Some things I've learned today.

The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked. Hatred stirs up strife but love covers all sins.
Proverbs 10:11-12.

Our mouths sure do get us into a ton of trouble, don't they?

I'm always saying how as soon as I make a bold statement for something I believe in my blog, or in public, I'm immediately allowed to go into a period of testing about it. Well, as if things haven't been crazy enough around here, I'm right there in that testing period and it's driving me into a wall that only prayer and some time with my Savior can help me to destroy.

I said yesterday in my blog that I was frustrated that people a) make judgements about my family based on their limited scope of observation or their own personal likes/dislikes and b) reprove my husband by talking to ME about it instead of bringing it to him, which causes all types of turmoil and doubt in myself and my emotions, on which I don't want to rely. During the course of the last 48 hours or so I've really come to figure out which of the issues we've been having based on other people's perceptions of what our family life should look like need to be resolved, and which ones I need to let go of.

I'm not worried about any of them, and I'm grateful for the scripture that tells us to get the log out of our own eye first, because I'm of the opinion that we are ALL sinners and each one of us have to go ahead and be humbled and demonstrate repentance in whatever areas we need to assume responsibility for. In the eyes of the Lord, the Word says, sin is sin. It all leads to death and destruction. An abusive husband is no worse than a husband who is addicted to pornography or a wife who nags and disrespects. You know? We're all miserable sinners who, but by the grace of God, deserve our own little parking space in hell.

Anyways, today Wayne was super uptight. He's getting really tired of this labor thing (HA!!! At least he's not the one going through it) and to top it off it's causing us difficulties financially (he hasn't been to work all week so he could be around to help me) and emotionally, because I'm really resisting his desire to hurry this baby up by asking me to walk alot, eat spicy foods, etc. To top it off, yesterday during Annika's shots he had to hold her down because of the live virus danger for me, and he ended up getting really sick today.
It's really frustrating going through all of this for both of us.

I mean, I'm all for this experience being over, BELIEVE ME. But I just feel as though this baby isn't ready and I'm OK with waiting on God's perfect timing. I was relieved when my doc agreed yesterday in my desperate AM phone call to help me end this pain that my body needs more preparation time than other people's bodies, mostly because as my old OB pointed out, I'm pretty "narrow" and thus need a lot of wiggle room to be created for the baby to come out. That's why Annika took so long and that's apparently why Ishod is taking so long.
Anyways, he took me to the store to buy me Wasabi covered peanuts. (yes, I'm serious) and I ended up getting ticked off at how much he's rushing this, flipping out, and accidentally spilling them all over the car and under his feet while he was trying to drive, which caused a huge blowout between us.
Yep, we're that frustrated and exhausted. Peanuts are causing a marriage problem. :P

Anyways, I'm the first to admit my initial reaction was just a nightmare. Let's just say, my tongue was out of control and I needed to lasso it in. Then I got so mad at HIS reaction that I started to think ungodly thoughts about him and really prepared to let him have it. Fortunately, we had to stop at the pharmacy to get Annika's medecine, and that helped us to get away from each other long enough to reflect. Trouble is, I was over it about ten seconds through the pharmacy line. And he's still brooding, six hours later.

Now, the only reason I'm sharing this is because it is, of course, so fitting for the topic at hand yesterday. I mean, at what point do you draw the line and say: hey, husband, get it together, you're being a jerk? And how does that fit in with submission?

In sharing this example with you, I'm hoping to help a lot of the submission "critics" who read my blog gain an understanding of what the appropriate biblical response to your husband acting like a butthat may be. (believe me, ladies, there are days where I'm the one acting totally wrong... I've simply accepted my part of this responsibility and am waiting now for the resulting peace to come back over the home.)

Anyways, one of my favorite authors puts it like this: If your husband was wrong, and sixty percent of that caused the problem, your reaction to that was still forty percent of the whole wrong. Own up to your forty percent. Repent for your part. You can't repent for him and you can't change him, but you CAN choose to honor God by repenting for your part AND obeying His commandment to CHOOSE to love your husband and respect him DESPITE his wrongness.

Determined to live it out, I fully repented of my forty. Lord, forgive me for cursing him, harboring hate and anger in my heart and allowing it to spill out of my tongue. Forgive me for my lack of control and poor example in front of my daughter. For thinking unbiblical thoughts about him and our marriage. Etc. etc. I was at it for a while. :P

Then, having received forgiveness, I prayed for him, from the Word. Lord, let his mouth be a well of life. Let him love knowledge AND correction. Give him agape love for ME in my wrong doings. Etc, etc. And I prayed for me: Help me to love and respect him and be KIND to him despite what I feel like doing. (which was, actually, to shove that box of wasabi peanuts where the sun don't shine, you know?)

Anyways, it really restored PEACE and SANITY to me on my end. I was talking to a friend on the phone a little while later while I made dinner and shared my struggle with her. It's super important, when dealing with the submission issue, to remember that a man needs to be a LEADER, a PROTECTOR, and a PROVIDER. Those are his callings in response to our submission calling. I may be going over board with these all caps, but bear with me, I'm exhausted. :P When your man forgets one of those three things, he aint acting in his capacity as family leader, he's just, quite simply, wrong.

Anyways, so tonight I'm writing this blog to share my reaction, which I hope will help those of you who read this and STRUGGLE With submission to see what type of a reaction we are to have to our husbands. At this point, he still hasn't shown a shred of repentance or even demonstrated that he's interested in communicating about what happened. However, I'm choosing to obey God's commandments to love and respect him by responding with kindness. Just because HE's being wrong, doesn't mean I have to be too, you know? And I want to be clear, I'm not sharing this to uncover my husband but so that it can be a learning experience for other wives who read this blog and wonder just how all this submission stuff works.

And while in my flesh, I'm SO irritated that in the midst of all this labor craziness I have to deal with this and I'm pretty much blaming his attitude, in my Spirit I am renewed with the hope that tomorrow I'll be writing you a blog that describes the FRUIT of submission, which is joy. Because I am so joyful that I was able to catch my "forty percent" right away, instead of after the fact. It sets my relationship with my GOD, which is infinitely more important than my relationship with my husband (although, let me tell you, I can't WAIT to be reconciled!! I miss him and love him and hate fighting!) in a proper place.

Incidentally, if tomorrow he's still being lame, I'm going to use that as an example of how to give a biblical reproof. Basically, because we are both believers we both need to be keeping each other from sin. I help him, he helps me. And when I help him, there's a WAY the Bible says to do it, which I am to follow if I want to maintain my biblical integrity.

Thank the Lord for his strength and His amazing love, and for my husband, without whom I would never be learning all these incredible things. He is so dear to me.