Glory to Glory

Been doing a lot of thinking about how modesty/moderation, etc works in this blog and I've decided to cut back on blogging as often as I do, just leaving it to like a couple times a week when I really have something to say.

This week has , as usual, been such a growing experience. I have gotten about as mad as I get, turning into a silently steaming. furious mess during my husband's RCIA class (its a discipleship/formation class for becoming a catholic, for those who don't know what it is) .... it is a very painful experience for me to sit in there and listen to heresy being accepted and preached as a "norm" of the faith, but I still haven't figured out how to say so and not lack in charity and love, so yeah. I sit silently and listen Sunday in and Sunday out as these new Catholics are being taught that everyone is saved and that the way they worship really doesn't matter and that there are no real reasons behind our traditions and that Evil is not really personnified in anyone but rather an esoteric "mystery" that humans are capable of, and that the Eucharist is AS important as me representing Jesus to someone else and that we dont need to give an answer to a scoffer because we have faith and that's all that matters, and that there is no hierarchy in the Church--- I could go on forever. I've decided that all I can do is pray and BE the change. I'm the one that always says that: BE the change. So that's all I can do. I can model truth and work on my own, personal holiness and that 's really all I can do. But MAN is it hard to sit quietly in there and listen to it. It is physically painful to see these pour souls being misled. No wonder half the RCIA candidates disappear from Planet Catholic after they are welcomed into the church. They aren't building a foundation on the ROCK.

Discernment is another big topic for the week: learning to be JUST where God wants me and not one centimeter to the right or to the left. It's hard for people like me who have an evangelical zeal and emotional enthusiasm about the gospel-- we want to see the whole world saved. So of course, we want to help every person we come into contact with to see and feel Jesus for themselves. Trouble is, God isn't always calling us to do that for EVERYONE. I have to learn to rightly order myself--- and as I disclosed last week, that's easier said than done when ministry to OTHERS is so much more gratifying than ministry to those God is calling me to specifically-- namely, my husband and kids! Who don't show gratitude or express how much God is using me in their lives. I've had to really evaluate where God is leading me specifically....and that means that I've had to let go of alot of bonds I was forming and time that was getting spent in a way that I really, really enjoyed.
BUT! The proof is in the pudding--- my kids and husband really grow and flourish when I'm rightly ordering my own time. Pretty crazy.

Been thinking alot about pregnancy too. This is exactly around the time where I got pregnant with Ishod, so even though we aren't TRYING to get pregnant and are actively practicing NFP to prevent a pregnancy, I have a feeling that God is softening our hearts and preparing us for a future pregnancy. Which is good-- I definitely have learned to just welcome life and rejoice at conception-- I've learned to really trust God in this area and to just let go. I have a lot of friends who are actively trying to concieve and I am spending a lot of time praying for them-- there are so many people in this world who have NO value for life, and here are these beautiful families just begging God to let them welcome His children--- my heart is just breaking for them. I don't feel as though our family is complete, that's for sure. I don't know what God has in store, but I would be overjoyed to have a large family. Financially, that seems impossible, but again-- nothing is impossible with God.

Anyways, all this stuff has me going totally introspective and that means that I'm really just seeking God, which brings me to the next thing I wanted to share: my newfound love for and appreciation of the Word of God. I just have so much gratitude for scripture!!! It's so amazing, because I have always loved the Bible as a protestant, but now my love for Scripture has just completely grown, which is crazy. I love to hear from God, and it seems the more time goes by, the more thankfulness I have for the ability to really HEAR from God in His Word. I'm on a mission to get all the Catholics I know to appreciate the treasure they have in the Word--- We know from Scripture that Jesus is the Word, and we know from Scripture that Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit.. Jesus Brings us the Holy Spirit when we are baptized, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we seek Him in the Word, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we lift up our hands in praise.... wow. I want more of the Holy Spirit in my life, and so I need to spend more time with the One who will always bring the Spirit to me-- Jesus.

It really seems like God is bringing us back to the church for "Such a time as this," because there is such a need for evangelical zeal, for appreciation and love for the Holy Spirit, for biblical "soundness" in the Roman Catholic Church these days. It's like half the Catholics out there are just dying to become episcopalians or something. Its' crazy wierd. I'm like, stretching towards the Eucharist each day and all these others around us are casually chomping on it and I just don't get it. I'm like... do you KNOW what you have here in the Church????? Do you know what an amazing blessing you have to be Catholic and to be able to be IN HIS PRESENCE the way you are???? He comes inside of you and lights you up from the inside in a special way that He CANT for those who haven't yet discerned Him here. Every Catholic person should wake up everyday with a song of praise on his lips for being able to recieve Christ in the Eucharist. It is soo strange and sad that God's own people persist in missing out on His blessing--- but there is nothing new under the sun. We've been doing it since Israel. Actually, since the garden. But if His people, who are called by His name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven, He will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chron 7:14)

Lord, let it be done to me according to your Word.