A fresh wind

I hesitate to blog about this because of all the amateur internet psychiatrists on ravelry who I know read this blog, but then again, I've never let anyone stop me from being honest, so here goes.

I've written apologetics blogs in the past about the importance of believing in the Holy trinity... and this is not going to be one of them. What I am going to say, though, bears a great deal of importance with regards to each individual role within the Trinity. It's the result of a recent revelation--- because as I am writing I am more filled up spiritually, so to speak, than I have been in quite a while. As my old pentecostal pastor used to say, "I've got that Holy Spirit glow right now."

Some things you may or may not have ascertained in the last few months of reading my blogs....

1. God is still calling me to the same types of ministry as before... just in a different setting. In other words, my basic "Christianity" is exactly where it was before--- only I would say it used to be a bit "Christian Lite." I'm now understanding more the theological implications of what Wayne and I have experienced/ felt when it comes to God.

2. Wayne and I are coming out of a parched period where we were having a really hard time hearing from God, and now we are being abundantly showered in grace and healing. This has been going on for some time.

3. Satan has noticed that I'm (we are) standing more firm in my calling and vocation, and has been taking an active interest in our family.

4. Over the last few weeks (and with some reflection, months even) we have been under spiritual attack that has been gradually accumulating, culminating in some really, extremely icky situations that nearly seemed like they were orchestrated by Satan himself.

(as my friend Jen said today--- this demonic stuff is like germs. It spreads to everyone who gets involved in it...Which, btw, is the number one reason not to get into deliverance ministry unless you are 100 percent sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are called to it. Wayne and I feel confident that we are to some degree.)

To spare you the details, unbeknownst to me, our priest came and blessed our house last night with my husband as me and the kids were sleeping. He wasn't gone five minutes before I was under a severe attack. That's the theory, with house blessings... if you have a real demonic situation going on, there will likely be a manifestation POST blessing. Sometimes stronger than the initial ones.



Keep in mind that I haven't even been TALKING to Wayne about any of the stuff that's been going on or that I've been dealing with, both in ministry AND at home. He and Father both decided that a blessing was needed completely independently of my input.)

So, as I was saying, the idea is that after a blessing there is a high possibility of a major post-blessing manifestation because sometimes all it does is make a demon mad. Which is exactly what happened...only I had no idea it was happening. And it took me (isn't it pathetic how I think I'm such an expert on these things and then allowed myself to be so decieved??) nearly three hours before I realized.... Hey, I'm probably under attack right now and that's what's really going on. In fact, once I had doused myself in holy water and begun crossing myself and turning to God in prayer, I realized that I had completely blanked out during the entire previous few hours.... I couldn't even remember how I had started to cry in the first place. So wierd.

A big part of this emotional frustation revolved around a fear that I was losing my mind. Because there is so much talk these days of mental illness when one BELIEVES in the world of the Bible, it isn't uncommon for me to be accused of being, as the R&P Forums used to love to put it, "batsh$t crazy." But it does happen that a seed of doubt gets planted and I start to think that maybe there is a kernel of truth to it. Just like when I first became a Christian, and random ex boyfriends started calling me at all hours of the day and night saying menacing things like.... "you can't BE a Christian. That's just not who you are." or "it's too hard for you. You'll never be able to live like that." One literally appeared on my doorstep and commanded me to worship HIM instead of Jesus. Those were his exact words. At the time, I thought.... well, either Satan himself is talking to me, or I'm going completely nuts. I believe the former rather than the latter. There's a reason they call people like us "Jesus Freaks."

So back to the post-blessing attack. Unfortunately, Wayne is now gone, so I was NOT looking forward to tonight, and being home alone when the next possible manifestation hit because I just didn't think, after the emotionally exhausting day yesterday, that I was strong enough to deal. But, as usual, when we are weak, He is strong.

I made an appointment to go to confession in the morning before Mass, which just happens to be on the feast day of St Padre Pio, who is one of my favorite saints and a true warrior for Christ....and a mystic. Who also happened to suffer, himself, from frequent demonic attacks. I literally can't wait to spend some time with Padre Pio tommorrow. I have a strong devotion to him as is, but on his feast day I plan on spending a great deal of time learning from his particular spirituality.

I then did the wierdest thing ever. I called my Brother-in-Law, Scott, and his friend Seth, and asked them to come to my house and pray. They are the only Christians of the Born-Again variety who are still speaking with us after our move to Catholicism and who don't have wives and kids to hang out with at 8 pm on a Monday night. In fact, they live for this kind of stuff-- just ministering to people where they are at.

Lately, I've been wondering about sticking a toe into the Charismatic community in the RCC. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure alot of their stuff is WAY too progressive and borderline unCatholic for me. On the other hand , it would be nice to be around other Catholics who also pray in tongues, etc. I really, really, really love the Holy Spirit, and I've been craving time with Him more, time to be around other people who know and are particularly devoted to Him, you know?

But since I don't know any Charismatic Catholics, and all of my nondenominational friends have families, etc, I called Scott and Seth, who are on FIRE for the Lord. I asked them to come over, briefed them on what we've been dealing with.

Scott grew up in a house with Wayne, and so naturally he experienced a lot of hte paranormal activity in that house as well. He is no stranger to the "Wierder" more "Supernatural" side of demonic infestation. I've seen him be a bit hasty and misguided before with it, but I figured that if we were certain of that type of situation, it could do no harm to have someone around who was certainly zealous. Seth I've just been getting to know as his friendship with Scott has grown, but I truly admire his faith and his hunger for holiness! So... yeah. Debriefed them, and then we sat down to pray. I wanted them there because I wanted other believers who are familiar with the Holy Spirit in an intimate way to stand with me in faith for ownership of my house and Lordship of Christ here. And stand they did, which was awesome.

As I had expected, the Holy Spirit spoke VOLUMES to all of us as we prayed, and over the course of a couple of hours we became intimately acquainted with His goodness and mercy and power and glory. He revealed to them supernaturally particular areas that needed prayer, and responded supernaturally. And for that whole time, I felt so in love with God and amazed by Him.

At the end, Seth got up and went out to his car, bringing back with him a few pieces of paper on which he had written out a word he had recieved from the Lord for me.

I am posting it here now, typing it up because I don't think it was only for me, but probably for all of us--- and because as I show you why, I hope that you will fall as deeply in love with the third person of the Holy Trinity as I am. Seth allowed Him to speak to His heart, stepped out in faith, and spoke straight to my soul by the power of the Holy Spirit. What does He have for YOU tonight?

------------------------

I know your paths. Those behind you, and in front. Both where you have walked and where you will walk. I have called you for more than just the beauty of your name... Called you for a specific reason, full of acute planning and detailed tasks. Tasks that will come your way. Opportunities that will be in your grasp. How far down the road can you see?

I tell you: I am God. Nothing happens without me. Do not give up. Your life goes on, because I'm not finished with you yet. I know your past... and I see your end. In all that you do, know that I am with you and have nothing in my heart but love for you. Why not walk in it??

I say: Do not be afraid of the unknown. Many paths are always before you, but truly only one I have for you. I am not a God of confusion, but of mystery.

Still, I will constantly call you, I am constantly waiting and available. Chase me! Chase me and you will walk my path. Don't worry about where the path will go for you cannot see it. Rather consider where I am, for it is MY path. I am there!

My path is where I walk. Blessings and redemption are in my wake, mercy is before me. My arms and heart are love, and my tongue is a defense for those who are with me. My feet are sure! Again, I say to you... I am all around you!

My love is for those who come to me, but surely my blessings are with those who walk with me. Do not give up as we leave for I will show you things you do not know, places you've never gone.

I am YOUR God. Will you come "explore" with me?