thoughts on suffering

Today is the feast of Corpus Christi, when we celebrate the Word made flesh among us, living even today as our "Living Bread."
I am so thankful for the Eucharist, wanting always to commune each day with Christ in this special way. I thought alot about this yesterday, when I was spending a few minutes in prayer before the tabernacle being grateful for my vocation as mom and wife, and trying to be open to receiving the grace I need each day to do the best I can at the Holy Work he's given me to do.
(more on that later)

I thought it was ironic that I was sitting there, praying to Jesus, adoring Jesus, and that I am always telling people in religion forums to "Take God out of the box they had put Him in." Ironic because here I was, praying to my Jesus living and present in a special way in a box in the front of my church, on special orders from my priest, who had (rightly) discerned during my confession that the source of much of my suffering was that I was forgetting to be grateful.

That "box," however physical, transcends all boxes. To me, it's the culmination of the incarnation, of God making Himself present among us always. It's my hope of heaven, it's the sweet taste of salvation.... it's the glory, honor, power, and mercy of my Lord, all wrapped up in a humble piece of ordinary bread.

He comes to us in a manger, to be savior of the world, fragile as a baby. He is still present to us today in our food which gives us a taste of eternal life, fragile as a piece of bread. We love Him as a baby because we can't believe that He would love us so much that He would put Himself in our hands. We love Him in the bread and wine, source of strength for what lies ahead, because we can't believe that He would feed us.

Yes, don't get me wrong, He lives in our hearts, but He lives AMONG us as well--- in communion we commune not only with Him but with each and every person sharing at the table... because we eat the Bread of Life, we all become one Body. I love this special day where we celebrate that.

And it's very appropriate that I'm meditating on these things today. I had a rough confession yesterday.... absolutely brutal. I've been harboring some things in my life, in my marriage, in my motherhood, in my relationships that I rarely share. Yesterday, I shared them with Jesus---some of them for the first time. My palms were sweaty and my heart was pounding before confession-- it's so hard to look someone, especially someone you've come to consider a friend, in the eye and say these horrible things you have hidden away. Harder still to wonder what is going through his very "human" mind. Thankfully, we both know that he is representing a far less "human" God for me who loves me with a love that knows no bounds.

I''ll be blunt. Abstaining from sex before our marriage has deepened our prayer life. In ways I didn't even think to ask for, but that I'm glad for now. Somehow, over the last few months, I've grown up in the Lord. I don't see things the same way. I don't percieve God's plan as something distant and far off and unreachable, but I can see it clearly.
I'm not hanging on my husband's every word, waiting for him to get the proper vision to propel it anymore. I've learned to take responsibility for my own spirituality, all the while letting him lead. I'm not desperately seeking answers for why God is allowing what He is in my life. I'm not resigned to them. I'm humbled instead.... something I never really understood until now.

In confession yesterday, one of my big problems was the idea of fake it-til-you-make-it-praise. As I pondered my own suffering over the month, I thought about my evangelical attitude towards it--- a light hearted glossing over of what my experience was, a "praise Him anyways," kind of attitude, which- although not wrong persay-- definitely didn't leave room for growth. I was reaching for joy in an external manner, trying to find something to cling to that I could be thankful for, all the while continuing to resent God's plan in my heart. I felt that I was destined to be like Job. I remember countless moments during worship when we'd be singing the powerful song "Blessed be the name of the Lord."
That song had a special meaning to me because I sang it almost constantly when I was suffering through my punishments in basic training. Everytime I had to stand at parade rest for an entire day in a field in the mud, every time I had to wear the same dirty, smelly, sweaty clothes again, every time I had to sleep on the floor with no pillow or blanket, every time I didn't get food, every time I didn't get church, every time they didn't let me see my husband... I would burst into song--- "Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your Name..... You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be your name." When all is well, blessed. When all is dark, blessed.

The problem was, my source of strength in those moments came not from the blessed name of the Lord. It came from me-- from dwelling on the fact that I was going through hell, that I was being strengthened, that God was going to continue being a good God and that eventually, all would be good again for me.

These days, I'm learning the aspect of the Christian walk that did get glossed over in my protestant mindset, the acts of mortification and penance which temper and form our whole selves into the shape of holiness. I'm learning to offer up my suffering to God--- not just to say that, but to literally take each pain I experience and to hold it in my heart and say: "For You, my God, for You!" I'm not so prideful in my "assurance of salvation." I'm aware that at any moment, I could die. Will I be ready to face God in that moment?

Much of that understanding comes from reflecting on the lives of the Saints. There's this great scene in the movie Therese, based on the life of St Therese de Lisieux, where the mean nun who always gives her a hard time frowns at her and says: "what on earth are you always smiling about? Every time I see you you are smiling!"
Therese looks her in the eye and grins: "I'm smiling because... I'm happy to see you!"
Her "little way" is so disconcerting because instead of holding on to our frustration because we have a right, we can offer it up and for the first time in our lives, MEAN IT... "My Jesus, I love you. I'll take this cross for you. Save souls."

This is not new to me in the sense that I long ago learned to let go of my "right to be right."
However, only within the context of Catholicism do I find PURPOSE and MEANING in that suffering. As my priest said yesterday during my teary confession: "It's not a question of pretending that the suffering isn't there, or of skipping over it because you want to be Holy. God acknowledges that suffering in your offering it to Him. You can too."

It makes caring for a frustrating husband and two needy children when you dream of other things some days so simple: "My Jesus, I love you. I'll take this cross for you. Save souls."
When I serve my husband and he doesn't deserve it, I can offer my sacrifice to God for my husband. Acts of mortification and penance are like... prayer power times 200. Not only is your prayer out there, but you are literally living your prayer. There is no distinction in Catholicism between your "spiritual life" and your "physical life." If you are living your Catholicism correctly, you will never hear someone ask you: "How's your spiritual life?"

If I want to see my husband in heaven, I will serve him. I will offer that up to God and plead for God's mercy on him. My actions AND thoughts AND heart are in line with God's will. My whole being, even the flesh, is sanctified. It's like learning to live heaven here on earth. Not by my power, but not WITHOUT my power too. God acknowledges that I'm suffering, and offering. In turn, He pours out grace. Which I must learn to recieve, not take from Him.

Mother Teresa once said: "If you knew everyone's story, you would love everyone." I can't tell you how powerful that is. When I'm tired of serving, I look at the ones who are frustrating me and I put myself in their shoes, reminding myself of their story.
If my husband doesn't know how to love me right all the time, but I can remember that he is the product of a severely disfunctional marriage, has a heritage of over a dozen divorces to overcome, that he was always taught that weakness was sickness, that he has no example of good parenting to draw from, that he has no hope for the future because he was always told he would amount to nothing, that he has wounds in his body and soul from a childhood that should never have been-- THEN can I love him with the eyes of Jesus. Then can I see the face of Christ in him, even in his darkest moments when he is-- by all human accounts--- just wrong.

Padre Pio said that the beginning of all of our problems was to ask the question "Why." I love that too--- it helps to ground my suffering in God's plan, to help me to offer it up, to give me strength to just DO even if I don't feel like it-- it removes the load of pain that comes with the process. If I don't ask "why, God?" I won't be frustrated when I don't get the answers, but I will be humbled when they come. I realize that that is not something people can do right off the bat-- it's our very human instinct to demand a reckoning from God. But what great holiness resides in Padre Pio's weathered face when he, at peace, presided over Holy Mass.... that holiness came from an unearthly source of strength. He was greatly blessed for it, and it cost him dearly... just like all the other saints.

I've found great meaning in my suffering, and I no longer feel that I am searching for a balance between acknowledging it's presence in my life, and pushing it out of the way to make room for light. I finally understand the phrase:
"My yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Mat 11:30)

The Miracle of the Microwave

First, my apologies to those of you to whom I owe emails and comments. I've been really crazy busy these last two weeks, and have barely even seen my own kids!! This is really wierd, since I normally can't get away from them. But it's good too-- it means we have been at work making life happen, and it has been good to work.

I don't actually have time to be blogging even now. There are so many things I want to share with you guys that God is doing and I don't even have the time to sit down and write about it at night, so expect a big, condensed mess of a blog soon!

I did want to write this one right now, though, lest the moment pass and the incredulous looks on our faces pass along with it.

My microwave broke today. If you'll remember, my microwave broke on Easter Sunday too. At the time, we just thought it was old and that was that, and were totally upset, because (obviously) the microwave makes life so much easier... fast cooking and next to no dishes.
I didn't have a microwave, growing up, for more than 20 years. So I LOVE having one now. My parents didn't believe in them, and so I was always taught that to do things well one must do them fully--- to include browning potatoes, making bacon, boiling water or milk, and things like that. SO when our microwave broke on Easter, I was very upset that I would have all the additional work to do, but I was still thankful we had had this microwave for so long!! God had indeed provided and I was sure He would provide again.
Sure enough, barely three days later, my Father in Law showed up on the front door with a brand spanking new beautiful microwave! And we were so blessed. I've been making the kids' milk and my leftovers in it ever since.
So today, returning from church, Wayne and I set to work making various foods (he made hummus and I made lentil soup) and we put the kids down. Surprisingly, just as I was getting ready to heat up my lunch for my "lunch break," the microwave just stops working. Bam. Like the last one.
I was crushed!!! My first reaction was to think about all the hard work I was going to have to do, then I thought about how God could have stopped that from happening and wondered why He didn't.
I went in the room where Wayne was reading and asked him why God allowed that to happen. He told me all sorts of things that sound really good but really, really, bugged me..... buddah on the mountain top, yoda comments, like:
"Well, thats because you haven't been doing all your work with KINDNESS, Like God has been talking to you about. You do the chores, but you don't love them like they are an act of service that bless you, you do them like you hate them and they make you miserable but you have to do them." and "Well, maybe God is trying to teach you thankfulness and gratitude for the work He gave you," and things like that. Even though he was probably right, I wanted to punch him in the nether regions, so I got out of the room. I went to our family altar and dropped to my knees, prayed for some time and asked Jesus to show me what He was trying to teach me.
Then, resigned to just suck it up and suffer, I slinked into the kitchen and got to work on the extra dishes.Almost immediately, Wayne came in and asked me how he could cheer me up.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked.
"What I really want is not for you to tell me the hard stuff, but for you to just say to me: "I will make this microwave work in the name of Jesus! Glory Hallelujah!" and for the microwave to spring to life.
He laughed.
"OK," he said, half serious and with a hilarious grin,"as priest over this home I will pray over this microwave for you." He proceeded to lay hands on the microwave and prayed something along the lines of "Lord, if it be your will that this moment for you to make this microwave work, I ask that you do it not to merely restore to us a possession but to teach Barbie a lesson not to blaspheme and to question your nature whenever things don't go her way as is the pattern of her behavior all these years."
I scoffed and made a face as he made the sign of the cross over the microwave, and then reached over to plug it back in.
Amazed, I caught my breath. The microwave beeped to life, and it was as if it hadn't even been broken!! We both looked at it, not in disbelief but just incredulous that through this small, seemingly insignificant miracle, we had both learned a good lesson.
I dropped to my knees on the kitchen floor as Wayne said over his shoulder: "You better get on your knees!" and laughed."The Lord thinks you're a jerk!"
Isn't it amazing how sometimes God has to go to extremes to speak to us about our own sin, because we are that unwilling to hear it???
As I'm writing this, Wayne is over my shoulder going: "No, He loves you, and that's why He gave you your microwave back!"
But the truth is, He is both infinitely merciful and infinitely patient with us. He is so good.

Mothering, and a deepening prayer life

Happy mother's day to all my mommy friends!! I love you guys and I'm so proud of you all. I recently posted a bulletin about the woman in oklahoma, or arkansas or something, who was on her 18th pregnancy (let's not forget there are women in places like Mexico who do this as an every day thing) and said something along the lines of .... if she can do it, we can do it. I got a lot of funny emails back about how I was nuts. So just to clarify--- I meant, if she can handle 18, we can handle the 2, 3, 4, 6, or 8 we've been given. NOT that we should all strive to have 18 children!! haha.
Last night I overheard Wayne's dad saying to Wayne that he should take good care of me on Mother's day. "I know, Dad," Wayne said, and his dad goes: "No listen: she's a better mom than you ever had and a better mom than I ever had, I'll tell you that. You are very lucky to have her."
It made me all mushy inside. :P

Wayne is taking me to Raleigh this week for mother's day. We will go to Duke Chapel, which is a wierd type of pilgrimmage (I think it's a methodist church-- or at least, ecumenical) for him because it was one of the first churches that formed his opinion of holiness as a child. It's very pretty:






Raleigh's downtown area is rich in history and very cool. we're going to have lunch there, and then we are going to hit the Franciscan Community, which Wayne feels very drawn to. I can relate-- I grew up at the Santa Barbara Mission, and the Franciscans there were my spiritual advisors. Quite a few of them were just amazingly profound people with a deep devotion for God that transcended what I thought was normal and brought me into the REAL spiritual state--- there are Poor Clares there who are in perpetual fast, who are barefoot, who are cloistered and live in contemplative silence, and who-- for their entire lives--- wake up at night for the Liturgy of the hours, all with the utmost joy. They literally live to pray.


Kinda puts my whole night complaining about waking for Ishod and Annika into perspective, doesn't it?

Anyways, Wayne's fascination with the franciscans over the last two months has caused me to re-evaluate HOW God is using us and to what end. We have talked about this this stuff for hours on end, sometimes until late into the night.
In Catholicism, there is a concept unpresent in nondenominationalism called "Vocations." It's asking the question: God, what are you calling me to do to serve you?
Some feel called to priesthood. Others to the monastic life. Others to marriage. Some to singleness, others to marriage. It puts a whole new spin on praying for my children--- I've gone from praying for their marriage to praying for their vocation, whatever it may be.
One thing that has been really interesting is this: during the process of convalidating our marriage in the church, we have been faced with the daunting task of communicating to each other things which are just really hard but also really necessary to communicate.
Things like admitting to ourselves that we rushed into getting married without thinking of the consequences. Things like perhaps we MISSED our vocations because of the passion we had for each other. And now that we have kids, there's not much to do but work with it. And that's good-- it's hard, but it teaches us so much too, and it gives us even more of a push to raise our kids right. I can see a tangible spark of godliness in Annika's life at her young age-- or rather, I can see God's hand upon her. And I dont think that's an accident.

Anyways, all this yearning to commit ourselves MORE to the work that God has for us but feeling directionless for the last four years has totally ceased with our discovery of the existence of third orders, oblates, and the like. Most religious orders have a third, or secular aspect which aspiring saints can join as they commit themselves to living the heart of the Order in the world. Basically, we can join our prayer lives to the lives of an existing community within the Order that we feel drawn to and live out our faith in that way. Wayne, as I said, is drawn to the Franciscans.
Me? I'm discovering a strong draw to Carmel. I grew up in a family of nuns and priests totally dedicated to living out Charles de Foucauld's spirituality-- simple living, loving everyone, sharing the gospel with action, living among the people. it only seemed right that I start there. But as I prayed, I realized that I am called to something a bit more--- contemplative. I've been known to spend entire days in silent prayer and meditation, which I'm discovering is unusual among my peers. I dont get bored in quiet, lonely times. I come to life. Or rather, my prayer life does. I'm attracted to simplicity... and to mysticism. And the single greatest lesson I have learned from Medjugorje is how to pray from the heart, which is a big part of Carmelite spirituality. It seems like a perfect fit, but I want to discern correctly because I'm sure it's easy to jump onboard only to discover that there are aspects of each particular order that don't necessarily mesh with your calling. It's important to be prayerful and totally submitted to God's will and not just our own "feelings" about what belonging to that particular order might mean for us. So I'm studying, I'm praying, and I'm getting really excited to learn more.

On the job front, Wayne has applied to a job that potentially answers all our questions if he gets it. we still haven't heard from the Navy, btw, and are basically ready to give up on that thought. more to come....

Happy Pentecost Sunday, everyone! Come, Holy Spirit!

Good advice for worship

Came across this today in a Catholic forum on Ravelry about appropriate behavior for mass. Though it's tailored to Catholics, I think it's good advice for any worship service you might attend, and should be posted on the doors of every church.
Since I can't do that.... I'll blog it with runing italicized commentary. :P

"The article on Church Etiquette has run in the bulletin for several
weeks—I hope to some positive result. It is time, however, based upon
recent observations, to refresh its content.
1) Please turn off or silence cell phone and pagers
Hello, this is like, the most normal and courteous thing to do when EVER you are assembled, and yet every single sunday I hear someone's stupid phone go off. Worse yet, every Sunday I see someone actually answer it.

2) Please keep a respectful quiet in the presence of Jesus in the
Eucharist before and after Mass
This is obviously a problem only in the Catholic and Orthodox churches, but is good advice since many people come to church to pray and draw nearer to God, not to hear what you thought about last week's baseball game.

3) Please remember appropriate clothing—even/especially during the
summer the church should be décolletage-free zone (if you don’t
know this word I have one other word for you…Dictionary)
In recent months we have even begun to notice how backless dresses, etc, can be incredibly disruptive. Please think when you get dressed in the morning-- would you wear this to meet the King of All?

4) Please for us as adults, do not bring in cups of coffee from the
various chains…or, of course, from home
the morning coffee during church phenomenon, which we can thank nondenominational Christianity for, I've been guilty of in the past (although never at mass) but even then, I felt totally WRONG during worship when there was a cup of coffee by my feet. And then it got cold by the time worship was over, etc. But I couldn't just drink it during worship because I was focused. etc. Ridiculous. Let's just save the coffee for AFTER church. Catholics, incidentally, double shame on you. You should be fasting before receiving the Eucharist.

5) Please remember, except in case of true need, bottles of water are
not needed…we probably won’t dehydrate in an hour
I love this. It's true. Drink some water before you come in. Get some after. You'll be ok. If not, there are drinking fountains outside, go to it.

6) Please remember chewing gum by anyone (any age, Catholic or
not) is not acceptable ever, at any time, and especially during
Mass. Reason? 1. respect 2. one-hour fast prior to Communion
I'll add a couple of other reasons. For Catholics, I've heard stories of people coming up to receive communion WITH GUM IN THEIR MOUTHS. Is that any way to receive our Lord? for non catholics, think about it this way: chewing gum says loudly that you are not being respectful to those of us who remember a day when gum was not something you chewed all day long. At the very least, refrain from chewing gum if only because no one likes to stick their hand or shoe in someone else's chewed up gum.

7) Please refrain from reading the bulletin, e-mails or text messages
during Mass
Yes, those same people who don't like to turn off their phones during church often put them on vibrate and then text people during church. I've seen it all. The reason we get bulletins on paper is so we can take them home. The reason we ask that you turn off your cells is so that you are not distracted from worshipping our Lord. Duh.

8) Please NO MP3 devices, iPods, Nano or otherwise…
I know it seems like we shouldn't have to say it, but we do because I've seen it.

9) Please do not come late, scoot out after Communion or rudely
leave before the Liturgy is concluded, including the closing hymn
These same rules apply to nonCatholics who skip worship, leave before the altar call, etc. Devote yourself to really BEING at Church. Otherwise, why are you coming?

10) Please participate in the Mass, Body, Mind and Spirit singing,
speaking, praying, attending within the heart and in the body.
The question may be asked, “Why?”. The answer, is reverence,
respect, participation. Our obligation is NOT bodily presence in the
church during the time the Mass is being celebrated; our obligation
each Sunday and Holy Day of obligation is active participation in
mind, heart and body in the Liturgy, in which the saving mysteries of
the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ are celebrated in a
way that we may enter into them… If that sounds heady well it may be,
but that’s how it is, that is our privilege as Catholics to take part in by
prayerfully lifting up our minds and hearts and offering ourselves with
Jesus Christ at the altar.
Our Lord unites us with Himself, with one another and with
the angels and saints, by the Holy Spirit, in the one and only worship of
God The Father when we come to Mass—nothing less. God the Father
listens to our prayers with loving and unfailing attention; we should be
together as a community, in His Presence in exactly the same way.
Please don’t take offense but one of our goals together must be the
restoration and maintenance of reverence and participation in the
Liturgy—our whole and undivided hearts we must give to God. I
would be remiss not to remind us all of our duty and our privilege. "
—Father John
Obviously the same principles should apply to the noncatholic church goer. Participate actively in union with those "performing" the service.... pray with your pastors, sing with your worship leaders, give your hearts to the Word proclaimed.

Peace Reigns

Having such an amazing week and I'm sorry for not updating my blog more this week. I'm also sorry (And hopefully you read this) for those who rightly deserve emails and what nots from me that I've had to neglect as we search for jobs. (D'vora, Crystal, Dara, Doris, etc... so sorry!)

The job hunt has been going relatively well. There are practically no jobs in Fayetteville worth a dime but I'm persevering and finding some interesting solutions. We have filled out so many applications in the last two weeks my mind is spinning!

The housing market in Philadelphia is surprisingly affordable-- I'm kind of shocked ,actually. I'm sure if we found the right job we would be able to make it there. We are also looking at Las Vegas, mostly because we would love to be close to our dear friends the Hommels and close enough to family and friends in Cali without actually having to LIVE in Cali. There are some excellent job opps there as well, although the cost of living is significantly higher. To be honest, I feel much more "connected" to the idea of a big east coast city, with public trains for transportation, lots of history, etc. At the same time, there are many benefits of living out west. And I know if we lived in Vegas people would want to come visit. :P

We have developped a friendship (or rather re-developped) with a couple named Ryann and Derek. Ryann is Wayne's brother's ex girlfriend. When he was living with us in the beginning of our marriage, they were in high school, dropping out, and to be honest-- quite a handful. Since then she has gotten married, had a baby, and is now a Christian, which makes her right in the same place I am. I enjoy spending time with her and it's a good opportunity for me to pour into a younger woman. Her class just had their prom and she works three jobs and maintains an amazing home, so I really admire her. Her husband is also really nice... enthusiastic, driven, and obsessed with apologetics, which means he and Wayne have a blast. Also, she wants me to teach her to knit, which will be fun!

Yesterday, I got to connect with an old friend on the phone and catch up for several years of communication light. It was WONDERFUL to talk to her and made me msis her a ton.

Yesterday, Wayne and his dad went out on the lake in the canoe and had a man's day out. Me and the kids stayed home and FINALLY had a day to really scour the house. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, but I did get a lot done, which is what matters.

Last night I went to confession and then Wayne and I went to Mass together. We really love going to mass. It's a very profound experience for us because we are both like little, hushed, excited children participating in the mystery, as opposed to when we went to regular church together and were in different spiritual places and what not. The mass is about uniting our individual participation to the sacredness of what is at hand, if that makes sense. You get out of it what you put into it. I can totally understand people who go there and are bored.... although I can't relate.
After dinner, Father Tony came over and we hung out until nearly two in the morning! I'm totally exhausted now, but it was so worth it. The guy is just amazing. I feel so fortunate that we came into St Patrick's at a time where he is the Parochial Vicar (or slave, as he likes to say.) Not only do we all connect on a fundamental, love of the Word of God kind of level--- being an ex baptist, he understands exactly where we are coming from-- but he is a deeply spiritual person. I know you tend to think that all priests are, but in my experience that isn't necessarily the case. Many priests come to a point in their careers where they kinda hit a wall and just stop. But his genuine faith is just so refreshing!!! He is so humbled by Christ that it can bring him to tears--- and does. He does everything he can to connect with people on a personal level, often at the expense of his precious personal time, etc. He is as broken and contrite before the Lord in the sacrament of confession as the penitent is. He is as moved by the Eucharist as I am right now, all the time. He is just amazing.
How many pastors in charge of a 1600 family member church do you know that can do that? His humility humbles me and everyone who comes into contact with him. His enthusiasm and love for the Lord is just totally captivating. But as I suspected, there's more to it even than that.

I haven't talked much about mysticism, or the "mystical" aspect of many functions of the Catholic Church, but I'm going to now. They recently excavated, for example, the remains of Padre Pio, an Italian Capuchin Franciscan Friar who died over forty years ago. His body was found to be preserved... like many of the incorruptible bodies of the saints before him. This is a phenomenon that many protestants are unfamiliar with--- the literal preserving by God of the body of some people in death who dedicated themselves wholly to His service in life. Among other things, Padre Pio labored in the confessional for sometimes over sixteen hours at a time, had healing gifts, deliverance gifts, came under terrible attack by the devil, experienced the stigmata (the actual wounds of Christ appeared on his body one day while he was saying his post-mass prayers before the crucifix. forever after, the five wounds bled openly on his body, and doctors estimated that he lost about a cup of blood a day through them.) and was a profoundly spiritual person who had an effect on everyone he came into contact with. He's one of my favorite saints.
Lives such as his are not rare in the history of the church. Early church fathers and mothers experienced such incredible displays of God's power that it's astounding to me that the whole world isn't Christian as a result of seeing and hearing about these things. Aside from the obvious example of the incorruptible bodies of dead saints, for example, there are Eucharistic miracles which cannot be explained-- where the Consecrated Hosts on the alter literally have BECOME flesh... in the case of some places, heart flesh (!) and blood (type AB every time!) and/ or are preserved to this day. We spoke last night on the Satanic mass, and it's basic using of the entire Mass for a sacriligious end. We spoke about how satanists often break into the church and steal the consecrated hosts--- even stabbing them and otherwise disrespecting them . Another example are the marian apparitions. There are VERY mystical things happening the world over that have been happening for ever... and it's far deeper than just raising the dead or casting out demons.

In the same way, Father Tony's description of his experience of the Holy Mass is just incredible. He literally sees the blood dripping off the crucifix, sees the Body in the tomb, sees the stone rolled away as he goes through the rites wich represent each part of the life, death and resurrection of Christ.... he explained that he is dissolved in sweat by the end of Mass for the power that he sees present in it daily. As he prays over the bread and wine that they would become really Christ, he is always totally freaked out--- thinking "Lord, I am SO not worthy!" I am so blessed by this testimony which shows me that the power of God is available to us through the Mass--- that in the Mass, which is a perfect prayer, we are all united in something so profoundly sacred I hesitate to even begin to describe it for fear that I cannot do it justice. I feel so privileged that God has called me to His table. I feel so blessed to be able to partake of the Eucharist. It really has changed my life.

It's hard not being able to discuss this stuff with people. I don't really have any Catholic friends yet and I definitely get wierd looks from the protestant friends I attempt to talk about this with. I am praying for fellowship that goes deeper than just both being believers.

Well, I'm off to church. The kids are up, etc. I wanted to talk about our convalidation but I'll do that in a later blog. Happy Ascension Sunday everyone. May those of you who are reading and who participate in the Mass truly recognize the privilege of being present at Calvary. May peace reign in all our hearts as we watch Christ rise and await the Holy Spirit's descent in pentecost this week.

Changing directions... again??

I've been thinking alot about what my friend Erin said regarding my "being all over the place." I can see how from the outside in it looks like we are always off to do new things.... but the way I see it, it's all a continuous journey.
If I had the opportunities that a lot of other people have, and if Wayne did, we wouldn't be this way. Most of our friends had their college paid for, so they didn't have to dream about going there. Most of them know what they want to be. They planned their kids and their marriages. We just sort of --- go with the wind. We didn't know we were going to get married so that threw us for a loop. Then we found out we were pregnant and that did us in (not that i dont love my kids, but now we're REALLY stuck for doing what we want to do) SO now, as a family, we've been trying to work out how to achieve our goals. They aren't major.
We both would like to get a degree. We both want to be able to travel. We both want to get out of Fayetteville. We both want him to have a job that takes care of us, with benefits. We both want to make a difference for Jesus Christ. That's all. Not very big dreams.... but dreams we're chasing nonetheless.


Wayne is stuck in a rut. He has been waiting for more than three months now on the Navy. Over a year ago, we lived here and were doing ok, but were unsatisfied and more than a little hopeless. The opportunity presented itself for him to pastor a house church in Cali, and believing we were called there, we took a leap of faith. We all know how that turned out. In California, we were promised a really sweet deal with him working as a trainer for Cross Fit here in Fayetteville. Seeing as how we disliked living in California, and Wayne had always loved training people and thought he could definitely make a career out of it, we moved back here. Only to discover that the owner of this particular Cross Fit franchise was having a hard time getting clients. And that we couldn't make a living. Since then, he hasn't really had a job. He's been trying to get into the Navy, but they have made us jump through every hoop imagineable, including asking us to spend 500 bucks on getting x-rays and what not to prove his eligibility, which makes NO sense and which we cannot do. Back in the day, the service paid for that stuff. I really think they are just pulling our chain, at this point, but I can't imagine WHY.

Wayne makes a few bucks here and there working whenever he can doing just about anything--- and we've been applying everywhere we can think of. But the bottom line is, it's just not working. None of the companies he gets excited about working for are EVER hiring here-- UPS, FEDEX, AMTRAK....

I tried really hard to go to nursing school. it seemed like a great way to help him out without sacrificing being a mom. I completed part of the training but I couldn't get my books, and because this year I had already applied for financial aid in California, I couldn't re-apply for California. So that opportunity basically came and went.

The only thing Wayne feels called to do is ministry. He wants to work with people who need Jesus. He wants to feed the homeless, encourage the downcast, and just share Jesus with people. This was ok when he wanted to be a pastor, but no one would send us to seminary and he couldn't go to seminary without me working, which we felt was unbiblical. Now that we are Catholic, he can't be a pastor. :) So that puts a dent in his plans. He can be a deacon, and still may, but he still has to get to seminary.

He wanted to apply for the fire dept here, which I think he would excel at.... but of course, so does every fresh-faced kid straight out of high school. They aren't hiring. He can't stand the idea of working in the trades, which I support because of the nature of the lifestyle he is surrounded by day in and day out in those jobs (porn, prostitiution, drugs, etc) and he doesn't want to be a cop, which I support, because he's a bit too hot headed and in this city, it's really a lifeless job. Crime is intense here. People are really rotten. It would be too hard to do and not be able to share Christ with them. That and we have NO faith in the justice system. So what to do? It's in God's hands. And on and on it goes. We've been waiting exactly one year now to move in one direction or another, and we are in a perpetual holding pattern.

This all looks kinda depressing and miserable when you look at it, and I do feel that it's been really intense to go through. We've had to learn how to depend on God for really basic living necessities, and it has been rough... far rougher than it ever has been, especially considering that we just had our second child. On the other hand , it has taught us soooo much-- about what we REALLY need, about our faith, about callings and vocations, about each other, and all the rest.

I'm committed to a submitted wifestyle, but it has been extremely difficult for me to put myself in his shoes and understand what he is going through and the despair he is feeling, without losing respect. After all, I have always been fortunate to be able to go out and do whatever I wanted to with no limitations-- if I set my mind to it, God always made a miraculous way. That's how I've had all the amazing jobs I have had. It's a new experience for me to have to hold on and wait like this.
I'm also torn. If my husband just can't do it, I should go out there. But on the one hand, I just don't feel that he will give the kids and house the same attention that I do, and on the other I just dont feel that God would want ME to be the provider!!
I've truly agonized over this for so long now it's a miracle I haven't started to get despairing over it. But last night, while Wayne was just--- bummed-- and we were going over all the possibilities in our heads--- I felt peace for the first time in a long time. I told him I was willing to go to work, if he would work ANY part time morning job and go to school. It is going to be REALLY hard for us, but I think in the long run this will be the solution, because it gives him time to explore what God is truly calling him to do without me having to stress out that I can't even afford butter anymore, you know? I am tired of being poor. I don't want much, but I do want to be able to eat what we want, to wear what we want and not hand me downs, and to see my family. I dont even care about eating out, or about "shopping." or about going to movies or whatever. Just to be able to feel like there wont be some crisis looming around every corner.
I'm a smart girl with a good resume, despite the fact that I haven't done a thing for the last three years, and I can do it.
I've got a lot of clients in my travel agency, but selling plane tickets isn't making me any profit (only cruises, tours, and vacations) and no one I know takes those anymore. I've got to find another way to supplement the family income and that just means getting out there.

The possibilities are endless. I would like to work in a church, but then I wont get benefits. I would like to go back to reporting, but since I dont drive and Fayetteville has no public transportation system, I can't really do that either. I would like to be a flight attendant, but I've got to lose twenty lbs. So I'm sure that as this week unfolds, SOMETHING will present itself. And we will take it. We aren't going to enroll Wayne in school yet because we have to do all the financial aid stuff. So next fall, he's on it. And by then, hopefully, we will either be OUT of Fayetteville, or settled here in a more secure manner. Please pray for me as we transition into this new phase in our lives. This is really a change in my thinking.

In other news, I'm on a total body workout kick. I've been going to the gym every day and that has been SO fun! The kids love the nursery there, and I do tons of stuff I never thought I could do. The first week I was so embarrassed in there I was beet red and pissed off the entire time. But now that I'm feeling a little more confident, I have so much fun!! We go as a family, and nothing beats working out with your man as a date. He is so proud of me when I lift more than the other girls around me.... hehe.

Anyways, I'm off to scour the want ads.

frustration.... be gone!

I'm having to blog this because my frustration is reaching a peak.

First, let me say that when my dear friend Amanda left the LDS Church, she was met with this decision by dazed glances and some inquisitive comments. Not really much more. Her bishop or something (I can't remember who exactly) came over and asked if they were sure, they explained what was up, and that was that. After that, it was mostly just a problem with her parents.

Me? In the last month I've had about twelve "concerned" phone calls, a couple dozen "nervous" emails, and a whole heck of a lot of blog comments, not to mention some flat out "intervention" techniques... all for deciding to go back to my roots and worhsip the Lord in a Catholic Church setting.

Just this week, Wayne and I thought we would soothe some of our family's fears by inviting people to the Wednesday night Mass.
His brother Scott arrived , late, having missed the part of the service where the Bible is read. He arrived in time for communion, only he didn't listen to what the priest was praying. Instead, he typed to some people on his blackberry. When it was time to get in line for communion, Wayne explained that he could either stay in his seat or come up with his arms crossed to receive a blessing. Immediately, he took offense and went "Oh, that's REAL Christian, man." and stormed out of the church. Later that night, Wayne had to spend THREE hours on the phone with him defending Catholic practice by using scripture. Each time, Scott would bring up something he disagreed with ("Catholics worship Mary,") and then Wayne would attempt to show that that wasn't true. Instead of listening to the answers and processing them and continuing the dialogue, Scott would errupt into this creepy self-righteous screaming fest about how wrong it all was. Literally nothing Wayne did got him to calm down enough to actually listen and eventually he was forced to hang up on him. We thought that would be it, but then this morning he showed up at work and continued trying to damn the Church practices. Wayne told him... "well, you certainly have a right to feel that way, but I don't share your opinion, so lets' just leave it at that." But no, he had to keep shouting and carrying on about how it was all sinful. It was so annoying that Wayne left work.

I've gotten phone calls "reminding me" about the dangers of religion, and about following after false prophets. Friends have "happened" to think of me when emailing out a "Random" bible study they wrote on believing lies.

One person even told me that the RCC was the end times Babylon the Great, and the pope the Anti Christ. Now, I'll admit old benedict does LOOK the part a bit, but let's be serious here. Has anyone actually read his stuff? The guy is a brilliant theologian and an incredibly godly person. I am honored to have him as the head of my church.

Most recently, I've had conversations with people where they literally squirmed in their seats as they looked around at some of our new Catholic decor. Now this is really puzzling to me because I thought we would at least agree that it is good to reflect on the Bible in our lives, like through art, etc. But nope, the second something looks too "Catholic" it creeps people out. A friend of mine who came over for tea asked why I had a crucifix up. "Catholics know that Jesus is risen, right?" I'm like... are you serious??? Of course. They also reflect on the wonderful work on the cross. You can find both flavors of wall crosses in a Catholic store. Personally, I love the crucifix because I love to have that visual aide to remind me of what my Jesus did. I find it enhances my prayer life immensely.

Anyways, alot of you guys are probably reading this now, so obviously you know I'm talking about you and saying that it makes me uncomfortable to feel so scrutinized. I am totally sorry to call you out like THIS but I dont know how else to react.
The thing is, I can totally appreciate the sentiment... the reasons behind the "nervous" calls, etc. You guys want to make sure we dont throw away our gifts, our salvation, etc.

So for the record, and hopefully once and for all, let me reassure you of a few things.

1. We do not think you guys need to become Catholics.
2. We do not think the protestant churches, nondenominational churches, etc. are evil.
3. We STILL believe that the Word of God is the best and only way to tell if something is true or false.
4. We believe the same things we did last year about faith vs. works.
5. We have not become superstitious.
6. We are more in love with Jesus today than we were yesterday
7. We are not engaging in vain repetition or pagan practices.
8. We do not believe that Mary is a goddess and worthy of the praise due to the Lord.
9. We are not practicing cannibalism or necromancy.
10. We have not changed our stance on salvation vs. sanctification, and in fact, we have simply put a name on the post-death sanctification process.
11. We do not believe we or any other person has the power to atone for our sins.
12. We do not believe that Israel no longer matters to God.
13. We have not become slaves to a rulebook.
14. We have not changed our stances on ANYTHING, politically, theologically, or otherwise, other than repenting for believing that Marian apparitions were demonic.


I think that about covers it, so hopefully everyone will be reassured that we are OK, and that God is still very much in control of our lives and at the center of our lives. We are living by faith, nothing has changed about that, and we are just as zealous and on fire for the Lord as we were a month ago, only now it's tempered with a little bit more love and compassion and a whole lot more understanding of our history and heritage as a church and as an individual.

Hopefully that about covers it. I've had a rough day, so I'm sorry if this blog was out of line, but I am getting pretty tired of having to defend myself and our decisions every few minutes. I really believe that if all these people spent as much energy trying to learn what they have in COMMON with the Catholic faith, and what the Catholic faith REALLY teaches vs. what their pastor SAYS it teaches, they might be in for a pleasant, unifying surprise.

That's about it!
/rant.

For those who have been praying, and those who can start now...

Just a brief update on our dear friends for whom so many of my myspace friends have been praying.

First of all, I want to thank you for having carried their prayers on wings of angels and uniting your own with theirs for the health of their baby girl Sarah over the last seven and a half months.

This afternoon baby Sarah went to be with the Lord. Our sister Jen had to deliver her after being induced, once they could no longer find a heartbeat, which is a tremendously difficult thing to endure. Please, please, continue to pray for this wonderful family-- whose testimony has strengthened so many of ours. Pray for Baby Sarah, for Jen and Joseph, and for the peace of our wonderful Savior to descend upon them and give meaning to what appears to be a horrible tragedy after their faithful saying "yes" to God from the very beginning, even though the circumstances were so difficult.

May God reward their willingness to guard her precious life for as long as she was lent them, and may they all draw nearer to Him as a result.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Please join us all in mourning their loss.

Fat Catholics :)

It's our anniversary today!

Wayne and I went to Manna again on Sunday. We were planning on going to St Patrick's, until my brother called and said he and his wife weren't going to make it and the guy we usually bring to church wouldn't either. Wayne asked if we could go to Manna at the last minute, and I told him it was fine, though inside my heart broke-- I had been looking forward to going to Mass all week!

He said he felt conflicted about what to do with regards to church on Sundays. Because he isn't yet a Catholic, he doesn't feel that the Church is his spiritual authority, and he realizes he needs that covering. He also wants to do right by our old church and not "break ties" so to speak just because we theologically disagree with a few aspects of what's going on. I agree with him on both counts, and I realized how much all this has been weighing on his mind. We have had most of our friends react in a way that is , well, less than thrilled, about our move to Catholicism, but we don't want to return the favor. :) We don't feel compelled to break bonds with protestant friends, etc, only we personally cannot continue to worship in a setting that is outside what we are rea,izing is a more "complete" way for us to appreciate and serve our Lord.

That being said, I made it clear that in the future, I wanted him to give me more warning so I could go to mass also, because I look forward to the Eucharist every week.
I admit I had a bad attitude inwardly about going to Manna... protestant worship services have just plummeted in the experiential aspect for me since re-discovering the Real Presence. But I recognize, of course, that Jesus is there wherever two or three are gathered, and that my "feelings" about it aren't going to make the difference in the relevance of the concept of Glorifying God on the Sabbath day.

So, we went. It was good. The message was excellent, it's a practical series on marriage and since our anniversary is today, we needed to hear it. Wayne surprised me by spending most of his "fellowship" time telling people that hey-- Catholics are Christians too. I saw some funny faces on people as he enthusiastically shared the beauty of the Mass with people. :P

We left uplifted, and spent the rest of the day having some really quality family time. later on in the day, Wayne surprised me even more by saying he finally felt peace about what he's been praying for.

He wants us to continue to go to Manna until he has completed RCIA, and to attend Mass as often as possible on top of that. He feels like because he can't fully participate in the Mass, he doesn't want to turn his spiritual covering over to the RCC until he can. Which I can understand, although I don't like the idea of continuing to go to a church where I can't receive the Eucharist every Sunday until he goes through RCIA.

He started RCIA last thursday and was really bummed about it--- he is light years ahead of the people who were there (including the facilitator) theologically and in biblical knowledge, etc., so it was an exercise in patience to get the answers to some of his harder questions-- and then he ended up answering them himself.
But I am so blessed to see that he is committed to continuing to go despite the "torture," :P I think that's one more sign that this is totally the Lord acting in His life independently of my own pressure on him, which I have made disappear entirely.

I asked St Monica, whose prayers converted her pagan husband and wayward son, to pray for me that God's will be done in Wayne's faith life--- and that if becoming a Catholic would be a source of unity for us, and give him a deeper understanding of his faith, that it would be entirely between him and God, and that I would be only a joyful bystander. I've been amazed at how quickly and painlessly God has answered that prayer.

Last night as he eagerly continued to pour over the Catechism of the Church and his Bible, I smiled to myself as he told me that he couldn't wait to participate fully in the Holy Mass. I can't wait either!! It will be very good for his soul :)

He is getting us a babysitter on Wednesday night so that we can go to Mass together, and I'm looking forward to that.

And today, on our anniversary, we spent our date at the gym. He thinks it's terribly romantic to lead me to fitness, and though I despise every minute of it, I am so glad he thinks it's so fun to do this with me, and I am trying more each day to let go of my anger and embarrassment at what happened to my body after childbirth, and to embrace his enthusiastic attitude that with a lot of work, this can change.

I used to LOVE going to the gym, because I used to be the hot girl, and everyone wanted to come over and talk to me, spot me, help me with this and that. Now I go there and I swear, if I could shoot RPGs out of my eye balls at all the attractive women working out I would. My vanity is totally upset because no one looks at me, or if they do, it's almost with a smile that says "awwww." The image reflecting back at me in the mirror doesn't look like she is effortlessly having fun, it looks like she's sweating profusely and miserable and --- yep--- still fat.

Wayne tries to encourage me by saying the normal things that people say when they are training: "Great job! See, you had two more in you!" Etc. And I swear under my breath at him and fantasize about taking a left hook, dumbell in hand, to his chin...and especially to the face of the blond girl next to me in spandex shorts who is effortlessly benching 215. These days, I want to work out in a dark closet where no one, including myself, can see me. My self image is completely shot to hell and the unfairness of the situation really bothers me--- I didn't do this to myself . This happened because of the most selfless thing I've ever freaking done: carrying and bearing children. I ate right, I exercised, I didn't do all the "me me me " stuff pregnant chicks around me are always doing (the late night runs to Baskin Robbins, the layin on the couch for hours) and I ended up looking like the michelin man, and that aint' right, God.

I know He allowed this for so many reasons... my vanity needs some destroying, partly punishment for my sexual past, partly teaching me to overcome, etc etc. But you know what? It still sucks totally and completely.

Anyways, after this gym experience today for which, unfortunately, I'm going to have to go to confession before I can go to Mass on Wednesday, I was praying the rosary on my front porch trying to calm down, and I realized that that's how Christ felt about the Cross. I mean, hello? He's going: "Look, I'm God, why do I have to suffer through all this.... it isn't fair!" and it wasn't. The cross is the most unjust thing I can fathom--- and yet he embraced it, and paced himself through it, doing so thinking only of others.

That's kinda what I have to do here--- I have made peace with the fact that I look like garbage, but it matters to my husband. And for him, out of my love for him, I have to take this on. Pray for me.

Nondenominational Theology Vs the RCC, Round One

I got another email that I thought would be best responded to in here because it was the third time someone asked how I can believe the RCC’s theology when "we both know" it’s unscriptural since they teach replacement theology (that the church is israel now, etc)

Here is the best article I have found treating the subject:

Israel and the Church
By James Akin


One of the disputes in Protestant circles is over the relationship between Israel and the Church and whether God still has a special purpose for the ethnic people of Israel in his plan of the ages. Two of the chief disputants are the Protestant schools of thought known as "dispensationalism" and "covenant theology." The former is a relative newcomer on the Protestant scene and was started in the 1830s by an Englishman named John Nelson Darby. A distinctive characteristic of dispensationalism is its insistence that God’s plan of the ages focuses chiefly around the ethnic people of Israel.

With the close of the Church age, many dispensationalists have said they expect God to turn away from dealing with the Gentiles and turn again to dealing primarily with the Jews.This affects dispensationalism’s reading of the book of Revelation as well as much of the rest of biblical prophecy. Dispensationalists see Revelation as a blueprint of future events, chiefly concerning the Jewish people, leading up to a future, earthly reign of Christ known as the Millennium.

During the Millennium, they believe, Israel will be restored as a nation, will return to offering animal sacrifices (in commemoration of Christ’s death on the cross), and will be the most favored nation on earth, with Jesus physically ruling in its capitol. In dispensational thought, the Jews may also have a special status in the eternal order that follows the Millennium.

Covenant theology is much more in line with what traditional Protestant views have been. It tends to be amillennial, viewing the Millennium as the present reign of Christ in heaven and, through the Church, on earth. This is the historic Protestant view, in contrast to dispensationalism’s pre-millennial (future earthly reign of Christ) stance.

Covenant theology thus does not take Revelation as a checklist of future events but as a prophecy of events occurring at the beginning of or all through Church history. Consequently it does not see Revelation as a record of God’s future dealings with the Jewish people. When dealing with apparently unfulfilled prophecies that speak expressly of Israel—such as those in many of the Old Testament prophets—covenant theologians tend to apply them to the Church, arguing that the Church is the spiritual Israel. This "transfer" of prophecies from ethnic Israel to the Church does not go over well with dispensationalists.

If we may speak of the two systems in their unqualified forms, dispensationalism asserts that God still has future plans for the Jewish people and deduces that the Church is not spiritual Israel; covenant theology asserts that the Church is spiritual Israel and deduces that God has no future plans for the Jews different than his plans for any other people.

Both systems cite Scripture for the major premises of their arguments, and the verses they cite seem successful in showing these points. The problem is not with the Scripture passages cited by the two groups but with the conclusions they draw from them. It is the constraints of the two systems that keep their adherents from recognizing that the inferences they make do not follow.

The Catholic Church is able to acknowledge the truth that is found in both positions. Along with the dispensationalists the Church acknowledges that God does still have plans for the Jews as a unique people (Catechism of the Catholic Church 674). Paul clearly indicates this in his writings, especially in Romans 9–11, where he indicates God continues to fulfill his promises about the Jewish people by preserving a remnant of Jewish believers in Christ (11:1–5). This indicates a special place for Israel, for no other people has a promise that there will always be a believing remnant. God also has future plans for the Jewish people: One day the Jewish people as a nation will return to Christ, and this will be one of the signs of the Second Coming and the resurrection of the dead (11:12, 15).

On the other hand, along with covenant theologians, Catholics acknowledge that the Church is spiritual Israel or, in Catholic parlance, the "new Israel" (cf. CCC 877). This too is indicated in Paul’s writings: In Romans 9:6 he says that "not all who are of Israel are Israel." This indicates the existence of two Israels. One—"all who are of Israel"—indicates the ethnic people, not all of whom believe in Jesus. The other Israel, the context reveals, does not include those who have rejected the Messiah. This new Israel, founded by Messiah, exists in spiritual continuity with the Old Testament saints and so counts as a "spiritual Israel." It includes Gentiles who believe in the Messiah and so through baptism are spiritually circumcised (Col. 2:11–12) and are reckoned as spiritual Jews (Rom. 2:26–29).

In his letter to the Ephesians Paul is even more explicit about the Gentiles’ spiritual inclusion when he states that "you Gentiles in the flesh . . . were [once] separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel . . . But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near . . . So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints" (2:11–13, 19).

Thus the Catholic Church, not being constrained by the new theological systems of dispensationalism and covenant theology, is able to avoid the extremes of both while it acknowledges the truths both contain—as it has since before either was invented.

For the naysayers

I keep getting emails from friends who are expressing concern about the recent turn of events in our Faith walk. the latest came from a dear friend which said:
" Can it be you are converting to Catholicism? I knew you had a soft spot in your heart for catholicism, but I didn't think you would convert, considering all of the massive theological shortfalls that I know Wayne has with it... I know we haven't chatted in quite sometime... but when I saw this it made me nervous... I love you guys."

I feel it must be important for me to thoughtfully explain the details in a way that my evangelical brothers and sisters might understand, so that's what I'm going to attempt to do here. But we warned, i'm going to do it in a general sort of a way and not in a deep, scripture by scripture kind of a way. If you are interested in that, I will recommend some readings to you at the end.

I listen to Air One radio, like most evangelicals around here. One of the songs they play is 'the Creed.' -- I think it's by Jars of Clay. It's the entire text of the nicene creed, which all Christians believe. Third wave, charismatic type churches tend not to RECITE it, citing the verse about vain repetition, but originally, this was a major way people were catechized, by the recitation of doctrine. Catholics say it every day at mass.
One thing that has always struck me is that in it, everyone (protestants included) affirm a belief in the "one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church."
Catholic meaning: "Universal." And yet looking at the world today, it is quite obvious that the church is trying very hard NOT to be "one," seems to have, in many ways, forgotten to be "holy," is certainly not entirely "apostolic," though it may believe that it is, and yet--- it is still CATHOLIC.
Nondenominationals believe that the church is the universal gathering together of the people of God. (those who follow the Jesus Christ of the Bible.)
Catholics, also, believe that protestants are a part of the universal body of Christ. The catechism, I believe, calls them "separated bretheren."

But there comes a point when there is a DEEP, schismatic wound that needs to be addressed. I know that on MY end, as an evangelical nondenominational, I walked AWAY from the Catholic Church and cut ALL ties because I genuinely believed what I was told: that the actions, faith, and rituals of the RCC were demonically oriented. I believed what I was told that the Mass was a demonic sacrifice. I believed we needed to evangelize Catholics. I believed these things because I was CERTAIN that scripture said so-- after all-- theologians everywhere in the protestant church's history called many of these Catholic-only structures and beliefs out as evil abominations. But the Catholic members of my family, both clergy and lay, never cast ME out. They welcomed me with joy at the Lord's supper, over and over again.

Let's look, first, at the reformation. Martin Luther wrote these things on a piece of paper and nailed it to the church door. Wayne likes to remind people that that sounds a lot more dramatic than it really was--- he nailed it there because that's where people would see it, and he didn't make big thing out of it, he quietly pinned it to the door, you know? The things he addressed were spot on. And the church, subsequently, was reformed, both within the authority structure OF the church, and outside as well as people began to break off. Martin Luther's own journals express regret that the schism was so deep. He wanted REFORM, not to break away. But the inertia of his actions ran away with him and thus the Lutheran faith was born.

Internally, the changes were made as well, but the damage was done. People had walked out from under the authority structure of the church, and thus was born protestantism-- protesting the Catholic Church's authority. We believe this was a necessary step in purging, and cleaning up, God's church. We also believe that Satan had an active role in what followed.
So how did we get from that to where we are today, with preachers preaching that to be a member of the Catholic Church is to be united with satan's work, with Babylon the great, the pope is the antichrist, etc. etc.?

Over the years, Wayne and I have realized that people often want to re-invent the wheel, especially in the name of Jesus. There's always this sense of "What God is doing..." that is NEW! and REVOLUTIONARY! We see it in the emergent church, in the relational church, in the "Third Wave" movement, we saw it at Maranatha, in Latter Rain, in the new apostolic....we see it in the mega churches.

Underneath all these movements is actually a further and further break from authority, and as it continues, people-- sincere, genuine believers-- try to REcreate what is already present in the Catholic faith in all sorts of ways. This became incredibly evident to me when I was sitting in the confessional yesterday. Here was a perfect, God-ordained SACRAMENT (special moment of Grace-- a reception of God's covenant with us almost reminiscent of an LDS covenant minus the flawed theology as I meditated on it's purpose) by which I could continue to battle sin in my life. And all I could think about was how nondenominationals are always hounding the creation of accountability groups, etc. It's the same thing, only the structure of the catholic sacrament of reconciliation is literally flawless and incredibly profound and sacred, whereas accountability groups are sort of casual gatherings of sincere believers searching for ways to make a difference in their sin lives. That is but one example among many of attempts to REcreate the sacraments in new ways by these modern movements. What I've come to realize is that in the authority structure of the Catholic Church, all the things we are SEEKING as protestants are already present. We have workers for the harvest, we have church growth in crazy numbers, we have baptism in the Holy Spirit for everyone, we have evangelical outreaches that boggle the mind, we have work for peace and justice, and amazing charity, we have the perfect authority structure, we have excellent accountability, we have small groups, we have prayer groups, we have relational christianity, we have simple church, we have charisms of the spirit, we have family integration.... and on and on it goes. It fulfills all the things the LDS church claims "it's own" in a way that actually agrees with scripture instead of directly contradicting it: the priesthood, the priesthood of all believers, the keys to the kingdom, the temple/ house of God, the sacraments, the "One true Church" concept, the works of charity.

The Catholic Church has history on it's side--- all early theologians... those who saw Jesus themselves, those who continued to teach the faith after Jesus' resurrection, those who WROTE the creeds.....the earliest Christians all held and believed the doctrines and theology of the Catholic Church.

The Church has scripture on it's side. When I took away the "Study Bible" goggles and just looked at the WORD, plain and simple, minus the commentary, I saw so many things that I had missed. Just yesterday, having dinner with Father Tony, we had a moment like that. He was reading to Wayne about the Real Presence from 1 Corinthians.... and he came to the part where it said we must "discern the body" in the bread, lest we reap condemnation on our heads. Discern the BODY! Does it get any clearer than that??

The church has Unity on it's side. Within the structure of the Roman Catholic Church (and the Eastern Orthodox Church) there are PLENTY of different ways of living out your faith, all under one similar theological umbrella, all capable of being united with each other and being complementary to each other. My dad could, on Sept 11 when he was angry, move from Fransiscans who preached on forgiving the terrorists to Jesuits who preached on the fire from heaven for sinners, and back again when he was ready. He could look to the saints who had gone before him to pray for his peace and intercede before the throne alongside those who were walking along the way beside him. And yet all know who they can turn to for their authority, as their leader, who they can stand behind.

This perpetual and growing dissatisfaction with "the church" we see, or vice versa, this maniacal obsession with creating spheres of "like minded DNA" churches all around us is all about the problem at large. Theology, doctrine, etc, is the least of our worries. Evangelicals have for years tried to take Catholics out of the club, but what I've come to realize is that they CREATED the club! And that all the "fathers of the faith" who I can admire as having given their all for God-- those people KNEW without a doubt, that the basic doctrines of the faith needed to be adhered to. Including the things which -- to a protestant-- are NOT basic: devotion to Mary is a blessing so profound that God has graced us with. Early protestants believed it. It wasn't until they got more and more comfortable with their own identity and authority structure outside the church that they began to remove it and reconsider it. The communion of saints is also a huge blessing we miss out on as protestants- an avenue of Grace we refuse. And on and on it goes.

This morning during the homily, our priest shouted out: "it's GOOD to be a Catholic!" people laughed, but you know, I think he has been set on fire anew through us a little bit too... our enthusiasm at discovering (and in my case, re-discovering) the fullness of the deposit of faith available to us believers has just been instrumental. Truly. I only wish I hadn't wasted so much time missing out on this goodness. Fortunately, God was working on me that entire time. I needed to go so deep into the faith movements of modern Christianity that I became a theological whirlwind---tasting of every "move of God" in evangelical America and literally YEARNING for Him in all of them so that I would realize that underneath it all was a beacon of stable light calling me home, and that all it would take was a crumbling of my own vanity and pride and a submitting to the only real spiritual authority on this earth, that of Jesus Christ, our Lord, and of His body, represented by the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.

So don't cry for me, sisters and brothers--- rejoice with me that I have FINALLY gotten to the point where Romans 8 is a daily reality for me.... where I can finally rest these tired feet and look around me and recognize my Home.

Lastly, I want to address the fact that Wayne has also gone through the same thing. I KNEW it was God when it was him who started openly and actively participating in things I had been praying for in secret. Mary literally showed us how far we were from REAL conversion because of our pride, and how far we were from peace because of our pride. In those tentative moments, I was afraid that I was being seduced by my "feelings," but the amazing thing is that my husband doesn't share those feelings and longings, and yet he came to the same conclusion. His decision to become a Catholic isn't about CONVERSION to a church. It's converting to a way of life. Its' coming under spiritual authority, it's renewing his conversion to Christ, it is confirming his calling in Christ, it's receiving Christ at the Lord's Table, and it is a powerful testimony to the world.
Catholicism isn't another religion to a protestant. We're discovering it's the "pure and undefiled religion" of the book of James that protestants are so often yearning for. And what kills us is that there are thousands upon thousands of people out there who take their catholicism for granted. I literally wept when I received the Eucharist again-- I think people may have thought I was a bit deranged.

I challenge ALL of you who have written to us out of great concern, or who have held your tongues and simply prayed that we would be moved quickly out of the realm of the Catholic church to re-evaluate with the eyes of Christ.
We aren't saying that you should all go out and be Catholics, although if you did, we would TOTALLY understand why. We are saying that to alienate your Catholic brothers and sisters because of YOUR misunderstandings of what they believe is not only wrong, but cruel. And that we look forward, as time goes on, to being an instrument of peace within the community of Christ-followers here. Our priest was once disfellowshipped from Campus Crusade for Christ, where he had spent every waking moment ministering to souls about the Lord, because he had decided to become a Catholic. Don't make that mistake. Educate yourselves about the history of your own church, and take it back before the days when Martin Luther hung that nail. Jesus said: "My peace I give you."

We are praying for peace and a healing of the wounds of religious war.

Letter to my parents

Hi Parental Units,

So I had the most interesting experiences over the last few days I wanted to share with you. (First off, I hope dad's birthday was EXCELLENT!)

Wayne and I went to our Parish's New Members Dinner, where they explain some of the lay ministries to get involved in , etc. This was important to us because we were so active at Manna Church that we couldn't fathom sitting on our hands at St Patrick's, but we had no idea where to start. It was very informative and we were glad for the opportunity to be welcomed into the community--- this really is an amazing parish. We had gone, years ago, to a similar dinner at our old church, but while at that time we were catered a very fancy restaurant meal and introduced to the pastors, this time we were served a simple homemade meal and introduced to the lay ministers who were requesting our help in the community. We were really impressed with the dinner at Manna Church, but this time were doubly impressed with the simple dinner (yay for spending money on the things that REALLY matter!) and the exciting opportunities to work for peace and justice in the world, not just by WORDS of God but by His actions as well.

I am joining the Immaculate Conception Sodality, which is an organization of women which promotes devotion to Mary by their own personal prayer life as well as by serving the community in various ways (praying for the sick at the hospital, bringing meals to new moms, etc. All the stuff I used to do at Manna.)
I have also joined the Legion of Mary, which is a prayer group with an evangelical focus. I am excited to be a part of this group because it is Mary through Medjugorje and Fatima who drew Wayne and I to examine our faith more deeply in light of the History of the Church, etc. We are both very thankful to her! Wayne even wears a miraculous medal now---given to him by the Legion of Mary--- which is amazing considering that two years ago he asked me if I thought it was ok that I still had mine in our belongings!

As I told you, during the event, we ate with Father Tony, the priest who was at the kids' baptismal mass on easter. He is a great guy and a total Godsend. His parents are both HARDCORE baptists, as was he until he became a Catholic. He is in LOVE with the Word of God and has most of the Bible memorized, which is so cool because he speaks about the faith using Scriptural terms, like an evangelical, which helps us so much to really grasp the depth of what he is saying.
Yesterday, I went to my first confession with him. Because he knew I had no idea what to do, he made an appointment with me early, before confession normally starts, to walk me through the whole process. He began by taking me back into the back of the church behind the altar and explaining to me the vestements as he put them on--- which gave me a greater appreciation for the reason behind them! It's based on the Ephesians six armor of God. (the stole representing Christ's authority, and truth, the over garment representing LOVE, because we must wrap the truth in love so that it is received, etc. )

He took me to the front of the church and catechized me with regards to what I was looking at, where everything was, and why. He let me look at the Shofar used to annoint with oil, to look at the sacristy(?), and to really understand the "lay of the land" in the church.
Then we went into the confessional, which these days has a wall panel with a kneeler if you choose, or a second chair so you can do it face to face. He walked me through the entire sacrament, and it was a VERY profound experience for me! In all my years as an evangelical making private confession to God every night on my own (which we can and should do!) I have never so profoundly experienced God's mercy as I did yesterday upon absolution. It was very, very cool and I recommend it to anyone. I went because Mary told the visionaries that it was good for everyone to go to confession at LEAST once a month at Medjugorje, but now I totally understand why.The best part was that it was as moving for HIM as it was for me--- this sacrament is really, really cool.

After confession Wayne and the kids met us and we hung around for a while until he was finished hearing all the other parishioner's confessions. Then we all went out to eat with Father Tony. This was amazing to us because Wayne had set an appt with him at 5:30 to discuss some of the issues he was having a hard time understanding (purgatory, the Real Presence, Mary's perpetual virginity, etc.)
Instead of meeting him in the office, Fr Tony took ALL of us out to eat in a restaurant! He was so personable. He had ordered all these books for Wayne to read (mostly by scott hahn and then the classics-- Ignatius, etc.) and had so much fun explaining all the issues to Wayne using the Bible....which was awesome. In fact, in explaining the Real Presence he pointed out a verse I had never noticed before. I've read it in 1 Corinthians over and over again but I've never noticed that it says we must "discern the body" when we take communion, lest we come under condemnation. How amazing that I never noticed that!!

I could go on all day about the theological chat-- he has a very profound understanding of and appreciation FOR many protestant theologists, in fact, more so than when I had my ongoing series of "letters" both with tante roselyne and with Fr. Ben at Our Lady of Sorrows. But the best part was just how welcoming he was! I mean, he's the parochial vicar of a very large, busy church, and yet here he was taking us out to eat, asking us to join him at the movies when Prince Caspian comes out, offering us a private retreat to soak in all that's happened, and even making plans to take us to a Latin Mass in Dunn with some of his other friends in the parish. He told us we were like fresh wind of the Holy Spirit for him-- an answer to prayer because he had been praying for young couples to join the parish who were active in their faith and catalysts for fellowship, etc. He was as thrilled as we are. Wayne has decided to begin RCIA next thursday!! Also, I have discovered something amazing--- there is a HUGE population of French, Italian, and French African congregants at St Pats!!! Really! Fr Tony even hears confession in both Italian AND French!

It was a monumental change for us, because we are so accustomed to feeling like we are bothering busy business men when we ask our pastors for spiritual guidance. But here was this guy, so enthusiastic to share a moment in the Lord with people, and even better-- so humble that he was as excited as we were that God was at work in our lives. It was very refreshing. Sean and Jess are coming with us tomorrow and they now want to be members here as well. And we are bringing Wayne's friend Mike, who has never been to church.

Anyways, yesterday morning I was at the Park with the kids and the most extraordinary thing happened. This is the real reason I'm writing. First of all, the day I called you about Annika's sleeping problem, she had been, that evening, looking at the cieling and telling us there was a baby there. She would reach her arms out to the baby and try to smooch it and hug it. She told us how much she loved it. I just thought she had an active imagination and played along. She did it again when her grandpa came over and he also played along.
That night is the night she didn't sleep all night because there was a problem with "owies" and "hurt" in "feet" and "hands." I blamed it on growing pains and called you, you'll remember , to ask about it.
The next day we were at the park and she ran off to the sand pit. I ran after her and found her holding a book! The book had this black leather cover and had sustained MAJOR water damage. I opened it to see what it was and though the first twenty five pages or so are pretty much ruined, I was AMAZED to find that it was a book called "The Catholic Girls Guide and Sunday Missal," by a priest named father Lasance. This book, let me tell you, is a GEM. It is absolutely full of little anecdotes and stories designed to instill virtue in young catholic women, and is just so awesome. The back is a missal and prayer book with the prayers in english and latin. It had some prayer cards in there from funeral masses for people that had died in the sixties. I looked around and saw no one, so took it home and I've been reading it ever since. It occured to me at that moment that this was totally a God thing. That's when I realized Annika had been so concerned about owies on HANDS AND FEET. I wonder if she was talking about Jesus?? Maybe that was the baby she was seeing :) Who knows?

Anyways, I looked this book up on the internet and it's really hard to find. It's out of print, but I found it at this Catholic bookstore called Halo Works online. Amazon also sells a couple used ones for like 45 bucks. I want to get one for Annika when she's older and one of the young men's version ones for Ishod. Apparently, this father Lasance made one for girls and one for boys, and it is a TREASURE. I wondered if the sisters at Santa Catalina know about it and if not, you guys should look into getting a copy at your library-- it's absolutely incredible. Book of Virtues times one million, really.

I thought I wold share. I love you!
Mom, since you didn't take home the book on Medjugorje, I want you both to click the link in my signature that says "Pray: Gospas Mission."

Wayne and I had a talk with one of the key players in the Medjugorje phenomenon and he asked us if we would open our home to seekers wanting to know more about the events there because there was no such center in our area. So, we have. We show them videos and pray with them and have a lending librarry with books about it available. Part of that is this website that I made. So check it out and read more about it!






Barbie Nesbitt
Live: Team Nesbitt
Work: Mission Travel
Play: StitchLove Blog
Pray: Gospa's Mission

New Beginnings

Unbelievable. I wrote this whole, long blog and then I accidentally clicked on the wrong tab and totally deleted it! Argh.

OK, to recap (and forgive me if I don't have the patience to make it fascinating again :P)

Wayne and I have been getting to know our new church. We have been seeking what's called "Convalidation," which is bringing your secular marriage into the church, as a sacramental way of receiving God's blessing and grace within the structure of your couple. We want to do this because we had a very quick, spur of the moment, and non-religious wedding, and we want the opportunity to bring God into our marriage in the way HE set it up in the first place... and the blessing of our spiritual authority.
In doing so, we have had to undergo some pretty intensive church counseling. Well, not so much counseling as pushing in the direction of communication. For instance, on Tuesday we filled out what's called a FOCUS questionnaire. We had to separately answer a ton of questions about every aspect of our marriage, which was a WONDERFUL exercise for us because it showed us how much we've overcome (differing socio-economic background, cultural background, relational background, language barriers, differing goals, ideals, values, sexual backgrounds, religious upbringing, etc.)
It also showed us the areas we need to work harder at, and how much God is molding us together as One Flesh already! It was very, very cool and I recommend it to anyone. The Catholic CHurch is great about marriage because it forces people to undergo a six month preparation period to equip them to adequately relate to one another in Christ. AWESOME. I wonder if the percentage of PRACTICING Catholic weddings that stay together is higher than the percentage of PRACTICING protestant weddings?

Anyways, it was good stuff.

Wayne is also beginning the first stages of RCIA, which is the inquiry phase of joining the Catholic Church. He will be going to his first meeting on Thursday night and he is very excited about it. He has MANY doctrinal issues he wants to address, revolving mostly around the Real Presence in the Eucharist and the idea of Purgatory...and the pope. Thanks to Medjugorje, he has TOTALLY made his peace with Mary's role and with the communion of the Saints. Obviously he has also made his peace with infant baptism :P

So, I've been praying that he would come into contact with some knowledgeable Catholics who would really stir up his spirit and not just stagnant old farts for lack of a better term who just go "through the motions." I've been praying that the people we encounter in this parish are really vibrant in their faith! God answered my prayers first through a myspace encounter with a woman who is fascinating in her rich understanding of the deposit of faith, DVora/deb.
And last night, we went to church to eat a 'new members dinner' and get to know our parish. What an incredible night!
We dropped the kids off in the simple, adorable nursery and then went into the social hall, where the lay ministers had set up little boards with the whos and whys of each ministry within the structure of the Parish. There were all sorts of cool things-- scouts, a school, ministry to the homebound, sick, dying, bereaved, young couples, Natural Family Planning, Abstinance awareness, Life issues, feeding the poor, the hungry, etc. Basic elements of a church that works for peace and justice IN THE WORLD, not just "for later." Which I really appreciate-- I think alot of evangelicals have a tendency to say; well, I didn't give him any money, but I gave him a card that tells him about Jesus, so hopefully that made a difference. I think we should give him our SHOES and the card, you know? Anyways, I rejoiced when I saw that this church had a Legion of Mary (which is an organization that empowers lay ministers to go out in pairs and "wash the feet" of the saints by doing the hard and dirty work--service and prayer--- because Mary has promised to guide them to Jesus by imploring them to pray and love God and love others.It's like, Mary's Army. These are the people who C Peter Wagner's intercession team pray against directly-- they are an army of warriors doing battle WITH the Queen of Heaven. It's all very interesting to me.) I was psyched. Since Medjugorje, I've wanted to get involved with the group. The Legion of Mary reps there gave Wayne a miraculous medal, which he wore immediately (I was surprised!) and they promised to come to our house to pray a rosary with us.... wonderful. I've been praying the rosary every day at 5 pm in the winter, 6 pm in the summer, Medjugorje time, along with the church there, in preparation for the apparitions. They also had a table representing the Immaculate Conception Soldality, an organization of Catholic women who promote the Christian faith by (and I quote) "doing whatever Mary tells them to do." I remember a day when this would have made me SHUDDER, and when Wayne and I would have left in a huff.
But instead, we looked at the statue of the Blessed Mother sitting at this display and my eyes filled with tears of gratefulness because she has brought me where she promised she would-- into a deeper, more meaningful relationship with her Son, Jesus, who's grace for us is just astounding.
"Doing what Mary tells them to do," as they outlined on their brochure, involved: worshipping Jesus, going to church and receiving communion, praying daily, reading the scriptures, serving others, and sharing the gospel. Oh nooooez!! The scary Mary people!! :P
To top it off, those women were the ones who cooked us the fabulous dinner. It was very nice.

Anyways, we learned all about the different things involved, and what we liked about it was that it was very much a prayer service... we sang and worshipped the Lord, we prayed (a lot!) and we were lectured to about how the church is made of living stones and that we needed to be a PART of the community for it to work. We also had to get up in front of everyone and introduce ourselves, which took forever but was very good for all of us. And at the end, we received a very Jewish blessing. It was cool, and very different from what we had expected. The only other place we had a "new members evening" was at Manna, where we were catered a DELICIOUS meal by a hot restaurant in town and then the pastors, one by one, introduced themselves on stage. We appreciated so much that this was a prayer service more than just a meet and greet-- and that it asked us IMMEDIATELY to step up to the challenge of WALKING our talk rather than just being spectators who are wined and dined. And I admit, I really liked that it wasn't catered by a fancy restaurant. I liked that I was given a humble meal so that this church could use the funds it would have spent on catering in a different way... to help someone more unfortunate than me.

The other hilarious moment came at the beginning when we were getting drinks. Wayne goes to the table and says: "Oh my gosh. They are serving BEER!!! Is that for us????" He couldn't believe they would serve alcohol at a church event! I laughed, telling him that most Catholics I knew came from Irish, Italian, or Hispanic backgrounds and didn't think of Alcohol in the same way his southern baptist mentors always had. He was pleased and had a Heineken and poured me a glass of Cab, and even pulled out my chair for me!! He has been such a gentleman lately!

Anyways, then came the icing on the cake. We have an appt on Saturday after Confession to speak with Father Tony, the priest who baptized our kids. Wayne has lots of meaty theological stuff he wants to go over. I didn't know him and wasn't sure if he was going to be "Adequate" for Wayne's apologetics-infused mindset.... but I was surprised when he came up to us and sat down. "So are we going to hang out on Saturday?" he said as he stuck out his hand. Wayne and he started to chat and before I knew it I had tears in my eyes. It was totally the Lord.... this man is COMPLETELY in love with SCRIPTURE. He is a master at Catholic apologetics, but at the same time he feels strongly that we are ALL one body and that we need to treat non Catholic christians as brothers in the faith. He feels strongly enough about the sacraments (obviously or he wouldn't be a priest) to be FIRM in his "we need them" stance, but not in a divisive kind of a way. He knew his Bible like the back of his hand, and had an obvious, deep, and lasting passion for the Word of God. He recommended some incredible reading for Wayne to start with, especially a CS Lewis book in which his first sentence reveals that he believes STRONGLY in purgatory! (how did I miss that??) and he really couldn't wait to get to the meat of the conversation. We talked animatedly for so long that we almost missed dinner... and he went out of his way to make a separate appt with me for confession on Saturday to walk me THROUGH the sacrament, which is so helpful to me! He also gave us his personal cell number and told us that we could use it ANY time we needed, day or night, no matter how small the issue, because he really wanted to be available to us! Lastly, he told us how amazed he was that our first time at St Patrick's was the day our kids were baptized. "In a way, I"m relieved," he said, " You looked so happy and I was really feeling terrible because I had no idea who you were. I wanted to know you first!" It was a very welcome change to feel like when we contact our pastors for help with a theological question or what not, we are not bothering a busy business man! I can't tell you how refreshing it was! We left with a renewed sense of awe at God's goodness.

Upon returning home, I had an email in my inbox from Pastor Fletcher, answering my request to explain how he felt about the events at Medjugorje. It was very brief. It said: Barbie, I agree with C Peter Wagner on this one. I am not as passionate about it as he is, but I definitely think he is on track. (meaning that the apparitions of Mary are demonic attemtps to steer people away from Jesus Christ, that the Queen of Heaven is THE most powerful principality, that WW1 memorials are her shrines and that the Sons of Europe were sacrifices to her, etc. etc.)
Upon reading it, Wayne goes: "Well, that settles it." I giggled. We should be able to hash these things out with our pastors. They should take the time to thoroughly explain them to us. Michael is the busy head of a mega church, and can't do that for us, but I would expect to have received an email from our district pastor saying: Michael forwarded me your email and asked me to explain why we think it's dangerous to believe in Medjugorje," or what not. Instead, we had a letter in the mail from our district pastor saying: "Hi! I'm your district pastor. It's very important to me to know how you are doing spritually. Are you involved in a cell group here? Is there anything I can do for you?" As if we didn't consider him a friend and he had no idea who we were. It was so refreshing to know that tonight, God had placed us in the hands of someone whose entire heart was to help us, with no distractions, get the most out of our relationship with God. Someone who wanted "to be available to us at any time! Even if it's two a.m and you are just having an argument."
In the same pile of mail was a present from a "Friend of Medjugorje" addressed to me: in it were two rosaries with medals that had been present at a 2007 apparition during which Mary had blessed all the people and religious articles present. I can't believe what a blessing it is to own a rosary that was blessed by the Mother of Our Lord. It was the perfect end to the perfect night.