Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

How reading the Bible changed my life and 10 ways to let it change yours.

The inside of one of the 20 or so Bibles I have around the house. :D
Bible study is a critical part of Catholic life, but the Catholic approach took some time for me as a revert. It wasn't until I studied Carmelite and Maronite spirituality that it really clicked.

I remember as a teenager reading the Sunday gospel readings with the Fransiscan friars at the Mission Santa Barbara during my confirmation prep classes. Propped up against a mossy fountain with only the sounds of birds and running water around us, we'd crack open these thick, red paperback NABs and dig in. I don't remember a single thing we actually studied, but I remember the rhythmic turning of the pages, the reflective silences, and the sweet smell of newsprint.... moments of peace scattered through my busy teenage life.

When I began the first steps of leaving the Church, it was the Bible that spurred me on. I was in a serious relationship with a young Swedish Australian man, and though he wasn't religious himself, I was shocked to discover that his awesome family was--- they were Jehova's Witnesses!

Curious, I began to ask them more and more about what animated their lives. They shared the Bible with me, offering to study it with me and point me in the right direction. I was intrigued on two levels-- first, because I absolutely loved books, and the idea that a book could contain so much practical wisdom and insight that it could keep people entertained for all their lives blew my mind. I was also intrigued because of what I began to read. The central themes of scripture started to resonate in me deeply, and though the idea that I was a sinner didn't completely sink in, I began to feel the first signs of the twinging of my conscience as I read along. Something was shifting.

The Jehova's witnesses didn't know what to do with me. Most people accepted to study the Bible with them because they were looking for answers. I wasn't unhappy, and wasn't feeling like I needed "something more." And I actually didn't think they knew what they were talking about half the time.The little booklets and guides they used as they pored over the scriptures with me were interesting but --I felt-- came to illogical conclusions. My father was a historian. I wasn't buying it. But I thought it was fun. And necessary... stirring something up in me in a deeper, reflective way that I wanted to continue.

I praise God that though I studied with them weekly for more than a year, my "intuition" kept me from swallowing what they were preaching, but at the same time I thank God for their witness and example. Diligently, two by two, they took time out of their lives to meet with me and read the Bible every week. They brought me to the Kingdom Hall and encouraged me in my studies. They provided a beautiful example of what being "set apart" in this world means-- though they were dispersed throughout the world in every normal type of job and activity, they behaved with the kind of upright character and nobility that is seldom found elsewhere. They weren't judgmental, at least, not externally, but they were firm in their beliefs and absolutely unyielding to the spirit of the world that embraced immorality and ugliness. They were a simple, thankful, diligent people, and I enjoyed studying with them very much.

Over the years, they came to understand that I was going no-where with them. Although I had made many positive changes in my life and begun a pursuit of godliness, at least in an external form, it was clear I wasn't going to become a Jehova's Witness. We remained in contact, but they abandoned me to my sinful ways and the closeness we had developed over time became a distance.

My life remained somewhat unchanged, although there was a distinct shift in my thinking. I continued to party, to forge ahead on my own. I kept a Bible on me, though, and a rosary--- artifacts I held onto but hardly understood. Years passed. Inspired by a Christian roommate, I bought a Life Application study bible, and read it from time to time. It sat on my shelf and promised me answers to questions I didn't want to look at.

And on that fateful Christmas Eve when Jesus finally brought me to my knees a repentant sinner for the very first time, I didn't have a Bible in my hands. Just a prayer I lifted high.

But after that night, I ran home, cracked one open, and read with great attention. I could no longer deny that God was real, and that He was intimately involved in my life. I wanted to know Him more. I began to read everything I could get my hands on. I went to daily mass in an old Spanish style Jesuit church downtown near my apartment.

I found myself there with the same crowd each day-- a couple of homeless folks, an old lady, a tired old Jesuit priest and a young man my age who seemed very devout but who lit up a cigarette every time we left the church...something my non-Catholic Christian friends would have balked at. There was quiet there in that huge church, and reflection. Something sacred. But it didn't compare to the sea of faces down at my local Calvary Chapel expectantly looking to me to change.

The women at the Calvary Chapel all had shiny, well groomed hair and wore dresses and sweaters that matched the seasons. They held potlucks and retreats and had casseroles ready to drop off wherever they were needed. They drove mini-vans full of excited, happy teenagers who liked their families and Jesus and they asked me how I was doing and they stopped what they were doing to pray loud with hands on me. Their houses were clean and tidy and full of the world's riches--- big televisions, nice cars, marble kitchens that looked like magazines and boats in the garage, but they had spiritual riches too--- happy families, loving marriages. Open homes that welcomed me and prayed for me. There was an irresistable AMERICAN-ness to them.... though I had grown up wealthy in a European community, there was something different about these people. Everything was shiny and wide-open and unintellectual. There was nothing ancient in their homes or in their hearts, and I was continually confronted by a new-ness I didn't know how to assimilate into. Entertainment and enjoyment was the order of the day, and they were determined. And successful. And spiritual, which I loved.

Like the Jehova's Witnesses, they kept themselves separate from the world in their priorities and thinking. Unlike them, they enjoyed all of the things the world, and seemed to be constantly showered with good luck.
As a general rule, they were greatly concerned with the poor and suffering,  but the spirit of materialism sometimes crept in. Instead of not buying things, they only bought things which came from other Christian companies.  And they often bought a lot of things. Of course, they used these things to enhance their witness in the world, but there were inconsistencies that really bothered me. For example, they abhorred pornography, but were fine with using and selling "toys" to each other in the context of marriage. They were against abortion but ok with birth control pills. Some of it didn't sit right with me, but I really enjoyed their company, and the time we spent together. They had a lot of joy, and a lot of success, and enthusiasm. Just very American. Like I said, it was a different approach.

As I began to study the bible with them, true growth occurred in me. Each Sunday and weeknights in small groups were delivered a talk on a topic that applied to my personal life, and as they led me piece by piece through the Bible, the pages came to life and spilled out in my actions or the things I saw around me.
They offered many different methods for Bible study, all of which seemed helpful. Sometimes we would go book by book through the Bible. Other times we'd stick with themes and topics we found interesting and relevant. It would take our breath away, the clearness of the thing being studied, and we'd all agree and amen, and then pause in reverential silence before breaking into praise and worship and praying for one another. It was beautiful. I started to crave bible study all day long. At work I'd take breaks and scan the pages of my Bible for new truths. At home I'd spend hours holed up reading with some tea and a blanket, my cat batting at my toes. My friends and I would get together and STUDY THE BIBLE instead of going out partying. What??! But we did! And it was amazing.

At this point in time I began to have some issues with truthfulness. I hit a wall in my spiritual growth. At the time, I had a set of Christian friends, and a set of non-Christian friends, and I wasn't about to let go of either. At the same time, they absolutely could not mix--- my non-Christian friends drank, smoked, did drugs, lived promiscuous sexual lifestyles and stayed up late dancing every weekend. Their only plan was to have as much fun as possible.
My Christian friends, on the other hand, NEVER drank, or smoked. They stayed up late hanging out and talking about Jesus, and often seemed kind of.... unrealistic or at least different in their approach to life. I hesitate to use the term "blissfully ignorant," but for many of them who had grown up Christian, there was a naiveté there that I can't discount. They were unbelievably nice. But I couldn't connect with many of them on a deeper level because I felt that they genuinely couldn't understand my struggles or those of my closest friends. In their happy, joyful Christian bubble, they would never know the depths of pain caused by generations of mortal sin, or the tug of a soul who had tasted evil and been confused about its sweetness. I might be wrong.... but that was the impression I got. When I read the Bible with them, I was always mystified because things they took as "givens" were so new to me. The things I read challenged me to my core they casually passed through and moved on with.

It was hard. I felt that I would never be able to connect my real life with the theoretical life I was building in my mind and heart through Bible study. I felt that I would always have to have this double life, where I thought and felt one thing, but did and said another. And what was worse, was that whenever I had brought these Christian friends with me into my "other" life and bared my inner and outer real life to them, they had surpassed me in sinfulness and stupidity by the end of the night and even boggled my mind with their behavior, rather than showing me an example of an integrated life, where faith and reality interact in peace. I became convinced that many, if not most, Christians were hypocrites, and the ones who weren't were simply ignorant of "what was out there." I became depressed.

Enter a family who showed me that Christianity wasn't a theory or a spectacle, but a journey, and a relationship with a living God. With great patience and much prayer, they showed me how to turn every one of my undertakings over to the God who made me, and to take time each day to evaluate my own culpability and my own direction.... to hear from God, and to act on what I was hearing. Little by little, discipled by them, I learned to walk with Jesus, and to turn to His Word for my spiritual food and drink. Somehow, God began to integrate my head and my heart, and to help me TURN from my past life and actually begin to peel the layers of my selfish thought patterns away. I no longer felt I could integrate somehow SIN and RIGHTEOUSNESS, like the time I wanted to work in the porn industry and still be a Christian. (WHAT??! But it's true!)
I now knew I could integrate REALITY and RIGHTEOUSNESS, instead, and turn from sin. I also learned that righteousness didn't mean shackles but true freedom, and that I COULD change without becoming blind, ignorant, naive, or a liar and hypocrite. I learned that God is in the business of transforming and renewing, not repressing and hiding. Behold, he makes all things new!

This changed my life.... and this time, for good.

Weekly as we studied, talked, prayed, and I watched them live, I realized that each of us was born with the ability to come to KNOW God, and to hear Him, when we began to live a disciplined life that put Him first and loved on people, when we expected more from ourselves than we did others, we would come to growth and joy that was unstoppable. I learned that chaos and confusion, in which I had lived the majority of my life, was not the inevitable end. I learned that peace was the plan, and that there was a Shepherd who knew how to get me there.

As the years passed and I continued, as I had finally learned, to study my Bible not for whatever tickled my ears but for what the Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me that day, and to take that Word and apply it to my own life, my life full of sin and stress and sadness and selfishness..... I began to see real growth. Suddenly the things I had been no longer seemed as important as the things I was to become, and the places I had been no longer seemed like home as I pursued my true Home, the heart of God. But then, again, I hit a wall.

I returned to the Catholic Church from whence I had come because of the Bible. My husband and I refused to accept all the teachings of a church that didn't line up with what we read in the Bible, and we meant it. We studied the Bible, the arts, science, history, and the lives of the Saints and we saw clearly that the ancient paths had not swerved or changed. We accepted the heritage which was ours. We came under real apostolic authority. And we learned to tap into the grace available to us in the sacraments-- or mysteries--- infinitely more than just "ordinances."

When we came back to the Church, we experienced one of our greatest challenges. We learned that much like the Israelites of old, the Church was full to the brim of people who had every reason to get it, and who yet, inexplicably, did every stupid thing under the sun. Including worshiping idols of their own making, ignoring the clear voice of their Shepherd, and rejecting the Spirit of God in favor of the Spirit of the world. Those Catholics we DID meet who seemed to grasp the enormity of the blessing they had received by virtue of their belonging to the community of believers, tended to rest on the side of trusting the Church and her tradition (a good thing) but with very little emphasis on personal spirituality. Or worse, they failed to understand the true universality of the Church, preferring their own tradition to others' and looking with disdain across the East/West gulf. They worked and prayed, but always as if it was a job and not a transformation.

For example, they said vocal prayers, but often said things like: "I said an Our Father for him" instead of "hey, let's pray right now." Their kids were a bit wild, and often the mothers ran the home instead of the fathers. In the homes where the fathers did lead the home, they seemed so somber and strict and kept to themselves. We couldn't even get in to observe how it worked. We were very discouraged. And lonely.

On the one hand, we wanted orthodoxy of belief, orthodoxy in liturgy, orthodoxy in structure and action. On the other hand, we wanted people who LOVED THE LORD, who KNEW Him, and who had experienced the baptism in the Holy Spirit and the regeneration that comes with it. On the one hand, we knew without a doubt that God had Himself called us to the Church. On the other hand, we constantly felt ourselves growing depressed over the state of the Church. Years later, we are still mystified every time we read about some ridiculous Catholic scandal that quite frankly shouldn't even BE an issue, as contrary as it is to the faith. The Church is a hospital for sinners.

The place of Bible study in all this has been frustrating. The Bible is a cornerstone of Catholic life. It is critical that we study and live what we learn in the scriptures. The Bible came into the world THROUGH the Church and the Church encourages people everywhere to not just read and study it but to pray it every day and let it transform our lives. Jesus Himself has set this standard for us in the Gospels. In theory, we are all about the Bible.

In practice, though, it's very different. I have attended Catholic Bible studies before in my local roman parish and found them lacking... usually touchy feely ("how does this passage make your feel?") in nature, I've been disappointed in the the depth of teaching somehow neglected on the assumption that all Catholics don't really know or understand the Bible. This assumption is ridiculous, as the Catholic faith IS the Bible. On the other hand, it is reasonable--- most cradle Catholics I meet have not made an effort to make scripture a part of their ordinary, daily lives. They have a family bible they take down for special events, but rarely have their own, worn copy of the scriptures. Frequently in Catholic bible studies I hear people say things like... "I'm not sure but doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible that. (insert thing the Bible does NOT say anywhere)" and "I always read that (insert scripture taken totally out of context here)." Whats' worse, the leader has often agreed!!
It is frustrating.

I have led Catholic Bible studies in my own home and in other people's homes. It has been incredibly challenging to find Catholic materials to teach with aside from the Bible that point towards practical life. While study guides that speak of deep theological issues abound, finding a simple women's bible study to use and share, for example, on married life or family life, is really REALLY hard.
Usually we have ended up using an inconspicuous protestant study guide like one of Beth Moore's studies, and we have added in Catholic elements as needed. There are some excellent Catholic Bible study programs out there, but they are often expensive and/or geared towards entire parish use, not small groups like I've grown accustomed to.

On the positive side of this is the fact that this points to the Church's universality and discipline: the Church says that (a) there is no one "right way" to do practical life so long as we are within certain guidelines (order in the home, etc.) and thus we have no need of specially written Bible study materials to pass out universally.  The Church provides the guidelines in encyclicals (teachings on doctrine), so when we read them regularly and daily read passages from the Bible, we have *all we need.* And the Lord himself places people in our lives to serve as examples and to give us ideas. And this is true! So we are expected to do this on our own, and especially.... in our families. Again, this is right and good.

And (b)  we are expected to grow, to immerse ourselves in the Word, and to make it a part of our lives, but we are NOT expected to idolize our personal Bible reading times, which can be so enjoyable that sometimes we want to do nothing else. :) I like this too--- when I was a protestant I spent more time each day sitting with a bible and a notebook than I have ever been able to as a Catholic. And don't get me started on the "quiet time" pressure cooker for married women.

So I sat with my bible much more as a protestant.... but the reason for this is that as a Catholic I am daily being sustained by my portion of the Word and spending myself in good works--- something I don't "like" as much in the sense of enjoyment, but that I think is good and right.

Reflecting on this, I can remember over and over again as a protestant witnessing people who needed to take action (find a job, go to work, love their kids better, forgive a spouse or parent, etc.) and who instead spent HOURS daily in "prayer and study," "waiting to hear from the Lord," and driving the people around them bonkers in the process.
I've done it too. It's called looking for a way out of what we must do.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for a retreat, but usually the midst of a crisis aint that time. And in a culture where the Bible is the ONLY place to turn, and a book we read, it's all too easy to get sucked into this way of thinking. In the Catholic Church, the Bible is the Word of God. And revered as such. But there is more--- Scripture, Tradition, and Magisterium (or apostolic authority) together form a balanced approach to life that helps us to stay the course without getting selfish or side-tracked. There are sacraments, mysteries too. We are married, and the grace that flows from that is something that speaks to us of what we must do. Don't need a Bible for that--- it's a given. We are baptized. We are to confess. We are to meet the King in the Eucharist. Again, these are givens, and they help us to pick ourselves up and move forward when we might be tempted to hide ourselves in the comforting words of scripture. Because faith without works is dead-- because talking without action is just that..... talking. And works have a price.

So eventually, though that HUNGER for God's Word never abated in me, I learned to be satisfied with my portion, and to put it to good use, which caused infinitely more growth in me than I had had when I spent hours each day with my nose in my Bible, but totally ignored all the hard stuff around me I needed to do.

When I discovered the Carmelites, I was in so much need of a way to balance those two things out. I wanted the use of intellect that Catholicism had brought to our lives, but I also wanted the profound trust in God and relationship with Him that my Charismatic friends had. And I wanted to be surrounded by people who got that. The Carmelite tradition is deeply spiritual, but it is also profoundly biblical, and it was at the foot of Mt Carmel that I found this peaceful balance between letting God speak to me in quiet and remaining in the presence of God in the noise of the world. Of course, God never lets me stay put when I get comfortable, and He took me from the Carmelites as soon as I felt at home.

Interestingly enough, he placed me securely in the arms of another, very similar spirituality, also called the "Faith of the Mountain" by it's people. I followed my husband to our Catholic church home, a tiny Maronite parish where we are one of the only young families. And yet--- I love it here.

Like Carmelites, the emphasis in Maronite spirituality is intensely biblical and often relies on a clear vision of the Old Testament and Hebrew tradition interpreted through the New. Like Carmelites, Maronites emphasize silence but recognize the Presence in the midst of the world. Monastics in the midst of the world, they know a balance between "retreat" and "pour out," and their interaction with sacred scripture is life-giving and unselfish, both transformative and functional. Did I mention that I love it here?

I still read my Bible every day. I read it alone, and I read it with my kids, and I read it with my husband. I rarely read it with my friends, but we talk about it!

I take great joy in listening to the sounds of my children practicing verses they have memorized, or sharing a Bible story with their father in the back room as I do the dishes. I enjoy praying scripture over my children as they sleep and at the Shabbat table, and over my friends as they sit on my couch pouring out frustrations and joys. It still animates every part of my day. And I do miss the days when I had nothing better to do than to read, read, read the Bible. But I'm glad that now my life is about doing and not just hearing. That's in the Bible, too. ;)

Below is our family's bible reading and prayer routine. If you don't have one yourself, I encourage you to get one started.

1. Personal Bible reading.
We get up in the morning and each read the Bible on our own. My kids are young, so they might just thumb through a picture Bible, but I have a set schedule: I read a daily devotional from the lives of the saints, and then I read the day's readings and journal them using the SOAP (scripture, observation, application, prayer) method. I find that it is the perfect balance between Lectio Divina and Inductive Bible Study.

2. Family liturgy of the hours.
We stop all activity in the house during the traditional hours and pray the psalms.

3. Family Catechism in the morning and Family Bible reading at night.
These both involve USING the Bible, but also involve lots of discussion and sharing and praying. We also memorize scripture together during these times.

4. Topical Bible study during the week as needed.
Sometimes someone in our family has an issue or needs to make a decision, and we study what the Word of God has to say about it to help us make a right decision.

5. Praying scripture.
We often pray for ourselves, each other, and our guests or friends and family using words we pull directly from scripture. We have these on a calendar we use to help us pray.

6. Encouraging notes.
When we write each other reminders, little notes, or cards we use Bible passages to emphasize what we want to say.

7. Meditation.
Whether we are praying the rosary alone or together, or practicing lectio divina or some other type of scriptural meditation (like doing dishes! Haha) we use scripture to animate our thoughts.

8. Torah and Gospel study.
On Saturdays we study the Old Testament and Sundays the Gospel reading for the week both individually and as a family, often listening to talks by others or reading sermons to each other. Charlotte Mason gathered everyone together on Sundays to discuss the Gospel readings. We think it's a wonderful practice, and even more so when it's done with family members, friends and guests, or neighbors and community members!

9. Games.
We sometimes play Bible games or scavenger hunts to sharpen our bible knowledge skills.

10. Blessings, proclamations, war and Word baths.
When my husband and children go out from our home, and when they come in, I have made it my practice to wash the world off them using the Word of God. I pray -- over my husband's work uniform and vehicle, and as he goes out and when he comes in, and do the same for my children. We also make it a practice to bless each other with scripture before bed and on special occasions like birthdays and our feast day meals. Often times, when we feel led to really incorporate a scripture, we will make a proclamation of God's truth by just speaking it out loud into the house or room. We also use scripture in spiritual warfare-- when someone speaks something we know isn't a godly way of thinking, we speak the opposite scripture over our selves and family members. We don't do this out of superstition but to remind US of who is King, and to immediately submit whatever part of us might be slipping back into agreement with God's Word.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Song of Saul Before His Last Battle


WARRIORS and chiefs! should the shaft or the sword
Pierce me in leading the host of the Lord,
Heed not the corse, though a king’s in your path:
Bury your steel in the bosoms of Gath!

Thou who art bearing my buckler and bow,
Should the soldiers of Saul look away from the foe,
Stretch me that moment in blood at thy feet!
Mine be the doom which they dared not to meet.

Farewell to others, but never we part,
Heir to my royalty, son of my heart!
Bright is the diadem, boundless the sway,
Or kingly the death, which awaits us to-day!

-- Lord Byron (1788-1824)

On teaching Catechism


Charlotte Mason taught Catechism.

Lately I've been reading a lot from CM enthusiasts about just how to do that. Because CM families come from far and wide across all denominational lines, there are many ways people have implemented her ideas without a formal catechism, but as a lifelong member of the Church of England, Charlotte read, memorized, taught, and understood much of what she grasped from a formal Catechism in question-and-answer format as well as regular Bible reading, just like a Catholic.

And although her theology may have been lacking from a Catholic perspective, her concern was not with the lofty debates of doctrine, but with being good, and doing good.
From her profound faith and her study of philosophy she came to believe that parents should welcome children and educate them, that families formed society, that knowledge of God was the ultimate end, and that a method was needed to enable all people to understand these things clearly.

Although I have often read of atheist families teaching using the Charlotte Mason method, I have been surprised by it--- put simply, Charlotte's inner Christian life and her study of philosophy clearly formed all her ideas about education.

Obviously, we can see that she "pointed towards God" in all her subjects... science, math, literature, etc. And we've often examined how she did that. We also know that she regularly taught Bible lessons.

The tradition of Catechesis is no light matter--- in Catholic circles we know all about the importance of the task. However, in most Catholic families, even homeschooled families, Catechesis is a formal task taken on on Sunday mornings in a religious education class by a trained professional, and often happens rather incidentally at home.

So how did Charlotte, who desired to empower families to teach their own children, formally teach Catechism?

It began in the earliest stages with the telling of stories-- as naturally as possible and in all settings the child would encounter on a regular basis.

While, wondering in amazement at the order of numbers in an arithmetic class. While walking during nature study---

A mother knows how to speak of God as she would of an absent father with all the evidences of his care and love about her and his children. She knows how to make a child's heart beat high in joy and thankfulness as she thrills him with the thought, 'my Father made them all,' while his eye delights in flowery meadow, great tree, flowing river.
These little talks should be quite natural, but they prepare the mind for the seed which will be sown in formal catechesis. Nature Study is the perfect time to do this, but for me, one of the best times has been early in the morning, when we first wake up. I like to spend that time outside on the deck, with the birds, and read my Bible quietly. Sometimes my children join me, and have many questions about what they see and hear!

Naturally, Charlotte used memory work/explanations from the formal catechism. But she also used her own favorite method of presenting the children with living ideas and first-hand accounts of events in the life of Christ and the Church.

In my endeavor to imitate her method, I use both a formal catechism and living books-- chief among them biographies of the saints throughout time and excellently written stories which provide careful lessons about virtue.

Charlotte placed chief importance on the study of the Gospels-- something which many protestant traditions often miss out on in practice, emphasizing the epistles and St Paul's teachings on "righteous living" over the Life of Our Lord.

For Catholics, this is a no-brainer.... the Gospels are the core of our daily meditations.
I should like to urge the importance of what may be called a poetic presentation of the life and teaching of Our Lord. The young reader should experience in this study a curious and delightful sense of harmonious development, the rounding out of each incident, of the progressive unfolding which characterises Our Lord's teaching; and, let me say here, the custom of narration lends itself surprisingly to this sort of poetic insight

.
In her PNEU schools, the children alternated between studying the Old Testament and the New. This technique is very efficient to keep reading interesting and to help make connections. As Catholics, we are fortunate to have daily readings in a lectionary-- one from the Old Testament, one from the Psalms, and one from the Gospels. On Sundays, we often have a reading from the epistles as well.

This tradition was continued when the Church of England was formed, so Charlotte also had this "food" for meditation daily. No need to re-invent the wheel, a natural or formal study of these daily readings as depends on the ages of the children puts us in touch with the life of the Church, the community of believers, and with God's Word daily. This is the work of Catechesis!

Two techniques for studying  these might be used: the first is Lectio Divina, which I have blogged about before here, and the second is narration and discussion.

Charlotte explained her ideas about teaching "the things of God" quite clearly here in Volume I:

The Times and the Manner of Religious Instruction.––The next considerations that will press upon the mother are of the times, and the manner, of this teaching in the things of God. It is better that these teachings be rare and precious, than too frequent and slighty valued; better not at all, than that the child should be surfeited with the mere sight of spiritual food, rudely served. At the same time, he must be built up in the faith, and his lessons must be regular and progressive; and here everything depends upon the tact of the mother. Spiritual teaching, like the wafted odour of flowers, should depend on which way the wind blows. Every now and then there occurs a holy moment, felt to be holy by mother and child, when the two are together––that is the moment for some deeply felt and softly spoken word about God, such as the occasion gives rise to. Few words need be said, no exhortation at all; just the flash of conviction from the soul of the mother to the soul of the child. Is 'Our Father' the thought thus laid upon the child's soul? there will be, perhaps, no more than a sympathetic meeting of eyes hereafter, between mother and child, over thousand showings forth of 'Our Father's' love; but the idea is growing, becoming part of the child's spiritual life. This is all: no routine of spiritual teaching; a dread of many words, which are apt to smother the fire of the sacred life; much self-restraint shown in the allowing of seeming opportunities to pass; and all the time, earnest purpose of heart, and a definite scheme for the building up of the child in the faith. It need not be added that, to make another use of our Lord's words, "this kind cometh forth only by prayer." It is as the mother gets wisdom liberally from above, that she will be enabled for this divine task.
A practical example of how to do that might be to consider that you yourself should study the daily readings and the week's catechism lesson ahead of time and be in prayer about ways to instill that information to your children in a natural manner, simply incorporating them in your own wonder and awe as these things become concrete in your life.

Still too vague? I know what you mean. It took me a long time to find a method that followed these principles but also followed a schedule. So here's what I came up with.

Following breakfast and morning prayer, and before chores, exercise, etc, we gather for a Catechism class that lasts about fifteen minutes.
On Mondays, each of my children studies their own level of a formal Catechism lesson (we use the Our Holy Faith series.) They read the lesson, narrate, and we discuss. It's very simple.
On Tuesdays, we all together read from a living book that elaborates on a habit/virtue we are studying and trying to implement.
Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays we read from a living book that tells the story of an event in salvation history or the life of a saint.
On Fridays, we do a simple picture study-- only we study a work of sacred art.

To further simplify our lives, these selections are usually not random but come from our history curriculum, which is thoroughly Catholic and uses living books as a foundation. That way I don't have to teach history later in the day. ;)

In addition, we have a five minute period of recitation each day where we recite together scripture memory verses and catechism questions we are learning and have learned.

Because prayer is the foundation of a relationship with God and therefore effective Catechesis, we observe a family morning prayer time and a family evening prayer time. (We use  prayer from the liturgy of the hours... the official hourly prayer of the church in which we chant the psalms.)

Because Charlotte taught hymns, understanding the profound relationship between sacred music and the learning of sacred things, we learn a hymn together and sing it during our prayer times, memorizing approximately one per month.

As a Catholic family, we also have the benefit of being able to take our children to liturgy often. We don't go every day, but we go often enough either to mass or simply for a quiet holy hour together that my children gain the benefit of regular time spent in God's concrete presence.

In the evenings, usually after dinner, we study the Bible. At this stage, I more often TELL a Bible story than read one, but from time to time I read from a big, beautiful Bible in King James English. Either way, they remain mystified and engaged... asking questions til late in the night, forming their playtimes on Bible stories that rouse their imaginations in the day.

What has amazed me about doing all this is that it knocks out many of the CM "subjects" I want to incorporate: picture study. hymn study. bible. catechism. history with living books. nature study.
This is how our family has begun the difficult and rewarding work of Catechesis, using Charlotte's ideas about the divine life of the child.

Monday, April 29, 2013

The Jesuit Educational Standard, Calvinism and Charlotte Mason... oh my!


I have recently been studying the foundations of what is called the Jesuit Education, as per the Ratio Studiorum.
Throughout history Jesuits have been famous for their educational contributions to the world. They perfected the art of the Classical Education, and like Charlotte Mason rigorously fought against the mind-numbing fact-imbibing techniques of the day.

I came to study it for two reasons. (a) My husband and I are interested in securing a 100 % Catholic education for our children, drawing from the ancients-- not because we are worried that they will stray from the faith if we don't, but because we know and understand  that the ancients were able to do one thing that is sorely lacking in our modern world: they were able to think.
(b) I am particularly interested in what ways the history of Catholic education affected the ideas of Charlotte's that we deem particularly brilliant. For example, how heavily she was influenced by this idea that children are born persons, a Catholic theological point that, if it were truly understood, would serve as a dissolving agent for the prevalent culture of death all around us.

I also find studying the history of the Classical Liberal Arts education very beneficial for putting Charlotte's ideas into context.

In this case, for example,  I was looking for information about how to DO our short periods of recitation in various subjects (math facts, latin, grammar) in the method Charlotte would have been most accustomed to. I knew that she had her students do recitations. I didn't know what they looked like.

Below is a simple breakdown of the Ignatian method.

The foundation of the Ignatian Method is based on the Spiritual Exercises and the Ratio Studiorum of St. Ignatius of Loyola and seeks:

  • To focus on formation, not information
  • To have the goal of leading the student to the knowledge and love of God
  • To help the teacher/parent train the student's memory, understanding and will
  • To train the student to speak, write and act well
  • To do all things Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam, for the greater glory of God
Ignatian education is education with a purpose in mind beyond simply filling heads with data. A proper education should:
  • Form children into adults capable of being leaders and effective agents for Christ in the world
  • Fashion in the student an intelligent obedience to all duly-constituted authority
  • Develop in the student a respect for the contributions of the past
  • Create competency in the arts of expression
  • Instill in the student the habit of orderly thinking, trained by a thorough grounding in the basics and expanded in a literature-based curriculum

How does this work? The three tools of Ignatian education are:
  • Self-activity: forms the habit of independent study and interest in scholarly pursuits
  • Mastery: tackling progressively more difficult material through learning, repetition, and memorization builds confidence and motivation to keep learning
  • Formation: emphasizes development of the whole person--mind, body and soul--to help the student learn to make wise choices in line with the will of God
(I got this simplified outline from Kolbe Academy - a Catholic classical homeschool curriculum provider that teaches using the Ignatian Method.)

Those of you familiar with Charlotte's Methods will no doubt see so many correlations between her ideas and the traditional Jesuit Education-- a true "Catholic classical education!"
Unlike the Puritan "classical"education, which aims to indoctrinate in order to arrive at truth, the Catholic education seeks to teach ordered thinking and the use of reason to arrive at truth.

I've been thinking about the importance of this a great deal as my family undergoes a very..... a very us kind of trial. My husband and his brother are having a disagreement, because his brother has suddenly become heavily influenced by Calvinist theology, and as such is suddenly rather anti-Catholic. This causes rifts and wounds in our relationships, which is unfortunate. I am confident in the power of Christ to overcome these demonic rifts and bouts of strife, but in the meantime I have also been fascinated as I watched the different ways with which they "make their case."
My brother-in-law's method of argument is to provide walls of scripture. He is a scripture hammer-- for each question that arises he provides ten-twelve different scriptures pulled from various parts of the Bible as "proof texts." There is no real method of interpretation, he simply gives us passages that he has been handed as "proof" of Calvinist/Reformed theology, regardless of the context, or seemingly opposing scriptures that exist elsewhere in the Bible. This is what I call the Puritan Hammer method of debate. I personally feel it's a method reminiscent of a toddler plugging his ears with his fingers and sticking out his tongue.... "Neiner, neiner! itissobecauseisaythebiblesayssoandihavetheholyspirit!" And I'm ashamed to say it's a method I've used many times in the past. :/

My husband's method, on the other hand, is to appeal to his brother's reason and ability to think. "Let's first determine who has the authority to interpret scripture," he argues, and "let's look at how these two scriptures could appear to disagree on the issue, one pointing to predestination and one pointing to free will."

In the car yesterday, on our way home from Church, my husband began to discuss the Catechism with our children. Rather than tell them: "Children, we believe this. Say it with me!" He posed them a question:
"Children," he asked. "Do you believe it's possible that God may have created someone to send them to hell?" "Nooooooooooooo!" They shouted gleefully. "Why not?" He asked them. And they began to reason together.... my kids giving answers and my husband asking questions. Only at the very end did he say: "Very good, children, that is truth. God both predestines us and knows all things AND gives us free will to freely choose Him. "

Honor your childrens' personhood by giving them the ability to think. But guide them in logical thinking, and provide them with ample examples of truth-in-action. This is the Catholic way.

There is no hard proof anywhere I've seen that says CM was influenced by these ideas, but she was no doubt very familiar with them.
Other innovative Catholic educators who were her contemporaries certainly took these ideas into consideration (Maria Montessori among them)-- with CM delivering further, clear instruction as to how to give a truly Classical Liberal Arts Education to a child who is born a person.

Certainly the goals and methods appear to have very much in common.
Both methods teach that formation of the whole person is to be prefered over the fine-tuning of just one aspect of the mind, both methods use self-teaching (vs teachers "telling") and allowing the student to grapple with the ideas themselves. Both methods emphasize mastery over covering a lot of ground. Both methods involve re-telling, and competing with oneself to enjoy the satisfaction of learning well-done. Both methods emphasize using the best possible literature (the "classics") as the foundation for all knowledge and understanding. Both methods had for their chief aim: the knowledge and love of God.

As I grow in my understanding of Charlotte's methods, it has been tremendously beneficial for me to dig into the long and sacred tradition of Catholic education, and to understand that these tried-and-true methods really formed Charlotte's ideas about education, which stemmed from her faith in God and understanding of his nature.

Catholics who are afraid of using Charlotte Mason because she "wasn't Catholic" should be studying her work. They might be surprised to find just how Catholic she actually was!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Finding the ever-elusive quiet time to grow






I've gone through so many phases in my search for the elusive quiet time.

As the spring / summer season gets into high gear, I'm able to get outside again which is hands-down my favorite way to go. I get up early, set the baby monitor on the deck, and sit outside bonding with birds and squirrels and the occasional cat while spending some quality time with God. I like these mornings so much I could let them go all day, but alas, the little, noisy ones are often the ones who wake up first and my quiet praise is interrupted by gleeful exclamations of: "Carolina wren bird! See? Tea-kettle!!Look, Mommy!!"
Now, don't get me wrong-- I recognize the praise in that. But that doesn't make the interruption less painful.

In the past I've tried it all, from getting up before sunrise to hiding out in the bathroom to forbidding speaking before a certain hour, and everything in between. Nothing seems to work as long as I'd like it to, so my personal devotional time has taken on three qualities.

First, it's fast and condensed.
Second, it's usually outside
Third, it is usually recorded, so that I can go back and remember the whirlwind graces later.

Also, since I'm usually nursing a baby, there are times and seasons. Sometimes all I can do is hold a tiny bible in one hand while I sit on the couch, and other times all I can do is read something on the computer. Or listen while I'm out running. Sometimes all I can do is pray the rosary on my fingers while soothing a fussy baby. Sometimes all I can do is read a ten-second passage or recite a memory verse while I'm scrubbing dishes, and meditate on that.

One has to be flexible and ready to listen for the Holy Spirit wherever He wants to speak. If we make an idol out of our quiet time, God will take it from us. In a sense, motherhood is a great gift, because while it makes quiet time with God next to impossible, it frequently reminds us that too much introspection and self-help is the opposite of what we need. We need to put others first, to walk away from sin, to see Jesus in the weak, the poor, the sick, and the aggravating. This is why when I wake up, the first thing I do is roll out of bed and do a spiritual pushup, exclaiming: "Serviam! (Let us serve!)" just like one of my favorite Saints, Josemaria Escriva. Sometimes, that's ALL I get the entire day. And that's OK.

Developing a habit of regular family prayer has made a huge impact in this area. It feeds my personal quiet time and in turn forms the family prayer time. Should I miss a quiet time it gives me that slow-down-and-pray time in which insight seems to just come.

As a family, we pray daily morning and evening prayer and study the catechism or read saints biographies together. My husband and I pray together at the end of the day on days he is home. And in the evening, we do a family bible study. We also have a weekly prayer group with friends AND a monthly discipleship encounter.

But even with all that, I have found that I REALLY need a personal, one-on-one, quiet time with God. And while I would rather it be a power hour out on the deck with my Bible, even just five minutes in the bathroom has been incredibly helpful.

There are several techniques that have really helped me.

The first is one I usually reserve for times of crisis and deep prayer. Usually it has to do with me having questions--- I want some answers from God. I write down my question, and as the week goes by and I listen for the "still, small voice" I record quickly what I hear. Then I am able to form a picture that is clear in my mind of what God is saying about a particular situation.

For every day, I do a simple Bible devotional-- one on my own, and one with my family, usually led by my husband. I try to encourage my children, as they get older, to make time for personal study too.


The SOAP method goes very well with inductive Bible Study, which is my favorite type of Bible Study. As opposed to deductive Bible Study (when you begin with a subject and work backwards to see where Scripture has something to say about it and what), inductive Bible study takes a passage and lets it speak to you. While I use deductive Bible Study methods when I know it is time to teach on a topic, the rest of the time I use inductive Bible Study in my personal quiet time and practice Lectio Divina with the children, which is basically the same thing.

SOAP includes the following steps:
Scripture
Open with a short prayer, and read a passage in your Bible. Write the verse or verses that stand out to you in your reading in your journal.

Observation
What did you observe about the scripture that struck you? If you're using the inductive method, at this point you would mark your Bible with symbols to visually represent what you are reading. Can you make lists of things you notice or compare? If you are not using the inductive method, simply write in your journal what  you have observed in the passage.

Application
How can you apply the observation so that it affects your life today?

Prayer
Write out a prayer to God based on what you just learned and ask him to help you apply this truth in your life.

Or, for an easier, simpler method, you can try The GOAL method. Every morning sit down and work systematically through your Bible, record the following four things you find in the passage you are reading (I do this when I wake up late or am short on time):

GRASP
Grasp this promise.


 OBEY
Obey this command.


 AVOID
Avoid this sin.


LIVE
 Live this principle.


Later in the day, you can encourage this same thing with your children by using Lectio Divina:

My good friend, a seminarian, wrote these two formats for the use of my homeschooling co-op and we find it very effective.

He says:
A lesson using Lectio Divina might follow one of the following formats:

1) Extended Session (20-45 minutes)
a) Introduction, explanation, and lectio (10-15 minutes)
b) Meditation, students pick a word, phrase, or image and write a meditation (10 -25
minutes)
Afterwards, student can share what they wrote.
c) Contemplation (1-2 minutes, maybe more in some circumstances)
You can have either silence or classical music playing. Students should be
encouraged to “talk with Jesus about what they wrote.” Also, as to avoid distractions,
students should close their eyes.
d) Oratio (1 minute) The teacher can close with a brief spontaneous, vocal prayer and a
formal prayer with the students such as a Glory be, Hail Mary, or other appropriate
prayers.

2) Short session (5-10 minutes, to be used at the beginning or end of class)
a) Read the passage and have students pick a word, phrase or image (1-2 minutes).
b) Ask a couple of students to share what they picked (1-2 minutes)
c) Then a brief silence (1 minute) and then a vocal prayer to end (1 minute).
The short form could be used throughout the day as a focus activity to begin class.

Ultimately, the whole point is to be steeped in the Word, however it comes to you, hearing it clearly through the crazy, bustling rhythm of a busy family life. However it works, however it comes, making time for Him each day has been the only way I've been able to find peace.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Pope's Note to Chief Rabbi of Rome for Feast of Passover


VATICAN CITY, March 25, 2013 (Zenit.org) - Here is a translation of the note that Pope Francis sent to the Chief Rabbi of Rome, Riccardo di Segni, for the feast of Passover, which starts today at sundown.

The Holy Father met Rabbi di Segni on March 20, during his audience with delegations from other Christian confessions and non-Christian religions.

* * *

A few days on from our meeting, and with renewed gratitude for your having desired to honor the celebration of the beginning of my ministry with your presence and that of other distinguished members of the Jewish community, I take great pleasure in extending my warmest best wishes to you and Rome's entire Jewish community on the occasion of the Great Feast of Pesach. May the Almighty, who freed His people from slavery in Egypt to guide them to the Promised Land, continue to deliver you from all evil and to accompany you with His blessing. I ask you to pray for me, as I assure you of my prayers for you, confident that we can deepen [our] ties of mutual esteem and friendship. - FRANCIS

Monday, February 11, 2013

Closer still.

Our Pope has resigned, effective Feb. 28th, and we awoke with heavy hearts.

The Pope who asked us, when he took office, to pray for him, lest he flee for fear of the wolves.

His resignation letter said:
"However, in today’s world, subject to so many rapid changes and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith, in order to govern the bark of Saint Peter and proclaim the Gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months, has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me."

The world is so complex now. We can hardly breathe.

Yesterday, I felt compelled to speak to my friends on facebook as lent began, and to tell them that I am certain beyond all certainty that families are being tested and will continue to experience strong trials to strengthen them for the persecution ahead.
As Lent begins, I feel certain that God is doing a work in the laity and that Satan will try to steal the blessing God has intended for families who are willing to take the challenge. We must pray, and strive for holiness, against all odds. God will meet us here in this darkness and do a beautiful work.

In fact, when we arrived at our parish for mass, already decorated in heavy purple and black, we were quite surprised to find that our priest had something in mind for the families present:  he had us renew our marriage vows!! As we stood and spoke the words, hands clasped, all our children between us, we both cried.
Indeed, our marriage was in need of that strengthening and the renewal of our covenant. We are living in challenging times.

When I regrouped with my husband last night, he shared with me that he felt concerned that something was going to happen to the Holy Father.
He was right. When we awoke this morning, the news was racing through our minds--- what will happen next?

The Prophecy of St Malachy, of course, comes to mind.
Our next pope, according to the Prophecy:

In the extreme persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit... Peter the Roman, who will Nourish the sheep in many tribulations; when they are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people. The end.
What will happen next? No one knows, but we must pray. I, for one, am beyond thankful that when I woke up my husband with tears in my eyes to tell him the news, his response was to gather our whole family together into our bed, a bed which he made for me like Odysseus, tenderly building his own  for Penelope, and to lead us in the rosary, the prayer of prayers.
With our children gathered around us, we prayed the sorrowful mysteries, asking God to make us more like Christ. Christ who suffered the agony in the Garden. Christ who was scourged at the pillar. Christ who was crowned with thorns and mocked. Christ who carried his Cross. Christ who was crucified, but rose again in Glory. May God have mercy on us all.

For those struggling to understand, Scott Hahn's facebook page gives us some insight:

Back on April 29, 2009, Pope Benedict XVI did something rather striking, but which went largely unnoticed.

He stopped off in Aquila, Italy, and visited the tomb of an obscure medieval Pope named St. Celestine V (1215-1296). After a brief prayer, he left his pallium, the symbol of his own episcopal authority as Bishop of Rome, on top of Celestine's tomb!

Fifteen months later, on July 4, 2010, Benedict went out of his way again, this time to visit and pray in the cathedral of Sulmona, near Rome, before the relics of this same saint, Celestine V.

Few people, however, noticed at the time.

Only now, we may be gaining a better understanding of what it meant. These actions were probably more than pious acts. More likely, they were profound and symbolic gestures of a very personal nature, which conveyed a message that a Pope can hardly deliver any other way.

In the year 1294, this man (Fr. Pietro Angelerio), known by all as a devout and holy priest, was elected Pope, somewhat against his will, shortly before his 80th birthday (Ratzinger was 78 when he was elected Pope in 2005). Just five months later, after issuing a formal decree allowing popes to resign (or abdicate, like other rulers), Pope Celestine V exercised that right. And now Pope Benedict XVI has chosen to follow in the footsteps of this venerable model.


For more information about Pope Benedict XVI and what he was doing with the Church during his reign, please read this book.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Thankful for Advent Party 2012

Our first Shabbat of the Advent season.
Hello friends!

Last night was my annual "Thankful for Advent" party. This was the first year I have had a co-host and it was such an enjoyable experience. My dear friend Cherry and I have been in dialogue with God and each other all year over the same issues... namely discipleship, and our theme for this year was "Discipleship in the Family." Our hope was that, taking the Holy Family as their model, our guests would go home and look at advent in a new light- as an opportunity to create structured moments of prayer and traditions that lead to right living and discipleship in the midst of those closest to them. That what they started at Advent would stick all year long.
When Cherry gets a chance to type up the things she discussed, I will post them up here because they were so insightful! I love the joy she brings to everything. Before the party, my husband dropped me off at her home much earlier than she and I had planned. Because of that, I was present while her family had dinner and put up their first Jesse Tree ornament. Though I was nursing the baby in the next room while they ate to give them some privacy, I was so encouraged by the sweet sounds of a family doing just that--- parents teaching their children and training them up to live for the Lord. It was a beautiful blessing to me!

Another thing that greatly encouraged me was the topic. I got to share how one family made such an impact on me and reflect on how to impact my own family in the same way. And I got to use that family's own thoughts and blogs to do it. It was amazing!

So without further ado..... Here are the notes for Thankful  for Advent  2012! PLEASE join us next year if you missed this year.





ADVENT IS: -HOPEFUL EXPECTATION-


Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same
Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations, Through Christ Our Lord, Amen.



1. Advent is waiting. But what are we waiting for?
JESUS to be birthed into the world.
We make a parallel between that and making a home for Him in our hearts.

2. How can we prepare ourselves to meet Him?

+ become holier
+ become more aware of Him
+ become more LIKE Him
_____________________
= PRAY, because we cannot do it alone. We need HIS Help, and He has sent us the Holy Spirit to do just that.
= STUDY, because we need to know how to pray and what to do
= ACT, because God will not move if we do not step out in faith and ACT. In fact, He says in the Word that faith without works is dead.

--Let’s look at those whose hearts WERE prepared to meet Him in the Bible for a minute: The Jews.


--During Advent, we study OT connections that prepare us for the coming of the Messiah
-- traditions like the Jesse Tree and the O Antiphons walk us through salvation history.

(see resource table)

-- I Encourage you to do that year-round as a faith builder
-- Start a havurah or small group if you aren't already in one, where you can study and pray alongside people who share a desire to KNOW God more. This will help motivate you as you learn alongside your family members. Maybe even get several families together!

(see resource table)

-- A Jewish rhythm of life is centered around the liturgical and life cycle.
-- This is the Catholic way and always has been, but the Catholic year centers on the fulfillment of the feasts in Christ.
-- Protestants are observing both more and more.

The Holy Spirit is doing this work to remind people that time is going somewhere… that all this ends one day. Advent is the greater part of a whole….Christmas is not the whole story, we have Easter too.

As Fr. Barron pointed out in the video—waiting is half of it, and ACTING is the other- stepping out in faith. Responding to the tasks He gives us. What tasks do we have?

To start, Jesus himself has given us a GREAT COMMISSION. Let’s read it:

MT 28: 16-20.
16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, to the mountain which Jesus had appointed for them. 17 When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. 18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

So, God calls us to MAKE DISCIPLES, not just EVANGELIZE.

1. According to Scott Hahn’s Catholic Bible Dictionary, a disciple is a student or follower who emulates the example set by a master and seeks to identify with the master’s teachings.
(We can see, of course, that EVERYBODY is learning from someone from our kids responses to our teachings, even when we forget they are watching. Mt 10:24-25)
2. In a Jewish context (the culture of the students of Torah) a Rabbi means a “learned teacher.” A disciple means “his loving student.”
3. In fact, in the OT, the disciples followed the PROPHETS. (Is 8:16)
4. In the NT, John the Baptist had disciples (Mt 14:12, Jn 1:35, 3:25) as did the Pharisees (Mt 22:16, Mk 2:18, Lk 5:33) who called THEMSELVES disciples of Moses (Jn 9:28). There is a culture of discipleship that permeates the Bible. In the NT it most commonly means “a follower of Jesus Christ.”
BUT it can mean ANY follower. (acts 6:1, 9:1, 19, 13:52)
5. More specifically in the NT, it refers to one of the 12 apostles. (Mt 10:2, 28:16-20, Mk 16:14-18, Lk 24:47-49) There are over 250 references to DISCIPLE in the NT, most of which are found in the Gospels and in the book of ACTS.

Being a disciple of Jesus = radically different than any other experience of discipleship known to the Jews at that time. Why?

FIRST-- Most rabbis had followed the course of instruction of another rabbi. Jesus was no ordinary rabbi, because HE HAD NOT!

SECOND-- Rabbis sought permission to teach from Jewish authorities. Jesus did NOT seek it and did not need it! (Mt 13:54, John 7:15)

So: Jesus’ teaching was unprecedented.
(Mt 7:29, Mk 1:22)

ALSO-- His closest disciples did not come to Him for instruction. Instead, they were each PERSONALLY called by Him to a life of discipleship by His own authority!
(Mt. 4:18-22, Mk 1:16-20) (CCC 767, 787)

THIS discipleship was not merely a matter of listening to the teachings and learning wisdom. It was a commitment to a new way of life-- one modeled by Jesus!!

The Characteristics of this new discipleship were twofold:

FIRST- The disciples had to be willing to “take up their cross and follow Jesus.” (Mt 16:24, Mk 8:34, Lk 14:27)
SECOND- The disciples must be willing to LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND (family, friends, posessions) and share in His mission, joy, suffering, and even death for the sake of Jesus.
(Mt 8:19, 10:37, Lk 9:57, 14:26)

If you are a person who has ever gotten serious enough about God, I guarantee you have experienced both of these things.
--Carried your own cross
-- Left things/people behind.
If you have not, I encourage you to ask yourself WHY you haven’t yet? These are signs of our discipleship.

So there are FORMAL applications of discipleship, and there is a place and a time for those, as we have seen, and then there is the radically different experience of being a disciple of JESUS.
We have seen that we must PERSONALLY be discipled by JESUS, and that WE are called to represent Jesus to the world. We are called to BE discipled and TO disciple.

There are two aspects of human life that enable this process: family and community.

God willing, next year we will cover advent discipleship in the community. Today, we are focused on family. This might sound selfish, to start with ourselves, but families are in fact the building blocks of society.

--Consider that God Himself is a family.

Scott Hahn says:

"Earthly households reflect this in various ways but always imperfectly. “The life of the trinity is the central mystery of the Christian faith and life,” says the Catechism in 234. It is the source of all other mysteries of faith, and the light that enlightens them."

I have a personal story of how it enlightened me. Many years ago on Christmas Eve, God saved me by sending me a revelation of His Son. I wasn't looking for anything at the time and it wasn't something I was actively seeking out, but like his own disciples God called me to follow Him despite the fact that I was going along in life thinking everything was fine. Little did I know that everything was NOT fine and that the path I was on lead to death. When I realized that, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I knew that God had called me personally out of the crowd and asked me to give myself to Him in love. Of course, I had no choice but to say: "yes," but my next question was: "how??"

The event that occurred that Christmas eve was clearly one of a supernatural nature. By a series of  completely "random" events, I found myself in the middle of a nondenominational church service even though I had never been to one in my life. By contrast I had been going to Sunday mass and even daily mass, praying the rosary, and observing the Christian life all of my life.I often ask myself why that lightbulb never went off in mass, or during a Catholic retreat. It took me singing the words to a song: "I surrender all," and realizing I didn't mean them. It took an incredible series of events in which people I had never met to my right and to my left and behind me and in front of me, by a power I could not explain outside of "God," began speaking things to me which they could not possibly know-- speaking to me of my innermost hopes, my fears, my dreams. Speaking healing into places no one had ever seen. I came alive that night and I've never been the same since.

So now I knew, without a doubt, that Jesus was real. But next I needed to answer the question: "How now shall I live?"
And the answer to that seemed to be part of the Great Conversation I had had all my life. I was a Catholic-- I needed to go to mass. I needed to go to confession. I needed to pray the rosary. These things seemed obvious to me, and I did them with increasing zeal, but I was literally starving for more. I wanted to know how that internal change could reflect itself in my everyday actions. I often acted one way, and DESIRED to act another way. I was stuck.

Enter a family--- a family many of you have met or heard me talk about-- who was able to answer those questions.

At first, I just attended a bible study for young people in their home. Led by the father, a successful local businessman, I began at this Bible study to learn to do simple things like read my Bible every day, repent when I sinned (I can still see him standing up and giving us a visual image of a sinner-- an archer who had missed the mark) and ask for the baptism in the Holy Spirit. His wife was there serving us and listening to him with great respect, which made an impression on me. Though I had almost never heard her say a word, which was unheard of where I come from, her sweet presence and thoughtful, compassionate demeanor gave her a strength that very few women I had ever met have shared.
Eventually I began to pick up more details about righteous living. I learned to close my mouth instead of open it (I'm still working on that one) when I was going to say something unwise. I learned to fast and to wage spiritual warfare. I learned to look for spiritual gifts and put them to use.
And as I did, I learned the things that this family had learned from other families who had sown into their lives. Over time, I was introduced to this man's daughter, and she -- thank God-- saw through the mess I was and shared her life with me to help me see that God had plans for me. We developed a relationship and she became one of my most treasured friends. To this day, I often want to call and ask her: "what do you think I should about.....(insert random difficult situation here.)"
To her credit, I am always reminded that she would tell me: "well, what does your husband think?" Such a friend is a priceless treasure.

-- I still in my daily life retain their teachings and I still pass them on to my own children and the people I find myself in discipleship or counseling situations with. How many of you have heard of Elisabeth Elliot, Derek Prince or Charles Simpson because of me? How many of you have heard me mention Liza or her father?  I am certain that every person in this room whom I have met have heard these names from me because I have shared again and again how their faithfulness to teach what they themselves had learned had changed my life. But more importantly, how many of you have heard me mention JESUS? If today I can speak to you of our Lord with love and tenderness, it is because long ago these people were faithful to speak to me of God's love and of their journey with Him. These people have become a part of me, and a part of the children I am raising. Through them I have learned to know God myself, and become an active part of Christ's mystical body. So are my children! What a beautiful thing one family can do.

So what exactly did this family do that was so different from what I had experienced in the past?

-- They never once tried to mold me so that I would conform to THEM, but rather to CHRIST in my own circumstances and with my own specific gifts. They asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom in counseling me, and they were receptive to what God told them, even when it meant that I was to do things differently than they had.

-- They were also willing to love me through some serious sin in my life. Because they so clearly mirrored God to me, I often hid from them the truth about what I was doing or thinking because I was afraid they would see me in my sinfulness and not like me! But instead, because they were people of prayer, they seemed to always know my sin even before I realized it WAS sin, and to love me anyways despite it-- gently guiding me towards right living. Even today, years later, when I am struggling in a parenting decision, Liza has reminded me that it is GOD'S KINDESS that leads us to repentance. (Romans 2:4)

--They took their role in discipleship more seriously than any other job they had. First towards each other and then towards the rest of us. This is a biblical pattern I believe is necessary to follow.

-- So that’s the story of how A FAMILY modeled after the HOLY FAMILY turned me towards Jesus and taught me how to live for Him by being disciples themselves.

-- Later on, I reflected about the role of my family in discipleship towards me. My family had always taken me to church each week, made sure I knew how to say certain prayers, that I received the sacraments and that I lived by the liturgical year. But there was NO discipleship in my home, because there was no desire to pass on a personal relationship or personal revelation, or to ensure that I was interacting with a LIVING God. People prayed behind closed doors and did not talk about Jesus as if He were a real part of their lives, but more as if He were a distant and mysterious God. They turned to him in trouble, but rarely in good times. And even then, He was distant, not present among us. It's ironic, looking back, because I was RECEIVING Jesus Christ in the Eucharist at the time--- closer than my breath. But somehow I had boarded a sinking ship... and yet He called me.

Here I am enjoying a Cajun breakfast with Liza years ago
My hope is that my OWN children will have a relationship with us that is more like the relationship that Liza has with her own parents—one of mutual encouragement, discipleship and trust in the Lord Jesus. Together. And because of her, I learned to honor my OWN father and mother, and my husband, and to work to build that in my OWN family. Because we want that for our children, we have had to model it ourselves for them.



In the past at these parties we have talked a great deal about the traditions of advent, and I suspect that’s why many of you are here. Every year, people come because they want to learn new traditions to use during advent!

Those traditions, which we are all becoming more familiar with, are an essential part of the “great preparation.” They help to form hearts and minds and speak a tactile language to the people in our lives. They help us to form a community, and a Church, and they cause us to quiet ourselves and HEAR God.

Tonight, though, we are going to focus on a different aspect: that of DISCIPLESHIP in the home, which happens when the reasons behind those traditions become like little lightbulbs over our children’s heads.
Next year, God willing, we will discuss discipleship in the COMMUNITY, but today we are going to look at the example of the Holy Family—of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

-A note of caution: Be careful not let the personal aspect of discipleship in the family deter you from the traditional aspect. There must be a healthy uniting of these two things: tradition and personal revelation-- within the family in order for the family to thrive, just as we need this in the greater context of the Church. Protestants might be uncomfortable with using the word tradition just as they are with using the word "religion." But the reality is that in tradition there is structure, and in structure-- there is peace.

- These traditions are what transform culture from mundane to HOLY. There is a tendency in some people to reject tradition because people are afraid that it stifles the Holy Spirit. This could not be further from the truth--- in fact, they enable us to quiet OURSELVES, submit to one another, and hear God. Of course, it is possible to MISS the actions of the Holy Spirit because one is so focused on a tradition, and that would be a shame. Ideally, these two aspects are interwoven in a beautiful tapestry of grace.

-- We, the Church, are called and set apart. Like Israel, we are called to live in community, and God came at Christmas to dwell among us to demonstrate that fact. There is nothing “individual” about the Christian life… our sin affects all others just as our peace affects all others. These very traditions which we are building into our lives or which we grew up on are there to bond us one to another in faith, hope, and love. Just as Jews the world over feel a kinship as they light the sabbath lights, so we too as Christians recognize our brothers and sisters in the actions of advent preparation in the home.

-- It was the traditions of the Jewish people that enabled them to SEE and RECOGNIZE Jesus when He came, and of his disciples to SEE and SHARE him after He had gone again. It speaks the language of salvation to all those whom God is calling.

- The story of advent is the story of how ONE family welcomed a child and changed the world.
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INDIVIDUAL OR GROUP ACTIVITY

Advent is separated into FOUR weeks, and each of the weeks has a theme.

FIRST WEEK OF ADVENT: HOPE
THE KEY TO HOPE IS FAITH
Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.




-- Hope is brought to our family through regular prayer and the establishment of a relationship with God.
-- Hope is an attitude of the heart.
-- Hope is built out of our faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.

1. READ LIZA'S BLOG ENTRY:  “WHAT MY FATHER SAYS ABOUT BEING SPIRITUAL” This is about the need for structure AND personal revelation and how they work together to build FAITH.

2. DISCUSS: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BUILD YOUR OWN FAITH? YOUR FAMILY’S FAITH? CAN YOU INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU SPEND PRAYING? PRAY TOGETHER?
HOW CAN THE TRADITIONS OF ADVENT POINT YOU TOWARDS PRAYER?
BRAINSTORM, and PREPARE  an answer to this question:
“THIS FIRST WEEK OF ADVENT, WHEN THE FOCUS IS ON HOPE, I CAN DO THESE THINGS TO DISCIPLE MY FAMILY IN HOPE….”

SECOND WEEK OF ADVENT: PEACE
THE KEY TO PEACE IS GRACE
Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.




-- God desires for our families to be places of peace (A shalom bayit or “house of peace” in the Jewish tradition.)
--God sent His Son so that we may HAVE peace. He sent the Holy Spirit to enable us to LIVE this peace of heaven in the midst of the storm.

1. READ “What my father says about finding Grace for your journey.”
2. DISCUSS: WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN OUR HOMES ARE NOT PLACES OF PEACE, BUT PLACES OF CHAOS? WHEN DOES THIS MOST FREQUENTLY OCCUR? WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF OUR TENSIONS AS FAMILIES? WHAT CAN WE DO TO BRING GOD’S PEACE TO OUR EVERYDAY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS? DID THIS ARTICLE HELP YOU TO SEE THAT FAITH IS A JOURNEY?
BRAINSTORM and PREPARE an  answer to this question:
“THIS SECOND WEEK OF ADVENT, WHEN THE FOCUS IS ON PEACE, I CAN DO THESE THINGS TO DISCIPLE MY FAMILY IN PEACE…”

THIRD WEEK OF ADVENT(Gaudete—“rejoicing”—Sunday): JOY

THE KEY TO JOY IS OUR NEW NATURE!
Isaiah 12:6 “… Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”



-- Joy is the representation to others of our faith in Christ. We are to be marked by Joy.
-- We are called to even SUFFER joyfully!

1. READ “What my father says about The New Nature.”
2. DISCUSS: WHEN IS IT HARDEST TO FEEL AND REFLECT JOY IN FAMILY LIFE? HOW MUCH DO OUR CHILDREN REFLECT OUR LACK OF JOY IN THESE AREAS? WHAT CAN WE DO TO CHANGE THAT? WHO WAS THE MOST JOYFUL SUFFERER YOU HAVE EVER MET AND HOW DID THEY AFFECT YOU?
BRAINSTORM and then PREPARE and answer to this question:
“THIS THIRD WEEK OF ADVENT, WHEN THE FOCUS IS ON JOY, I CAN DO THESE THINGS TO DISCIPLE MY FAMILY IN JOY…”


FOURTH WEEK OF ADVENT: LOVE
THE KEY TO LOVE IS SELF-SACRIFICE AND PATIENT ENDURANCE THROUGH TRIALS
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.




- We are a people of Love, as seen on Christmas day when we celebrate Love come down to earth to be among us.
- Love is best expressed in a family through the marital relationship and the openness of the couple to new life (children.)

1. Read “What my father says about marriage.”
2. DISCUSS: WHAT TYPES OF TRIALS DO MANY MARRIAGES NOT OVERCOME? WHAT SAFEGUARDS CAN WE PUT IN PLACE TO ENSURE THAT OUR MARRIAGES REFLECT GOD’S LOVE? WHAT DO OUR CHILDREN LEARN ABOUT LOVE FROM OBSERVING MARRIAGE IN ACTION?
BRAINSTORM AND THEN PREPARE FOR US THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION:
“THIS FOURTH WEEK OF ADVENT, WHEN THE FOCUS IS ON LOVE, I CAN DO THESE THINGS TO DISCIPLE MY FAMILY IN LOVE…”

Close with Prayer:

We praise You God, for You are Holy and there is none like You.
We confess that we have been so busy looking outwards that we have failed to see the discipleship in our families that you have called us to. We confess pride and bitterness towards our family members and stubbornness that keeps us from loving them as You do.
We thank you for the pattern of discipleship in the Bible and the Church who has preserved this pattern in her traditions. We thank you for those individuals and families who have sacrificed so that You might be glorified in them.
And we ask that You would be with each woman here as they evaluate how to answer your call to disciple her family this Advent. We pray for an increase in Faith during this whole Year of Faith so that she might be aware of Your Presence and Your Will for her family.

1. Remember that it was JESUS who called his disciples and not the other way around. I encourage you to look for opportunities to disciple people in your family EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE NOT ASKED.

2. For some of you, starting a new tradition in your home, especially a prayerful one, is a daunting task. Don’t give up. Remember that faith is a journey!!

3. Please let Cherry or myself know if you need prayer or a little extra help in this area.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The words women use

My mom just left after a beautiful, fast little visit, and I had lots of little insights when she was here because it was a very different kind of trip that the ones we usually have.

My parents have been married for 30 years and they are really, wildly, totally in love. They are awesome that way and I think an example to so many. Growing up, they were the only people around who were still together and I'm thankful for that. Their marriage has withstood the test of the kids flying the coop. They are the kind of parents who gross out their kids by still holding hands and kissing. It's wonderful, and I thank God for both of them.

In that context, it might be funny to hear what that has to do with nagging, but here goes. My mom is Mediterranean, my dad is American. You know that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding (that movie is the story of my life) where we hear: "because the Portokallos women.... if they are not nagging somebody.... they die!!"??
That's the women in my family. I bet that's the women in your family, too. But in my family, it's particularly poignant.
My dad has lovingly nicknamed my mom "the Harpy." o.O

My mom tells my dad what to do, no doubt about it, and she does it loud and she does it often. I mean, she's from the south of France. She will tell perfect strangers what to do and trees how to grow. But most of the time, she isn't berating him when she does it....she doesn't think LESS of my dad (in fact, she thinks the world of him!),  she just expresses her ideas/thoughts/opinions about how things should be done... And has a tendency to make a stink when things are NOT done that way. (I particularly enjoyed, for example, watching her and my husband, both born leaders, make the bed together. Bless her heart, she was making the man's own bed-- a bed she had never seen before-- but she was going to tell him how it's done correctly.)

So women in my family do it sweetly, and they don't berate their husbands, but in a mediterranean context "not berating" is still slathering on a good dose of guilt and/or fist shaking and "what in the world would make you do it THAT way???"- ing. And the men don't seem to mind, other than when they "escape" from time to time to complain about it while sipping coffee and grabbing a quiet corner of the house to read in. I have an uncle who makes a special trip over to my aunt's house in the mornings just to chat for five minutes about how bossy his beautiful wife is being before he goes to work. She tells him what time to drink his coffee, which tie to wear, and what to bring to work. He gets ready, and then often makes a quick stop at my aunt's house where he lingers for a while making jokes about how his wife told him what time to go to sleep and which position was best for him to sleep in, what coffee mug to use and how much sugar to put in. And then he goes to work.... and calls his wife to say I love you. They've been married more than 35 years.

Said aunt he goes to visit married a Corsican. All the women in my family clucked about her marrying him because the farther south you go to find a husband, the greater the fear he will enslave you. This aunt takes pleasure in serving her husband and honoring him by trusting him and conforming to him. He is happy and tends to be the most easy going, relaxed and enjoyable of all the uncles. She has learned the great secret described in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants." (A wise woman, of course, wants "the Lord's way." More on that later.)

American women are a different breed of nag. They tend to be bossy less about daily life choices and more about feelings and how they are treated.

My mom and my aunts are no different than you or me. They are operating in a condition that women have operated in since the dawn of man. Eve nagged Adam to get that apple. Where do we think Greeks got the idea for Harpies? This is the "natural condition" of women. But I want to be spiritual.

I fight it with all my little might.

It started the first day my husband jokingly called me "fishwife." I thought about it for a while and realized I had been annoying him with incessant chatter and nagging. Then I noticed that most of the men in my life who have women who do that have an issue I think is kind of sad:  They might be devoted to and think the world of their women as their respected wives, but more often than not it doesn't prevent them from having different person or object they turn to and hold up as their muse. They are frequently inspired by things other than their wives/ families.

They might range in behavior from belittling their wives in a joking manner to actually flirting with or openly admiring other women from time to time. Others simply speak poorly about their wives when they are fed up. Some never say a bad word about their wives, but lie or run away from time to time to escape. And I've noticed that men who are in similar situations and who are less moral end up having problems I never want my own man to have. They range from being inspired or encouraged by other women to having issues with pornography and / or adultery. And why wouldn't they? After all, if we believe a man was born to lead his family, then not allowing them to do that is pretty emasculating. My husband finds nagging wives horrifying. They literally repulse him. We know this. I have blogged about it before.

And maybe it's just me, but I want the kind of man who acts like a King should and who treats me like a Queen. No, not just a Queen. HIS Queen. I see a man who takes charge and makes decisions as sexy. I see how a good woman encourages a man to rise above and be the best he can be. I think my world is safer when men are being men and women are being women. It is less stressful and more enjoyable. I think we all agree with that, but we nag because we fear our OWN husbands won't live up to the task. We are afraid to let them lead.

As a side note, my old pastor used to say: "You can't follow a parked car." In some families, we may ALL agree there needs to be headship somewhere, but we can't follow a leader who isn't leading. Maybe some wives nag out of desperation. Maybe they do it for a reason... to get their husbands to get off their butts and point towards somewhere. It's a temptation that might be rooted in a response to another person's sin, but it's pretty obvious that two wrongs don't make a right.

The Bible has some choice things to say about naggers. The greater issue of the misuse of the tongue is really a whole book I could write (if you want to read a great one I didn't write try this one.)


Proverbs 21:9 ESV

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 27:15 ESV

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;


Proverbs 21:19 ESV

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.


Proverbs 25:24 ESV

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.


Proverbs 19:13 ESV

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

and lest you think it's JUST the author of proverbs:

1 Peter 3:5-6 ESV

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.


1 Peter 5:3 ESV

Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.


1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.


My point is..... why nag? I'm not saying that all the mediterranean women in my life who love their husbands and nag, nag, nag are evil people.... I am saying they have a sinful habit. Most of them are wonderful, caring, compassionate and devoted wives with a strong desire to bless their husbands. And I don't think they realize that there is a better way.

Here is what the Bible says about that "better way:"


Proverbs 16:24 ESV

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.


Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.


Proverbs 12:18 ESV

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.


1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I set my mind to change an innate behavior, I tend to look for root causes. What is it about nagging that seems like such an easy and logical choice for so many women?

I think nagging is rooted in fear. We nag because we fear so very many things.

That we aren't safe.
That we aren't respected.
That we aren't loved.
That we aren't wise.
That we aren't interesting.
That we aren't in control.
That we would have done it better.
That someone else IS doing it better.

Ironically, nagging brings those things to be. By speaking them with our mouths, we get exactly what we are asking for. Remember that we are made in the image of God, and that God created with a Word.

One helpful thing I have done to help me kick the habit is to write down the promises God's word has for me about my fears. Then, when I feel like nagging, I think about why I am about to nag and what fear is at the root of that desire. And then I pray those instead of opening my mouth to nag. It also helps me to remember that the Bible says that we are called to submit to and obey our husbands, words which modern women in the advent of "feminism" are horrified by. But the Bible reminds us in Proverbs 17:11 that a cruel messenger (the same word used to describe an angel-- in other words, a demon) will be sent to she who seeks only rebellion. Obedience is our protection from evil. It is freedom and security and our "safe place."
Most men today do not lead because most women will not follow. The Bible says that the TONGUE is the rudder for our entire ship. (James 3:1-18) In other words, we follow where our tongues go. So if we submit first our TONGUES, then the rest of us will follow. God knows this because He reminds us that "the mouth of a loose woman is like a deep pit." (Proverbs 22:14)
If you want a man who will lead you, but do it right,  and are frustrated enough with your man on a daily basis to boss him around, consider what behavior you could have that might lead him to feel respected, and then do that. Make a commitment today to stop nagging him. A man who feels respected will act respectably.

Pray this with me today:

Psalm 141:3 ESV

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Also, I don't know who this person is, but I am glad she is doing this--  "You can only change YOURSELF, but when you change, a relationship changes."

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