Two kids two and under

I find myself saying a lot to people I don't know that: "I've got two kids two and under."

I say it sometimes as an excuse (why my clothes are always have huge stains on the front or why I'm fifteen minutes late to an appointment.)
I say it as an explanation (why my bookshelves have a row of books followed by a row of plastic animals, or why there are pizza boxes in my sock drawer)
I say it as a reason not to have to do the thing the rest of the world says are necessary (like watch TV shows, or talk on the phone all day)

On some days the "two two and under" thing terrifies me. Like, when I have to travel on an airplane. Or entertain more than four guests. Or when I really need a nap.But most days, I'm kinda proud--- not in a bad way, but just in a "wow, I can't believe God allowed me to experience this and graced me to sort of succeed at this" way.

There is this blessed silence early in the morning and after 7pm at night when the kids are sleeping and I am able to reconnect with myself. In that silence, I'm often amazed at what happens on a daily basis, around the clock, ]in this house. It takes insane amounts of energy to keep up with two kids two and under. It takes organization. It takes patience.

In some ways, being a mom to two kids two and under is the single hardest thing I've ever done. We work hard to create in these kids a character and a moral resiliency that we have no earthly clue how to achieve. We are fighting uphill battles day and night because of the moral decay of our society. There is no time for "me time" when every second you are distracted the Enemy of your children's souls is lurking and waiting to pounce.
It takes vigilance beyond anything you've ever been prepared for.

The other day, for example, I had let my oldest watch an episode of little einstein while I worked on fine motor skill development in some games with my youngest. Halfway through our session, he got this blowout diaper that required a change of clothes along with the new diaper. So I went to work taking care of that,did a couple of other things, and then I realized that the DVR had stopped the playback and had already moved to live TV. I moved in to turn it off and found my daughter, staring intently at the screen. On the screen was the singer "Pink," wearing an outfit made entirely of fishnet, making out with another woman wearing an outfit made of fishnet. At 8:00 in the morning. On public TV. VIGILANCE. It taught me that I can not let ANYTHING escape me.

It's difficult to be vigilant when you have two kids two and under. It takes constantly choosing them over you. It takes finesse, humor, research, wisdom (applied knowledge) and patience. It takes forethought. And when you have two kids two and under, forethought is not something that comes easily... I am the world's most "scheduled" person, and yet I don't think I've followed my actual schedule more than a handful of times in the entire year.

My sister in law recently had a baby and was lamenting the fact that just as she had established a really good routine with the new baby and gotten comfortable, she has begun to change and grow in a way that now required a whole NEW routine. I told her that was the hardest thing about parenting. It's like, constant experimentation to see what works for your family, and yet never getting to the end of the road where everything is perfect and smooth-- if you do, it lasts only a few days before things need tweaking and changing again!

I've got quite a few other friends who are currently pregnant with their firsts and who want to have big families. One of them, the other day was describing her absolute disgust with certain smells and sights as a pregnant person. I laughed and reminded her of the days when I was changing two blow out poopie diapers a day while just as pregnant and nauseated. Pregnancy prepares you for the experience of motherhood-- it's like a boot camp that lasts nine months instead of nine weeks. And it's brutal, but if you listen to the clues, it teaches you how to begin to die to yourself and live for others. The world, so intent on the destruction of your family, would have you believe that your wedding day and your pregnancy are all about YOU-- that they are all about YOUR wants, desires, cravings, and whims. But the truth is, these events are signposts in your spiritual life as a woman, markings that remind you: this is about giving love, and what is required of us when we do so.
I'm thankful that my pregnancy with my second was as difficult as it was to have with a toddler. I'm thankful for that because it refined me and caused me to learn that if I was committed to raising good kids, it was going to be the most work I've ever had in my life.

Because it takes commitment! I know plenty of people-- and many of them are friends and personal acquaintances-- who are working hard to create children who epitomize the world's values. Their central purpose as parents is to help their kids "find themselves" and "explore life" and "be open minded."
I'm working hard to raise up kids who "find God" and "give life" and are "God-minded." Because we differ so much in our goals, it even takes care to determine how much influence those kids have on my own and vice versa.... I have to be vigilant even in playdates, in babysitter's philosophies, in just about everything we come into contact with.

But vigilance does not mean that I intend to raise my kids in a bubble! It means that we deal with things as we encounter them, and that we do what we can to ensure their emotional ability to handle the things that come their way. I KNOW that innocence is lost and that it is VERY difficult to find again. But I also know -- and have seen with my own eyes-- the problematic scenario of raising kids who know nothing else but what they have been presented. I think, more important, is to present your family with reality--- but to make sure it's God's reality.

I saw two things yesterday that really made me think.

The first was inspiring. I was watching the Duggars the other day and they took a weekend trip to San Francisco. the dad, Jim Bob, was hysterical when he was describing what the upcoming trip would be like. He kept saying things like : "we're here, a conservative family, visiting probably the most liberal city in the world." He kept saying it over and over in wonder. he knew they would be confronted with every type of immorality and ugliness the wold had to offer, and yet he was just amazed at the opportunity to bring some light with him.
The trip was amazing to watch. I grew up in California, where my world was nearly identical to what they were experiencing on their trip. And my initial response, as I became a Christian, was to leave that world behind and never look back. The new age spirit and "everything goes" mentality pervades even the staunchest of Christian morality over there.
And yet I watched them go in and talk to people--- kids on the street, head shop employees, baristas--- everyone. And to bring a little light with them when they went. They weren't afraid to step in and love people. They were often pretty naive about their surroundings, but they were certainly an element of love that glowed in the darkness--- they brought a new kind of "peace" to the streets of Haight/Ashbury: one that wasn't dingy, dirty, smoky and dreadlocked but shiny and healthy and glowing. It was so encouraging to watch.

Later on in the day, I discovered this youtube video about a mom who had been on some show called "wife swap" or something. Apparently, she had traded places with another mom for a certain period of time for the purpose of filming this show. The mom in question called herself a Christian. She was apparently appalled at the new age stuff she had to live with in the home she was at, and particularly irritated that her own family was exposed to the occult, astrology, etc. Now, in theory, I agree with this woman-- I mean, I would have been VERY upset to have those things in my home as well. But her response was soooooo tormented, so dark, and so crazy that in the end it was SHE who suffered from an unnatural darkness and not the other woman. And why? Because first, she had gone into the whole thing with an "us" vs "them" mentality-- she wasn't concerned with PEOPLE. She couldn't have cared less. Jim Bob Duggar, in San Fransciso, made it a a point to remind us several times during the episode that people are people, everywhere you go. This woman, on the other hand, had lost the humanity she was faced with. Likewise, her own sin and her initial poor judgement caused her family to suffer: why had this family chosen to be on such a ridiculous show? Why had they chosen to lose control over their own children? Etc etc. This brief video is so disturbing on so many levels, but mostly because she is dead wrong in her approach to rightness.

How do we avoid the trap to become isolated and isolationist, and yet still raise good kids? For me, it's all in the "two kids under two" issue.
Because I have two, my horizons are broadened. If I had three, they would be even more! Let alone eight, or ten, or twelve. Because I have two kids under two, and because I know that most of their moral plumbline will develop before they are five, I HAVE to intellectually examine every influence and idea they encounter. I HAVE to pray every day, because without God I could NEVER do this alone.
They are constantly into everything, and I have no choice but to pay attention. When we are faced with some moral issue, I tell them the truth. We talk about what we see. We discuss it. If mommy and daddy slip and exchange a harsh word in front of them, the answer to "what's wrong?" is not "it's nothing," but rather: "mommy and daddy are being mean to each other... and we are sorry for doing it and wish we hadn't."

Kids are like sponges. Kids are work. Kids are exhausting. But the exchange that occurs when you have two kids two and under who demand and deserve every ounce of strength you can muster.... oh man.

There's nothing like hearing your two-year old say "Here daddy, I made this dinner for you because I love you!" and watch her hand him a real meal, or watching your one- year old hear you say no without raising your voice, shake his head no, and turn from the object of his interest. There's nothing like watching your child, when she's hurt, grab a statue of Jesus and hug him on the floor and say "Jesus, I have an owie. You can make me feel better!"

There is NOTHING as rewarding as having two kids two and under.... it just makes you sit up straight and pay attention, makes you lose every misconception that this world was ever, in any way, about YOU, and makes you appreciate, so much, the tiny graces you receive every day-- from the extra ten minutes of sleep in the morning to the extra big hugs that come out of nowhere to the extra ten minutes you spend on your knees at the end of the day.... it's all such a blessing.