Cocooning.

I've had a lot of time to reflect this week. The entire house caught this violent 24 hour stomach flu that really threw us all for the loop, and since I'm expecting again, I suffered some pretty serious exhaustion and had to put myself on bedrest, at least until I feel better. Medically speaking, I nearly always get stuck on bedrest, but since I am still not able to see an OB, I wont know much of anything (not even how far along I really am!) without a little waiting time...and don't want to take any risks.

So. Because it's lent and because this last week made me realize that I am actually not superwoman, I've had to come to terms with a few things.
the first is that I have too much on my plate-- and that I need to re-arrange some priorities in order to do the best thing I can for my own health and sanity. How did this all come about? Well, I think it was an interesting mix: emotional breakdown from the sick weekend (too much) combined with watching The Devil Wears Prada with the Hubby (which reminded us both of our goals not being accomplished)combined with sleep depravation combined with pregnancy hormones combined with....well, lent.

So, first things first.

I'm no longer going to be doing consultations. I'm not going to meet with people, I'm not going to take middle of the night phone calls, and I'm not going to take middle of the day phone calls. I'm done doing consultations. It's not because I don't love it, and it's not because I don't think that God is using me in this ministry, but rather because I am getting ahead of myself and taking on FAR more than what I am able to handle. I plan on keeping a website with as much information as possible on there, and hopefully finishing my book, which will be a good resource. Other than that, I'm DONE with that part of my life right now.

I'm also no longer selling travel. I'm not going to do ANY travel selling anymore, no pilgrimmages, no cruises, no flights, nothing. Done. It's not profitable enough to make it worth the time it takes to do it all, and my commissions are just totally pathetic.

I'm not going to be doing medjugorje information stuff anymore, I'm not going to be spending any more time on the internet spreading the news about Medjugorje. I still love it, but I'm just not able to do it anymore.

That should take some of the bulk off. THEN, there are a couple of things I AM going to do. I AM going to finish my doula training. I'm not going to have a doula business, but I want to be able to doula when a doula is needed, and it can definitely help make ends meet.

When I'm done with that, I AM going to work on finishing my book. Because honestly, I was put on this planet to write, and anyone who knew me growing up knows that. WHY I am not doing it is something that remains to be seen.
It's going to take a bit of work to transition from doing these things regularly to not at all. It's going to take a lot of effort on my part to be strict and serious about these changes.

The end result, I hope, is that instead of sitting here watching the years pass me by, I can feel relatively productive. I wont have to stress about getting anything done but the house clean and the kids happy and the food good and I think when you have more than one kid on your plate, especially when they are all so young and you don't have a husband who participates all that much in the household stuff, that honestly, you have to pick your battles.

Not a day goes by that I don't get bummed that I'm slightly overweight and not writing and still living in Fayetteville, not progressing towards anything. However, not a day goes by that I do anything about it because I'm so caught up in all this other craziness.
With changes like these, I'm going to be FORCED, absolutely forced, to look at life how it really is.
And though I've resisted making these changes in the past because they made me feel important, I'm not going to anymore. I'm too tired not to guard myself and my life jealously.