Sunday thoughts on burning hearts and God providing

22 June 2008

Happy Sunday!
I love how Sundays are like little mini-holidays in our world-- a day of rest and renewal for what lies ahead.
Wayne and I were surprised to find that due to an unexpected expense yesterday, our savings are at an end and he still has no job in sight. This leaves us with less than 300 bucks, pretty scary considering we have a pay-or-get-cut-off utility bill of $250 due tomorrow and a rent payment of $615 due on the 1st and no money due to come in until a huge check on the 8th. Moments like these, I used to panic. But thank God, I have found that He has always provided when we have been in need, and this will be no different. I’m really looking forward to seeing how He will do so, seeing as how I am totally and completely out of ideas! Hah.
Wayne has finally agreed to go to Labor Ready on Monday and do some quick and difficult earning at the temp agency for trades workers until we can figure it out. It wont pay our bills, but it’s a start, and we have some very exciting prospects for jobs for him in the works.
I’ve been doing well with my Travel Agency but I’m not making nearly enough because airplane tickets are only bringing in a six dollar commission! I also just yesterday discovered that yahoo mail is really rotten about their spam filtering and that I had more than ten emails from friends requesting travel in my spam inbox!!!! Some of them were from months ago! (if that’s you, I’m sooo sorry!!! I will be diligent about checking my spam inbox from now on!)

In order to help make ends meet I’ll be doing some appointment setting for some insurance agent friends as well, which will hopefully make up just enough to get by. That way if Wayne any of the jobs he’s hoping for, we’ll have some “room to move around” in our budget, which will be a nice change. For those of you who have been praying, he did not get into the navy. The main reason being, as I’m sure you know, that the navy is not trying to grow the same way the army is, and that our local recruiter has a mission of putting one person in per month. As you can imagine, he has a line out the door of people waiting to get in fresh out of high school who have no need for waivers, and the recruiter would rather spend his time with them than doing all the hard work to get Wayne in by passing all the waivers he needs. Thus, it seems the US Military doesn’t want him.. Even after we wrote to our congressman.
This, I’m sure, is not an accident, and I’m confident God will point us in the right direction. We are both slightly disappointed, but quickly realized how much more blessed it will be for us to be able to stay together!
We are applying in a lot of different fields and have been for several months now, both he and I. We are sure that something will give in the next few days.



I’ve been doing a lot of praying and thinking on a thread called “Mormonism 101” in ravelry.
One of the biggest things about it has been this idea of the “burning in the bosom” that demonstrates the true “prompting of the Spirit.”

I don’t know what’s going on, but two things of a mystical nature are happening at mass every day here.
The first is what is happening to my priest. I can SEE that he is experiencing something very profound during mass. I can SEE the change at consecration. I can see him going through something. I know from talking to him that he is really “caught up” during mass in what’s going on spiritually-- but more than that, I can see a “glow” in him come down, right as the Word is being proclaimed, all the way until the ending procession.
I know that the same thing is spiritually happening in every parish all across the world at daily mass. I have never before “seen” this sort of thing--- it’s really disconcerting and totally amazing and faith building. It may sound nuts. But I can physically see something spiritually happening to him as the mass unfolds. It’s totally incredible.
Which brings me to the second thing--- because of what I can spiritually “see” happening, I am made incredibly aware of the presence of God and something which I can only describe as a fear (awe) of God strikes me to the bone. In the moments from the end of the recitation of the creed to the final “amen,” my heart begins to furiously pound inside my chest. I experience a contrition unlike any I have ever felt-- sorrow for my sins that literally grips me. At the final “grant us your peace,” of the Agnes Dei, my desire for God’s peace over the world is so strong that I am moved to tears. During this heart pounding moment, which culminates in a flood of what I can only describe as “warmth” flooding over me as I kneel to receive and… (as my dear Carmelite sister Diane says) “my soul bows down,” I am completely captivated by Jesus.
In that moment, as the priest holds the host up over me and says “The Body of Christ,“ everything moves out of focus and into a blur but the Host. I literally hear nothing but the rush of blood flooding my beating heart and pounding in my ears, and as the Host hits my tongue it’s like everything-- I mean EVERYTHING--- melts away into complete and total calm. No more nervous anticipation, no more heart pounding, just a noisy silence, if that makes any sense. Jesus truly brings me that “peace which surpasses all understanding.”
I turn to receive from the cup, and the silence is broken by the words “The Blood of Christ.”
I know that I say “amen,” (I believe!) but I don’t hear myself say it. And as I head back to my pew to fall on my knees, a sense of total withdrawal from the world comes over me. I am usually so moved at this point that I have to hide my face in my hands and pull my veil down low so that I am hidden and no one will see the tears. I am afraid people will think I’m a weirdo!!
This incredible emotional roller coaster has been going on for over a month now.
I want to ask others if they have ever experienced anything similar, but I’m almost afraid to talk about it with people, since it really is a “supernatural“ event.

From what I understand, this is somewhat similar to the Mormon experience of “reading the Book of Mormon,” in which, when the “truth” is revealed to you, a burning sensation occurs in the bosom, based on Luke 24:13-32, where their hearts burned within them as He opened up the scriptures to them.
I do NOT agree with the BOM that this is a valid “litmus test” of proof that the Holy Spirit is at work.
I am, however, interested in discussing this experience with people who have had similar experiences… particularly Catholics.