Thanksgiving

Things have been so crazy here-- sorry for the slow updates.

Let's see. Ishod is eight days old. We are trying to get him circumsized but it's been a challenge so far. If God wants it, it will happen. No open doors yet.

He is so cute and fun! I can't believe how easy newborns are and I can't believe I was so flipped out about Annika- I'm wondering just how selfish I really was last year when she was born because I suffered so much at the beginning.... and really all throughout. Wierd.

My mom has been here to help out. I wasn't sure what to expect. Last year with Annika it was really challenging, mostly because she is a person with a great many opinions that she likes to put on people about EVERYTHING. As a result, I'm a great disappointment to my parents. I have been for a long time, because their idea of what I would end up doing and being was never mine, and they have just had challenge after challenge raising the kind of daughter they see as ideal.
Because of that, there is always a difficult moment when my mom gives an opinion about something (and believe me, it could be anything) and I disagree. She can't fathom that I might a) not agree and b) not listen. She thinks it's rebellion in me, ironically, because rebellion is actually a generational curse and a demonic thing I've dealt with periodically that was passed on THROUGH her to me. I say this not because of anything major--- my mother is by all worldly standards a wonderful person. She's amazing. But her own rebellion definitely passed into me and has been something I have frequently done battle with.

To top it off, she voices her opinions as if they are fact. Which makes it hard when they are often unbiblical. For example, she has been totally appalled at the dynamic in my marriage. She doesn't like that I submit to my husband. She tried to curse my marriage by saying we'd be divorced in ten years when I realized how much he was stifling me. She things Wayne is a tyrant and big old meanie. (among other nicer things, of course, but the point is that she can't imagine why I would live this way.) She tried to curse my daughter by saying she would absolutely be rebellious against us. (death and life are in the power of the tongue is not something she seems to be familiar with!) She doesn't like the south because she doesn't like the way people live here and thinks everyone here is an uneducated redneck and therefore not interesting. On the way to my MIL's house today, she kept ranting on and on about how in the world I could choose to live here when I've been all over the world and seen so many things. What a dump, she thinks. And I understand... I really do. Fayetteville can seem like a dump. I certainly thought so when I moved here.... But if someone chooses to live here and professes to be happy-- why not give them the benefit of the doubt? Why say it's IMPOSSIBLE to be happy here?

I think the hardest things have been to see how she still hasn't let go of the fact that Wayne and I actually got married. She brought up today, in the midst of some nice conversation at Wayne's dad's house, how the first few times he talked to my own dad were in an extremely unpleasant "circumstances." (reminder to those who are new to my blog--- we eloped while AWOL from basic training in the army after knowing each other less than three weeks and my parents were LIVID.)
These circumstances were unpleasant for MY parents, so much so that they can't let them go. EVERY time, without fail, that they are with us they have to mention at least once how much they disapproved. But Wayne's dad's response was awesomely Spirit led: "Well," he said. "I realized that these were the cards we had been dealt. But more than that, they love each other. And I've come to love Barbie just as much as you do." what a blessing that was!
And she keeps saying things about my marriage that really sting. She called my husband a "child," and said she can't understand how I could respect him. Long story short, she basically manifested right in my kitchen for almost thirty minutes... and I stood there knowing in the Spirit that I should take authority and start casting out devils in the name of Jesus while allowing my fear in the flesh to win and just staring, wide eyed, as she insulted my family, my way of life, and my God's plan for a heavenly marriage.

Basically? It's a really good lesson in parenting. You can't plan out your kids lives, or expect them to DO certain things just because that's how you envision life for them. You have to train them up in the way they should go--- controlling much in the beginning, then allowing them to use self control, and finally releasing them to the Spirit controlled life. Like an inverted triangle. If you try to control it all from day one to the end, you are not parenting. You are dictating. And it's hard. See, my parents don't believe that I should look to my husband for guidance, advice, and life choices. They still think they know better than he does what is "good " for me. It's really pretty good for me to go through this-- although it's incredibly painful every time because --- let's face it--- I want them to like me and be proud of me.

On top of that, Wayne always gets really frustrated when we have guests who "interrupt" our family DNA. (Which we have a lot , because our guests are usually not Christians and usually very opinionated, even when they are.) So he kind of shuts down. He's polite, but just enough. And he sulks a lot when no one's looking, which makes me feel like he's making a bad situation even more unbearable for me.
Basically, everyone I know has a hard time when their mom or their in laws come to the house for a visit. But it gets even harder when my mom and my husband are actually in competition for who gets to run the house... and when I'm constantly being forced to choose my husband over my mother who just doesn't understand why it's disrespectful to come into someone's house and just take over with our own ideas of how things "should" be done.

Annika reacts to all the vibes in the house by throwing tantrums like we've never seen, which is hard, because the grandparents don't agree with discipline. Shes' very frustrated and I can't do much but pray against the verbal assaults she is enduring in the curse department-- she's been called "sickly," "fragile," "rebellious," "difficult," "willful," and "disobedient," time after time this week, none of which are adjectives I'm receiving for her character if you know what I mean.

But through it all, I'm rejoicing in these trials... because I know that God is creating perseverence and character in me through them! It's a beautiful thing. I just hope we all come out of it unscathed and I hope that despite all of it, I'm able to be a light in this home in whatever way God sees fit.

In other news, the BFing is going great although he's not a good latcher. I'm not sleeping much but that's normal. I'm really looking forward to next week's peace and a return to our "normal" lives (with our new addition)

I'm also SO thankful.... so thankful! For my family, for my mother's help this week with the cooking and cleaning, etc. For my friends, for my church, for the advancement of the kingdom- and most of all for the CROSS. Thank You, so much Lord, for the wonderous cross on which I can nail everything that keeps me from perfect union with You!