Mind and matter: The freedom to love

Recently, I've been reading with great interest all of the parenting posts online of people making headway with children suffering from very challenging disorders. From adhd to sensory issues and autism, oppositional defiance disorder to hypersensitivity and anxiety disorders... it seems they are everywhere we turn and I often fear in my own household as well.

It is hard to sort out my feelings about how to handle these incredibly difficult experiences. I wholeheartedly believe that professional counseling, diet changes, and close professional monitoring are often necessary. But I also believe in the healing power of Our Lord to help these children -- and their parents-- overcome.

A wise old friend, priest exorcist, and mentor to me who has a higher education in psychology AND  theology once told me something that really hit me.
He said--
"In a sense, psychology is really a necessary bunch of hooey. Necessary, but psychology will never save us. The practice of psychology essentially gives a name to a symptom. It categorizes, it notices, it points out. But the work of healing must be done within, no person receiving psychotherapy is healed by the psychologist, but by God."

I think it is helpful to look at clusters of symptoms, to listen to the experiences of others who seem to experience them, to speak about them regularly with someone, and to examine oneself.

More useful are two things:
(1) Unconditional love and acceptance, respect and human dignity
(2) a good example.

I'm coming to realize that this is the only way to parent, and the only way to evangelize... and the only way to disciple.

I'm also starting to realize just how much craftier Satan is than I had ever, ever thought (and believe me, I've thought and thought because I worked in deliverance ministry for years.)

You see, part of the inheritance we receive from our bloodline includes genetic weaknesses... tendencies. Sometimes they have to do with obvious sins like alcoholism or rebelliousness. Other times with inherited issues surrounding neurotransmitters or organ formation.... but some of these can be spiritual too.

In my first day of psychology, I learned that some of us are "born" with the seed for certain issues, but that no one really understands when / why they get activated and begin to grow. Studies do show that a person with a certain chemical tendency in the brain, given the right environment, may never experience its effects. Studies also show that given the WRONG environment, even a person who suffers from NO SUCH genetic pre-disposition can and WILL develop said issue. It seems to me, then, that the best solution is and always will be to begin with infancy and to watch over our children.

When Charlotte Mason said "education is a discipline, an atmosphere and a life...." she was NOT kidding! We cannot let go for one instant. At the same time, we WILL fail, of course, at providing the perfect atmosphere and discipline. Not only because we will sin ourselves, but because ultimately we cannot control some kinds of input. Our children will see, hear, eat, observe all kinds of things that we would rater they not at some point, and our vigilance can only go so far.

That's where the Will of God comes in-- those difficulties which He in His infinite wisdom allows us to experience despite our best attempts at vigilance. We must accept them as the will of God for our lives and embrace the sanctifying suffering which they cause us.

This is why we confess our own sins, and not the sins of others. This is why when a person wants an exorcism, we begin by reminding them that the best exorcism in the world will fail when you do not have a penitent spirit. This is why, on the other hand, a baby who is baptized (and therefore exorcised, as the rite of baptism contains an exorcism) is instantly healed of original sin, and why food that is blessed becomes blessed.

It is also why a psychologist in a therapeutic setting will lead a person through painful/traumatic experiences and ask him to examine them in light of truth. Naturally, for us, truth is not objective! We have a rock on which to stand.

When we look at ways we have been wounded and accept that these experiences were wounding, but that Jesus heals us and that we are called to forgive and to fight with all our might against our OWN sins, we may not need any further assistance.

But when our hearts become closed to this idea... when we begin to feel justified in our violence and unforgiveness and wrong reactions and in our anger and bitterness and hurt.... THAT is when a mental imbalance begins to develop and strengthen. It is also when a physical imbalance can be begin to develop and strengthen--- and even a spiritual imbalance.

Were we justified to experience anger and resentment and paralyzing fear when we were abused as a child? These are natural responses to such a horrific act, and no one in their right mind would blame us for having them. But is there a better way? Is there a path of peace, and if so, how can we find our footing along it? Psychology offers us some insight, but only theology offers us the answers. Those who appear healed without God will find that they may have been "saved" from a suffering which was intended to give them a real, and deeper salvation.

Sin is messy and ugly, and the working out of our own salvation (Phil 2:12) is rough, difficult work.
Like childbirth, it involves pain so bad we don't think we will live through it, and an inner strengthening which can come only from above.

So psychology is extremely helpful, but it does not always provide the focus we might need.
Before I studied psychology or returned to the Church, I was surrounded by people who were FORMER psychiatrists and psychologists-- people who had ceased to practice because of their Christian faith. They felt like frauds, essentially, keeping people from the Gospel, and were adamant about the work of healing belonging to the Holy Spirit. I learned very much from these people and I still hold them in very high esteem. I watched some of the most challenging cases find healing and peace through their interactions, and I cannot deny that what they said would happen... did. And that people were better off and at peace.

When I returned to the Church, it was a confusing time for me. No longer sure of the path God had put me on, I realized quickly that there was no room for me in the ministry of exorcism of the Church in a professional kind of way. In the Catholic Church, the only exorcists are Catholic priests. At the same time, I KNEW that I had prayed with people and that the demonic torments they were experiencing had left them. So I couldn't deny that. It was one of the hinge-issues that kept me from embracing a full return immediately. Fortunately, a wise priest once explained to me: "just because you CAN, doesn't always mean you SHOULD." Ahhhh.

I began to see that I had been very foolish as a protestant in deliverance ministry, and had only been protected from evil by God's ocean of mercy. I never really experienced the kind of mind boggling, bone-chilling (I SO know the root of that expression now!), horrifying and subtle evil-with-a-capital-E until I returned to the Church. That's when, it seemed, my pride was exposed for what it really was to me.... because whereas before I had been sure of myself and sure of God's ability to deliver, I had also been both telling God what to do and telling the person how they should respond. I had been completely unaware of these things as I did them-- I really thought I was doing what was best. But it was revealed to me very quickly that my former actions had been prideful, self-centered in many ways, and also narrow-minded. God's plan includes a far greater purpose than just "feeling good." It involves holiness, and sanctification. Nothing less than our pruning and perfecting.

I met people who were "doing all the right things" by Christian standards, and yet who simply could not "achieve" deliverance. At first I thought that these must be signs of the profound evil-ness of Catholicity, and I wondered if I had been deceived into returning. But then I began to notice that these suffering people were experiencing something I had never really seen from the scores of people who were delivered in the settings I was used to before and freed to walk away. These suffering people were holy. And holiness was something oft talked about in my circles before, but not often seen.

Within the Church, I was at first so amazed and frustrated to find that we always had to consult psychologists first to help people. It seemed so secular and unspiritual. I felt psychologists couldn't possibly help anyone in a really LASTING kind of way. And because of that, I felt that any child suffering from any type of disorder was really in need of nothing but a prayer and a good talking to.

But over time, although I vehemently disagree with many Bishops, including my own, in their stance on the ministry of exorcism (For you shocked Catholics--- I'm looking to Peter, always my eyes on Peter, and he has never let me down. ;) ) I have found that psychology is a useful tool to help pinpoint certain characteristics and concepts that lead us to root causes. In modern usage, a Bishop requests that a complete psychiatric evaluation be undertaken before the rite of exorcism is approved. Further, the Rite of Exorcism is ONLY approved if one of six super-natural signs (things like levitating or knowledge of something the person cannot have knowledge of) are present. This is "prudence." Now, most exorcists I have met live extremely lonely lives. They walk between two worlds, and no one wants what they have-- not even themselves.
They are also some of the holiest and most prayerful people I know. AND the most mentally taxed. I pray for them daily, and you should too.
I don't know a single exorcist who thinks that any harm would come to a person who WASN'T suffering from possession having been exorcised. The general consensus among them is that evil is present in the world and we must root it out and combat it, particularly when it hides. This whole cautionary craziness is all about fear... mostly fear of scandal, they assert.
At the same time, there is wisdom in the precautionary attitude.
While the Rite of Exorcism serves to literally command a demon to go from hidden to visible so that it can be dealt with accordingly, psychology serves to root out a sin so that it can be faced, or to root out a biological tendency that needs addressing which may be the result of evolutionary conditioning (years upon years of sinful behaviors that produce long term results).

And  this gift is oft neglected, although I know that as a protestant I was SURE that I was incorporating it into my ministry.

As a totally random example-- there is now a disorder called exploding head syndrome. Scientists noticed that many people reported waking up suddenly with extremely heightened physiological awareness that they were in danger, having heard a door slam, for example, that they realized had never slammed when they woke up. They behave physically as if they are in life-threatening danger (heavy breathing, heart pounding, adrenaline pumping), but everything is calm and peaceful when they awake. Some people experience it once a lifetime. Others several times a night.

Scientists can now pinpoint the exact part of the brain that is activated when Exploding Head Syndrome occurs. They have named it, named the disorder, and done studies to correlate lifestyle choices and genetic situations which make it more common than for others. They have done studies and found medications which can limit the number of experiences or at least slow down the active parts of the brain that cause it.

But science STOPS there. It cannot tell you WHY a person experiences exploding head syndrome and it cannot tell you WHAT activated this pinpoint in the brain. It cannot explain the activity in the physical brain matter at the time, only say that it. is. there.

Now, in my personal life, I have met many people who complained of Exploding Head Syndrome and many other strange disorders besides. And though I am not a psychologist, with the help of my own mentors and teachers and by the grace of God I have been able to help them. And how? By doing the above:

(1) Unconditional love and acceptance, respect and human dignity (2) a good example.

Obviously, the only key that truly unlocked what they needed was prayer. Obviously it was through prayer that God moved and that they agreed to accept Him and that they were healed. But the real deliverance happens when a person accepts that there is a better way than sin!

At the same time, I'll tell you a secret--- in all those years in deliverance ministry and then in the Catholic Church helping people who were in need of exorcisms and priest exorcists and Bishops communicate, I have found that some people appear to be simply beyond deliverance. Neither doctors nor medicine, nor priests nor prayer, have been able to help them. For some people, the Exploding Head Syndrome doesn't stop. The nervous tics, the uncontrollable impulses, the compulsive behaviors, the voices.... they won't let up. In those people, some medicated, some not, I have found two reactions: either peace, or panic.

I know countless people who have been failed by both psychology and the Church. They lie, rotting in hospitals without help, and their screams are ignored. They are kept sedated and quieted by force. My heart aches for them, and I pray for them daily.

There are others, though, who have shown a different way is possible.

I know a woman who suffers tremendously from schizophrenia. Medicated or not, she cannot find quiet from the voices in her head. She has had exorcisms to no avail, she has had psychotherapy and even hospitalization. Nothing. When I met her, she was terrifying to me. Today, she still hears the voices and still suffers from schizophrenia.
She is also the proud, happy mother of three beautiful and well-adjusted children, wife to a kind and wonderful man, and generally a very happy and well-faring person. How? Because she knows JESUS.

She knows the power of God over her visions and voices and evil thoughts.. She has experienced his deliverance over the issues of her body and soul. At the same time, she accepts her cross--- His will for her life--- and she has spoken to Him about it extensively. Daily she gets up and receives strength and light to face her unusual journey. And daily He delivers, although she is not like you and me. Her insight and wisdom are attractive to all who meet her. And her peace is profound.

This is how I always want to look at disorder and mental illness. I want to remember that there are two choices for each of us: peace, or panic. And to walk the way of Peace, with the Prince of Peace.
And I want to remember that in my interactions with others, whether they be my own children or the children of others exhibiting strange and difficult disorders of the mind and body..... there are really only two things I can do besides pray:

I can love without limits.
I can lead to my Lord.
Amen.