Changing winds

So much to update with and so little time!! I've had a ton of really interesting conversations this week and I wish I could type as fast as I can think--- as it is now I've got only a few moments before the kids wake up so I'll make it as quick as I can.

First off, my brother and his wife got here on Saturday night! We've been anxiously awaiting their arrival, since they were PCSing before the 10th. It's great for him, who loves being in the 82nd and hated recruiting, so it's a breath of fresh air--- he's back in the real army! And for her, it's going to be a new experience. Hard, for sure, but probably life changing and wonderful too. And I"m making every attempt to be here for her, to help her adjust, because God knows it took me a while to get used to this place, and I know being new at being an army wife is rough-- especially when you're new to being a wife! Being around it all was rough because it makes us regret our decision to get out of the army a little. I really loved being in the army and if I didn't have kids now I'd probably try to go for it again--- I was good at soldiering and I can't think of anything more fun.

My brother and I are very close, and it was such a nice time to be able to spend this moment in solidarity with him and to help him when he has helped me so much in my own life. He wakes up early, like me, so we enjoyed some wonderful quiet moments in the living room (Wayne and I were determined to be hospitable by offering up our room for their privacy) and I was really impressed with the place they are at right now.

His wife and I have a long history of a kind of love /hate place, I guess. She's an amazing girl--- really incredible, and the more I connect with her the more I'm able to say that I genuinely enjoy her. They have been together since high school and she and I didn't initially have anything in common, so it was powerful to unite with her. What I really like about her is that she always says what she is thinking, which can be a swift kick to the butt or a very sweet moment. For instance, the first night we stayed up late discussing the differences in the way we live. Wayne and I center our lives around God, and place our family second. Sean and her place their lives around family, and place God second. They TOTALLY acknowledge His work and presence in their lives, but what she was trying to get me to see was that they "pray together, but then they live their lives out." There is a deep spirit of humanism there-- an appreciation for all things done and thought by humanity, and while my flesh wants to jive with that my spirit cannot.
So the first night, we were essentially facing each other with all the preconcieved ideas we had about each other.

i had noticed that she had distanced herself from me from day one in california, and couldn't for the life of me figure out why. (and no, it had nothing to do with the wedding blog :P) She explained it later, but the first few days were tentative steps to reconciliation and a bit trying.

For them, they were watching us intently to see if how we lived was fanatical-- because for them and my parents, our "fundamentalist" thinking is a handicap and even dangerous..... there were alot of questions asked about why we didn't have certain books we used to have in the house, and movies, and why we wanted to homeschool, etc.

Apparently, the major rift happened when my husband wrote him a what we thought was kind email saying why he didn't want my brother to be the baby's godparent. A lot of it dealt with what we percieved as his wife's character flaws, which she was angry we had not discussed with her personally. (Fair enough! we just made assumptions based on what we saw-- we never discussed it with her . It was a very good lesson for me that ended with a tearful repentance in the kitchen and a great sister to sister hug!)

Then, once I think it was established that we weren't freaks of nature and that we hadn't converted to Westboro Baptist Church types, we all relaxed a bit. In fact, I was super blessed to hear that them watching the way we lived had an impact on their ideas about children and childraising--- they understood completely and agreed with what we were doing even though they were initially the opposite.

The second night, she shared with me some really powerful things: first off, she told me that the bible i had bought her had got her through some really hard times. That meant a lot to me, and I am praying that God's word blooms from this planted seed.
Secondly, she shared with me what "turned her around," from her disinterest in Catholicism.

The first was a trip to the Lourdes Cathedral in France for "la messe des invalides," the invalides mass. It was a profound experience for her to see people worshipping from ALL countries and in every language-- which is the exact reaction I had at the World Youth Day when I was a Catholic--- seeing people from all different places like that celebrating one God on their knees is very telling.

The second was a trip to the Vatican to celebrate the mass there. They had a God moment there: while waiting in line for what seemed like forever to get in, they approached the entrance only to discover that they needed tickets to get past the guards. Heartbroken, they debated what to do when a nun just appeared out of no where and handed them tickets to get in! They got inside and to their dismay it began to pour. Wondering what to do because they were getting soaked, they looked up and the skies parted--- sunshine poured into the courtyard and lit them up as the mass was celebrated. As soon as mass was over, it began to pour again. She said: "If that isn't God, I don't know what is."

Anyways, it was a great visit and I was so happy to be able to spend time with them like this before their lives get hectic and ours do too. I am so proud of my brother's accomplishments and of her willingness to help him achieve his goals.

Wayne is still waiting to hear if he will leave or not--- we have strong reason to believe that this door will open now, but we still don't know for SURE, SuRe. So we are staying in silent prayer. I have begun to pray for someone to come and live with me for the time he will be gone because I'm not confident enough in my driving skills yet to do it alone. We want someone to come and live with us rent free in exchange for taking me to run whatever errands I need to run, and that person needs to be willing to help me out a bit with the kids when needed. They can work here if they want and come and go as they please, I just need the company until I'm better at driving. It would be for about three months. I'm praying that God will put the perfect person in place here.

For lent this year I've decided to fast from any books but the bible. I have some really prominent questions I need answered and I'm really completely stuck on them. I realized with some of the issues Wayne and I have with our current church (and again, they are major, but our church is an excellent church--- we just want to see them remain that way!) that I just believed things because people believe them, but I don't always examine them PRAYERFULLY in terms of their adherence to scripture. As you guys know, I've been REALLY struggling with the lack of tradition and structure within the church lately and I dislike some of the tendencies I'm seeing with relation to the World and the way the church is relating to it.

Anyways, it has been really bad, because I'm longing to connect with some of my Catholic "traditions" in a biblically honoring way--- which means i"m not only tempted to go to Catholic mass pretty much all the time, but I'm tempted to participate in things like prayer beads, the liturgy, etc. It doesn't help that all of a sudden there are catholics all around me too. Gah.

Anyways, doctrinally speaking, there are about three major biggies that I can't find biblical background for in the RCC but the rest is up for grabs either way. Mary isn't "ever virgin" according to the Bible. She didn't ASCEND into heaven like Christ. Purgatory isn't a biblical notion, and most especially the transsubstantiation doctrine isn't true. However, the other day my brother's wife, who just went through her confirmation, told me she learned that it doesn't become the literal flesh and blood of Jesus Christ, but a reminder that God is present in everything we do. which I can totally jive with. So that prompted me to re-examine the Catholic Catechism and see what is REALLY taught.

I think I'll blog on each one separately.

Anyways, God is faithful and will totally answer all of my questions with regards to the church. I am looking forward to spending so much time in His Word because it will renew my mind and help me to have the mind of Christ about all this stuff. even so, I can't help but wonder whether some Catholic mob is praying for me to return to the church, because there is this magnetic pull on my soul that is just mind boggling.

Thankfully, my husband is very adept at keeping me on the straight and narrow, so I'm fortunate to have him.

I'm knitting nothing lately because I've been so busy, but it's back to the Scottish mission shawl when I can. Bye!