth, have glorified themselves in thy grand and superb palaces. Thou hast indeed enrobed thyself in the royal splendors of a queen. Thine external appearance has excited the admiration of all nations. But internally thou art rotten with the filth of thy whoredoms."
- Apostle Orson Pratt, The Essential Orson Pratt, p.109

"The Roman Catholic, Greek, and Protestant church is the great corrupt ecclesiastic power, represented by great Babylon which has made all nations drunk with her wickedness, and she must fall, after she has been warned with the sound of the everlasting gospel. Her overthrow will be by a series of the most terrible judgments which will quickly succeed each other, and sweep over the nations where she has her dominion, and at last she will be utterly burned by fire, for thus hath the Lord spoken. Great, and fearful, and most terrible judgments are decreed upon these corrupt powers, the nations of modern Christendom; for strong is the Lord God who shall execute His fierce wrath upon them, and He will not cease until He has made a full end, and until their names be blotted out from under heaven."
- Apostle Orson Pratt, Divine Authenticity of the Book of Mormon, p.84 - p.85


(I've got more if that isn't clear enough)

The only "official" Catholic document that refers to Mormonism in particular is a document drawn up to explain a change in strategies with regards to baptism for Catholics. While Most "professing Christians" may enter the Catholic church without rebaptizing, Ex Mormons are now asked to be rebaptized into the faith. The reason?"

The Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith decided the Mormon view on the nature of God was too different from its own, according to Tuesday's editions of L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's daily newspaper.

The doctrine agency said the church could not accept Mormon belief that "God the father had a wife, the Celestial Mother, with whom he procreated Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit." The body therefore decided that Mormon baptism "is not the baptism that Christ instituted."

Two major U.S. Protestant denominations, the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and United Methodist Church, have taken similar stands on Mormon theology in recent years.

Catholicism and most other Christian denominations believe God is a divine entity consisting of three persons - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit - of one spiritual substance.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate entities, and that God and Jesus have bodies of flesh and bone while the Holy Ghost is spirit only. Church founder Joseph Smith taught that "God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man..."

(ASP, July 19 2001)

I am still looking for catholic commentary about Mormonism that is as "harsh" as mormon commentary on Catholicism. Not that that proves anything, but just because it's interesting.

Anyways, that's all I've got time for today.... but it's something to chew on! I sincerely hope I have offended no one, but helped those who are on a quest for truth to examine certain aspects of two entities who claim to have "all authority."

Just plain Christian: the good and the bad.

My “protestant” experience began at Santa Barbara’s First Baptist, a tiny little black church near my high school I went to once in a while with the girls in the BSU. I learned there to appreciate lively praise and worship.
Years later, while sitting in a pew in a Calvary Chapel on Christmas Eve, I had a heartstopping encounter with the Risen Jesus Christ and was changed forever. I took from Calvary Chapel and its’ daughter churches Reality (which I helped plant from the ground up) Churches an understanding of God’s love reaching beyond the boundaries of formality and “distance” and really gripping us in a personal way. I learned that one could be zealous for the things of God and not be wrong— that a hunger for holiness is a good thing. I also learned that being a Christian meant that I had to let go of sin. Really let go of it…. .ideally. But that sometimes I could hide it and nobody would know it was there. Later on that first year, I learned that when I DID hide it, GOD was still aware of it, even if no one else was. I learned true contrition.
The negative things I learned in those first few years was that suddenly I was in the BUSINESS of saving souls and that everyone else’s soul suddenly became my business. I also learned that politics existed within the Body of Christ.
The next place I was a member was a nondenominational chapel at Ft Jackson led by a Chaplain. I learned there that PEOPLE can use God’s Word to say whatever they want to say sometimes. I also learned that sometimes God isn’t about feeding you but about using you to feed others. And that sometimes, God just IS silent… and its not because you’re doing something wrong.
After that, I went to a Pentacostal church. Some good things I gleaned from there were enthusiastic, vibrant worship— putting some “feeling” into my relationship wiht God, waiting in joyful expectation for God to do “something” big, and learning how to put my faith into action and not just keeping it in my head and heart. I also learned that the Word of God comes alive in you as a believer, and you don’t have to be in an “outstanding” church to have that happen…. your church can be full of of denominational , doctrinal BS and you can still come out growing and learning. On the negative side, I learned that people are finicky, Christians don’t always act like Christians, and that ALL people, when on a “Jesus High” have a tendency towards pride and self righteousness which can get ugly if unchecked.
Lastly, I was a member at Manna Church, where I learned that there can be an order to extravagant worship, that ministry isn’t about the PASTOR but about the PEOPLE, that we are all called to BE Jesus to people. I learned that I had a vocation as a wife and mother, that God cared about me doing that well. I learned the REAL power of intercessory prayer, and I discovered what Grace really was and what it wasn’t. Most importantly, I was able to grasp what spiritual warfare really looked like and how to win the battles. It was at manna that I best learned the “how to walk by faith and not by sight” lesson.
On the downside, I learned that elitism exists within the Christian community sometimes more so than anywhere else. I learned that people want to be pleased even in their worship. I learned that church can be a business but it doesn’t have to be a multi billion dolllar corporation. I learned that the words “executive” and “humble” don’t mesh. I learned that money ALWAYS corrupts unless the persons handling it truly have the purest of motives. I learned that real Christian service means having to get your hands dirty. Most importantly, I learned there that no one I had yet encountered really knew anything about true authority…. if they didn’t LIKE the authority they were under, they could always go and start a new church.

Overall, the most important lesson I learned from my experience in the protestant churches was this: Jesus is about the heart. That lesson is priceless— whether you are an outwardly pew jumping pentycostal or a sedate pew warming episcopalian, Jesus is after your HEART. :)

SO much to write about, so little time.
Wayne and I watched a Marcus Grodie (He's a former pentacostal pastor turned Catholic evangelist) video on the differences in protestant and catholic worship yesterday and learned soooo much!
I'm going to type up another blog about it in the near future because I need to watch it again and take notes first... its too much to relay from memory. I want to buy this DVD and send it to everyone I know!

Yesterday, Wayne took Annika for the morning and I went to morning mass with Ishod. It has been in the triple digits all week and very humid, and even with the air conditioner on we were sweltering hot.
My sister in law came to daily mass for the first time. Its hard for her to appreciate alot of it because she is so pregnant, but this pregnancy has caused her to grow in her faith so much! She humbles me every day with new insight and its' beautiful to watch God working in her and her spiritual wheels turning! I am thankful for her and glad we decided to remain in the area for a while longer to stay close to her in case Sean goes to the field and she needs something or whatever.

Afterwards, she and I went to brunch at another woman from church's house. She's awesome, has four kids, is pregs with their fifth, and is a homeschooling, food from scratch makin' momma. I was worried I wouldn't meet alot of these women in the Catholic environment but I can't tell you how cool it was to enter her house and see posters on the walls to teach the kids all sorts of things, a rack by the front of the living room where each kid's rosary was hanging, art books about Jesus and the Blessed Mother, and just a general, crunchy homeschooly-type environment with a Catholic twist. It was AWESOME for me to see that.
After brunch, Jess and I drove all over town checking out farmers markets and stuff, and then she dropped me off just in time to take a shower before Andrea came to pick me up to take me to Raleigh. We were heading to a women's discernment group in the dioscese vocations office.The group initially began meeting as a group of women who were intending to discern their vocations to married vs religious life. But in the end, they discovered God's will for the group was instead to form the "Society of St Therese," and to devote themselves to prayer for the seminarians and to prayer for vocations! Hehe... God is funny like that. Anyways, it seemed only appropriate, since I'm discerning a vocation to the Third Order Carmelites anyways, that I would attend this group meeting-- and I"m SOOOO glad I did!
Andrea and I drove down early so we could go to In His Name, the Raleigh Catholic bookstore, which was SOOO cool! I'd never been to a Catholic bookstore before. It was very interesting and I think telling of the vast differences in the Catholic and protestant theoloies.

Every Christian bookstore I've been to had a layout that looked kinda like this:
Bibles. Bible studies. Prayer and Devotional books. Church History. Cults. Leadership.
And then the majority of shelves devoted to "Christian inspiration" in various categories like "women's issues," "parenting" "youth" "mens' issues" "marriage" etc.

This Catholic bookstore had one TINY section dedicated to marriage, celibacy, parenting, NFP etc. A large children's education section. A large youth education section. A huge bible selection. A huge prayerbooks selection. A huge selection of books on church history. A huge selection of books on the lives of the saints. Missals, books on worship. And then, of course, a wonderful selection of sacramentals (everything from statues, rosaries, art, crucifixes, and chapel veils and scapulars.) I discerned none of the "fluff" that I'm used to seeing in Christian bookstores--- no "Christian self help" section. It was so encouraging to me!

Thats when I saw it-- a stand in the corner with tracts! I sighed, wondering what I was going to come into contact with that would "bristle" my feathers. My heart sank when I saw one called "What do Catholics need to know about Mormons?" I pulled it out, ready to be assaulted with the usual "Mormons are an evil cult you should stay away from" critique (I should explain that while I dont disagree that mormonism is false worship, I don't think the way to bring that to people is through these highly charged nasty little tracts, but rather through a demonstration of TRUE worship and actions that represent Christ's love)
Anyways, I stood there for a full ten minutes, reading this little tract. It started out by explaining in a textbook "world religions" kind of a way what Mormons believe. (mormonism 101, and I was surprised to find it was taken DIRECTLY from the LDS.org website.) The last page said: what should Catholics conclude about mormons?
Tears welled up in my eyes as it described that Catholics had much to learn from the mormon example of service and generosity towards others. "Catholics should be aware that mormon doctrine is not in line with the Church's teachings and should therefore be examined in light of the Church's teachings in both tradition and scripture. Much progress has been made lately in interfaith dialogue. However, as Catholics we must look to mormons as men and women who can also benefit greatly from our service, kindness, and compassion."
I was crying like a little baby... what a refreshing change from the ornery little "mormons are evil and dangerous" tracts I was used to seeing... I immediately called my friend Selah to share what a touching moment I had just experienced, confident that she would understand my joy.

Anyways, afterwards we went to Panera's for dinner and pulled into the Cathedral parking lot at about 6:50. We met up there with Father Ned, the vocations pastor, who surprised us by informing us that the holy hour would be in the cathedral-- yay!
For those who don't know, Holy hour is:



The priest removes the host from the tabernacle, places it in a monstrance:



and then places it on the altar for all to adore and worship. There is a small prayer service that is chanted before and after (if you're lucky, in latin) and then the entire hour is spent on your knees in silent prayer and adoration. Some people just sit (one man there said "I look at Him, He looks at me.") Some people pray rosaries, read the bible or prayerbooks, etc. Others just pour out their hearts. Still others meditate and wait.

I have never stayed on my knees for over an hour before. It was excruciatingly painful by the end of the hour, and I was in a pew so at least I could rest my arms on something. Fr Ned simply kneeled by himself off to the side of the altar with nothing to hold on to, and he is at least twice as old as me.
It dawned on me that this was a sacrifice of praise. It dawned on me that I had never sacrificed anything like this before--- Iv'e maintained raised arms for ten minutes before, but never for a whole hour in worship (I did in basic training, but I didn't have very holy thoughts about it then :P) as you'll see in the picture above, where a group of homeschoolers are having a holy hour, it IS possible to do , even with children!
It also dawned on me that this was pure joy-- to sit quietly in the presence of my Lord and be still and wait for Him to speak to me. Everything about the experience was so beautiful--- the space, the incense , the candles, the statues, the beautiful building, the crucifix showing me what Jesus did for me, at the foot of which was an altar with a monstrance showing me what Jesus does for me still daily!
I was so moved I just started bawling!! Fortunately, I wasn't alone. I wish I could bring everyone in the world with me to a Holy Hour. And I'm so excited that I have another one on Sunday with the Carmelites!
Because it was a women's vocations holy hour, it was all young women, my age-- which made the chant that much more beautiful (fortunately, Fr Ned is an excellent singer also!) and powerful... and very appropriate for some of those women discerning their vocations, I imagine.


Directly afterwards , we walked down the block to the vocations office where we had snacks and prayed the liturgy of the hours, followed by a discussion on the subject at hand-- hope and joy. I should take a moment to describe the scene of a group of beautiful, modest young women following a priest walking out of church. It turned more than a few heads , I noticed, and rightfully so since we don't always see such a pious image in todays' society. we walked out into the stifling summer heat and I realized for the first time how BEAUTIFUL Raleigh is! I've always thought it was just this blah north cakolaki city, but in that moment I realized how.... well, how civilized it was (for lack of a better word) and how nice it felt. Immediately, all my apprehension about possibly having to take a job in Raleigh evaporated.


Anyways, the discussion was amazing. At one point, Father began to describe how his understanding of joy came from realizing how often he just "did his duty" as a priest but didn't do it OUT of joy and didn't derive joy from it, only a sense of duty. (sound familiar? That IS me in my own daily routine) He had to ask himself where his joy came from, which is what I had to do last week when I was panicking about marrying Wayne--- where does my joy come from?
MY joy is in the name of the Lord--- immanuel, which means God is with us. My joy comes from the incarnation. So imagine my surprise when Father began speaking on his own realization of that-- -I wanted to jump up and shout to heaven: "OK, I GET IT! I am LISTTEEENNNNNNINGGGG!" :)

What a glorious God we serve!

Morning thoughts on friendship

As the day begins I like to examine what's going on in my life. My two most quiet moments are at five when I get up to pray and at 7 when I put the kids down to sleep. Both are amazing--- my head is suddenly cleared of "stuff" and I experience absolutely blissful peace for a few blessed moments.

Because of my exploration of the Carmelite order, I've begun a heavy study of Carmelite books and topics. Yesterday came a few books I found online for around 99 cents, written by Carmelites about prayer and meditation. I began St Teresa of Avila's autobiography last night--- I'm only about 1/4 of the way into it and it's absolutely breathtaking. Tonight I will probably start over from the beginning because there is so much to chew on. My mother reminded me last night that there are several Carmelite aunts in the family. I'm looking forward to coming back into contact with them.

Wayne and I prayed a rosary together last night. Our prayer life together has deepened immensely. Praying the rosary with him turns us back into little children. It's different from our prayer lives as protestants, when he would lead and I would quietly listen and wait for a moment to participate. Now we both get on our knees side by side. We both come to the cross like little children, looking up to our Jesus in wonder and amazement. He is finding new ways of expressing his faith that were previously shut off to him. As I often mention, he is known for doing things like taking a vow not to cut his beard for a year, or going barefoot for the day, etc. Before, this made him eccentric and wierd. Now, it makes him following in the footsteps of holy men that have gone before him. He had never heard of St Francis before, and yet something of Franciscan spirituality lives in him. I have always seen it.
We sometimes pray the psalms together, or just sit in silence. It's been so good to come as equals before the cross... and not to be forced to play "grown up." It's what I was longing for when I wanted to leave the nondenominational scene--- the chance to just sit in wonder instead of to have all the answers. To sit quietly in a pew and not know every intimate detail of the people's lives sitting next to me. To connect on a personal level with God, corporately. Not that we couldn't do that there, but we felt stifled. We are experiencing freedom.


Something wierd is happening. My dear friend who left the LDS church after much coaxing and prayer on my part is now contemplating returning to such a worship setting. It's been on my mind constantly. I feel guilty for putting her through so much stuff. At the same time, I find connecting with her spiritually both exhilerating and encouraging-- she's my favorite person in the whole world.
She left the LDS church because , in the end, she believed it wasn't biblical. She started attending an emergent / modern church with charismatic overtones. She began to grow and be stretched but things were always hard for her--- and why? I used the example, when talking her through those moments, of the Catholic faith.
I told her how much I longed to worship in a Catholic setting, but how I simply could not because of the "unbiblical" factor. I sympathized. I agreed. I cried with her. I prayed for her. I knew only too well what she was going through.
She was the hardest person to tell that I was returning to the Catholic Church. Of course, I wasn't returning out of "desire." Had I been (and my husband been) one hundred percent certain that Catholicism was unbiblical, we would never have returned. But because we felt it was MORE biblical (looked more like a new testament church) than any other church on earth, we had to say "yes." We couldn't ignore what God was doing in us.
I am sure I was the hardest person for her to tell about her desire to return to the Mormon Church. And I can understand why.

I get those cravings for familiarity, structure, tradition. I understand the desire for a "unified" church in the sense we are used to. Both the Latter Day Saint Church and the Catholic Church are the two best organized structures in the entire world. They are fully functioning powerhouses of faith and social justice, authoritarian yet organic, unified, yet diverse. They have and use their assets to bring peace and justice to the world and glory to the Lord God in heaven. Their members are trained and encouraged to be instruments of charity to their communities. Their leaders are humble, focused on the important things, servants.
When I left the Catholic Church, I remember wishing that the Latter Day Saint church would be "true" so that I could go from one to the other seamlessly. While I loved the charismatic nature of nondenominational churches, I was often frustrated with the vagueness of foundational concepts like service, discipline, etc. It always felt very... every man for himself. I struggled to "hear God's voice" all the time for the little things. Like how I should pray, when I should pray, what I should pray. Like what modesty looked like, what a wife looked like, what a mother looked like. I struggled to hear how God would have me serve people, what he was calling me to do in my daily life. How I could be holy. Following Jesus isn't simple. We need practical suggestions to show us how to do it. But instead of getting "holy" suggestions, I felt I was always being fed "worldly" suggestions in the guise of holy suggestions. Holiness is fasting barefoot. Practical is a sermon called "Seven ways to get promoted." Holiness is giving your last potato and onion to make a casserole for someone in need. Practical is "Maximizing your potential." Holiness is kneeling. Practical is a sermon on "How to use your faith: a winner's perspective."

Anyways, I was hungry, and forever being spoon fed "simple" answers that led ultimately to pride in my personal life--- I knew the answer to everything. But somehow it missed my heart, even though I thought my heart was most affected!

Her return to the LDS Church, should it happen, is really interesting. She owns that it's a "her" thing and not a God thing. While she was certain God was leading her OUT of the church, she believes she is leading herself back there. I can understand so much of what she is going through, her disillusionment with the "truth" of nondenominational Christianity, and her frustration at just wanting to live a simple life, and love Jesus, and be a servant, and be holy.She doesn't want to be put in a situation to judge other people. She just wants to love them. She wants to be the best wife and mom she can be, but she feels stifled under the weigfht of the extrabiblical "picture" of a wife and mom she has been fed for these last few years.
I know her heart-- I know these are the things she seeks after.
Trouble is, she needs to be in an environment where she can thrive. And her current place is not that. Nor would be another protestant church--- she would face the same problems. Like me, she has been forever changed by the face of unity under one banner, and it is a beautiful picture.

This leaves me in a problematic situation. I still feel very strongly that the LDS church is full of heretical doctrine. I believe the same things about the "false" aspect of the LDS church that i did two, ten , and fifteen years ago. I dont think the PEOPLE of the Latter Day Saint church are evil, or wrong, in any way. I think they are victims of false doctrine. I do fear for the salvation of their souls. Over the course of my time with her, I've really branched out and reached out to many latter day saints in my community and in my family. I've reallytried to connect with them and understand so as to evaluate with a more "pure" demeanor what they are going through as members. And though I still feel they are victims of Satan's plan to divide and conquer, I have to say that I LOVE most mormons I know.
I say I fear for their salvation, but that doesn't mean that I think they don't genuinely love Jesus--- which is a perplexing quandry for a protestant, who will wring her hands and pray for SALVATION. As a Catholic, I can look at them and simply pray for mercy. I dont have to evangelize them. I dont even have to tell them "how" to be saved. I can simply BE Jesus to them, just like I can to everyone else.

My church is fundamentally at odds with the LDS Church, because both claim to be "THE" Church. They cannot both be correct. My church accepts the baptisms of it's members in all Christian faith traditions but Mormon. Mormons are asked to be re-baptized, mostly because of the difference in doctrine revolving around "original sin" and the purpose of baptism. Thus, I will find myself, next year, once again theologically at odds with a girl who my heart and head connect with more than virtually any person I've come into contact with.

This thought weighed heavily on me last night. When she was a Mormon and I was a Christian, we still managed to meet somewhere and grow. We managed to fellowship on a profound level. I never expect that to change. It made people very uncomfortable, for "What fellowship has light with darkness?"
On the other hand, even AS a mormon, she demonstrated a deep relationship with the Jesus Christ of the Bible that few people I've encountered ever have had. She showed me true repentance, true contrition, true sorrow for her sins, a true desire for godliness and a true love of her Savior. I learned about the Love of God through her... and most of my friends thought she certainly was not "saved."

I thought about how, as a Catholic, I view the LDS Church now. It's like going to the coffee shop the other day for my monthly French Club meeting, where French people from all walks of life in the area gather. A French Canadian woman showed up. Certainly, we could communicate, well and better than the southerners sitting next to us. I thought about the people listening who might want to learn French.
I imagined some of them would go to Canada, because it's closer phsyically and culturally to what they are used to. Certainly, they could learn the language, learn the culture, and be a part of the French community. But it would never be the same as springing for a trip TO France. Nothing could beat learning the language and culture from the original source of the language and the original source of the culture. If I had to choose between the two, I would choose going to France, because I would be certain that everything I learned would be correct, authentic, and REALLY French.
Even French Canadians, who obviously LOVE their own culture and are proud of their homes and lifestyles.... still have a deep reverence for and a desire to draw closer to their own heritage... to their own FRENCHNESS.
In some ways, they have altered the language to suit their needs. They have set themselves at odds against real frenchness by doing so. And in doing so, they have become proud-- that their Frenchness is JUST as authentic and "real" as French frenchness. Except that it isnt.... there is only one real, true, and authentic Frenchness.

That is exactly how I see the LDS Church in light of my Catholicity now. I can understand the culture, the "language," the attraction. I can appreciate so much of it and really enjoy the fellowship. But I am SO glad to be Catholic, because I am so glad to have the stamp of "true" authority and "true" tradition according to the history of the Church and ultimately, to the gospel. I love being a part of the "original" deal, the unchanging truth, yet ever growing in my understanding of it. It's a source of great joy for me. I don't think I could be satisfied with something that evolved from it. I love to know that when I worship, I am doing what people have done since Jesus Christ Himself.

I look forward to learning more and more about this great God we all serve. I am looking forward to being a part of this girl's life as she grows in Him, as well as in my husband's life, my children's life, and my friends' and family's life. I am finally able to learn from people of all walks of life, in all places. I can see the face of Christ as much in my sister in law, who I always thought I couldn't learn anything from, as I can in my priest, as I can in my neighbor. I can see the face of Christ in the muslim family down the street, in the pagans who live around the corner, in the Evangelical woman who works on her garden every day, in the He is everywhere, teaching me.