Lessons in a life of prayer

I promised the other day that I would write a little bit about some further insights I have gained through the practice of complete modesty in dress.

The first thing is that because I am a Christian and not a Muslim, the purpose of my headcovering is Obedience to God and a demonstration that I am submitted to the proper authority. It is NOT out of modesty. Thus I am commanded to cover when I pray or prophesy in 1 Corinthians 11 as a sign to the angels, and later in 1 Timothy to pray without ceasing.
Where a muslim woman who spent as much time at home as I do (and many of them do) might spend all that time UNcovered, I am not technically supposed to. That being said, I find that going uncovered at home and putting on a veil when I am CONSCIOUSLY about to stop and pray has been a practice that increased the "gravity" of the moment when I actually stop and turn to God. Because of that I am basically NOT covering at home unless I am stopping to pray. More on that in a moment.

Modesty is not something that comes naturally to me. I'm not very "aware" of my latent sensuality and I'll be honest, since having my children I am certainly no longer the sexy young thang that I used to be, so I don't totally see the "necessity" of it in my current state. I grew up on the beaches of southern France and south California and we certainly didn't wear much either place. I no longer really struggle much with lust or inappropriate sexual behavior, so it's just kind of a non-issue. UNTIL I stop and think about others. That's when it becomes crystal clear that we SHOULD pay attention to what we do/wear. That modesty is more than just "covering up..." because I can tell you that you can cover from head to toe, but if your HEART isn't modest, it shows RIGHT through your clothes.
Muslim women have a practice of not looking non-related men in the eye. What an incredible testament to their commitment to chastity! Would that we would similarly be so concerned.

It is hard for me, each day, to step outside covered. I don't mind covering my hair-- I actually love that part, but to cover the rest of me makes me very uncomfortable.
Well, let me explain that better. The ACTUAL comfort level of my body is much improved. I am free to move whichever way I choose without giving it much thought, and if I am smart about it, it's actually easier to stay cool on hot days and warm on cold days. It is a HUGE blessing to me never to have to tug at a creeping shirt again, or to worry about pulling clothes any direction to cover my post-baby body or my milk factory. Jeans have ALWAYS fallen right off me (I have no butt) so I find that wearing Hijab (and I actually have been wearing an Abaya or overgarment) is SUPER comfy... I don't have to stress out about pulling my pants up every time I stand, etc.
On the other hand, it takes some serious guts to go out with nothing hanging out. I have to tell you, EVEN WITHOUT THE HEADCOVERING people stare, stare, stare at you if you are wearing a long dress that goes down to your wrists and ankles.
This makes me nervous and also makes me feel like I'm not pretty, which of course is simply not true. I am obviously a victim of my culture because to leave the house THIS covered up makes me feel like I look ugly.
Many of you will ask... why do it, then? The answer is that it seems clear to me from my response that I attach too much importance to fashion and the way I look. The reality is that I am happily married to a man who thinks I am beautiful, and that I am a busy mother to three young children. I have no need to be "fashionable" other than to "make myself feel good..." and the truth is that in doing the opposite of what I "desire" to do I am able to emotionally detach from that very need and instead cleave to God, which is spiritual advancement.
I waste a great deal of time feeling "bad" because I can't make myself look as pretty as I would like-- (no time for curling hair etc.) Even when I DO get the time, I am still unsatisfied with my appearance. This is not conducive to putting me at peace. Modest dressing, however, does.

St John of the Cross, a Carmelite Doctor of the Church advised us that it would bear great spiritual fruit to do the opposite of what we desire to do. Want to put two lumps of sugar in your coffee? Choose none. Tempted to watch TV? Pray instead. Want to kick your feet up? Do some dishes. Enjoy dressing up and wearing lots of accessories, etc? Wear Hijab.
This negation, when it isn't rooted in a weird, legalistic place ends up satisfying us with a more pure satisfaction, because we are constantly trying to find pleasure and enjoyment in the creation, but what we REALLY earnestly desire is the CreatOR. These practices help us to find all we need in Him. Is it extreme? Totally. But I serve an extreme God, who was willing to DIE on the cross for my sins. It isn't too much for me to do something like this to draw closer to Him, to be able to hear Him more clearly and contemplate His presence here with me.

Which brings me to the second point I wanted to make, and this one relates to a lesson I've learned in prayer combined with the practice of wearing modest clothing.
As I said before, about a month before my husband approached me about wearing a headcovering, I had REALLY been struggling with my faith in Vatican II as a "legitimate" council. I'll be honest-- I still am and really always have been. So one of the things that kept coming up on my radar and sort of "bleeping" at me was this question of the new Catechism saying that Muslims and Catholics serve the same God. As a former evangelical who FIRMLY believes that Allah is not the same God as the God of the Bible, I have major issues with this statement as it is written in the Catechism.
Any Catholic should-- it is totally inconsistent with what we know about Christianity and what we know about Islam. (Islam, for example, denies the Holy Trinity -- big no, no if you're a Christian-- and also denies the whole point of Christianity, which is that Jesus Christ, who was fully God and fully man, died on the cross for our sins.) How can this be the same God? For me, this is a blaring inconsistency added by Vatican II that makes me shudder... and wonder if those SSPXers aren't right after all. Still, to keep the faith, despite the turmoil within... for the gates of hell shall not prevail....

But I digress. As I attempt to reconcile what I am sure I concretely "know" as truth
to what, I will freely admit were some very icky feelings I had begun to harbor towards muslims because of 9-11,and the last few years of religious debate going on in internet-land, and having decided to believe John of the Cross who says "Where there is no love, put love, and there you will find love," (Amen!) I committed to doing something which I have never done before. I chose a "people group" as we say in Evangelical-land that I wanted to pray for a better relationship with and an opportunity to minister to, and I began to pray in conjunction with them-- strategically-- for their conversion (which, in Catholic terms means "for them to be drawn into Union with God)

Muslims pray five times a day. When the prayer time rings/calls/alarms, they make wudu, which means that they take care to wash hands, feet and faces. They cover up their hair and bodies. They get out a prayer rug. They orient their bodies towards the east, where the kaaba is. They say their prayers. And then they go back to doing what they were doing (sleep, work, school, watching Tv... whatever.)

This is very similar to what Catholics monastics do, of course. The liturgy of the hours causes me to stop seven times during the day, place myself in the presence of God and say a series of prayers. The difference between me and a muslim woman, though, is profound. Her first call to prayer goes off at around 4 am, as does mine. But hers requires her to get up, change her clothes, her position, etc... whereas I can sit in my bed and say mine.
Meditating on this, I decided that if muslim women were able to dress differently, look different "in the world" and abnegate their personal vanity in order to serve God, and I was going to join them in doing so, then I certainly could join them in making the extra efforts to pray worthily.

What better way to get a feel for the experience of life of muslims, to learn to love them more and better, and to truly understand them, than to do something like this? Likewise, how shameful that Christians, who profess to serve the "True" God and believe it to be so, don't OUT DO Muslims in their pious practices and in their exercise of virtue? How dare we say we believe or that Muslims must be converted if we are not willing to do what they do and more to serve our own God? Christians could learn quite a bit from the fervent love for God which is professed each time a woman goes out in her hijab or each time prayer takes precedent over sleep, food, or other pleasures.
Further, if, as the catechism alleges, we worship the same God, would He not be MORE pleased to see us encouraging each other in our pious practices and in our worship than to see us looking down one upon the other? Surely it is good for us to be blameless in the sight of ALL people. How many Muslims find solace and "truth" in their religion because they look to our churches and see them filled with hypocrites-- with women wearing practically nothing who profess to be believers? How much would this change if Christian women were not so obstinate in their "freedom" to dress as they pleased?

With this in mind, I downloaded an app to my iphone which calls me to prayer at the same time as all of the Muslims in my time zone. When the alarm goes off, I make wudu the only way I know how- I wash my hands, feet, and face... and then bless myself with Holy Water since the whole point of Wudu as I understand it is for purification of the senses. I cover my hair. I get out a prayer rug which I had been given as a gift more than five years ago and never used. And I orient myself towards the nearest Tabernacle. I pray the prayer of the angel at Fatima, a prayer of reparation for blasphemy against the Holy Trinity. And then I pray an act of consecration for the world to the Sacred Heart of Jesus which specifically mentions Islam.
I've been considering learning the Our Father and the Hail Mary and Apostles Creed in Arabic because we are now attending a Maronite Church and these will probably come in handy some day anyways. And while I'm at it, I usually pray the LOH.
The angel at Fatima taught the children to pray in a manner very similar to the way muslims pray, with their faces against the ground. And so I do this--- offering up this sacrifice of praise as an act of reparation but also as a way to unite my prayers to those of muslims everywhere who seek to please the One God who made heaven and earth... in particular for their individual conversions and enlightenment of their understanding of who God is.

It is HARD and inconvenient stopping what I'm doing each day to pray at the appointed times. Unlike the LOH, which has specific guidelines but which gives you a lot of leeway as far as the clock goes, these muslim prayers are to happen at specific times. As a result I am totally amazed at the level of commitment that it takes to actually pray them. This makes me realize the mercy that God has for fervent muslims.
More importantly, it helps me to pray for their spiritual welfare and to stop thinking of them with my "us vs them" mentality, rather seeing them as fellow human beings, worthy of great dignity, earnestly striving for God's truth.

May we Catholics always be a shining beacon of light for Muslim people. Amen.