Spiritual Communion

I just finished sending a prayer request to a Carmelite Community in our Washington Province, The Carmel of Terre Haute.

I had never visited their website before, but when I read their "mission" and "vision" statements, I KNEW I was spiritually home. It was like... ZING! INSTANT companionship and shared spiritual experience.

It is so incredible to be able to say, with certainty, that I understand now why saying yes to God with regards to Carmel was so important in my life.
It's not so much that I have tried to cultivate Carmelite Spirituality as that it is Carmelite Spirituality which has sustained me and built itself into a tether firmly anchored in God, a tether which I strain to keep hold of and which I inch along, battling strong winds with sand in my eyes.

When I first came to Carmel, it was on a hunch-- I had a sense I needed to do something "more" with my life and that, since I liked to pray, and that's what Carmelites do, I should look into it.

As I discerned, I became increasingly uncertain that I "COULD" be a Carmelite, because of what was required of me and my situation in life. Though I felt somehow "connected," I didn't see any logical reason why that should be so... not even amongst the other Carmelites at the meetings I attended.

But over time, I have begun to learn that it was only by putting into practice the wisdom of these great Carmelite saints that I have even BEGUN to live the life that God intended for me. Meeting and talking with others who have been doing that long before I came along has substantially changed me... and helped me to lose that sense of "self importance" that is so token of a post-1970's upbringing.

I used to want, to ACHE to do something for God-- for that spark of recognition that people might see that my whole life was about him. I wanted to run a successful ministry, doing something with the gifts that God had given me, something that shouted : "Here is a woman who works for God!" What a prideful person I am.

Ironically, now I AM something--- I am something which most of the people I encounter, my friends even, don't understand and don't really think about, something which is hidden, silent, quiet (OK, did I mention I'm NEW at this?? :P) something which is both counter-cultural and totally suited to every culture, something which I will not be thanked for but which will tear from my soul, if I let it, every last stronghold of sinful passion and inordinate attachment and guide me not only to salvation but to union with the One who made me. What more could I want for my soul??

A year ago I received the scapular after an initial period of discernment and it is only NOW that I'm even beginning to understand what Carmel even IS, or what strange and beautiful communion I am destined to have with other souls who seek more than just eventual salvation but who are on fire to experience God's radical love. When I hear another person talking about John Of the Cross, now, I am stirred and moved to tears of joy for the fellowship, even if we do not talk at all.

In coming to Carmel, it's as if God has said:
"Look, there are others here, and there have been others here, who understand you perfectly, and better yet, I've given them the task of showing you the little way, the way that leads to the Narrow Gate. They will do so with great love. What they will teach you will be difficult, but what you will lose is meaningless and what you will find is Me."

These nuns, I discovered, have the following mission statement, which I am taking as my own since it perfectly describes what I am always striving to put into words:

Standing in the presence of the Living God, we worship and intercede for all, becoming channels of spiritual energy and a prophetic witness of hope to the world.


Their vision and mine?

To hold the lamp of contemplation until we become a Living Flame of love.

All sisters and brothers of Carmel, pray for me.