Mothering, and a deepening prayer life

Happy mother's day to all my mommy friends!! I love you guys and I'm so proud of you all. I recently posted a bulletin about the woman in oklahoma, or arkansas or something, who was on her 18th pregnancy (let's not forget there are women in places like Mexico who do this as an every day thing) and said something along the lines of .... if she can do it, we can do it. I got a lot of funny emails back about how I was nuts. So just to clarify--- I meant, if she can handle 18, we can handle the 2, 3, 4, 6, or 8 we've been given. NOT that we should all strive to have 18 children!! haha.
Last night I overheard Wayne's dad saying to Wayne that he should take good care of me on Mother's day. "I know, Dad," Wayne said, and his dad goes: "No listen: she's a better mom than you ever had and a better mom than I ever had, I'll tell you that. You are very lucky to have her."
It made me all mushy inside. :P

Wayne is taking me to Raleigh this week for mother's day. We will go to Duke Chapel, which is a wierd type of pilgrimmage (I think it's a methodist church-- or at least, ecumenical) for him because it was one of the first churches that formed his opinion of holiness as a child. It's very pretty:






Raleigh's downtown area is rich in history and very cool. we're going to have lunch there, and then we are going to hit the Franciscan Community, which Wayne feels very drawn to. I can relate-- I grew up at the Santa Barbara Mission, and the Franciscans there were my spiritual advisors. Quite a few of them were just amazingly profound people with a deep devotion for God that transcended what I thought was normal and brought me into the REAL spiritual state--- there are Poor Clares there who are in perpetual fast, who are barefoot, who are cloistered and live in contemplative silence, and who-- for their entire lives--- wake up at night for the Liturgy of the hours, all with the utmost joy. They literally live to pray.


Kinda puts my whole night complaining about waking for Ishod and Annika into perspective, doesn't it?

Anyways, Wayne's fascination with the franciscans over the last two months has caused me to re-evaluate HOW God is using us and to what end. We have talked about this this stuff for hours on end, sometimes until late into the night.
In Catholicism, there is a concept unpresent in nondenominationalism called "Vocations." It's asking the question: God, what are you calling me to do to serve you?
Some feel called to priesthood. Others to the monastic life. Others to marriage. Some to singleness, others to marriage. It puts a whole new spin on praying for my children--- I've gone from praying for their marriage to praying for their vocation, whatever it may be.
One thing that has been really interesting is this: during the process of convalidating our marriage in the church, we have been faced with the daunting task of communicating to each other things which are just really hard but also really necessary to communicate.
Things like admitting to ourselves that we rushed into getting married without thinking of the consequences. Things like perhaps we MISSED our vocations because of the passion we had for each other. And now that we have kids, there's not much to do but work with it. And that's good-- it's hard, but it teaches us so much too, and it gives us even more of a push to raise our kids right. I can see a tangible spark of godliness in Annika's life at her young age-- or rather, I can see God's hand upon her. And I dont think that's an accident.

Anyways, all this yearning to commit ourselves MORE to the work that God has for us but feeling directionless for the last four years has totally ceased with our discovery of the existence of third orders, oblates, and the like. Most religious orders have a third, or secular aspect which aspiring saints can join as they commit themselves to living the heart of the Order in the world. Basically, we can join our prayer lives to the lives of an existing community within the Order that we feel drawn to and live out our faith in that way. Wayne, as I said, is drawn to the Franciscans.
Me? I'm discovering a strong draw to Carmel. I grew up in a family of nuns and priests totally dedicated to living out Charles de Foucauld's spirituality-- simple living, loving everyone, sharing the gospel with action, living among the people. it only seemed right that I start there. But as I prayed, I realized that I am called to something a bit more--- contemplative. I've been known to spend entire days in silent prayer and meditation, which I'm discovering is unusual among my peers. I dont get bored in quiet, lonely times. I come to life. Or rather, my prayer life does. I'm attracted to simplicity... and to mysticism. And the single greatest lesson I have learned from Medjugorje is how to pray from the heart, which is a big part of Carmelite spirituality. It seems like a perfect fit, but I want to discern correctly because I'm sure it's easy to jump onboard only to discover that there are aspects of each particular order that don't necessarily mesh with your calling. It's important to be prayerful and totally submitted to God's will and not just our own "feelings" about what belonging to that particular order might mean for us. So I'm studying, I'm praying, and I'm getting really excited to learn more.

On the job front, Wayne has applied to a job that potentially answers all our questions if he gets it. we still haven't heard from the Navy, btw, and are basically ready to give up on that thought. more to come....

Happy Pentecost Sunday, everyone! Come, Holy Spirit!