The words women use

My mom just left after a beautiful, fast little visit, and I had lots of little insights when she was here because it was a very different kind of trip that the ones we usually have.

My parents have been married for 30 years and they are really, wildly, totally in love. They are awesome that way and I think an example to so many. Growing up, they were the only people around who were still together and I'm thankful for that. Their marriage has withstood the test of the kids flying the coop. They are the kind of parents who gross out their kids by still holding hands and kissing. It's wonderful, and I thank God for both of them.

In that context, it might be funny to hear what that has to do with nagging, but here goes. My mom is Mediterranean, my dad is American. You know that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding (that movie is the story of my life) where we hear: "because the Portokallos women.... if they are not nagging somebody.... they die!!"??
That's the women in my family. I bet that's the women in your family, too. But in my family, it's particularly poignant.
My dad has lovingly nicknamed my mom "the Harpy." o.O

My mom tells my dad what to do, no doubt about it, and she does it loud and she does it often. I mean, she's from the south of France. She will tell perfect strangers what to do and trees how to grow. But most of the time, she isn't berating him when she does it....she doesn't think LESS of my dad (in fact, she thinks the world of him!),  she just expresses her ideas/thoughts/opinions about how things should be done... And has a tendency to make a stink when things are NOT done that way. (I particularly enjoyed, for example, watching her and my husband, both born leaders, make the bed together. Bless her heart, she was making the man's own bed-- a bed she had never seen before-- but she was going to tell him how it's done correctly.)

So women in my family do it sweetly, and they don't berate their husbands, but in a mediterranean context "not berating" is still slathering on a good dose of guilt and/or fist shaking and "what in the world would make you do it THAT way???"- ing. And the men don't seem to mind, other than when they "escape" from time to time to complain about it while sipping coffee and grabbing a quiet corner of the house to read in. I have an uncle who makes a special trip over to my aunt's house in the mornings just to chat for five minutes about how bossy his beautiful wife is being before he goes to work. She tells him what time to drink his coffee, which tie to wear, and what to bring to work. He gets ready, and then often makes a quick stop at my aunt's house where he lingers for a while making jokes about how his wife told him what time to go to sleep and which position was best for him to sleep in, what coffee mug to use and how much sugar to put in. And then he goes to work.... and calls his wife to say I love you. They've been married more than 35 years.

Said aunt he goes to visit married a Corsican. All the women in my family clucked about her marrying him because the farther south you go to find a husband, the greater the fear he will enslave you. This aunt takes pleasure in serving her husband and honoring him by trusting him and conforming to him. He is happy and tends to be the most easy going, relaxed and enjoyable of all the uncles. She has learned the great secret described in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants." (A wise woman, of course, wants "the Lord's way." More on that later.)

American women are a different breed of nag. They tend to be bossy less about daily life choices and more about feelings and how they are treated.

My mom and my aunts are no different than you or me. They are operating in a condition that women have operated in since the dawn of man. Eve nagged Adam to get that apple. Where do we think Greeks got the idea for Harpies? This is the "natural condition" of women. But I want to be spiritual.

I fight it with all my little might.

It started the first day my husband jokingly called me "fishwife." I thought about it for a while and realized I had been annoying him with incessant chatter and nagging. Then I noticed that most of the men in my life who have women who do that have an issue I think is kind of sad:  They might be devoted to and think the world of their women as their respected wives, but more often than not it doesn't prevent them from having different person or object they turn to and hold up as their muse. They are frequently inspired by things other than their wives/ families.

They might range in behavior from belittling their wives in a joking manner to actually flirting with or openly admiring other women from time to time. Others simply speak poorly about their wives when they are fed up. Some never say a bad word about their wives, but lie or run away from time to time to escape. And I've noticed that men who are in similar situations and who are less moral end up having problems I never want my own man to have. They range from being inspired or encouraged by other women to having issues with pornography and / or adultery. And why wouldn't they? After all, if we believe a man was born to lead his family, then not allowing them to do that is pretty emasculating. My husband finds nagging wives horrifying. They literally repulse him. We know this. I have blogged about it before.

And maybe it's just me, but I want the kind of man who acts like a King should and who treats me like a Queen. No, not just a Queen. HIS Queen. I see a man who takes charge and makes decisions as sexy. I see how a good woman encourages a man to rise above and be the best he can be. I think my world is safer when men are being men and women are being women. It is less stressful and more enjoyable. I think we all agree with that, but we nag because we fear our OWN husbands won't live up to the task. We are afraid to let them lead.

As a side note, my old pastor used to say: "You can't follow a parked car." In some families, we may ALL agree there needs to be headship somewhere, but we can't follow a leader who isn't leading. Maybe some wives nag out of desperation. Maybe they do it for a reason... to get their husbands to get off their butts and point towards somewhere. It's a temptation that might be rooted in a response to another person's sin, but it's pretty obvious that two wrongs don't make a right.

The Bible has some choice things to say about naggers. The greater issue of the misuse of the tongue is really a whole book I could write (if you want to read a great one I didn't write try this one.)


Proverbs 21:9 ESV

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 27:15 ESV

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;


Proverbs 21:19 ESV

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.


Proverbs 25:24 ESV

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.


Proverbs 19:13 ESV

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

and lest you think it's JUST the author of proverbs:

1 Peter 3:5-6 ESV

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.


1 Peter 5:3 ESV

Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.


1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.


My point is..... why nag? I'm not saying that all the mediterranean women in my life who love their husbands and nag, nag, nag are evil people.... I am saying they have a sinful habit. Most of them are wonderful, caring, compassionate and devoted wives with a strong desire to bless their husbands. And I don't think they realize that there is a better way.

Here is what the Bible says about that "better way:"


Proverbs 16:24 ESV

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.


Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.


Proverbs 12:18 ESV

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.


1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I set my mind to change an innate behavior, I tend to look for root causes. What is it about nagging that seems like such an easy and logical choice for so many women?

I think nagging is rooted in fear. We nag because we fear so very many things.

That we aren't safe.
That we aren't respected.
That we aren't loved.
That we aren't wise.
That we aren't interesting.
That we aren't in control.
That we would have done it better.
That someone else IS doing it better.

Ironically, nagging brings those things to be. By speaking them with our mouths, we get exactly what we are asking for. Remember that we are made in the image of God, and that God created with a Word.

One helpful thing I have done to help me kick the habit is to write down the promises God's word has for me about my fears. Then, when I feel like nagging, I think about why I am about to nag and what fear is at the root of that desire. And then I pray those instead of opening my mouth to nag. It also helps me to remember that the Bible says that we are called to submit to and obey our husbands, words which modern women in the advent of "feminism" are horrified by. But the Bible reminds us in Proverbs 17:11 that a cruel messenger (the same word used to describe an angel-- in other words, a demon) will be sent to she who seeks only rebellion. Obedience is our protection from evil. It is freedom and security and our "safe place."
Most men today do not lead because most women will not follow. The Bible says that the TONGUE is the rudder for our entire ship. (James 3:1-18) In other words, we follow where our tongues go. So if we submit first our TONGUES, then the rest of us will follow. God knows this because He reminds us that "the mouth of a loose woman is like a deep pit." (Proverbs 22:14)
If you want a man who will lead you, but do it right,  and are frustrated enough with your man on a daily basis to boss him around, consider what behavior you could have that might lead him to feel respected, and then do that. Make a commitment today to stop nagging him. A man who feels respected will act respectably.

Pray this with me today:

Psalm 141:3 ESV

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Also, I don't know who this person is, but I am glad she is doing this--  "You can only change YOURSELF, but when you change, a relationship changes."

Distinguishing suffering from a curse

I’ve been stuck with this feeling that I haven’t been able to get rid of. It overwhelms me and frustrates me. The frustration comes from not knowing what it is, and not knowing what the cause of it is. I have to constantly fight it and snap myself out of it. Sometimes, I just let it win because I’m tired. I should know better then to do that because it doesn’t just affect me, but also my family. Guilt follows for allowing it to get to me. I think about my life and ponder over what it could be. Am I upset? Am I sad? Am I missing something? Am I unhappy with my life?.........I give a sincere “no” to all the questions. What in the world is it? Maybe I’m just depressed?.........I had a bout of depression before and it’s definitely not that (that feeling was horrible and I’ll never underestimate it again. It’s a feeling of complete and utter hopelessness.). This feeling is more of an empty and fear type of feeling. But it makes absolutely no sense! I love my wife, I love my kids, I laugh and smile, I am loved, etc. etc……….how is that empty? That sounds like a rich man to me!  So I increased my dose of prayer. I have to be doing something wrong? ......Of this, I’m sure of (I shall not cast a stone, for I am a sinner). But I was looking specifically for something that I might be doing that I’m not aware of or that I’m missing. It keeps escaping me and it’s only bouts of amnesia or moments with my family that help me forget it. The “not knowing” really stinks. 
I’ve even gotten to a point where I’ve entertained the idea that me seeing the number 911 endlessly is supposed to mean something. Every time I see it, it’s without my consent or will; it’s just there (time, freeway, license plates, signs, etc.). And when I do, I excuse it as coincidence (even though I see this number several times a day). The only time it went away is when I started to pray more. But it got replaced by 910 (weirdness!). I literally jumped in glee when I first saw it; and the same pattern for this number followed suit.  Silly isn’t it? Well, the silliness isn’t over yet… I started to think that I’m cursed! Not Harry Potter cursed but something far more real and sinister. I started to back track on my mom’s stories of seeing witches in Mexico and her confrontations with them. Not just her, but my entire family has a litany of stories like this. I haven’t the foggiest idea how true most of it is, but I know it’s real and I know it’s possible. I’m not alone here either, stories like these are a dime a dozen for most Mexican families and that’s probably why they are mostly ignored.  However, my mom allowed a man into our home when I was in high school and he was a peculiar man. Within time we found he was practicing the dark arts of sorts (whatever that means) and particularly called upon some being to assist him (he told me but I can’t remember). My mom eventually gave him the boot and I was aware he had casted curses on people before as he wasn’t shy about sharing what he had done to people he disliked (cursing them). At any rate, life went on and I never made much of it until now.  My mother in law also tells us of a women who put a curse on her first baby before she was born (E). Saying she would be born sick and with defects. Why? She has no idea. E has been perfectly healthy in every way (besides her being sleep deprived). But she swears by it and I have no reason to believe otherwise. As bizarre as all this sounds, I’m basing this entirely on a feeling (as previously noted) I’ve had for some time. I’m purposefully leaving out the hundreds (no exaggeration) of things that have happen to us (bankruptcy, car accidents, foreclosure, deaths, etc.) since we got married because my mind will go bonkers thinking about it all. That can be attributed to bad decisions (although I contend much of it is simply bum luck if you will because we had no control over it).  It didn’t help that I battled my feelings of resentment because everybody around us seemed to be moving forward and they [and we sometimes question ourselves as well] couldn’t understand why we couldn’t. They simply didn’t know what we’ve been through and I didn’t want them to feel sorry for us (wretched pride).  What can you tell us about curses? How do they work? Can you share what one can do to get rid of it? Please pray for our family.--Anonymous

My heart goes out to this family for so many reasons... living like this is something I'm very familiar with and these are questions I have asked myself over and over.
For the sake of brevity and clarity, I will try to break down the answer into two simple categories, one of them being the strength of our Catholic faith and the other being the heart of the many protestants who, by virtue of their strong relationship with Our Lord, have a place in the ranks of the Church militant.

SUFFERING: THE GLORY OF OUR CATHOLIC FAITH.

When I was a protestant, I viewed most suffering as the work of Satan. I knew that God was good-- He was light, and that there was no darkness in Him at all (1 Jn 1:5), and therefore anything "dark" I experienced was allowed by God only in the context of my having allowed it in somehow because of my own sin. This factor REALLY came into play, not only when unpleasant events occurred in my family, but especially when I began to work in deliverance ministry. We had absolute authority over the demon in the name of Jesus. We had warfare business to attend to and that warfare was the stuff of life. Now, the Catholic Catechism affirms this position, but what we also had, which the Catechism poo poos pretty regularly, is PRIDE.`Mega pride---- we practically taunted Satan, and found him around every corner and peeking around every wall. It was almost TOO easy. And it made me uncomfortable, because there were things I had seen/experienced that really weren't explainable and that didn't fit into the nice, catchy schematics smattered with bible quotes we drew on chalkboards in small groups and watched our pastors explain to us on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Things like people who we just couldn't help and houses where none of our hypotheses seemed to fit.

Conversely, there were times where "prophets" and "apostles" did or said things that made my inner spirit-man wince and when what I "heard" about victory didn't always add up. And that's when I wondered... was there something wrong with ME? Now that can be a good thing.... sin is the root of every problem. But the thing is, sometimes God allows suffering that is simply a mystery. And mystery is a word lots of Protestants don't like. I remember well telling Catholics: "You serve a God who is full of mystery, but the Bible says that we can KNOW God." Well, duh. But that's another story.

So when I came into the Church, one of the very first things God taught me-- both in the context of spiritual warfare and in the context of personal relationships and evangelism or ministry--- was HUMILITY. The second thing He taught me was HOW to suffer "well." (I'm a slow learner.)
When in the past I had seen my protestant, God-fearing sisters endure one hardship or another, I'd been moved to tears over their stoicism and perfect trust in God. I still am! Only now I don't envy them that ability, I am saddened at the wasted suffering. The concept of atonement however imperfect, outside of the PERFECT atonement of Christ, and of our union with Him in His suffering, is lost in protestant theology.

God knew I needed to learn it the hard way, so He placed me right in the midst of the group of Catholics who probably suffer the most (if that's possible) as an Order and who not only welcome it but ask for it (crazy.)
Carmelites. I was drawn to Carmelite life initially because I liked to pray and it seemed to me like that's what Carmelites did. I didn't know that Carmelites are Carmelites because they like to pray AND SUFFER.

In fact, I remember distinctly the moment, about a week and a half into my Carmelite formation, when I stopped and said..... Oh my gosh. EVERYBODY here and everybody we are reading suffered horrendously. What am I getting into??


The Carmelites were taught by saints who said things like:

The more lofty the degree of loving union to which God destines the soul, so much more profound and persistent must be its purification. St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD (Edith Stein, Science of the Cross 77)
Always remember to love your neighbor; always prefer the one who tries your patience, who test your virtue, because with her you can always merit: suffering is Love; the Law is Love.
Bl Mary of Jesus Crucified "The Little Arab"

I desire to suffer always and not to die. I should add: this is not my will, it is my inclination. It is sweet to think of Jesus; but it is sweeter to do His will.
Bl Mary of Jesus Crucified "The Little Arab"
Trials are nothing else but the forge that purifies the soul of all its imperfections.
St Mary Magdalen de'Pazzi, OCD

One cannot desire freedom from the Cross when one is especially chosen for the Cross.
St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD (Edith Stein)

Are you seeing the picture here? What did they know that I didn't??

Well, it took a while but I learned two major things. First, that we actually had a gift in suffering we didn't have  without it. Ironically, the very Bible I have heard people use to denounce suffering as the work of Satan over and over again has some interesting things to say about it. Here are a few I found on my facebook page this morning as a reminder:

2 Timothy 2:12 says, "If we suffer, we shall also reign with him..." Jesus said, ". . . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Lk. 9:23) Jesus said that we SHOULD rejoice when we suffer for His sake, because great is our reward in Heaven (Mt. 5:12). I Peter 2:19-21 tells us that it is our duty to follow our Lord's example in suffering, and 1 Peter 4:12-16 tells us to be happy when we suffer for Christ, and it tells us not to be ashamed. Romans 8:18 says, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." We read in 1 Peter 5:10 that our suffering in this present world is only for "a while." Are you willing to bear your cross for the Lord Jesus Christ? Do you have any treasures in Heaven? Are you willing to suffer for the Lord?

Second, that we could offer that suffering up for good-- it produced FRUIT. I learned this by experimentation at first, tentatively offering up small sacrifices to Jesus FOR the good of some person I was praying for. What I saw was amazing. When I was willing to suffer, people were changed. Not just me--- those I was praying for and surrounded by. Suffering was the key that unlocked all of it. Now, there came a time when I got so into suffering that I lost my joy. And that is the danger-- that we suffer but do not love and hear from God.
The only remedy to that is the sacraments, and time spent with Jesus, allowing Him to minister to our souls.

Nevertheless, in that suffering I found great wisdom. And now I can say with St Josemaria in difficult times (USUALLY! I'm a work in progress.... haha):

"Blessed be pain. Loved be pain. Sanctified be pain. . . Glorified be pain!" (The Way, 208)
"No ideal becomes a reality without sacrifice. Deny yourself. It is so beautiful to be a victim!" (The Way, 175)
"Obey with your lips, your heart and your mind. It is not a man who is being obeyed, but God." (Furrow, maxim 374)
"And be watchful, for a spark is much easier to extinguish than a fire. Take flight, for in this it is low cowardice to be "brave"; a roving eye does not mean a lively spirit, but turns out to be a snare of satan. Yet human diligence, with mortification, the cilice, disciplines and fasting are all worthless without you, my God." (Furrow, 834)
"To defend his purity, St. Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, St. Benedict threw himself into a thornbush, St. Bernard plunged into an icy pond... You... what have you done?" (The Way, 143)
"What has been lost through the flesh, the flesh should pay back: be generous in your penance." (The Forge, 207)
"If you realize that your body is your enemy, and an enemy of God's glory since it is an enemy of your sanctification, why do you treat it so softly?" (The Way, 227)
"Your worst enemy is yourself." (The Way, 225)
"You have come to the apostolate to submit, to annihilate yourself, not to impose your own personal viewpoints." (The Way, 936)

Pray for the grace to suffer well, and ask God to help you know when and for what to offer it up-- do not waste one tear.... let all suffering be redemptive lest it be satanic!

UNDERSTANDING OF THE BASIC PREMISES OF SPIRITUAL WARFARE AND SIN

And now we come to part two--  what can I do to ensure that my suffering is productive and useful and not intrusive and satanic? One thing to keep in mind before we even broach the subject of curses and demonic oppression is that if we experience it, God has allowed it. Sit and chew on that for a while, it's a mind-blower.

The first thing one can do is suffer well. The second thing one can do is look for which experiences we have that could be natural consequences, particularly of sin.
We are diagnosed with diabetes. The devils' work? An occasion for God's work? Or the result of our overeating?
We have a car accident, and then another. The devil's work?  Or a result of our unwillingness to drive more slowly?
Our mother in law keeps driving us crazy and infernally bugging us. Satanic dimension? Or simply a challenging person in need of charity whom we must overcome our passions to serve?
You get where I'm going.

Now, on the other hand, there are legitimate situations where curses are involved and in which we need to search for answers to alleviate the suffering. These types of suffering can come from a curse, either one which has been very specifically placed (by a witch doctor, satan worshipper, etc) or accidentally allowed to alight (whether by disobedience to God's laws, idolatry, etc.)

St John Vianney, for example, the Curé D'Ars, was besieged with horrible experiences at the hands of Satan tailor made to keep him from doing God's work. One need only have a quick glance at the facts to determine which is which. A few select scriptures and common sense questions can help us discern. One tool in particular is the Discernment of Spirits from the Ignatian Exercises.

More importantly, there is a methodical means of determining what's going on, hyper-developped by Charismatic Catholics and Protestants from scripture and personal experiences over the past thirty years or so
since the "re-newal" of the Spirit. There are as many "flavors" of the teaching on curses I'm about to present as there are Charismatic denominations, but I will say that they all share the majority of ideas in common. Keep in mind that I "mastered" these ideas as a protestant, and that there may be some error therein but I am unaware of it. I have asked Roman Catholic exorcists about these ideas in the past and been told they are sound. Consider this a very brief and oversimplified teaching on lifting curses.

Yes, there are people who are cursed because someone in their entourage visited a brujeria or witch doctor and literally cast a spell on them. For those people, the following information will still be helpful.
More importantly, there are people who are cursed because of their own activities.... and these are the people who often realize it the least.

Eph 6:10-13 says:  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Curses are defined as "invisible barriers." In Deuteronomy Ch 28, the Lord lists several possible blessings and curses the Israelites can choose from. It might be helpful for you when you read these verses to make your own list of what God promises for a Blessing and what God promises for a Curse. My own list looks something like this:

The Blessings: 

Exaltation

Health

Fertility

Prosperity

Victory

God's Favor

The Curses:

Humiliation

Barrenness

Mental and physical sickness

Family breakdown

Failure and defeat

Oppression

Poverty

God's disfavor

Based on these ideas, here are eight commonly-held symptoms of a curse. When you read them, you are likely to find that at least one of them relates to you. More likely than not, you are NOT cursed. TWhile many families struggle with these, there are typically more than one of these symptoms present when dealing with a true curse. Keep in mind that in researching this question, it is incredibly helpful to have some idea of your family history or some notes about your family history on hand.

1. Mental or emotional breakdown

2. Repeated or hereditary sickness

3. Barrenness, or a history of miscarriages or stillbirths

4. Alienation in families

5. Continual poverty

6. Being accident prone (we often hear say of some of these people that they "have bad luck.")

7. A history of suicide or unnatural death in the family

8. Repetition of life-dominating sins (alcoholism, abuse, etc)

A curse can have one of five sources:

1. A generational curse. Exodus 34:7 says "Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”

2. A curse of consequence. These are curses imposed on people by idolatrous behavior, or the literal having / keeping of idols, in particular idols from other false religions etc. Sometimes these are bought unknowingly, which makes them even more challenging to find in the home. I've known people who related their troubles directly to the removal of a painting, a sculpture, and even pieces of fabric and wood that had been used in occult ceremonies or very sinful situations. Deuteronomy 7:25, 26: The images of their gods you are to burn in the fire. Do not covet the silver and gold on them, and do not take it for yourselves, or you will be ensnared by it, for it is detestable to the LORD your God. Do not bring a detestable thing into your house or you, like it, will be set apart for destruction. Regard it as vile and utterly detest it, for it is set apart for destruction.

3. Occult curses. Isaiah 8:19-22 explains it well: When someone tells you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God? Why consult the dead on behalf of the living? Consult God’s instruction and the testimony of warning. If anyone does not speak according to this word, they have no light of dawn.  Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land; when they are famished, they will become enraged and, looking upward, will curse their king and their God.  Then they will look toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they will be thrust into utter darkness.

4. Pronounced curses. These will often fall into the "visit to a witchdoctor" category and are common curses that are pronounced against God-fearing people. I pulled these scriptures from Psalm 109: 7-10.
(the curse of condemnation/ being cut off)
7 When he is tried, let him come forth guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin! 
(the curse of early death and physical affliction)
8 May his days be few;
may another take his office! 
(the curse of disaster in family-- often passed on through generations)
9 May his children be fatherless
and his wife a widow! 
(the curse of financial disaster)
10 May his children wander about and beg,
seeking food far from the ruins they inhabit!

5. Spoken curses. Numbers 14:28
Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you.

This falls under the use of the tongue, and is often demonstrative of our OWN misuse of our OWN tongues. How many times has someone said to you "you are so stupid!" before you started to believe it? How many times have you yourself said: "You are killing me here," or "I will never forgive her?" Each time we misuse our tongues, God hears us, and in certain conditions our out-of-control tongues can be our own downfall.

A great teacher on this topic is Derek Prince, who wrote a wonderful book called: "Does your tongue need healing?" In his book, he points out the endless scriptures contained in the Bible which warn us to submit our tongues to God instead of doing whatever comes out of them. If this is a topic you are interested in, stay tuned to this blog where I will cover the misuse, and proper use, of the tongue because "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Prov 18:21) Remember also that scripture tells us that the heart overflows through the mouth, so keep that in mind and really LISTEN with spiritual ears to what you are saying to others and yourself.

In proverbs 26:2 we read that the curse without cause will not come. "Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest."One thing we need to remain aware of is that a curse will alight on it's sender if the person it is sent TO is living a holy life. Ie, the more we remain in the state of grace, the more easily a curse-- even a very specifically sent curse--- will just roll right off us. On the other hand, if we are doing the cursing, we can be on the receiving end of the curse we send out. So again, cleanse those tongues and spend some time in examination of conscience each night. Go to confession. Repentance is always the key that unlocks the door to deliverance.

The Law of Blessing, or righteous living within the context of proper and right use of spiritual means at your disposal to do good and be good, is found in 1 Peter 3:5-12. Chew on this one for a while.

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love,a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 10 For
“Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good;
let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are open to their prayer.
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

And lastly, the Law of Cursing:
We read this law in Psalm 109:16-19. It's pretty self-explanatory, so I will just let you read it and meditate it on your own without breaking it down for you.
16 For he did not remember to show kindness,
but pursued the poor and needy
and the brokenhearted, to put them to death.
17 He loved to curse; let curses come upon him!
He did not delight in blessing; may it be far from him!
18 He clothed himself with cursing as his coat;
may it soak into his body like water,
like oil into his bones!
19 May it be like a garment that he wraps around him,
like a belt that he puts on every day!

HERE ARE A FEW SIMPLE STEPS TO FIND FREEDOM FROM A CURSE:

These are obviously over-simplified but should give you a basic plan of attack through which to work with your confessor or spiritual director. My suggestion would be to spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament praying about everything you've read here, and there asking Jesus to help you determine whether He has called you to suffer or overcome in whatever you are facing, and to help you to discern the right steps to take in doing so. 

1. Confess your sins and the sins of your fathers

2. Forgive all the others involved

3. Renounce ALL contact with the occult and demons

4. Transfer the curse to Christ (Galatians 3:13)

5. Receive a blessing in the place of a curse (Galatians 3:14)

Many blessings to you, friends!