Instruction in women's attire from the early Church

What follows is a selection of quotes from early fathers on veiling and women's attire. I'll let them speak for themselves.

But we admonish you, too, women of the second (degree of) modesty, who have fallen into wedlock, not to outgrow so far the discipline of the veil, not even in a moment of an hour, as, because you cannot refuse it, to take some other means to nullify it, by going neither covered nor bare.
(...) Arabia's heathen females will be your judges, who cover not only the head, but the face also, so entirely, that they are content, with one eye free, to enjoy rather half the light than to prostitute the entire face.
(...)
It is incumbent, then, at all times and in every place, to walk mindful of the law, prepared and equipped in readiness to meet every mention of God; who, if He be in the heart, will be recognised as well in the head of females. To such as read these (exhortations) with good will, to such as prefer Utility to Custom, may peace and grace from our Lord Jesus Christ redound

- Tertullian, "On the Veiling of Virgins." approx 200 AD

"Let the woman observe this, further. Let her be entirely covered, unless she happens to be at home. For that style of dress is grave, and protects from being gazed at. And she will never fall, who puts before her eyes modesty, and her shawl; nor will she invite another to fall into sin by uncovering her face. For this is the wish of the Word, since it is becoming for her to pray veiled." [Clement, The Instructor 3.12]
Clement of Alexandria, Egypt, approx 190 AD

"And let all the women have their heads covered with an opaque cloth, not with a veil of thin linen, for this is not a true covering."
-- Hippolytus (200 AD), Apostolic Tradition

“Woman, because she was created by being drawn from man’s side, is constantly trying to return to him. She desires the original unity of one flesh and one bone. The desire for unity between man and woman is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the soul. As woman longs for union with man in human relationships, she is also drawn to unity with God. He calls her to become one with Him: to come under His side and become flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. This occurs during reception of the Eucharist. The covering of the head with a veil symbolizes the reality of woman sheltered in the side of her Source and becoming one with Him. She becomes covered and hidden in her Divine Spouse.”

~ St. John Chrysostom, Father and Doctor of the Church

Instruction in Christian prayer from the early Church

Let every faithful man and every faithful woman , when they rise from sleep at dawn, before they undertake any work, wash their hands and pray to God. Then they may go to work. But if there is some instruction in the Word, they shall go there, considering that it is God whom they hear in the one instructing. For having prayed in the assembly, they will be able to avoid all the evils of the day. The pious should consider it a great wrong if they do not go to the place in which they give instruction, especially if they know how to read…

If there is a day when there is no instruction, let each one at home take a holy book and read enough of it to gain an advantage from it.

If you are at home, pray at the third hour and praise God. If you are elsewhere at that time, pray in your heart to God. For in this hour Christ was seen nailed to the wood. And thus in the Old Testament the Law instructed that the shewbread be offered at the third hour as a symbol of the Body and Blood of Christ. And the sacrifice of the irrational lamb was a symbol of the perfect Lamb. For Christ is the Shepherd, and he is also the bread which descended from heaven.

Pray also at the sixth hour. Because when Christ was attached to the wood of the cross, the daylight ceased and became darkness. Thus you should pray a powerful prayer at this hour, imitating the cry of him who prayed...

Pray also at the ninth hour a great prayer with great praise, imitating the souls of the righteous who do not lie, who glorify God who remembered his saints and sent his Word to them to enlighten them. For in that hour Christ was pierced in his side, pouring out water and blood, and the rest of the time of the day, he gave light until evening. This way he made the dawn of another day at the beginning of his sleep, fulfilling the type of his resurrection.

Pray also before your body rests on your bed.

Around midnight rise and wash your hands with water and pray. If you are married, pray together. But if your spouse is not yet baptized, go into another room to pray, and then return to bed. Do not hesitate to pray, for one who has been joined in marital relations is not impure. Those who have bathed have no need to wash again, for they are pure. By catching your breath in your hand and signing yourself with the moisture of your breath, your body is purified, even to the feet. For the gift of the Spirit and the outpouring of the baptism, proceeding from the heart of the believer as though from a fountain, purifies the one who has believed. Thus it is necessary to pray at this hour.

For those elders who handed down the tradition to us taught us that in this hour every creature hushes for a brief moment to praise the Lord. Stars and trees and waters stand still for an instant. All the host of angels serving him, together with the souls of the righteous, praise God. This is why it is important that all those who believe make certain to pray at that hour. Testifying to this, the Lord says thus, "Behold, a cry was made at midnight, saying, 'Behold the bridegroom is coming! Arise to meet him!'" And he adds,
saying, "Watch, therefore, for you do not know when the hour is coming."

Likewise, at the hour of the cock-crow, rise and pray... hoping daily in the hope of eternal light in the resurrection of the dead.

With these things, all you faithful, if you do and remember them, instructing one another, and encouraging the catechumens, you will not be able to be tempted or to perish, having Christ always in your thoughts.

--  St. Hippolytus of Rome written around 215 AD.

Duty and Discipleship

I had a fascinating conversation with my husband yesterday in the car on the way to confession.
As a part of my midwifery studies, I have been seeking out a method or plan for incorporating the concept of discipleship into my practice. I wanted to see my own midwifery practice in the context of ministry to women.
My goal is pure enough, I hope--- if I am to be a Christian midwife, a large part of my role is certainly to encourage wives and mothers to seek God, and I wanted to know how best to pour into them. Should we meet weekly or monthly? Should I be available by phone? Should we have group meetings or one on one? What types of things should we discuss? Was there an order in which to teach these things?

The process of discipleship has always been very fruitful for me. It usually involved an active relationship with a person who had a vested interest in my spiritual well-being and who was willing to take time each week or month to check in and encourage me along the journey. Put simply, a Christian disciple follows Jesus, and takes on intentional relationships that encourage others to follow Jesus as well.

In non-Catholic Christian circles, we were always encouraged to seek out other lay members of the church who seemed to be doing spiritually well to meet for discussion. Could this person be called to disciple me? Conversely, we were encouraged to seek out people we felt called to help who seemed to need it. Could I be called to disciple this person?

Although we were called to evangelize everyone, it was clear that we were also called into unique mentoring relationships with each other, as led by the Holy Spirit.
It was also crystal clear that discipleship happened in this relational context--- as a couple we sought to be discipled by another older, wiser couple. As a woman, I sought an older, wiser woman to befriend me and be a guide towards Jesus. As a mother, it was a given that I was called to disciple my children.

Usually, the person who discipled me required something of me: trust, and obedience. If they were going to take the time out of their own lives to invest in me, they wanted to know that it was having an effect. For that reason, they requested that I be open enough with them to share my true thoughts/feelings (unlike in other relationships where you can certainly gloss over some of the hard stuff.) This was challenging for me especially at first, because I am accustomed to giving people what they want to hear. The person who discipled me needed a lot of patience, grace, and wisdom to get past my outer shell.

They also requested that if we both agreed something needed to be worked on (attacking a particular fault of mine, for example) that I would actually DO what they recommended. If I didn't, they reserved the right to question me honestly, and to withdraw their help -- but not their love or prayers-- when they saw that I was determined to stay on the bad course that I was on. This was also particularly challenging in my case, because I had always struggled with a deep-rooted rebellion against God and any type of authority.

So there is always a place within discipleship for authority and submission. One person leads, and the other follows and submits. There is much potential there for misuse and abuse, which is why the details are so important-- who provides it, and what is their motive?

Also, there is the concept of spiritual parenthood involved. I often say that the woman who primarily discipled me throughout college and beyond is my spiritual mother--- in many ways, my heart is closer to her than to my own mother, because not only did she teach me many of the practical aspects of womanhood and wifehood (care of the body, care of the husband, care of the home, and children) but also the spiritual aspects (she taught me to pray, taught me to war in the Spirit, to fast, and to exercise my faith daily.) For many years she was not able to have children of her own, and I was moved whenever I prayed for her to think what a true mother she actually was to me. Similarly, her father was my first real pastor-- a person whose own faith and public teaching led me directly to confront my own sins and the majesty of God, and to begin in practical ways to not only accept the reality of the Cross but to embrace it. When her father saw that I wanted more, he recommended that I speak to her because he knew that I needed a woman to guide me in ways he was not called to, and the wisdom of being willing to relinquish the authority and trust I had given him is not something I will ever forget. Like her wise father, his wise daughter-- who had been an authoritative guide for me throughout my adult single life-- similarly relinquished the trust and authority I had given her over my life when I became a married woman.

An important side note here is that I don't believe we NEED that human interaction to be able to discern God's voice to us. Those living in solitude are able to commune with God and take positive steps towards godly living solely by reading the scriptures and praying in the Spirit. BUT there is a vast benefit to having faithful people around us to confirm a word or thought, and also to help us when we stray the path and cross over into places we ought not.

We have to remember that this relationship of discipleship is not ultimately a means of creating carbon-copies of individual people (that would be a misuse of authority) but rather a means of living our best lives, imitating the disciple of Christ in his seeking after the face of God.

Even so, there is a practical aspect that comes into play. If I am being discipled by someone, I come to conform very much to their way of thinking and doing. If they have "put on the mind of Christ," (1 Cor 2:13-16) this is a good thing, but some people in their own sinfulness might want the person they are discipling to conform to the way they do things (Be it how they dress, talk, eat, pray... whatever). This can be very harmful, so a necessary virtue of a person doing the discipling is humility. This is a protection for the person being discipled AND the person doing the discipling. Just as a parent raising a child does not seek to create a carbon copy of himself, but will still see himself reflected often in the interests and mannerisms of his child, so a person in a discipleship relationship must be aware that the disciple belongs to Jesus.

I remember often calling the woman who discipled me to ask for help (the same way people call their mother!) when in need of clear, spiritual thinking and advice for most of my adult life, but one day after  I was married,  I noticed that instead of giving me a clear answer she began to say to me: "what does your husband think?"
At first, this frustrated me to no end. If I wanted to know what my husband thought, I would have asked him. I wanted to know what she thought, because I felt she had the answers. She was closer to God, and more spiritual. Plus, she was a woman, and just understood me better. Right? Hehe.

But she knew this was wrong. Ever so gently she continued to encourage me to ask my husband, and as she did it dawned on me that this was God's will for my life. I had married a man, and in doing so, given him spiritual authority over my life. I was called not only to respect and love him but to submit to him, and though I had been quite quick in my choice of a husband, I knew it was in God's hands now. Her encouragement, though it "weaned" me into a different type of relationship with her, was priceless in that it led me to confront a reality of married life I had not spent enough time understanding previous to becoming married: it was now my husband who was going to primarily disciple me. Many thoughts flooded me. Was he spiritual enough? Would he be able to guide me? Would he satisfy that craving I had for more relationship (which was ultimately a craving for more of God?)

And these ideas, sadly, took the back burner while I learned to be a wife to the particular man I married and faced the challenges of the practical aspects of wifehood and new motherhood. Although we prayed, this period in my life was mostly marked my trials and error in the keeping of the household.... learning to build family culture. However, I felt strongly that we kept failing at it--- mostly because we often were at odds in our ideas about HOW to run the house and what God's will for us was. We were also often at odds because children can get in the way of a marital relationship if you let them, and we have lots of them. Mostly we were at odds because I wanted him to change and be more like me, and he wanted me to change and be more like him. What we really needed was to both change and be more like Jesus.

I often returned to the idea of discipleship to help me. I knew that my husband was supposed to disciple me, but it still felt helpful to have someone outside of the marriage to lead me, mostly because I felt that my husband had only his interests at heart in what he wanted to lead me in. This wasn't true, mind you, but came out of my own innate rebellion against his God-given authority over the family. And though I looked and looked, no one offered to take on this role of discipling me, so I felt that God had clearly spoken about it.

To add to the confusion, we returned to the Catholic Church a few years into our marriage, and though it was wonderful and right because we believed the Bible teaches the doctrines of the Church, these clear lines of what discipleship WAS became slightly blurry and confusing for me, instead of a normative process.
First, because the Catholic Church, like Ancient Israel, is a mess. The most sublime of divine truths are taught and promulgated by her, as a sacred heart beating wildly with love for God and for His plan for mankind pumping life into the world,  but the most hardened and rebellious of people clog through her tired veins. It is easy to understand why in Luke 18:8 Scripture asks us: "When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
And second, because two new words began to be introduced into my Christian vocabulary as a Catholic: Catechesis and Spiritual Direction.

Catechesis is the process of handing down the faith. In a formal sense, a catechist gives lessons on true doctrine. At first, I understood catechesis to be sitting down with a catechism-- the tool of the catechist-- and learning / confirming what we understood from reading sacred scripture and studying the lives of the saints and fathers, etc. Over time, I began to understand that catechesis happens not only when I am sitting around the table with an open bible and catechism and my children, but also when I am praying with them at night before bed, or having a right response before them, etc. In short, I began to equate catechesis with this idea of discipleship--- a lifelong, relational process.

Similarly, Spiritual Direction is the receiving of catechism in a personal sense. A spiritual director is a person with whom you have a clear relationship for JUST the purpose of direction (these relationships do not blur the lines of friendship in a traditional sense) and who is invested solely in your spiritual well-being, in guiding you towards holiness and sainthood in a concrete sense. Typically, a spiritual director is also your confessor, the person to whom you confess your sins,  because traditionally, spiritual directors are priests. This is because priests have been given the authority by the apostolic Church to teach the "true faith" and to guide souls. (which isn't to say that there aren't some awful priests out there, because they are. But it is the Bishop's responsibility to ensure that the priests in their diocese are up to the task. And not all priests are spiritual directors, nor do they want to be.) These mentors are also found in monastaries and hermitages-- there is a long Christian tradition of looking for and receiving profound spiritual answers from holy men and women living in these places. I have hiked up some of these ancient mountains and visited some of these ancient caves and I can attest to the fact that even centuries later, these wise saints are still speaking to us and giving us spiritual direction.

Spiritual directors have a responsibility to be open to the Holy Spirit, but they also have a responsibility to follow certain methods which have been handed down throughout Christian history, and not to innovate. We have no need for innovation, because truth be told-- there is one path towards sanctity: a personal relationship with Our Lord, and character  built by the acceptance of our vocational duty. Some spiritual directors are lay people, but those lay people have had the authority to call themselves spiritual directors vested upon themselves by the Church--- in Catholic teaching, no one is advised to  just start advising people because they think they should. Dwelling on that for a minute, it became clear to me that there is a vast difference between the idea of discipleship in protestant circles and in Catholic circles.

In other words, discipleship is tied in with the concepts of authority and submission. Because the non-Catholic Christian concept of authority in the church is fuzzy, as my husband spoke I began to see it as the image of divorce--- we *give* authority to a person until they no longer do something we accept, and then we take it from them and might give it to another. The Catholic concept of authority, on the other hand, is the image of marriage and family-- either we are born into the Church and accept it's authority from infancy or we enter into courtship with the Church and study her doctrines, accept them, and come UNDER her authority, accepting it as we do in marriage. Forever.

Now, I have had several spiritual directors as a Catholic, and met with varying degrees of success. The most fruitful have come from a parish priest, from a carmelite nun, and from an Opus Dei priest. I have also taken on a saint as my spiritual director, devoting myself to studying their spiritual writings and their lives for a time. My general impression of the face to face is that it was no where near as effective for me as the protestant discipleship model because my spiritual directors don't know me or my family and friends personally and therefore has a limited scope and view of the situations I relate.

On the other hand, this can be beneficial, too--- sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees, and distance helps. But more often than not I have left spiritual direction frustrated. Following a saint's life, however, has been very fruitful. I don't have a spiritual director at this time, but I have also received unexpected spiritual direction that was excellent from many priests, often just after confession. I find that when I return to them for more at another time with the intent of seeking direction, they often disappoint me. In other words, God has been at work but when I tried to take the reigns, I was prevented.

As I said before,   in protestant circles, everyone was always abuzz with the word discipleship, and it was a given that at any moment we should be in discipleship relationships with one another, both discipling and being discipled.
In contrast, Catholic circles, everyone I know WANTS a good spiritual director, and no one can find one. Seminarians and priests are strongly encouraged to have one, but lay persons tend to struggle to find one that fits. Catechesis happens successfully in different contexts but is a given IF a Catholic wants it-- but those who don't can go through life free of doctrinal constraints quite easily. We sadly ALL know Cradle Catholics who are indistinguishable from their pagan or atheist counterparts in the world in thought, word, and deed.

So reflecting on all of this, I set to work attempting to build a model in my mind of the ideal midwifery discipleship model. What does discipleship look like for women who are called to be with women?
Certainly, midwifery encompasses "women's ministry," but because it involves childbearing and marriage, health and fertility,  it also goes deeper. There is a quote about midwifery that states: "Birth is as safe as life gets." It is so profound, because birth and childbearing is a perfect analogy for life. We labor in pain and toil for a seemingly unending period of time, and just when it looks like things are at there worst, a most glorious event occurs: birth, which includes both deliverance and perfect joy. From our innermost secret parts we bring forth something that melts and gives hope to the whole world. Not only that, but we then co-operate with God to raise this baby--- forcing us to LIVE the principles which we speak of and preach. When we don't, our sin goes before us and is visible to the whole world. Life and death hang in the balance. The entire process, from beginning to end, is rich with spiritual meaning.

Before midwives practiced obstetrics, they relied on faith, herbalism, and their spiritual formation in all things pertaining to womanhood. An OBGYN can see a stalled labor and pull a baby out with forceps, using his understanding of anatomy. And sadly, this type of behavior has been known to have adverse effects on both baby and mother.
But a midwife can see a stalled labor and coax a baby out using spiritual means-- by encouraging the mother to bond with the baby and speak to it, or to let go of whatever fears she has about motherhood, or by crying out to God on her behalf. This isn't to say that anatomy and physiology don't play a role in midwifery-- they absolutely do. But a midwife operates holistically, connecting dots between the mind, body, and soul of the laboring mother, educating her,  and providing a culture of encouragement that allows the MOTHER  to take responsibility for her own choices and outcomes, whereas a doctor simply "knows best" and does "FOR" the mother what she is often better suited-- but unable at the time-- to do for herself.
This causes me to reflect on the role of God when we call him "the Divine Physician." For certainly midwives and doctors are both healers in the truest sense of the term, but in today's usage while midwives encourage education, growth, and self- care, doctors use physical intervention and mechanisms, until last we hear from them we this common phrase: "We've done all we can. It's up to God now." In the past, both roles were necessary, but more and more women are being asked to chose one or the other.

However, God does both, and for that reason what we learn from Him as "healers" should be reflected in our discipleship, whether we are on the giving or the receiving end.

All of this led me to ask my husband what he felt was a good model for discipleship in the context of midwifery. I explained my thoughts, and he listened, but during the course of my explaining, he became slightly frustrated with me. Confused, I asked him what was wrong with what I was hoping to generate.

And once I got past my usual bristling when he corrects me, I realized he was saying something deeply important-- that though there was a time and a place for the type of "discipleship" I had experienced in the past, in similar settings, there was a deeper layer to the requirements of discipleship for Christians.

"We aren't protestants," he began, "and we don't need to re-invent the wheel. The model you are looking for already exists. It's called duty." Ugh, I thought, Here we go.
"You don't need a model for discipleship," he began. "The Gospels themselves provide us with the model."
"Women achieve sanctity through a personal relationship with God and primarily through doing their duty. They have no real need to have a committee with each other about how to do it, because none of them can tell each other how to do it, and all it does is cause confusion at best and strife at worst between them. If you are a wife, your husband has the God-given authority to disciple you, and anything another woman might tell you about how to live just doesn't matter.She might have insight for you, but learning is more caught than taught.You don't NEED to sit down and talk about it."
Easy for you to say, I thought.

At the time, I became angry and indignant because I felt that my husband had not ever really embraced this role as discipler of his wife, but in doing so, I failed completely to see the irony that even as I asked myself that question, he was doing just that!  He was giving me spiritual advice, and I was rejecting it on the grounds that he couldn't possibly understand what women go through! Again!

He continued to explain that unlike in other ecclesial communities, the Church grants authority to a person who has been tested and found true who can offer spiritual advice. These are usually priests, and a good one is hard to find, but we should persist in seeking these faithful priests out until we find them. They are our only spiritual authority. In the home, discipleship for women and children was clearly laid out as an example in marriage. Look at the holy family-- Mary listened to Joseph and followed his lead, praying all the while and meditating on the things happening to her. Jesus, the bible tells us, was obedient to Mary and Joseph, growing up under them.

Then he asked me: "How many women do you know who faithfully do their duty to God and their families, and never sway from it into selfishness and self-serving behavior? How many faithful, impeccable, heroic women do you really know? Are you perfect? Then why do you think it's your job to disciple other women? And what can you receive from them that you do not receive from the Holy Spirit and from me and from your priest?"

Many things went through my mind. "Fellowship," was the answer I gave in my head. But fellowship is not necessarily discipleship!
Of course, he and I both know that discipleship is a requirement of the Christian life and he certainly wasn't saying that we aren't ALL called to be disciples AND to disciple others. At the same time, I couldn't help but agree with his emphasis on diverting my train of thought as he continued to speak.

He pointed out that usually meeting one on one with other women several times a week took time away from my "real" alleged priorities--- the ones I claimed were at the center: my family's needs. I felt justified in doing it because it seemed from my perspective to be a normative part of christian ministry, and felt self-righteous and indignant when he pointed it out because HE takes time out to spend an hour with friends here or there each week.... with us around, granted, but he was just playing with his friends, wasn't he? While I had a spiritual agenda with these women, Right? So shouldn't MY needs take the priority in a Christian house until he started doing that too? Hah.

And yet, he was right on, I realized with a sting. Here I was ignoring my family under the pretense of helping these women to not ignore their own families, while here he was wordlessly creating a powerful example of faithful family life by incorporating friends and acquaintances into our family life so they could see it themselves... in action... and not just talk about it. The reality was that I was bitter about it because my way involved quiet, enjoyable one on one time in a setting I controlled and therefore "looked good in," whereas his way involved me remaining in a state of servanthood and the possibility of my own sin going before me at any given moment! Ugh.

I also thought vicious thoughts about his own imperfections. I felt that he had failed to disciple me and therefore do the very duty he was promulgating because he doesn't usually carve out time each week to ask me how I feel about where I am at spiritually. Oh, my deceitful heart!! Every day that my husband provides an example for us is a day he disciples me. And every day that my husband reminds me of my duty is a day he disciples me. Every day my husband prays with me , reads his bible, encourages me to introduce myself and the kids to a new mom at church... is a day he is discipling me. Even in the stressful times in life when he had failed to do any of  those things, just by being with him and listening to him and sharing life with him, he helped make me a better person.

Discipleship under my husband didn't have to look like him and I sitting and drinking tea and searching the scriptures, although it could.

No, discipleship under my husband was instead a very different, much busier and more ordinary type of picture: cooking a meal side by side for unexpected guests, or tag team parenting an unruly kiddo, or taking turns reading bedtime stories to the family, or seeing him get up early to read his bible before heading off to work.

What's more-- when I recognized that for what it was instead of trying to re-invent ways to make my own voice heard, my children began to grasp the same concept and to TURN to us for their important questions. And, for the record, those times he does speak sharply, or forget to pray with us, or whatever other failure he might have,  he disciples us when he turns around and repents. Just like when we both have failed, our children will bring us back to a repentant place. Like a perfect circle, our family disciples each other, each taking turns to spiritually feed and direct the other.

In the end, REAL discipleship for the married woman is completely tied into my duty--and it's a lot less glamorous than I had envisioned. Good bye cute coffee shop and hello boring sink full of dishes. Goodbye weekly bible study and hello messy morning devotional around the kitchen table. But though I had begun to see the beauty in that, as I sat in the car and listened to him, slowly dying to myself and my ideas about what discipleship "must" look like, I was sad and upset. He was calling for more service, and more loneliness or separation from my friends, and not at all the type of bond with other women that had brought me to the place I held now as wife and mother. But as I listened, I discovered that the fruit of that type of hidden life was something I had witnessed all along! In fact, the longer I reflected, the more I saw this bright picture becoming clearer and clearer in my mind... my husband was right on.

In the picture, I saw myself, being discipled by the faithful daughter in the family I described above. we met often, and in the quiet space between our words I did a lot of growing. It was a model that had worked very well for me, at the time. But there were other things happening to me too back then, things that were being built but that I hadn't picked up on.

In my minds' eye, I saw the other women in the family who had sort of escaped my notice. One was a sister who was married, and very kind. I had babysat for her and really enjoyed their family. But as she was married and had a home of her own, I rarely interacted with her in the context of learning about Christian living in the family home she had grown up in. When  I had babysat for her, I supposed I actually had learned about Christian living by what was expected of me... praying with the children. Caring for her son and her daughter who had down's syndrome with great love and attention. Keeping things neat, and orderly. Giving nourishing food and nourishing thoughts to her children. Serving her husband. She was discipling me!

My mind moved to another person in the picture: the mother in the family. I had met her the first day I attended at bible study in their home. And I had found her insufferably silent.
Yes, her house was impeccable, her children were polite and faithful, her husband was an obviously deeply spiritual man with a quiet, but deep, love and affection for her.

But instead of animatedly engaging us in the bible study we held every week at her house and taking the spotlight right next to him, she sat on the steps in the back of the group, getting up only to help someone find the restroom, find a seat, or find a passage in their bible. She attended to the needs of their other sons. She was beautiful, and clearly loved and Godly and was important to her family and to the group, so I wondered why she was so.... meek.

Over the years, I came to know her a little better. The family brought me on vacation with them, and blessed me tremendously by allowing me to share in their life a little, which painted a very different picture for me than the family life I had experienced. A life centered on the Lordship of Jesus Christ. A Kingdom life. Her personality began to be more known to me, and I realized I had been completely wrong-- she had a LOT of it! She often opened her home to her daughter's friends and together they helped us learn to keep house, to pray, to raise a family. But always she remained at her husband's side, quietly encouraging her children as they blossomed. What a faithful woman! What a glorious example, I realized. She was discipling me!

I am married now, with a family of my own, and though I have spent countless wasted years trying to escape the requirements of married life, the reality is that what I want-- discipleship that leads me to the quiet peace of God's presence-- is completely tied in to my duty. When I was a single young women, my duty was completely different than my duty as a wife and mother!

With deep love for him, and a repentant heart, I looked over.
My husband finished by pointing out that this wrong idea about discipleship being anything less than doing our duty and living by example was like the last frontier of feminism that has infiltrated the Church, and that women in the church everywhere were completely deceived and deceiving.

We have all these good, godly women trying hard to live lives submitted to God and family, and yet they are running all over the place and exhausting themselves at best, ignoring their families at worst,  trying to build relationships over and under each other and attempting to take what is not theirs to give but God's-- power. Under the pretext of "helping women."

They are reading and writing books about how to run households and make schedules and raise children and have loving marriages and powerful women's ministry but they are not DOING the one thing that shows by example without a doubt that they have understood what is required of them: to obey their husbands and to love them, to educate their children and to live by example, and to teach and train the younger women, beginning with their own children, to be faithful, prayerful, and dutiful by example. Which isn't to say that there ISN'T a time and a place for doing that, but rather to point out that discipleship takes many different forms, and is always tied in to our vocational duty.

Catholic wives and mothers and midwives don't contracept, and many of us are likely to keep having very busy family lives for quite some time. Keeping our families TRULY first is really the only way to ensure a fruitful ministry.

And I had been falling for it, hook, line, and sinker, seeking to focus my duty towards other women and my own self, without the greater context of my foremost duty towards my husband, and my family. Why? Because I want to be in charge, and I like coffee shops and talking loud. And because I like friends, and people who ask me how I'm doing.  Duh. :)

So for me, what that looks like practically was that my midwifery needs to have room for my family, needs to come after my family, and needs to be lived by example, daily. It didn't mean I was going to stop blogging or holding workshops or anything like that, but it did mean that I was going to feel a little bit better about having "tea" with my kids instead of my girlfriends each day. And it did mean that folding laundry, a drudgery I cannot even begin to describe, suddenly had great significance, even with regards to other women. Over time, I've learned that God is very involved in the ordinary things of life. Discipleship was like a last frontier in my spiritual life that I thought was supposed to remain extraordinary, but now I see that it is glorious, although mundane.

But we urge you, bretheren, to excel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need. - 1 Thessalonians 4:11

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5.

Thankful for Advent 2011

My place card from last year's Christmas Feast :)

We had my annual Thankful for Advent party last night and I have to say, though the turnout was way smaller this year this is rapidly becoming one of my favorite traditions!!

There is something really special about getting together with other women who want their kids and families to have a spectacular advent and Christmas scene not because of commercialism or nostalgia but because of Jesus Christ! It's amazing.
In fact, I like it so much I think I am going to organize a similar event each year based on planning for the Lent and Easter seasons. It's a perfect mix of singing, holiday foods and drinks, cheer, prayer, Bible study and open discussion about creating or continuing traditions and their impacts. 

This year in particular, I've been struck by how many stores had Christmas trees up before Halloween and how many of my friends and family are so disgusted by the whole thing that they just write off Christmas. But that's why we need the Church, who provides a compass to help us make our way through the crazy and the materialistic nonsense and moves us into meaningful use of our calendar to mark sacred time that leads to sacred things. Christmas is not something we can skip. It's the celebration of our Savior, come to earth--- God with us! Advent is the perfect way to prepare for Christmas, take a breather, without feeling ANY let down that Christmas can bring from being too focused on people, places, things, or events. The Church year is a soul-journey. Taking the journey together is the POINT of Christianity. As we learned last night, that's real Christmas magic.

I know many of you who live near me had to miss the party last night and I hope that providing the discussion outline will help you to meditate on ways you can find your way along the path towards Christ this year. If you are a person who believes that Jesus is the Messiah but does not celebrate Christmas, I encourage you to read along anyways, perhaps you will find a meaningful idea or practice you can incorporate here regardless, and at the very least, it may help you to understand that those of us walking around excited about Christmas aren't G-dless Heathens. ;)

Thankful for Advent Party 2011

CALL TO ATTENTION….O Come O Come Emmanuel 

Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

Oh come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Thy people with Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

Oh come, Thou rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'ver the grave

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!
Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!


OPENING PRAYER
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the sameHoly Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations, Through Christ Our Lord, Amen. 

BIBLE STUDY
We are going to start with a brief bible study.

i. Advent is about Christmas, and Christmas is about the birth and incarnation of Jesus. What makes us know that Jesus is the promised Messiah? If we could answer that question, we can help millions of beautiful, well meaning people all across the world find what they are looking for, and see peace on earth, so that when we say: Peace on earth and goodwill towards men, we not only mean it but can do our part to accomplish it!

ii. It seems funny to start before Jesus, but really the story of Jesus begins before Creation. Salvation history shows us a series of covenants, each building upon the other. (To understand this clearly, I recommend a book by Scott and Kimberly Hahn called "From Genesis to Jesus," which walks us through the scriptures to demonstrate clearly what God's plan of salvation is.) These covenants are: Creation, Noah and the renewed creation, Abraham the Father of the Faith, Moses and the Israelites, the Covenant with David, and Jesus, the fulfillment of all promises. 

iii. We don’t have time to cover all of it, or even come close. But we do have time to focus on two very important pieces of the puzzle that will enrich your Advent thoughts. Tonight we will focus on the prophecies of Isaiah regarding the Messiah, helping us to know that Jesus really IS the promised messiah.

THE PROPHECIES of Isaiah

THE FULFILLMENT in Jesus of Nazareth:

Will be born of a virgin (Is 7:14)

Jesus was born of a virgin named Mary (Mt 1:23; Lk 1:26-31)

He will come from the lineage of King David (Is 11:1-2, 10; 16:5)

Jesus was a descendant of King David and was the fulfillment of the covenant promise made to David (Mt 1:1; Lk 3:31-32; Ac 2:29-36)

Will have a Galilean ministry (Is 9:1, 2)

His ministry began in Galilee of the Gentiles (Mt 4:12-16; Mk 1:1-15; Lk 4:14-15; Jn 2:1)

Will be an heir to the throne of David (Is 9:7; 11:1, 10)

Jesus was given the throne of His father David (Lk 1:32-33)

Will have His way prepared (Is 40:3-5)

Jesus was announced by John the Baptist (Mt 3:1-3; Mk 1:1-3; Lk3:2-5; Jn 1:19-28)

Will be spat on and struck (Is 50:6)

He was spat on and beaten (Mt 26:67; Mk 10:34; Lk 22:63-65)

Will be exalted (Is 52:13)

He was highly exalted by God and the New Covenant people (Ph 2:9, 10)

Will be disfigured by suffering (Is 52:14; 53:2)

Jesus was scourged by Roman soldiers who gave Him a crown of thorns (Mt 27:27-31; Mk 15:15-19; Jn 19:1-3)

Will make a blood atonement (Is 53:5)

Shed His blood to atone for our sins (Mt 26:28; Rm 3:25; Heb 9:11-12, 18-22; 1Pt 1:2)

Will be widely rejected (Is 53:1, 3)

Jesus was not accepted by many (Jn 12:37, 38)

Will bear our sins and sorrows (Is 53:4, 5)

He died because of our sins (Rm 4:25; 1Pt 2:24, 25)

Will be our substitute (Is 53:6, 8)

Jesus died in our place (Rm 5:6, 8; 2 Co 5:21)

Will voluntarily accept our guilt and punishment for sin(Is 53:7, 8)

Jesus took on our sins upon Himself (Jn 1:29; Rm 6:10; 2 Co 5:21)

Gentiles will seek Him (Is 11:10)

Gentiles came to speak to Jesus (Mt 8:5-13; 15:21-28; Mk 7:25-30; 21)

Will be silent before His accusers(Is 53:7)

He was silent before Herod and his court (Lk 23:9)

Will save us who believe in Him (Is 53:12)

Jesus provided salvation for all who believe (Jn 3:16; Ac 16:31)

Will die with sinners (Is 53:12)

Jesus was numbered with the sinners (Mk 15:27, 28; Lk 22:37)

God’s Anointed will heal the spiritually wounded and brokenhearted and to comfort those who mourn (Is 61:1, 2)

Jesus was God’s Anointed who healed the spiritually wounded and brokenhearted and the comfort those who mourn (Mt 3:16; 5:5; Lk 4:18-19)

God’s Spirit will rest on Him (Is 11:2)

The Spirit of God descended on Jesus (Mt 3:16; Mk 1:10; Lk 3:22; 4:1)

Will be buried in a rich man’s tomb (Is 53:9)

Jesus was buried in the tomb of Joseph, a rich man from Arimathea (Mt 27:57-60; Jn 19:38-42)

He will judge the earth with righteousness (Is 11:4, 5)

Jesus was given authority to judge (Jn 5:27; Lk 19:22; 2 Tm 4:1, 8)

TRADITIONS
So now that we know why we are celebrating the advent of our messiah, we need to know a few things about the season of advent. 

1. Advent is a season of PENANCE and PURIFICATION. Like a "little Lent," Advent carries us not through a season of rejoicing necessarily (that's what Christmas is for) but a season of focus on our sinfulness and our NEED for a Savior. The liturgical color of Advent, like Lent, is purple, which represents sorrow for our sins. We should make the time for practices like fasting (Orthodox Christians to this day fast from all products containing lard, butter, cream, etc.) examination of conscience (doing a daily check-in with God to see how we may have sinned and what we should do about it) and also regular confession. During Advent, we wait in hushed expectation for the coming of the Lord and examine our hearts... and this is especially important in light of the fact that we know Jesus is coming AGAIN and that there will be judgement at that time. When I asked the question: "Are you prepared to FACE the Lord? When he came at Christmas, He came as a little baby, bringing a promise of judgement and justice. This time, He comes in all His glory!! Are we ready for that?" We ALL have to hang our heads in shame. None of us is really ready for that. Advent is the time to get ready. Attack your sins with a vengeance!

2. Acts of Service. While penance and charity are two sides of the same coin, we often ignore one or the other. Advent is a good time to ensure that we are doing both. Ideally, during Advent it is a wonderful idea to take extra steps to reach out to those whom we have wronged or who we have difficulties with because they have wronged us. But it is also a great time to reach out to those who are alone and suffering alone. Some families make it a point to write letters on the four Sundays of Advent to people in their family they have wronged or who they struggle with... letters of forgiveness and compassion and kindness. Some people visit hospitals, visit shut ins or retirement communities, even elderly priests, and bring homemade breads or cookies, sing, or even prepare a nativity play or some other activity. Advent caroling is a wonderful activity that my family enjoys very much.... we simply walk from house to house in our neighborhood, singing hymns of Advent. I've seen people cry, hug us, etc. It's amazing what an impact this can have on a community. Families may enjoy taking Advent to make Christmas Cards they will send off for Christmas. Kids in particular enjoy this task. One tradition that is commonly shared is that of "Kris Kringles" (Christ Child.) We know it as Secret Santa, but returning to it's roots shows us the point of this tradition is not materialism and the accumulation of junk but of love. Family members or friends can draw names out of a hat and then spend Advent secretly doing acts of kindness and service for the person whose name they drew. Also popular is the idea of "Advent Angels." Similarly, names are drawn, and then we agree to pray for the person every day of Advent. At the end, you can even throw a party where you share who your person was and what happened. :) One of the most popular advent traditions regarding acts of service is that of simply baking cookies and breads and bringing them to neighbors. What a joy it has been for us to receive a beautiful plate of gingerbread cookies from neighbors we don't know well, giving us an opportunity to talk. Another idea I love is that of putting a bowl of straw somewhere central in the house. next to it, an empty "crib" made of wood or popsicle sticks. Whenever a child in the home does an act of service or kindess, a piece of straw is transferred to the Crib, making a soft bed for Jesus by the time He arrives. What a powerful image for the children to retain!

3. Prayer. Advent is a time to pray like we've never prayed before. If we are truly preparing for the coming of Christ, we should pray, because prayer is our pipeline to God. Many Catholics who do not pray the Liturgy of the Hours (our way of praying the psalms without ceasing) will do so now, and you can pray along with us using this website if you don't have the book by going to the site and then clicking on the appropriate time of prayer (morning, daytime, evening, or night): http://divineoffice.org/

The Advent Wreath in particular is a powerful tradition that incorporates prayer and song (He who sings prays twice, right?) and which children in particular absolutely LOVE. For many people who are concerned about the possible pagan origins of a tradition, the advent wreath may be particularly meaningful because it stems from the Sabbath lights lit by the Jews in obedience to God and in anticipation of the Messiah. During Advent, like on Shabbat, we light the night, bless, pray and sing! And advent wreath can look any way you like: four candles in a row, a ring of candles, etc. It can be decorated or not. It can consist of four taper candles, pillar candles, etc. Traditionally, the advent wreath has three purple candles, one pink, and one large white candle in the center. The first two sundays we light only the first, and then the second purple candles, the third a pink (the third sunday is called Gaudete Sunday -- the rejoicing Sunday) and then purple again. On Christmas Day we can finally light the Christ Candle in the center. My family lights the candles (I do that, just like I light the Sabbath lights) and we hold hands (or not) and sing O Come O Come Emmanuel followed by the blessing of the bread and wine and food. They remain lit during the meal and are put out afterwards. My kids, even the tinyest ones, have the song memorized by the end of advent and will generally make me nuts by singing it from morning til night in anticipation of the great Candle Lighting Moment. I highly recommend it. 

For more information about Advent Wreaths, please see this link: http://www.fisheaters.com/customsadvent2.html

You can also create a prayer book for your children. Kids loving cutting things out and pasting them, so find some meaningful scriptures and prayers you read regularly, cut and paste pictures you find online that speak to you, and bind the whole thing with ribbon. Kids will LOVE reading these before bed, and it's a great way to build prayer into your normal reading and play time together.

The Jesse Tree is another tradition that many families find meaningful. Either a real tree or a large poster or wall hanging of a tree is used to hang ornaments, one a day for all of advent, representing different facets of Salvation history leading up to Christ. This brings the Old Testament to life for people and is also a fun activity you can do with children-- although many people purchase their own Jesse Tree ornaments, most families read the scripture for the day and then make their own ornaments, which is great. There are MANY websites which describe different ways of doing the Jesse Tree. One such website I recommend is here: 

http://www.fisheaters.com/customsadvent9.html

(note, the author of that site feels very strongly that the Star of David is not an appropriate symbol for Christians to use and not a biblical symbol to represent Judaism and King David. You may disagree with her opinion and want to just ignore the bottom section, the rest of it you will not find offensive.)

Advent Calendars are similar ways to draw the family to prayer. 24 little doors are opened behind which are scriptures to read that lead us towards Christ's arrival. You can read more about advent calendars here: 

http://www.fisheaters.com/customsadvent12.html

Lastly, nativity scenes (the Crèche, where I come from) are also ways to pray in the season. Families will unite to gather items in the natural environment (moss, grass, sand, etc) and creative elements (tin foil, wrapping paper, etc) to create a "scene" of the nativity. (many include figures representing various family members or villagers.)

As the figurines are placed, it is useful to pray for the virtues represented by each "character" present: for example, you may want to place one figurine each day, and as you place: 

- The Angel, pray for the grace to be a messenger of joy with  your positive and encouraging words that day.

-Saint Joseph, pray for the grace to be ready and willing to listen to God and do His will.

-The Blessed mother, pray to be more aware of Jesus' presence as you go about the day's duties.

-The Shepherd, pray to do your duty faithfully and lovingly.

-The Ox, pray to cheerfully accept each task assigned to you.

-The lamb, pray to follow the shepherd wherever he may lead.

-The Donkey, pray to lighten the burdens of others by carrying along family and friends.... etc.

The O Antiphons begin December 17. At that time, we find ourselves faced with beautiful depictions of Christ's person which we can work into our prayer any number of ways, from declaring them over our dinners before we eat to using them in the liturgy of the hours, advent wreaths, or even the Jesse Tree.  You can read more about them here: http://www.fisheaters.com/customsadvent10.html

4. Gift Giving and Feasting. Though Advent has a penitential character, the Church year contains feasts which are best taken advantage of for the character building potential they contain if nothing else. We celebrate the saints because we believe that there are no dead in Christ, therefore we honor those who have gone before as if they were still with us-- because they are. Just as we have certain friends here on earth who help us more than others and who have guided us, by their prayers and example, we have certain friends in heaven who lead us towards Christ by guiding us through their prayers and example. Some of the feast days which can be used to celebrate a particular event that leads to Christmas are: 

December 4, Saint Barbara's feast day. St Barbara was a virgin and martyr killed by her own father for serving her heavenly Father. On her feast day, people in the south of France plant little containers of wheat which will grow all of advent. On Christmas, they will be ready to place in the nativity scene, and red ribbon will be wrapped around them for decoration. Since she was a martyr, on St Barbara's day we decorate with red.

December 6 is the feast of St Nicholas, which most people today know as Santa Claus. For our kids, December 6 includes a surprise "visit" from St Nick who brings oranges and chocolate coins in their shoes, placed there the night before. For some people, this is the time the stockings are filled. This is also a great day to make a meal for a needy family or something similar.

The Feast of St Lucy is December 13, and a family favorite around here. For more information on traditions and ideas, see my best read blog, here: http://marymission.blogspot.com/2010/12/saints-on-saturdays-lights-lussekatter.html

The feast of the Immaculate Conception and the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe are also popular days of celebration and appropriate SMALL gift-giving moments. Lastly, there is also Hannukah, which you can read about here: http://www.joi.org/celebrate/hanuk/index.shtml Catholics can read about Hannukah in our bibles (the story is NOT found in protestant Bibles!) and that alone might make it a good reason to celebrate. :)

If gift giving seems to be too much for just ONE day, do consider spreading it out and doing it in very small doses through many of these exciting and wonderful feast days and even during the Christmas Season itself, which contains many opportunities and feasts. More on that next blog :)

The general rule for Advent decorating is UNDERSTATED. All the ornaments come out for Christmas, so during advent we have a few physical reminders (the wreath, the jesse tree) that Christmas is NEAR but that we aren't ready yet. 

Instead, focus your traditions on prayer and song, giving and fasting.

I hope this has been helpful! May God bless you this advent season, sisters, as you prepare your hearts and help your families to recieve Him in the fullness of His glory!

All I want to say today....

Is that He loves us..... Oh, how He loves us!
And if you don't know it now... you will.

Theology Thursdays- Declaration on Christian Education

DECLARATION ON CHRISTIAN EDUCATION
GRAVISSIMUM EDUCATIONIS
PROCLAIMED BY HIS HOLINESS POPE PAUL VI ON OCTOBER 28, 1965

INTRODUCTION

The Sacred Ecumenical Council has considered with care how extremely important education is in the life of man and how its influence ever grows in the social progress of this age.(1)

Indeed, the circumstances of our time have made it easier and at once more urgent to educate young people and, what is more, to continue the education of adults. Men are more aware of their own dignity and position; more and more they want to take an active part in social and especially in economic and political life.(2) Enjoying more leisure, as they sometimes do, men find that the remarkable development of technology and scientific investigation and the new means of communication offer them an opportunity of attaining more easily their cultural and spiritual inheritance and of fulfilling one another in the closer ties between groups and even between peoples.

Consequently, attempts are being made everywhere to promote more education. The rights of men to an education, particularly the primary rights of children and parents, are being proclaimed and recognized in public documents.(3) As the number of pupils rapidly increases, schools are multiplied and expanded far and wide and other educational institutions are established. New experiments are conducted in methods of education and teaching. Mighty attempts are being made to obtain education for all, even though vast numbers of children and young people are still deprived of even rudimentary training and so many others lack a suitable education in which truth and love are developed together.

To fulfill the mandate she has received from her divine founder of proclaiming the mystery of salvation to all men and of restoring all things in Christ, Holy Mother the Church must be concerned with the whole of man's life, even the secular part of it insofar as it has a bearing on his heavenly calling.(4) Therefore she has a role in the progress and development of education. Hence this sacred synod declares certain fundamental principles of Christian education especially in schools. These principles will have to be developed at greater length by a special post-conciliar commission and applied by episcopal conferences to varying local situations.

1. The Meaning of the Universal Right to an Education

All men of every race, condition and age, since they enjoy the dignity of a human being, have an inalienable right to an education (5) that is in keeping with their ultimate goal,(6) their ability, their sex, and the culture and tradition of their country, and also in harmony with their fraternal association with other peoples in the fostering of true unity and peace on earth. For a true education aims at the formation of the human person in the pursuit of his ultimate end and of the good of the societies of which, as man, he is a member, and in whose obligations, as an adult, he will share.

Therefore children and young people must be helped, with the aid of the latest advances in psychology and the arts and science of teaching, to develop harmoniously their physical, moral and intellectual endowments so that they may gradually acquire a mature sense of responsibility in striving endlessly to form their own lives properly and in pursuing true freedom as they surmount the vicissitudes of life with courage and constancy. Let them be given also, as they advance in years, a positive and prudent sexual education. Moreover they should be so trained to take their part in social life that properly instructed in the necessary and opportune skills they can become actively involved in various community organizations, open to discourse with others and willing to do their best to promote the common good.

This sacred synod likewise declares that children and young people have a right to be motivated to appraise moral values with a right conscience, to embrace them with a personal adherence, together with a deeper knowledge and love of God. Consequently it earnestly entreats all those who hold a position of public authority or who are in charge of education to see to it that youth is never deprived of this sacred right. It further exhorts the sons of the Church to give their attention with generosity to the entire field of education, having especially in mind the need of extending very soon the benefits of a suitable education and training to everyone in all parts of the world.(7)

2. Christian Education

Since all Christians have become by rebirth of water and the Holy Spirit a new creature(8) so that they should be called and should be children of God, they have a right to a Christian education. A Christian education does not merely strive for the maturing of a human person as just now described, but has as its principal purpose this goal: that the baptized, while they are gradually introduced the knowledge of the mystery of salvation, become ever more aware of the gift of Faith they have received, and that they learn in addition how to worship God the Father in spirit and truth (cf. John 4:23) especially in liturgical action, and be conformed in their personal lives according to the new man created in justice and holiness of truth (Eph. 4:22-24); also that they develop into perfect manhood, to the mature measure of the fullness of Christ (cf. Eph. 4:13) and strive for the growth of the Mystical Body; moreover, that aware of their calling, they learn not only how to bear witness to the hope that is in them (cf. Peter 3:15) but also how to help in the Christian formation of the world that takes place when natural powers viewed in the full consideration of man redeemed by Christ contribute to the good of the whole society.(9) Wherefore this sacred synod recalls to pastors of souls their most serious obligation to see to it that all the faithful, but especially the youth who are the hope of the Church, enjoy this Christian education.(10)

3. The Authors of Education

Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most serious obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators.(11) This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. Parents are the ones who must create a family atmosphere animated by love and respect for God and man, in which the well-rounded personal and social education of children is fostered. Hence the family is the first school of the social virtues that every society needs. It is particularly in the Christian family, enriched by the grace and office of the sacrament of matrimony, that children should be taught from their early years to have a knowledge of God according to the faith received in Baptism, to worship Him, and to love their neighbor. Here, too, they find their first experience of a wholesome human society and of the Church. Finally, it is through the family that they are gradually led to a companionship with their fellowmen and with the people of God. Let parents, then, recognize the inestimable importance a truly Christian family has for the life and progress of God's own people.(12)

The family which has the primary duty of imparting education needs help of the whole community. In addition, therefore, to the rights of parents and others to whom the parents entrust a share in the work of education, certain rights and duties belong indeed to civil society, whose role is to direct what is required for the common temporal good. Its function is to promote the education of youth in many ways, namely: to protect the duties and rights of parents and others who share in education and to give them aid; according to the principle of subsidiarity, when the endeavors of parents and other societies are lacking, to carry out the work of education in accordance with the wishes of the parents; and, moreover, as the common good demands, to build schools and institutions.(13)

Finally, in a special way, the duty of educating belongs to the Church, not merely because she must be recognized as a human society capable of educating, but especially because she has the responsibility of announcing the way of salvation to all men, of communicating the life of Christ to those who believe, and, in her unfailing solicitude, of assisting men to be able to come to the fullness of this life.(14) The Church is bound as a mother to give to these children of hers an education by which their whole life can be imbued with the spirit of Christ and at the same time do all she can to promote for all peoples the complete perfection of the human person, the good of earthly society and the building of a world that is more human.(15)

4. Various Aids to Christian Education

In fulfilling its educational role, the Church, eager to employ all suitable aids, is concerned especially about those which are her very own. Foremost among these is catechetical instruction,(16) which enlightens and strengthens the faith, nourishes life according to the spirit of Christ, leads to intelligent and active participation in the liturgical mystery(17) and gives motivation for apostolic activity. The Church esteems highly and seeks to penetrate and ennoble with her own spirit also other aids which belong to the general heritage of man and which are of great influence in forming souls and molding men, such as the media of communication,(18) various groups for mental and physical development, youth associations, and, in particular, schools.

5. The Importance of Schools

Among all educational instruments the school has a special importance.(19) It is designed not only to develop with special care the intellectual faculties but also to form the ability to judge rightly, to hand on the cultural legacy of previous generations, to foster a sense of values, to prepare for professional life. Between pupils of different talents and backgrounds it promotes friendly relations and fosters a spirit of mutual understanding; and it establishes as it were a center whose work and progress must be shared together by families, teachers, associations of various types that foster cultural, civic, and religious life, as well as by civil society and the entire human community.

Beautiful indeed and of great importance is the vocation of all those who aid parents in fulfilling their duties and who, as representatives of the human community, undertake the task of education in schools. This vocation demands special qualities of mind and heart, very careful preparation, and continuing readiness to renew and to adapt.

6. The Duties and Rights of Parents

Parents who have the primary and inalienable right and duty to educate their children must enjoy true liberty in their choice of schools. Consequently, the public power, which has the obligation to protect and defend the rights of citizens, must see to it, in its concern for distributive justice, that public subsidies are paid out in such a way that parents are truly free to choose according to their conscience the schools they want for their children.(20)

In addition it is the task of the state to see to it that all citizens are able to come to a suitable share in culture and are properly prepared to exercise their civic duties and rights. Therefore the state must protect the right of children to an adequate school education, check on the ability of teachers and the excellence of their training, look after the health of the pupils and in general, promote the whole school project. But it must always keep in mind the principle of subsidiarity so that there is no kind of school monopoly, for this is opposed to the native rights of the human person, to the development and spread of culture, to the peaceful association of citizens and to the pluralism that exists today in ever so many societies.(21)

Therefore this sacred synod exhorts the faithful to assist to their utmost in finding suitable methods of education and programs of study and in forming teachers who can give youth a true education. Through the associations of parents in particular they should further with their assistance all the work of the school but especially the moral education it must impart.(22)

7. Moral and Religious Education in all Schools

Feeling very keenly the weighty responsibility of diligently caring for the moral and religious education of all her children, the Church must be present with her own special affection and help for the great number who are being trained in schools that are not Catholic. This is possible by the witness of the lives of those who teach and direct them, by the apostolic action of their fellow-students,(23) but especially by the ministry of priests and laymen who give them the doctrine of salvation in a way suited to their age and circumstances and provide spiritual aid in every way the times and conditions allow.

The Church reminds parents of the duty that is theirs to arrange and even demand that their children be able to enjoy these aids and advance in their Christian formation to a degree that is abreast of their development in secular subjects. Therefore the Church esteems highly those civil authorities and societies which, bearing in mind the pluralism of contemporary society and respecting religious freedom, assist families so that the education of their children can be imparted in all schools according to the individual moral and religious principles of the families.(24)

8. Catholic Schools

The influence of the Church in the field of education is shown in a special manner by the Catholic school. No less than other schools does the Catholic school pursue cultural goals and the human formation of youth. But its proper function is to create for the school community a special atmosphere animated by the Gospel spirit of freedom and charity, to help youth grow according to the new creatures they were made through baptism as they develop their own personalities, and finally to order the whole of human culture to the news of salvation so that the knowledge the students gradually acquire of the world, life and man is illumined by faith.(25) So indeed the Catholic school, while it is open, as it must be, to the situation of the contemporary world, leads its students to promote efficaciously the good of the earthly city and also prepares them for service in the spread of the Kingdom of God, so that by leading an exemplary apostolic life they become, as it were, a saving leaven in the human community.

Since, therefore, the Catholic school can be such an aid to the fulfillment of the mission of the People of God and to the fostering of the dialogue between the Church and mankind, to the benefit of both, it retains even in our present circumstances the utmost importance. Consequently this sacred synod proclaims anew what has already been taught in several documents of the magisterium,(26) namely: the right of the Church freely to establish and to conduct schools of every type and level. And the council calls to mind that the exercise of a right of this kind contributes in the highest degree to the protection of freedom of conscience, the rights of parents, as well as to the betterment of culture itself.

But let teachers recognize that the Catholic school depends upon them almost entirely for the accomplishment of its goals and programs.(27) They should therefore be very carefully prepared so that both in secular and religious knowledge they are equipped with suitable qualifications and also with a pedagogical skill that is in keeping with the findings of the contemporary world. Intimately linked in charity to one another and to their students and endowed with an apostolic spirit, may teachers by their life as much as by their instruction bear witness to Christ, the unique Teacher. Let them work as partners with parents and together with them in every phase of education give due consideration to the difference of sex and the proper ends Divine Providence assigns to each sex in the family and in society. Let them do all they can to stimulate their students to act for themselves and even after graduation to continue to assist them with advice, friendship and by establishing special associations imbued with the true spirit of the Church. The work of these teachers, this sacred synod declares, is in the real sense of the word an apostolate most suited to and necessary for our times and at once a true service offered to society. The Council also reminds Catholic parents of the duty of entrusting their children to Catholic schools wherever and whenever it is possible and of supporting these schools to the best of their ability and of cooperating with them for the education of their children.(28)

9. Different Types of Catholic Schools

To this concept of a Catholic school all schools that are in any way dependent on the Church must conform as far as possible, though the Catholic school is to take on different forms in keeping with local circumstances.(29) Thus the Church considers very dear to her heart those Catholic schools, found especially in the areas of the new churches, which are attended also by students who are not Catholics.

Attention should be paid to the needs of today in establishing and directing Catholic schools. Therefore, though primary and secondary schools, the foundation of education, must still be fostered, great importance is to be attached to those which are required in a particular way by contemporary conditions, such as: professional(30) and technical schools, centers for educating adults and promoting social welfare, or for the retarded in need of special care, and also schools for preparing teachers for religious instruction and other types of education.

This Sacred Council of the Church earnestly entreats pastors and all the faithful to spare no sacrifice in helping Catholic schools fulfill their function in a continually more perfect way, and especially in caring for the needs of those who are poor in the goods of this world or who are deprived of the assistance and affection of a family or who are strangers to the gift of Faith.

10. Catholic Colleges and Universities

The Church is concerned also with schools of a higher level, especially colleges and universities. In those schools dependent on her she intends that by their very constitution individual subjects be pursued according to their own principles, method, and liberty of scientific inquiry, in such a way that an ever deeper understanding in these fields may be obtained and that, as questions that are new and current are raised and investigations carefully made according to the example of the doctors of the Church and especially of St. Thomas Aquinas,(31) there may be a deeper realization of the harmony of faith and science. Thus there is accomplished a public, enduring and pervasive influence of the Christian mind in the furtherance of culture and the students of these institutions are molded into men truly outstanding in their training, ready to undertake weighty responsibilities in society and witness to the faith in the world.(32)

In Catholic universities where there is no faculty of sacred theology there should be established an institute or chair of sacred theology in which there should be lectures suited to lay students. Since science advances by means of the investigations peculiar to higher scientific studies, special attention should be given in Catholic universities and colleges to institutes that serve primarily the development of scientific research.

The sacred synod heartily recommends that Catholic colleges and universities be conveniently located in different parts of the world, but in such a way that they are outstanding not for their numbers but for their pursuit of knowledge. Matriculation should be readily available to students of real promise, even though they be of slender means, especially to students from the newly emerging nations.

Since the destiny of society and of the Church itself is intimately linked with the progress of young people pursuing higher studies,(33) the pastors of the Church are to expend their energies not only on the spiritual life of students who attend Catholic universities, but, solicitous for the spiritual formation of all their children, they must see to it, after consultations between bishops, that even at universities that are not Catholic there should be associations and university centers under Catholic auspices in which priests, religious and laity, carefully selected and prepared, should give abiding spiritual and intellectual assistance to the youth of the university. Whether in Catholic universities or others, young people of greater ability who seem suited for teaching or research should be specially helped and encouraged to undertake a teaching career.

11. Faculties of Sacred Sciences

The Church expects much from the zealous endeavors of the faculties of the sacred sciences.(34) For to them she entrusts the very serious responsibility of preparing her own students not only for the priestly ministry, but especially for teaching in the seats of higher ecclesiastical studies or for promoting learning on their own or for undertaking the work of a more rigorous intellectual apostolate. Likewise it is the role of these very faculties to make more penetrating inquiry into the various aspects of the sacred sciences so that an ever deepening understanding of sacred Revelation is obtained, the legacy of Christian wisdom handed down by our forefathers is more fully developed, the dialogue with our separated brethren and with non-Christians is fostered, and answers are given to questions arising from the development of doctrine.(35)

Therefore ecclesiastical faculties should reappraise their own laws so that they can better promote the sacred sciences and those linked with them and, by employing up-to-date methods and aids, lead their students to more penetrating inquiry.

12. Coordination to be Fostered in Scholastic Matters

Cooperation is the order of the day. It increases more and more to supply the demand on a diocesan, national and international level. Since it is altogether necessary in scholastic matters, every means should be employed to foster suitable cooperation between Catholic schools, and between these and other schools that collaboration should be developed which the good of all mankind requires.(36) From greater coordination and cooperative endeavor greater fruits will be derived particularly in the area of academic institutions. Therefore in every university let the various faculties work mutually to this end, insofar as their goal will permit. In addition, let the universities also endeavor to work together by promoting international gatherings, by sharing scientific inquiries with one another, by communicating their discoveries to one another, by having exchange of professors for a time and by promoting all else that is conducive to greater assistance.

CONCLUSION

The sacred synod earnestly entreats young people themselves to become aware of the importance of the work of education and to prepare themselves to take it up, especially where because of a shortage of teachers the education of youth is in jeopardy. This same sacred synod, while professing its gratitude to priests, Religious men and women, and the laity who by their evangelical self-dedication are devoted to the noble work of education and of schools of every type and level, exhorts them to persevere generously in the work they have undertaken and, imbuing their students with the spirit of Christ, to strive to excel in pedagogy and the pursuit of knowledge in such a way that they not merely advance the internal renewal of the Church but preserve and enhance its beneficent influence upon today's world, especially the intellectual world.

NOTES

1. Among many documents illustrating the importance of education confer above all apostolic letter of Benedict XV, Communes Litteras, April 10, 1919: A.A.S. 11 (1919) p. 172. Pius XI's apostolic encyclical, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 31, 1929: A.A.S. 22 (1930) pp. 49-86. Pius XII's allocution to the youths of Italian Catholic Action, April 20, 1946: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 8, pp. 53-57. Allocution to fathers of French families, Sept. 18, 1951: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 13, pp. 241-245. John XXIII's 30th anniversary message on the publication of the encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 30, 1959: A.A.S. 52 (1960) pp. 57-S9. Paul VI's allocution to members of Federated Institutes Dependent on Ecclesiastic Authority, Dec. 30, 1963: Encyclicals and Discourses of His Holiness Paul VI, Rome, 1964, pp. 601-603. Above all are to be consulted the Acts and Documents of the Second Vatican Council appearing in the first series of the ante-preparatrory phase. vol. 3. pp. 363-364; 370-371; 373-374.

2. Cf. John XXIII's encyclical letter Mater et Magistra, May 15, 1961: A.A.S. 53 (1961) pp. 413-415; 417-424; Encyclical letter, Pacem in Terris, April 11, 1963: A.A.S. 55 (1963) p. 278 ff.

3. Declaration on the Rights of Man of Dec. 10, 1948, adopted by the General Assembly of the United Nations, and also cf. the Declaration of the Rights of Children of Nov. 20 1959; additional protocol to the Convention Safeguarding the Rights of Men and Fundamental Liberties, Paris, March 20, 1952; regarding that universal profession of the character of human laws cf. apostolic letter Pacem in Terris, of John XXIII of April 11, 1963: A.A.S. 55 (1963) p. 295 ff.

4. Cf. John XXIII's encyclical letter, Mater et Magistra, May 15, 1961: A.A.S. 53 (1961) p. 402. Cf. Second Vatican Council's Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, no. 17: A.A.S. 57 (1965) p. 21, and schema on the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, 1965.

5. Pius XII's radio message of Dec. 24, 1942: A.A.S. 35 (1943) pp. 12-19, and John XXIII's encyclical letter, Pacem in Terris April 11, 1963: A.A.S. 55 (1963) p. 259 ff. Also cf. declaration cited on the rights of man in footnote 3.

6. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 31, 1929: A.A.S. 22 (1930) p. 50 ff.

7. Cf. John XXIII's encyclical letter, Mater et Magistra, May 15 1961: A.A.S. 53 (1961) p. 441 ff.

8. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 83.

9. Cf. Second Vatican Council's Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, no. 36: A.A.S. 57 (1965) p. 41 ff.

10. Cf. Second Vatican Council's schema on the Decree on the Lay Apostolate (1965), no. 12.

11. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 59 ff., encyclical letter Mit Brennender Sorge, March 14, 1937: A.A.S. 29; Pius XII's allocution to the first national congress of the Italian Catholic Teachers' Association, Sept. 8, 1946: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 8, p. 218.

12. Cf. Second Vatican Council's Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, nos. 11 and 35: A.A.S. 57 (1965) pp. 16, 40 ff.

13. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 63 ff. Pius XII's radio message of June 1, 1941: A.A.S. 33 (1941) p. 200; allocution to the first national congress of the Association of Italian Catholic Teachers, Sept 8, 1946: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 8, 1946: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 8 p. 218. Regarding the principle of subsidiarity, cf. John XXIII's encyclical letter, Pacem in Terris, April 11, 1963: A.A.S. 55 (1963) p. 294.

14. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1 pp. 53 ff. and 56 ff.; Encyclical letter, Non Abbiamo Bisogno June 29, 1931: A.A.S. 23 (1931) p. 311 ff. Pius XII's letter from Secretariat of State to 28th Italian Social Week, Sept. 20, 1955; L'Osservatore Romano, Sept. 29, 1955.

15. The Church praises those local, national and international civic authorities who, conscious of the urgent necessity in these times, expend all their energy so that all peoples may benefit from more education and human culture. Cf. Paul VI's allocution to the United Nations General Assembly, Oct. 4, 1965: L'Osservatore Romano, Oct. 6, 1965.

16. Cf. Pius XI's motu proprio. Orbem Catholicum, June 29 1923: A.A.S. 15 (1923) pp. 327-329; decree, Provide Sane, Jan. 12, 1935: A.A.S. 27 (1935) pp. 145-152. Second Vatican Council's Decree on Bishops and Pastoral Duties, nos. 13 and 14.

17. Cf. Second Vatican Council's Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, no. 14: A.A.S. 56 (1964) p. 104.

18. Cf. Second Vatican Council's Decree on Communications Media, nos. 13 and 14: A.A.S. 56 (1964) p. 149 ff.

19. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 76; Pius XII's allocution to Bavarian Association of Catholic Teachers, Dec. 31, 1956: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 18, p. 746.

20. Cf. Provincial Council of Cincinnati III, a. 1861: Collatio Lacensis, III, col. 1240, c/d; Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1, pp. 60, 63 ff.

21. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 63; encyclical letter, Non Abbiamo Misogno, June 29, 1931: A.A.S. 23 (1931) p. 305, Pius XII's letter from the Secretary of State to the 28th Italian Social Week, Sept. 20, 1955: L'Osservatore Romano, Sept. 29, 1955. Paul VI's allocution to the Association of Italian Christian Workers, Oct. 6, 1963: Encyclicals and Discourses of Paul VI, vol. 1, Rome, 1964, p. 230.

22. Cf. John XXIII's message on the 30th anniversary of the encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 30, 1959: A.A.S. 52 (1960) p. 57.

23. The Church considers it as apostolic action of great worth also when Catholic teachers and associates work in these schools. Cf. Second Vatican Council's schema of the Decree on the Lay Apostolate (1965), nos. 12 and 16.

24. Cf. Second Vatican Council's schema on the Declaration on Religious Liberty (1965), no. 5.

25. Cf. Provincial Council of Westminster I, a. 1852: Collatio Lacensis III, col. 1334, a/b; Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1, p. 77 ff.; Pius XII's allocution to the Bavarian Association of Catholic Teachers, Dec. 31, 1956: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 18, p. 746; Paul VI's allocution to the members of Federated Institutes Dependent on Ecclesiastic Authority, Dec. 30, 1963: Encyclicals and Discourses of Paul VI, 1, Rome, 1964, 602 ff.

26. Cf. especially the document mentioned in the first note; moreover this law of the Church is proclaimed by many provincial councils and in the most recent declarations of very many of the episcopal conferences.

27. Cf. Pius XI's encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, 1 p. 80 ff.; Pius XII's allocution to the Catholic Association of Italian Teachers in Secondary Schools, Jan. 5, 1954: Discourses and Radio Messages, 15, pp. 551-55B; John XXIII's allocution to the 6th Congress of the Associations of Catholic Italian Teachers Sept. 5, 1959: Discourses, Messages, Conversations, 1, Rome,1960, pp. 427-431.

28. Cf. Pius XII's allocution to the Catholic Association of Italian Teachers in Secondary Schools, Jan. 5, 1954, 1, p. 555.

29. Cf. Paul VI's allocution to the International Office of Catholic Education, Feb. 25, 1964: Encyclicals and Discourses of Paul VI, 2, Rome, 1964, p. 232.

30. Cf. Paul VI's allocution to the Christian Association of Italian Workers, Oct. 6, 1963: Encyclicals and Discourses of Paul VI, 1, Rome, 1964, p. 229.

31. Cf. Paul VI's allocution to the International Thomistic Congress, Sept. 10, 1965: L'Osservatore Romano, Sept. 13-14, 1965.

32. Cf. Pius XII's allocution to teachers and students of French Institutes of Higher Catholic Education, Sept. 21, 1950: Discourses and Radio Messages, 12, pp. 219-221; letters to the 22nd congress of Pax Romana, Aug. 12, 1952: Discourses and Radio Messages, 14, pp. 567-569; John XXIII's allocution to the Federation of Catholic Universities, April 1, 1959: Discourses, Messages and Conversations, 1, Rome, 1960, pp. 226-229; Paul VI's allocution to the Academic Senate of the Catholic University of Milan, April 5, 1964: Encyclicals and Discourses of Paul VI, 2, Rome, 1964, pp. 438-443.

33. Cf. Pius XII's allocution to the academic senate and students of the University of Rome, June 15, 1952: Discourses and Radio Messages, 14, p. 208: "The direction of today's society principally is placed in the mentality and hearts of the universities of today."

34. Cf. Pius XII's apostolic constitution, Deus Scientiarum Dominus, May 24, 1931: A.A.S. 23 (1931) pp. 245-247.

35. Cf. Pius XII's encyclical letter, Humani Generis Aug. 12, 1950 A.A.S. 42 (1950) pp. 568 ff. and 578; Paul VI's encyclical letter, Ecclesiam Suam, part III Aug. 6, 1964; A.A.S. 56 (1964) pp. 637-659; Second Vatican Council's Decree on Eccumenism: A.A.S. 57 (1965) pp. 90-107.

36. Cf. John XXIII's encyclical letter, Pacem in Terris, April 11, 1963: A.A.S. 55 (1963) p. 284 and elsewhere.

Passion and Purity

I have been pulling quotes from this book, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, to a single friend today and pulling it off the shelf for the first time in a while.
For those of you who don't know who she is, Elisabeth is the famous wife of missionary Jim Elliot who was killed in the amazon river basin by the indigenous people he was called to serve.
She is a speaker and author, and to me is and always has been a seeker and finder of Truth with a capital T.
Though she is not a Catholic writer, she is a Catholic thinker as evidenced by her work.
From what I understand of her personal life, her brother has converted to the Catholic faith. From what I read that she has written, she writes the truths of the Catholic faith. Because she is revered and well known by non Catholic Christians as a very holy and faithful woman, it would cause a ruckus if she were to convert. Whether or not that is her reasoning for NOT converting  is honestly none of our business. All I know is that both protestants and Catholics will LOVE her books. Kind of like a female CS Lewis... exhibiting three of the four marks of the True Church: One, Holy, Catholic... and lacking the "Apostolic." :)
This particular book is one I would give to any young woman, about dating and preparation for marriage, and the meaning of womanhood.
It makes me want to cry just knowing how much wisdom there was in here that I doubted as a single person, and knowing how to the degree that I followed its advice, I received such a blessing in my marriage. If I knew then what I know now!
My dear friend Liza gave this book to me when I was first learning what it means to allow Jesus to be Lord of ALL my life. Like most young women, I was pre-occupied with boys, and wanted nothing more than to know with certainty what my future held.
Having grown up in the world, I had absolutely no sense of myself as a woman, only shreds and remnants that modern, anti-woman feminism hadn't yet completely destroyed.
I had never really considered words like "meek" and "quiet" and "modest" in relation to my personhood, and it was very hard to peel the layers of that onion. So hard in fact, that though I loved and respected Liza very much and believed in the picture of the spirit-filled life she was painting because I saw the fruit of it in her own life, I struggled to understand and apply the things she was teaching me because they were so different and so... HARD.
Of course,. the other way was hard too. I wasn't getting anywhere, and I wasn't happy. But I wasn't weird, either, because I was doing what everyone else was doing to some degree. Now that I had this book in my hands it was like God calling me to stand apart from everyone and watch and trust.
I was afraid.
But I was intregued.
I went through three or four copies of this book. The first one I was given I shredded in a fit of anger. The second, I threw out. One day, in despair and knowing that I had worn out any possible chance of success at this "love thing," despite lots of success at finding interested men-- at least for a while--I marched over to the bookstore and picked up a new copy. And I tore through it from cover to cover.
I left for the Army determined to apply every principle I had read. I came back married. God's way works.
It was a hard marriage in the beginning, and applying the things I had learned in the book helped. God's way works.
We've been married for a long time now, and we love each other very much. Did I mention that God's way works?

So what is the radical message of this book?
It is simple: trust, develop a relationship with God, and wait. 

I will never forget the day I read these words on the page:

"My heart was saying:" Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long!" The Lord was answering: "I must teach you to long for something better."

The book is filled with little pieces of wisdom she has gleaned through her years of devotion to God, reading His Word , and personal experience.
For example, on the topic of what men actually want, she says:

Women are always tempted to be initiators. We like to get things done. We want to talk about situations and feelings, get it out into the open, deal with it. It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget about them, get on with projects , business, pleasure, sports, eat a big steak, turn on the television, roll over, and go to sleep. Women respond to this tendency by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown. If we can't dragoon our men into that, we nag, we plead, we get attention by tears, silence or withholding warmth, intimacy, and attention. we have a large bag of tricks.

CS Lewis' vision of purgatory was a place where milk was always boiling over, crockery smashing, and toast burning. The lesson assigned to men was to do something about it. The lesson assigned to women was to do nothing. That would be purgatory for most of us. Women, especially when it comes to the love life, can hardly stand to do nothing.

And yet... that is what we must do! Wait, and do nothing, maintaining holy friendships with all...  and trust, keeping them at arms' length until there is a declaration of love and intent from a man. 

Not only is this necessary for the purity and future health of the marriage, it is a treasure for the woman to have and hold the true meaning of womanhood not only in the single or celibate life but in the married life as well. It helps me TODAY, in my marriage, to know these truths, and when I forget them, my marriage has suffered.

What do men want from women?

This list is hers, but I have seen it over and over again through the years in everything from cosmo to psych journals.... always the same.

Femininity.
Affirmation.
Encouragement.
Tenderness.
Sensitivity.

Vulnerability.
And lastly-- mystery. that there is much in the inner workings of a woman's heart that he hasn't discovered yet.

In my own life, I have witnessed couples who have lived by these rules and seen the fruit of them. I have friends who never kissed another person until their wedding day. I have friends who remained unaffiliated and unattached until their engagement day. They have lives full of joy, even in the midst of trials and difficulties. 

I have friends who have done nothing like that and claim that they are very happy with their choices. I know that I have regrets in my own choices NOT to follow her advice and that's all I can go by. 

Buy this book for your daughters, no matter what your religious background.

Read it yourselves. It is a powerful testimony of the glory of womanhood fully lived, and a heart-warming relevation of the touch of the Divine Hand in the human experience.

I have never read another book which so aptly captures the beautiful experience of womanhood and the sacredness of our calling.