On mothering my way through life

I often wonder what God does with those "desires of your heart" that just don't really get put on His agenda for you. While I love beign a mom, talking with a friend who is a soon-to-be mom and torn between looking for work and staying at home, I'm like... AH! I sometimes WANT to work, but then I think about my kids and I just can't-- I can't not for ME, but for them.
Monday was a Holy Day of Obligation (a day Catholics are required to attend mass-- as if it was a Sunday.) It was the feast day of the Immaculate Conception.
I ignored God's very personal words to me about staying close to my children and put them in the nursery so that I could experience the mass on my terms, only to discover that I was left for a good portion of the experience to watch a dear friend's children, who were uncharacteristically acting up. Of course they were, though, because God was whispering to me that no matter what, children were a part of my calling with regards to serving Him, and that I just can't avoid them. It was a good wake up call. Of course, you know me, I'm hard headed (it's the fiery mediterranean in me! I swear!) so as soon as Tuesday came around I ignored the issue then too and went ahead with my plans and ideas. Come wednesday, both my children were sick and grouchy, and God took me by the hand through a hellish day (peppered with moments of grace!) to show me--He wants me to MOTHER. (It even took a friend mothering ME to bring me to repentance, but Lord knows I needed to undertstand the "why's" and not just the "whats.")
And even then, as thick headed as I am, I continued, acknowledging that God was moving me in one direction and still moving in the opposite. Until today, when he hammered me all day long with anecdotes, plot lines, phone calls, and emails that revolved around one thing: OBEDIENCE.
That's where it all starts, I"m sure you know. The power can't flow if you're actively pushing against the door, right?

So yeah.... there I was today getting absolutely pulverized with the message of obedience.
Last week, God showed me, as I shared in here, in a very special way how he knows and listens to even the SLIGHTEST desires of our hearts.
Come to think of it, He showed me that at the beginning of this week AGAIN, too---and nearly forgot! How easily we forget His glorious works, forgive me, Lord!

I had been REALLY wanting some toddler scissors for Annika-Marie to use and hadn't been able to find any, had settled for these rounded edged normal scary scissors and was really frustrated with arts and crafts time while she practically killed herself at least a dozen times. I had thus said a small prayer that God would help me find some good scissors for her. Lo and behold, the next day when she asked for her "snit jizhers" I reached my hand above the fridge where I kept them to grab them for her and found myself holding a PERFECT green pair of toddler plastic scissors, just as I had dreamed of. It was soo wierd. I asked my friends, but none of them knew anything about them, so I was just left there flabbergasted at the wierd ways God manifests in my life--- He lives in microwave, as you know.

Anyways, so last week was about Him hearing my heart and this week was about me obeying and if I actually put this lesson to good use I'm sure next week will be about something totally different and awesome.
Tonight, I lovingly prepared food for my kids even though I was sick and exhausted and just generally ornery and not in the mood to cook even for myself. I set it on their trays with their favorite drinks and put them in front of their favorite show to give them a happy meal time because I just didn't feel up to it. A half hour passed, the show finished, and they asked to get down. But they hadn't eaten--- not even a bite--- of the delicious meal I had lovingly prepared and awaited them to finish with relish!!! How like these children we are in our walks as children of God. He prepares a feast before us, and we don't touch a thing. Sometimes, we don't even want to come to the table. I learn so much from my children.

Which brings me to the point--- I've been doing some serious soul searching about the mothering vs work thing.
During that mass I was talking about last monday, Father brought up the third grade class for his homily (sermon for you non-Catholics out there) and it was atrocious. They were so poorly behaved I thought I was going to scream, and then it turned out they knew next to nothing about their faith, which made me even angrier considering these were CATHOLIC SCHOOL CHILDREN. Honestly.

Anyways, it really showed me that I couldn't even put my kids in private school--- these children would be a terrible influence on my own and I just can't risk their lives by putting them in the pen with zoo animals. I'd rather keep them with zookeepers, and teach them to care for the monkeys. You know?
Because of this, it was kind of like my last "way out" of homeschooling was gone-- don't get me wrong -- I LOVE homeschool, but there are days when I just sort of wonder "what if" we did it "like everyone else."

So I sniffled a bit about the jobs I'd always wanted but would never have an opportunity to have again or finish working towards: Flight Attendant. Journalist. Nurse. Teacher. Soldier. Cop. Counselor. Secretary for some AWESOME firm I love.
And that's when it hit me: There's nothing like mothering to teach you to help people sit properly in their seats and move luggage and bring beverages in flight. I AM a flight attendant. There's nothing like mothering to research, investigate, and figure out what your kids are doing or getting into. I AM a journalist. There's nothing like mothering to have you bandaging cuts, holding hands during operations, and cleaning up poop! I AM a nurse. There's nothing like homeschool mothering to have you planning lessons and passing out homework! I AM a teacher. There's nothing like Christian mothering to have you directing basic training, preparing people for combat, and leading them through it. I am a warrior! There's nothing like mothering to allow you to lay down the law. I AM a cop. There's nothing like mothering to have you listening and gently guiding! I am a counselor. And there's nothing like mothering to have you elbow deep in spreadsheets and email... I AM a secratary in a firm I love.

This was huge for me. I get the best of both worlds, and I didn't even realize what a blessing it was-- I didn't have to choose. God is awesome, even when we forget. God is good.... all the time.