Using scripture to train our children

So, on Pinterest a while back, I came across this website: The Child Training Bible. It describes a method by which to organize child training verses using color coded flags and hi-lighters for parents to use in the raising of children. It was one of those things you just sat and stared at, wide-eyed, thoughts buzzing.

At the time, I simultaneously pinned it to my parenting boards and to my random hilarity boards because, let's face it, while there is something profoundly interesting and inspiring about it, for sure, I admit I also found it kind of .... crazy and neurotic as an idea. Look at all those tabs!! How would you HOLD this bible? Doesn't it just SCREAM: "pull me out" to any passing toddler? Where would you find the time to sit down and actually make one of these?? How practical could it actually be??

I'm not at all slamming the people who came up with this idea, I actually find it -- and them-- awesome. But I think there is a little re-thinking to be done here--- while it's very good and helpful, it's also kind of.... overkill. Maybe that's just me, as this bible seems to be getting very enthusiastic reviews. I admit my life is a little more hectic in some ways than other stay at home moms for whom the Child Training Bible may be a wonderful option.

On my end, though... I like things simple, and as a busy mom, I don't have time to brush my teeth, let alone to sit down with my kids for every infraction and pick through the Bible for lecturing material, nor do I have time to nitpick issues. I'm big on the "heart" and not the externals--- and at this stage in my parenting I usually find myself constantly turning to Charlotte Mason's "big three" issues (Obedience, attention, truthfulness) and much less frequently to particular issues.  

Now, if I'm going to be praying for one of my kids in depth that day about a particular issue, I might find a list of EVERY verse that deals with it helpful, but the reality is that in ordinary life I just need a handful of "go to" verses.

I have mentioned before that our family uses Charlotte Mason's methods in our homeschool, and Charlotte had a LOT to say about child training and good habits. Her habits training ideas can be broken down into five categories (mental habits, physical habits, moral habits,  religious habits, habits of propriety and decency.) So in my case, I can more easily use a go-to bible verse for each of the habits in this category (or better yet, for a category itself) than for every, single, specific situation my kids or I might encounter during their childhood. I also like that Charlotte focuses on something positive which encourages me as a parent-- changing bad habits into good ones, whereas the Child Training Bible is basically geared to look up MISbehavior (lying, stealing, fear, etc.) I understand why it's organized that way, but my kids-- and I-- tend to be more receptive to change when it is presented in a positive light.

Every Christian parent should be excited about a project that helps them quickly find bible verses with which to train their children. We all (hopefully) USE bible verses and have various systems for doing it, like making kids copy or memorize verses for problem areas, doing character training with bible verses in daily devotions, or simply having a list of verses for different situations we encounter and looking them up and reading them together after we correct or discipline our kids. 

And believe me, I'm ALL for using tabs and color coding to get us there-- I already do that to help me pray with my Bible. So I really, really do like the idea.... But I wasn't sure I could handle a life where I'd have to carefully carry a bible that looks like this around without rapidly losing what's left of my mind:

So anyways, I thought about it and realized that there really are just a handful of verses I NEED and USE regularly in my parenting (by regularly, I mean on a day-to-day, training-and-correcting basis way... not in a full-on warfare kind of way. Obviously, there are moments where you just really need the entire Bible, or a list a mile long.) Basing my categories mostly off of Charlotte Mason's habits, I came up with THIS.

Not overwhelming, not complicated, easy to use and carry. I likey.

Each tab is a subject I find myself harping on the kids about relatively often.

Each tab contains a MAIN verse at the top, and additional verses to use as needed.

A couple of them overlap the text and this annoys me.. I'll have to find a solution.

Like I said, we're ALL about keeping it simple here. :)

But some things are TOO important to let slide. ;)

If your kids are anything like mine, they will enjoy making their own tabs for their own bibles, too. Bonus!

So that's it.... my version of the "Child Training Bible," and the benefit to me is that my husband and I deal with many of these same habits (and sins!) in our own personal lives so having these makes it really easy to quickly look up something that relates to us, to our own parenting, to our relationship to each other, etc. I've been doing this for about a week now and I am already SO glad I took the (One hour, not year! Haha) it took me to make this, and I've actually used it-- which is great. So far the best part is that my kiddos actually LIKE it and find it interesting, so they remind me to use it if perchance I forget. Having just read Ray Guerendi's book "Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime," I am super excited about how easily this all fits in with that. Dr. Ray reminded me over and over that discipline was less talk and more action, and I think that applies not just to parenting but to our work, too. I noticed that by doing this instead of having endless passages to look up and talk about with the kids, they-- and I--- get more work done. We also spend waaaaay less time yakking about HOW to do what's right and way more time just doing it, which is my husband's theme for our house. "There's no need to be so complicated. Life is simple.... Just be good, and do good," he says. Can't argue with that!

Anyways, hope it helps somebody out there!

For those interested in doing this themselves, I can offer some suggestions. However, I don't want to give you a how-to because one of the most important things about doing this project , in my eyes, is that it needs to be something YOU will use. My needs are not your needs, so you may find some of my categories, or verses, inapplicable for your own family. Instead I would encourage you to sit down and make a small, manageable list of things you would like to instill in your kids and then your OWN favorite verses for each one.

By way of a guideline, here is a list of the habits Charlotte Mason specifically mentions, as organized in the wonderful book "Laying down the Rails: a Charlotte Mason Habits Handbook."

You might find it useful to include tabs for these particular habits or simply for each category, along with appropriate bible verses. 

Habits of Decency and Propriety
Cleanliness Courtesy Kindness Manners Modesty and Purity	Neatness Order Regularity Candor Courage	Diligence Fortitude Generosity Gentleness Meekness	Patience Respect Temperance Thrift
Mental Habits
Attention Imagining Meditation Memorizing	Mental Effort Observation Perfect Execution Reading for Instruction	Remembering Thinking Accuracy Concentration	Reflection Thoroughness
Moral Habits
Integrity Priorities Finishing	Use of Time Borrowed Property Obedience	Personal Initiative Reverence Self-Control	Sweet, Even Temper Truthfulness Usefulness
Physical Habits
Alertness to Seize Opportunities Fortitude Health Managing One’s Own Body Music Outdoor Life		Quick Perception of Senses Self-Control in Emergencies Self-Discipline in Habits Self-Restraint in Indulgences Training the Ear and Voice
Religious Habits
Regularity in Devotions Prayer	Reading the Bible Praise	Reverent Attitude Sunday-Keeping	Thanksgiving Thought of God

Charlotte Mason's motto for students was "I am, I can, I ought, I will." Another way to do this is simply to make a list of fifteen or so things you often come across and a good verse for each one. For example: Obedience Attention Truthfulness Modesty Purity Faith Proper Speech Kindness Charity Cleanliness Good study habits Proper Choice in Friends Self-control etc. As I said, every family (and child!) is different so I don't want to give you a cookie-cutter "how-to" here, but rather to help you brainstorm ideas that will work. I hope you enjoy doing this project as much as I did! I'm praying for you and your children. :)

Happy feast of Our Lady of the Rosary!!

Why not take today to start making a habit out of praying the rosary?



From the Catechism of the Catholic Church: 


971 "All generations will call me blessed": "The Church's devotion to the Blessed Virgin is intrinsic to Christian worship." The Church rightly honors "The Blessed Virgin with special devotion. From the most ancient times the Blessed Virgin has been honored with the title of 'Mother of God', to whose protection the faithful fly in all their dangers and needs...This special devotion...differs essentially from the adoration which is given to the incarnate Word and equally to the Father and the Holy Spirit, and greatly fosters this adoration." The liturgical feasts dedicated to the Mother of God and Marian prayer, such as the rosary, an "epitome of the whole Gospel," express this devotion to the Virgin Mary.

1674 Besides sacramental liturgy and sacramentals, catechesis must take into account the forms of piety and popular devotions among the faithful. The religious sense of the Christian people has always found expression in various forms of piety surrounding the Church's sacramental life, such as the veneration of relics, visits to sanctuaries, pilgrimages, processions, the stations of the cross, religious dances, the rosary, medals, etc.

2678 Medieval piety in the West developed the prayer of the rosary as a popular substitute for the Liturgy of the Hours. In the East, the litany called the Akathistos and the Paraclesis remained closer to the choral office in the Byzantine churches, while the Armenian, Coptic, and Syriac traditions preferred popular hymns of St. Ephrem or St Gregory of Narek, the tradition of prayer is basically the same.

2708 Meditation engages thought, imagination, emotion, and desire. This mobilization of faculties is necessary in order to deepen our convictions of faith, prompt the conversion of our heart, and strengthen our will to follow Christ. Christian prayer tries above all to mediate on the mysteries of Christ, as in lectio divina or the rosary. This form of prayerful reflection is of great value, but Christian prayer should go further: to the knowledge of the love of the Lord Jesus, to union with him.

RECITATION OF THE HOLY ROSARY
MEDITATION OF HIS HOLINESS BENEDICT XVI

Pontifical Shrine of Pompeii
Sunday, October 19, 2008

Venerable Brothers in the Episcopate and in the Priesthood,
Dear men and women religious,
Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Before entering the Shrine to recite the Holy Rosary with you, I paused briefly before the tomb of Bl. Bartolo Longo and, praying, I asked myself: "Where did this great apostle of Mary find the energy and perseverance he needed to bring such an impressive work, now known across the world, to completion? Was it not in the Rosary, which he accepted as a true gift from Our Lady's Heart?" Yes, that truly was how it happened! The experience of the Saints bears witness to it: this popular Marian prayer is a precious spiritual means to grow in intimacy with Jesus, and to learn at the school of the Blessed Virgin always to fulfil the divine will. It is contemplation of the mysteries of Christ in spiritual union with Mary as the Servant of God Paul VI stressed in his Apostolic Exhortation Marialis cultus (n. 46) and as my venerable Predecessor John Paul II abundantly illustrated in his Apostolic Letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae that today I once again present in spirit to the Community of Pompeii and to each one of you. You who live and work here in Pompeii, especially you, dear priests, men and women religious and lay people involved in this unique portion of the Church, are all called to make Bl. Bartolo Longo's charism your own and to become, to the extent and in the way that God grants to each one, authentic apostles of the Rosary.

To be apostles of the Rosary, however, it is necessary to experience personally the beauty and depth of this prayer which is simple and accessible to everyone. It is first of all necessary to let the Blessed Virgin take one by the hand to contemplate the Face of Christ: a joyful, luminous, sorrowful and glorious Face. Those who, like Mary and with her, cherish and ponder the mysteries of Jesus assiduously, increasingly assimilate his sentiments and are conformed to him. In this regard, I would like to quote a beautiful thought of Bl. Bartolo Longo: "Just as two friends, frequently in each other's company, tend to develop similar habits", he wrote, "so too, by holding familiar converse with Jesus and the Blessed Virgin, by meditating on the mysteries of the Rosary and by living the same life in Holy Communion, we can become, to the extent of our lowliness, similar to them and can learn from these supreme models a life of humility, poverty, hiddenness, patience and perfection" (I Quindici Sabati del Santissimo Rosario, 27th edition, Pompeii, 1916, p. 27: cited in Rosarium Virginis Mariae, n. 15).

The Rosary is a school of contemplation and silence. At first glance, it could seem a prayer that accumulates words, therefore difficult to reconcile with the silence that is rightly recommended for meditation and contemplation. In fact, this cadent repetition of the Hail Mary does not disturb inner silence but indeed both demands and nourishes it. Similarly to what happens for the Psalms when one prays the Liturgy of the Hours, the silence surfaces through the words and sentences, not as emptiness, but rather as the presence of an ultimate meaning that transcends the words themselves and through them speaks to the heart. Thus, in reciting the Hail Mary, we must be careful that our voices do not "cover" the voice of God who always speaks through the silence like the "still small voice" of a gentle breeze (1 Kgs 19: 12). Then how important it is to foster this silence full of God, both in one's personal recitation and in its recitation with the community! Even when the Rosary is prayed, as today, by great assemblies, and as you do in this Shrine every day, it must be perceived as a contemplative prayer. And this cannot happen without an atmosphere of inner silence.

I would like to add a further reflection concerning the Word of God in the Rosary, particularly appropriate in this period in which the Synod of Bishops is taking place on the theme: "The Word of God in the life and mission of the Church". If Christian contemplation cannot leave the Word of God out of consideration, if it is to be a contemplative prayer, the Rosary must always emerge from the silence of the heart as a response to the Word, after the model of Mary's prayer. Seen clearly, the Rosary is completely interwoven with scriptural elements. First of all there is the enunciation of the mystery, preferably made, as it has been today, with words taken from the Bible. The Our Father follows; by giving the prayer a "vertical" orientation, the soul of who recites the rosary is opened to the correct filial attitude in accordance with the Lord's invitation: "When you pray say: Father..." (Lk 11: 2). The first part of the Hail Mary, also taken from the Gospel, lets us listen again each time to the words that God addressed to the Virgin through the Angel and to the words of her cousin Elizabeth's blessing. The second part of the Hail Mary resounds like the answer of children who, in addressing supplications to their Mother, do nothing other than express their own adherence to the saving plan revealed by God. Thus the thought of those who pray remains ever anchored to Scripture and to the mysteries presented in it.

Lastly, remembering that today we are celebrating World Mission Sunday, I wish to recall the apostolic dimension of the Rosary, a dimension that Blessed Bartolo Longo lived intensely, drawing inspiration from it to carry out on this earth so many charitable initiatives and works of human and social promotion. Furthermore, he wanted this Shrine to be open to the whole world as a centre of outreach of the prayer of the Rosary and as a place of intercession for peace among peoples. Dear friends, I would like to reinforce both of these aims: the apostolate of charity and prayer for peace, and I wish to confirm and entrust them once again to your spiritual and pastoral commitment. Following the example and with the support of the venerable Founder, never tire of working with enthusiasm in this part of the Lord's vineyard for which Our Lady has shown a special fondness.

Dear brothers and sisters, the time has come to take my leave of you and of this beautiful Shrine. I thank you for your warm welcome and especially for your prayers. I thank the Archbishop Prelate and Pontifical Delegate, his collaborators and those who worked to prepare my Visit in the best possible way. I must leave you, but my heart remains close to this region and to this community. I entrust you all to the Blessed Virgin of the Holy Rosary and I cordially impart the Apostolic Blessing to each one.

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